Re: And her name was Phrenola.

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I recently ran into a friend I hadn't seen in years. His head was totally shaven, which is very different from the sort of floppy blond mop he used to have. If I didn't recognize his voice I'm not sure I would even have guessed who it was. I was too taken aback by the fact of the bald head to consider its aesthetics on its own, though.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 1:27 PM
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I have the perfect blood. I have this on good authority from someone named Phlebotzie.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 1:29 PM
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2: Your face is quite nice, too, sweetie.


Posted by: Physiognes | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 1:33 PM
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My friend Bilia made me blush with her comments upon my humours.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 1:35 PM
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Racist.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 1:49 PM
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Dr. Urologette says I'm in perfect health, but she wants me to have weekly check-ups for some reason.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 2:09 PM
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"perfect" s/b "the pink of".


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 2:11 PM
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Stanley's head is perfectly platonically spherical.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 2:17 PM
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Nice stream!


Posted by: Nefertiti | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 2:19 PM
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6: I've had doctors make similar suggestions to me, but it always wound up costing a lot of money, and they weren't really doctors.

I should have realized that there was no such thing as the Royal Medical Academy of Blowjobistan.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 2:50 PM
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10: Fuck. Then who sent me this M.D. diploma I got hanging on my office wall?


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 3:04 PM
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I have the perfect blood.

I have perfect veins. Last time I gave blood they asked if I'd be interested in being a vein model. (Ok, not really, but they were wondering if I'd let the newbies practice on me because apparently mine are so obvious a child could do it.)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 3:24 PM
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Every time I give blood I get complimented on my veins. "Nice veins", they say.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 3:34 PM
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You're so vein.
I bet you think this thread is about you.
Don-choo?
Don-choo?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 3:38 PM
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Way to make me feel less special, nosflow.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 3:40 PM
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They're all about me, that's what I think.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 3:40 PM
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11: I always felt better after my treatments with Dr. Neal N. Bob, so I'm certain they must have trained you to do something well.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 3:49 PM
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I'm considering a cranial implant. I'm told I would be more attractive and popular if I only had a bit more up top.


Posted by: Michael H Schneider | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:02 PM
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Not to be cynical, but I think I've received more compliments in salons than in the rest of my life combined. The place where I've received the second-most compliments is restaurants.


Posted by: sam k | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:07 PM
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Not to be cynical, but I think I've received more compliments in salons than in the rest of my life combined. The place where I've received the second-most compliments is restaurants.


Posted by: sam k | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:08 PM
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"Wow, your appetite is so huge."


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:13 PM
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"That's the most spotted dick I've ever seen! Where on earth did you have it enspotted?!"


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:18 PM
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"Was that haircut good for you, too?"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:25 PM
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I've been auto-buzz-cutting every couple months

Flowbee?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:36 PM
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24: If only. It's more like, do it; then go to work the next day and be informed I missed five spots.

It's good to keep my cow-orkers' expectations low.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:39 PM
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Why, that haircut was good for me! Thanks. I'll see you in a couple of months. Can we have coffee again then as well?

Seriously, I had the most fabulous haircutter ever. He retired, or resigned, to go off to fame and fortune with his invention of a special angled comb that had debuted to great fanfare at the latest haircutters' convention in New York.

I am completely serious. He was awesome. Our dates appointments were scheduled at the end of the day when we were the only two present in the shop. He'd do my hair up in various styles after it had been cut and dried. Totally flattering. The thing is, the few pictures I have from that period of time show that he really did cut my hair very well. Huh. It just seems like nobody else cares, you know?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:39 PM
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I've been going to the same barber for 30 years. I don't remember him giving me any compliments, except to note that he'd seen me on public-access when I was competing in Quiz Bowl in HS.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:45 PM
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My haircutter is a teeny woman with spiky gray hair, a heavy Marseillaise accent, and tendency toward the dramatic. Every time she gets done cutting my hair, she stands back and says, I have geeven yoooo zee most byooootiful haircut!


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:55 PM
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Speaking of which, tonight marks my team's triumphant return to trivia, but the start time is being bumped for the big game. Oh well. It will be worth it if we get into the Superbowl and there's a nice riot.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:56 PM
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I have perfect veins. Last time I gave blood they asked if I'd be interested in being a vein model. (Ok, not really, but they were wondering if I'd let the newbies practice on me because apparently mine are so obvious a child could do it.)

Funny, this happened to me too, only they said it was because my veins were less obvious than some. (This was before I started working out - these days I have veins like the hawsers used to moor cargo ships.) He has practiced on dummies, they said. It happened that I was in appalling pain; white as a sheet, sweating, shaking, vomiting; but what the hell, I said, let the intern have a go. I have to say he looked nervous. He had three or four attempts - missed completely each time - had to be led away by the nurse. I actually felt he should have been allowed to continue - after all it's bad when you don't get the chance to put an end a run of failure.


Posted by: Charlie | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:57 PM
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What are tipping rates up to these days for haircutting? I may actually get something done professionally.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 4:59 PM
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I tip $2 on a $13 cut.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:05 PM
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I last had my hair cut professionally about 10 years ago, and it was, I think, about $45 (on the theory that you get what you pay for), and I tipped ... I have no idea now.

I'm figuring that if I do this, I'm going to be willing to pay for it, in terms of the cost of the cut itself. Is it fair to say that the tip should be about the same as in the restaurant business, leaving aside any exceptional service?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:11 PM
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I can't remember the last time I had the same person cut my hair two times running. I tend to wander into the Jean-Claude Van Damme chain, pay my $25, and ask for something that'll look okay it I let it airdry.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:20 PM
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I tip around $5 on $25, so about a restaurant tip. But I don't know if I'm right.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:22 PM
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I think with hair cuts it is appropriate to leave between 10 and 20% tip. I generally tip 20% because I really like my hair stylist.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:23 PM
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(And I should note that I've seen it recommended to go higher (25-30%), and that if you go to some salons you may have separate people to wash, cut, and color, all of which require separate tips, apparently. But that's all second hand.)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:25 PM
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All the haircutting places near me now are chains that use some incomprehensible numbering system. I say something vague like "just kind of moderately short everywhere", they say something like "a 3?", I say "I have no idea what that means", and then they leave random bits long and others short.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:29 PM
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37 makes me happy that I go the buzzcut route.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:31 PM
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separate tips

I simply cannot cope with separate tips. Tipping at all is bad enough, people should get paid. But if their livelihoods depend on my tipping, they can divvy it up for themselves. One transaction, one tip.

(I'm not saying I'm right, but I'm not finding the shampoo woman to tip her separately.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:31 PM
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The hair-cuttist described in the post at first told me she didn't want to cut my hair at all, because she really liked my curls. This was, of course, before she discovered The Perfect Shape that lay beneath.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:33 PM
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I'm too poor to give out the tips I wish I could. And I would be profoundly uncomfortable in a salon where multiple people attended to you, no matter how excellent the hair cut.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:34 PM
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For people with hair roughly like mine -- straight, in a disorganizedly wavy kind of way -- the salon-speak version of "it'll look okay if I let it airdry" seems to be "long layers around the face."

I miss my boyish college haircuts. If only I didn't look so absolutely terrible in them.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:36 PM
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42: It's not necessarily ritzy. My chain-salon haircuts are pretty cheap, but they've got different hairwashers and haircutters - it's an assembly line.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:40 PM
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When my dad started balding he went to some expensive guy, according to an old friend of his. THe friend had no idea why until he went with him one day 'You're hair is so nice and thick' the barber kept telling him.

I go to a very old school Italian barber shop in Park Slope (the fittings look prewar). They talk baseball or jazz or Italian food. It's been going up. Seven years ago it was twelve bucks, now it's fourteen for a buzz cut. I started out giving two bucks tip, now three on the principle of fifteen percent rounded up.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:41 PM
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they've got different hairwashers and haircutters - it's an assembly line.

Ah, ok, that I could deal with. Most of the places I've seen that do that sort of thing are also charging $200 a pop. (But they give you free champagne, says a friend completely and utterly seduced by the Hollywood scene. Yes, free California sparkling wine that's barely a percentage of what you're paying...)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:44 PM
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I tip $5 on a $16.00 haircut. It started when they were $15 haircuts and asking for money back from a twenty just seemed cheap. I figure Supercuts may not doesn't pay well and I only get my hair cut once every couple of months.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:45 PM
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47 is nearly grammatically correct and typo free.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:45 PM
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just have haircut phobia, having had too many haircuts that were very, very bad. Things may be better now that I don't harbor bangs. Still, though, there are too many questions I can't answer, and which just confound me: where do you part your hair? Middle, left, or right?

Part? Uhhh, middle, I guess. No part? Can you do that? I think it falls in the middle.

Amusingly, over Thanksgiving I dined with a family whose teenaged daughter sported a pronounced side part, with asymmetrical haircut to match, and she tilted her head to one side the entire evening. I kept thinking: dude, you're messing up your posture, doesn't your neck hurt? I'm having trouble taking you seriously.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 5:59 PM
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I tip $2 to $3 on a less than $20 cut. I think I based this on advice on some old unfogged thread.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:02 PM
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That said, essear's some incomprehensible numbering system. I say something vague like "just kind of moderately short everywhere", they say something like "a 3?", I say "I have no idea what that means", and then they leave random bits long and others short.

is barbaric, yet sounds like what I try to say to haircutters (though it's more like "moderately long"), which is not what I wind up getting.

And Stanley! she didn't want to cut my hair at all, because she really liked my curls -- you should try this!


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:06 PM
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Back in the day, I'd bring in pictures of people -- from magazines -- whose hair I wanted mine to approximate. Then I began to feel a fool, and stopped that.

Maybe I should take it up again.

Actually, back in the day, they had catalogues of haircuts available in the waiting room. Is that no longer done? God, it's obviously been a long time.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:09 PM
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The numbers refer to the length of the blades for the electric clippers, I think. I usually go with 4, but I've done 6 and it was too long for what I wanted. That's usually the only part of the haircut that's nearly guaranteed to be even. I've been doing a better job of warning them my hair will stick up if it's cut too short on the top, so that's cut down on obvious unevenness.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:10 PM
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I like the 6 clipper (which not everybody keeps in their station) for the sides and back. Then I tell them to leave it longish on the top. It works, mostly.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:12 PM
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And Stanley! she didn't want to cut my hair at all, because she really liked my curls -- you should try this!

I have. It looks nice, but, lord, it's awfully hot while playing drums. I have no idea how soccer players do long hair, even with their being in far better shape than I.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:15 PM
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54: That's more or less what I ask for except with a #2. It was referred to as a fade at my recent salon visit. I was a bit disturbed when a friend today told me I have a faux-hawk.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:19 PM
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Stanley, have you considered drumming more slowly?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:19 PM
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"I know it isn't what we planned, but I don't want to get over-heated. And there aren't any James Taylor cover bands around, so less competition."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:22 PM
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After too many bad-even-by-my-low-standards haircuts at Hair Cuttery, I now go to an incredibly chichi place where the fashionable, chatty woman who cuts my hair mostly manages to conceal her appalled reaction to my grooming habits. (You don't blow dry your hair! But you must sometimes...?). It costs $60; I leave somewhere between $7-10 in the envelope (!) for her, and $2 for the shampoo lady.

On another note, this story from the Havana Times (via LGM):


HAVANA TIMES, Jan. 22 -- The US government's Voice of America acknowledged Friday the efforts of more than 400 Cuban doctors and health workers in Haiti.

The move could lead to a collaboration with medicines needed at several field hospitals set up by the Cubans for treating the earthquake victims.
"The massive international relief effort in Haiti has received a boost from Cuba, which has more than 400 health workers, many of them doctors, working throughout the devastated country. The government in Havana has also aided United States relief efforts by opening restricted Cuban airspace to American planes flying medical evacuation missions," states VOA in an article titled Cuba Aids Haiti Relief.

Serious question: Would VOA have run a story like that under the previous administration? Assuming all of the facts were the same? I don't read their website often enough to know.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:23 PM
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VOA is independent now, isn't it?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:39 PM
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I miss my beautiful perfect hairdresser. I never should have encouraged her to go to grad school. Her replacement at the salon is nice and does a fine job, but it's a bit too nice and neat, and no matter what I say, she responds with "I don't blame you."

I don't blame you!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:40 PM
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One tips 20% on haircuts (or waxes, or massages, or manicures).


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:41 PM
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Not even a little. Fully funded by the US government.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:41 PM
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God, how I would like a massage RIGHT NOW.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:42 PM
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63 to 60, although 62 makes it distressingly clear that I need to increase my tipping.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:42 PM
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(My guy is very good. And he is Warren Beatty in Shampoo -- a totally on-the-make pussyhound.)


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:45 PM
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The one time I had a haircut using the 6 setting, it was ok at first, but that was just because it was kind of like if the haircut had used 4 and been done two weeks earlier. I really don't like getting my hair cut more than once every two months, and it's usually too long by two months, and it was even longer that time.

Anything is better than the time I got a haircut at a Supercuts in DC and the guy ignored everything I asked for. The haircut was good only that day - after I washed my hair it became clear that it was way too long at the front unless I used product, which I wasn't going to do. So I took some scissors and cut the front in the mirror just enough to keep it out of my eyes all the time, then waited a month and got a haircut at a different Supercuts.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:45 PM
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63/65: I think the govt should fund my massages/manicures/haircuts. Truly, it's in the best interests of the state.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:46 PM
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I had a feeling it was 20%.

You don't blow dry your hair! But you must sometimes...?

This puzzles me: the only way I'd be able to not blowdry my hair would be if I washed it in the evening, which I'm not likely to do. And in the morning, it just takes too long to air-dry; I'm not likely to be wandering around for an hour or more waiting for my hair to dry, and I eschew going out with wet hair. So yes, those with longer hair who air-dry it puzzle me.

There may be a difference here between those with straight, and those with curly hair.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:48 PM
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Yes, I agree that 20% is standard for hair, massage, and other various grooming things. I actually do a little more than that around here because I think people undercharge for the services, and rounding up is nice, anyhow.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:49 PM
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63: I don't know what I was thinking of then. It looks like even the Europe stuff still runs, despite the end of the Cold War. I see that USIA was abolished as an independent agency, but that was a reorganzation. I will now go back to paying little attention to what the US broadcasts to other countries.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:51 PM
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66: Ha. I had one of those. I think it ended up being bad for business in the long run.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:51 PM
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My hair does not respond well to blowing dry, except under the ministrations of the very best, most patient and sensitive blow-out artists with the finest understanding of the diffuser attachment. (I am not an example of same myself.) As a result, sometimes my hair is wet in public. It takes hours and hours and hours to dry completely, too, but so be it.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:54 PM
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71: Probably you were thinking of the super-key-important prohibitions against ever ever broadcasting to Americans. Which pretty much shriveled up and blew away in about two weeks flat, back in '95 or '96 when the web started to get big. I think VOA still has some rules on the books about Americans not being allowed to receive their broadcasts, but it's basically all moot now.

f I washed it in the evening

Yup.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:54 PM
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The one time I had a haircut using the 6 setting, it was ok at first, but that was just because it was kind of like if the haircut had used 4 and been done two weeks earlier.

That's the whole point. I don't like to look like I just got a haircut.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 6:58 PM
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redfox speaks my language with respect to the drying of curly hair: you have to use a diffuser, and/or use a straight blowdryer (set on cool) in stages. 2 minutes, then get lunch together, 2 more minutes, then water the plants or whatever, 2 more minutes ... that's about it.

I just can't stand waiting for 2 hours, and I actually look like a drowned puppy, or a wet cat, with my hair wet, so I decline in public, unless I'm swimming.

Washing my hair in the evening would have to commence when I got home from work, and then it would just be all smashed down again in the morning!


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:03 PM
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or use a straight blowdryer (set on cool)

We found that a blowdryer set on cool is a very good way to dry a baby's bottom and prevent diaper rash. We used to have big problems before the pediatrician put us on to that.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:06 PM
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I do think the amount that one tips for such services is somewhat location dependent. Where I grew up, very few would tip 20%. In a city, I think that would pretty much be expected.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:08 PM
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When I was growing-up, I went to the same barber as my dad. Dad said I should never tip the guy on the grounds that it was condescending to tip a grown-up when I was only 12 or so. I assume dad tipped him later.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:10 PM
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Prices are generally higher in cities; why does it make any sense for the percentage to be higher? Is this innumeracy, a small scam on the part of service workers, or what?


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:19 PM
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I might be wrong - or perhaps just raised by boors - but I never observed tips that large in my relatively rural (we're not talking Moby Hickland) town.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:27 PM
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At an Irish pub, I was sitting next to a couple who were tourists from Ireland, thinking it would be nice to talk to the Irish staff. But they turned to us and asked if our bill had a 20% gratuity included. Of course not. The Irish staff knew they'd otherwise be expecting 10% from their countrymen. The tourists were pretty miffed.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:27 PM
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But that's daylight robbery!


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:34 PM
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81: In my town (


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:34 PM
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I am having no luck parsing 82.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:37 PM
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85: The Irish tourists had a 20% gratuity appended to their check, as the people who worked at the bar - also Irish - thought that otherwise they would not tip that much on their own.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:39 PM
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In the Irish pub, the Irish staff did as the Irish do in Ireland, expecting the Irish non-staff to do as the Irish do in America.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:39 PM
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The Irish staff of the Irish pub saw the Irish patrons and thought to themselves: "Those Irish people will tip 10% if allowed to do whatever they think is appropriate." So they put a 20% gratuity on the bill.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:40 PM
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Thank you.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:40 PM
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Thank you. Thank you.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:40 PM
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Once as a kid I went in to the joint where I got my haircut, which was staffed by a very nice gay couple who, I think, didn't cut the hair of many little kids but suffered me perfectly gladly, and asked them to cut my hair like MacGyver's. To their credit, they did no such thing. Another time, I went in and asked them to cut my hair like Captain Kirk's. Again, to their credit, they failed to comply.

I tip pretty well for haircuts percentage-wise, since mine tend to be cheap. The woman who cuts my hair now is a little bit sneaky: the first time I got my haircut, the manager was in the store, and she charged me one price. The second time, no manager, and she charged me a higher price. Whatever; both prices are pretty low, and I don't get my hair cut very often. I tipped her five bucks both times.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:40 PM
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81: In my town (less than 5,000 people), I think a waitress wouldn't have expected at tip of more than 10%. But it may have changed.

(84 went bad because I forgot that the 'less than' symbol is the tag opener.)


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:40 PM
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I helped.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:40 PM
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85: The Irish Pub, which was in 10% of Irish people, was a tourist. It held a staff, which was 20%.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:41 PM
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Irish Irish Irish Irish Irish Irish.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:41 PM
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I see 91.2 was neatly semi-pwned ages ago.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:42 PM
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92 was me. I'd better go get a sandwich or rest.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:42 PM
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Er, Irish Irish Irish Irish Irish Irish.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:42 PM
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I put on my Irish robe and wizard Irish hat.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:43 PM
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80: I assumed that the idea was that people who can afford the higher prices in cities can also afford the higher percentage. That this is not necessarily true doesn't enter into it. But this doesn't make it a small scam on the part of service employees. Both the higher prices and the higher percentage are a reflection of the higher cost of living.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:44 PM
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101

That is wizard Irish cocksucker, Standpipe.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:45 PM
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102

The superbowl is about to become unwatchable, even for those otherwise inclined to watch it.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:48 PM
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103

A: Got any Irish in you?
B: Yes, 10%.
A: Want 20?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:49 PM
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104

Irish buffalo buffalo bison Irish buffalo bison. Dot microwave. Dot egg. Dot paper plate.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:49 PM
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91.1 is very cute, but this thing about the haircutter declining to do any such thing just pains me. If I ask for my hair to be roughly this way or that way, don't override me, please! Ask me what I mean! Raise questions! We can talk about this, after all.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:51 PM
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If you'd like to avenge my 10 year old self, you could march right out and get your hair cut like MacGyver.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:53 PM
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It would be too shocking to me, a MacGyver cut.

You weren't in your right mind, at age 10, I'm sure. Though, honestly, it doesn't seem like either MacGyver's or Kirk's haircuts were that radical. Those would grow out in like one month.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:58 PM
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I really miss my days of buzzing my own hair and would like to go back to it, but I'd have to lose weight for it to look right (and would perhaps risk losing my beloved in the process, though I'm sure she'd be willing to settle).

I do go to work with my very thick and now shoulder-length hair wet every morning as a passive-aggressive complaint about the expectation that we follow a business casual dress code, since that seems designed solely so my boss and her office friends have a reason to go shopping for new clothes constantly. So I don't blow-dry and just dare someone to say something. So far my laziness pays, and since I'm not trying to look professional or attractive there's really no downside.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 7:59 PM
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109

MacGyver would have cut his own hair, using only nerf balls and stuffed animals.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:00 PM
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110

Radical!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:03 PM
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111

108.2: Somebody has to keep the GAP in business.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:03 PM
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112

110: It's basically a Farrah minus six inches. I'd forgotten how glam he was.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:04 PM
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Come to think of it, my biggest worry should be how to cover my unwashed hair for work tomorrow, because our water heater won't be fixed until afternoon and the idea of a chilly shower first thing in the am does not appeal at all.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:05 PM
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110: Oh, wow. I'd had him in mind as more of a buzz-cut, but spiky on top. I take it all back. I actually knew a few people who had roughly that haircut in the mid-80s. They pulled it off, but not everyone can.

It seems perfectly appropriate for a 10-year-old.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:14 PM
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It seems perfectly appropriate for a 10-year-old....
who can feather his own mullet.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:19 PM
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Actually, I guess I will watch the Superbowl.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:21 PM
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who can feather his own mullet

Indeed. I have a friend currently who still sports a do not unlike that, and it's a little weird. He accompanies it with a mustache. Well, you know, that's just .. him. It's what he does.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:24 PM
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who can feather his own mullet

I used to be able to feather my own mullet, when I was young and flexible.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:38 PM
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...bisonzzz.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:45 PM
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On the one hand, I think it's time for a haircut, but, on the other, I seem to get recognized at concerts more often when my hair is bigger. (Something that always results in the question, "are you a musician?". No. I just like music.1 That's why you see me in the audience, not on the stage.)

1. Despite having realized that "I don't blow but I'm a fan" was made for this situation, I have not been able to bring myself to say it.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:49 PM
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I got mistaken for a local stage actor today and, separately, carded for beer. Yay, haircuts.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:52 PM
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You joke, but bisonzzz do actually go for that sort of thing.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 8:55 PM
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123

I never get tired of jokes about the auto-erotic practices of bison.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:08 PM
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What about the erotic practices of dinosaurs, Moby?

Cautiously at first, lest he somehow alarm her or turn her off, Joffrey began to lightly rub the area around her velocigina with his chin.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:09 PM
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I wonder if there's erotic fan fiction starring metafilter as an entity? The metafiltogina needs filled.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:10 PM
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I hereby dissolve the "titties" consensus. There is no less sexy a word than "velocigina".


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:11 PM
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Metafilter has a constitutional right to be the subject of erotic fan fiction.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:13 PM
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Speaking of unlikely critters, Sci Fi just finished a movie called "Wyvern" that was basically "Tremors, but with a Dragon and in Alaska." It was bad, but not bad enough. (Though I can't give a full review because I didn't catch the whole movie.)


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:15 PM
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I wonder if there's erotic fan fiction starring metafilter as an entity?

It's in aisle 7A, next to the Hannah-Barbera slash.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:20 PM
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124: You gotta admit, this is a great line:

By now the activity outside the cage had reached 'pandemonium' status.

Orange alert! Pandemonium has been reached!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:29 PM
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Also great:

delicately spraying him with gallons upon gallons of dinosaur sex pheromones she had in some gland that all velociraptors had but that didn't get fossilised with the rest of them because it was too soft somehow

Good prose makes me so glad.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:31 PM
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delicately spraying him with gallons upon gallons of dinosaur sex pheromones she had in some gland that all velociraptors had but that didn't get fossilised with the rest of them because it was too soft somehow

And then SEK walks in on them, ruining the moment.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:41 PM
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It's basically a Farrah minus six inches.

On a ten year old, that's more like Adam Rich on Eight is Enough. Not a bad 'do for a ten year old, for a certain time and place, especially if you want to grow up to have a history of substance abuse.

Other hair-cutting observations: Over Christmas, in the small town my Mom lives in, I saw someone with an honest-to-God business-in-front-party-in-the-back mullet. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I saw someone with perfect a mullet. I wanted to stop and congratulate him.

I tip 20%, or five bucks on a twenty dollar haircut. Just before Christmas, the woman who cuts my hair (and who does a very good job) shaved her head. She's kind of a punk, so it actually looked cute on her, but I kept thinking "You know, that's not such a great advertisement for someone who's job it is to cut hair."

When I was a kid and my Dad worked for the DOD, my brother and I got our hair cut on the base. There were two barbers, a younger guy and an older guy. The younger barber used to cut my hair like, say, Adam Rich, while the older barber just straight up used a clipper on my brother. To this day he still hasn't forgiven me.

(Oh, wonderful tornado watches. January is just too fucking early to start worrying about tornados. Damn.)


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:46 PM
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delicately spraying him with gallons upon gallons of dinosaur sex pheromones she had in some gland that all velociraptors had but that didn't get fossilised with the rest of them because it was too soft somehow

It's moments like this that make life worth living.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 9:47 PM
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Just got a haircut along w/ highlights last week. Only go about twice a year. Have terrible communication problems w/ stylists. What is so hrd to understand when I say clearly, "I don't blow dry my hair, I want a wash, towel dry, comb and go style, no product, part on left because I've got a cowlick there, may as well work with it rather than against it"? So of course they always want to fuss, use at least three different products as they take fifteen minutes to fuss with styling after the cut. Leave between 15-20% despite the communication breakdown.


Posted by: honigessig | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 10:19 PM
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I practically have to bribe a new hairdresser to cut it as short as I like it. No, really, cut it OFF. Do it again, but this time, cut it OFF.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 10:45 PM
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They always love my hair. And hate my veins. I had to have some blood drawn a couple weeks ago, and they ended up taking it from the back of my hand.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 11:16 PM
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Watched Avatar tonight. I swear I thought the Navi were going to start singing My Heart Will Go On in the big final scene.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 11:19 PM
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Her name's Phrenola
She was a head-girl...
(An) if-you're-lumpy-try-elsewhere-instead girl.

At the Salon
Lombrosiaaaano:
(She) said "So mesocephalic!
I like!
" - in italics.
At Lombroooso's,
She fell in love.


Posted by: One of Many | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 11:35 PM
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Well, there is no joy in Mudville. Not only did Favre fail to deliver, but our team didn't even make the top 3 at trivia. Sigh.

I've only started tipping my barber recently, like in the last 8 or 9 years of our 30 year relationship, 'cause I never did when I was a kid, and just never got into the habit. Also, there's the part in Homage to Catalonia where Orwell recounts that after the revolution, the barbers in Barcelona all had signs about how they didn't accept tips anymore because they weren't slaves and could set their own prices. So tipping always makes me a little squick. (Just at the barber shop, of course I automatically tip 20% everywhere else.)


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 11:46 PM
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and I've given everyone in the house an earworm of it. This would have been a better earworm, and also a better sound for the movie . . .


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 11:51 PM
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You make this so easy, neb.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-24-10 11:54 PM
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There's no sex in that.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 12:09 AM
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re: the original topic

A friend's flatmate was told the same thing, years back. Her hairdresser advised her that she might want to try getting a really short haircut [her hair was very long], so she went for the full Sinead O'Connor suede-head look. It did really suit her, although as changes go it was a pretty drastic one.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 12:28 AM
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I'm sure the manual will tell me the difference between the velociraptor and the accelerasauras.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 12:45 AM
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Totally OT: If a prosecution were to collapse prior to the start of a trial, would there (typically) be any public record of any of the evidence etc?


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 1:43 AM
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I mean, very close to the start, but not actually having started.

(As in this case. Because surely there must be something else going on unless the judge and prosecution are (a) immoral or (b) incompetent. And I was wondering if there'd be any way to find out what that was.)


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 1:45 AM
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There's an ad for this on the front page of Haaretz:
http://www.themarker.com/media10/haaretz_com/firer/jan/

It grabbed my attention.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 2:23 AM
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145: I'm pretty sure the the accelerasauras derives from the velociraptor which in turn derives from distantotops.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 5:20 AM
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148: Whoa.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 5:45 AM
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148: Oh dear.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 6:33 AM
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Just got a haircut along w/ highlights last week. Only go about twice a year. Have terrible communication problems w/ stylists. What is so hrd to understand when I say clearly, "I don't blow dry my hair, I want a wash, towel dry, comb and go style, no product, part on left because I've got a cowlick there, may as well work with it rather than against it"? So of course they always want to fuss, use at least three different products as they take fifteen minutes to fuss with styling after the cut. Leave between 15-20% despite the communication breakdown.

They are thinking that you aren't going to style your hair elaborately with product, but that (a) it is nice/expected for you to have salon styling when you've just been to the salon, and (b) that you won't like the way the cut looks unless they make it look as good (to their standards) as they can. Hence the fussing. If you want otherwise, you have to be super, super explicit -- not just that you don't blowdry and that you want a style that doesn't involve products and styling, but that you want to leave the salon that day with wet hair and no product.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 6:38 AM
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140: If the person *owns the shop* they will often (but not always!) say that they don't accept tips because they're the ones taking in all the money. If they don't own the place, you need to tip them, because, like wait staff in restaurants, they're getting paid less (and/or charged rent for their chair!) in expectation of tips.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 6:41 AM
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148: over the last 68 years? That means it was founded in 1942. That's outstanding timing.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 6:49 AM
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I figure if you actually speak German, 'fuehrer' sounds more like a common word and less like a proper noun synonymous with 'Hitler'. I'm surprised the name lasted this long, admittedly -- you'd think in seventy years they'd have run into enough non-German speakers getting freaked out about it to figure it was worth changing.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 7:31 AM
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People who only look at the Hebrew would pronounce the guy's name something like "Firrer", so at least all Israeli clients wouldn't even notice.


Posted by: U. Awl | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 7:37 AM
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153: I learned that as the rule, too. The tricky thing, though, is that I get my hair cut by the shop owner together with my best friend. My friend always tips, and so I feel like I'm being cheap if I don't. It's a pretty brand new business and she's been cutting my hair since she was still a peon at someone else's salon, so I figure maybe I should be tipping anyway by way of acknowledging that new business startups are hard. (Before her, I went probably 10 years without a professional cut due to traumatic experiences elsewhere.)


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 7:42 AM
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155: It's an Israeli firm.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 8:28 AM
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Sure, but it's a fair guess that an Israeli with a German name in 1942 was born in Germany and spoke German. When he founded the firm, using his last name probably sounded to him like naming the firm "Leader", not "Hitler".


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 8:32 AM
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I wonder if there is a guy in Madrid or Barcelona wondering whether to buy more advertising for Caudillo Carpeting.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 11:14 AM
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If a prosecution were to collapse prior to the start of a trial, would there (typically) be any public record of any of the evidence etc?

All the reports and everything will still exist, but those might not be publicly accessible.

What I'm guessing happened in that case is that there was evidence and/or admissions that the men had sex with her but no injuries or other evidence of coercion. If you've got a he said/she said case that relies on "of course she didn't want a gangbang with five strangers", and then the defense presents of bunch of her writings where she states her love of stranger gangbang, I could see how the prosecution might think their chance if getting to "beyond reasonable doubt" is shot.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 01-25-10 11:25 AM
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