Your comment about Instapundit is why I don't frequent political blogs. It's all these people who have exactly zero access to anyone working for either party having screaming fights about how to package the platform. Please. Who cares what any of these people think Al Gore should do or how Bush can package the run up to '06 elections?
Now, the Unfogged commentariat; that's a whole other ball of wax. Ahem.
I know we're all supposed to be being all nice and everything to ogged because of his diseased emo liver or whatever, but I just can't help saying that you have always been my favorite Unfogged blogger, Fontana, even back in the day when you weren't even posting here yet. Even back before you even started commenting here. Even then.
It is well attested that G. Washington could attain land speeds in excess of 60 miles per hour. A little back-of-the envelope confirms that, because of the drag incurred by each marginal dick, motherfucker necessarily had no more than 20 goddamned dicks.
Post: Lawyers, Guns and Money, while an excellent blog (what's the proper formatting for a blog title anyway? gotta be italics, right?), is neither Fresh Pepper nor Bad News Hughes.
46: HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MY MOVIES? THAT'S HOW I TALK!
SAY IT. TIA. OR IF THAT'S TOO COMPLICATED, THE BLACK PRIVATE DICK WHO'S THE SEX MACHINE TO ALL THE CHICKS WOULD BE AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE. THE THINGS I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.
So I guess none of the rest of y'all saw the Shaft remake. Graham made me watch it because he, inexplicably, loved it. I used to try to startle him and then imitate Jeffrey Wright saying, "Why you flinch?" Later, I don't remember how, we got into a conversation in which we were trying to best each other with bird pun themed put downs, and I think I won with "Why you finch?" I realize this is not funny to anyone else, but I'm a poster on this blog now, which means I don't have to be entertaining.
I did see the remake, but on a really crappy bootleg VCD on a really crappy television and with a bunch of snarky drunk people, so we didn't catch much of the dialogue. Or story line.
I seem to remember there was a bad racist who eventually got his come-uppance. And did Jackson play Shaft? I seem to remember it was Ving Rhames. Maybe I'm mixing it up with Jacky Brown . . .
(also, sorry if I seemed to patronize, I didn't mean to)
You know what's a sure sign that a blog post is going to be entertaining? When it begins with the sentence "Oh, I just remembered — one time I made out with this retarded kid in church."
We should probably start all of our posts that way.
You wanna hear about injustice? That a hot chick like me with bird puns and a secret weiner was in a relationship with someone who made her watch Shaft, but continues to insist that The Princess Bride is a mediocre movie.
Dude, that shaft remake sucked, but the original is awesome nonetheless. Princess Bride is kind of lame, I have to say, in sort of the way that the Grateful Dead and Monty Python are lame, viz., partly because people get so irritating about them.
Well in my defense, I must say that the location where I watched the crappy VCD on the crappy TV with all the drunk snarky people was China, and the cognitive load of trying to tell all those inscrutable Asian people apart, much less understand them and their inscrutable ways, was too great to allow me to devote any synapses to the also challenging task of telling black people apart. Plus it's not my fault if those racists in Hollywood choose black actors that all look and act and sound alike.
Also, I watched Jackie Brown around the same time and under the exact same conditions. Except I think Jackie Brown had Thai subtitles or something like that. I do know that both bootlegs were produced in the time-honored fashion of having some guy sneak a handcam into a cinema. So you got to hear all of the audience's reactions, as well as their cellphones, not to mention the occasional silhouette of someone getting up to go to the bathroom. Sort of the poor man's (as in too poor to afford robot commentary) MST3K.
Of course, the fact that Ving Rhames is in neither of those movie isn't really helping my case. Did I mention that the crappy television also had a really small screen? And that some of my best friends are black people?
I've been toying with putting up a site sort of like that about my now awesome knowledge of Chinese people and culture and incredible air of ease around them called "You Don't Know From General Tso".
Actually it wasn't sincere. Hence the extra punctuation marks, my general method of indicating I'm not being serious (not that you would know that). I was just sort of running with the stereotypes theme, and the one about "the Jews control everything" just sort of came to mind. It's kind of amusing that the answer is "yes", though.
That video is fucking awesome.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:07 PM
And I'm going to hell for how much I laughed at that Schindler's List joke.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:08 PM
JEWS ON A TRAIN! featuring samuel l. jackson.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:12 PM
GET THESE MOTHERFUCKING JEWS OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKING TRAIN!
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:16 PM
Your comment about Instapundit is why I don't frequent political blogs. It's all these people who have exactly zero access to anyone working for either party having screaming fights about how to package the platform. Please. Who cares what any of these people think Al Gore should do or how Bush can package the run up to '06 elections?
Now, the Unfogged commentariat; that's a whole other ball of wax. Ahem.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:16 PM
(If there was any doubt about my afterlife plans before...)
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:16 PM
I'm in pain over this George Washington thing. I can't watch the rest of it because the laughter-tears are standing in my eyes.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:18 PM
I know we're all supposed to be being all nice and everything to ogged because of his diseased emo liver or whatever, but I just can't help saying that you have always been my favorite Unfogged blogger, Fontana, even back in the day when you weren't even posting here yet. Even back before you even started commenting here. Even then.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:20 PM
I'M TIRED OF ALL THESE JEWS ON THE DAMN TRAIN.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:21 PM
7 gets it exactly right.
Oh and 5 too.
And uh, you're great too Becks.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:22 PM
M/tch's wife left him for an unemployed Iranian.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:22 PM
9: Whose version is that? Lacks conviction.
And quick poll: how many people on this thread do you think are Becks style?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:24 PM
11: That's certainly not going to help your poll numbers, ogged.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:26 PM
In the style of Becks? I count: Becks.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:27 PM
Probably M/lls too, since he brought it up.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:27 PM
I am not Becks-style commenting tonight.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:28 PM
And, now that I'm in the thread, me. But just a little.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:28 PM
AWB, you do know that at the Mineshaft, "Becks style" means posting while drunk?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:28 PM
I have no idea what "becks style" means.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:29 PM
When Becks is Becks-style, you can tell.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:29 PM
You're such a dick, with that timing, M////tch.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:29 PM
Just how long have you been gone, FL?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:30 PM
I've just realized that after listening to the George Washington thing, the first sentence of this comment is no longer operative.
Sorry, apostropher.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:30 PM
Oh, I do that a lot. But no one ever called it Becks style. I'll go get another beer.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:32 PM
A few weeks, teo. Long enough to get it out of my system.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:32 PM
Things would be a whole lot easier if you'd just asking me questions first before posting all willy nilly, FL.
And also, ogged conveniently neglected to mention that that unemployed Iranian was really really handsome. His arms weren't skinny at all or anything.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:33 PM
Glad you're back, Labs. I promise to do my part by only blogging about people who shit in the shower.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:38 PM
You know, Becks, I used to work out with a guy whose girlfriend took a dump on his foot while he was in the shower. Small world, eh?
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:43 PM
Regularly, or just the once?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:45 PM
It is well attested that G. Washington could attain land speeds in excess of 60 miles per hour. A little back-of-the envelope confirms that, because of the drag incurred by each marginal dick, motherfucker necessarily had no more than 20 goddamned dicks.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:46 PM
28 - Like, did he ask her to? Or did she just do it? On purpose or by accident? How does that happen?
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:46 PM
One direct-to-foot hit, and one thrown at him, also in the shower.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:46 PM
He didn't ask for it, Becks, but the other details are hazy. This is a rare instance in which "a guy I worked out with" doesn't actually mean me.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:48 PM
Or "guy I have sex with"
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:51 PM
Swear to God, round about comment 18 I was going to post a comment that began "Not to poop on Becks, but…", and now I'm very sorry I didn't.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:51 PM
32: Were both during the same shower?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 9:56 PM
This is the best Two Minute Mystery EVAR.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:00 PM
Was it sparkly?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:03 PM
I suspect that I will only be able to appreciate that video when I get a computer with sound.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:09 PM
washington!
i'm in love with brad neely!
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:13 PM
Last comment for the night: I think these were two distinct showers. This makes it better, in my view.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:16 PM
who would win a washington/rapebear smackdown?
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:18 PM
Labs and Ogged. All is now right in the world.
Also, I never understood how you could read the freaky-ass right-wing blogs in the first place.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:26 PM
Labs and Ogged.
We are aimless beasts in comments, without our Siegfried, without our Roy.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:38 PM
motherfucker necessarily had no more than 20 goddamned dicks.
But, really, any number over 6 is just gratuitous.
JEWS ON A TRAIN! featuring samuel l. jackson.
YES THEY DESERVE TO DIE, AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 06-29-06 10:49 PM
would you stop yelling at me please?
Posted by arthegall | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 6:27 AM
Post: Lawyers, Guns and Money, while an excellent blog (what's the proper formatting for a blog title anyway? gotta be italics, right?), is neither Fresh Pepper nor Bad News Hughes.
46: HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MY MOVIES? THAT'S HOW I TALK!
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 7:42 AM
WHAT'S MY NAME?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 7:46 AM
You shouldn't hide today's two minute mystery like that.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 7:53 AM
WRONG ANSWER!
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 7:57 AM
what's the proper formatting for a blog title anyway?
Link text, like you did it.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 7:57 AM
WHAT'S MY NAME?
Say "what" again, I dare you.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 7:58 AM
WRONG. ANSWER. MOTHERFUCKER. WHAT'S MY NAME?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 7:58 AM
Uh... Tia?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:02 AM
What's on second.
Posted by washerdeyer | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:03 AM
SAY IT. TIA.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:05 AM
WHO'S YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' DADDY?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:07 AM
*pistol whips apostropher across the jaw*
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:09 AM
Uhh, that was the wrong answer. Ow. Stop that.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:11 AM
SAY IT. TIA. OR IF THAT'S TOO COMPLICATED, THE BLACK PRIVATE DICK WHO'S THE SEX MACHINE TO ALL THE CHICKS WOULD BE AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE. THE THINGS I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:13 AM
TIA.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:14 AM
jeez. finally.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:15 AM
I think Tia's been hypmotized into believing she's a badass or something!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:16 AM
Let's test her: Tia, what number comes after 5?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:16 AM
Who always comes through for you in the end, huh?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:17 AM
64: Seven, and don't even patronize me.
65: you are the hero.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:20 AM
and don't even patronize me.
Is this an offer to do it for free? Cool! I'll get the raccoon mask and the water dish!!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:25 AM
So I guess none of the rest of y'all saw the Shaft remake. Graham made me watch it because he, inexplicably, loved it. I used to try to startle him and then imitate Jeffrey Wright saying, "Why you flinch?" Later, I don't remember how, we got into a conversation in which we were trying to best each other with bird pun themed put downs, and I think I won with "Why you finch?" I realize this is not funny to anyone else, but I'm a poster on this blog now, which means I don't have to be entertaining.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:34 AM
I made a pun once. It was awesome.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:39 AM
I realize this is not funny to anyone else . . .
I think it's funny.
I did see the remake, but on a really crappy bootleg VCD on a really crappy television and with a bunch of snarky drunk people, so we didn't catch much of the dialogue. Or story line.
I seem to remember there was a bad racist who eventually got his come-uppance. And did Jackson play Shaft? I seem to remember it was Ving Rhames. Maybe I'm mixing it up with Jacky Brown . . .
(also, sorry if I seemed to patronize, I didn't mean to)
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:40 AM
69: Was it a pun about oral sex?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:41 AM
I realize this is not funny to anyone else, but I'm a poster on this blog now, which means I don't have to be entertaining.
You have learned well, grasshopper.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:43 AM
I've repressed all memory of that movie.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:43 AM
It was a pun about the human condition.
I'm lying. I didn't make a pun.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:44 AM
I don't have to be entertaining.
You know what's a sure sign that a blog post is going to be entertaining? When it begins with the sentence "Oh, I just remembered — one time I made out with this retarded kid in church."
We should probably start all of our posts that way.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:45 AM
The combination of bad-assery and "why you finch" is so, so hot.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:46 AM
so, so hot.
You should try getting smacked across the jaw with her secret weiner. Sizzle!
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:48 AM
You wanna hear about injustice? That a hot chick like me with bird puns and a secret weiner was in a relationship with someone who made her watch Shaft, but continues to insist that The Princess Bride is a mediocre movie.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:50 AM
also, sorry if I seemed to patronize, I didn't mean to
It's just so insulting. You think I can't count? I have eleven fingers just like you.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:51 AM
Nice try, Tia, but "secret weiner" != "extra finger".
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 8:53 AM
Dude, that shaft remake sucked, but the original is awesome nonetheless. Princess Bride is kind of lame, I have to say, in sort of the way that the Grateful Dead and Monty Python are lame, viz., partly because people get so irritating about them.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:03 AM
Twelve counting that.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:03 AM
81: You left off "knowhatImean? nudg nudge wink wink eh?" on the end of that last sentence.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:06 AM
Labs obviously does not know better than to get involved in a land war in Asia.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:07 AM
84: I bet he doesn't expect the Spanish Inquisition, either.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:09 AM
But he knows instinctively that every silver lining has a touch of grey.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:10 AM
Christ, I should have known better. You people are merciless.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:12 AM
Life is full of disappointments.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:15 AM
people get so irritating about them.
Also known as Ayn Rand Syndrome.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:15 AM
I'm trying to come up with some joke now about White Rastafarians, but I'm drawing a blank.
Mon.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:20 AM
For a while there in the mid 90s, I thought I was going to have to start killing massive numbers of people to make them stop quoting Pulp Fiction.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:30 AM
Would you have gone Medieval on their asses?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:33 AM
Don't give him trouble, w/d. He's just trying to be the shepherd.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:35 AM
I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet. It's the one that says Bad Wittgenstein.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:46 AM
What about this remake?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:54 AM
Who would win in a grudge match, Shaft or George Washington?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 9:57 AM
Cookie! Can you dig it?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 10:05 AM
I have indicated as much before, but it's worth repeating: Cookie rules. But seriously.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 10:10 AM
70: And did Jackson play Shaft? I seem to remember it was Ving Rhames.
Damn. I hate to the play the card, but that is quite possibly the whitest sentence I've ever seen on Unfogged.
Posted by Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 12:14 PM
Whiter than this?
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 12:22 PM
Not so.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 12:22 PM
Crap, link in 100 (Kobe!) should be to comment 135 of that thread, which I can't get to work. Wtf?
I pwned and then I was pwned.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 12:28 PM
I see what you mean. Just sort of a creamy off-white sentence, then.
Posted by Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 12:33 PM
Well in my defense, I must say that the location where I watched the crappy VCD on the crappy TV with all the drunk snarky people was China, and the cognitive load of trying to tell all those inscrutable Asian people apart, much less understand them and their inscrutable ways, was too great to allow me to devote any synapses to the also challenging task of telling black people apart. Plus it's not my fault if those racists in Hollywood choose black actors that all look and act and sound alike.
And anyway, black people love me. Dig?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 12:55 PM
Also, I watched Jackie Brown around the same time and under the exact same conditions. Except I think Jackie Brown had Thai subtitles or something like that. I do know that both bootlegs were produced in the time-honored fashion of having some guy sneak a handcam into a cinema. So you got to hear all of the audience's reactions, as well as their cellphones, not to mention the occasional silhouette of someone getting up to go to the bathroom. Sort of the poor man's (as in too poor to afford robot commentary) MST3K.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 1:01 PM
Of course, the fact that Ving Rhames is in neither of those movie isn't really helping my case. Did I mention that the crappy television also had a really small screen? And that some of my best friends are black people?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 1:04 PM
No worries, M/tch. You had me at "inscrutable."
That "Black People Love Us" site is teh awesome, I must say.
Posted by Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 1:22 PM
I've been toying with putting up a site sort of like that about my now awesome knowledge of Chinese people and culture and incredible air of ease around them called "You Don't Know From General Tso".
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 1:48 PM
Who Was General Tso And Why Are We Eating His Chicken?
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:04 PM
I know the people behind the "Black People Love Us" site and dislike one of them intensely.
Posted by None right now | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:04 PM
Are you black?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:06 PM
Well, no. Maybe that's the problem.
Posted by None right now | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:07 PM
Are the people behind the "Black People Love Us" site Jews????
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:11 PM
108: You should do it! I, for one, do not know from General Tso and would find it an invaluable educational resource.
Posted by Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:16 PM
Is that a sincere question? If so, yes.
Posted by None right now | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:17 PM
112: The proper answer there is, "Only when it's convenient."
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:20 PM
115: I KNEW IT!!!!
Actually it wasn't sincere. Hence the extra punctuation marks, my general method of indicating I'm not being serious (not that you would know that). I was just sort of running with the stereotypes theme, and the one about "the Jews control everything" just sort of came to mind. It's kind of amusing that the answer is "yes", though.
N.B. Jews love me.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:23 PM
That would be a good answer to 113 as well.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:24 PM
Jews love me.
That's what you think.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:25 PM
Jews love me.
Only when it's convenient.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:29 PM
Jews would love me, if they weren't such a hateful race.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:31 PM
"hateful" s/b "perceptive"
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:34 PM
122: Damn crafty Jews!!!!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:35 PM
Remember, we run the world.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:37 PM
And black people love you.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:38 PM
When it's convenient.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-06 2:39 PM