Re: Thank You, Vanguard, For Making Me Feel Like A Loser

1

Also, no gays are allowed to invest.

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2

You can, and quite possibly should, use one or more of those as a security question and answer it accurately.

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3

And the answer would be, "I am a loser."

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4

No, the answers are "not applicable," or "nowhere," or, that "that description doesn't match anything that exists." At least, those are the answers I'd give.

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5

"Who was the first person to perform oral sex on you?" would work nicely. Some will still be losers, but they already felt that way.

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6

I don't want all these random financial institutions holding this sort of sensitive information (along with all the other information they already have), given that I don't much trust their data security protocol and the particularly nasty things you can do if in addition to someone's basic personal info you know things like city of birth or mother's maiden name. So I always just make up fake answers to these sort of security questions. But I never write down the fake answers, and then two years later when I'm trying to access the accounts to change somthing I have no idea what my answer is. Gievn me three dozen guesses and I can usually get it, but a lot of times they'll lock you out after 3 or 5 or so. So then I have to call up the company and I have a hell of a time accessing my own accounts.

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7

See, Brock, that's why my # 5 is such a great alternative. Instead of the true, sensitive answer, you just write "Mom." That's *easy* to remember.

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8

At least you are using Vanguard. You could be being ripped off by for-profit actively managed fund firms.

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9

being = getting

I am mixed up in 3 languages.

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10

You don't have to answer the mother's maiden name truthfully. It's not like they check. You could say anything that you'd remember; the type of car you drive, your street address, your sister's first name, etc.

But Becks is right. It's very annoying. Yes, I'm an adult. No, I'm not married. Yes, I have my own place. No, no one is here between 8-5 to wait for the package/plumber/electrician.

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11

This is why everyone should get married in their teens. Then we avoid these sorts of problems.

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12

But create a host of others.

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13

I can't imagine what.

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14

We got two "invitations" at our house for a financial seminar the other day: one addressed to "Mrs. Myfirstname Mylastname" and one to "Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname."

The topic? Women's financial independence.

Yeah.

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15

So they think you're lesbians. What's the problem?

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16

Many years ago, a portion of one of my psych classes was being the guinea pig in a series of psych experiments conducted by grad students. One of them was about behavior in relationships; it took the form of a series of questions with only yes and no as the possible answers, and it very explicitly asked about our behavior in opposite-sex relationships. Given that the grad who designed the experiment was clearly looking to examine relations between genders, I asked the administrator of the exam if I should answer according to my (non-existent) opposite-sex relationship history or adjust my answers to include my exclusively same-sex relationship history. The grad student in question gave me a look of disgust and said, "Just answer the questions the way they're written." I got in a huff about it and sat there answering technically truthfully to question after question like, "Have you ever been the one to initiate making up after a disagreement with a member of the opposite sex," then the same question repeated but having "with whom you were romantically involved" appended to it, or questions like, "Have you ever apologized after hitting or otherwise physically striking a member of the opposite sex with whom you were romantically involved." The whole test was so "have you stopped beating your spouse?" it was sad.

I came out of that looking like the worst asshat boyfriend ever (since I'd never been in an opposite-sex relationship then, no, I never had been the one to initiate the making up after a disagreement), which I guess I would be if I were boyfriend to a girlfriend, but the prejudicial stance of the questions led to a set of answers which were worse than meaningless. I didn't just come off as a set of dud responses, I came off as deliberately misleadingly negative. I was kind of glad for that, at the time. I was also kind of drunk when I took it.

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17

Here they bribe you with Snapple and candy bars if you take their tests, and I'm certain their results are skewed by high blood pressure.

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18

This seems to be the least depressing recent thread, so I'll use it to say happy birthday to Bostoniangirl and happy Michaelmas to everyone.

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19

Re, post: the proper interpretation of not having answers for those questions is W00t! I'm rich enough to invest, but I'm not yet in the 40+, married with kids demographic that most people have to reach before they start thinking about this shit.

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