Re: Congratulations!

1

He had this one in the bag since his shock troops seized the Spear of Destiny back in WWII. Congratulations to the new Holy Father!

I believe this pope will ably set the Church against the rising forces of secularism and relativism. And women and heathens and gays.


Posted by: Iron Lungfish | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 5:07 AM
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Not "The Red Cardinal Skull"?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 6:19 AM
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I worry that Pope Palpatine's laser eye beams are not powerful enough to defeat Islamofascism. Also, he flies like a girl.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 6:32 AM
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Isn't that redundant? Doesn't, simply, "Cardinal Skull" adequately convey both his title and characteristic hue?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 6:36 AM
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You are all going to hell. An omniscient God already knows this, but I am temporarily blinding myself while reading and commenting on this post.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 6:39 AM
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Well, LB, I was figuring that "Red" is his first name, and "Skull" is family name. Like if Red Garland were a Cardinal, you wouldn't say "Red Cardinal Garland", even if he did wear lots of red garlands. So, Red Cardinal Skull. The Red Cardinal Skull.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 6:44 AM
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For a moment of seriousness, everyone is talking about Pope Benny as if he were on his deathbed --"transitional", and all that. Now, I haven't got any actuarial tables handy, and I may be overgeneralizing from my family, where the elderly generally have to be hit sharply on the head with shovels to make them lie quietly in their coffins (at my grandmother's funeral, more than one person surreptitiously flipped a clove of garlic into the coffin. She was a piece of work.), but isn't the life expectancy of a healthy, vigorous 78-year-old actually not all that short? With the best medical care in the world, he could go another fifteen years, easy.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 6:46 AM
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I am temporarily blinding myself

The hard way?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 6:56 AM
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Cripes, is there an easy way?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 7:28 AM
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If you don't mind the hair on your palms.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 7:34 AM
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The liner notes to Nick Cave's The Firstborn Is Dead mention the practice of "Knockin' on Joe," in which prisoners temporarily incapacitate themselves to avoid hard labor. One of the techniques IIRC was rubbing semen in your eyes to temporarily blind yourself. Unfortunately the liner notes aren't online, and I think my copy of the album is not merely at home but in Pittsburgh, and I somehow don't feel like Googling "rubbing semen in your eyes" to try to find an alternate citation.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 7:47 AM
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I somehow don't feel like Googling "rubbing semen in your eyes" to try to find an alternate citation.

Lazy scholarship.


Posted by: Kriston | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 7:53 AM
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On a lark I used the MSN Money life expectancy wizard to compute the new Pope's life expectancy.


I guessed at some of the answers, presuming a fairly healthy lifestyle, and the answer for the Pope was a life expectancy of 102 years old!

My God.

I suspect that MSN money is trying to sell something and is projecting some pretty high numbers. Otherwise what could explain that high number?


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 7:53 AM
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Googling wouldn't be the only way to confirm that.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 7:53 AM
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By the way, LB, not so sure about his health.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 8:01 AM
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I do have a question about when the previous Pope died. We were all asked to pray for him. Why, exactly? It seems to me of all the people on earth he was the last person who needed any help getting into heaven. I mean, pray for me. I'm the one who might need a nudge.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 8:02 AM
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I think Alameida was right the first time: Cardinal The Red Skull. I take it that The Red Skull's name isn't actually Red Skull (i.e., Skull, Red), but like The Edge, it's multiword but only one name. Awkward but accurate.


Posted by: Kriston | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 9:06 AM
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Well, that's just affected, then.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 9:15 AM
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Tripp, praying for the Pope is like insurance- it's a favor you can call on later, when you need it. And like the girl in the club behind the velvet rope that gets the bouncer to let you in, he should have some pull behind the Pearly Gates.

But remember, like all Italian strong men, some day, and that day may never come, he'll call upon you to do a service for him.


Posted by: mike d | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 9:36 AM
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Jeez, people. The Red Skull.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 9:51 AM
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you know, those seem like odd comments to come from a brother. I don't have a brother, but, if I did, and I were expected Pope, I'd hope he wasn't such a downer. I suppose this could indicate some intra-family theological disputes.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 9:56 AM
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I don't care if his skull is really red. It's still an affectation to adopt an atomic name.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 10:54 AM
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23

Watch it.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 10:56 AM
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Because whatever one may say about Nazi supervillains, heaven forfend they should be affected.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 10:56 AM
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It says on the Marvel page that at some point The Red Skull was the director of a "Nevada-based fragment of HYDRA." Doesn't that sound so New Economy?


Posted by: Kriston | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 11:10 AM
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Look, LizardBreath, if you've already got one big problem, you may as well not adopt an easily avoidable little problem, too.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 11:12 AM
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Because whatever one may say about Nazi supervillains, heaven forfend they should be affected.

That is most definitely a comment that would never be heard outside the hallowed halls of Frathaus.


Posted by: Walter Sobchak | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 11:20 AM
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Set-up for Walter:

At least he's not a nihilist.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 11:21 AM
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Nihilists? Fuck me! I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude - at least it's an ethos!


Posted by: Walter Sobchak | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 11:24 AM
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Would it be wrong to refer to the new pontiff as "Benny the Rat"?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 12:11 PM
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mike d,

Tripp, praying for the Pope is like insurance

Oh. Tit for tat.

I just hope praying for the pope doesn't offend my god.

Decisions decisions.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 1:25 PM
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I don't mind, Tripp.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04-20-05 1:27 PM
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ben,

Good one!

I called your name last night.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 04-21-05 7:20 AM
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