Man I so totally know the answer to this one, but I won't ruin it for everyone. Still, it's going to bugg me something fierce not to burst out with the answer thusly:
NOOO!!! You IDIOTS!!! DON'T you SEE!!11!! THE DOG FETCHED THE DYNAMITE!!!!!
Theoretically, teofilo, but it's been, like, eight minutes and he hasn't shown up. He said he was ready. He obviously doesn't understand the kind of dedication this takes. It's not for the faint of heart.
This is a meta two minute mystery. The level one mystery is in the post. The level two mystery is where teofilo is and why he'd submit a mystery and then vanish. Solving the first will be a clue towards the second.
Was the chair anchored to anything?
Was the man anchored to the chair using rope? Chain? Adhesive? Other?
Was the man grasping the chair before his death?
Two-minute mysteries are all so violent. Why do we never see ones that pose the question, "Where did she get that ice cream cone?" or "Exactly how comfortable is the couch?"
Was the chair recently elsewhere?
Was the cabin recently elsewhere?
Did the man know, the day before he died, that he would die?
Did anyone else know, the day before he died, that he would die?
I guess you don't think these TMM are so stupid after all, ogged.
I wrote and deleted the part where I reserved the right to keep thinking these are stupid. You try fighting boredom for two months while people decide which parts of you to take out, missy.
Well, I bet a cracked rib could puncture your heart and lead to massive internal bleeding and death within minutes. Also, massive bruising. So if bruising is an external injury...
But what do you die of? What kills you in a plane crash is that you get thrown around and break stuff, or burn to death. A hard landing that isn't hard enough to leave marks on you probably won't killy you. (Oh, I suppose the seat belt could rupture your spleen, and you could bleed to death internally, but it's pretty low odds that you'd be visibly uninjured.)
Carbon monoxide would work, if his cabin were too well-sealed against the cold and the chimney were clogged.
My folks used to tell a scary story about my grandmother's uncle, who got unexpectedly snowed in during a late-season prospecting trip. He survived the winter by supplementing his canned food with spruce-needle tea, but on the first thaw, every cabin he encountered on his way to town had only dead men--dead, of scurvy! (Whether they were sitting in chairs or lying in bed was not reported.) And, to the day he died, great-great-uncle P. never touched another drop of tea...
Is the mountain covered with snow?
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:12 AM
i know this one! a classsic!
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:13 AM
Man I so totally know the answer to this one, but I won't ruin it for everyone. Still, it's going to bugg me something fierce not to burst out with the answer thusly:
NOOO!!! You IDIOTS!!! DON'T you SEE!!11!! THE DOG FETCHED THE DYNAMITE!!!!!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:13 AM
Is he recently dead?
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:13 AM
Did he die in an avalanche?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:13 AM
Was he no longer able to maintain biological functioning?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:15 AM
SCURVY! DOGS!
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:15 AM
Where'd 'e go?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:17 AM
Is there "material" anywhere in the cabin?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:18 AM
I hate the two minute mysteries.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:18 AM
Did he freeze to death after dropping his last remaining match?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:19 AM
Wait, isn't someone supposed to answer all these questions?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:19 AM
Did he freeze to death after dropping his last remaining match?
Nice.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:19 AM
How did he die?
With grace and dignity.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:20 AM
Theoretically, teofilo, but it's been, like, eight minutes and he hasn't shown up. He said he was ready. He obviously doesn't understand the kind of dedication this takes. It's not for the faint of heart.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:20 AM
Was he sent there by a link from Instapundit?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:21 AM
Is the cabin on the mountain on a planet without a breathable atmosphere?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:22 AM
13: Nice? It sounds like a horrid way to die!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:22 AM
Is teofilo the dead guy?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:24 AM
Was he bored to death by arguments between an Enlightenment hyperrationalist and an advocate of Medieval submission to the judgment of an angry God?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:24 AM
This is a meta two minute mystery. The level one mystery is in the post. The level two mystery is where teofilo is and why he'd submit a mystery and then vanish. Solving the first will be a clue towards the second.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:27 AM
Is it the weekend? Is his name Bernie??
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:27 AM
Did he forget that the vessel with the pestle held the brew that was true?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:27 AM
Did he die due to loss of blood and "material" from an exploding scrotum?
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:28 AM
Is the mountain Erebor, known to men as the Lonely Mountain patrolled by Smaug?
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:29 AM
I bet he never got his wafflecake, either.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:29 AM
Oh, I figured it out. That's no fun.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:30 AM
There you go with all that assuming again, apo.
Slut!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:30 AM
Whoa, hang on. I need some time to catch up.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:31 AM
You googled, didn't you silvana.
Also, yet another word we somehow missed in our linguistic explorations: abutt.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:32 AM
Did he die performing a maneuver, which maneuver was the subject of a scene in Clerks?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:32 AM
The mountain is not covered in snow.
He is recently dead.
He did not die in an avalanche.
No to all the joke ones.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:34 AM
31: No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:34 AM
On the second date, one can then rebutt.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:35 AM
30: No. I was going to make a joke, and then I was like, wait, that's the real answer.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:35 AM
Is the cabin covered in snow? How recent is recently? Is the cabin made out of snow?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:36 AM
6: Yes, but isn't that just the definition of "dead"?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:36 AM
Is he Good King Sauerkraut?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:36 AM
You see, teo, the jokes are actually quite effective.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:36 AM
36:
a: No.
b: improperly formed question
c: No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:37 AM
6: Yes, but isn't that just the definition of "dead"?
Is it? You tell me.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:37 AM
38: No.
41: If it is, then yes. If not, then no.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:39 AM
Did he die in the cabin? Could he have died the same way had he not been in a mountainside cabin?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:40 AM
Did he die of asphyxiation? (I think I got it)
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:40 AM
Are there any visible wounds upon the man?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:40 AM
Oh, crap, now I remember the whole thing. Yes, a classic.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:41 AM
Are there invisible wounds? How can you tell?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:42 AM
Was the man allergic to shellfish?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:42 AM
You know what simple game I really like? Mastermind.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:44 AM
Well, there could be internal injuries, and in these games, it is best to be precise to the point of redundancy.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:45 AM
Well, there could be internal injuries, and in these games, it is best to be redundant to the point of precision.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:47 AM
Well, there could be redundancies, and in these games, it is best to be precise to the point of internal injuries.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:51 AM
He died in the cabin.
He could not have died the same way anywhere else.
He did not die of asphyxiation.
He has no visible wounds.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:52 AM
I still don't know the answer! No one give it away.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:52 AM
Is the chair upon which he is seated ceramic?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:53 AM
So, he didn't die due to lack of oxygen in his blood? (Just to be clear on what asphyxiation means.)
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:54 AM
Did he die of natural causes?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:54 AM
55: No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:54 AM
I never give it away.
Everybody has to pay and pay.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:54 AM
Wait, that's stupid, he could have died of a natural cause anywhere else.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:54 AM
Is the man tied to the chair?
Is he somehow anchored to the chair?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:55 AM
Did he die of natural causes?
If you think no longer being able to maintain biological functioning is natural, then apparently so.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:55 AM
56: Okay, he may have in some sense died of asphyxiation, but he didn't choke to death.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:56 AM
Was his death caused by another person?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:56 AM
Was the cabin the man's property?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:56 AM
Did he die from smoke inhalation?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:56 AM
Did the man die of electrocution?
Did the man die due to fire?
Did the man die of overheating?
Did the man die of hypothermia?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:56 AM
61a: No.
b: Yes.
He didn't die of natural causes, in case that's unclear to anyone.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:57 AM
He did not die of asphyxiation
Really? I'm using the term in a broad sense.
More precisely, did he die because he couldn't get enough oxygen into his lungs?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:57 AM
64-67: All no.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:58 AM
Ah, ok. Got it.
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:58 AM
69: Really. And still no.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:59 AM
OK, so the man is somehow anchored to the chair, was not choked, was not inhaling smoke, but died due to lack of oxygen. Correct?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:59 AM
Kitty!
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:59 AM
Is the chair the ejector seat of a plane?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:59 AM
Is the cabin wired for electricity?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:59 AM
Is the cabin government property?
Was the man a criminal?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:00 AM
So he could get enough oxygen into his lungs, but not into his bloodstream?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:00 AM
73: He may have in some sense died due to lack of oxygen, but not in a way that's intuitively obvious to me.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:01 AM
Or maybe I don't got it...
Is this cabin of the sort that one would ordinarily go camping in?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:01 AM
75: No.
76: Yes.
77: No and no.
78: Maybe. I'm no doctor. The oxygen thing is kind of a red herring; you brought it up, not me.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:03 AM
Was the chair anchored to anything?
Was the man anchored to the chair using rope? Chain? Adhesive? Other?
Was the man grasping the chair before his death?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:03 AM
80: No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:03 AM
Was the chair anchored to anything?
Yes.
Was the man anchored to the chair using rope?>
No.
Chain?
No.
Adhesive?
No.
Other?
No.
Was the man grasping the chair before his death?
No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:05 AM
82?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:05 AM
Is it a cabin on a ship?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:05 AM
Uh, I mean:
Other?
Yes.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:06 AM
Ahh.
Is the man somehow anchored to the chair?
You answered yes to this when I asked in 61 b.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:06 AM
86: No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:06 AM
Two-minute mysteries are all so violent. Why do we never see ones that pose the question, "Where did she get that ice cream cone?" or "Exactly how comfortable is the couch?"
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:07 AM
The ship would have to be on the mountain.
87: Ahh.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:07 AM
Can I possibly be the first to point out the obvious fact that his scrotum exploded?
Posted by gonerill | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:07 AM
Upon reflection, I'm pretty sure he didn't asphyxiate in any sense.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:07 AM
Was the chair recently elsewhere?
Was the cabin recently elsewhere?
Did the man know, the day before he died, that he would die?
Did anyone else know, the day before he died, that he would die?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:08 AM
The ship would have to be on the mountain.
Underwater mountains! But there goes my theory.
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:08 AM
92: No. See 24.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:08 AM
I guess you don't think these TMM are so stupid after all, ogged.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:09 AM
Was the man wedged onto the chair? Was the chair wedged between anything?
Was the man crushed?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:09 AM
Is he anchored to the chair by a seat belt?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:09 AM
92: No.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:09 AM
The man doesn't have any visible injuries.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:10 AM
Was the chair recently elsewhere?
Yes.
Was the cabin recently elsewhere?
Yes.
Did the man know, the day before he died, that he would die?
No.
Did anyone else know, the day before he died, that he would die?
No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:10 AM
Is it possible to die from being crushed without any visible injuries?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:10 AM
teo-pwned.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:11 AM
98: No to all.
99: Yes.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:11 AM
Was the cabin lifted up and put onto the mountain by a tornado or other weather phenomenon?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:11 AM
Perhaps he meant emotionally crushed. (assuming 101 is to 98?)
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:12 AM
106: Yes.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:12 AM
Is it the cabin of an aircraft then? Is he a pilot?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:12 AM
Is the cabin the cabin of a car?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:12 AM
I guess you don't think these TMM are so stupid after all, ogged.
I wrote and deleted the part where I reserved the right to keep thinking these are stupid. You try fighting boredom for two months while people decide which parts of you to take out, missy.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:13 AM
109a: Yes.
b: No.
110: No.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:13 AM
I wrote and deleted the part where I reserved the right to keep thinking these are stupid.
I bet you'd like them better if they were about ice cream.
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:14 AM
people decide which parts of you to take out
In my experience, it's always the same part I've just put in.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:14 AM
As long as you've relinquished your right to think they're stupid.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:15 AM
Were there other people in the plane before it crashed? After?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:15 AM
Did the plane crash?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:16 AM
116: Yes and yes.
117: Yes.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:17 AM
hey, and so it begins. "You can't call me on my inconsistency, because I have cancer."
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:18 AM
Did all the others survive? Did any others survive?
Are the other people/bodies still in the plane?
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:18 AM
120: Does it matter? You've basically got it.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:20 AM
was the cause of the man's death the crash? or something else?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:20 AM
Aww. I thought there would be more. Usually TMM aren't based on simple wordplay.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:20 AM
110: Wait, do cars have cabins? This would come as a revelation to me.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:21 AM
And the fact that there are no visible injuries is odd for a crash-caused death.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:21 AM
How did he die in a plane crash with no visible injuries? Wouldn't smashing into the side of a mountain produce some?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:21 AM
I think the interior of a car (especially a van or SUV) is often called the cabin.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:22 AM
I'll have you know initials TMM are already reserved for The Modesto Mistress.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:22 AM
122: It was the crash.
123: Yeah, it's not actually that great of one. But I knew it and we hadn't done it yet.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:22 AM
sphinx personal sphinx 123 no takebacks!
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:22 AM
126: He had a heart attack.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:22 AM
You can speak of cabins in cars.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:23 AM
130 to 125-6.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:23 AM
He died of internal injuries.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:23 AM
But wouldn't the crash produce some external injuries?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:24 AM
134: Wouldn't he have to sustain some visible external injuries on the way to picking up fatal internal injuries?
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:26 AM
Well, I bet a cracked rib could puncture your heart and lead to massive internal bleeding and death within minutes. Also, massive bruising. So if bruising is an external injury...
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:27 AM
HEART ATTACK!
Plus, bruising doesn't happen instantaneously.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:29 AM
Hmm. There's a bunch of mysteries here, but I don't know that any would fit the yes/no questions format.
Really, the yes/no/maybe/that question assumes a falsehood/that question is irrelevant format.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:35 AM
I don't see why dying in a crash needs to involve external injuries. We're talking about a big plane here.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 11:57 AM
But what do you die of? What kills you in a plane crash is that you get thrown around and break stuff, or burn to death. A hard landing that isn't hard enough to leave marks on you probably won't killy you. (Oh, I suppose the seat belt could rupture your spleen, and you could bleed to death internally, but it's pretty low odds that you'd be visibly uninjured.)
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:00 PM
HEART ATTACK.
These little games always frustrate me because there's usually a better solution than the official one.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:01 PM
I was counting bruises as internal injuries. Aren't they? B's answer also works.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:06 PM
So b, how do you think the guy died?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:33 PM
Toxic fumes from the volcano, of course!
(you say mountain; I say volcano -- let's call the whole thing off!)
Posted by Doodle Bean | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:47 PM
They may be internal, but they're not invisible.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 2:25 PM
I was counting bruises as internal injuries. Aren't they? B's answer also work
Um, hello? Bruises might be internal, but they're sure visible. (Even a fractured rib is visible if you open the dude up.)
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:52 PM
Okay, fine. He died of a heart attack. B wins.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 4:01 PM
And on his fall down the mountain, he didn't sustain any visible injuries? The question wasn't whether or not he died from them.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 4:04 PM
Fall down the mountain? He never leaves the chair.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 4:07 PM
141: Or you could die of lack of oxygen or hypothermia if the plane depressurizes or starts falling apart when it is high in the air.
Posted by Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 4:15 PM
I considered that, but it's inconsistent with some of my previous answers.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 4:28 PM
Carbon monoxide would work, if his cabin were too well-sealed against the cold and the chimney were clogged.
My folks used to tell a scary story about my grandmother's uncle, who got unexpectedly snowed in during a late-season prospecting trip. He survived the winter by supplementing his canned food with spruce-needle tea, but on the first thaw, every cabin he encountered on his way to town had only dead men--dead, of scurvy! (Whether they were sitting in chairs or lying in bed was not reported.) And, to the day he died, great-great-uncle P. never touched another drop of tea...
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 5:28 PM
Whoo! I win!
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:32 PM