He listens to and promulgates noise that can only be loosely described as music while working towards a degree in something you're not likely to understand. His left testicle is exceedingly droopy.
Sorry -- actually I just mostly wanted to say, "Ben Wolfson was a desperate little man" but somehow the whole rest of the song got dragged along with it. It's like potato chips I tell you!
"Ben Wolfson" is an elaborate in joke at Unfogged, as opposed to Ben Wolfson, who is an actual real person. The latter makes very rare appearances, but is generally doing something else, whereas the former is ubiquitous and can, really, be described as the mascot and soul of Unfogged. When you have tired of him, you have tired of Unfogged, and you may ascend to a higher plane.
There was a time when Unfogged opposed shaggy-dog indulgences and supported keen-eyed storytelling, when it wasn't a seething and ever-bloating mass of puns and catchphrases. That day is long past, and the artistic and intellectual decay of Unfogged is far gone.
6 and 7: What's the linguistic justification for using unfoggetariat rather than unfoggedariat? I have written "unfoggedariat" in the past, at least once (well it was three times, because I posted the comment thrice).
Reading it in the comment box, "unfoggedariat" makes more sense to me, but it may be that people pronounce it unfoggedariat. I want an explanation. I need to hear words like glottal stop and elision.
Were Unfogged a city, its residents might be called Unfoggedians. Were is a middle eastern or central asian country, perhaps they would be Unfoggedis. I prefer to think of myself as an Unfo. More irregular!
I'm tired of all this ambiguity. We should just put it to a vote, and assign SB a nominal gender. Let's create some reality. With enough votes, it could be 64.6% masculing, 33.2% feminine, 2.2% don't know/no opinion/don't care
Would we love Standpipe less, if Standpipe had an assigned gender? Are we genderists? And we'd be putting SB 56% in one box and 33% in another box, perhaps.
And, although Standpipe has said goodbye from this thread, I must say that I smile all of the time walking through NYC seeing all of the "standpipe" signs. I must walk past 20 of them just on the way to work. There's one right outside the door of my apartment, even. Someday, if I get really ambitious, I should take a picture of every standpipe sign I pass in a day. I suppose that would be either really cute or really creepy but I haven't quite figured out which.
I have compromising pictures of Kevin D! Insofar as you agree that his posing in a USC sweatshirt next to a guy wearing a Texas sweatshirt is compromising.
Hmm, if I would be Standpipe Bridgeplate but for disliking Sufjan Stevens, and Ben would be Standpipe Bridgeplate but for some unknown quality, is it possible that I am Ben Wolfson?
There's a little Standpipe Bridgeplate in all of us, Tia -- Jeremy was heard to make this remark as he put on his jacket after the 4th annual Unfo Feast, where the entree was Standpipe Bridgeplate.
162 -- Well it seems like a wider gulf separates the vegans and the meat eaters, than separates the non-cannibalistic meat eaters and the cannibals, doesn't it?
171 -- so go 'head. See I am figuring, the difference between vegans and meat eaters is that one eats animal flesh, the other does not. Pretty categorical. But the difference between non-cannibal meat-eaters and cannibals is much more subtle -- one abstains from a particular species of animal flesh while the other will eat that species in addition to the others that they eat in common.
173--It's just that I think that the taboo against eating other humans would break down for vegans maybe just a little bit more slowly than for standard (non-culturally cannibalistic) meat-eaters.
This discussion reminds me of the most inappropriate exchange I witnessed in a grad seminar full of 'em. We were discussing the shipwreck scene in B's Don Juan, and for some reason the crazy old coot of a professor thought it necessary to go around the room and ask each of us: "Would you eat the tutor?" Most of us understood the point--that civilized sensibilities aren't worth much compared to death--and answered yes after a second or two. And then this one girl, quite offended, answered "No." The professor asked: "Why?" And when she answered, "Because I keep kosher," he just erupted in laughter. (As he had unusually long, blackened, and snaggly teeth, his laughter was really something to behold.)
Perhaps you could preserve them for posterity somewhere?
Problem solved. The comment has been magically moved from #85 to #1354 and the original numbering has been restored. Man, dealing with that post from the MT control panel is sloooow going.
"Ben Wolfson is a little bitch committed to correcting your grammar. Also, he looks like Cornel West."
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:15 PM
He listens to and promulgates noise that can only be loosely described as music while working towards a degree in something you're not likely to understand. His left testicle is exceedingly droopy.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:18 PM
Ben Wolfson, he was a desp'rate little man,
He carried two guns ev'ry day.
He shot a man on the West Virginia line,
An' you ought seen Ben Wolfson getting away.
Ben Wolfson, he got to the Keystone Bridge,
He thought that he would be free.
And up stepped the sheriff and took him by his arm,
Says, "Benjy, won't you walk along with me."
He sent for his poppy and his mommy, too,
To come and go his bail.
But money won't go a murdering case;
They locked Ben Wolfson back in jail.
Ben Wolfson, he had a pretty little girl,
That dress that she wore was blue
As she came skipping through the old jail hall,
Saying, "Poppy, I've been true to you."
Ben Wolfson, he had another little girl,
That dress that she wore was red.
She followed Ben Wolfson to his hanging ground,
Saying, "Poppy, I would rather be dead."
I been to the East and I been to the West,
I been this wide world around.
I been to the river and I been baptized,
And now I'm on my hanging ground.
Ben Wolfson walked out on his scaffold high,
With his loving little wife by his side.
And the last words she heard poor Benjy say,
"I'll meet you in that sweet bye-and-bye."
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:19 PM
Sorry -- actually I just mostly wanted to say, "Ben Wolfson was a desperate little man" but somehow the whole rest of the song got dragged along with it. It's like potato chips I tell you!
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:23 PM
I believe the vision he has of himself has been made clear, with all the references to the emotion-smiting logical dinosaur.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:28 PM
We need to standardize.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:28 PM
Noted, Weiner. I updated the post.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:33 PM
Is the suggestion in 7 that Wolfson's about page should describe him as a "Noted weiner"?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:35 PM
Ben Wolfson continues his awkward public love affair with failure, so it seems.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:37 PM
Ben Wolfson has a mild distaste for humanity.
He enjoys correcting people and non sequitors.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:38 PM
Ben Wolfson is so gay, he ain't that gay.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:39 PM
His reign of little bitchhood was tragically cut short when he was brutally pwned by Tia.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:39 PM
Is it Ben Wolfson that is the pre-eminent cock theorist of our time? Also, he is the proud creator of the Wolfson Indiscretion Error (WIE).
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:40 PM
sequitors.
"Sequiturs". Also, Chopper, I just checked and they're about the same.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:44 PM
I know most of the "About" pages don't have graphics, but I think Wolfson's should definitely bear his image.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:44 PM
Nicely trolled, text!
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:46 PM
"Ben Wolfson" is an elaborate in joke at Unfogged, as opposed to Ben Wolfson, who is an actual real person. The latter makes very rare appearances, but is generally doing something else, whereas the former is ubiquitous and can, really, be described as the mascot and soul of Unfogged. When you have tired of him, you have tired of Unfogged, and you may ascend to a higher plane.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:46 PM
4 is great, regardless of Jeremy's implication to the contrary in 5.
Posted by NickS- | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 12:55 PM
Um, 5 was posted by ac, not me.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 1:14 PM
But if you meant "3 was great", then thanks!
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 1:17 PM
off by one error :)
(but not a fencepost error)
Yes, 3 is great, claims to the contrary made in 4 notwithstanding.
Posted by NickS | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 1:22 PM
Various Unfogged readers email to say that Ben Wolfson is not the authentic face of Unfogged.
I wish I agreed with that. But, sadly, he is its very image today.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 1:29 PM
There was a time when Unfogged opposed shaggy-dog indulgences and supported keen-eyed storytelling, when it wasn't a seething and ever-bloating mass of puns and catchphrases. That day is long past, and the artistic and intellectual decay of Unfogged is far gone.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 1:52 PM
it was all my fault.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 1:54 PM
[redacted]
Posted by [redacted] | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:02 PM
So, Standpipe, what you're saying is that the sidebar should read...
Append #1 and call it definitive!Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:04 PM
The catchphrase complaint doesn't really adhere to Ben, though. Unlike—his mom.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:07 PM
6 and 7: What's the linguistic justification for using unfoggetariat rather than unfoggedariat? I have written "unfoggedariat" in the past, at least once (well it was three times, because I posted the comment thrice).
Reading it in the comment box, "unfoggedariat" makes more sense to me, but it may be that people pronounce it unfoggedariat. I want an explanation. I need to hear words like glottal stop and elision.
Posted by bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:15 PM
Yeah, and I might owe an apology to Cornel West. Strike that suggestion.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:15 PM
Ben Wolfson is the intact Cheerio in the otherwise steaming milieu of vomit that is Unfogged.
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:46 PM
I beg your pardon?
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:56 PM
"Ben Wolfson" is not Ben Wolfson, but a blogger of the same name.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 2:59 PM
And can I just say I love this site and meant nothing by my suggestion for Mr. Wolfson's sidebar.
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 3:01 PM
Proletariat, commentariat, secretariat.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 3:04 PM
The spelling I prefer is Unfoggedtariat.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 3:14 PM
And, as Labs doesn't believe in 'em, link.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 3:19 PM
There was a time when Unfogged opposed shaggy-dog indulgences and supported keen-eyed storytelling
Like this?
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 3:20 PM
The Unfoggedlodytes?
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 3:46 PM
I kinda like just "The Unfogged." But then Unfoggedonauts has some appeal.
Posted by Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 5:14 PM
Were Unfogged a city, its residents might be called Unfoggedians. Were is a middle eastern or central asian country, perhaps they would be Unfoggedis. I prefer to think of myself as an Unfo. More irregular!
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 5:21 PM
The Cocksucking Wizards of Unfoggedia?
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 5:29 PM
Since we already have the domain name and the discussion forum, once we figure out what to call ourselves we can pretty much IPO.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 5:47 PM
I thought we called ourselves the Mineshaft?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 5:52 PM
Next person to rechristen the comments gets an Aeron chair.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 5:54 PM
thebestestcommentsintheworld!
where's my chair?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 5:55 PM
43: I thought the mineshaft was where we were, not who we are.
Posted by bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:00 PM
Hold on, Tia. Your chair is under a pile of Nerf gadgets ten years deep. This could take a while.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:01 PM
Ben Wolfson is a charming fellow. He is kwashiorkor-negative and "kwashiorkor"-positive. He enjoys King Crimson, pie, and aesthetics.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:10 PM
Ben Wolfson is.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:12 PM
Ben Wolfson is a charming fellow.
Let me get my hands on your mammary glands!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:15 PM
"Ben Wolfson" is a deliberate corruption of "BHWH", known as the bentagrammaton. Do not utter it lightly.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:15 PM
Ben Wolfson is a perv. "King Crimson" is the name he gave his penis. He is an occasional consumer of protein.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:21 PM
"King Crimson" is the name he gave his penis.
My tumescent, incandescent, rubescent, sweet-scented, fertile crescent!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:28 PM
How adolescent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:30 PM
You should be more quiescent, woman.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:31 PM
Your ideas are obsolescent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:34 PM
So Ben, is an About page in the works or are you opting to remain aloofly mysterious?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:34 PM
An about page consisting of a link to this thread might be in the works.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:35 PM
It is my belief no man ever understands quite his own artful dodges to escape from the grim shadow of self-knowledge.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:36 PM
"Man?" I thought Ben was barely pubescent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:38 PM
I suppose I could have changed "man" to "one", but that's not how it appears in the original.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:40 PM
I am no mere adolescent, b.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:43 PM
Disqualified. I've already used that one.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:44 PM
Pathescent.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:45 PM
No, m'dear, effervescent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:46 PM
And so begins Unfogged's descent.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:47 PM
Too much more of this, and I'll long to be convalescent.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:47 PM
Perhaps I can indicate my maturity in another way, by saying I have proof I am the opposite of glabrescent.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:49 PM
This is getting to be incessant.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:50 PM
My tumescent, incandescent, rubescent, sweet-scented, fertile crescent!
Crescent?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 6:59 PM
Not to mention "fertile"?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:03 PM
Not just the soil but also the seed is fertile.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:05 PM
Yes, that's right. Soil. I said it.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:06 PM
Ben Wolfson fertilizes his own ass.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:10 PM
I am in thrall to the stinking rose, after all.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:15 PM
And its opalescent beauty.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:15 PM
Its iridescent shine and pearlescent luster.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:16 PM
Positively luminescent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:17 PM
74: That would be mixing the two dirts, I believe.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:17 PM
Your link is convalescent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:20 PM
Disqualified, B. Already used.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:22 PM
But the pleasure in B's comment remained, and wasn't lessened.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:25 PM
Don't be such a little bitch, Ben.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:26 PM
Ben's ass? Incandescent.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:31 PM
We're in a rut so deep, we could hang posters. Time for a new rhyme.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:33 PM
I often find off-rhymes not a little pleasant.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:34 PM
We're in a rut so deep, we could hang posters
You know, I heard you say something like this last night. Where was it? Oh yeah, The Mineshaft.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:35 PM
Oh, don't be a pissant.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:35 PM
I find feminine rhymes opalescent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:36 PM
Apo, ATM, I'm going to take your pawn en passant.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:38 PM
"ATM" will suffice, Tia.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:38 PM
ben please do about page misery put out of us thank you
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:44 PM
anybody got a peanut?
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:45 PM
Now is the winter of Standpipe's discontent.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:46 PM
text is the hero! and I mean it.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:47 PM
"pissant" does not rhyme at all with "pleasant", not even femininely, on account of the stresses. Now, this is a good example of feminine rhyme.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:47 PM
I actually don't get the "peanut" comment.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:48 PM
tomorrow is m'last day at work! and I'm a little tipsy! and I'll be quite drunk tomorrow!
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:48 PM
Anybody want a peanut?
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:48 PM
Before a baby can eat solid foods, you have to wean it.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:49 PM
Dammit, text.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:50 PM
If you'd seen The Princess Bride, the meaning might not be immediately obvious, but you'd be able to glean it.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:50 PM
Congrats, text! And I mean it.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:50 PM
If you want to know what the seed of the French Revolution was, you have to glean it.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:50 PM
hooray!
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:51 PM
No good, Ben, already used.
I have seen it.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:52 PM
when I lie on my side, I have to lean it.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:53 PM
thanks, b.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:53 PM
text, I'm at a loss for what's up with your decision to leave your job, would you care to elaborate in a way that I might glean it?
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:54 PM
dammit, wolfson.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:55 PM
It hadn't been used when I composed my comment, b. Curse this slow site response! Utterly disappointing's how I deem it.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:55 PM
And, previously, Tia: dammit.
All good thoughts have been thunk and expressed before I get there. You guys are hogging the hive mind.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:56 PM
Utterly disappointing
Just what I said when you tried to ream it.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:56 PM
'Twas used when I seen it.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:57 PM
the comments are too slow, putting Chops in a live bind.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:57 PM
Apo: hold still, I'm about to cream it.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 7:59 PM
once in a while, in the eighties, I used to charlie sheen it.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:01 PM
it wasn't that bad.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:04 PM
You know, that's pretty sad.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:05 PM
Is that related to Porky Piggin' it?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:05 PM
More obscure sexual metaphors: figgin' it.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:07 PM
do I want to know what that means, ben?
I was going to follow the charlie sheen line with another about weaning myself off the charlie sheening, but that would have pwned me. awful.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:07 PM
Should be unlawful.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:08 PM
if you do it standing up, you're john riggin' it.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:08 PM
Bye all. Have fun.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:09 PM
B, Remember the scene? It
Was on the boat, after the kidnapping, before the ravine; It had Vizzini, full of spleen; it
Was a show of wit so keen; it
Reminded one of Dowd, Maureen; it
Rhymed every word; Fezzik and Inigo'd drunk too much caffeine; it
Contained the line "Anybody want a peanut?"
Which completed, "No more rhyming now, I mean it."
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:09 PM
No, no, Standpipe! Don't run!
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:10 PM
Tom and Val, behind the scenes, were upside-down-mig-ing it.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:10 PM
Shaaaaaaaaaaaaane!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:12 PM
Why is it Porky Piggin' it? Why not Donald Duckin' it? I would think that would lend to better rhymes.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:13 PM
Insane Shane McKane?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:13 PM
It must just be apostropher's fondness for all things porky.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:14 PM
Tia, I remembered after Chopper privately proclaimed it.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:17 PM
I don't think I expected to find the answer at the Washington Monthly.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:18 PM
Kevin Drum, doin' the Humpty.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:20 PM
Have we really lost Standpipe?
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:33 PM
Only from this thread.
I can't say I blame Standpipe.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:35 PM
I am tired of all this leaving. so the chips are down. so we aren't very funny tonight. real men don't leave.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:35 PM
Whether or not SB is any kind of man at all is an open question, you know.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:43 PM
I'm tired of all this ambiguity. We should just put it to a vote, and assign SB a nominal gender. Let's create some reality. With enough votes, it could be 64.6% masculing, 33.2% feminine, 2.2% don't know/no opinion/don't care
Posted by Michael H Schneider | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:49 PM
No, Standpipe is Standpipe. There is no reason to put people in boxes. We love Standpipe for Standpipe's own Standpipeselfness.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:54 PM
Would we love Standpipe less, if Standpipe had an assigned gender? Are we genderists? And we'd be putting SB 56% in one box and 33% in another box, perhaps.
Posted by Michael H Schneider | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:56 PM
Some people just can't handle ambiguity, can they.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:58 PM
139: which is why standpipe, although real, has had no difficulty in leaving.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:59 PM
And, although Standpipe has said goodbye from this thread, I must say that I smile all of the time walking through NYC seeing all of the "standpipe" signs. I must walk past 20 of them just on the way to work. There's one right outside the door of my apartment, even. Someday, if I get really ambitious, I should take a picture of every standpipe sign I pass in a day. I suppose that would be either really cute or really creepy but I haven't quite figured out which.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 8:59 PM
I don't know if we'd be putting standpipe in a box, or if we'd be. I'll stop.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 9:00 PM
For a second I thought 134 was going to lead to a compromising picture of Kevin D.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 9:00 PM
I was afraid.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 9:01 PM
It was by association to actual standpipes that I mistakenly assumed SB was masculine. Somehow I'd have expected a woman to be Standpipette.
Posted by Michael H Schneider | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 9:03 PM
93: _
Also, does this mean you're about to move to Nashville? Congratulations.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 9:08 PM
not until April. 2 months!
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 02- 9-06 9:10 PM
Ben Wolfson is the son of the wolf's son.
Posted by ogmb | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 12:40 AM
I have compromising pictures of Kevin D! Insofar as you agree that his posing in a USC sweatshirt next to a guy wearing a Texas sweatshirt is compromising.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:18 AM
Somehow I'd have expected a woman to be Standpipette.
I'd suck on that pipette.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:35 AM
Also, posing in a USC sweatshirt is compromising simpliciter.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:40 AM
Ben Wolfson is the son of the wolf's son.
Or, grandson of the wolf.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 8:44 AM
156 -- You've got to watch your friends play golf,
Beatniks are learning how to rolf, yeah,
Wo-oh, must be the grandson of the wolf.
When I look...
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 8:51 AM
I'd suck on that pipette.
That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me, Ben.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:38 PM
Hmm, if I would be Standpipe Bridgeplate but for disliking Sufjan Stevens, and Ben would be Standpipe Bridgeplate but for some unknown quality, is it possible that I am Ben Wolfson?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:46 PM
There's a little Standpipe Bridgeplate in all of us, Tia -- Jeremy was heard to make this remark as he put on his jacket after the 4th annual Unfo Feast, where the entree was Standpipe Bridgeplate.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:50 PM
Doh! Forgot you are vegan. Sorry, did not intend to offend.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:51 PM
Osner, you're worred Tia was offended at your cannibalism joke because she's vegan? That just seems a little...off.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:54 PM
We have not yet determined whether Standpipe Bridgeplate is made of meat.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:54 PM
Tia—probably not.
(Warning: Link to Innocence.)
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:55 PM
Metal, I'd think.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:56 PM
I thought we solemnly passed out little pieces of Standpipe like communion wafers?
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:56 PM
162 -- Well it seems like a wider gulf separates the vegans and the meat eaters, than separates the non-cannibalistic meat eaters and the cannibals, doesn't it?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:57 PM
Nevertheless the appetizers were amazing, attendees raved, and in particular the cocktail Weiners.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:57 PM
(That link, BTW, not so easy to find due to our Muslim friend calling them "crackers". Betcha can't eat just one!)
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 1:58 PM
All the numbered interreferences in the "Innocence" thread are off by one. I suspect someone approved a quarantined comment.
The secret of happiness may have been snuch by in that quarantined comment. But which one is it?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:02 PM
167 seems highly debatable to me.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:02 PM
170: Oops - that would be my bad. It was this comment of mine that contained five links.
I will let you get the secret of happiness and then delete it shortly, since (like so much else on that thread) it was a throwaway.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:07 PM
171 -- so go 'head. See I am figuring, the difference between vegans and meat eaters is that one eats animal flesh, the other does not. Pretty categorical. But the difference between non-cannibal meat-eaters and cannibals is much more subtle -- one abstains from a particular species of animal flesh while the other will eat that species in addition to the others that they eat in common.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:07 PM
It was this comment of mine that contained five links.
If they were pork-sausage links, then that would be the secret of happiness.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:15 PM
Damn, but that would be a stupid debate, mainly because its resolution would require agreeing on some relevant vector of similarity/difference.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:18 PM
Veganism and cannibalism: natural bedfellows.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:19 PM
Happiness! I like those links. Perhaps you could preserve them for posterity somewhere?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:23 PM
173--It's just that I think that the taboo against eating other humans would break down for vegans maybe just a little bit more slowly than for standard (non-culturally cannibalistic) meat-eaters.
This discussion reminds me of the most inappropriate exchange I witnessed in a grad seminar full of 'em. We were discussing the shipwreck scene in B's Don Juan, and for some reason the crazy old coot of a professor thought it necessary to go around the room and ask each of us: "Would you eat the tutor?" Most of us understood the point--that civilized sensibilities aren't worth much compared to death--and answered yes after a second or two. And then this one girl, quite offended, answered "No." The professor asked: "Why?" And when she answered, "Because I keep kosher," he just erupted in laughter. (As he had unusually long, blackened, and snaggly teeth, his laughter was really something to behold.)
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:28 PM
Perhaps you could preserve them for posterity somewhere?
Problem solved. The comment has been magically moved from #85 to #1354 and the original numbering has been restored. Man, dealing with that post from the MT control panel is sloooow going.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-10-06 2:37 PM
Ben Wolfson is so gay, he ain't that gay.
ogged said it first, and better.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-12-06 8:16 PM
Hey, lookit.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-18-06 9:03 AM
Yeah, I noticed that. He forgot to add that Ben Wolfson is a hoagie-munching loner.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-18-06 9:53 AM