Re: The Alphabetical Pirate

1

"Captain, what does the first mate say when he reaches orgasm?"

"OOOOOH--AAARR! That be trickery."

horizontal rule
2

"Captain, who's in front of you?"

UUUUUUU

"Captain, have some rum. Now who's in front of you?"

DoubleUUUUUU

horizontal rule
3

I've been struggling with 'W' for years now! Thanks.

horizontal rule
4

Further letters are left as an exercise for the reader.

Why?

horizontal rule
5

Ache? H?

"Captain, I don't underftand "'Ess.'" This is the eighteenth century. What does "'Ess.'" mean?

"Eff."

horizontal rule
6

5.1: Yes.

5.2: Helpless giggling.

horizontal rule
7

FWIW, I have several friends that have been tall ship sailors and they all hate "Talk like a pirate day." They've had too many tourists come up to them saying "Arrrrrrrrrr" to find it amusing.

For myself, I think that anything that's good enough for Evil Stevie is good enough for me.

horizontal rule
8

LB, I wouldn't have guessed that you were into sailboat racing. I apologize for pulling nautical rank by proxy.

horizontal rule
9

Captain, can I trust that you're not just spitting random letters at me?

"Aye."

horizontal rule
10

Captain, what's the first letter of the alphabet?
"A"
Etc.

horizontal rule
11

Captain, how far are we from shore?

Ell.

horizontal rule
12

That's pretty close, actually; they're probably in a bad situation if that's true.

horizontal rule
13

I haven't been since I was a teenager: I used to race Sunfish, badly, and crewed on a J-24, rather better. But I'm incredibly rusty these days.

A couple of years ago we rented a cabin by a lake in New Hampshire that had an old Sunfish that came with it, so I took Sally out sailing. The first day it went fine. The second day, we sank.

(Not all that badly -- we sailed back into shore with the deck only a couple of inches below water. But the boat was submerged. I shoulda checked the hull for holes.)

horizontal rule
14

Queue??

horizontal rule
15

I think L. meant to be a Spanish pirate:

¿Qué?

horizontal rule
16

'Queue' is another word for braided ponytail, L.

'Arrrr, captain, what be that colorful bird thar?'

'Jayyyy'.'

horizontal rule
17

Don't lie to the minor, Cala.

horizontal rule
18

"Pirate! What's another name for Professor's treasure?"

"I think it's 'Aaaaaaa'. 'Aaaaaa'" Wacka wacka.

horizontal rule
19

Hunh. Who knew? I assumed it was a typo for queer. Really, what kind of pirate goes around with a 'braided plait hanging from the back of [his] head'?

horizontal rule
20

19: more sailors that pirates, probably. Supposedly where the little (us. white) kerchief thingies in sailor suits came from.

horizontal rule
21

Dreds seem like an obvious choice. Shaved head, certainly. Maybe even just sort of a longish mop-type affair, in the style of Bob Dylan. But a braid? Practically a pigtail?? No way. Much less the fancy name for it.

This opinion is based on having seen at least five movies involving pirates. Airtight!

horizontal rule
22

But all of those movies got their pirate archetype from the same, earlier movie.

horizontal rule
23

Um, braiding your hair which has grown long after many months at sea without access to such fripperies as a barber shop would be a most effective way of keeping it from blowing around in the wind.

Also, sailors invented knitting.

horizontal rule
24

Shouldn't "G" be really easy, since "Gee" is a word in English?

horizontal rule
25

Pirates don't say "gee."

horizontal rule
26

Save it for Talk Like A Cowboy Day.

horizontal rule
27

without access to such fripperies as a barber shop

Frippery schmippery. How 'bout those knives they're constantly carrying clenched in their teeth as they climb rope ladders?

horizontal rule
28

19: A 19th Century Cantonese one.

horizontal rule
29

Knives are for cutting rope and killing enemies, not for blunting with nonsense like caring about your hair.

horizontal rule
30

and for carving dollies.

horizontal rule
31

a pirate gets lonely.

horizontal rule
32

"Also, sailors invented knitting."

Additionally, vikings invented the button.

horizontal rule
33

"Pirates don't say 'gee.'"

Stop telling the pirates what to say. Have you no respect for language?

horizontal rule
34

I'll start quoting myself and responding if that's what it takes to keep this thread going.

horizontal rule
35

"I'll start quoting myself and responding if that's what it takes to keep this thread going."

loser.

horizontal rule
36

A mind is a terrible thing to taste.

horizontal rule
37

add salt.

horizontal rule
38

Taste not, want not.

horizontal rule
39

Mmm, branes with salt.

horizontal rule
40

Brains in a vat (of brine).

horizontal rule
41

Maybe if we ate each other's brains, we'd understand each other better.

horizontal rule
42

mmm, alzabo

horizontal rule
43

...arrecaim comrad chind-cherchailli eturru.

horizontal rule
44

Interloping antelopes. Fickle fecal treacle trickle.

horizontal rule
45

I wonder if innate physical differences in brain structure account for why women's brains are so much tastier than men's.

horizontal rule
46

43- Those people did have a cult of the severed head.

horizontal rule
47

Avast! There be brainnabals 'pon this isle! To the ship, and put yer backs into it!

horizontal rule
48

brainnabals

Like "lunchables".

horizontal rule
49

"Captain, I hear you're an objectivist, and that's why you decided to make your own fortune at sea, rather than leach off of society. What does A equal?"

"AAAAAAAAA"

horizontal rule
50

How do objectivists feel about cannibalism?

horizontal rule
51

Objectivists don't feel, they reason.

horizontal rule
52

Maybe if we ate each other's brains, we'd understand each other better.

On the upside, if we didn't understand each other, we'd not have to argue any more.

horizontal rule
53

IKt's posisble that we understand each other perfectly.

horizontal rule
54

But maybe we'd, like, take on each other's thoughts and characteristics. And get mono.

horizontal rule
55

I'd love to give mono to the lot of you, but that's not the method I had in mind.

horizontal rule
56

Or kuru.

horizontal rule
57

Does the Fonz count as a pirate?

horizontal rule
58

A butt pirate, maybe.

horizontal rule
59

I was wondering that.

horizontal rule
60

24, 25: "Cap'n, what do you say instead of 'Holy fucking shit!' when there are kids around?"

"Gee."

horizontal rule
61

Brains with Mushroom Sauce [From To Serve Man by Karl Wurf]

Exercise toughten or enlarges almost every part of Man except the brains, so those of a thinker are quite sa tender as those of - well, whatever ethnic or occupational group one cares to insult. They are so tender - the brains, not the ethnic/ovccupational group - that they should be pre-cooked immediately they become available, as follows:

1 set brains (about 2.5 bls)
2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. vinegar

Rinse gently in cold water, place in a saucepan, cover with gently boiling water, add salt and vinegar, and simmer, covered, for 35 minutes.

1 set brains, pre-coooked as above
1 pint sherry
2 cups sliced mushrooms
2 cups cooked tomatoes
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup cooking oil
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp oregano

Cut the pre-cooked brains into 1 inch cubes. Place in bowl, pour in sherry and let stand 90 minutes. Saute mushrooms. Add tomatoes and seasonings, bring to a boil, transfer sherry from bowl to sauce, and bring to a boil again, Serve sauce hot, over the brains. For 6 to 9.

horizontal rule
62

That was "2.5 lbs."

horizontal rule
63

2.5 pounds of brain for up to nine people?

horizontal rule
64

60: Arrr, d'ye ken a roll o' T.P.?

horizontal rule
65

brane cooks down quite a lot.

horizontal rule
66

Add some al dente pasta and it sounds like you could have spaghetti 'n' brainballs.

horizontal rule
67

Always add sauce to pasta, never pasta to sauce.

horizontal rule
68

I thought the rule was always add acid to water.

horizontal rule
69

*slaps forehead*

horizontal rule
70

Cap'n, are you sure you're not too tired to keep answering my questions?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

horizontal rule