Re: Wiretapping For Fun And Profit

1

That's really, really funny. Imagine if everyone's e-mail signature was, "We will kill all the infidels tomorrow!" (I am totally trying to infiltrate the cell this "Alameida" person belongs to, Mr. Watchful G-man.)

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(Mr. Watchful G-Man, SCMT has already neutralized this cell's Shi'a leader. Don't fuck with him.)

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3

I hope you like rice pilaf.

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4

When my brother was in China last summer, I would pepper my emails to him with phrases like "Democracy and Capitalism, now and forever!" and "The revolution will be swift and merciless". I kept hearing things about their internet monitoring, I figured I'd test it out with little risk to myself. Nothing ever came of it though, which is a shame. Imagine all the stories he would have had after spending time in a Chinese prison...

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5

I had sex with someone who, shortly thereafter, became a covert FBI operative. Like, he carries a gun everywhere and can't tell anyone what he does or how he got involved. Don't ask if it's occurred to me that he might have already been an agent. I shudder.

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6

Did it occur to you if there might have been a causal relation? Have former lovers become markedly secretive?

Heheheheh…"secretive".

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7

Ben Wolfson, would you please wait util I post my very clever comment? Thank you.

—And here I thought the Moment of True Happiness was just a plot device.

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8

Actually, it was a pretty stunning one-night stand that left all three of us reeling. I remember the gentleman in question saying, "But what do I do now? How can I possibly get any cooler than I am at this moment?" I guess heading into a death-trap was the only way out of the conundrum.

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9

SB, you misspelled "weighted util," and don't we think that's not the way to discuss happiness anyway?

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10

Matt F's story reminds me of Mitch Mills, but I can't put my finger on why.

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11

Extra space is space enough for a thought to dwell in:

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12

Furthermore, "weighted util" doesn't make sense. It would be like saying "let's consider this inch to be longer than that one". You could weight activities, say, and assign them greater utilia, but to weight a util? Preposterous! I'm really disappointed in you, SB.

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13

Not enough thought went into 11.

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14

I am filled with shame. Comes a noob with a spectacularly cool story and I divert the thread to typo-driven philosophogeeking. Accept my humblest apologies, AWB. And: three?

(b-wo, the weight is a diminishing function of how far in the future it is.)

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15

While most utilitarian schemata may not have a typology incommensurate utils, surely we can imagine one which did. It would simply lead to a form utilitarian moral skepticism.

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16

"typology incommensurate" s/b "typology of incommensurate"

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17

a spectacularly cool story

On the contrary, that story is too damn hot for milk.

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18

By utility deserted,

he/she'd remember a faux chink,

and h/s'd find an extra space,

or a gap, in which to think.

ect ect ect.

And: three?

What could it possibly mean? The combinatorics alone are … breathtaking.

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19

On the contrary, that story is too damn hot for milk.

But is it too hot for unfogged?

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20

No worries, MW. Yes, three, and a once-in-a-lifetime circumstance, but one that inevitably leads one, afterwards, to stare down oncoming trains and think, "What if that was it, the high point?" Hence high-death-risk job, I suppose.

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21

But what happened to the third person? How was the body disposed of?

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22

faux chink

It was the skilled driving that tipped you off, I bet.

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23

Hrm. I'm kinda pwned.

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24

I'd like to say she became a lesbian pornstar, but she joined a nunnery instead.

Ooh! I wish I could say a nunnery, but really I mean she went on with her life and is finishing her dissertation this year. She didn't even drop out of school or anything.

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25

pwned how, SB? Interstitial comments on a different matter are not pwnage even by my lax standards, and 22 was well done.

(AWB, at least you could suggest she's Jennifer Garner. This year she's finishing her dissertation... on kicking your ass!)

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26

How was the body disposed of?

The receptacle as such is the dumpster; as the dumpster it holds in turn the disposed. The single individual, qualified as immediate, sensate, and post-coital, is the hidden. Thus his receptacle task is to work himself out of his hiddenness and to become disposed in the dumpster. Every time he desires to remain in the hidden, he trespasses and is immersed in spiritual trial from which he can emerge only by disposing of himself.

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27

Yes, the ideal end to the story would be each of us going on to carry arms as covert agents for three radically opposed world powers. Then there could be an off-Broadway show about our uncomfortable reunion, in which each of us was forbidden to say a word except, "Nice weather we're having," and "Do you think Santino will get kicked off this week?"

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28

pwned how, SB?

Ben's "faux chink" was already a humorous referece to Mitch Mills (whose friend knew someone Chinese, or similar), and by joking on it further I betrayed my slow-witted ungrasp of Ben's epithetic chop-socky.

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29

ah, an autopwn. I join you in slowness.

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30

As autopwns go, it could be worse. It could be a Escpbar.

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31

The ideal ending of AWB's story would have been not to have followed up on 8, leaving the third person shrouded not in jokes of winding sheets, but in the fog of mystery.

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32

reference to Mitch Mills (whose friend knew someone Chinese, or similar)

Who spent time (several years, I thought) in China. I am ashamed not to have come up with at least the next pair of lines.

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33

pwned

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34

Agreed that AWB's story is very cool, and deserves to have a film made based on it; but I don't think she qualifies as a 'noob' per 14 -- I've seen her comments here for Internet-ages already.

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35

Or both of the women could have become lesbian gender theorists, which is what happened to the other two in a threesome Bill Clinton had over in Oxford.

According to my source.

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36

Jerm-Oz, as far as I can tell, AWB first commented here a day shy of a week ago. She's still highly welcomable.

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37

Hm. I guess when I saw her first comment I constructed an alternate past in which I had been seeing occasional comments from her all along. Or mebbe she comments elsewhere that I've read and mixed that up with the Mineshaft.

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38

My uncle was an Air America pilot (the CIA airline) in southeast Asia during Vietnam. When he was applying, he warned everyone in the family that their phones would likely be tapped for a while during the clearance process.

Mom, then in her early 20s, took to starting every conversation with her girlfriends with "Hello Eileen. Hello Mr. FBI man." and closing in the same way. I like to think this was incredibly irritating.

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39

I can't believe no one is paying attention to Alamedia's hilarious post, which has 300+ comment potential written all over it.

I blame AWB! AWB, just a tip: don't tell spectacularly cool (but only marginally on-topic) stories in the comment threads of good posts -- save those for enlivening the boring posts!

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40

LB -- your mother's girlfriends lived in a secret research facility where everybody is named "Eileen"? Take me there! Probably gone now, all the good stuff of our parents' era is...

Urple: at the Mineshaft, all posts are boring.

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41

at the Mineshaft, all posts are boring

You must choose poor lovers. My post is a source of unending excitement, I assure you.

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42

a secret research facility where everybody is named "Eileen"?

Queens in the early 60's. Oh, the occasional outlier was named Mary Margaret (or, of course, Margaret Mary), but Eileen was a fairly safe bet.

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43

300+ comment potential

You say that like it's a good thing. When in fact it's just an excuse for Weiner to nab all the good odometric comment numbers.

43!

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44

39: My story didn't do the bulk of the off-topicking here.

If we all followed Alameida's lead, wouldn't that be like everyone in class disrupting the substitute at once? There'd be no hope for regaining control and we could take over.

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45

Do we have a vague sense of how subversive a comment has to be before it piques The Man? I like to think of The Man obliging us by holding his hand yea-high, showing us just how subversive.

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46

Or both of the women could have become lesbian gender theorists, which is what happened to the other two in a threesome Bill Clinton had over in Oxford.

At long last, proof that Bill Clinton is the hero!

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47

I've long thought that Christopher Hitchens' whole career since 1993 can be explained by this quote:

"We [him and Clinton] had a girlfriend in common -- I didn't know then -- who's since become a very famous radical lesbian."

IIRC the lesbian denies ever having been Hitchens' girlfriend. The thing is, Hitch has been pissed at Clinton ever since, and when Clinton became president it drove him insane.

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48

So no one gave Angry White Bear a fruit basket? Did we all assume that she had gotten plenty in the course of the events described in 8?

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49

Re: Alameida's original post.

Do not tease the rhinoceroses! They have no sense of humor.

In the Far Side, the punch line was "Rhinoceroses don't understand the difference between 'laughing at' and 'laughing with'." But Alameida is definitely "laughing at" here.

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50

37: I believe A White Bear can be spotted at BitchPhd's. This may be the source of your familiarity.

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51

Re #46: It just occured to me - is it possible that Apostropher is the Clenis?

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52

I found WB first! She's all mine! Mine, I tell you!

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53

51: I am Jack's executive penis.

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54

That explains quite a bit.

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