Re: How We Have Not Been Sued Yet Is Beyond Me

1

Becks is teh instigator!

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2

If Commies had not meant us to eat meat, why is so much of it red?

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3

Instigator's second question betrays a lack of logical thinking that a good introductory philosophy course would remedy.

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4

By "second question" I meant the one about god, vegetables, and animals, not about pineapple and tofu (blecch).

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Wouldn't a good introductory philosophy course deal with the question about pineapple and tofu too?

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3 -- didn't Socrates ask Adeimantus a similar question in the second book of the Republic?

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7

Is vegetarianism blasphemous? Could be.

God: "Hey! You know how *long* it took for me to design that pig? A fucking long time! And you know I did it? So you could EAT it! So you could be HAPPY! That's why it TASTES SO GOOD! And now you've got a problem with that? You're just throwing it back in my face?! This is the thinks I get? To hell with you, pal!"

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I don't pay: possibly if the focusing question of the course were the problem of evil.

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9

I'm with Ben in 4. Pineapple, tofu, and green beans? There had better be some kind of seriously mitigating sauce involved.

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10

I am not The Instigator. The Instigator is a co-worker of mine with legendary abilities to engage even the most mild-mannered of people in heated arguments that leave them sputtering and speechless. See also.

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11

I believe the tofu and green beans were mixed and the pineapple was served separately. I try not to pay too much attention to Vegetarian Yoga Guy's lunches, though, because he is one of those people who is so over-the-top nice that if you say "that looks good", he'll try to give it to you.

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12

(Um, give you the lunch, I mean.)

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13

If the lunch consists of tofu, green beans, and pineapple, however arranged, is there really a danger of saying "that looks good"?

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14

I'm surprised at all the condemnation: I'm a fairly meat-and-potatoes eater, but that could be good. If the tofu were fried crispy, and the green beans were also nice and crisp, with pineapple for dessert -- I'm not saying that I'd pack it as a lunch, but I could see it being tasty.

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15

Totally off topic, but sometimes MY makes me really happy.

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16

Well I don't know, a very good (if not particularly authentic to any cuisine) stir-fried dish could potentially be made which included tofu and green beans as ingredients; and a fresh pineapple with (or even without) crème fraiche would make a nice dessert.

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17

I mean to say, "What LB said".

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18

15 -- Hey, when did Tapped get comments?

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19

A couple of months ago, or maybe less, like six weeks? But not all that long in any case.

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20

Didn't realize there was so much anti-tofu feeling around here. I'm not sure I'll feel comfortable in this climate of hostility, going forward.

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21

How you'll feel? Think about me! 47% of my calories come from soy!

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re: 14

This sounds delicious. Put some crushed red peppers on the tofu, cook in some onions--yummy.

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23

Why assume it's anti-soy?

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24

How can I read 13 as anything else?

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25

I wasn't aware that there were soy versions of green beans and pineapple.

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26

Actually, that should read just pineapple, combinations including which I quite frequently do not like.

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27

This thread reminds me of a (potentially not-at-all-)risible blurb from a college rag I used to read:

"An Introductory Conversation Among Spanish-Speaking Food Items in the Dining Hall"

Food Item #1: Hola, soy milk.
Food Item #2: Hola, soy sauce.
Food Item #3: Hola, soy beans.

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28

But Becks said the pineapple wasn't combined with anything! Come on, eb, admit it. There's a lot of anti-soy feeling in the culture, and you're a product of that culture. Let's not dance around the real issue with this faux concern about fruit.

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29

The Instigator sounds highly entertaining.

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30

While my friends drank fruit juices at lunch in school, I drank soy milk, sweetened and boxes. I assure you that my soy enjoying credentials are impeccable. The combination of pineapple with pineapple is something I've been known not to eat.

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31

two choices: "and boxed" or "in boxes"

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32

Mmmm, environmental estrogens.

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27: Someone should name their kid Lent Green.

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34

I only recently became a fan of pineapple. I had a chest cold that wouldn't go away and Vegetarian Yoga Guy (along with filling me full of holistic herbal teas) kept bringing me pineapple to eat and pineapple juice to drink because it supposedly breaks up chest congestion. (A questionable logical argument was made that it worked for the same reason that Jell-O won't set if you put pineapple in it.) I don't know if it helped with my cold but I realized, hey, I like pineapples.

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35

Isn't pineapple supposed to make one's urine (and other fluids) smell (and taste!) of pineapple?

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36

Oh, and the pineapple juice Vegetarian Yoga Guy brought me was awesome because it said 100% COK on the label in big, bold letters. (He's Russian and I'm guessing "COK" means "juice" in Russian.) I showed Mark the bottle and many jokes were made about how if I was just getting more cok, I'd feel better.

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37

Mark is The Instigator?

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38

Mark is my gay best friend, who I have talked about many times before. The Instigator is nobody I've mentioned, except in the comment I linked to in 10.

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39

I was not aware that irrational dislike of pineapple was so widespread a problem.

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40

who I have talked about many times before

I admit that I have not done all of the Becks-related reading that was assigned.

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41

I know, Tim. The only character in my repertoire that you pay attention to is my mother.

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42

I quite liked Gay-Drunken-Threesome-Roommate guy, too. But I suppose he is scratching the same itch as your mother.

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43

If I said, "Tim! That's a terrible thing to say about Becks's mother!" I'd just be feeding into outdated patriarchical constructs of feminine modesty, I suppose.

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36: COK does mean "juice" in Russian. I believe it's pronounced like "suck", probably just for the greater naughty joke potential.

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45

I didn't mean it that way! I really didn't. I just find them both...sassy?

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46

Am trying to come up with someone in Tim's repertoire...

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47

Come to think of it, Tim has no discernable backstory that I can recall -- I can't come up with a memory of a comment mentioning family, friends, a location, an education, a profession... Maybe I'm just not remembering it. On the other hand, maybe Tim's a disembodied head floating in a jar and typing with his nose.

How about it?

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48

That's largely true, but here he mentions another person. Unless it's dissociative identity disorder.

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49

Wasn't there some other woman who objected to a remark about dessert? Or maybe that's the same woman.

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50
Hell, but for the awareness to say it and the extraordinary work ethic the best of them (him?) has, I am Chet. And once every few weeks, I go out with some friends and revel in my Chet-ness. At a minimum, I'm certainly not working from a scale that ranks Chet above me in any interesting category.
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49: I don't think they would up dating.

OK, I'll stop now.

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52

l s/b n

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53

Heh, I remember that story now. So he has a sister, at least.

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54

Also, politically speaking.

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55

Did he flee?

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47: Tim likes his anonymity. Also, I don't believe I've ever said or implied anything about having a head.

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57

Or, for that matter, a jar.

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58

If you're a head in a jar, do you have a jar?

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59

I believe, under those circumstances, I would refer to my vitreous integument as my jar. So yes, I believe you do.

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60

Lore would suggest the jar is the property of the mad scientist conducting experiments on your head or brain, e.g., Dr. Necessiter.

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61

18: January 17, 2006 at 9:05 AM.

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62

If you're a head in a jar, do you have a jar?

I think the jar has you.

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63

irrational dislike of pineapple

I know! What's wrong with these people?!! Pineapple is up there vying with mango, honey, and Stilton for "the food of the Gods" status.

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64

Now there's the ingredients for a really scary salad.

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65

I don't like pineapple because of the texture. This is the main reason I dislike foods generally.

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66

I dislike foods generally.

That must be very difficult for you. Nasogastric tube, or IV feeding?

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67

Suppositories.

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68

What you take to discharge your hypotheses.

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69

64 -- Yeah the foods I listed are, in addition to being divine, pettish. If you put them in a dish together they would exrt all their energy prancing and posing, trying to distract attention away from the others and sulking when they felt they were not getting enough of the spotlight. They can be mixed in certain combinations but care must be exercised -- Stilton and honey are very nice together but you need a large hunk of coarse brown bread to anchor them. I would not put mango in a fruit salad with anything else, but pineapple is very good with melon -- melon is a subdued fruit, it will not get into any diva-y conflicts with the pineapple. Crème fraiche is of course good with mango or pineapple.

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70

I can think of nothing so tasty as ice.

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71

De gustibus non es disputandem I guess.

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72

69: I think you should read this, TMK.

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73

69: I think you should read this, TMK.

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74

71: I vowed (silently) to stop using that phrase (not the "I guess" part) after I saw Richard Posner use it on Monday. He was actually quite funny; this reminded me of the important lesson that very smart and funny people can be wrong about a great many important issues.

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75

Maybe you should read it twice.

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76

Could we please stop with the references to delicious leavened foods for the next 22 hours or so? Thanks.

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77

Mmm. Doughnuts.

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78

I hate you.

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79

Yeah, a warm raised glazed, sweet and yeasty, would really hit the spot right now, wouldn't it?

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80

I hate you too.

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81

Relax, have a beer.

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82

I don't know, I have trouble finding fresh doughnuts at night. You really need to get them very soon after being baked.

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83

Yeah, but then I don't have the energy to leave the house.

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84

Pineapples are kosher for pesach! Mangos too. Go wild.

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85

I quite liked Gay-Drunken-Threesome-Roommate guy, too. But I suppose he is scratching the same itch as your mother.

Being utterly Becks-illiterate, I am made very happy by the things my imagination can do with this comment in the total absence of any actual knowledge.

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86

You really need to get them very soon after being baked.

Dangling participle alert!

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87

Don't worry, MK, I've got plenty of fruit and nuts on hand. I see no need to resort to pineapple.

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88

86, meet 83.

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89

86: One interpretation is certainly true, and while in the other "need" might not be the case, it's surely not a bad idea. Apo, you want to weigh in?

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90

Seriously, what is up with this aversion to pineapples? I've never heard of such of thing.

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91

I didn't like them as a fussy child -- too acid. Now I love them, but I could see retaining the 'too acid' judgment into adulthood.

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92

I'd rather have goat anus.

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93

Like I said above, the texture is what I don't like. The flesh is spiky! You bite into it and it doesn't give. I prefer food I can chew (prior comments notwithstanding).

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94

I don't know if it's real Thai or fauxthentic Thai or what, but there's a qualifier-Thai dish I really like that features tofu and pineapple prominently. Also red peppers and other goodies. No green beans, but I can't think of a principled objection to those, either.

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95

Pineapple is the bomb.

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96

I'm sure there are things I like that include pineapple, but I don't think I've ever known what they were called. Who knows, maybe I've eaten that [modifier] Thai dish.

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97

94 is much appreciated.

I'm not advocating putting pineapple on pizza. It seems unfair to judge it in that context. I mean only that the fruit in its natural state is perfectly pleasant.

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98

95: bomb s/b grenade.

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99

I had also been thinking of pineapple-and-tofu Thai dishes. But there's nothing really wrong with pineapple on pizza, if you're going frou-frou on your pizza.

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100

I, personally, don't like pineapple on my pizza. But I don't hold it against the poor pineapple.

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101

Again with the leavened bread. I hate you all.

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102

You know, with ham, it really isn't bad. But I've only had ham/pineapple pizza in Samoa.

Have I ever told the story of introducing the concept of pizza delivery in Apia?

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103

ham/pineapple pizza

The proper formulation is, "Canadian bacon with pineapple tidbits". (And I must say, pizza is not a particularly good venue for pineapple, or any combination of pineapple with meat. As far as I've experienced anyway.) LB -- did your aversion to pineapple as "too acidic" extend only to canned pineapple? Because I could see thinking this about canned pineapple or about underripe fresh pineapple.

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104

Apropos of this thread, an older one, and my having not eaten dinner yet, I went to Pommes Frites and tried the vietnamese pineapple mayo as my sauce. It is delicious.

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105

Pineapple on pizza is an abomination. We declare it anathema.

(Seriously. Something about pineapple with tomato sauce -- or any fruits with tomatoes -- yeesh.)

(Barbequed chicken pizza is also right out.)

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106

BBQ chicken pizza kept me alive my freshman year in college. It will always have a place in my heart. And my stomach.

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107

re:91

Acid levels in pineapple have been reduced dramatically by new cultivars which became common in US markets around 2000. The effects of this switch upon the taste of the bodily fluids of the nation's fruit-eaters remains up for debate.

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108

Is 107 for real??

I like pineapple,but I'
ve always found it dangerous as a breakfast food. If you drink coffee after eating pineapple, you rmouth sort fo stings and there's a bad taste in it.

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109

Pineapple and pizza are two of the yummiest foods around, but not together.

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110

We're almost there, teofilo. Almost there. Console yourself, as I am, by eating ridiculous quantities of macaroons.

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111

63 is right. And tofu is quite good, and tofu + pineapple + green beans would be a perfectly valid stir fry, as someone pointed out.

Also, pineapple on pizza is delicious. In fact, PK insists on it. So there.

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112

111 -- Ack! No! Don't put the pineapple in the stir-fry! That would be a terrible mistake. Eat it separately, for dessert.

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113

It's fine in stir fry. Jesus, people. Expand your horizons a little.

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114

111 gets it exactly right.

Pineapple is delicious on pizza. When I was growing up, my mother would put sweet pickle cubes on pizza, which sounds awful but is surprisingly good. Another excellent variation is to use red pepper jelly instead of tomato sauce, especially if you're putting shrimp on the pizza. Mmm.

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115

(Seriously. Something about pineapple with tomato sauce -- or any fruits with tomatoes -- yeesh.)

What about tomatoes with tomatoes?

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116

And tofu is quite good, and tofu + pineapple + green beans would be a perfectly valid stir fry, as someone pointed out.

I must be spelling "placenta" wrong, because I can't seem to find the place where you approve of adding soy to it for a nutritious meal, B.

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117

There is small place in Warsaw run by a self-help commune of addicts/ex-addicts that serves massive portions of the most incredibly delicious and original vegetarian meals. Very many done with Tofu as an ingredient. The place heaves with suits lunchtimes, and with cooler types evenings. Last autumn, it kept me more or less alive there.

No Pineapple in the stir fry there though, B.

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118

Venturing further afield: Last night we were reading Little House in the Big Woods, and we got to the part where Caroline and the girls make cheese. Now Sylvia has got a bee in her bonnet about making cheese and it sounds like fun to me too -- but I have not made any cheese since about 1990 or so (vegetarian, i.e. rennet-free, farmer cheese, which ended up tasting about like panir). Have any of you done it more recently? Any tips?

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119

The only placenta that really tastes good is bovine placenta.

As to pineapple and green beans together, I can't believe you people don't eat Thai food.

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120

I've thought for years a good band name would be "Placenta Burger"

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121

118: Easy! Get a hunk of cheddar, a gallon of milk, and a little bit of something granular--sugar, flour, glitter, whatever. Pour the milk into a container, sprinkle the granular material over it and explain that it has to set for 24 hours to turn into cheese. Put it in the fridge. When the kid's back is turned, put the cheddar into a container *exactly like* the container the milk is in and pour the milk down the drain. Viola!

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122

No no no. Do not make cheese. People have struggled for hundreds of years developing incredible cheeses. One doesn’t sully the spirit of their good work just to remove a bee from one’s bonnet. Stop the madness, and support these master craftsmen!

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123

The only placenta that really tastes good is bovine placenta.

How many different placenta have you eaten, B?

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124

118: Easy! Get a hunk of cheddar, a gallon of milk, and a little bit of something granular--sugar, flour, glitter, whatever. Pour the milk into a container, sprinkle the granular material over it and explain that it has to set for 24 hours to turn into cheese. Put it in the fridge. When the kid's back is turned, put the cheddar into a container *exactly like* the container the milk is in and pour the milk down the drain. Voila! Cheese!

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125

Crap, I tried to catch the viola just as I clicked "post," and apparently didn't. Sorry for double post.

123: I've found that when devouring pregnant animals raw, it's hard to really avoid the placenta. So, lots.

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126

Oh ho ho! But I have had an excellent curry dish, featuring tofu and green beans—served in a pineapple. And it was amazing.

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127

And thus will our civilization endure.

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128

Pineapple and green beans in curry are fine together, and very tasty.

Pineapple is only anathema on pizza.

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129

Oh, and here is a site about making cheese. I've never made cheese, but one of my geeky grad school friends has, so it can't be that hard.

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130

Try making this cheese with him, B. He'll remember it forever.

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131

Give the guest of honor at a birthday party a bottle of a fruity red wine and a pineapple, and instruct him or her to drink the former out of the latter. Someone came up with this idea for a birthday party I hosted, and I thought it was very fun.

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132

I'm not the one who wants to make cheese. TMK is.

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133

With Apo saying in 114 that one can make pizza with "red pepper jelly," I am compelled to ask, just as the heat compels the flakes to rise, what are the essential qualities of pizza? It's certainly not the shape, nor is is the presence of tomato sauce, nor, I'd be willing to contend, the presence of mozzarella or any other cheese. So what then?

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134

The scent of basil and oregano, and a relatively flat crust. Cheese, or tomato sauce, or both.

Pineapple is anathema. So is BBQ sauce. (Why? Why?). Most everything else is okay, including a lovely mashed potato pizza a place near me makes.

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135

Wait, you're okay with mashed potato pizza but not pineapple???

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136

Pynchon's Mason & Dixon contains an excellent discourse on the essential nature of pizza.

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137

a fruity red wine and a pineapple

When my ex-wife went to Japan last year, she brought me back a bottle of pineapple wine. It was repulsive.

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138

Most fruit wine is repulsive. We recently opened a very anticipated bottle of cranberry wine, and pretty simultaneously spat out our first sips. Robitussin.

BBQ sauce on a pizza is lame in that special American way, but it's more normal than mashed potato. Before we rush to judgment, though, we should find out what else was on this mashed potato pizza. I can imagine that if it had, say, cheddar cheese, bacon, and chives, and was advertised as a kind of deconstructed baked potato, it would at least have a certain artistic integrity.

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139

You read Mason & Dixon??

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140

139 s/b "You're okay with Mason & Dixon but not pineapple???"

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141

I read the first 40 pages or so.

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142

139: I read the first 200 pages or so enthusiastically, and the rest of it with less (and constantly diminishing) enthusiasm. But the pizza thing came fairly early on, when they were in the South Seas. And I'm fine with pineapple, I called it "the food of the Gods" above, dint I? I just don't view pizza or stir-fry as an appropriate venue for its greatness.

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143

And this reminds me: the very first Internet community I was ever really involved in (i.e. not counting sporadic postings on various USENET forums) was the Pynchon-l, and the way I found out about them was to stand in line outside of St. Mark's Bookshop on the morning Mason & Dixon was published, waiting for the doors to open so I could buy my copy. Actually it was a very short line, just me and this woman, but it was she who told my about the Pynchon-l.

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144

We recently opened a very anticipated bottle of cranberry wine, and pretty simultaneously spat out our first sips. Robitussin.

That's interesting, because cranberries themselves are very tart. My guess: tarted up (so to speak) for the hypothetical consumer who couldn't handle the real truth!

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145

Pynchon's Mason & Dixon contains an excellent discourse on the essential nature of pizza.
If it doesn't feature a sentient lightbulb, I'm underwhelmed.

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146

If it doesn't feature a sentient lightbulb, I'm underwhelmed.

See it's people like you who stand in the way of progress. You'd go to a John Fahey concert and be disappointed when he didn't play "Sunflower River Blues".

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147

I like the taste of Robitussin.

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148

Enough to drink glasses of it?

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149

You'd go to a John Fahey concert and be disappointed when he didn't play "Sunflower River Blues".

This is unlikely for a number of reasons.

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150

I wouldn't sip glasses of it. Shots, maybe.

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151

Well go for it then -- I understand you can get a wicked high off that.

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152

Yeah, my high school self can confirm that you have to slug that shit back fast if you want to drink enough to get a DXM buzz. Luckily, the gelcap formulation eliminates that problem (though you might find them a bit flavorless, Becks).

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153

Robotrippin.

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154

I know a couple of guys who were pretty seriously into Robitussin as a recreational drug. *shudder*

Maybe our mistake with the cranberry wine was that we should have been pounding shots instead of sipping with cheese?

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155

I don't think you would have got a DXM buzz, however much cranberry wine you forced down.

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156

BTW -- some neighbors gave us a bottle of blueberry wine as a moving-in present, and it has been exiled to a dark back of an out-of-the-way cabinet, where it is never going to be drunk, at least not until Sylvia grows up enough to be interested in alcohol and going through cabinets looking for it.

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157

My advice: if you want Sylvia to swear off alcohol for a good long while, let the blueberry wine be her first taste of it.

Random funny thought: some friends and I once found, in a drug store, a bottle of knock-off cough syrup called, simply, "Tussin." We spun a whole story about how Tussin might end up getting shot in the line of duty, made into a cyborg, and return as RoboTussin.

It was funny at the time.

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158

During the pineapple-fest yesterday, I wanted to post a photo of my pineapple-boat Viking-funeral, but now that I've recuperated my digital camera, I've discovered that I just can't get good enough resolution from the photo-of-a-photo.

Just imagine it, then: ten paper-doll cutouts of Vikings with helmets and spears and three square-rigged sails, all propped up with wooden skewers, in a half-pineapple boat floating down the Seine, gloriously aflame.

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159

my first underage drunkenness experience was apricot brandy. I don't think I drank again for a couple of years. gaah!

Could someone please give the source for the sentient light-bulb? I thought I'd read all of Pynchon (well, except Mason & Dixon and the last three quarters of that Gravity's Rainbow book) and I don't remember any sentient light-bulbs anywhere.

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160

I do remember with great pleasure the Christian rats.

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161

I haven't read a single page of the first thing you mention, and I've read every page of the second.

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162

well, any sentient lightbulbs?

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163

We spun a whole story about how Tussin might end up getting shot in the line of duty, made into a cyborg, and return as RoboTussin.

It was funny at the time.

It made me laugh.

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164

Crap, that goddamn italics cutoff, I always forget it.

Oh well, y'all know how that should've been formatted.

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165

162: See 145, and take for granted that you have read every Pynchon novel other than the one's you mentioned, and that 145 is referring to a Pynchon novel.

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166

Long about the middle of Gravity's Rainbow (page references here, if you scroll down) we meet a lightbulb named Byron who is, yes, sentient. (Also Byron had a compadre named Bernie, but Bernie is only mentioned very briefly. A Norwegian filmmaker also made a film about Byron. Mcmc, you'd be well advised to reapply yourself to the reading of that fine novel.

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167

Rats. Consider that parenthesis as having been closed before the note about Norway.

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168

I'm not sure what that apostrophe is doing in "one's". Possibly hanging out with its friends "n" and "s".

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169

I hate problems. Let's see, mason and dixon has pizza but no lightbulbs, v, christian rats; lot 49, silent tristero's empire; vineland has ninjas...okay, but if I read Gravity's Rainbow and find no sentient light-bulbs, I am going to be very very upset with you, washerdreyer.

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170

The mashed potato pizza is sort of deconstructed, heavy on the garlic, on a white pizza.

It's basically pure starch overload such that your brain overloads and you want more.

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171

Oh, I should have previewed. Thanks, Kid. G's R it is, then.

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172

No, you shouldn't have previewed. The commenter formerly known as JO ruined all my fun.

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173

Cala -- that sounds kind of similar to the ziti pizza that we have here in New Jersey. I'm not a huge fan though I can understand the appeal of so much starch.

Mcmc -- still, you ought to read the book. One of the greatest things ever written and all, y'know. Immortal sentient lightbulbs are only a tiny fraction of the mystery that awaits you.

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174

Sorry w/d -- I get into this paedagogical frame of mind and I just forget myself.

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175

It's nice but when you eat the pizza, you can hear your fat cells simultaneously singing praise unto potatoes and expanding.

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176

172: nah, wd, I actually had to come out of my blog-trance for a second there.

Why has the Kid gone all anonymous, anyway? Kid, do you have stalkers?

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177

Oh, I will read it. actually, a colleague of mine had promised to bring in her copy for me, but she keeps forgetting. I'll just have to get my own, and just as well, as with a book this enormous the odds against my not spilling coffee on the pages at some point are almost incalculable.

Cala, so garlic mashed potatoes go in the pizza oven and get all brown and crusty? Mmm.

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178

Is vegetarianism blasphemous

God is my Jewish grandmother?

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179

I was once reliably informed that the thing about pineapple and various fluids is true. But this was back in the 1980s, before the Dole company started inserting antacid genes in pineapple embryos.

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180

Mason & Dixon, which I actually pulled off the shelf with the intent of re-reading earlier this week, I shall always cherish for having a joke about the War of Jenkin's Ear. I ask but little, you know.

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181

Why has the Kid gone all anonymous, anyway?

Just trying to fit in with the crowd, Mcmc.

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Slolearner -- If you care to look them up there are pretty extensive reading notes to Mason & Dixon archived at WASTE -- search for MDMD (Mass Discussion of Mason & Dixon, it stands for) and you will get more information than you could possibly process, some fraction of it quite useful.

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