Re: Perspective

1

So he wanted his nail polish to dry, what's wrong with that?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:10 PM
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did they have curlers in?


Posted by: Austro | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:15 PM
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I'm kind of curious as to where you were when you saw this.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:18 PM
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Didn't you know? Ogged works in a nursing home.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:19 PM
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Locker room at the place where I swim.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:19 PM
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I wept because I had no shoes, till I saw a man who had damp feet.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:23 PM
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old men in locker rooms are magnificent. They weild their bodies as schadenfreude weaponry.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:25 PM
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LB, he might have been muttering that under his breath.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:27 PM
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In the locker room at my gym, each morning, there is a man who shaves his grundle region at the sink.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:29 PM
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10

or is that "grundel" -- bw?


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:30 PM
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That is as creepy and gross an image as I think you've previously managed. Thanks, ogged.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:30 PM
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Does no one say "perineum" anymore?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:30 PM
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I think grundel because it resembles more a monster from the 5th century, which is, of course, what it looks like as well.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:31 PM
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I say perineum as well. But I wish it were pronounced per-i'-ne-um, instead of per-i-ne'-um.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:32 PM
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there is a man who shaves his grundle region at the sink

Dinner's on me if you can startle him enough to draw blood.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:35 PM
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There was a prof at my college who, wilst in the school gym's very public locker room shower, post-workout would turn the water to cold, bend over, spread his asscheeks, and get the spread area directly into the stream of the shower, then huff in a way that I can only described as shocked delight.

It made it very difficult to take a class with him after you'd witnessed this behavior.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:37 PM
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17

that's wrong.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:37 PM
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urbandictionary recognizes "grundle", and I suspect that's the relevant authority.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:37 PM
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19

per-i'-ne-um makes it sound a bit too much like a sort of flower, no?


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:38 PM
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20

And I prefer 'taint' as a descriptor for the relevant area.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:39 PM
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ok, I was about to qualify that 17 was to 15, but, hell, it applies to 16, too.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:39 PM
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On the contrary, you have described an enlightened man, Chops.

I will try that soon.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:39 PM
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per-i'-ne-um makes it sound a bit too much like a sort of flower, no?

And this is inappropriate?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:40 PM
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24

now this thread is more like it!


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:40 PM
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I'm so sorry I posted this.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:40 PM
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26

What is wrong with you people?


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:40 PM
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27

What I haven't described is how the man balances his heel high up on the sink counter so that he can better bury his head in the perineum and perform his delicate work.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:42 PM
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After 16, I'm simply going to have to stop reading this thread.

I've never seen anyone do anything remotely as bad as any of this (well, I haven't seen toe-blow-drying, but that wouldn't bother me) in a women's locker room. Shaving your genitalia? In public? All women do is change, shower, and fix our makeup and hair. Some of the less well kept among us skip the last step.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:42 PM
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What I haven't described is...

Weiner!


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:43 PM
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What I haven't described is how the man balances his heel high up on the sink counter so that he can better bury his head in the perineum and perform his delicate work.

Flexible! Bet the shaving's just a pretext for some other activity down there.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:43 PM
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31

Or is he simply advertising? Text, I think you need to make a pass at him to gauge his reaction.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:45 PM
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32

it is a selfless feat, though not for the benefit of others.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:45 PM
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33

I am afraid that reaction would be positive. He is a large man, and by the looks of him, given to enthusiastic responses.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:46 PM
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34

Bet the shaving's just a pretext for some other activity down there.

Thankfully, this isn't the "let your imagination run wild" thread.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:47 PM
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35

I will try that soon.

Well it certainly had a way of getting the guy as much space as he could possibly want.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:52 PM
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Getting the sound right may be difficult but I will work at it. Maybe it will be a natural reaction.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 1:55 PM
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Chopper, your 16 gave me a total laughter buzz. I feel great. (Though not as great as that professor, I'm sure.) "Shocked delight" is very mot-juste!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 2:05 PM
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re 16: Chopper, did I go to that school? I saw this in the locker room a few times.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 2:19 PM
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Wait. So are we conceding the "blow drying your nutz" argument, or can I get a witness that (1) it happens and (2) it's worse than anything related to one's toes? Shave anything you want, but goddammit, man, I have to use that dryer too!


Posted by: diddy | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 3:04 PM
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FL: It was Macalester college in St. Paul. You tell me.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 3:08 PM
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If you want to tell me privately, my e-mail address is geof at visi dot com.

I'm class of 95. I will laugh my ass off if we have met.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 3:19 PM
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diddy I think you've confounded several of our sordid tales into one mega-tale. Good for you. I concede.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 3:23 PM
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All women do is change, shower, and fix our makeup and hair. Some of the less well kept among us skip the last step.

Especially if we suspect some guy's been drying his balls with the hairdryer in our locker room...


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 3:44 PM
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44

I would expect more locker room shenanigans from you, DE.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 3:57 PM
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45

Yeah, DE's a big talker. I was in L.A. and did she email to say, "Hey, Ogged, you poor poor boy, come over for a nooner"?

No, she did not.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:02 PM
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46

I can't even begin to imagine you doing anything other than squeeking in panic if she had done so.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:05 PM
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47

I, sir, never squeek.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:16 PM
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48

Whimper?

Get a case of the vapors?


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:22 PM
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49

I think you're looking for "hang up with a high-minded demurral about fallen women and the decadence of the West".


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:27 PM
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50

Prig?


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:30 PM
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51

What about him?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:32 PM
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52

How does one hang up on an e-mail?


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:38 PM
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53

Shit.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:39 PM
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54

Ogged would find a way.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:45 PM
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Ogged: Ha! Did you try to woo me with promises of hot Persian passion? Did you liken my charms to a gazelle, my eyes to a dove's? Did you offer to sing to me in the wilderness? Or even Culver City? No, you did not. A girl needs some expression of mad desire before she sends a booty email. Sheesh!

Text: [Is there a Subtext?] In the locker room of my former [and exceeding trendy] gym, there was nothing truly interesting to do, other than observe how many women had had boob jobs. And occasionally shower next to Princess Stephanie of Monaco.

I will go on record as admitting I've never had sex in a gym, nor have I ever shaved my pink parts in the women's locker room. Or the men's.

But I have had sex on Clare College bridge in Cambridge. Where it's green.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 4:56 PM
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my charms to a gazelle, my eyes to a dove

Is that backwards? Dove's eyes?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 5:03 PM
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More importantly, it's faulty parallelism: "Did you liken my charms to a gazelle, my eyes to a dove's?"


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 5:06 PM
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Ye gods, w-lfs-n, go get laid. 'Tain't a gazelle's charms, just the bloody metaphorical gazelle. Implied is 'my eyes to a dove's eyes', rendering the construct parallel.

Ogged: Classical allusion, that dove's eyes thing. Also the gazelle thing. Do no one read anymore??

No wonder there's so much freakin' Western decadence, what with TV and iPods and the internets and no one ever reading a fucking book of poetry.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 5:18 PM
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I could see comparing you to a gazelle, but your charms to a (single) gazelle, and not aspects thereof, threw me.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 5:37 PM
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60

I've heard the gazelle thing, but not about dove's eyes. Ah well, sounds like really cheesy poetry.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 5:53 PM
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Yeah, that Song of Songs really cheeses it up.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 5:58 PM
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62

You ain't kidding, brother.

Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast
doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.

Consider that Budweiser is more likely to get you laid.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:03 PM
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63

Why are you so filled with hate, w-lfs-n? And I would have thought there would be no wooing or charm involved in a relationship with a DominEditrix. I mean, she shouldn't be asking you to come by for a booty call, she should be telling you to do so, shouldn't she? (I admit my understanding of S&M is effectively nil, though I believe the end of at least one long relationship qualified.)


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:05 PM
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64

Why are you so filled with hate, w-lfs-n?

What in the world are you talking about?

"My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me. I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, upon the handles of the bolt."—can you say that's not pretty awesome?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:12 PM
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65

I read "dripped" and I reach for an anti-bacterial, but I don't hold liking it against you.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:16 PM
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66

This from the guy who likes facials.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:22 PM
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Hey - some of us had Song of Songs read at our weddings, and were quite quite thankful for it given the other choices recommended by actual religous professional staff people. So lay off the gazelle, ok?


Posted by: benton | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:22 PM
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OK, I'm not sure that I can ascribe this to the presentation you make of your online persona, but...when I read, "My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me," the image conjured up was of w-lfs-n opening a covering to the cavity of someone's chest (e.g., Restoration) and pulling out the heart.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:23 PM
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69

Think that says more about you than about me, Tim.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:24 PM
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I like the belly/navel bits: "his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires" & "Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies."


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:27 PM
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Why do you think facials and "drip" belong in the same category? Such a young man, too...


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:29 PM
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72

Wait, that kind of facial? I think I'm too delicate to be on this thread...


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:35 PM
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73

1. Oh, I agree, w-lfs-n, I agree.

2. This blog and its comment section are such treasures, in no small part because of the misapplication of a fair bit of education and intelligence to silly, low, and base subjects. And I love them all. So it's wierd to realize (or perhaps just believe) that if the post linked in #66 had been my first exposure to Unfogged, I'd probably have fled immediately. So today I learn that ogged is old and I'm a real prude.

I should note, ogged, that I am now hardened, and flooding the zone with such posts will no longer deter me.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:36 PM
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Hey, that was a good post, tastefully done, with good comments. I probably couldn't do a post like that now, because everyone would think it was just an invitation to make crude jokes.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:39 PM
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Re: 63: Tim: DominEditrices require careful wooing, usually involving correct use of the word "yclept". [Never, by the way, in the form of 'I are a miserable worm, Mistress, unable to parse a sentence'.] We have it on good authority that we are charming [i.e., from someone not trying to get into our knickers]. We do not bark commands, but issue them quietly with a blue pencil. We haven't drawn blood in a fortnight. The practice of Simile & Metaphor is sophisticated...

Re: 61

Were it not all too Demi-and-Ashton, not to mention incestuous, I'd propose to you, young Ben.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:41 PM
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76

We haven't drawn blood in a fortnight.

Nor will till a a fortnight hence.

"Yclept" is a great word, but I have to admit a fondness for "hight".

(As for your proposal—I'm blushing.)


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:48 PM
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We haven't drawn blood in a fortnight.

That reminds me of a girl I knew in college one of whose many complaints about a guy she was sort of seeing was that he "bruised too easily."

I don't know how to punctuate that sentence.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 6:49 PM
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I dunno, ogged. I've seen my share of porn, but facials, except in jokes, are strangely troubling. It could be that good comments to that post are themselves troubling, in that comparison of those responses to my own reaction demonstrates conclusively that I am a prude.

It took me a long while to sort out that women like sex, too, and that I didn't have to somehow trick them into it; apparently that hard-won knowledge is not quite bone deep.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:03 PM
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I really don't think I can discuss facials (read the comments on that post with a frown, perking up more at the fleeting mention of something else on there), but, er, I was sort of asking on my blog the other day whether porn heavily, directly influences the sex you want to have in real life, or is it a separate phenomenon?


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:08 PM
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I was thinking about linking to that post. It's a complicated question. There are some things I've seen in porn that made me think "that seems interesting," but more often I think "there are some sick people in the world." So I guess it can be suggestive, but I'm not sure how much it determines taste.

Ok, what perked you up?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:18 PM
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81

The vice anglais.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:22 PM
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82

But actually I dated a British guy last year who had a spanking thing and it didn't work so well. Perhaps it's just in theory. As with many things. Part of why I asked.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:25 PM
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Interesting. I have no spanking thing, so it seems pretty artificial to me, and if I'd spanked any of my girlfriends, I would have been killed on the spot. More on point: I don't think any amount of spanking porn would make it interesting for me.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:33 PM
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84

I have the strangest feeling, like I'm watching a train wreck in slow motion.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:41 PM
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85

Is that a turn-on?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:43 PM
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86

Are the trains entering a tunnel set in a mossy, dark mountain?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:52 PM
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87

Have you been raiding my porn collection again?


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:53 PM
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88

what, is no one going to go for the "i am now hardened" thing?

unfogged is where i come for the cock jokes. you guys disappoint me.


Posted by: silvana | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 7:53 PM
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89

Sil, when SCMT says "I am hardened," that is the cock joke.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:03 PM
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90

I think you're confusing "a cock joke" with "a cock's joke," ogged.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:06 PM
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91

Me and my big cock.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:10 PM
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92

That's the real reason for the pleats, right?


Posted by: profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:33 PM
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93

You're feelin' me.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:36 PM
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94

Ugh. I just went back and read through all of these comments. I kinda wish I hadn't.


Posted by: profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:38 PM
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95

Yeah, I'm not completely over the "dove's eyes in her hair" thing either.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:40 PM
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96

I reach for an anti-bacterial, but I don't hold liking it against you.

He does, however, like holding it against you.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 8:53 PM
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97

Me and my big cock.

Your big EMO cock. Did I ever mention that I think you should call it Bright Eye (real name: Conor O'Burst)?


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:02 PM
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98

Damn it, Mills. *I* remembered that, but I was hoping no one else would. You haven't commented in ages, and you show up now? (And I ask you again, howcome you're not in Greece already?)

Holy crap, that's his real name!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:06 PM
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If you rename your emo cock Conor O'Burst, teenage girls would line up to see it perform.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:11 PM
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100

And then, jail.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:12 PM
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101

At which point another name change would behoove you.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:15 PM
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102

Speakin of Mr. whiny-emo-rocker himself, have y'all seen the Leno performance?


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:21 PM
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103

Wait, am I supposed to have heard of this guy?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:23 PM
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When before did you ask me why I wasn't in Greece already? (Geez, I didn't realize it was so important to you).

The answer: the fiancee is doing an LLM (Masters in Law) and won't be finished till later this week. Then she'll spend the next couple months studying for the NY Bar Exam and take it at the end of July. After that we'll remain here in NYC for at least two more months while she does an internship with the International Center for Transitional Justice. Then we'll decide if we want to stay or head to Greece. Or elsewhere in the EU, maybe Scotland or Italy. There's even a (slight) chance we'll move to Austin for a while.

As for not commenting much, I truly miss having the time (and computer connection) to be able to participate in Unfogged. But I recently started a new job / career, during which I don't sit at a computer (or sit much at all, really) and so I rarely have much time online to even read through all the comments, much less make many of my own. And usually by the time I get to a thread, the party's over.


Posted by: Mitch M | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:26 PM
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Wait, am I supposed to have heard of this guy?

Only if you've paid the slightest attention to the music scene in the past few years. I don't fault you if you haven't.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:29 PM
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106

Got it. Well, good luck, wherever you end up. Those all sound like good options.

I asked here.

Do you really work for them? That seems awesome. Don't get sick of yummy stuff!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:31 PM
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Ah, now I see. But it demonstrates my point about not being able to keep up.

And yep, I work for them. And mostly it's awesome. It sure doesn't pay anywhere near as well as lawyering, but I'm much happier at the end of the day.


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:42 PM
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Oh wow, I assumed you were in-house counsel (and I was trying to make sense of the not-sitting). Congratulations on the switch; that's tough, and takes some courage.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-10-05 9:44 PM
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It sure doesn't pay anywhere near as well as lawyering, but I'm much happier at the end of the day.

Funny how that works out, isn't it?

I loved law; it was the clients I hated...


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 2:24 AM
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110

It took me a long while to sort out that women like sex, too, and that I didn't have to somehow trick them into it

Tim: It's housework you have to trick us into. Or you have to resort to a professional. We prefer the latter.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 2:29 AM
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I was sort of asking on my blog the other day whether porn heavily, directly influences the sex you want to have in real life, or is it a separate phenomenon?

I'd say the sex I have in real life directly influences the kind of porn I want to read. [I'm not a big fan of films; they usually bore me silly unless they're well-acted and witty - words seldom associated with porn.] By now, I know what turns me on and what doesn't, and my library reflects that.

I suspect that most people have fantasies/turn-ons that are better kept in the realm of unreality. The logistics and gymnastics involved are frequently too convoluted, and the emotions and reactions often too unpredictable. Learning the difference between what is good in one's imagination and what works in one's reality is A Good Thing. [One wonders what Martha's favourite fantasy is...]


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 3:02 AM
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Only if you've paid the slightest attention to the music scene in the past few years. I don't fault you if you haven't.

Attention to the whiny, crappy music scene, that is.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 7:15 AM
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It's housework you have to trick us into.

I dunno. I've found that just caring less (a lot less) works pretty well--the housework just seems to happen.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 7:31 AM
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114

Attention to the whiny, crappy music scene, that is.

I enjoyed the album that first brought him to attention outside of Omaha--even went to see him play a local bar. Then his schtick got really, really, old.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 7:32 AM
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115

his schtick got really, really, old = teenage girls like him


Posted by: joe o | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 9:33 AM
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Re: 109

That's exactly how I felt about art school. Although I gues it was the art students, not the clients....


Posted by: benton | Link to this comment | 05-11-05 9:36 AM
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I loved law; it was the clients I hated...

That could be an interesting thread:

"I loved art school, it was the art students I hated."

"I love reggae, it's the (white) reggae fans I hate."

"I love peace, it's the dirty hippies I hate."

etc. etc. etc.


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 05-13-05 11:40 PM
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I love commenting, it's the snark and dick jokes that I hate.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 05-13-05 11:50 PM
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Suppose a comment has some fruit hanging in it somewhere. How low must the fruit hang for it to qualify as a hated dick joke? For example, if an entire thread proceeds without the phallic subtext penetrating the surface intercourse, would you let it slide?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-14-05 4:32 AM
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SB said "intercourse"!


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 01-21-06 10:30 PM
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