Re: Cruise control.

1

Gawker just retracted that story:

Actually, it's come to our attention that in his recent Primetime interview with Diane Sawyer, he joked about eating placenta and then noted that the media would run it as a serious quote. Way to follow instructions, everyone.
Not that this should stop us from making fun of it.

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2

Somehow that makes it even better.

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3

One awesome feature of this post is the way it made me think "what, Tom Cruise wants to eat Tia's placenta?" in one sentence, then answered my question in the next.

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4

How did the post make you think Tom Cruise was going to eat Tia's afterbirth? I don't see any semblance of such a suggestion. Though it is a nice mental image I guess. If that's what rocks your boat.

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5

Who will appear in the Broadway production of Tia's magnum opus, "The Placenta Monologues"?

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6

Yeah, when I wrote it, I meant to suggest Tia eating Katie Holmes' placenta. Which, I'm sure we all agree, would be teh hott.

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7

I'd eat Katie Holmes' placenta if it were well-prepared.

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8

I wouldn't be surprised if Cruise ate the baby.

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9

Xenu told him that eating it would result in really good hair.

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10

You know what I meant.

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11

. . . Mineshaft-style topical riffing . . . .

You know, there's something like that going on over at apo's place, and Mineshift input would be (as always) heartily welcomed.

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12

Totally unrelated, but, look at me being serious! You used the air that cost money!

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13

I need the name of a political dynasty somewhat less impressive than the Kennedys. Not a totally evil one, like the Bushes, just less impressive.

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14

Tafts?

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15

Okay, I guess that'll work. Thanks, Joe.

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16

To be a lint puppet, Tia, you meant "political dynasty somewhat less impressive than the Kennedys that wasn't mostly renowned for producing the biggest president ever."

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17

Alright, then give me a better one. I felt like posting my comment but I can revise it in another one.

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18

Any and all lint puppets will be happy to know that I changed it to "Dead Cuomos."

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19

The problem is, there's no rumor about TomKat that's too insane not to seem true at first glance.

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20

The Seasoning Salt Girls was so awesome (and would be a great concept to execute, too). I like to think my watchful eye spurred you to greater heights.

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21

19 = "somehow" in 2.

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22

12: The Air! The Air! omigod! I've never seen a pompous ass be so funny! The Air! The Air That Cost Money! Okay, I'm going to go die now. Also, I'm Very Disappointed in You!

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23

The BBC is reporting that Katie has had the baby: it's a girl.

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24

Ok ok ok, 'member the scene in Tampopo where the group of young Japanese women are being instructed on the proper "Western" way to eat spaghetti, that is to eat it silently, no shlorping, while, in the next section of the restaurant a Westerner is eating his plate of spaghetti very noisily indeed. I had that flashback, with appropriate substitutions, as I imagined the TomKat afterbirth feast. No shlorping! And the barely audible, "Katie, this tastes awesome!"

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25

The Air! The Air That Cost Money!

Frank Burns eats worms.

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26

Thanks Weiner. I agree, it is fun to envision the Seasoning Salt Girls. I imagine Moderately Well-Apointed Seasoning Salt to be clad with doilies and seated on a credenza topped with a nice bouquet of dried flowers, and Fetus Seasoning Salt to be dragging around her placenta...and thus this thread comes full circle.

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27

the cruise-holmes baby's name is suri.

(why do i know these things?)

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