Re: Complete the phrase II

1

Ah, a slight mistiming. I find that covering Singer in the days immediately before Thanksgiving often works nicely. Give the kids a simple but fiendishly clever argument about famine relief to think about around the time they're stuffing themselves.

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2

[redacted]

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3

man, I love spending Thanksgiving with my family! all my beloved cousins and such, fine wines, mad percodans, turkey, brisk air, paddle tennis! saunas and then an ill-advised jump in the unheated November pool! plus pneumonia! it's the shit.

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4

...try to be as invisible as possible while counting the minutes until someone a) broaches a nutso only-a-middle-eastern-would-believe-it consipiracy theory b) comments on how stupid Americans are and c) tells me I'm too skinny.

But that's not Thanksgiving, just every other family gathering. For Thanksgiving, which I love, my family hangs out with a Jewish family we've known for decades, and we always have a grand time. There, I'm not so invisible, and I wait for someone to a) mention how stupid George Bush is b) tell me I'm too skinny and c) wonder that I'm still employed.

This year, however, I didn't feel like traveling, and neither did the ex, so she came over, we had steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans and watched Dave Chapelle and Obama's convention speech. I love America, bitches.

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5

"When spending time with relatives for Thanksgiving, I..."

...try to remember to stop drinking before the point where I drop an f-bomb in front of a bunch of relatives' kids.


Almost worked this year.

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6

You, my friends, are why I love America. Myself, I stayed up all night switching between "the 40 most awful metal songs...ever" (or whatever it was called-- but anything that reminds me of Loudness is all right) and "Orange County Chopper." This is exactly why I should not get cable.

Also, Ogged, you're too skinny.

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7

I stayed up all night switching between "the 40 most awful metal songs...ever" (or whatever it was called-- but anything that reminds me of Loudness is all right)

Man, don't you ever stop with the karaoke practice???

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8

. . . hope to god we don't come to blows and I have to poke somebody with a sterling silver dessert fork. To counter this possibility, I drink myself into a stupor and ignore everything anyone says, especially if it sounds remotely political. "Excuse me, I think I need another drink."

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9

I went to a bar and drank scotch more than ten years older than myself, for free!

That was just this year, though.

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10

. . . organize the little kids into some activity that won't drive me crazy like they normally do. If there is going to be craziness I want to be in charge.

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