I remember some guy I saw fairly often, must have been on one of the L line stops between Union Square and Bedford, who had an amplified pan-flute set up. When he got to the end of playing each verse, he would whisper breathily into his microphone, "Sileeeennccee". It was kind of trippy.
Well, I really only put in comment #2 because I always feel bad when LB's threads don't get any comments. I figured introducing the subject of ASSessment might bring in some of the hoi polloi.
LB- I was going to post this back in the other thread, but since your posts are in obvious need of comments I'll just say here -- Chicago you emailed me to let me know that she was indeed fucking with me, that she saw the comments on here and was afraid that someone was going to freak out, and that she couldn't believe I fell for it even in part as she thought it was an obviously transparent ruse.
(I'll defend myself and say that I didn't really fall for it, I just thought it made for a story worth sharing.)
Of course, this could all be you trying to fool me somehow, and maybe you really are from Chicago? My mind warps at the possibility.
Now the only mystery is whether Chicago you is a lurker or a commenter. She claims lurker. But she's a proven liar...
24 -- I find that sort of bizarrely amusing. I like panflutes, dig listening to them even when they are used to perform instrumental Simon and Garfunkel covers -- but that flowchart just makes me laugh.
Like eg there was a 25 posted by LB about the collagen lips, that has gone by the wayside. Or it might even have been a 26, and there was another comment before it by JM that is not there any longer.
Clowny, I think we should stop talking about this. If we keep pointing out these sorts of injustices some unfogged mercenaries are likely to track us down and eliminate us.
A bunch of pan-flute wielding South Americans managed to single-handedly force the city hall to ban amplified street music in Helsinki. The shopkeepers were going mental by the constant onslaught.
41: There is even less competition for that honor than for the "Best Class Attendence Among Gopher Running Backs" title, a designation that has remained vacant for the last 6 years.
In the Laudians' zeal to make worship and church interiors more holy they offended against long-standing silent understandings of religious behavior. They even tried to stop people bringing their dogs to church. The English were already a nation of dog enthusiasts if not dog lovers, and they tolerated dogs in church on the same basis as children, as long as both groups behaved themselves. There was much fury among churchgoers at the cat-loving archbishop's intolerance.
I love Maine Coon Cats*. Of course, I love cats in general. And dogs. And rabbits and spiders and baby hippos. Okay, pretty much the whole animal kingdom is great in my book.
Of course, the plant kingdom is not to be slighted, and where would we be without fungi? Without beer and wine and cheese and bread and all those other things that make life so pleasurable, that's where. No thanks.
I guess I'm slightly less enthusiastic about the eubacteria, archaebacteria, and protista kingdoms, but that's more due to lack of familiarity than anything, and I certainly feel guilty about not giving them their fair due. I'm confident they have their importance and beauty, I just haven't gotten around to discovering it much yet.
And did I mention how much I like Beck's style?
*Not in the same way that I love raccoons, of course. That would just be gross.
Song that translates well to a guitar and a flute: The Girl from Ipanema
Song that translates passably: Take 5
Song that translates poorly: Mack the Knife
I remember some guy I saw fairly often, must have been on one of the L line stops between Union Square and Bedford, who had an amplified pan-flute set up. When he got to the end of playing each verse, he would whisper breathily into his microphone, "Sileeeennccee". It was kind of trippy.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:33 AM
I don't recall whether or not he had a nice ass.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:34 AM
Comment #2 leads me to believe that M/tch is just making up #1.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:36 AM
A perfect New York story.
Posted by Idealist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:39 AM
Well, I really only put in comment #2 because I always feel bad when LB's threads don't get any comments. I figured introducing the subject of ASSessment might bring in some of the hoi polloi.
And it worked!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:39 AM
Yeah, LB, send it in to the Times! It will surely establish you with more than enough writing credentials to then be offered a Modern Love column!!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:41 AM
I always feel bad when LB's threads don't get any comments.
So you're the one stymieing my fiendish plot to shut the comments section down. Damn you, M%tch M)lls!!
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:42 AM
7: Wait a second, you don't want comments? How could I have been so misguided?
Or is this one of those "'no' means 'yes'" things you female persons are always trying to pull?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:45 AM
You'll never know. We're inscrutable.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:47 AM
Wait. I thought that was asians?
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:49 AM
"Orientals" is the preferred usage.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:50 AM
"People of inscrutability".
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:51 AM
Damn. Not women? On the other hand, I suppose that means I don't have to keep trying to eat with chopsticks.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:51 AM
that is excellent.
this also cracked me up.
Posted by joe o | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:52 AM
I think the attribute you're looking for is "mysterious, fascinating", LB.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:53 AM
Or maybe "mystiqualicious".
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:53 AM
it'll be too soon
If only he'd put a little more teeth into his conditional.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:54 AM
17: Actually, he didn't say 'it'll be too soon.' He just trailed off. But it didn't make sense written down that way.
(I, by the way, am not the quoted woman. I was walking a few feet in front of them.)
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:00 AM
LB- I was going to post this back in the other thread, but since your posts are in obvious need of comments I'll just say here -- Chicago you emailed me to let me know that she was indeed fucking with me, that she saw the comments on here and was afraid that someone was going to freak out, and that she couldn't believe I fell for it even in part as she thought it was an obviously transparent ruse.
(I'll defend myself and say that I didn't really fall for it, I just thought it made for a story worth sharing.)
Of course, this could all be you trying to fool me somehow, and maybe you really are from Chicago? My mind warps at the possibility.
Now the only mystery is whether Chicago you is a lurker or a commenter. She claims lurker. But she's a proven liar...
Posted by Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:05 AM
I didn't really fall for it, I just thought it made for a story worth sharing.
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that...
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:08 AM
You'd have twelve dollars?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:13 AM
Why was my other comment deleted? I don't think it contained an indiscretion error...
Posted by Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:14 AM
I've lived in Chicago. For two years, even. But I'm not from there.
I think you should spill all of Chicago-me's inside dope about my private life or whatever else she told you. Anything juicy?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:14 AM
Those guys don't need panflutes.
Posted by TJ | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:16 AM
24 -- I find that sort of bizarrely amusing. I like panflutes, dig listening to them even when they are used to perform instrumental Simon and Garfunkel covers -- but that flowchart just makes me laugh.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:20 AM
22: Dunno. What was it? And who deleted it?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:20 AM
A lot of comments seem to be getting deleted recently. What's going on, Becks?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:21 AM
Like eg there was a 25 posted by LB about the collagen lips, that has gone by the wayside. Or it might even have been a 26, and there was another comment before it by JM that is not there any longer.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:23 AM
And your wrong-thread posting in re: lips has now been moved! Are we going to start burning books next?
Posted by Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:24 AM
Oh wait I am mixing up threads. But I still maintain there were some posts on this thread that are not visible any longer.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:25 AM
Clowny, I think we should stop talking about this. If we keep pointing out these sorts of injustices some unfogged mercenaries are likely to track us down and eliminate us.
Posted by Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:27 AM
28, 29: That was me -- I got it in the wrong thread and moved it. But I haven't deleted anyone else's comments, honest!
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:29 AM
I haven't deleted anything.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:53 AM
Reckon the Chicago LB has got the keys to the database.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:55 AM
Fucking panpipes.
Posted by asilon | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:59 AM
35: I hope you're talking about some kind of wide-gauge bass panpipes or something.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 12:13 PM
A bunch of pan-flute wielding South Americans managed to single-handedly force the city hall to ban amplified street music in Helsinki. The shopkeepers were going mental by the constant onslaught.
Posted by ksii | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 12:29 PM
LB, there's a typo in this post.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 12:38 PM
I think it's fairly obvious that the only song street musicians should be allowed to play is "Born In The USA."
(This comment doubles as my "break out of lurking" comment. Hi everyone.)
Posted by Sharkey | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 12:43 PM
Hi!
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 12:48 PM
Also:
We are the crew of The Proofread, the University of Minnesota's premier podcast.
Is there a lot of competition in that category?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 12:48 PM
38: Well spotted, apo.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 1:57 PM
That's right -- we spell '42nd' with an 'n', commie.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 2:10 PM
Lawyer. And that's not the typo I spotted -- that one I meant that way.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 2:18 PM
Lawyer.
I was trying to be nice. (And I did spot the other one.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 2:25 PM
39: All right--pretty soon we're going to have a TC crew worthy of a meetup!
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 2:45 PM
LB, it's Garfunkel.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 3:29 PM
Oh. I also misspelled familiar.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 3:30 PM
41: There is even less competition for that honor than for the "Best Class Attendence Among Gopher Running Backs" title, a designation that has remained vacant for the last 6 years.
Posted by Sharkey | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:01 PM
48 was the one I caught. Who cares about Garfunkell?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:03 PM
Hey, Garfunkel is the no. 1 celebrity resemblance I actually get IRL. (Which is a sure sign I need a haircut.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:18 PM
A kitten.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:32 PM
I think that kitten has work to do in the other thread, Art.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:36 PM
I think the idea is to lead people out of the wilderness, not to cuten up the wilderness.
Posted by standpipe b | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:39 PM
And a little kitten shall lead them.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:41 PM
Hey, did you hear about the thread that was more or less devoid of acrimony?
Posted by standpipe b | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:43 PM
No, what happened to it?
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:46 PM
Oh yeah? Fuck you!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:46 PM
Spontaneous kittenage on 58.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:47 PM
Not a kitten. (Wait, Chun?)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:50 PM
That's not even a herring.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:52 PM
A return to the kitten theme. (The kitten showed me the error of my ways on 58, and I am studiously ignoring 61.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:53 PM
Three kittens. (Historical note.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:55 PM
I am studiously ignoring 61
What, you never heard of a cute herring?
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 4:56 PM
La la la.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:01 PM
Mila and Peshky are cute. Pandora, though, is a classic beauty.
Posted by standpipe b | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:04 PM
linky
Posted by permabot | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:07 PM
Pandora, though, is a classic beauty
Well, she was till she got fat.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:08 PM
I'm quite partial to the ones in 63.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:09 PM
What are they looking at? A spider? An escaped budgie, roosting on the curtain rod? A bat?
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:11 PM
Well, she was till she got fat.
But admit it, you wouldn't kick her out of bed.
Posted by standpipe b | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:12 PM
The caption on the ridiculously aggrandizing original page is "Where did that fly go?"
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:13 PM
My new kitten-linking technique is unstoppable!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:14 PM
Weiner, you still have issues. Try this.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:15 PM
hooray!
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:17 PM
text!
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:19 PM
all kittens are beautiful in their own special ways.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:20 PM
For me 73 works and 74 don't. (Cut-and-paste of 74 does.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:20 PM
Stupid cute kitten site, so full of its own kitteny cuteness it won't allow deep-linking.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:22 PM
This should work for everyone. (text!)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:22 PM
I can't believe there's a "rank my kitten's cuteness!" site. It would have to be a mangy, sickly, pustulerific kitten not to be "cute!"
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:27 PM
Let's give them all 10s!
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:28 PM
Hey, speaking of kittens, I'm thinking of changing my nickname again, and I thought an anagram might be fun. Which do you all prefer:
A Myth? Whatever.
OR
Why Have Matter?
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:29 PM
I'm voting for whatever retains as close a similarity to your current handle as possible.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:33 PM
I vote for this.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:36 PM
NOOOOO! mrh, I like your handle.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:37 PM
Well, damn, that's a strong endorsement. Becks wins!
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:39 PM
Woo hoo!
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:41 PM
Yay Becks! Kittens for everyone!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:43 PM
Funny story guys: the other day I saw a kitten, and I kicked it. Woot!
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:44 PM
This kind of thing makes me feel bad for cats. Are they not cute, too?
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:52 PM
But then cuteness is not really a fair standard at all.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:53 PM
81: Not if they're female kittens.
Posted by DaveL | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 5:59 PM
I am very fond of fully grown cats as well. Some cats.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:11 PM
Cats!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:13 PM
Cats!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:16 PM
Cats!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:17 PM
CATS!!!!!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:19 PM
Rats
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:25 PM
100?
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:32 PM
Bats
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:36 PM
Man-Bats
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:39 PM
Prats.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:52 PM
The man-bats are going to need some better art if they're going to claim bat-heritage.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:56 PM
Fats.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:56 PM
(source)
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 6:57 PM
GATS
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 7:01 PM
lats
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 7:04 PM
Meerkats
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 7:45 PM
Az-Bats
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 7:49 PM
Spats
Posted by Katherine | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 7:57 PM
I was going to suggest a slight mispronunciation of "Twats," but my conscience got the better of me.
Posted by Sharkey | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 7:59 PM
Ohhhh, Babar! You'll always be king of my elephants.
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:03 PM
Qats
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:04 PM
Frats
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:07 PM
Matts
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:08 PM
hazmats
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:13 PM
Record store cats.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:18 PM
Eclats
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:22 PM
Prison tats
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:25 PM
Novelty hats
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:40 PM
More hats
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:44 PM
Party Hats
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:44 PM
I regret posting thats
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:45 PM
Dr. Katz
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:46 PM
ducats
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:48 PM
Gnats
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:51 PM
Strats
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:53 PM
Brats
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:54 PM
strads
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:56 PM
Bratz
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 8:56 PM
Shatz
Posted by Sharkey | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:06 PM
Ha. Then I misspell it. Superb.
Posted by Sharkey | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:06 PM
(Gats)
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:07 PM
Stras
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:11 PM
CATTS
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:14 PM
Gatz
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:18 PM
Crass
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:22 PM
AT-ATs
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:25 PM
Goodnats.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:30 PM
So we bat on, bats agats the current, borne bat ceaselessly into the pats.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:43 PM
I don't gat it.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 9:59 PM
141 to 137.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:01 PM
I love Maine Coon Cats*. Of course, I love cats in general. And dogs. And rabbits and spiders and baby hippos. Okay, pretty much the whole animal kingdom is great in my book.
Of course, the plant kingdom is not to be slighted, and where would we be without fungi? Without beer and wine and cheese and bread and all those other things that make life so pleasurable, that's where. No thanks.
I guess I'm slightly less enthusiastic about the eubacteria, archaebacteria, and protista kingdoms, but that's more due to lack of familiarity than anything, and I certainly feel guilty about not giving them their fair due. I'm confident they have their importance and beauty, I just haven't gotten around to discovering it much yet.
And did I mention how much I like Beck's style?
*Not in the same way that I love raccoons, of course. That would just be gross.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 10:08 PM
Oh right, boys. We're valiantly battling sexism, and y'all just go into the other room so you can talk about pussy some more.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:10 PM
Holy shit.
By coincidence, I had just been reading this.
Posted by standpipe b | Link to this comment | 08-29-06 11:29 PM
Song that translates well to a guitar and a flute: The Girl from Ipanema
Song that translates passably: Take 5
Song that translates poorly: Mack the Knife
Thank you, and goodnight.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 08-30-06 3:23 AM