Does "African American Swede" count as an ethnicity?
Surely it should include the list of women ogged wouldn't date, perhaps as a footnote: "Warning -- do not answer this ad if (1) English is not your primary language; (2)...." And a little drawing of one of those amusement park signs, 5'6" tall, saying "You must be taller than the clown to date Ogged."
See? This is just the kind of input I need!
How about "My friends say I bring true meaning to the word 'adequate'."
And "I have the body of some 400m sprinter, but I promise to give it back in a few years."
Something about walks on the beach.
And not solitary walks on the beach, which are angsty and self-abusive.
I'm not enough of an insider to get all of the jokes, but I understand that ogged basically thinks that people who feel compelled to call themselves Persian, not Iranian, are basically wankers who worked for the Shah.
So, is the aim to describe the opposite of what Ogged would really desire? Cause if that's the game I think he should be described as seeking an Eastern European under 5'.
How about "Help me stop being a wanker"?
"Song or album" etc. : I hate all pop music, and you better had too.
That'll bring 'em running.
I believe the idea is to produce an ad Ogged would never think to make for himself, and of which he will not approve, with the hopes of attracting female attention a trifling concern next to our own amusement.
Unless we're taking this seriously and I'm reading flippancy where there is none, which seems quite possible. I'm always overestimating the presence schadenfreude.
There is never not flippancy. Well, maybe there is o-flippancy, sometimes.
"the presence *of* schadenfreude"
re 13: I had suspected as much, but it's always nice to have outside confirmation.
BG, this is meant to be a joke, so I want to fill in the blanks with what would maximize hilarity. In some cases, that's being the anti-ogged (I like "persians") and in other cases ("what I'm looking for") it's best just to let the man speak for himself.
"I've been taking a lot of solitary walks on the beach....."
FL--I knew that it was a joke. I just wondered how internally consistent the joke was, but you've answered my question. Inconsistent enough to keep you on your toes.
Fill in the blank:
______ needs to take drugs for premature orgasm
because Ogged is such a _______ lover.
Make of that what you will.
Sweet. If the Gayatollah were leading the charge, I might be pro-theocracy.
Also, somewhere in there should be something about him "making his own furniture" with the IKEA allen wrench.
Profgrrrrl spells her name with four "R"s.
Jeremy Wariner, especially when he sees titties.
Should be "especially when I see titties".
unless OnionOgged always refers to himself in the third person...
Gone two hours and I come back to this? I do a *much* better job of making fun of myself than you sorry lot.
20 -- not if the pronoun refers to Wariner. Ogged always looks like Wariner does when Wariner is looking at titties.
Yes, I meant the ad to say that, at the moment Wariner sees titties, Wariner resembles Ogged. But that doesn't really make sense, so I should change it.
I enjoy grammar correction, collegiality, and the absence of earnestness.
I am loath to e-mail you, for fear of breaking your heart.
But ogged said that he resembled that particular picture of Wariner when he, ogged, sees titties. We don't know what Wariner looks like or does when he, Wariner, sees titties.
Ogged, you are 32?
My whole conception of you is shattered. I thought you were about w-lfs-n's age.
yes, when Wariner wins a race, he looks like ogged when ogged sees titties. Maybe Wariner has the same expression when he sees titties as when he wins a race; we cannot be certain.
But we should not speculate about that. We do know that ogged has seen titties before.
What are five items personals-ogged can't live without? I'm not sure, but maybe some of the following can be a first approximation.
1. Earnest, meaningful music (U2, Coldplay, Caroline, No, etc).
2. Violent bloodsport.
3. My blog.
4. My relationship with my ex. Even though she left me practically at the altar, she's been one of my best friends for the last 540 days.
5. Da Bears.
Shattered, in a good way? I'm in my thirties.
Either ogged should be insulted or I should be flattered.
Problem! The italics don't show up in the ad, so maybe a clarificatory note is in order: "the Beach Boys song "Caroline, No"" or some such.
items personals-ogged can't live without
His liver.
I noticed that Iranian Personals doesn't provide a gay option
You're speculating that Ogged's reluctance to come out is due to a cultural block? Could be.
Cigarettes: Frowned upon
Booze: I'll drink alone, but I don't quite understand the bar concept
Drugs: Do power bars count?
Luckily, those fields only allow for always/sometimes/never.
In fairness, if you take your booze neat and you neither have nor want friends, it makes sense to drink at home and not at a bar.
"Drinking always OK. Drugs always OK".
He wants a live, hoppin' date, not some prude.
personals-ogged
I propose standardizing on p-ogged. Easier to type and you get a bonus reference to Throbbing Gristle (ATM).
hmm... that sounds a bit like pogged, which sounds too much like pogs. how about we call them tiddly-winks instead?
I'm just startled, that's all. I thought for some reason you and w-lfs-n were the same age and younger than me. Now you're my elder. That takes some mental adjustments.
Don't forget this:
it finally occurred to me that the women I'm attracted to are tent-pitching, topo map-reading, dirty, grimy, tromping in the desert and mountains gals. They're not really opposed to heels and makeup and dress-up, but out of their element with those things... There's just one, massive, problem. I friggin' hate roughing it.
Even the commenters are creationists nowadays.
What's weird is that your taste (at least as described in the link by cw ( I don't remember the post; was it before my time?)) mirrors mine, and I run into the same problems. Which is why I wonder if the Match/Nerve/Salon thing isn't doomed - does anyone like that invest the meaning into reading a personal ad that seems required, if only out of respect for the person who spent 56 hours spent crafting it?
That's a little snarky, but I sort of mean it. I mean, isn't the real problem that it's impossible to meet these women because they have full lives, and if you do, they're already married.
I know what you mean, but I've become convinced that it's not so. exbeforelast was online before she got married. Ex is my age, and single, as is Sherry (though neither is, as far as I know, on an online dating site). There are others I know IRL.
That said, I don't yet have a good sense of whether the people on the dating sites are a particular type, or a decent sample of the population at large.
"Too scared to let you know you knew what you were looking for
I lied until I fit the bill God bless the great indoors
I lied about being the outdoor type
I've never owned a sleeping bag let alone a mountain bike
I can't go away with you on a rock climbing weekend
What if somethings on tv and it's never shown again
Its just as well I'm not invited I'm afraid of heights
I lied about being the outdoor type
Never learned to swim can't grow a beard or even fight
I lied about being the outdoor type"
At least you've got the swimming part.
Re: #48.
1. I'm sure you're right. But I saw that fucking stroller comment looking for something else, and it's been lurking in the back of my head for a couple of days. Thanks, ogged.
2. Is there a way have the google search ordered by date?
3. I can't begin to explain Sherry being single, except by pure choice. Or she's got a penis she hasn't mentioned on her blog. But she's got to have guys throwing themselves at her, constantly.
1. The stroller thing is inescapably depressing.
2. Not on a site search, no.
3. That's just it. I think there are more people like that--awesome women who you can't believe are single--than you'd think.
Even the commenters are creationists nowadays.
You're the one who started with the Job routine.
Re: 52
No hidden penis.
The few men who throw themselves at me all manage to miss, alas.
Thx for the lift.