I like the way this really builds up a head of steam as you go. It is excellent for reading aloud.
Probably that should have been enclosed in quotation marks.
Note to self: stop telling people the Guggenheim is in Hoboken.
What's a "nake"?
I dunno, but there are nakebloggers.
I am at this moment reading a lovely book that contains interesting excerpts from letter-writing guides from the 18c, offering examples of how to decline a request to lend money or introducing a good wet nurse to another family. That sort of thing.
I find myself wanting a letter-writing guide for a situation this book does not seem to cover. I am invited to the performance of a very close college friend who is a stripper in another city. Clearly, I would not be able to attend, as it is a thousand miles away, but he included me and several others, I think, as a way of letting us know what he's up to. (He stripped some in College City, and clearly loved doing it, but seemed to have feared we all expected him to do something more... serious.) How does one write an email saying, hey, obviously I can't come to your striptease, but I just wanted to say I'm really proud of you, when the person in question was always afraid that I thought his love of stripping proved he was dumb, or was beneath him? Also, the whole "I wish I could be there to see you dance with no clothes on" part is awkward.
10: If anyone is, you are wholly up for the task.
I mean 9, of course. Post your reply here! And then we can riff limericks!
I figured if I didn't get good advice, it would at least be clever. Have at!
Or rather, let's riff limericks and then you can include this thread to your friend!
Is he a modern-burlesque-this-is-really-an-art-form-in-a-wonderfully-sleazy-way-with-links-back-to-early-20thC-Coney-Island-and-such sort of stripper, or a no-pretensions-to-anything-strip-club sort of stripper? Either is cool if he's pleased about it, but it changes the tone of the congratulatory letter.
AWB, Book title? Author? Please.
How does one write an email saying, hey, obviously I can't come to your striptease, but I just wanted to say I'm really proud of you
Just like that. Why not? (Can't do limericks without knowing how his name scans - would clerihews be OK?)
He's trained in modern choreography, and does some sort of exaggeratedly expressionistic stuff with elaborate concepts, but also has a pretty basic stripper mentality. I get the sense from seeing his group's site and videos that what they're advertising is fully nude, cute, muscly boys, but they do really elaborate choreography, possibly for their own entertainment.
The trip is just too long
For me to see your dong
Your career is great,
For fans gay and straight
I'm so sad I can't join the throng!
15.1: I've been meaning to recommend it, esp. with all the usage arguments in the other thread. It's this one. Excellent scholarship, but written for a popular audience. He manages the balance nicely.
Dear _______, You're a talented dancer,
And I'd come if I could - that's my answer.
But I'm here and you're there,
So the circle won't square.
Still, pray count me your number one fan, sir.
Interesting. I'd read a review of that and thought it sounded like 100% repackaged old hat, with a pandering title, but that was probably a function of the reviewer's not knowing what was worth mentioning and praising in it.
22: Yeah, that's what's bothering me about the reviews. They're so shocked by what are the basic explanations of the history of linguistics that they think that's what the point is. He actually makes some pretty fascinating arguments about the history of anxieties about language that transcend the usual "and then there was the middle class" sort.
Hello from afar to your cock
So ably displayed on the clock
as part of your show
I wish I could go!
For I know that you nakedly rock
The memories of watching you dance,
Both with, and then without, your pants,
I fondly recall,
But can't make it at all,
this time. Will there be one more chance?
I'm afraid that I must miss your show.
If I lived near, rest assured that I'd go.
When we were in school
I thought you were cool
And it's thrilling to hear you've turned pro.
22: And yes, the subtitle seems tacked on by the publisher. The focus of the content is more on lexicographers and grammarians of the 17-20c, natch.
Limerick contests are my favorite thing.
I don't know, but I've been told,
That cyclists don't ever grow old.
One, two,
Three, four.
One, two, three, DOOR!!
28: I feel like that would just confuse the stripper. Is the bicycle part of his act?
I was going to put in one thread down, but that had moved on from cycling a long time ago.
Anyway, I couldn't beat 26 for stripper poetry.
I don't like the foretitle either, which I bet is also the publisher's doing. "It's like the Omnivore's Dilemma, but with words! It will sell like moderately desirable warmcakes!"
31: This sort of stuff makes me anxious. It's always been my plan to put together a readable non-academic book about my research, but the whole marketing thing sounds like a pain in the ass.
I would revise the first two lines of 25 to be "The mem'ries of watching you dance / Within and outwith of your pants".
32: What is your research? If I knew, I've forgotten. (Anyway, I buy mostly non-fiction history books lately.)
34: I don't really talk about that under my pseud, as it's pretty specific to me. Email me if you like!
36: S'OK. I wish I could! It's a fun project.
"Idiot Man-Boys: A History of Damaged Males in New York City in the Early 21st C."
Hmm, I think "Investigation" would be better. Taxonomy?
For the record, I'm fairly sure that particular investigation discovered that I am actually a bad person, and that people who've treated me like shit may be totally reasonably nice to other women and should not be labeled unkindly. Funding for this research was revoked some time ago.
I assure you without any trickery,
Your delightful erotic terpsichore,
(Not to mention your gland)
Distracted, amazed, and
Held my gaze without ever squicking me
You of Mars and I of Venus.
I can't come to look at your penis.
Though I'd make long hauls
To look at your balls,
There are too many miles between us.
So, in other words, you wouldn't make long hauls?
But maybe I just like balls more than you, neb.
Maybe I should send an emissary from the Mineshaft. If you asked my friend if he wanted to sex Mutombo, he'd probably be cool with that.
In bygone days, our gay student revels
Transcended all the more usual fare.
The old bluenoses thought us queer devils,
Your nude dances always gave them a scare!
Since you and your muscly brethren would dare,
To meld classical dance with erotic,
So I would fain see you once more quite bare,
Your location's, I fear, too exotic.
I don't think that your art's too demotic,
And now I'm writing you thus to declaim,
Though it's making me slightly neurotic,
That such great pleasure'd have I, if I came.
Now dance you well, my good old college chum,
Think of me fondly, when they fondle your bum.
In nonstandard English, no one knows if you're a dog.
48: I don't think you can get that just from fondling.
If I could be there when you were nude
I would applaud you! I do regret
That I won't be there when you are viewed
By strip club patrons, drunken, lewd.
Were I not in Gotham, I'd join their set
So I could be there when you were nude,
Thinking of our classes: Proust and Jude,
Those springtime mornings when we met.
That I could be there when you are viewed,
Listening to the rhythm that's tattooed
By the stamp of dancers' feet! And yet
I will not be there there when you are nude.
With this economy, the odds are skewed.
My bank accounts won't take the debt
So I can be there when you are viewed.
I hope, my heart, you don't think me rude:
If I didn't have to board a goddamn jet
So I could be there when you were nude
Then I would be there for you, revue'd.
Had I but cash enough and time
I'd see you dance! - would spare the rhyme.
Would come, would sit among the fray
To watch and laud your body's play
As from the crowd around the scene
You plaudits find; I, being mean,
Of Humberts would complain, those who'd
Just lech, and in their quest for rude
Excitement at broad pec, bronze thew
And manly parts, miss Art, miss - You.
An hundred hands may try to graze
The glories of your butt, or raise
Your vegetable, Love, to grow
Unfeasible and steal the show.
Two hundred may assault the rest
Offer you bucks, caress your chest.
A mob at least to every part
Will consecrate its fevered heart.
For, lover, you are truly great
And well deserving such a fete.
But as it is I can't. I must
Regard the overwhelming lust
Of banks demanding on due day
Some proffered evidence of pay,
Must heed, regard and seek to tend
Cinereous faculty who rend
By tedious e-mail emission -
Sans pity, point, or intermission -
My peace. Such silly stuff . While you
Out of my sight in fullest view
Ensnare the audience and entrance.
A naked dancer clothed in dance.
So therefore, while we cannot meet,
Figure an unencumbered seat
As host to my approving gaze
And count me in on every phase
Of mounting rapture, clamrous praise
And paean. While these flimsy lays
Must serve to make my poor excuse, our
Thoughts may join. Your black-chapped power
And my soft verse may mate - and fall
Into the dance's rhythm, call
Each distant but united fire
To severally blaze, inspire.
We can't meet up but we can run
Together till the dance is done .
Snark, you are developing a real little line in comic villanelles. A growth industry, to be sure!
