I think I might start brushing my hair, but probably not. I do look at myself in the mirror, at least.
You should know, primping ain't easy.
The reason I ask is because I got a haircut and was complaining about wispies that form a halo all over my head, and so the woman up-sold me on some magic oil to smooth through my hair in the morning, which should only take a minute. So then it occurred to me that I really ought to optimize that minute - maybe the wispy halo hairs aren't the most important thing to tame.
I'm thinking about buying some new shirts so I can go to work without grease stains should I need to see anybody else while I'm working.
My suggestions in effect order - getting your eyebrows waxed (which you only have to do occasionally); mascara; blush.
Finding a good mascara is tricky. It takes me a week or two to get the knack of a new tube so it doesn't go on all clumpy.
Blush was my go to a couple years back before my skin decided it was allergic to pretty much everything. But it's quick and easy to apply and makes you look fresh and awake and young. Or like you just came in out of the cold and your cheeks are appealingly rosy. Might not be suitable to Texas.
Also, clear mascara to tame wild eyebrows is pretty great.
4: I used to have to put stuff in my hair to keep it from looking wild but then I realized (from the 'no soap' thread here) that I probably didn't need to wash it with anything but water more than twice a week. Since then, it's been more or less fine.
I've been running up against the looks vs. time spent thing myself recently. I've been letting my hair grow out, for the first time in over a decade. It's still not like I do any intensive styling, but I spend 30 seconds or so after my shower scrunching my wet hair and making it lie in the right direction, as opposed to the 5 or so seconds I would spend with the short cut. I resent the extra time! And on an almost daily basis I have a little debate in my head in which one side says, Come on Blume, this extra grooming time is not a big deal, and the other side says, I can't believe I am fooling with this shit.
It only takes about 15 seconds to apply mascara. Add lipstick and you're up to 20 seconds.
Spray paint eyeshadow, like Priss in "Blade Runner". Ten seconds max.
10: Can you make a more detailed case for lipstick? I don't know why I never wear it (or buy it, I think one of my tubes is that mocha colour that was popular when I was in high school) but it seems like it could be great - lasts longer than gloss, isn't as sticky, colour is more vibrant. How do you pick it out? How often do you have to reapply? Does it get outside you lips? Do you use a pencil? Are there new lipstick technologies?
My historical reason for not wearing make up is that I touch my face constantly and it wears off within three minutes if you cannot keep your hands off your face.
13 is me. Also, I have allergies and I wear contact lenses, the combination of which causes makeup smeariness far too often.
I wear lipstick first on the twice-a-year occasions that I wear makeup, because it seems like the fastest indication that yes, I am wearing makeup like you're supposed to sometimes. If the goal were actually to look more attractive rather than simply as if I were wearing makeup, I'm not sure what the first step would be. Probably keeping my hair tidier somehow.
I am wearing makeup like you're supposed to sometimes
I'm never supposed to wear makeup, but sometimes I feel obligated to wear a jacket. I rarely feel like I'm obligated to worry about if the jacket goes with my pants or shirt. By merely wearing the jacket, I get the points.
I have similar thoughts about wearing real (i.e. leather-soled) shoes, but in that case I don't have trouble figuring out if the shoes should be black or brown.
12: I am just very pale without it, is my case. If you like long-wearing stuff, yes, such things definitely exist and aren't as drying as they used to be. I have bad taste and tend to buy fairly bright reds. (I am not, obviously, the kind of woman seeking to seduce an Ogged, who would spend hours ensuring that her makeup does not in any way look "like makeup.") I like very black very strong mascara (Benefit Bad Gal), for example. It's not meant to be carefully tended and blended into the natural look of the face.
How do I pick it out? I decide in my mind upon a color, and then I go to Sephora and I look at every single lipstick in the store until I see the color I had in mind. Then I buy it. The important thing for me is whether my clothes at the time have a cold bluishness to them or a warm orangeness. I'm into orange right now so my chilly cold-end red is in temporary retirement.
How often do I reapply? I put it on in the morning, smoosh it around a few hours later if it's fading in the middle, and then sometimes I reapply before the late afternoon/evening.
Outside the lips? No, I've got big enough lips, and it would be inappropriate for my job to have swollen-looking things. That said, I have occasionally been known to add a dab of Lip Venom on the weekend.
Pencil? No. I used to. Got lazy. I am good at doing big-deal makeup from years of theater work (always had to do it for everyone else too), but unless it's part of a costume, the most I do is eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, and a bit of powder.
New technologies? Indeed, they have gotten a lot better. Stains are less drying, glosses more colorful, and stick less likely to travel into your mouth in the first hour.
Or earrings, maybe.
This. It's not grooming exactly, but having some sort of considered accessorization makes everything about an outfit look so much more sophisticated and intentional.
Not that I do that. And these days I often see women walking around with "statement necklaces" and think they look absolutely silly: why are you wearing that giant costume jewelry with a t-shirt?
The important thing for me is whether my clothes at the time have a cold bluishness to them or a warm orangeness.
AWB is worse than Hitler.
http://theabyssgazes.blogspot.co.uk/2010/03/teal-and-orange-hollywood-please-stop.html
why are you wearing that giant costume jewelry with a t-shirt?
Are you only supposed to wear real jewelry with a a t-shirt?
I don't really put any time into looking nice before I go out, but if I did I think something useful to do would be to spread some concealer over my undereye circles, and then maybe some blendy powder over the concealer.
What's the magical hair goo for floaty strands? I've recently found Herbal Essences None of Your Frizziness Shampoo + Body Envy conditioner is both improving the appearance of my hair (diminishing floaty strands, improving shine) and netting me a ton of compliments on how I smell (including from a strange woman on the subway who wanted to know the name of my fragrance). But maybe hair goo would help even more.
20: I've started wearing scarves more. Partially out of an attempt to cash in on the "I'm wearing an accessory, which means my entire outfit, mostly-invisible coffee-stains and all, is intentionally planned" effect you're referencing, but also because the climate control in my office is erratic, and a big silk scarf is surprisingly warm around your shoulders. And I have some very pretty ones I'm sentimentally fond of.
24: the one bit of advice my father ever gave me about relations with women was "if you can't think what to buy a woman for a present, buy her a scarf, because it's stylish, you can't get one in the wrong size, and no woman's ever going to say 'I don't need this, I already have a scarf'."
Well, one of the two bits of advice, actually.
I decide in my mind upon a color, and then I go to Sephora and I look at every single lipstick in the store until I see the color I had in mind.
I wish I had this power. If I tried to think of a color and then pick it out of a bunch of other colors I'd become confused and either end up choosing something at random or getting frustrated and giving up.
It's easier than it sounds. A red with no yellow in it is easily distinguished from a red with no blue in it.
25: I've given male friends that same advice. Come to think, someone here asked what to get a friend who'd just had a baby, and I think that's what I said, for pretty much exactly the same reasons.
My parents never gave me any useful advice about men. The closest I got was Dad's tip that you never arrange to meet anyone anywhere other than in a bar. If they're late, and they will be, you're already in your natural habitat, a bar.
If I were willing to increase my morning beauty regimen from 0 to 5 minutes, what would be the single ritual I could do with the most vanity payoff?
Five minutes more sleep.
Are you only supposed to wear real jewelry with a a t-shirt?
It's the gaudiness that's jarring, something like this, or one of these, with a regular old shirt. I think it's supposed to elevate the outfit or be playful or something, but too often it looks like the necklace is wearing the person.
The closest I got was Dad's tip that you never arrange to meet anyone anywhere other than in a bar. If they're late, and they will be, you're already in your natural habitat, a bar.
A friend of mine dated and eventually married a girl who refused to meet him anywhere. She would inform him which tube station she would be arriving at, and she would expect him to be there waiting. She refused point-blank to meet in bars, etc. because she didn't want to be in a bar on her own, ever.
Unless the bartender is really trusting (or you're the bartender), you're never really on your own in a bar.
While camping this weekend I happened to observe myself in the mirror at the bathroom at the campgrounds and thought, my, what striking cheekbones I have! It turned out, though, on closer inspection, that I had just inadvertently—but artfully—smudged some ash on my cheeks while touching my face.
So maybe some blush?
Well, as far as I know they're still together. She made him quit the part-time job that I knew him through, so we've sort of lost touch.
19: Helpful. I do get distracted in make-up stores but going in looking for 'red' would be easier than 'some sort of pinkish stuff that's not too bright but is a different colour than my normal lips'. I have recently successfully worn bright bright bright pink which was really fun and made me think I should wear more lipstick. Unfortunately that colour is not suitable for work.
(By outside the lips, I was wondering how to avoid having it migrate to around the lips rather than drawing new lip lines)
Bumble and Bumble's beach spray is good for making slightly frizzy hair look like you meant to leave it wavy. It's also super easy to reproduce at home without spending $25. Probably more for after work/weekends than for work.
Bracelets and fancy watches also help with looking put together.
Revlon ColorStay lipstick. Anything else smears, gets on the teeth, has to be reapplied regularly, and generally isn't worth the fuss. Put it on in the morning, it's there until evening unless you eat pizza or something oily for lunch. A little bit of eyeliner and waterproof mascara. It's a minute and a half (I pluck a few eyebrow hairs while waiting for the lipstick to dry) that makes me look like I'm making some effort.
I am in a suit! A vintage suit!
I touch my face all the time too, to the point that I think it must be conspicuous. Fortunately, I do not wear makeup. Though that thing Tia mentions for concealing under-eye circles would not go amiss.
There are a lot of eye-makeup tutorial/review videos on YouTube, organized by race/ethnicity. I have had quite a few of these inflicted on me lately, challenging my ability to keep from quoting Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I mean, does a smoky eye really require eight separate products? Really?
I do like wearing jewelry. I've always got a watch on, and usually grab 1-2 other items.
I stopped wearing a watch after I started carrying a cell phone.
With 5 minutes you could do under-eye concealer, eyeliner, and mascara, which is not super noticeable but makes people say things like "you look nice" if you don't usually wear makeup. If you like that sort of thing.
I stopped wearing makeup about a month ago after doing the same "natural" routine for years and years. I found that my face looked bland at first, but now I feel like my features upped their game. Oh, you're not putting on that stuff anymore? Okay, I guess we can't be lazy anymore.
This sounds insane, but feels true.
I also stopped washing my face and my skin looks awesome. Not that this is helpful advice for heebie, who wants to go from nothing to something, but it's a data point.
Sally's starting to want to wear makeup, and has asked me what she's allowed to wear. And I honestly have no idea, mostly -- I came down on "Do what you like, but I reserve the right to tell you to wash your face if I think you look inappropriate leaving the house. If that happens more than once or twice I'll try to figure out concretely what I'm objecting to." Parenting keeps on drifting outside my areas of expertise (see also trying to help Newt figure out how to throw a spiral. Luckily, tossing the football vaguely around in the park attracted a neighbor kid with skills, allowing me to fade into the background.)
I also like that right now I never bother to wash my face, and it seems like make up needs to be washed off.
Sometimes if I want to feel fancy I'll glue a christmas ornament to my face. Nothing gaudy, one of those nice Hallmark jobs.
A little bit of eyeliner
This would blow the five-minute thing out of the water for me, and it would still look like crap when I was done. Is there some window in the teenage years for learning eyeliner application, and I missed it? Because I have tried a few times in my adulthood, and am pretty hopeless.
(I assume actually that it just takes a decent amount of practice, and that one has more patience at that age for 1. learning to apply makeup, and 2. looking somewhat like crap with inexpertly applied makeup.)
You can get a fresher, more spontaneous look by applying the glue to your face and then tackling a Christmas tree.
(see also trying to help Newt figure out how to throw a spiral
Someday, my daughter is going to mock my inability to properly coach her on the use of cosmetics. "You apply makeup like a boy!"
I had to get some photos taken last week for a work thing, so I put on a bunch of makeup for probably the first time this year. My first thought upon applying was that I really hate how my face looks with makeup. My second thought, later in the day, was that I really hate how my face feels in makeup. I know other people like it, and it would maybe convey a "more professional" image if I could pull it off more. But I really hate makeup.
My wife has to look fairly groomed for work, but her post-shower routine takes about 5-10 minutes and 5 of those are drying her hair.* Foundation/powder, mascara, eyeliner, very occasionally a tiny amount of eyeshadow, I think, and that's about it. Hair stuff to stop her hair going curly.
* actually, 15, but the other 5 are demanding I make coffee.
I actually kind of like the lipstick thing on very rare occasions -- it's entertaining feeling as if I were unambiguously dressed up, in a Halloween costume kind of way. We went to a wedding last weekend where we knew no one at all (Buck knew the groom, I'd never met him -- the groom was British living in CA but getting married in NJ because that was where his wife's hometown was, and I think we were there because he didn't know a lot of people willing to travel to NJ for a wedding, and he needed some window dressing to make it look as though he had friends beyond his nuclear family), and I felt rather smug about passing as someone who manages to look appropriate in my lipstick, heels, and tasteful jewelry (and a dress. I remembered to wear clothes.). I can't keep it up for long enough to pass as reasonably welldressed among people who know me, but for four hours among strangers I can fake it.
the other 5 are demanding I make coffee.
You could make her routine so much more efficient by stepping up your game just a little.
What's the male equivalent? Shave every day? Get haircuts more than every five weeks? Tweeze my monobrow? Trim my nose hairs? I detect a theme.
Plus: exfoliate/scrub, tone, moisturize daily. Apply male concealer to plooks. Look after nails. etc
Assuming you're not applying self-tanning lotion, what does it mean to tone your skin?
Get haircuts more than every five weeks?
Damn. That's intense. I think my average is closer to every three months.
It's the step between the scrub (or cleanse) and the moisturise. It's like you don't even have a skin routine.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toner_%28skin_care%29
62: I'm still saving big money by honing my razor blades. I'm getting about two or three months out of them.
My skin doesn't have a routine. It comes and goes as and when it wants to.
55: The idea drying ones hair in only 5 minutes astounds.
I find if you don't dry it purposefully, at some time in the course of the morning it turns out to have become dry. I don't know if that counts as taking no time to dry (measuring by time spent attending to it) or an hour or so (measuring by time elapsed).
Earring studs that look like little zipper pulls are really creepy.
For some reason, I find hair-drying brutally boring. I won't even let them do it after I get a hair cut because it drives me so crazy.
My son gets his hair cut more than I do. He and his friends are probably better groomed at any given time than doddering me and my friends. Subversion of the patriarchy.
re: 65
Yeah, when I had long hair it literally took hours. My wife's hair is only jaw length, though. So she blasts it with the hair dryer for a few minutes, smooths on the defrizzy-gunk, and done.
I am in a suit! A vintage suit!
Go on.
Last week or so I was at the bar and some guy was wearing those giant metal circles in his earlobe (like so) and the elasticity of his skin got the better of friction. The ring went flying and took forever for him to find.
46: How old is Sally? I was hoping you would have advice about raising young girls and makeup. Caroline is nine (no, mom, nine and a HALF, duh!). Sorry, nine and a half, and she is obsessed with makeup. I would tell her not to wear it, but whenever she puts any on I can't even see it on her face, so I haven't bothered putting my foot down. Still, I am torn between being grouchy and bossy about it and taking her to a nice makeup store and letting her get some good makeup rather than the dollar store stuff she has now (which, come to think, may be the reason it's invisible). Maybe I can take her out to buy makeup when she is 13 or 14...
my average is closer to every three months
Really if I wanted to look neat I would have to have a monthly cut. I get wooly fast and there is no form of long hair that looks good on me. There may be pictures somewhere.
When I bother, which is maybe once a week, I use eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow, and mascara, no liner. This takes about 1 minute. I think under-eye concealer looks nice on other people, but with all my freckles it's very obvious and weird looking.
73: Just turned 13, so in the teenage-makeup-is-normal zone. I do try not to quash girlieness too hard just because I'm bad at it myself, but I'm not actually buying her makeup or explaining it to her given that I'd probably get all the details wrong.
I figure benign neglect and objecting to anything that looks conspicuously bad can't do her too much harm.
What's the male equivalent? Shave every day? Get haircuts more than every five weeks? Tweeze my monobrow? Trim my nose hairs? I detect a theme.
For a couple of years I got my monobrow threaded once in a while (this always sounds like some sort of ornament, like I was getting a monobrow weave, so I will specify that I mean I went to a place where people with threads twisted together yanked hairs away until brow the right and brow the left had only their fond reminiscences) but 1) it's surprisingly painful, and 2) I was a little worried I'd look creepily overgroomed.
I can't imagine shaving every day. Ugh.
Another way to spend a few extra minutes improving one's appearance is to close html tags.
Threads to pull put hair? Never heard of it.
There isn't a rule on shaving every day that fits everybody. Some men can get away with shaving a couple of times a week, no problem. But when I was going to work I had to shave every day because if I didn't I'd look like a dumpster diver by lunch time and my boss would become sarcastic.
Threading is really, really painful. I tried having my eyebrows done once, and never again. It wasn't so much the actual pain that I minded (it hurt, but didn't take all that long), as my humiliating inability to not flinch and make little gasping noises about it.
I shave about as often as k-sky gave as the outside window for getting a haircut.
OT: Filed a divorce a week ago. Served the husband on Friday. He killed himself on Sunday. Ug.
Oh, man. Poor you, and his poor wife and family. Were there kids?
I can't grow facial hair worth a damn, but I still have to shave several times a week unless I want to look like a teenager trying to grow his first goatee. I should just laser the rest away.
Now my complaints seem kind of petty. Thanks, will!
When I was most recently at the nearby mall, out in the middle of things, where you have kiosks selling t-shirts and cheapo jewelry and such, there was a threading operation set up. Four or five leather chairs, a customer reclining in each, and women hovering over them doing the threading. The level of my shock and revulsion at the sight surprised me. It's not that I am grossed out by any kind of facial hair removal; if the thing had been in one of the mall stores where you could see right in the windows, fine. But out there in the walkway, it just seemed inappropriately public for the kind of grooming going on.
I would vote for eyeliner over mascara as the one insta-improvement, after plucking/shaping eyebrows if they need it. This might depend on your coloring though. I use vaseline as mascara when I want a little more on my eyelashes because most mascara is too dark for my coloring to wear during the day for a 'natural' look. The friend I got the vaseline tip for has an olive complexion though, so I'm pretty sure it would work for anyone who wants something more subtle than mascara, and it might be a good transition into makeup. As a non-makeup wearer myself, a barrier to wearing it more regularly is the number of "Oh! you're wearing makedup! What's the occasion?" comments.
With lipstick, my problem is that it wears off unevenly, and I don't know how to replenish it during the day as often as it needs it in a non awkward manner. While lipsticked lips might look better than plain ones, lips with a lipstick rim look worse, so I generally just avoid it.
Apparently there was already a curly hair thread, but if your hair is curly, apparently there is some oil you can run through your hair after washing which makes your curls shiny and keep their shape, and you can buy it at CVS or a drug store. (I don't know what it's called, but I guess it's pretty apparent if you look in the hair section of CVS).
@85
I'm so sorry. I hope you realize that you are not responsible for others' psychological states or actions.
Apparently there was already a curly hair thread
Link? Now that I have more hair, this is something I would pay attention to.
Really if I wanted to look neat I would have to have a monthly cut.
About every four weeks here and shaving is daily. Mandatory for the job and I usually still do even on my days off because my wife really likes it.
@85
Ah...read that wrong. Glad to know it wasn't your husband, and I hope the wife knows it's not her fault.
Ugh, will, sorry to hear that.
Britta, how does the vaseline-on-eyelashes thing work? Just like it sounds? I just bought the girls this hair butter and I wonder what impact it would have on eyelashes.
I was just at CVS for my usual sugar rush. Some guy was bouncing a couple of crusties from the sidewalk.
98 to 93 and 95
Agran oil is sort of the ingredient of the moment, like jojoba and kakui before it. Lots of the drugstore stuff has a low percentage of agran oil, and the full-strength stuff ("Moroccan Oil") is pretty pricy. Although for all I know they are selling that at CVS these days.
101 cont.: I have no idea what the actual percentages on these things are. Just that there are lots of products showing up with "agran oil" in the ingredients, and the price depends on just how much agran oil is really there.
101: I think it's actually spelled "argan" but I could be wrong. It's not something I've used yet. Do you ever use coconut oil? That would be my recommendation for a first cheap & easy oil for someone who wanted to try oil treatments. Plus if you don't like it on your hair, make popcorn!
Argan, Jojoba, Kakui! Come with me! The children are unhappy!
Some guy was bouncing a couple of crusties from the sidewalk.
I could not for the life of me figure out what this meant. Somebody found some... checks... in the... road and they were... covered in... bread?
Sounds like argan oil is actually something you should be encouraged to use. Pedia thing:
The production of argan oil is beginning to have noticeable environmental and social impacts. Argan oil production means that argan trees are now seen as a valuable resource. This has led to their preservation with a knock-on impact on the environment. The labour-intensive nature of argan oil production, now frequently carried out by women's co-operatives, has provided a steady income for many women and their families, improved the social status of some women and has encouraged producers of other agricultural products to examine the co-operative model.
My husband's curly hair responds very favourably to argan oil. Me, I should wear hair spray to keep the shape and frizzies down but somehow just can't quite bring myself to do it.
My make up routine takes 2-3 minutes - concealer, powder, blush, eye shadow, eyebrow powder/waxy stuff. However, I'm fairly sure no one actually realizes I have make up on unless I put mascara and lipstick on, which I only do when I'm going out (mascara has been too eye-irritating lately). I also wear most of it off halfway through the day due to constant face touching.
Hah, I wrote that before I had refreshed and seen all the other comments on argan oil. It is great, and it smells really nice. He uses it in the pricey form (Moroccanoil) but it lasts a really really long time.
103: It sure is (argan argan argan)!
105: Young people who have taken to extremely minimalist grooming and continual travel as a form of protest against materialism were being asked to move on by a very low ranking member of the capitalist establishment who was citing some sort of law against sitting down where they were sitting.
My usual beauty routine (excluding hair, which adds another five minutes or so) takes five minutes: eyeliner, mascara, sheer red-type lipstick. If I'm running late, just the lipstick -- the right color brightens up your whole face.
Garnier has a line of all-natural gel that works very well for my hair. I've tried the argan oil stuff but it's often mixed with silicone protectants and my hair takes those as a sign that I want a lot of frizz.
49: I had one of my little sisters teach me eyeliner before I got married...
Haven't read much of the thread yet, but the answer to Heebie's question is 1) undereye concealer and 2) blush.
Moroccan Oil is pricy, and does have argan oil, but is definitely not 100% argan oil. It's got lots of silicones in it, too.
Also fragrance. Argan oil itself smells kind of nutty, but just like... a nut oil, which it is. Moroccan Oil smells like spices and stuff.
114: I think I like that part. I'd be a little disconcerted if hair smelled exactly like something I'd want to eat.
But yeah, lots of other stuff in it, but the argan oil seems to be whatever makes it so much better than the other silicone-based stuff on the market. Do you use the pure form on your hair, and do you like it?
So the women of Unfogged all get ready in about 10-15 mins? Seems fast. I guess nobody has included the time to floss and brush.
What takes me longest is putting together clothing that doesn't make me look like a hobo.
(And crap! I'm going to have to throw away this cardigan, which has been a somewhat successful professional disguise for a couple years. Two inch hole in the elbow from wear, one inch hole in the back from moths. Arrrr. And yes, I'm still wearing it right now, at work.)
I'm probably at 10-15 minutes depending on my shower time, and that includes flossing and brushing my teeth. 5 minutes to shower and wash my face there, less than 5 to dry off and do the teeth stuff, a few more minutes for getting dressed, and then it's time to get Nia up and do all her morning stuff. I'm not claiming I look particularly good, but I don't have to.
Do you use the pure form on your hair
I don't! So I have no idea if it's actually special on hair or just expensive vegetable oil.
So the women of Unfogged all get ready in about 10-15 mins?
Oh no not me, not even close. I take extremely long showers. I think I also take a weirdly long time brushing my teeth. And I hate being rushed in the morning far more than I hate getting up early. Unless I have to leave before 7, I give myself enough time to eat a leisurely breakfast and drink two cups of coffee.
I have a monobrow which is basically invisible more than 18 inches away, but which is nevertheless there. I wonder if I should try threading sometime.
Smearcase, out of curiosity, what was the advantage of having your eyebrow threaded as opposed to having a barber do some careful razor work?
If you shaved it, wouldn't you have monobrow stubble within a day or two? Threading plucks out the entire hairs, so it lasts longer.
Can't you just wax an eyebrow? Or use tweezers? I don't understand the advantage of threading.
It's faster than tweezing and involves less hot wax on your face than waxing.
Is the winner of the eybrow contest Ataturk or Brezhnev?
Of all the pictures of Brezhnev, how did you find that one?
I'm pretty much Blume in 122. I want a longish time between getting out of bed and leaving the house -- breakfast, newspaper, wondering if I have any non-hobo-looking clothes -- but I don't spend it primping, more lolling around uselessly snarling at the children.
Picking out clothes is the worst! Which tie should I wear with which shirt?!?!
Should I wear brown shoes or black today?!?
Very complicated.
My darn kid does slow me down though. "Please get in the shower?? Seriously, you have to shower now!!!! Come on........dont you want to smell so nice??? Your teacher wants you to smell nice! I'll bet your teacher took her shower this morning. Your dad is old. Dont make him lift you into the shower. Pleeeeaaase. You will be sooooo pretty if you shower!"
130:
toplessleonidbrezhnev.com
nikolaibuganinhothothot.com
pantsoffkruschev.net
fuckyeahvyacheslavmolotov.org
Ex-Bulgaria boss Zhelyu Zhelev gets a nod for his unnerving twin-Hitler-moustache-style eyebrows. Although probably the most expressive are those of Nobel laureate and celebrity swine flu sufferer Costa Rican president Oscar Arias Sanchez.
He uses it in the pricey form (Moroccanoil) but it lasts a really really long time.
I think this is exactly the stuff I got upsold, back in comment 4. My hair was not sticky or producty whatsoever after she put it in.
I wonder if I can get my back hair threaded?
To get really vainly ridiculous, my face-complaint is coming into focus from reading this thread: when I weighed less, my face was thinner. (Duh.) Now I've got more weight around my cheeks and chin, and so the balance of my face is more bottom-heavy than it used to be. It seems like eye make-up might balance that out.
Read this in light of everything I've said about not knowing what the hell I'm talking about with makeup, but if I were trying to make my face look thinner, I think I'd head for blush before eye makeup.
Really? Plump + blush = milkmaid, to me. Not that that's not perfectly attractive.
A lot of human perception is contrast detection. If your neck looks much bigger, your head will appear smaller. So, neck brace.
Same disclaimer, but don't people who know what they're doing paint themselves cheekbones? Like nosflow's artless ash-smearing in 34.
Do people still do the hollows of cheeks shading without looking dreadfully dated? I suppose it's how well you do it. I just picture those bold 80s posters of women with shoulder pads and slashing cheek rouge.
lw is right; neck brace and an afro.
@95
Ha! I just assumed there had been one from a previous comment, but I am probably wrong. Looks like this thread could end up being one. Apparently argan oil is a big thing. My roommate, who is Chinese but with really wavy/frizzy hair uses it to get more wave and less frizz, on recommendation from a very curly haired friend, so it looks like it might work for all curly haired types.
@99
I usually apply vaseline with a q-tip and then smooth and separate with my fingers, or sometimes I just skip the q-tip and just use my fingers, and it seems to work pretty well. Thinking about it more, I suppose you could also get a mascara brush and use that too and it might be more efficient, I would probably do that if I did this on a daily basis.
@117
I imagine unfogged commentators are a pretty unrepresentative group of women. Depending, if we're talking solely about personal grooming and dressing I can take anywhere from 30 seconds to about half an hour, but average is probably about 10 minutes.
136:As the partner, that's what I like about it! No uckiness on the fingers, whatsoever. So it should get Jammies's vote.
If we can complain about our looks in the hopes of getting advice and/or commiseration, I have very fine hair which varies from stick straight or close to most of the time, but sometimes is wavy and occasionally gets curly enough to form ringlets, depending on how long it is (the longer it is, the more it gets curly), when I wash it, what shampoo I use, and the weather. I also have a cowlicks at the crown of my head. Generally, it's limp when I want it to have body, and parts of it weirdly frizz when I want it too look smooth. Of course, when I stay in my pajamas all day, it's really shiny and looks like shampoo commercial hair. Oh, also, the roots get greasy quickly, but the rest of it is dry. I don't know many people with this type of hair, and it's really hard to get a good haircut that will work for all incarnations of my hair, or to even make the hairdresser understand that my hair will do something different the next day. I go with a blunt cut bob because it rarely looks terrible, but it was the haircut I had at age 4, and it depresses me to think that even then my dad had figured out the only way I can wear my hair.
Find a stylist with similarly textured hair?
Sorry, I can see that this is a constructive thread, don't mean to sound snarky.
Let me tell a joke to demonstrate good intent:
An exquisitely dressed dude is in the waiting room. Beautiful shoes, $300 jeans, a shirt that looks like nothing special but nicely fitted until a second look at the fabric makes you think of butterfly wings in the Caribbean sunsshine-- anyway, he gets called in, and the doctor asks why he's there.
"I think I've got allergies, but I broke out in the most embarrasing place."
"OK, I'm a doctor, where?"
"Walmart."
Can you do the dry-shampoo thing at the roots? I'm speaking from having totally different hair and no real idea.
Not intended that way, but I'm winging it and do not undestand grooming-- usually I either understand what I'm saying, stay quiet, or am sarcastic.
Ah shit will; horrible situation.
I think I'm doing well if I brush my hair. But then I am a slob whose jeans fall down because my belt broke and I haven't yet bought a new one. I'm usually clean, and I like my face (especially my eyebrows), that's enough for me. Lots of grey streaks though - seemingly mostly growing out of my parting. I did my parting on the other side for a while, which I think made me look younger because you couldn't see the grey (so much), but it was too confusing so I stopped.
Kid A doesn't do make up, but Kid B does sometimes. She used to use it more a year or so ago. First day she came down with this huge eyes I kind of shrieked, "what's happened to your eyes?!" and then realised.
What kind of fabric looks like butterfly wings?
That doesn't sound too far off my hair, but that doesn't mean I know what to do about it. I wash it with the cheapest available shampoo a couple times a week, air dry it, and look rumpled.
I'm hoping for dramatic gray at some point. Right now it's graying, but not in any interesting way.
I have a fair bit of gray at the temple, but it isn't obvious if I cut my hair short. I have fairly light hair and there isn't much contrast.
117: I'm a female philosopher. No one knows what we're supposed to look like.
143: You can do the cheekbone highlight subtly, or let your hair grow a bit longer (if it's shorter.)
With dark brown, if the gray would clump up cooperatively I'd get interesting streaks, but it's not really doing that, just kind of throwing out the occasional gray hair all over, which isn't entertaining at all.
You want to look like Rouge or whoever it is I'm thinking of on the X men?
Would I sound more intellectual if I said I was thinking of Susan Sontag?
Would it be bad if I didn't know how she looked?
If you've picked up what her hair looks like from context, does it matter?
Moby doesn't even see luxurious, flowing hair.
If she haunts me and I don't know and I say something in favor of interpretation, she might try to possess my house.
With dark brown, if the gray would clump up cooperatively I'd get interesting streaks, but it's not really doing that, just kind of throwing out the occasional gray hair all over, which isn't entertaining at all.
Oh, wow, do I ever feel the opposite. I really, genuinely do not mind going gray, or at least I wouldn't if the grays were evenly distributed in a nice mild salt and pepper. But instead they're all clumped up, which doesn't look too bad on my head but looks very weird on my face, whenever I don't shave. Having big white spots in my stubble looks unkempt bordering on diseased. I hate it.
Maybe if I grew out a full beard if would look less bad, but in stubble it looks terrible.
Is there a name for the fear that everything you've posted on unfogged, you already said a couple of years ago?
I remember learning a word "бровоносец" (brovonosets) meaning "carrier of a brow" that I think meant a person with a prodigious unibrow and I think was applied to Brezhnev. Now it just sounds like on of those brohamnal terms of address.
re: 158
Yeah, me too. Only really at the sides of my head above my ears, though, rather than the temple. If I keep my hair short you'd never know. Sadly, I'll go* bald before I go grey.
* partly have gone.**
** although I discussed cropping my hair really short with the hair dresser and she was horrified. Apparently apart from the widow's peak thing, the rest is thick, etc.***
*** fnarr.
I think I have gray hairs in my regular hair but I haven't really found them. I definitely have the occasional gray hairs in my beard, along with a wacky blond streak that showed up as a product of age.
Increasing numbers of white hairs in my beard, though. Which is sort of variegated ginger and brown, which concealed them for a while, but there's now definite white patches.
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Courtney Love is apparently here at opening night. I wonder if I should go up at intermission and offer to cut her some toast soldiers. A calf massage would seem forward.
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172.last: I dunno, with your mandolined pinky it might seem novel and kinky and enthralling.
Britta, I have no insight on good haircuts, more's the pity. But for oily scalp/dry everything else: try shampooing only the roots and conditioning only the ends.
10-15 minutes start to finish sounds about right for days when I'm not washing my hair (so: shower, contacts, teeth, clothes*, deodorant, concealer, ponytail). There's a lot of puttering before that window starts, though.
*Thankfully in my line of work there's no hobo penalty. A couple of years ago rfts tried to describe to me the fashion gradation across her seminars: "The linguists dress more or less like you, but maybe wear more black, and then the literature people are more, you know, stylish." Oh yes, I know.
A good thing about wearing makeup: I wear kohl, and also color my nearly invisible eyebrows. If I need a day or two off work I make sure to leave off the makeup on the day I return and everyone says things like "yes you really look tired, are you sure you should be back?" I discovered this by accident. The downside is that you have to always wear makeup the rest of the time.
Yeah, I like having a beard because I have wacky colors in it, bits of ancestral red and blond in with the brown.
If you have a chance to interact with Courtney Love, you should absolutely do it. I am always in favor of surreal encounters.
My beard finally grows in as white! (OK, mostly white.) The multicolored stage was so damned annoying. Patches of white, patches of gray, some blond, some red, some brown. Phooey!
When I was growing it out, someone said that I looked like Robert E. Lee. I looked aghast and said that my goal was John Brown. Since I was growing my hair too, I did achieve a John Brown, Jr. look.
Then, I cut it all off a few weeks ago. I don't want to be mistaken for Santa Claus at this time of year.
Britta, I have really fine hair too, although mine is generally curly. Hair dressers want to cut it very short, with flyaway layers to maximize volume. One thing I have noticed is that when my hair is flat and oily and gross, that usually means that it's time for a trim. It really does help make the hair fall better, somehow, even when it's otherwise unkempt.
On changes to hair/skin as one ages: what does one do for dry skin? I've always been an oily skin person, but in the last few months I have dry skin in what I think is called the T-zone: like, along the top of my eyebrows, down the sides of my nose, and my upper lip. It's awful - what on earth is that? I exfoliate daily (since otherwise I have actually flaky skin in these spots) and wind up with angry red patches for a few hours afterwards, so I might not be handling this right. Embarrassing.
I think I need a product recommendation? I've been slathering Aveeno daily moisturizing lotion on the areas two or three times a day, but the red spots, the red spots. Something is wrong with my face.
Should I put vitamin E on the spots? I think I need something healing; I have no idea why this has begun to occur -- I look like I've been blowing my nose relentlessly due to a cold.
A couple of years ago rfts tried to describe to me the fashion gradation across her seminars: "The linguists dress more or less like you, but maybe wear more black, and then the literature people are more, you know, stylish." Oh yes, I know.
I am the most gracious friend!
(I myself look like I have given linguist levels of attention to my clothes and grooming but spend money on it like, oh, let's say a critical-theory person, so I am the winningest loser in that regard. I guess at least I don't spend art-history levels of money.)
I got a spontaneous nosebleed at the airport last night. I was terribly surprised.
Are you sure a kid didn't smack your nose yesterday. I had distributing nose bleeds that sores stopped once I realized the boy was yanking my nose hard enough to cause the damage.
On the makeup-wearing front, I'm with Britta upthread: whenever I do something as dramatic as mascara, people stop short. Whoa, why does your face look like that? (That's because I normally have nearly invisible eyelashes. The eyebrows are now disappearing, turning grey or white or silver, while my hair hasn't changed at all. This is going to be interesting.)
My sense of what to do for dry skin may be overkill, because I've always been beyond dry. But try Aquafor on the flaky spots -- you won't need much.
Parsi, I'm doing the washing-with-oil thing, but if you can find a little shea butter, which I get at the local farmers' market where several stalls sell African soaps and oils, that works well for me. Coconut oil isn't so great for skin, I don't think.
182: could it be seborrheic dermatitis? I'm just guessing based on the locations.
OT: This gin I made (infused vodka) is really delicious. More cardamom was a good idea! (Other non-juniper spices were some sprigs of lavender, grapefruit peel, fennel, coriander, allspice, peppercorn.)
187-189: Thanks. I'll look into these things. My fear is that it's an actual condition (seborrheic dermatitis?). Could well be. Argh. Okay. Thank you.
Parsimon, I'd also recommend a nice clay with jojoba oil in it. When my skin gets really dry or dull-looking, a good clay (not a peeling or cleansing thing!) makes it feel much much better.
I'd also go really gentle on the exfoliation business. When I worked at the Fancy Spa, I saw a lot of over-exfoliated and over-peeled faces that wanted some rest, lots of water to drink, and a good clay.
For reference, I'm currently using Kiehl's Rare Earth Deep Pore Cleansing Mask, but it's not as moisturizing as the mask my former roommate used to make from Balkan clay powder, jojoba oil, and a bit of water. Still feels great though and doesn't provoke angry dry spots.
'kay. I thought I might be dehydrated, so I've been drinking more water (also thought maybe my pillow cases were greasy or grungy or something, so changed those). I see from the wikipedia page on seborrheic dermatitis that I should probably start on B complex. Maybe I'll cut my hair shorter! But I have haircut phobia.
We'll see. Since this is going on now for a month or so, apparently it's an actual thing. Boo, but at least I have something to go on. More rest, stress reduction, etc.
In addition to the other stuff, that is.
Her description of the other stuff as "non-juniper spices" implies that there was, I think.
Paisley? Is that now in fashion?
No, it's in Renfrewshire.
I can believe that makeup must be learned young; mascara and eyeliner bewilder me too. And I frequently comb & braid & pin up my hair wet. At least it dries, in California; I don't know why it didn't mildew in Seattle.
I learned how to put on mascara and eyeliner from a boss of mine in my early 20s, so it can be learned as an adult. For a minimal 'natural' eyeliner application, it only takes about 30 seconds and is usually hard to screw up. I only use the pencil kind, liquid eyeliner is well beyond my skill level though. I've also found that Revlon colorstay works well and doesn't smear over the course of the day, even when my eyes water, unlike other even cheaper drug store brands ($2 eyeliners are a waste of money). You can also use eyebrow pencil, and that also doesn't seem to run, but it's also hard to notice on the eye. For mascara, I think quality really matters in terms of application. The same boss gave me some Sephora mascara, and it didn't clump ever. My drug store mascara clumps all the time, even using the same technique. I am too cheap to spend that much money on something that's supposed to be thrown out every 6 months, given that I wear mascara about 3x in that period though.
Dry shampoo...yeah, that might be a good idea. The concept messes with my culturally conditioned ideas of cleanliness involving water, but I suppose I can get over that.
For hair dressers, the best hair cut I ever got was from a Kosovar barber who had spent 5 years as a refugee in Sweden. He dropped off the face of the earth, and I can't remember exactly what he did or how to ask anyone to recreate it.
Moby, juniper went in first and in the largest amount (2.5 tablespoons) and the rest I just threw in based on what sounded good at the time.
Thanks. Just wondering. I'm not likely to start making anything like that on my own. The lemoncello I made wasn't a hit.
The lemoncello I made wasn't a hit.
Because it wasn't good, or because not enough people liked it? I find limoncello disgusting.
I really don't if anybody who tried it had experience of lemoncello made by somebody who'd done it before.
I had it once in Italy on vacation and loved it, but it's been disgusting every time I've tried it at home. Probably just the vacation effect, but I'm haunted by the possibility that the good limoncello is out there and I just don't know the right brand.
I've only had it in the U.S., so maybe that's my problem. But if in Italy I would probably skip it in favor of trying more herbal digestives. I guess limoncello and I just have no future together.
But if in Italy I would probably skip it in favor of trying more herbal digestives.
When I've had it in Italy it was given out to everyone for free at the end of the meal, not something anyone specifically ordered. I have no memory of how it tasted one way or the other, so I guess it was neither disgusting nor awesome.
Friends brought a bottle of a lemongrass-cello to a BBQ I hosted a few years back. Amazing stuff. Especially once another friend thought to muddle it with some Thai basil from my garden and, IIRC, fresh limes. Have never managed to find it in stores, though.
I am wearing mascara this morning. My friend that I visited over the weekend happened to give me an extra tube she had from Costco lying around. I don't feel transformed...yet...
I have a fair bit of gray at the temple, but it isn't obvious if I cut my hair short.
This bugs me when I get a haircut. I like my grey.
Southern lady name for grey at the temples: dove's wings.
210: Ha. I put on lipstick this morning and brushed my hair into some semblance of order so it doesn't look at odds with my make-up.
I put some vaseline-like lip stuff on my eyelashes, but I don't think it did much good. I look pretty awful today, but that probably has more to do with headache and sleep than anything I did to improve myself.
I really love how much gray I have and that it's visible, though spread evenly throughout and not in the awesome Susan Sontag/Rogue patch that I always hoped I'd inherit form my grandmother.
In terms of feeling old:
Random co-worker I don't know, leaning into my office: "[Thirdparty] told me you and I went to school together."
Me: "Really? What year?"
Random: "1990."
Me: "Oh, I'm two years older than you, then. Let me see -- did you know Dana, who sang madrigals and went to MIT? Thisbe?"
Random: "Funny, [Thirdparty] thought you were younger than I am, not older."
Me: "I'm well-preserved."
I'll just lurk here in my office, gradually growing greyer.
OT: The article doesn't offer it as a suggested reason, but I think maybe somebody was trying to create a true Scotsman.
My friend that I visited over the weekend happened to give me an extra tube she had from Costco lying around.
You know how sometimes when you fly somewhere, they give everyone on the plane some product as a part of a promotion? (Actually, I'm not sure when I became aware of this as a thing that happens. Maybe just on discount airlines?) A year or so ago everyone (or just the women, I think) on my jetBlue flight got that mascara in the pink tube with the green cap. It seemed so random: Hey ladies, here's some mascara for you!
218: The reported dialog may not have conveyed the "Good heavens, you're unexpectedly elderly" look I got from the guy.
You know how sometimes when you fly somewhere, they give everyone on the plane some product as a part of a promotion?
No! No, I don't. I'm flying the wrong airlines.
But "Good heavens, you're unexpectedly elderly" is a compliment.
Most of my school chums are in their mid-20s, and I get the "Good heavens, you're unexpectedly elderly" quite a bit. It usually just makes me feel old.
OT: Alan Alda and I visited the same Chase branch this morning. He didn't take any of the free lollipops, but I made sure his share found a good home.
I went to an '80s HS prom' costume dance this year and wore lipstick that was, I'm pretty sure, from the 80s (though not HS). I don't know if I should get rid of it or save it for retro value.
No! No, I don't. I'm flying the wrong airlines.
JetBlue! They also have free name-brand snack foods during the flights, and seem to be running some sort of promotional drink special about half the time.
224: I have met him! A+++ would meet again.
228: His mere presence brightens the day for blocks around, but it makes me sad to see him aging. I sort of thought he would be Hawkeye Pierce forever.
He and Howard Stern have the same voice.
JetBlue doesn't fly to CLE, bah!
Not to STL either, or I would seldom fly anything else.
I wonder what an episode of M*A*S*H would look like now. Maybe it's on Netflix.
My favorite M*A*S*H joke was: someone sings "Git along, little doggie!" and the doctor, Hawkeye's buddy, says "I had a long little doggie. He was a a dachsund."
230 was some excellent trolling!! But I kinda agree.
233 is not a very good joke. I like M*A*S*H and it's held up decently when I've seen it recently, but it's striking that, especially in the early seasons, it's really all about smart, assholish, insouciant liberals making fun of uptight conservative idiots. It's the flip side of Nixonian resentment and you can kinda see what the Nixonians resented.
As the show moves into its later period it loses that quality somewhat and gets more sentimental.
My favorite was when they're short on all the supplies, and someone (maybe Hotlips) wants shampoo for the nurses, and Hawkeye says, "Shampoo? We don't even have real poo!"
232: It doesn't age that badly. It's strikingly anti-war in a way that you could never see in a TV show today, though.
234.2-3 - I agree. In the beginning, Trapper and Hawkeye are kind of jerks -- they're smart and funny, but they do and say a lot of shitting things. Then Trapper is replaced by BJ, who is way too nice and likeable, and Hawkeye becomes a sap.
My mom watched a lot of MASH when I was a kid. She had just emigrated, and didn't really speak English, and I guess that was the one show that was remotely comprehensible to her, because of the setting and because it was about medical care (she had been a nurse).
Of course, it was actually filmed in B//rb//k, where we lived. I remember once watching the opening credits, with the helicopter landing in the hills, and realizing they looked exactly like the hills behind our house. I was trying to connect with my mom, and said "hey! Korea looks just like Bu//ba//k!" And she shook her head and said no, no, not really -- Korea looks nothing like Bur//ank.
but they do and say a lot of shitting things
"Hawkeye! Hawkeye!"
"Yes, Trapper John?!"
"I am going to be shitting things!"
"What things will you be shitting?!"
"I do not know! I will be shitting them with my mouth!"
"Hooray!"
(they do a little dance)
(it was a pretty weird show early on)
I think maybe Johnny Carson already told most of American that your city was actually the location for the filming of many TV shows.
Oh, huh. I guess 235 was one of the shitting things.
IIRC, some of the pranks they played on Hot Lips would get you on the sex offender list today.
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I am reviewing documents from a personal injury trial where plaintiff's expert on his chronic pain condition was Dr. Hertz. Seriously, if your life is taking you in that sort of direction? Change your name.
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I remember seeing it when I was too young to really follow it, and it was obvious to me that Burns was the sympathetic character, the uptight square always being viciously pranked and mocked by the others. Relatedly, I preferred Bert to Ernie.
242: Much less so in the tv version.
244: I used to live near a dentists office, last name of Payne
244: I used to live near a dentists office, last name of Payne
Limoncello! I remember vividly a bottle an Italian historian of my acquaintance got sent from his mum. The bottle was labelled "ETHANOL", with a "harmful" sign, encased in ice, and various safety advice including "NO FUMARE". It tasted like frozen lemons and platonic-ideal booze. yeah.
somehow we didn't die on the road on the way back, nor were we arrested. About 2005, I think. I don't remember at all the doubtless fascinating conversation about Machiavelli and Iraq, thanks to the limoncello.
248-9 was not me, though it could have been. Dr. Payne's son was well-known for opening bottles with his teeth.
People, the best M*A*S*H joke is when Hawkeye says "My grandfather made his fortune selling whiskey and hors d'oeuvres to the Indians," and someone says "Whiskey and hors d'oeuvres?" and Hawkeye says "He always said 'What's a drink without a nosh?' "
And then there's Peter D'Eath, who studies black holes.
(There's a famous trilogy of papers written by D'Eath and Payne. Death and pain! Death and pain! It makes me so happy.)
I was delivered by Dr. Bottoms.
I've never seen M*A*S*H the TV show, but I absolutely HATED the protagonists of the movie. This has been discussed before.
238: That was the special Terrance and Phillip/M.A.S.H. crossover episode, right?
256: That thread, in my memory, is like four or five separate threads.
My orthodontist as a child was Dr. Fee.
Thre was (supposedly) a dentist in Pittsburgh when I was young named Dr. Baum. When we heard a loud noise someone would say "Dr. Baum fell out the window." Hilarious. Later on someone said that he landed on Baum Boulevard and this was thought to be the height of wit. Of course we were the under-ten set.
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I would like the person who stole my wallet out of my bag on the subway this morning to kindly burn in hell. Spending the day cancelling credit cards, changing my checking account (checkbook in the wallet), realizing that I can't get a new drivers license until I have a new credit card, and so on is very annoying. Even better, I have no money, and no MetroCard, and didn't ride my bike. To get home, I can either walk thirteen miles, or take a cab and have someone at home meet me with cash to pay it with, which is a little uncomfortable feeling.
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Read "Baum" as "Bomb." It swept the third grade.
262: Do you have running shoes? Change into them in the cab by way of exit strategy.
This has been discussed before.
So have profession-appropriate names.
263: Ah! I think there might be a regional accent thing going on there too, plus the third grade.
Thanks. I figure if I can get enough votes behind the 'burn in hell' proposition, it may get somewhere.
I figure if I can get enough votes behind the 'burn in hell' proposition, it may get somewhere
Does NY allow plebiscites on the ballot?
Wallet thief be damned! It seems like hiding away some cash money at the office might not be a bad idea, against contingencies. My parents were surprising about this sort of thing: my dad didn't keep all his credit cards on him, my mom stuck a hundred or two (or a thousand) in cash in unlikely places. It struck me as slightly retro -- parents have their behaviors, after all.
Aw man. That sucks, LB. But I bet your family would spring for your cab.
The maddening thing is trying to remember what's in my wallet. Credit card's canceled, debit card's canceled, checking account is closed and a new one's opened, I've asked HR for a new ID, new health insurance card and to change my direct deposit, I can't get a new drivers license until I have a new credit card to pay online with, but the damn wallet was full of cards that I'd jammed in there at one time or another, and I can't remember if any of them were actually enough use to replace or if it was just all accumulated cruft.
Assume accumulated cruft. If anything was important, you'll notice eventually. That way's less stressful. You cancelled anything critical, right?
Who's in Lower Manhattan and has an unlimited-ride Metrocard?
Check your e, LB.
Done, and thanks! Smearcase is teh Metrocard-possessing hero.
What an asshole! May they burn in hell.
Coincidentally, I just got a new wallet today.
278: Can I at least get the baby pictures of Sally and Newt back? The one where she's climbed into the cradle to cuddle him is really cute.
Oh man! Now I want to kill that whoever-it-was.
The maddening thing is trying to remember what's in my wallet.
If my wallet were stolen right now, I'd be inordinately upset that my punchcard from the frozen yogurt place was gone. I'm only one purchase away from a free yogurt!
The maddening thing is trying to remember what's in my wallet.
This. I have the thought every few months or so that I should really make a list of all the things that are in my wallet, in case it's ever stolen. But of course I haven't yet.
Btw, are you positive it was stolen and not just accidentally dropped out of your bag?
Either way, that sucks--sorry.
Library cards! (I doubt they'll need to be cancelled immediately.)
Btw, are you positive it was stolen and not just accidentally dropped out of your bag?
Positive, no, but it's unlikely -- my bag's a briefcase, and I'd be surprised if anything fell out of it short of everything falling out of it, if you see what I mean.
First time I've been pickpocketed in my life, though.
If I had my walled swiped, the worst thing would be replacing my pass for getting into the place where I interview people, which takes forever and not having it really fucks with my work life. But I'd also be sad about the key card swiped from The Algonquin. I have no idea why I keep it in my wallet.
Huh. I should make a list of my card-holder contents.
I just did, profiting from LB's suffering.
Now I have to think where to put it.
That seems like some expert-level pickpocketry -- opening a closed briefcase on the subway and stealing a wallet! What kind of closures does your briefcase have?
291: epistemic. It's never even heard of wallets.
Sorry to hear about your wallet LB.
282 really is vigilante-squad inducing. Do the Guardian Angels still exist? Sorry that happened to you LB.
I just misread 295 as "vigilante-squid inducing" and now I want to see a comic with a masked cephalopod fighting crime.
OT: I think I just shocked the new female associate with excessive swearing. Maybe telling her that we should let the other side to "fuck off and play with themselves for a while until they come up with a legally fucking valid argument" wasn't the best move on her first day.
Let s/b tell. I never actually swear at opposing counsel by the way; it's for internal use only.
My favorite saying along the lines of 297 is "you can go play a nice rousing game of hide-and-go-fuck-yourself"
Sympathy, LB. That sucks big time.
I had my wallet stolen on the Paris Métro two years ago. The feeling is horrible and self-recrimination didn't help. (Plus the worry that my backup card would get cancelled for unusual activity and I'd be SOL.)
Most of my school chums are in their mid-20s, and I get the "Good heavens, you're unexpectedly elderly" quite a bit. It usually just makes me feel old.
My brother!
parsimon
I no longer carry all my credit cards and have a much smaller stash of emergency cash (around $60) after getting my wallet stolen 2 years ago and being without access to money for several days. Sometimes I'm over paranoid and take things out that later I need, like my ATM card. But yeah, having the wallet stolen sucks, and what's really annoying is realizing most of the stuff is of no value to the thief and will pretty much end up in the garbage, except it's a giant pain for you to replace.
Also, if we're quasi-humble bragging, I also look much younger than I am, and when I tell people my real age, they get this look of shock and (in my imagination) horror that it makes me feel a million years old, even though objectively they've paid me of a compliment.
262
... To get home, I can either walk thirteen miles, or take a cab and have someone at home meet me with cash to pay it with, which is a little uncomfortable feeling.
I was wondering why you couldn't just borrow the cab fare from a co-worker and then it occurred to me that that NYC cab fare is probably a bit more than the $20 or so I was envisioning.
She could have borrowed subway fare.
Oh, I could have, but I'd rather look like an idiot who got pickpocketed in front of the entire internet than in front of my coworkers. (My erratic and counterproductive sense of personal dignity? Let me show you it.) Actually, I could have borrowed $2.50 for the subway rather than forty for cabfare if I was going to borrow money from my coworkers.
According to the Dress for Success guy, you could have just asked strangers for subway fare and gotten it rather easily if you were wearing a necktie.
I'm a harmless looking middle aged white woman. With any kind of story, I could probably panhandle your average guy in a suit for a c-note.
When my friend was 12, she was a full blown nerdy one in orchestra and water ballet and practicing Mormon. Apparently her mom wouldn't let her wear converse sneakers - and this was the fight to end all fights for them - because then my friend would look like a drug dealer.
Only loosely related but that story cracks me up.
309
When my friend was 12, she was a full blown nerdy one in orchestra and water ballet and practicing Mormon. Apparently her mom wouldn't let her wear converse sneakers - and this was the fight to end all fights for them - because then my friend would look like a drug dealer.
I have worn Converse sneakers all my life. they seem to go in and out of fashion but I was unaware that they are associated with dealing drugs. I was aware that the F91W Casio watch that I wore for many years was allegedly favored by terrorists.
Shearer is a drug-dealing terrorist! His perfect cover blown at last!
Kind of back to the OT: I tried some eyeblack and it was a total fiasco, even with YouTube help.
The first hiccup is that when I like my face, why put anything on it?, and when I don't, all I see is a bad face gucked up with pathetic artifice. When I get around that, I realize that most of the makeup I like looking at is practically dazzle camo. (I came up in the 80s, reading skiffy, after all.) I can intellectually appreciate subtly perfecting one's natural look, but it hits the first hiccup.
However, as I get a lot less `you can't really be that young!' than I did when I came to grad school, I should probably look into this subtlety thing.
308: That's why I only give charity to young men who are visibly drunk/high. I don't want to get cheated.
From what you've said about how you generally dress, I don't think I'd try panhandling you for anything substantial.
I realize that most of the makeup I like looking at is practically dazzle camo.
Dazzle camouflage makeup, you say?
http://io9.com/5510040/designer-reverse+engineers-face+detection-tech-to-develop-camouflage-makeup
(Yes, I've posted this before...)
315: I'm in a university area of a very unfashionable city. You'll not get many targets if you're that picky.
And I liked it already, ajay! Yes, something between that and those damned posters -- not Erté; brushwork faces of heavily-made-up women in shoulderpads, overlaid with triangles of vivid colors. Damnit. Not only are my formative influences ludicrous, my memory is going.
I just survived my 15-year HS reunion. I wore red lipstick that Lee said made me look not so much like a lesbian and Nia found so exciting she insisted on turning on all the lights in her room to properly inspect me. I also had a smudged eyeliner and little undereye something that's supposed to make me look awake. I guess I should do this more but I dn't wanna.
