Re: "Break" Isn't Quite the Word You're Looking For, Stephen

1

You should carry that issue with you at all times, in case you ever run into Steven again. You could get him to autograph it!!!!

horizontal rule
2

suddenly I find out he makes Conan the Barbarian look like Conan the wimp

What does he mean, "suddenly I find out"?

horizontal rule
3

"I'd always imagined Jesus was the sweet, cuddly, loving dude, and suddenly I find out he makes Conan the Barbarian look like Conan the wimp"

I always thought of Ganesh as this like elephant-headed divinity of good fortune and the overcoming of obstacles, but it turns out he's such an awesome detective he makes Batman look like Inspector Clouseau.

horizontal rule
4

This view of Jesus is exactly the same one as in the bloodthirsty last "Left Behind" book, "Glorious Appearing".

Note that Baldwin doesn't describe Jesus entering the Godly threesomes. Jesus is a sexless killing machine. The only way he could bang human chicks is with a kryptonite condom. But that'd kill him.

Q: Jesus, what is best in life?
A: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.

horizontal rule
5

What does he mean, "suddenly I find out"?

It's called a revelation. A.K.A a psychiatric break.

horizontal rule
6

"break" s/b "cock to the face"

horizontal rule
7

Aw, he's just taking lines from an old Robin Williams routine: When Jesus comes back, he ain't gonna be no carpenter, oh no. He's gonna be a sheet metal worker, and he's gonna be god-damn-pissed-off!

horizontal rule
8

So the sentence should be "And if you try to stop me, I am going to cock to the face your face"?

horizontal rule
9

6 & 8 - Actually, I was going for this.

horizontal rule
10

"Actor Stephen Baldwin is the born-again, George Bush-loving Baldwin brother, but who knew he's also a fan of threesomes in the bedroom?"

Maybe this was a clue?

horizontal rule
11

(That reference is a lot harder to find if you're trying to avoid having "rape your face" in your search history.)

horizontal rule
12

If it weren't pathetic and disheartening, it would be funny that someone could so misinterpret a teaching whose function may well have been to warn Jesus' followers of the persecution they would face in their efforts to help people and bring them to God as an exhortation to physically assault anyone who gets in the way of proselytizing.

horizontal rule
13

Your own.. personal... Jesus
Someone who fights with chair
Someone who swears

Reach out, and rape face...

horizontal rule
14

Cala, you're my personal hero.

horizontal rule
15

Is she the wind beneath your wings, FL?

horizontal rule
16

How many annoying songs will you stick in my head, o commentariat?

horizontal rule
17

Three shall be the number of the songs, and the number of the songs shall be three. Five is right out!

the power of voodoo who do you do do what?

horizontal rule
18

If you want to dish it out, Labs, you're going to have to learn to take it.

horizontal rule
19

And if you're not careful, we'll start talking about Monty Python, the Grateful Dead, and The Princess Bride.

horizontal rule
20

Well everybody poops, sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody poops, somtimes
So hold on…

horizontal rule
21

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be
Oh, and I could fly higher than an eagle
Fuck you, clown beneath my wings

horizontal rule
22

No, there will be no more "Fuck you, clown". The world's giantest ball of chewing gum has taken its place in the firmament, to shine but never again to grow.

horizontal rule
23

Fine, change it to "Everybody poops beneath my wings"

horizontal rule
24

Splendid.

horizontal rule
25

6 was to 5, though I see now it's ambiguous. I was leading the comments thread on!!

horizontal rule
26

Stephen Baldwin [climbing into a bedroom window while a couple has sex]: "Who's the boss?!"
He: "Erm, Tony Danza?"
She: "I know! That guy who's married to Liz Jones!"
Stephen [breaking both of their faces] "Jesus fucking Christ, that's who!"

horizontal rule
27

This is too perfect.

horizontal rule
28

Thank you, Becks. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe the world is really this wonderful.

horizontal rule
29

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe the world is really this wonderful.

Should you ever find your belief in the goodness of God's creation waning again, perhaps you'll be lucky enough to have Stephen Baldwin personally come round and smash your fucking face in until your faith is restored.

horizontal rule
30

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my face is going to be broken.

horizontal rule