I'm going to pitch a column to some publication in which I will breezily reverse the conventional wisdom, similar to this guy's "The problem with Bush is that he's not warlike enough."
My first theme: "The continued existence of teen pregnancy shows that, far from being at 'epidemic' levels, teenage girls aren't giving nearly enough blowjobs."
It's the comments on that post, from people who long since skidded away from reality on cushions human fat. The man who wanted to liberate the Shi-ite population of the oil-bearing regions of Saudi and Iran! What can one say to such a strategist, except "After you, Claude"?
I also believe starting a comment with "I believe" has a negative impact on the shazam quotient of the comment, and the practice should henceforth be discouraged.
This quote shouldn't be particularly surprising, though, should it? Bush's approval ratings have been in the 30s for a while, which are the numbers of a man who's losing his base. Those disillusioned Bush-basers are not going to be the sort of Brent Scowcroft Republicans who say "I find the Iraq War to have been an ill-advised and catastrophic misapplication of American power." They're going to be the armchair Colonel Kurtzes who say we're only losing because we aren't committing enough atrocities, because we aren't killing enough young male Muslims across the Mideast. And the Will Warriors will be back in 2008, trying to christen the GOP nominee the Chosen One who can slaughter the IslamoCommie Horde.
The number to look at is the sixty percent of Americans who now think the war was a mistake to begin with. Whether enough of them think that strongly enough to resist the wiles of a nut like McCain who promises them delicious victory cake is a different question.
If Giuliani gets elected president, I put the odds of us nuking Iran at about 2 to 1. Fortunately, the crazed wingnut base will never accept someone who's pro-choice and pro-gay marriage, as I believe he is.
Perhaps we can call him G-Unit to end the spelling confusion.
But how do we -- by which I mean wingnuts -- how do we know he's made of true warrior grit? Other than his manly posturing, which they all do in roughly equal measure? What are his warrior bona fides? I'm actually a little surprised to see the wingnuts taking him seriously as the barbarian overlord of their dreams.
Seriously, he looked all brave and manly after 9-11. Remember 'America's Mayor'? They associate him with toughness and resolve in the GWONastiness from that. I don't think there's anything more to it.
He had surgery for prostate cancer, you know. Now I'm not saying that means he's a eunuch now, because that would be uncivil, but I'm just saying some people are saying that it's something worth thinking about, you know?
Until 9/11 happened, and except for the fact that he was a rational crime-fighter such as NYC had never had before, Giuliani was a complete asshole re any ethnicity except WASPS. He even hammered his fellow-Italians.
There's no way he could win the GOP primary. The guy lived with two gay guys after he split with one of his wives. He's just too much of a complicated three-dimensional New Yorker to make it -- kind of like a Republican Kerry without the bizarre wife.
Giuliana is also a real person, and real persons cannot win a GOP primary -- you have to be some ideological paradigm, a Newt or a Bush firebrand-yet-folksy template. It is amazing to me that McCain is the current favorite. It means the GOP have run out of a ready supply of right-wing crazies like Bush and Cheney.
This might be the moment for the moderate country-club Rockefeller Republicans to assert their traditional dominance over the pro-life Terri Schiavo crazies whom they have encouraged to their total surprise, now that the lunatics have taken over their asylum.
The "slippery with human fat" line is the kind of detail that, one hopes, nobody could imagine beforehand, so that I unfortunately can't dismiss it as anti-Mongol propaganda.
Being Chinese is nothing to be ashamed of, Ugh. Also, my profoundest sympathies for the atrocities carried out against your people by those stinking Mongol hordes.
My daughter and her friends were playing barbarian overlord today. The overlord was having a bacchanal, and my daughter’s friend was pleased to be chosen as his concubine.
No wait they were playing princesses and the king was having a ball and my daughter’s friend was the prince’s date to the ball.
You know, strangely, my daughter's pretend life has been becoming weirdly violent lately. Other three-year-olds have imaginary friends, but Caroline and her cohort have an imaginary enemy. His name is Jack. One day, when I was charged with watching the little crew as the played in the backyard, Caroline's friend A. announced that she was going to "shoot Jack with a gun" because he had "stolled our stuff and then fibbed." I said, "A., I don't even want you pretending to play with guns." A. responded by whispering in Caroline's ear that she was going to feed Jack ice cream with poison sprinkles.
At least they had a good reason to shoot that Jack, though?
In my nieces and nephews, I've noticed that they all hit an age where they need to identify reasons that other people deserve punishment; for them, it's usually siblings.
OT: Has anyone, anywhere provided a reason, rational or not, why books and printed materials were prohibited on flights originating from the UK? If so, I've missed it.
I'm going to pitch a column to some publication in which I will breezily reverse the conventional wisdom, similar to this guy's "The problem with Bush is that he's not warlike enough."
My first theme: "The continued existence of teen pregnancy shows that, far from being at 'epidemic' levels, teenage girls aren't giving nearly enough blowjobs."
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 10:41 AM
"slippery with human fat."
Just like the floor of the "Mongol Room" at the Mineshaft.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 10:42 AM
I think that Bush is a warrior. Every time I see him I shout something like "Warrior!".
Actually thinking about it, it's more like "Warrior think yer fucken playing at, dressing up like a poof in a flight suit?!
Posted by dsquared | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 10:44 AM
Good lord, ogged, are you trying to give me nightmares?
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 10:53 AM
Just imagine how slippery the streets in the US would be in the event of a major Mongol offensive, with the obesity epidemic and all.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 11:02 AM
We could sled everywhere and finally win our independence from foreign oil. It's also probably good for wrinkles.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 11:10 AM
We could sled everywhere and finally win our independence from foreign oil.
I believe they're now working on an environmentally-friendly petroleum substitute, similar to ethanol, called Oilent Green. It sounds very promising.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 11:14 AM
It's the comments on that post, from people who long since skidded away from reality on cushions human fat. The man who wanted to liberate the Shi-ite population of the oil-bearing regions of Saudi and Iran! What can one say to such a strategist, except "After you, Claude"?
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 11:29 AM
What can one say to such a strategist, except "After you, Claude"?
I believe "Fuck you, clown!" is also an appropriate response.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 11:32 AM
I also believe starting a comment with "I believe" has a negative impact on the shazam quotient of the comment, and the practice should henceforth be discouraged.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 11:37 AM
This quote shouldn't be particularly surprising, though, should it? Bush's approval ratings have been in the 30s for a while, which are the numbers of a man who's losing his base. Those disillusioned Bush-basers are not going to be the sort of Brent Scowcroft Republicans who say "I find the Iraq War to have been an ill-advised and catastrophic misapplication of American power." They're going to be the armchair Colonel Kurtzes who say we're only losing because we aren't committing enough atrocities, because we aren't killing enough young male Muslims across the Mideast. And the Will Warriors will be back in 2008, trying to christen the GOP nominee the Chosen One who can slaughter the IslamoCommie Horde.
The number to look at is the sixty percent of Americans who now think the war was a mistake to begin with. Whether enough of them think that strongly enough to resist the wiles of a nut like McCain who promises them delicious victory cake is a different question.
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:00 PM
I don't know, sj. This victory cake sounds pretty good.
Posted by Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:04 PM
Oh man! That does sound pretty good. I want to start a war just so I can have occasion to bake it!
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:07 PM
Don't forget the pie! Sweet, delicious, victory pie, preferably with entrails.
somebody with a warrior's temperament and a leader's skills. George Bush has neither
Well, hard to argue with that statement, George Bush has a four year old's temperament and silver spoon skillz.
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:10 PM
America's last great war leader was a man from New York. Hmm. Is anybody like that running for President in 2008?
Is he talking about Guiliani, and if so why exactly?
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:13 PM
Giuliani, that is.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:14 PM
Because Guiliani is a strong, tough, manly man who won't stop killing until he feels the veins starting to clog up in his teeth.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:18 PM
16 -- I am a fan of the spelling, "Guiliani".
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:22 PM
If Giuliani gets elected president, I put the odds of us nuking Iran at about 2 to 1. Fortunately, the crazed wingnut base will never accept someone who's pro-choice and pro-gay marriage, as I believe he is.
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:23 PM
PIRATE4HIRE
YOHOHORUM.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:25 PM
There's a picture of him in drag. As far as the Republican primary, he's done. Maybe he'll run as an Independent Republican.
Posted by SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:32 PM
YOHOHORUM is a good rhyme for Jellylorum.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:34 PM
Perhaps we can call him G-Unit to end the spelling confusion.
But how do we -- by which I mean wingnuts -- how do we know he's made of true warrior grit? Other than his manly posturing, which they all do in roughly equal measure? What are his warrior bona fides? I'm actually a little surprised to see the wingnuts taking him seriously as the barbarian overlord of their dreams.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:38 PM
He's good with the manly posturing. Really genuinely unpleasant.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:40 PM
He made the trains run on time.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:42 PM
He's from New York. That was the only basis for comparison in the exquisitely reasoned work at issue.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:42 PM
And subjugated the population of Crown Heights.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:42 PM
And subjugated the population of Crown Heights.
Now you mention it, we feasted pretty well that day, and there were many wenches.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:43 PM
Seriously, he looked all brave and manly after 9-11. Remember 'America's Mayor'? They associate him with toughness and resolve in the GWONastiness from that. I don't think there's anything more to it.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:44 PM
Look, comparisons of Giuliani to Hitler are totally not over the top.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:45 PM
Seriously, he looked all brave and manly after 9-11. . . I don't think there's anything more to it.
But that's so pathetic.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:48 PM
how do we know he's made of true warrior grit?
There's only one way to know for sure.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:53 PM
I think a lot of people see Cheney's "one percent solution" as the "broken windows" theory on an international scale.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:53 PM
People like Giuliani because he seemed to be successful. He wasn't hurt by the fact that he came after Dinkins. Or Koch.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:58 PM
He's the only one who knows how to keep liberals and blacks under control.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 12:59 PM
I suspect Giuliani would be very, very easy to slime, and it would happen early in the primary season, to boot.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:16 PM
He had surgery for prostate cancer, you know. Now I'm not saying that means he's a eunuch now, because that would be uncivil, but I'm just saying some people are saying that it's something worth thinking about, you know?
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:27 PM
Wait, I thought it was his kidney?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:31 PM
Until 9/11 happened, and except for the fact that he was a rational crime-fighter such as NYC had never had before, Giuliani was a complete asshole re any ethnicity except WASPS. He even hammered his fellow-Italians.
There's no way he could win the GOP primary. The guy lived with two gay guys after he split with one of his wives. He's just too much of a complicated three-dimensional New Yorker to make it -- kind of like a Republican Kerry without the bizarre wife.
Giuliana is also a real person, and real persons cannot win a GOP primary -- you have to be some ideological paradigm, a Newt or a Bush firebrand-yet-folksy template. It is amazing to me that McCain is the current favorite. It means the GOP have run out of a ready supply of right-wing crazies like Bush and Cheney.
This might be the moment for the moderate country-club Rockefeller Republicans to assert their traditional dominance over the pro-life Terri Schiavo crazies whom they have encouraged to their total surprise, now that the lunatics have taken over their asylum.
Posted by Adam Ash | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:32 PM
the moderate country-club Rockefeller Republicans
Perhaps you recall the Clinton administration? All the moderate country-club Rockefeller Republicans are Democrats now.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:36 PM
B-but what about Lincoln Chafee?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:37 PM
Wait, I thought it was his kidney?
Wikipedia says prostate. Which is it, Mr. Giuliani? Why the flip-flopping?
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:40 PM
Wikipædia says his prostate
Sorry, I was trying to make a joke where I read you saying "I'm not saying he's a eunuch now" and automatically assume you are talking about -gg-d.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:43 PM
Ogged is Rudy Giuliani!
Posted by SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:44 PM
Thanks to this thread, I've been singing this under my breath all afternoon:
Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang
I am the warrior
Well I aaaaam the warrior
And heaaaaaart to heaaaaaaart you'll wiiiiiiin
If you survive
Chinese Cubemate is probably thrilled she handed in her resignation right about now.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:45 PM
43: Ah. I'm still catching up on a lot of in-jokes, I think.
Wikipædia says
Deftly ligated.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 1:49 PM
Damn you Becks!
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 3:20 PM
Ugh, you're Chinese?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 3:27 PM
Only on Mondays.
I meant "damn you" in the "damn you-for-getting-that-song-in-my-head" sort of way.
Posted by Ugh | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 3:31 PM
The "slippery with human fat" line is the kind of detail that, one hopes, nobody could imagine beforehand, so that I unfortunately can't dismiss it as anti-Mongol propaganda.
Yech.
Posted by Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 3:33 PM
Being Chinese is nothing to be ashamed of, Ugh. Also, my profoundest sympathies for the atrocities carried out against your people by those stinking Mongol hordes.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 3:38 PM
My daughter and her friends were playing barbarian overlord today. The overlord was having a bacchanal, and my daughter’s friend was pleased to be chosen as his concubine.
No wait they were playing princesses and the king was having a ball and my daughter’s friend was the prince’s date to the ball.
Sorry, I get my feudal customs confused.
Posted by rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 4:18 PM
How many people ended up dead? That's usually the easiest way to tell the difference.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 4:37 PM
You know, strangely, my daughter's pretend life has been becoming weirdly violent lately. Other three-year-olds have imaginary friends, but Caroline and her cohort have an imaginary enemy. His name is Jack. One day, when I was charged with watching the little crew as the played in the backyard, Caroline's friend A. announced that she was going to "shoot Jack with a gun" because he had "stolled our stuff and then fibbed." I said, "A., I don't even want you pretending to play with guns." A. responded by whispering in Caroline's ear that she was going to feed Jack ice cream with poison sprinkles.
Posted by rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 5:54 PM
Tell your daughter to stick close to A. That kid's going places.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 6:01 PM
At the very least, tell her not to piss off A.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 6:02 PM
At least they had a good reason to shoot that Jack, though?
In my nieces and nephews, I've noticed that they all hit an age where they need to identify reasons that other people deserve punishment; for them, it's usually siblings.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 6:03 PM
Jack in '08! Anyone who can inspire three-year-olds to murder must surely be bloodthirsty enough for the neocons!
Failing that, you could try nominating A. and Caroline, unless they've learned better manners by then.
Posted by BigHank53 | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 9:55 PM
My god, yes. I'd fundraise in the general vicinity of Johnny Depp any day of the week.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 10:35 PM
I'd campaign for you.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-14-06 11:10 PM
59 to ???
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-15-06 1:30 PM
We seem to have had a breakdown in communication somewhere.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-15-06 1:38 PM
I'd just like to note that I still have that goddamned song in my head.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-15-06 1:40 PM
OT: Has anyone, anywhere provided a reason, rational or not, why books and printed materials were prohibited on flights originating from the UK? If so, I've missed it.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-15-06 1:58 PM
I took 59 to mean that Rob Helpy-Chalk is the pseudonym of Johnny Depp, and Jackmormon was committing a Wolfson Indiscretion Error.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-15-06 2:02 PM