Re: Mixed martial arts is the new swimming.

1

Well, I like MMA just fine. I used to do matwork in my old hapkido class, and appreciate the work on the floor. A classmate of mine used to caress opponents' special bits to unbalance them, then get them in some kind of lock with his feet (I was never any good at those). Fighting him was like full contact gay chicken.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 10:30 PM
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MMA is so South Carolina.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 10:35 PM
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Also, Rampage doesn't seem to be handling losing the title very well.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 10:42 PM
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The very first comment to that article reads dont start making fun of a multi-faceted sport incorporating the most deadly martial arts and highest levels of athleticism—odd, because aside from a little off-color ribbing, the article doesn't make fun at all.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 10:43 PM
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Vox Day gonna getcha. He's the toughest guy in the world. Curb your laughter if you want to stay alive.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 10:46 PM
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You know, your point here would be better understood with photos.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 10:49 PM
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Here ya go, B.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 10:57 PM
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7: Wow. It must've been really hard to keep clicking pause on that one, apo. Good for you!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:01 PM
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||
Remember the wedding portrait of the disfigured Marine and his bride with the deer-in-the-headlights look?

They got divorced.
|>


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:07 PM
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9: That article was more true-to-life than I expected it to be.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:16 PM
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God. That's awfully sad.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:16 PM
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Hilariously, the link in 7 doesn't actually give me any video; just audio.

Okay, now off to read the depressing divorce article.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:29 PM
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9: Wow. That really is just plain sad.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:31 PM
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the link in 7 doesn't actually give me any video

I guess you're just not gay enough.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:33 PM
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10: Agreed. And I don't find it sad, actually.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:39 PM
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14: Either that or firefox is acting like crap again.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:40 PM
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Nope, restarting doesn't help. It must just be my insufficient gayness.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:42 PM
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Works for me in both Firefox and Safari. [shrug]


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:44 PM
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That's because you're gayer than I am. Duh.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-15-08 11:49 PM
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||

Sleuth with Michael Caine and Baron Olivier is awesome.

|>


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 1:05 AM
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I'm with B on this one -- it would be way sadder if they were staying together in spite of how they felt, just to keep from making jms and Stanley sad.

Maybe the interviewer just caught the guy on a perfect dosage day, but he sounds pretty together, all things considered.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 1:39 AM
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Of course, I'm a shitty judge of how together fucked-up people actually are.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 1:41 AM
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Sleuth with Michael Caine and Baron Olivier is awesome.

True, but Sleuth with Michael Caine and Baron Cohen would be better.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 3:40 AM
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Oh god, I saw some 'world extreme cagematch' before the tour de france started the other night. It was so porno. (I know, a double dose of gayness!).


Posted by: spaz | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 4:58 AM
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9: the people in that article sound really healthy and sane. You know, all things considered.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 5:16 AM
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It's from the state of Illinois declaring his wedding a state holiday.

Says the lizardbrain: 'fuck you, state of Illinois.'


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 6:25 AM
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The Out article ruled. Nobody told him about "checking the oil", though? For shame. What cracks me up is the MMA fans who will swear up and down that there is nothing even a little bit gay about watching people fight with BJJ.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 6:44 AM
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26: In other "exploitation of military folks"/Liberal Media news, this galling tidbit emerged from the recent House report on Pat Tillman and Jessica Lynch. (Email exchange between Karl Rove and Ron Fournier - AP Reporter and current Washington Bureau head for AP):

Karl Rove exchanged e-mails about Pat Tillman with Associated Press reporter Ron Fournier, under the subject line "H-E-R-O." In response to Mr. Fournier's e-mail, Mr. Rove asked, "How does our country continue to produce men and women like this," to which Mr. Fournier replied, "The Lord creates men and women like this all over the world. But only the great and free countries allow them to flourish. Keep up the fight."

The fact that Rove was in the middle of the effort to cover-up and exploit the circumstances of Tillman's death lifts this to a class of its own.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 7:29 AM
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"[MMA was] Described memorably by John McCain in 1998 as 'human cockfighting' ..."

Heh.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 7:38 AM
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I've watched a lot of MMA and never noticed even a hint of gayness. Does this mean I'm completely immune to gayness? Or that I just don't watch enough gay pron?* Or What? What's wrong with me?

* To be fair, when I watched that one gay pron wrestling video the Lur once posted here, my first thought was "funny, this looks a lot like an MMA fight". But then they started fucking.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 7:53 AM
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never noticed even a hint of gayness.

Seriously?

Does this mean I'm completely immune to gayness?

Maybe it's more like how fish don't notice water, Brock. You do spend a lot of time here, after all.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:02 AM
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re: 31

Heh at the BJJ illustrations, yeah.

Also (dorkily) -- their boxing and kickboxing illustrations are a bit weird/dubious.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:09 AM
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Sorry, grappling just doesn't strike me as especially gay. Unless it's followed by buttsex.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:09 AM
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I mean, okay--it's two sweaty dudes grinding against one another. So there's that. But they're fighting!


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:11 AM
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33,34: Well of course it's not all going to be up to the standards that you've grown accustomed to Brock.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:14 AM
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Dude, Brock. There's a choke that used to be called the "69". The triangle, one of the first chokes you learn in BJJ, involves wrapping your legs around somebody's head, grabbing their arm, and pulling them towards your crotch. "Checking the oil", that I mentioned above? An unsanctioned (but very effective) move where you distract your opponent by sticking your finger in his ass. I mean it obviously is different from gay sex, but you really don't see even the slightest similarity?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:14 AM
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The Out article is incredibly juvenile and silly. It's as if a zombie watched a team of ER surgeons cutting open a patient and removing his organs and concluded, "Hey! Surgeons are a lot like zombies because they like to rip out people's guts just like we do!" Yes, they do, but for very different reasons.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:16 AM
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34: two sweaty, mostly naked dudes rolling around on the ground, limbs entangled, trying to mount each other, yeah.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:16 AM
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Damn, where can I watch this MMA business? Should I start paying for cable teevee?


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:18 AM
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re: 37

The article might be a bit silly, but it's not as if there isn't thousands of years of precedence for men finding other men fighting each other a bit horny.

Or men finding women fighting each other a bit horny, for that matter.*

* actually, for all X, there's some men that find X horny ... but leave that aside for the moment.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:21 AM
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They've started airing some on CBS.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:22 AM
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40: right, I mean obviously fighting and fucking are different things, but, y'know, the term "an orgy of violence" didn't get coined for nothing.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:24 AM
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Well, kids, the word used for fighting in the Iliad, "mignumi," means "to mix." It is also a word for sexual congress. There's lots of mixing and penetrating bodies in the Iliad.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:28 AM
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An unsanctioned (but very effective) move where you distract your opponent by sticking your finger in his ass. I mean it obviously is different from gay sex, but you really don't see even the slightest similarity?

If you're asking whether I'd try to distract a gay lover by sticking a finger in his ass, the answer is no, I would not.

My point was that they're doing all these things for a reason--they're fighting. And doing whatever is necessary to win. Although I can certainly see why gay men might enjoy watching it--was that the only point?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:28 AM
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Sleuth with Michael Caine and Baron Olivier is awesome.

Correct.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:29 AM
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Although I can certainly see why gay men might enjoy watching it--was that the only point?

Well, yeah. Nobody's trying to claim that the fighters or the fans are gay as a general rule. Just that it's sort of hilarious and funny that the line between ass-kicking ur-het entertainments and actual literal gay porn is becoming so fine.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:32 AM
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If you're asking whether I'd try to distract a gay lover by sticking a finger in his ass, the answer is no, I would not.

"Brock. Brock! I'm still angry that you forgot to take out the garbage! Stop that!"


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:33 AM
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Nobody's trying to claim that the fighters or the fans are gay as a general rule.

Because one of the closeted ones, e.g. Vox Day, will get mad and kill you.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:36 AM
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Here is the true story of a gay MMA fighter who was "outed" by the New York Times. (It sounds like he outed himself to a Times reporter, but whatever.)

The linked blog mentions that MMA is actually "a ridiculously-homophobic industry" and that it may be hard for the guy to get fights now.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:42 AM
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And of course, who can forget this classic video clip?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:45 AM
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The linked blog mentions that MMA is actually "a ridiculously-homophobic industry"

It is indeed. Wonder why!

One of the first season episodes of Queer Eye they madeover these twin brothers who were MMA fighters, who had to get over some heavy-duty homophobia. Watching the homophobes rolling around on the floor together while the gay dudes looked on in amazement was... more than a little funny.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:45 AM
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it may be hard for the guy to get fights now

Couldn't they make the gay guy into a WWF-style villain, like Gorgeous George?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:50 AM
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Why is hatred of gays the only hatred that gets labeled a "phobia"? Is it because "homophobia" sounds catchy with all those o's in there?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:50 AM
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53: because "misohomo" sounds too much like "me so homo" for homophobes.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:52 AM
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"Homophobia" was originally used to refer to men who were uncomfortable AROUND gay men and afraid of what those gay men might do. Now it means people who have any type of prejudice about any kind of non-hetero sexuality. I think this was done in order for prejudiced people to say "I'm not afraid of gay people, I just don't like them!" and think they have made a point.


Posted by: Fatman | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:52 AM
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Yeah, but what about anti-homoism?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:52 AM
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It's as if a zombie watched a team of ER surgeons cutting open a patient and removing his organs and concluded, "Hey! Surgeons are a lot like zombies because they like to rip out people's guts just like we do!" Yes, they do, but for very different reasons.

Very good comparison, actually.

Except instead of regular surgeons it should be people who perform surgery as a hobby. And are mad scientists really that different from zombies?


Posted by: Fatman | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:54 AM
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Why is hatred of gays the only hatred that gets labeled a "phobia"?

Xenophobia?


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:56 AM
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Freshman year of college, we accused a fellow student of being a little homophobic, and he responded, "What? I ain't afraid of no gays."


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:59 AM
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And upon further reflection, Islamophobia.

I am slighted that Muslim-haters are phobic while Jew-haters are merely anti-Semitic. Does no one fear us? Aren't we scary enough, what with controlling the world behind the scenes and all that?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:59 AM
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60: you can insist people use Judeophobia if you'd like.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:06 AM
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Heebophobia.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:09 AM
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I am slighted that Muslim-haters are phobic while Jew-haters are merely anti-Semitic. Does no one fear us? Aren't we scary enough, what with controlling the world behind the scenes and all that?

Alan Dershowitz bloviates at length on this point in his book Chutzpah. His major beef with the word "anti-Semitism" seems to be that it is too readily adopted as a label by people who are not ashamed to hate Jews (the word, he says, was originally coined as a self-descriptor by European racists, and did not necessarily carry a negative connotation until the post-WWII period).

Dershowitz flirts with the idea of replacing "anti-semitism" with "Judeophobia", but ultimately settles on "Judeopathy" (analogous to "psychopathy"), on the theory that anti-Semitism is more characteristic of mental illness than fear.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:10 AM
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Heebophobia.

A justified anticipation to my coming Heebotyranny.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:11 AM
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Oh noes! She's finished therapy, and she's blogging!


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:14 AM
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Blogging about being 200 ft tall and swatting at airplanes like they were mosquitos. And what I had for lunch.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:16 AM
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63: I've had somebody bloviate at length to me about how "anti-semitic" isn't the right term because actually (this is framed as a "gotcha" moment) Ashkenazi jews aren't really semitic at all and (second gotcha moment) Palestinians totally are! He was of the rare and unfortunate species of leftist who's politics grew naturally from his sociopathy and genuine (sure, I'll go with the Dershowitz term) Judeopathy.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:16 AM
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I am slighted that Muslim-haters are phobic while Jew-haters are merely anti-Semitic. Does no one fear us?

Hebephobia was already taken. You could fight someone for it.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:17 AM
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66: Giantess Magazine, the blog.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:18 AM
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66: I think the Boeing 747 is itself about 200 feet long, so it would be more like swatting away vampires.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:22 AM
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I put Bugles corn chips on my finger tips to avoid mashing the keyboard when I type. (Giant Bugle corn chips. Otherwise that wouldn't make any sense.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:23 AM
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I think the Boeing 747 is itself about 200 feet long, so it would be more like swatting away vampires.

I didn't mention that my hands are disproportionately large. They're each like water towers themselves.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:24 AM
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Heebie fear is not a phobia as such, but an archaic term for Heebie worship, like "God-fearing".


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:24 AM
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52: Gorgeous George and Liberace remind me of late spinoffs of Oscar Wilde.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:29 AM
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66: Oh, that was you?


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:29 AM
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Oh my gosh, I'm wearing such a cute dress! And have a very tiny waist. And I've died my hair blond.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:34 AM
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75: say, can heebie buy a print of her portrait for a low, low, price?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:35 AM
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77: Why yes, Sifu. Yes, she can.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:36 AM
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Oh, I wouldn't even know where to go for such a thing. Where does one go?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:38 AM
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One might go here.

Now I feel like a spammer. Anybody need some C/al/s?


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:40 AM
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Nonsense, mcmc. Buying a print from you was the smartest purchase I ever made!


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:42 AM
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81: Some day it will be worth jillions, I'm telling you. Jillions!


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:44 AM
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I don't think it's called spamming when your customers will be so pleased with their product. I think that's called being helpful.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:46 AM
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Anybody need some C/al/s?
What, is there an Ultimate Fighter marathon on Spike?


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:49 AM
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I like this.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:50 AM
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Some day it will be worth jillions, I'm telling you. Jillions!

Sifu, my understanding is that the value of works of art tends to go up upon the death of the artist, particular if the artist dies unexpectedly in some kind of lurid, well-publicized spectacle, if you catch my drift.


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:54 AM
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Anybody need some C/al/s?
What, is there an Ultimate Fighter marathon on Spike?

I know we've been saying MMA's gay, but is C/ial/is really going to give someone the edge?


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:55 AM
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87: It would amp up the "anal penetration distraction gambit", at least.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:56 AM
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Knecht you weirdo. We ninjas have honor. Or wait, we don't have honor, just the opposite, but we only murder on our master's orders. Which master is, in this case, me. And I don't so order. So buy a print yourself, Mr. Assassinate-y.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:56 AM
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86: No worries, I'm already way older than anyone here. Relax Sifu, don't listen to Knecht!


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:57 AM
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87: could be, could be.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:57 AM
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Become a ronin, Sify. the pay is great. I mean, there's a free market for our services, which means the pay should be great, but it isn't. but the deregulation means we can steal from our victims too instead of just killing them.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:57 AM
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92: no, no, you see, I already have my own ninja army. Ronin are nothing but a management headache.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:59 AM
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91: Now I know what they're checking for.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 10:07 AM
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Oh, and 85: Thanks, Brock!


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 10:09 AM
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91: "host of athletes pop Viagra to help onfield performance"

Onfield? Is that what the kids are calling it these days.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 10:09 AM
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I'm pretty sure that your typical homophobia is a lot more about fear than you folks recognize.

Why do you think homophobia is so rampant in MMA? It's because the line between MMA and gay porn is so fine. Those guys are only willing to roll around with each other like that if they're 100% sure the other guy only wants to fuck them figuratively and not literally. I know guys personally who I don't think really dislike gay men, but are still pretty close to terrified at being mistaken for them.


Posted by: mpowell | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 12:35 PM
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Why do you think homophobia is so rampant in MMA? It's because the line between MMA and gay porn is so fine.

Ya think?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 12:43 PM
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Powell, all you have to do is slip a finger up in there and Sifu will shut right up.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 12:45 PM
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For some reason this whole discussion keeps reminding me of this picture.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 12:48 PM
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As perhaps not everyone remembers my saying before, Santorum seems to be the kind of guy who wipes his butt afterwards for three minutes every time, but still constantly worries that he missed some and everyone can tell.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 12:51 PM
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101: Rick Santorum is aware of all restroom traditions.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 1:45 PM
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Being afraid of being mistaken for something is not the same thing as being afraid of that thing itself.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 6:39 PM
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103: homophobes are scared of gay sex, and those who would somehow compel them to have it, or try to, or that they might turn out to like it. Needless to say it isn't necessarily rational.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 6:45 PM
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Pretty damn close. Even if it's purely practical (worry about losing auditions, etc.) it usually effectively spills over into avoidance and dislike. But it's usually not purely practical.

"Homophobia" etymologically means "fear of", but it includes dislike of, aversion to, etc. (A badly coined word, it seems to mean "fear of things like oneself", the opposite of xenophobia.)

I'm not terribly afraid of being mistaken for anything, but I'm flattered at being mistaken for a Jew, which happens, relatively neutral about being mistaken for gay unless physical danger is involved, and quite unwilling to be mistaken for a toothless street person.

I am not afraid of toothless street people, and I dislike them less than most do, but I am not completely toothless-street-person-positive, especially since that one motherfucker burglarized my house.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 6:51 PM
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Being afraid of being mistaken for something is not the same thing as being afraid of that thing itself.

This kinda reminds me of the argument that Arabs can't be anti-Semitic because they too are a Semitic people.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 6:53 PM
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MMA thread! Sweet.

One of our trainers was having us do shrimping exercises at work on Tuesday.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 7:58 PM
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gswift! How's the pig biz? Workin' on the running part of the fitness challenge.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:06 PM
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I highly recommend getting to work out on the clock. They had us doing a three mile run in City Creek Canyon this morning. Started the DT (defensive tactics) and handcuffing this week.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:33 PM
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I predict that this will be a favorite when mixed martial arts rules are amended to permit weapons.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:56 PM
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An umbrella that can do a watermelon could easily do a human head, such as Vince Foster's.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 8:59 PM
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One of our trainers was having us do shrimping exercises at work on Tuesday.
Probably needed the mats cleaned.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:24 PM
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I predict that this will be a favorite when mixed martial arts rules are amended to permit weapons.
You could probably convince some of the Dog Brothers to give it a shot.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:28 PM
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Probably.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 07-16-08 9:33 PM
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