Re: Thursday Morning Mystery

1

Oh. Oh my god.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:20 AM
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2

Did anyone humiliate anyone else with his or her tongue?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:27 AM
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3

Yes?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate's god | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:28 AM
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4

"Humiliate" is such a strong word.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:30 AM
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Could I jump in with a guess here? One of them had a dark secret which s/he was nervous the others would ask about, so was acting edgy and not speaking much. S/he proceeded to get blindingly drunk and unburden him/herself of his/her secret to the rest of the crowd, then went home and fell into a fitful sleep. Woke up this morning and could not look in the mirror.


Posted by: The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:30 AM
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Also, I'd like the record to reflect that while Jackmormon's tongue may be *slightly* longer than mine, and although the consensus may be that she could beat me up, I can totally wiggle my ear, as confirmed by the bald lurker.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:33 AM
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7

Well, I hope you all enjoyed yourselves.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:33 AM
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8

Was the abalone tasty?


Posted by: greg | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:34 AM
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9

I kept a straight face through that right up to "Maybe a raccoon on my birthday." Then I lost it.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:35 AM
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10
others assert that the orifice in question is not yours or mine or anyone's in particular, but rather the universal anus

Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:36 AM
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11

Tia, you make it sound like you have only one ear.

I have this power as well. It has almost never been useful.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:36 AM
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12

I'm reluctant to make this genetic abnormality part of the official arcana, but really, Tia, "slightly"?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:37 AM
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13

I can only wiggle one of them. And excuse me, after last night, I'm just trying to salvage what's left of my pride out of the rubble of my soul.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:39 AM
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14

I *knew* I should have made the trip.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:40 AM
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15

Cross-posted: I don't think we suffficiently examined the possibility that you have a smaller nose, and indeed a smaller face, conferring on you an advantage unrelated to raw tongue size. I have a huge face. My tongue has to bridge canyons.

And you were never persecuted for your tongue size. No one ever made you wear spikes in your mouth.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:41 AM
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16

No one ever made you wear spikes in your mouth.

Umm, what?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:42 AM
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17

Apo, there are certain details only people who come to the meetups get to know.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:43 AM
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18

Tongue crib.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:44 AM
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19

I totally concede the point, though, that while I maybe could beat you up, it's far more likely that you would (or even should) beat me up.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:44 AM
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20

would (or even should)

Must! Must!


Posted by: The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:46 AM
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21

Hey LB totally out back-pocketed Apo, there.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:46 AM
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22

Tongue crib.

Huh. Now that I've googled it, I understand, but I had no idea such things existed.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:47 AM
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23

out back-pocketed

This seems like something that should properly refer to a kangaroo.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:48 AM
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24

21: I started to write "and that's not a euphemism," but you know what? It is a euphemism.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:48 AM
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25

And I think that the general consensus was that described "shy lurker" bald Chris should comment more often.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:49 AM
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26

All I remember is a surprisingly high level of gentility.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:51 AM
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27

Were there no jews then?


Posted by: The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:52 AM
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28

There was Jack -- she's no gentile.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:53 AM
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29

We did talk a lot about religion, another thing I'd never thought would come up.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:53 AM
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30

Tribe of Ephraim, baby!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:54 AM
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31

We did talk a lot about religion, another thing I'd never thought would come up.

See, this is one of the things I didn't remember that Becks was referring to in her post, though now that you mention it, I do. I was drunk very early in the evening, because even though I got their first, no one else noticed me as they came in, and they all went back to a booth in back. I had 40 minutes to sit by myself and drink before I started wandering around forlornly and Becks recognized me. I was sober later, though, reversing the usual order of things.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:57 AM
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32

Were there no jews then?

Just w-lfs-n and a bunch of Mexicans.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:57 AM
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33

Oh, we should tell of how w-lfs-n obessively rearranged the table dressings and the salt and pepper shakers, prompting much mirth.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:01 AM
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34

Once I and another person with similar inclinations were preparing the reception to follow a speaker's talk at the phil dept, and we arranged everything very elaborately. I arranged a bowl of cherries into those whose stems had fallen off and those whose hadn't, and arranged the latter group in a ring around the edge of the bowl with all the stems pointing up, and the former group into a pyramid in the center.

Then the dept. head came in and completely ignored it, preferring to just grab a handful and upset all my work.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:03 AM
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35

Were you able to escape your knowledge of self in the cherries?


Posted by: The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:08 AM
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36

w-lfs-n's other blog.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:09 AM
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37

I am not, in point of fact, bald.


Posted by: Chris | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:17 AM
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38

I was very proud of the fact that when Tia brought up the garden of Eden in conversation, I was able to whip a copy of Xenophon's Anabasis out of my pocket so that we could make easy reference to the map in the back.


Posted by: Chris | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:20 AM
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39

37 is correct. I noticed follicles. Chris has shaven his head out of choice, not necessity.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:20 AM
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40

Chris, you've got to take it up with gg-d; facts are only for the disobediant!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:23 AM
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41

Bald

Does it say anything there about necessity?


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:24 AM
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42

this is one of the things I didn't remember that Becks was referring to in her post

So there's a real post somewhere?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:29 AM
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43

One day she's feigning ignorance of meta-ethics; the next she's quibbling about modality. Oi.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:32 AM
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44

Nah, that's clearly the Humean sense of 'necessity' in which it's opposed to liberty.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:33 AM
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45

So there's a real post somewhere?

Your mom has a real post somewhere.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:41 AM
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46

I don't know about anyone else, but I just assumed bald referred to an arresting and unmediated candor, as a personal style.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:41 AM
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47

So, in other words, Becks wrote a write-up which the main page posters can read in draft form but you can't all agree on how to summarize certain events?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:42 AM
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48

I thought it meant his head was covered with white feathers, as per definition 4. I'm having a hard time expressing how disappointed I am.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:43 AM
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49

Oh, nothing like that. I just emailed her to ask if she was doing a meetup post, and we both agreed that our recollection of events was fuzzy enough that we wouldn't do it well, so we'd just invite people to comment.

I now have to go back to reading the Wikipedia page on symbolic logic in a vain quest to make a joke in response to 43.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:45 AM
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50

Obviously, the onus is on Ben to do a meetup post, since he's the one who, you know, met the most new people.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:47 AM
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51

Now, 20 is quibbling about modality.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:48 AM
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52

We did discuss the grooming of pubic hair as well, so it's not as if we've exhausted the possible meanings of "bald." I like the idea of growing white feathers on my head, though.


Posted by: Chris | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:49 AM
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53

When not rearranging salt and pepper shakers, Ben w-lfs-n does indeed frequently sit in this pose.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:50 AM
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54

52: White feathers down there would be pretty.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:53 AM
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55

Joe Drymala won the meetup with the most amusing story of the night, which I will not repeat out of tact and discretion for the parties involved. And because the fact I was amused would reveal me to have a very crass sense of humor.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:57 AM
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56

If it's the one I'm thinking of, Becks, I thought it was funny, and I have a famously delicate and refined sense of humor.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 9:58 AM
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57

Oh hey, I just remembered something else that happened: I got disabused of my apparently mistaken notion that the Axe ads with all the plastic cups were referring to oral sex. It was painful too, because the conclusion that they were about oral sex was arrived at after months of pondering, and I was proud of myself when I'd thought I'd figured it out.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:00 AM
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58

Good. I hate crass humor.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:01 AM
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59

Well, I'm just as priggish as can be, but I laughed too.


Posted by: Chris | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:01 AM
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60

Why all the secrecy? I remember much talk, and laughing, but if someone was to gently remind me of the content of Joe's hilarious story, I'd enjoy a nice little refried chuckle today.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:02 AM
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61

Yeah please unburden yerselves. Alter names and googleproof as necessary.


Posted by: The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:04 AM
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62

Oh, Tia, the look on everyone's faces when you said "spit cups" made me really happy. It also may have made you the most popular girl in the world.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:04 AM
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63

It was about a non-Unfogged person, whose innocence should be protected!


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:04 AM
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64

I might have been more popular had I not indicated, by implication, that I could conceive of doing anything other than swallowing. Joe made me feel guilty when he turned to me and asked, "Who spits?" He's a better man than I.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:07 AM
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65

AWB, as a reminder, it was about my significant other, and visits to the spa.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:10 AM
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66

64: Is this some vegan thing?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:11 AM
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67

Alright, I'll just come out and say it: I've been so cursed that if I swallow your essence I'll also steal your life force. It's for your own good, world!


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:14 AM
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68

Ah, yes.

66: It depends which animal you're expressing kindness to, the little guys or the host.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:14 AM
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69

The most least interesting part of the evening was when Ben made a Meinong "joke " and then said "no one got that." How can one be properly taught the theory of definite descriptions without having at least heard of Meinong, who, as I was taught at least, had the previous theory in the area.

My plan to trick non-attendees into thinking the get together was boring is foolproof.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:24 AM
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70

So General Ripper's error:

"I do not avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence," was in assuming that all women, or women in general, possessed this power, when in fact only a few do? He certainly seems to have confused essence and life force as categories. And I can see that, even though I lack the time, training or inclination for strategic thought.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:24 AM
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71

Hey I found a joke you guys should appreciate.


Posted by: The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 10:52 AM
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72

Tia, doing research counts as too much effort. The funny thing is that you might discover that I rarely know what I'm talking about.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 11:05 AM
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73

w/d: mostly I thought no one heard it.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 11:18 AM
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74

...over all those loud and screechy girls.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 11:22 AM
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75

mostly I thought no one heard it

...and that all those girls in high school were probably just lesbians.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 11:26 AM
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76

I guess I had to get my coochie waxed on that day of class.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 11:35 AM
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77

w-lfs-n looks awfully familiar in that photo linked above.


Posted by: Matt McGrattan | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 11:52 AM
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78

so, 76, what?


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 12:14 PM
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79

We did some personal grooming at the meetup last night, MW.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 1:12 PM
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80

Question for anyone familiar: what are the differences between blogspot and typepad, and what are the merits and drawbacks of each?


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 2:03 PM
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Blogspot is free but frequently annoying. Typepad is not free but will give you far fewer headaches. For basic blogging, I see it a time vs. money tradeoff.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 2:10 PM
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82

Also, for roughly the same price as TypePad, you can just get your own domain and use whatever content management software you desire.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 2:12 PM
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83

WordPress is said to be another option for those who don't...


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 2:16 PM
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84

Cool. Thanks, guys.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 2:16 PM
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85

Blogspot goes offline without warning, offers crappy tech support, and has awful comments architecture. But it is free. And very easy.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 2:17 PM
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86

Back in the day when i had a blogette going i fell in love with expression engine. Still use it as a matter of fact.


Posted by: Austro | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 2:18 PM
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87

ben w-lfs-n, you sir are a liar! Someone's getting a "Mission Accomplished" banner for his birthday.


Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 4:04 PM
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88

Just don't meet at the place down the street where they serve barleywine by the pint...


Posted by: Scott Lemieux | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 4:56 PM
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89

It's easy enough to code Haloscan into your Blogspot if you don't want their stupid comments feature. If I were smarter and more hands-on, I'd want a Wordpress account since those are the loveliest blogs and mine is kind of Walmarty, but I've run four blogs on Blogspot in the past few years and have never had much difficulty with them.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 6:21 PM
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90

Here it is, the comment ten hours in the making:

P: Chris can grow hair on his head

Q: Chris chooses to shave his head

R: Chris has white feathers on his head

A: Chris can grow pubic hair

B: Chris chooses to shave his pubes

C: Chis has white feathers on his crotch

(¬ P V Q V R) V (¬ A V B V C) → BALD

∴ P → ¬ □ ¬ BALD


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 7:55 PM
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No, Scott, you don't understand.

There is a grad student at Stanford named "Ben w-lfs-n", but (a) I am not he and (b) that's a pseudonym too.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:04 PM
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Then how come when I send email to his address you answer? Admit it! You two are in cahoots. He does the hair, you write the papers; together, "ben w-lfs-n" gets tenure at a top tier program. You are so busted. Or will be, if you don't tithe me, um, ten percent of your your earnings.


Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:19 PM
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93

He or she sends them on to me.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:23 PM
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94

Tia, excellent work. A++. I'm tempted to send you my midterm. Actually, I'm double-plus tempted to send you the ones I have to grade.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 03-30-06 8:37 PM
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95

Ben: I hope that's you in that shot, because I really wanted to say... nice shirt.

Also: Our kids would have the best hair.


Posted by: girl27 | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 12:24 AM
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96

Joe: I haven't been using it long, but I like WordPress.


Posted by: girl27 | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 12:27 AM
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97

POBISSIBIBLE WOBIRLDS stole my lunchmonkey


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 12:45 AM
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98

Re 90. I'm very flattered. No one ever spent 10 hours on anything even remotely related to my crotch before, even as a joke, even on my honeymoon. This really is (necessarily) the best of all possible worlds.

The Joe-story that Must Not Be Told reminded me of this, but I didn't mention it because it's hard to slip a hyperlink gracefully into actual conversation. (Silly actual conversation! No wonder you're obsolete.)


Posted by: Chris | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 7:21 AM
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99

I didn't actually spend ten hours on it. It was probably more like 35 minutes.

(Women. We build you up only to knock you down.)

And hey, I got an A from Weiner! Labs told me I was trying too hard, but that's just cuz he's jealous. Did he get an A from Weiner?


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 7:27 AM
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100

I believe this is the highest grade ever given to a comment.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 7:36 AM
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101

The main thing that happened at the meetup is obviously that everyone agreed to torture the rest of us by pretending something happened. Then they all sat around and stared at each other in awkward silence for about an hour or so until someone said, "well, I really have to go..." and everyone else said, "yeah, me too!" and they all skedaddled.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 7:43 AM
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102

I've moved on to wondering how the Mongolian Rally benefit was, and whether LB actually sang.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 7:52 AM
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103

See the top of the page. "Sang" is a tricky question -- I certainly held a microphone and made vocal noises, but I don't believe that an objective observer would have described what I did as singing.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 7:53 AM
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104

I believe this is the highest grade ever given to a comment.

Does A++++ count as more than one hojillion points?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 8:04 AM
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105

Category error.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 8:31 AM
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106

I think not.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 8:34 AM
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107

I did get something very special from Weiner, Tia, namely, some attention to my post, which was cruelly pushed down the page by you and everyone else. I'm very, very bitter about this.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 8:37 AM
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108

La la la la I can't hear you!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 8:55 AM
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109

107: "Weiner, Tia," s/b "Tia's weiner"


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-31-06 9:00 AM
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110

I swear I wrote a response to 87 almost immediately after it was posted. That missing comment said: Without denying the existence of Ben's pathological lying problem, I don't see any evidence of it in this comment thread, or any website one would reach by clicking a link embedded in a comment in this thread.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 1:01 PM
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111

Since I've already put this post back on the sidebar of the frontpage, rather than e-mailing Tia I'm going to put a vague comment here. Something which I predicted would happen, while talking to you in person, did happen. I'm fairly certain that, assuming you know what I'm talking about, you knew it happened before I did. I can't remember if you disagreed with me that it was going to happen.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 1:24 PM
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112

111 -- you got a stiffie?


Posted by: Teh Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 1:25 PM
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113

(That is to say, one prominent enough for your interlocutor to notice it?)


Posted by: Teh Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 1:26 PM
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114

w/d I'm not sure I noticed. I thought something maybe happened earlier today, but I don't remember you predicting that thing (or any other) in person.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:07 PM
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115

(What I thought happened involved a stairwell)


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:11 PM
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116

Apparently, I'm not good at this.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:14 PM
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117

I thought the prediction involved something that somebody wrote.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:17 PM
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118

Becks is right. I was in the process of e-mailing you.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:21 PM
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119

Dammit, I meant not to confirm or deny anything once TMK made his guess, but I promptly forgot that "rule".


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:27 PM
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120

Oh, does this prediction involve someone getting a better offer? I knew about that.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:29 PM
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121

Tia gave someone a stiffie in a stairwell, but then he got a better offer?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:36 PM
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122

Well, I could hardly blame him for leaving me in the lurch; some frottage in a stairwell doesn't count as a commitment in this day and age, you know.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 2:43 PM
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123

Now that what I was failing to coyly allude to this time has been cleared up, does "stairwell" refer to what I failed to allude to last time? If so, I missed it, but it's possible.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 3:04 PM
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124

Yes, "stairwell" refers to what you failed to allude to last time.


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 6-06 3:14 PM
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