I am not quite getting the thing about the dildo "getting stuck". Was it still there when he "arrived at work that day... and offered [the rape] story"? Or what did its stuckness have to do with inspiring the story?
Man, if I were picking ethnic groups to embarassingly slander, I would not head for Samoans. The potential for awkward conversations with the Samoan Anti-Defamation League (a tense, edgy, and violent, albeit entirely imaginary, organisation, seems much too great.)
6-My reading of the story was that it was still stuck and he made up the story to explain why he had a dildo stuck in his ass and to justify the emergency room visit. Otherwise it makes no sense.
He must have ignored all the advice about a flared base.
An ER resident I know treated a patient with a similar, um, condition. If you just play it straight and go to the ER, the doctors will be respectful and professional to your face, not ask too many questions, duck into the next room and laugh hysterically, and tell a few of their friends but not reveal your identity and certainly not post your picture on the internet.
Of course, getting to the ER could be awkward, but if he could get to work...
I bet the doctors won't even laugh too hysterically, since they've probably removed far weirder objects from peoples' asses. At least it wasn't a beer bottle.
Can it really be said to be a tale of "... a rope and two Samoans"? Is it not a tale of "...and a tale of a rope and two Samoans"? Or it could be said that the tale of "... a rope and two Samoans" is the one told by the poor guy, since real people can appear in fictional tales; but then that tale wouldn't be cautionary.
Samoans figure in Tom Wolfe's "Mau-mauing the Flakcatchers" as the completely unexpected scary new minority. the ones I've met were all very pleasant, tending to hugeness with one exception, but reputedly violent in certain circumstances.
How mortally embarrassing. I wish the court would just let the poor guy get off with a weekend of community service or something, just to show a little pity.
Back in my day lemme tell you, the cookie was called Thin Mint cause it was thin and by god, it tasted minty! Nowadays you've got a cookie called Tagalog or Samoa and no fuckin idea what it looks or tastes like. Rowrbazzle.
Oh, Lordy. The only way I can imagine this being more embarrassing is if the guy had recruited a friend to play the part of the dildo.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 12:09 AM
Lordy indeed. To have your picture in the paper next to this article, and then it begins flying around the internet...
And to think the chubby Star Wars kid thought he'd been humiliated.
Posted by gswift | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 12:18 AM
"Two large, dark men, possibly Samoan" is inspired, on Castro's part. Beats the hell out of "some Puerto Rican guy."
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 12:42 AM
"I never thought it would happen to me, but once while I was cleaining the bathroom, two large, dark men, possibly Samoan..."
Posted by gswift | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 12:54 AM
I think we can say he really has fucked himself with this jape.
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 3:04 AM
I am not quite getting the thing about the dildo "getting stuck". Was it still there when he "arrived at work that day... and offered [the rape] story"? Or what did its stuckness have to do with inspiring the story?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 4:33 AM
Man, if I were picking ethnic groups to embarassingly slander, I would not head for Samoans. The potential for awkward conversations with the Samoan Anti-Defamation League (a tense, edgy, and violent, albeit entirely imaginary, organisation, seems much too great.)
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 6:49 AM
6-My reading of the story was that it was still stuck and he made up the story to explain why he had a dildo stuck in his ass and to justify the emergency room visit. Otherwise it makes no sense.
He must have ignored all the advice about a flared base.
Posted by Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 6:58 AM
An ER resident I know treated a patient with a similar, um, condition. If you just play it straight and go to the ER, the doctors will be respectful and professional to your face, not ask too many questions, duck into the next room and laugh hysterically, and tell a few of their friends but not reveal your identity and certainly not post your picture on the internet.
Of course, getting to the ER could be awkward, but if he could get to work...
Posted by Katherine | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 7:36 AM
Why Do All These Samoans Keep Dildoing My Anus?
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 8:31 AM
I bet the doctors won't even laugh too hysterically, since they've probably removed far weirder objects from peoples' asses. At least it wasn't a beer bottle.
I guess the answer to this is: two samoans.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 8:47 AM
Can it really be said to be a tale of "... a rope and two Samoans"? Is it not a tale of "...and a tale of a rope and two Samoans"? Or it could be said that the tale of "... a rope and two Samoans" is the one told by the poor guy, since real people can appear in fictional tales; but then that tale wouldn't be cautionary.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 8:50 AM
Matt, that's pretty hott.
Posted by standpipe b | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 8:59 AM
I hate when that happens.
Posted by Brian | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 9:13 AM
Samoans figure in Tom Wolfe's "Mau-mauing the Flakcatchers" as the completely unexpected scary new minority. the ones I've met were all very pleasant, tending to hugeness with one exception, but reputedly violent in certain circumstances.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 9:44 AM
How mortally embarrassing. I wish the court would just let the poor guy get off with a weekend of community service or something, just to show a little pity.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 10:06 AM
From the sadder-but-wiser department: comment 12 does not have a flared base.
Posted by standpipe b | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 10:23 AM
He claims to have been attacked by two of these?? Kinky...
Posted by DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 1:19 PM
There's no rhyme or reason to the naming of Girl Scout cookies these days.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 1:22 PM
Back in my day lemme tell you, the cookie was called Thin Mint cause it was thin and by god, it tasted minty! Nowadays you've got a cookie called Tagalog or Samoa and no fuckin idea what it looks or tastes like. Rowrbazzle.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 1:25 PM
It's easy. The tagalongs and samoas--the ones that sound like they come from the Asian south Pacific--are the good ones.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 1:35 PM
Even when crammed in your rectum. (Rectum? I nearly ate 'em!)
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-27-06 4:26 PM