I'd like to know exactly how much of that $180 goes to AIDS research.
Wouldn't pretty much any tie with a heavy silk front work for this. They're pretty much open on the bottom anyway.
BEN! You communist! This is FREE-MARKETEY progress!
max
['Welcome back for the two minutes you'll be here to complain.']
I never know how to carry condoms around. Have been told not to carry them too close to my body or the heat will...do something to them. And not to have them in the wallet as they will be damaged by friction. What's left? My purse I guess.
I question max's employment of hyphen in comment 4.
God only knows what's going on with the spelling of "marketey."
I never know how to carry condoms around.
Why carry them around at all?
Darn it, I'm searching all over for the obligatory archives link to the endearing Ogged post, and all that's left is the comment thread.
I am regularly surprised at the things people remember.
6: I question max's employment of hyphen in comment 4.
Tsk. Grammar Nazi is Ben's calling. We mustn't deprive him, especially not in hard times like these.
max
['Brother, can you spare a hyphen.']
The thread in 9 makes me all misty with nostalgia.
6: But wait, isn't the phrase modifying "progress"? So of course it should be hyphenated. You're trying to make it easier for the reader to understand the rhythm.
I spend endless amounts of time correcting this kind of error; I know I have my own idiosyncratic style guide, but I didn't think this question was part of it.
I don't think I ever saw that post or comment thread. I think that was during a week when I had no pseudonym-safe internet access.
||
Hey, the recession has been good for young people! Ok, some young people. Ok, a speculative amount of young people.
|>
Ok, a speculative amount of young people.
The article mentions three specific young people for whom it has been good. So there's that. Good for them, I guess. Also, that's one of several articles I've read lately using the term "the Great Recession," so I guess that's becoming the standard term.
Speaking of terms, I had never, ever seen the word totes before Stanley posted about it. Now, I have seen and heard it everywhere.
13: 6: But wait, isn't the phrase modifying "progress"? So of course it should be hyphenated. You're trying to make it easier for the reader to understand the rhythm.
Well, yes, but that would be sensible and workable and pragmatic. Which means it's WRONG WRONG WRONG! Also, I totally lost it with regards to the question mark in 11.
max
['But sadly, the Grammar Nazi performed a drive-by pap smear.']
17: It's a public service we're offering here. Please call in your pledge today.
It's sort of fun to buy condoms on a date, with your date. You don't have to already have them. (Sez the girl whose medicine-cabinet condoms expired in July. Wait! Some of these are good until 2012!)
I was reading about how the difference between a recession and a depression is that a depression would involve a deflationary spiral. So it seems like "The Great Rcession" is just the right name for our world now.
Also, the theory in 20 allowed me to use my Chinese for the first and only time.
Some of these are good until 2012!
For the world-ending sexytimes, of course.
I am going on an actual date on Wednesday. K-sky is setting me up, which is absurd, but the fact that he realizes the absurdity makes me figure what the hell.
Hey, the recession has been good for young people! Ok, some young people. Ok, a speculative amount of young people..
When this recession began there was some talk here about the great buying opportunity it presented. So did anybody get rich?
According to the Mayan calendar, for five days in 2012 all condoms will break.
Will the end of the world put people in the mood for casual hookups? Such a possibility is often alluded to, but the available evidence (i.e., disaster films) does not suggest it is likely. I don't remember much random, devil-may-care fucking in Armageddon, for example.
27: Results in Children of Men were mixed.
Will the end of the world put people in the mood for casual hookups?
Here's hoping.
On the Beach makes some reference to end-of-the-world-is-soon hook-ups, but in an understated, can't push things too far because it's the 1950s way.
(It should be obvious by now that this is the only end of the world movie I ever refer to.)
Here's hoping.
Uh-oh, is suggestion going to lead to a new rash of eschatological fervor, with lonely dudes seeking to hasten the apocalypse (a la Evangelical Christians and the Second Coming)?
Will the end of the world put people in the mood for casual hookups?
Yes, but the constant shouts of "LEONARD BERNSTEIN!" will numb the libidos of all but the most devout REM fans.
I'm mostly just hoping that talking about Malthus and global warming a lot is a good way to get laid.
Also, the theory in 20 allowed me to use my Chinese for the first and only time.
Do you know the Chinese for 'condom', or did you use a lengthy circumlocution reinforced by dramatic gestures?
If your gestures are dramatic enough you don't need to now any Chinese at all.
Do you know the Chinese for 'condom'
Yes. Showing this off was less of an amazing turn-on than I expected.
Or so the mullahs would have you believe.
alking about Malthus and global warming
Hey sugar tits, development is unsustainable! Why don't come back to my place and I'll show you how catastrophic population growth can be prevented?
Of course, she may be thinking you're talking about abstinence. Maybe an adequate rewrite would be:
I'll show you how catastrophic population growth can be prevented? while we still have a good time?
Hmm, needs work.
25
When this recession began there was some talk here about the great buying opportunity it presented. So did anybody get rich?
Well the market is up what 50% since March. So it was a great buying opportunity. I even thought about it at the time but ended up doing nothing as usual. At least I didn't panic and sell everything either.
Try more dramatic gestures.
"I NEED THE BIG KIND", you say, using that foreigners-are-hard-of-hearing voice, and continue, grabbing a pair of stockings and pulling one over your head, "THE ONES THAT CAN DO THIS."
I put some money in shortly after the trough, so I've made some money. Unfortunately I didn't have much to put in, so I didn't make much. More unfortunately, I didn't take my money out before the crash.
['But my YTD returns look GRRREAAT!']
43: More unfortunately, I didn't take my money out before the crash.
That's usually the issue. Can't walk away from a hot streak.
['But my YTD returns look GRRREAAT!']
Now would be excellent time to depart.
max
['You made some money. YAY!']
39-40: Maybe try a line referring to a geometric rate of increase - where it counts, of course.
I have no way of ever getting any money.
36: Yes. Showing this off was less of an amazing turn-on than I expected.
You should've said you wanted to show them a Chinese trick you learned and then tied the condom in knot with your tongue. Now THAT would make you popular.
max
['With people of all races, creeds, colors and sexes.']
I have no way of ever getting any money.
Seriously.
Of course, she may be thinking you're talking about abstinence.
No, see, that's when you pull the condom out of your tie.
The obvious failure here is that it's not a cummerbund.
25: Eh, even a spectacular buying opportunity doesn't make you rich.
1) You'll never have perfect timing, so you don't get the trough-to-peak gain on your whole portfolio. Most prescient value investors would still be lucky to get two-thirds of it between the amounts of stocks bought on the way down and (somewhat) on the way up rather than at the bottom.
2) Even a 50-60% gain on your portfolio holdings only gives you half of what you had free to put into the market. Unless you're already rich, adding 50% to what you have probably won't make you rich. That's more of a tripling-or-more kind of thing, which investing does over decades rather than years.
All that said, it was a pretty amazing thing to see unfold in real time, and I'm pretty happy with how my decisions turned out overall (though they relied rather heavily on luck in the form of cash coming free as it became clear that the market was falling). I definitely hope these lessons will stick in mind for the future, as 15-year lows teach a whole new level of discipline with capital.
All that said, the article about young people making it rich off this crisis was completely douchey, especially given how many new graduates have come out to find there are zero jobs on offer.
Boy howdy, do I love the phrase "All that said,".
But you see, it was said. All of it was. And that's important.
given how many new graduates have come out to find there are zero jobs on offer.
And gone straight into grad school! My cohort is apparently the biggest anyone at the school can remember.
There are apparently record numbers of applicants everywhere for every degree. (Or close to it.)
My cohort is apparently the biggest anyone at the school can remember.
The biggest where it counts, you tell 'em.
I read 20 and wondered if I could impart the information imparted by 24. Apparently I can! AWB let me set her up with my friend, everybody.
He asked if there was anything he should know. I felt it was fair to tell him that in my estimation she was not disposed towards exclusivity and long-term relationships. I felt it would not be sporting to tell him where to go to read more, and so I did not.
Po Mo!
51: 1) You'll never have perfect timing, so you don't get the trough-to-peak gain on your whole portfolio. Most prescient value investors would still be lucky to get two-thirds of it between the amounts of stocks bought on the way down and (somewhat) on the way up rather than at the bottom.
The key point though being that most non-prescient investors (that is, most investors) buy at the top and sell on the way down. Followed by people who buy on a low and sell on a similar low. Someone has to contribute all the money the rich have. 'So don't be a sucker,' as Jesse Livermore would have said.
51: All that said, the article about young people making it rich off this crisis was completely douchey, especially given how many new graduates have come out to find there are zero jobs on offer.
I already read Lizza's blowjob of Summers. Anything else would probably make me suicidal. I gather this is yet another 'Green Shoots' story... so we just need something called 'Modern Economy' to pair up with Modern Love.
Anyways, it's really amazing how we've managed to accomplish having employment and the sale of goods tank, with everything still headed downwards, while simultaneously managing a good imitation of stagflation AND achieving all the symptoms of a new financial bubble all at the same time.
max
['Impressive. Most impressive.']
Judging by the experience of Poland in WWII, yup end of the world, everybody is going to die type situations lead to tons of random casual hookups, at least among the younger crowd. Dying as a virgin was not a popular option, dying without having had good sex, also bad. And if you'd had good sex, you wanted more. So during the Warsaw uprising folks were apparently going at it like bunnies.
Isn't the tie supposed to be tossed onto the floor, and then what, you go and hunt around for your tie on the floor?
56: Huh. It's not inaccurate, but I tend not to think of it that way because it seems more like an inevitable thing that doesn't bother me rather than something I plan for myself. I've never cheated, and I have been in long-term relationships, but the default chastity and perpetuity of brand-new relationships seem like a ridiculous amount of pressure to put on something with someone you've just met. For a lot of guys I've dated, this means nothing serious or meaningful can ever happen; if you're not instantly in love and ready to forsake all others, there's no point in continuing it to the extent that a regular human being might be able to develop merited feelings. And I find that sort of odd.
Douglas Adams had a funny story about buying condoms in China in Last Chance to See. Apparently he would have done better with AWB along helping out.
61: I read that book when I was in 6th grade or so. Maybe the flailing condom gestures stayed with me somehow so that when I started learning a little Chinese, I knew exactly what the worst thing to have to act out would be.
I heard a funny story about someone visiting China for a conference getting mistakenly charged on his hotel bill for condoms (hotels in China sell condoms? I dunno). He tried to ask some of the employees who spoke better English what the charge was for but they got very embarrassed and suddenly stopped speaking English so well, or could only manage some sort of euphemism like "preventative device".
"Preventative device" is pretty much what the Chinese word (bì yùn tào) means, IIRC.
preventative device
A video game console?
Every time I see the big displays of condoms with all their different styles, shapes, and whatnot, I am struck by the fact that scattered across the globe there are groups of designers and engineers spending all day thinking about cock. I couldn't do it. I would waste too much time giggling.
67: They don't spend all day thinking about cock. Somebody had to do "Ribbed for her pleasure".
the available evidence (i.e., disaster films) does not suggest it is likely.
Equally reliable evidence says it happens all the time! (About to start work, so can't find NYT link from risible article on "terror sex." In their defense, it was like five minutes after Sept. 11. Still, ridiculous. Especially in its myopia.)
So did anybody get rich?
I dunno, I haven't looked at my retirement plan balance in 15 months. This is an excellent strategy for serenity, at least until I find out my broker has screwed up somehow.
drive-by pap smear
Pap, please. Capitalized in honor of Georgios Papanikolaou, whose statue reputedly adorns the med school of my awesome g.p.
67: I would waste too much time giggling.
ETERNAL - No other condom has ever been made with such seriousness and with so much care
max
['™']
67, 68: sometimes they have to think about more troubling questions.
In addition, if they did have some form of natural-made condom, it is highly doubtful they had a conscious awareness or intelligence as to how to use them.
You don't say.
72: Since neither dino brain tissue nor natural-made condoms are likely to fossilize, I think we'll have to say this is an open question.
71: Oh my. "Is it true...?" Clearly this is what comes of having a bad older brother.
71: I like how after the serious answers they have a separate "humorous" section.
I also like the snippy little back-and-forth over the efficacy of condoms for egg-laying species.
Bob Dylan's attempt at seduction doesn't work after World War Three.
Well, I spied a girl and before she could leave,
"Let's go and play Adam and Eve."
I took her by the hand and my heart it was thumpin'
When she said, "Hey man, you crazy or sumpin',
You see what happened last time they started."
It's also open to debate whether male dinosaurs had dangly bits. Many of their closest living relatives (birds) don't, after all.
78: Lets not get sidetracked by anatomical trivia. The important issue is whether dinosaurs used some sort of wooden barrier method for birth control, not whether it was condom shaped.
79: You mean, perhaps they used a wooden sponge?
Does the sponge workunderwater in a forest?
Lets not get sidetracked by anatomical trivia.
Definitely not the new mouseover text.
some sort of wooden barrier method for birth control
A fence?
Not a picket fence, that's for sure.
Does the sponge work in a fox?
Does the sponge work in a box?
Does the sponge work in a mouse?
Does the sponge work in a house?
The "D" in IUD stands for "Dinosaur". The "U" stands for, um, "tree".
Speaking of acronyms, when I was in Ohio they had a chain of ice cream/convenience stores called United Dairy Farmers. These were usually referred to as UDF. Being Irish Catholic, I was afraid to go in, but everybody said the ice cream was good.
The S is for Super and the U is for Unique.
87: by way of a counterbalance, there's the banking analyst firm Institutional Risk Analytics which constantly refers to its weekly newsletter as "The IRA".
http://us1.institutionalriskanalytics.com/pub/IRAMain.asp
This can produce a bit of a slipped-gear effect in the British reader.
The British reader will be further horrified to learn that any American with a white-collar job is deeply embedded in IRA activities.
SPELLING ERRORS ARE A PAPIST CONSPIRACY!
I was reading about how the difference between a recession and a depression is that a depression would involve a deflationary spiral.
Not to pick on ned, but there is no definitional difference between depressions and recessions. They called them depressions in the 20s, and they call them recessions now. They called them panics in the nineteenth century.
In the twelfth century, they called them plagues.
I think we should all rent a villa away from populated areas and tell stories until the danger passes.
They called them depressions in the 20s, and they call them recessions now. They called them panics in the nineteenth century.
Ever more euphemistic. I vote for this being the Great Correction.
I think we should all rent a villa away from populated areas and have a massive party for all our rich buddies until the danger passes.
FTFY.
How about a costume party for everyone?
context
Every time I see this I'm afraid there's a French person who doesn't like me.
101: Gesundheit. Now get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.