Re: Well, I am a good eater.

1

Great post!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 10:50 AM
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Tell me more about this "bad one" --from context, a bad eater? Dinner guests refusing to finish their salad again?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 10:58 AM
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BAD EATER! NO SAUSAGES!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 11:22 AM
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Ya know, I had a goat with the same problem. He really did eat a tin can. Kilt him, of course.

max
['So ate him more in sorrow than in anger.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 11:31 AM
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So how was the sex?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 11:32 AM
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Better when the goat is alive, I'd imagine.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 11:47 AM
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2: Gah, doncha hate that? You go to all this trouble, and they're like: We don't like raw kale.

Buncha goobers. It's like that time my aunt went out of her way to make delicious bacon-wrapped scallops as an appetizer, and I was apologetic, and she just looked at me funny.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 11:58 AM
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Man, even if you didn't want to eat them, calling her appetizers a "buncha goobers" was kind of rude, wasn't it? You could have just said "They look delicious, but I'm a vegetarian."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 12:51 PM
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Eh. I said I apologized. I don't like scallops, I said, just one of those things, one of those seafoods I don't like.

It worked out okay -- we all talked about the kinds of seafood we don't like, can't explain it, just not my thing.

More seriously? My aunt knows I'm a mostly-vegetarian, and we're slowly working out a way in which she accommodates the heavy-duty meat eaters in the family without making a meal that I just can't eat at all, and without her feeling the need to strain to come up with a vegetarian meal. That's not her thing, at all.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:22 PM
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You could have just said "They look delicious, but I'm a vegetarian keeping kosher."


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:26 PM
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Isn't a scallop pretty much the ideal vegetarian 'cheat'? I mean, for an animal, it's pretty much a plant.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:28 PM
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9: I was kidding -- I assume that you didn't actually use the word 'goobers' to describe the scallops as you refused them.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:29 PM
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12: I know.

11: It was the bacon around the scallops. These bacon-wrapped scallop things are dripping in fat, and it looks like the bacon isn't really cooked. I think that's the way they're supposed to be made. Ew? I'm sorry!


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:33 PM
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11: I've been wanting to research the various kinds of cheats. My Japanese gf once explained to me how some Buddhists classified rabbits with fish for the purpose of consumption, but I don't recall the details.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:33 PM
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14: I've heard of similar cheats that were used by Catholics for Lent and Friday. I am unaware of Buddhist dietary rules.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:40 PM
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Fish is not considered meat for kosher purposes.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:48 PM
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But, scallops aren't considered fish for kosher purposes, are they? (Leaving aside the bacon)


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:51 PM
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Beavers, not rabbits were fish (water, you see). This caused the extinction of beavers in England. Wikipedia blames Aquinas, but does not mention that he personally was hugely fat, and smacked his lips noisily while gorging on minced beaver pies during lent.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:52 PM
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Scallops aren't kosher at all.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:53 PM
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while gorging on minced beaver pies

The man lived in Paris (and Italy)! I imagine he ate rather better than that during Lent!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 1:56 PM
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18: Seems to me lw is still holding a grudge against Aquinas. That noisy smacking of lips can get really annoying meal after meal!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:00 PM
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The man lived in Paris (and Italy)

Where you probably could have pushed a pig into the water, called it a fish, and cooked it up for Good Friday.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:04 PM
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Scallops wrapped in bacon are closing in on the platonic ideal of not-kosher. Cook 'em in butter, and you're gold.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:19 PM
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The original article still shows in Google Reader. Lo, the difficulty of unsaying that which has been said...


Posted by: shane | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:22 PM
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Even better:

1. milk a cow, make butter from the milk
2. kill the cow cruelly, make burger from cow
3. wrap scallop in bacon made from a pig that was tortured to death
4. put bacon-scallon in burger from step 2
5. cook in the butter from step 1.

(For bonus points, use a dirty pan.)


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:24 PM
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25: You'll need to deglaze your pan with some wine that goyim touched.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:38 PM
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26: If you'd even see me tend bar, you'd assume goyim fingers are in all the wine.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:40 PM
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26: Menstruating goyim. Also, the burger should be from the cow's child, shouldn't it?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 2:51 PM
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These bacon-wrapped scallop things are dripping in fat, and it looks like the bacon isn't really cooked.

Ah. I was going to ask how you could cook the bacon properly without horribly overcooking the scallop. So the idea is to not properly cook the bacon. Tragic.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:06 PM
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I'll gladly eat everybody else's rejected scallops.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:11 PM
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You can partially pre-cook the bacon if you want. Just so long as it's not crispy you should still be able to get it around the scallop.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:12 PM
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You can get crispy bacon around the scallop, but it takes a very large supply of toothpicks and patience.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:14 PM
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Also forks and hope.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:20 PM
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Glue and indifference would also work.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:22 PM
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35

What about twine and disappointment?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:23 PM
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Chewing gum and foolishness.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:25 PM
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Or use panchetta instead of bacon.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:29 PM
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Stick with the gum, though.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:30 PM
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Panchetta-flavored gum.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:31 PM
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But definitely stick with the foolishness, which is key to eating shellfish at all.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:32 PM
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Scallops wrapped in bacon...

... are on the shopping list for the twins' birthday party this weekend. Also on the list: an alcoholic punch for our grown-up friends. I am currently desperately seeking a recipe for a good, fall-themed punch. Can the Mineshaft help?


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:35 PM
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I suppose mulled wine would be too trite?


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:38 PM
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I'm planning to do a (non-alcoholic) mulled cider, so another mulled beverage seems like it might be mull overkill.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:39 PM
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ArrackPunch is kind of seasonal, by the transitive property of cocktail relevancy (colonial to thanksgiving to autumn).


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:42 PM
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Scallops wrapped in bacon...

... are on the shopping list for the twins' birthday party this weekend.

Hmm, maybe your brother was right.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:42 PM
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43: Maybe a variation on this (here in a more cocktail form):

Hayrides!: (1) Take a big pot and pour in 3qts apple cider. Drop in an orange with some cloves (like 5 -- my pic is non-representative!) stuck in it, a cinnamon stick, 5 or so allspice berries. Simmer this until it reduces by 2/3. For my fellow literature students, this means you will have 1qt left. Let this cool a bit and strain. Then put it in ... Read Moresome kind of bottle in your fridge. Now you can make the drink! (2) Run a lemon wedge around the rims of your cocktail glasses. Give said glasses a little twist on a plate covered with cinnamon sugar (1/4sugar + 1/2tsp cinnamon swished briefly in a spice blender, or just swished together). (3) Fill cocktail shaker with ice. Add 2oz bourbon, 1/2 oz pear brandy, 2oz spiced cider. (4) Shake! (5) Pour into glasses, garnish with a pear slice.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:42 PM
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To the Orientals we owe punch - as many other good things.

Do tell, Alice Morse Earle.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:44 PM
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Hmm, maybe your brother was right.

In fairness, I think one should conclude that bacon is the greatest threat facing Judaism today. If only it weren't so delicious...


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:45 PM
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Point.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:46 PM
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I made the second cocktail listed here the other day, and it was delicious, but I have no idea if you could scale it up to punch bowl proportions.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:51 PM
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Delicious and very autumnal, I should say.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:51 PM
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Well, I am a good eater

Giant penis-eating worm found in UK aquarium


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:52 PM
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Why would someone want crispy bacon?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:52 PM
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crispy bacon is delicious! the very best is when bacon has very crispy places and much softer places. ultimate texture. this is possible when you bake bacon in the oven. it's even better if you use a bit of amaretto or bourbon.

trying hayrides tonight. thanks, oudemia!


Posted by: ella | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:59 PM
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I don't like to think why the fishkeepers consider that advisement to be practical.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 3:59 PM
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Also, syllabub.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 4:00 PM
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females of the species bite off the penis of their male partner and feed it to their young.

"You won't be needing this anymore!"


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 4:02 PM
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A somewhat more confidence inspiring recipe for Batavia Arrack Punch.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 4:06 PM
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54: ella gets it exactly right.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 4:06 PM
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Yes, ultimate texture.


Posted by: Giant penis-eating worm | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 4:18 PM
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I've been busy, like fucking working and shit today, so no Internet. Finally got a chance to check in, and what is at the top of the comments side bar? Giant penis-eating worm comments on Well, I am a good eater. It almost brought a tear.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 4:48 PM
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I eat where it counts.


Posted by: Giant-penis eating worm | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 5:00 PM
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57: Rob gets it exactly right.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 5:09 PM
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Crispy bacon is about the only style of bacon I'll eat.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 5:41 PM
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I like mine to be right on the crispy/not crispy border, so parts areand parts aren't.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 5:55 PM
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Cryptic Ned Bat Signal --

Why didn't we use any adjuvant in our flu vaccine? They did in Canada. Please cc me on any response.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 6:11 PM
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67: You didn't give the nurse a 'tip', did you?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 6:37 PM
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What is pear brandy, is it just another name for pear eau de vie or something else?

A popular Polish cider cocktail is the 'szarlotka' (apple pie): Żubrówka plus apple cider or apple juice. Personally I prefer it straight up, but tastes vary. Only use the real version that you get in Europe, the one sold in America is artificially flavoured. The FDA kindly decided that since if you drink over a fifth a day of the stuff the bison grass extract will destroy your liver, it would ban it. Of course drinking a fifth a day of plain old vodka is just the thing for healthy organ function.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:32 PM
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60 So, GPW, any recipes? My Joy of Cooking has sheep balls but none in your specialty.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:33 PM
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I'm sort of with the FDA on that.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:34 PM
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70 to 68 and 69.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:35 PM
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There should be a Scottish mixed drink named Sheep Balls. That would delight me to no end.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:38 PM
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It would probably just be another phase.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:41 PM
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68: Yep, it is just pear eau de vie.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:46 PM
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The not banning of sheep ball recipes or the banning of [bison] grass?

The thing is, that while the real stuff will kill you faster than plain old hard liquor, a single binge, or even a several day bender exclusively done on it won't do anything bad, you have to drink it day in, day out over a period of time.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 10-22-09 7:49 PM
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72 - HEY, WE'RE THE ONES WHO LIKE SHEEP BALLS!


Posted by: OPINIONATED WELSHMAN | Link to this comment | 10-23-09 3:11 AM
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I'm actually quite indifferent to (really) crispy bacon - it's behind ham and sausage on my breakfast meats rankings. But I adore truly thick-sliced bacon - not that 0.1" stuff, but hand-sliced hunks approaching 1/4" - the meat is meaty, the fat becomes meltingly tender, and the edges are crisp.

I may be in the midst of a change of plans for lunch.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 10-23-09 9:47 AM
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Michael Ruhlman's BLT from scratch challenge has made me want to get around to makin' bacon. And eating more BLTs.

In other news, I now have half of a lamb in the freezer.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10-23-09 10:28 AM
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In other news, I now have half of a lamb in the freezer.

That's going to waste a great deal of electricity.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-23-09 10:35 AM
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Second the Bison Grass. Best vodka I've ever had.


Posted by: F | Link to this comment | 10-23-09 3:14 PM
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