Re: Thursday Morning Mystery

1

Oh. Oh my god.

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2

Did anyone humiliate anyone else with his or her tongue?

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3

Yes?

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4

"Humiliate" is such a strong word.

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5

Could I jump in with a guess here? One of them had a dark secret which s/he was nervous the others would ask about, so was acting edgy and not speaking much. S/he proceeded to get blindingly drunk and unburden him/herself of his/her secret to the rest of the crowd, then went home and fell into a fitful sleep. Woke up this morning and could not look in the mirror.

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6

Also, I'd like the record to reflect that while Jackmormon's tongue may be *slightly* longer than mine, and although the consensus may be that she could beat me up, I can totally wiggle my ear, as confirmed by the bald lurker.

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7

Well, I hope you all enjoyed yourselves.

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8

Was the abalone tasty?

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9

I kept a straight face through that right up to "Maybe a raccoon on my birthday." Then I lost it.

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10
others assert that the orifice in question is not yours or mine or anyone's in particular, but rather the universal anus
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11

Tia, you make it sound like you have only one ear.

I have this power as well. It has almost never been useful.

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12

I'm reluctant to make this genetic abnormality part of the official arcana, but really, Tia, "slightly"?

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13

I can only wiggle one of them. And excuse me, after last night, I'm just trying to salvage what's left of my pride out of the rubble of my soul.

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14

I *knew* I should have made the trip.

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15

Cross-posted: I don't think we suffficiently examined the possibility that you have a smaller nose, and indeed a smaller face, conferring on you an advantage unrelated to raw tongue size. I have a huge face. My tongue has to bridge canyons.

And you were never persecuted for your tongue size. No one ever made you wear spikes in your mouth.

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16

No one ever made you wear spikes in your mouth.

Umm, what?

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17

Apo, there are certain details only people who come to the meetups get to know.

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18

Tongue crib.

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19

I totally concede the point, though, that while I maybe could beat you up, it's far more likely that you would (or even should) beat me up.

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20

would (or even should)

Must! Must!

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21

Hey LB totally out back-pocketed Apo, there.

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22

Tongue crib.

Huh. Now that I've googled it, I understand, but I had no idea such things existed.

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23

out back-pocketed

This seems like something that should properly refer to a kangaroo.

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24

21: I started to write "and that's not a euphemism," but you know what? It is a euphemism.

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25

And I think that the general consensus was that described "shy lurker" bald Chris should comment more often.

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26

All I remember is a surprisingly high level of gentility.

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27

Were there no jews then?

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28

There was Jack -- she's no gentile.

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29

We did talk a lot about religion, another thing I'd never thought would come up.

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30

Tribe of Ephraim, baby!

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31

We did talk a lot about religion, another thing I'd never thought would come up.

See, this is one of the things I didn't remember that Becks was referring to in her post, though now that you mention it, I do. I was drunk very early in the evening, because even though I got their first, no one else noticed me as they came in, and they all went back to a booth in back. I had 40 minutes to sit by myself and drink before I started wandering around forlornly and Becks recognized me. I was sober later, though, reversing the usual order of things.

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32

Were there no jews then?

Just Wolfson and a bunch of Mexicans.

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33

Oh, we should tell of how Wolfson obessively rearranged the table dressings and the salt and pepper shakers, prompting much mirth.

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34

Once I and another person with similar inclinations were preparing the reception to follow a speaker's talk at the phil dept, and we arranged everything very elaborately. I arranged a bowl of cherries into those whose stems had fallen off and those whose hadn't, and arranged the latter group in a ring around the edge of the bowl with all the stems pointing up, and the former group into a pyramid in the center.

Then the dept. head came in and completely ignored it, preferring to just grab a handful and upset all my work.

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35

Were you able to escape your knowledge of self in the cherries?

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36

Wolfson's other blog.

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37

I am not, in point of fact, bald.

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38

I was very proud of the fact that when Tia brought up the garden of Eden in conversation, I was able to whip a copy of Xenophon's Anabasis out of my pocket so that we could make easy reference to the map in the back.

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39

37 is correct. I noticed follicles. Chris has shaven his head out of choice, not necessity.

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40

Chris, you've got to take it up with gg-d; facts are only for the disobediant!

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41

Bald

Does it say anything there about necessity?

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42

this is one of the things I didn't remember that Becks was referring to in her post

So there's a real post somewhere?

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43

One day she's feigning ignorance of meta-ethics; the next she's quibbling about modality. Oi.

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44

Nah, that's clearly the Humean sense of 'necessity' in which it's opposed to liberty.

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45

So there's a real post somewhere?

Your mom has a real post somewhere.

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46

I don't know about anyone else, but I just assumed bald referred to an arresting and unmediated candor, as a personal style.

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47

So, in other words, Becks wrote a write-up which the main page posters can read in draft form but you can't all agree on how to summarize certain events?

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48

I thought it meant his head was covered with white feathers, as per definition 4. I'm having a hard time expressing how disappointed I am.

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49

Oh, nothing like that. I just emailed her to ask if she was doing a meetup post, and we both agreed that our recollection of events was fuzzy enough that we wouldn't do it well, so we'd just invite people to comment.

I now have to go back to reading the Wikipedia page on symbolic logic in a vain quest to make a joke in response to 43.

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50

Obviously, the onus is on Ben to do a meetup post, since he's the one who, you know, met the most new people.

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51

Now, 20 is quibbling about modality.

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52

We did discuss the grooming of pubic hair as well, so it's not as if we've exhausted the possible meanings of "bald." I like the idea of growing white feathers on my head, though.

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53

When not rearranging salt and pepper shakers, Ben Wolfson does indeed frequently sit in this pose.

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54

52: White feathers down there would be pretty.

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55

Joe Drymala won the meetup with the most amusing story of the night, which I will not repeat out of tact and discretion for the parties involved. And because the fact I was amused would reveal me to have a very crass sense of humor.

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56

If it's the one I'm thinking of, Becks, I thought it was funny, and I have a famously delicate and refined sense of humor.

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57

Oh hey, I just remembered something else that happened: I got disabused of my apparently mistaken notion that the Axe ads with all the plastic cups were referring to oral sex. It was painful too, because the conclusion that they were about oral sex was arrived at after months of pondering, and I was proud of myself when I'd thought I'd figured it out.

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58

Good. I hate crass humor.

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59

Well, I'm just as priggish as can be, but I laughed too.

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60

Why all the secrecy? I remember much talk, and laughing, but if someone was to gently remind me of the content of Joe's hilarious story, I'd enjoy a nice little refried chuckle today.

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61

Yeah please unburden yerselves. Alter names and googleproof as necessary.

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62

Oh, Tia, the look on everyone's faces when you said "spit cups" made me really happy. It also may have made you the most popular girl in the world.

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63

It was about a non-Unfogged person, whose innocence should be protected!

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64

I might have been more popular had I not indicated, by implication, that I could conceive of doing anything other than swallowing. Joe made me feel guilty when he turned to me and asked, "Who spits?" He's a better man than I.

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65

AWB, as a reminder, it was about my significant other, and visits to the spa.

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66

64: Is this some vegan thing?

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67

Alright, I'll just come out and say it: I've been so cursed that if I swallow your essence I'll also steal your life force. It's for your own good, world!

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68

Ah, yes.

66: It depends which animal you're expressing kindness to, the little guys or the host.

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69

The most least interesting part of the evening was when Ben made a Meinong "joke " and then said "no one got that." How can one be properly taught the theory of definite descriptions without having at least heard of Meinong, who, as I was taught at least, had the previous theory in the area.

My plan to trick non-attendees into thinking the get together was boring is foolproof.

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70

So General Ripper's error:

"I do not avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence," was in assuming that all women, or women in general, possessed this power, when in fact only a few do? He certainly seems to have confused essence and life force as categories. And I can see that, even though I lack the time, training or inclination for strategic thought.

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71

Hey I found a joke you guys should appreciate.

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72

Tia, doing research counts as too much effort. The funny thing is that you might discover that I rarely know what I'm talking about.

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73

w/d: mostly I thought no one heard it.

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74

...over all those loud and screechy girls.

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75

mostly I thought no one heard it

...and that all those girls in high school were probably just lesbians.

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76

I guess I had to get my coochie waxed on that day of class.

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77

Wolfson looks awfully familiar in that photo linked above.

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78

so, 76, what?

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79

We did some personal grooming at the meetup last night, MW.

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80

Question for anyone familiar: what are the differences between blogspot and typepad, and what are the merits and drawbacks of each?

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81

Blogspot is free but frequently annoying. Typepad is not free but will give you far fewer headaches. For basic blogging, I see it a time vs. money tradeoff.

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82

Also, for roughly the same price as TypePad, you can just get your own domain and use whatever content management software you desire.

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83

WordPress is said to be another option for those who don't...

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84

Cool. Thanks, guys.

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85

Blogspot goes offline without warning, offers crappy tech support, and has awful comments architecture. But it is free. And very easy.

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86

Back in the day when i had a blogette going i fell in love with expression engine. Still use it as a matter of fact.

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87

ben wolfson, you sir are a liar! Someone's getting a "Mission Accomplished" banner for his birthday.

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88

Just don't meet at the place down the street where they serve barleywine by the pint...

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89

It's easy enough to code Haloscan into your Blogspot if you don't want their stupid comments feature. If I were smarter and more hands-on, I'd want a Wordpress account since those are the loveliest blogs and mine is kind of Walmarty, but I've run four blogs on Blogspot in the past few years and have never had much difficulty with them.

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90

Here it is, the comment ten hours in the making:

P: Chris can grow hair on his head

Q: Chris chooses to shave his head

R: Chris has white feathers on his head

A: Chris can grow pubic hair

B: Chris chooses to shave his pubes

C: Chis has white feathers on his crotch

(¬ P V Q V R) V (¬ A V B V C) → BALD

∴ P → ¬ □ ¬ BALD

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91

No, Scott, you don't understand.

There is a grad student at Stanford named "Ben Wolfson", but (a) I am not he and (b) that's a pseudonym too.

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92

Then how come when I send email to his address you answer? Admit it! You two are in cahoots. He does the hair, you write the papers; together, "ben wolfson" gets tenure at a top tier program. You are so busted. Or will be, if you don't tithe me, um, ten percent of your your earnings.

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93

He or she sends them on to me.

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94

Tia, excellent work. A++. I'm tempted to send you my midterm. Actually, I'm double-plus tempted to send you the ones I have to grade.

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95

Ben: I hope that's you in that shot, because I really wanted to say... nice shirt.

Also: Our kids would have the best hair.

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96

Joe: I haven't been using it long, but I like WordPress.

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97

POBISSIBIBLE WOBIRLDS stole my lunchmonkey

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98

Re 90. I'm very flattered. No one ever spent 10 hours on anything even remotely related to my crotch before, even as a joke, even on my honeymoon. This really is (necessarily) the best of all possible worlds.

The Joe-story that Must Not Be Told reminded me of this, but I didn't mention it because it's hard to slip a hyperlink gracefully into actual conversation. (Silly actual conversation! No wonder you're obsolete.)

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99

I didn't actually spend ten hours on it. It was probably more like 35 minutes.

(Women. We build you up only to knock you down.)

And hey, I got an A from Weiner! Labs told me I was trying too hard, but that's just cuz he's jealous. Did he get an A from Weiner?

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100

I believe this is the highest grade ever given to a comment.

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101

The main thing that happened at the meetup is obviously that everyone agreed to torture the rest of us by pretending something happened. Then they all sat around and stared at each other in awkward silence for about an hour or so until someone said, "well, I really have to go..." and everyone else said, "yeah, me too!" and they all skedaddled.

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102

I've moved on to wondering how the Mongolian Rally benefit was, and whether LB actually sang.

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103

See the top of the page. "Sang" is a tricky question -- I certainly held a microphone and made vocal noises, but I don't believe that an objective observer would have described what I did as singing.

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104

I believe this is the highest grade ever given to a comment.

Does A++++ count as more than one hojillion points?

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105

Category error.

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106

I think not.

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107

I did get something very special from Weiner, Tia, namely, some attention to my post, which was cruelly pushed down the page by you and everyone else. I'm very, very bitter about this.

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108

La la la la I can't hear you!

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109

107: "Weiner, Tia," s/b "Tia's weiner"

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110

I swear I wrote a response to 87 almost immediately after it was posted. That missing comment said: Without denying the existence of Ben's pathological lying problem, I don't see any evidence of it in this comment thread, or any website one would reach by clicking a link embedded in a comment in this thread.

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111

Since I've already put this post back on the sidebar of the frontpage, rather than e-mailing Tia I'm going to put a vague comment here. Something which I predicted would happen, while talking to you in person, did happen. I'm fairly certain that, assuming you know what I'm talking about, you knew it happened before I did. I can't remember if you disagreed with me that it was going to happen.

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112

111 -- you got a stiffie?

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113

(That is to say, one prominent enough for your interlocutor to notice it?)

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114

w/d I'm not sure I noticed. I thought something maybe happened earlier today, but I don't remember you predicting that thing (or any other) in person.

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115

(What I thought happened involved a stairwell)

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116

Apparently, I'm not good at this.

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117

I thought the prediction involved something that somebody wrote.

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118

Becks is right. I was in the process of e-mailing you.

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119

Dammit, I meant not to confirm or deny anything once TMK made his guess, but I promptly forgot that "rule".

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120

Oh, does this prediction involve someone getting a better offer? I knew about that.

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121

Tia gave someone a stiffie in a stairwell, but then he got a better offer?

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122

Well, I could hardly blame him for leaving me in the lurch; some frottage in a stairwell doesn't count as a commitment in this day and age, you know.

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123

Now that what I was failing to coyly allude to this time has been cleared up, does "stairwell" refer to what I failed to allude to last time? If so, I missed it, but it's possible.

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124

Yes, "stairwell" refers to what you failed to allude to last time.

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