http://lmgtfy.com/?q=how+to+avoid+a+rental+scam+on+craigslist
1 is remarkably dickish for a lurker. I look forward to the cake.
I always find the lmgtfy response to be a dick move, but it is a sadder one when the link is in no way disguised. Why would one click that?
I know I can google it. Just thought the hivemind might have some superior advice. m_leblanc, for example, is supposed to be a master apartment seeker and has offered to help me out. Maybe some of you have similar skillz.
Blume is an awesome apartment seeker, but I have no idea what her secret is.
I have never rented an apartment, but in my observation, significant problems tend to come from:
1. Not knowing in advance what *you* want in an apt. (E.g. if you don't care about parking, don't let someone sell you on a place you don't like because OMG IT HAS PARKING!!)
2. Not going and visiting the place in person. Seeing the next-door neighbors, the physical condition of the property, smelling whether your potential landlord is a smoker (if that bothers you), actually checking out the trek from the nearest transit stop to see if it's pleasant and safe -- you cannot do this stuff from your computer, nay, not even with Google StreetView.
3. Not having a well-tuned baloney detector. Every scam I've heard of had giant warning flags all over it.* If you want to delude yourself, there are plenty of people out there to help you. But most scams are not hard to spot. If you're thinking, "This doesn't make any sense," it's a scam. Even if you can't spot the potential benefit to the scammer.
*Granted, I can also cite two cases that had warning flags that turned out not to be a scam, or at least not one that harmed the renter, but I wouldn't have wanted to be in that kind of cash-only situation. YMMV.
Test the faucets, toilet, and bath/shower. I learned to do this after renting a place where the water fixtures for the bath/shower were very temperamental. Too many cold showers. Also, the tub didn't drain well. Yuck.
Good thing about looking at this time of year is that you can tell if the place has sufficient heat. Also, if it is drafty it won't hold AC in the summer (if it has AC).
One oddball habit I've picked up is to turn on the water in the shower to gauge the pressure and how quickly it gets hot. For some reason this seems to make landlords think I'm detail-oriented and a good potential occupant.
Another question I always have: who cuts the grass and how often (if there's grass)?
I used a realtor to find our place here in VA. They help with rentals, not just places for sale, and are generally paid by the landlord, so there's no cost for the renter. Moving here from across the country with no idea about the area, it was extraordinarily helpful, and they have access to a lot of listings beyond what's on Craigslist. Yeah, you'd still be "missing out" on the CL rite of passage or whatever, but I wouldn't exactly say you'd be missing much.
Witt's is very helpful.
Another small item that might be important: gas versus electric stoves. I discovered that I have a profound bias toward gas.
Things that I do know about our apartment search: it pays to not be in a hurry; if you can start your search early and be flexible about dates, you have more chance of finding something really nice.
Our apartment was kind of an oddball; it was listed by the owner, who didn't really know how to maximize his craigslist chances. He only listed it once, and the pictures were kind of terrible. Blume went to visit it without much hope that it would be good, because it was cheap and had no fee, and was shocked at how good it was. We were actually a bit concerned that it might have been a scam, but the landlord seemed really nice and lived in the building. And then it wasn't a scam!
Summary: I have no useful advice, but my apartment is awesome.
I believe there is generally some room to negotiate the rent. A month rent free or the like seems to be a fairly common incentive. Keep in mind your negotiating position is best for the initial lease.
As for getting ripped off some common sense should minimize the risk. Similarly for personal safety.
I wonder if there are certain neighborhoods vstly over- or under- represented among scams.
I discovered that I have a profound bias toward gas.
Yes, I like things that are better than other things, myself.
I believe there is generally some room to negotiate the rent. A month rent free or the like seems to be a fairly common incentive. Keep in mind your negotiating position is best for the initial lease.
This is very location-dependent. Around here, nobody's giving you a month free. The best you can do is an apartment that doesn't have a broker's fee and a security deposit and last month's rent due at lease signing.
Summary: I have no useful advice, but my apartment wife is awesome.
Subtle bragging is the best bragging.
m/d's point about stoves is important. It's really important to know your own preferences. I'm more fussy about high ceilings than almost anyone I know, which on some level is silly, and on another level is important. I've never lived in a place with low ceilings.
This is very location-dependent. Around here, nobody's giving you a month free.
That sounds right. I got into my current rental house when the market was turning south, so we negotiated down the rent from $980 to $875, and also talked the landlord into adding a dishwasher and a lawnmower (the machine; we do the mowing) and an improvement on the back porch.
I've lived in one place with seriously low ceilings and another with not-high ceilings. The low ceilings caused existential pain. The average-low ceilings made the apartment seem just a little danker and darker than it should. High ceilings for the serious win.
In college my buddies and I looked at a little house with one room that was fully carpeted (floor, walls & ceiling) in green shag. We came close to renting it for that reason alone.
Our ceilings are not that high (9', maybe?) but the apartment's really sunny, which has made me realize that I care less about high ceilings than I thought I did, and really am mostly concerned with light.
and really am mostly concerned with light
If you bedazzle your business, you'll get a lot more sympathetic reflections. Of course, you'll have to walk around with no pants. Which, bonus.
you'll have to walk around with no pants
You walk around the house with pants on? Talk about a missed opportunity.
Look for water damage, especially if you're on the top floor. Top floors are good - more light, no obnoxious stomping from above. Check carefully for mice shit and little holes along the baseboards. Make sure you control your own heat levels, especially if heat's included. If you like the place but don't know the neighbourhood well, think of the amenities you want, and see how convenient they are. ALso wander around after dark and see how comfortable you are and check noise levels.
20, 22 I like high ceilings, but you guys sound like my mom who grew up in a place with four meter ceilings.
The best you can do is an apartment that doesn't have a broker's fee
Broker's fee? I've only ever rented in the Bay Area, so I have no idea what the hell this is.
Two things to keep in mind:
1) Does the place have storage? (My apartment doesn't, and it's a little bit of an inconvenience.)
2) Are there enough washers/dryers for the number of units? When I was looking for an apartment last year, I ruled out one place in part because it had a single washer and dryer for 20 units.
Talk to other tenants, ask your friends if they currently or in the past lived in good apartments. Just about every suggestion above is valid to be careful of.
I would never rent without seeing the place, nosing around and asking about/looking at everything. Dishonest, predatory or negligent managers/owners abound and it's best to avoid them.
I have often showed apts for my landlord. It's really obnoxious because, for various reasons, my landlord's CL ads are pretty much indistinguishable from scams. He's a bad speller, lies slightly about the size/amenities of the apartments, demands that tenants take the apartment on first sight, never appears in the building himself, does not like to talk to potential tenants on the phone, and will not willingly share the name of the group that owns the building. Usually people are used to this kind of stuff in NYC and it's no big whoop. But in the last few years, people have gotten super-suspicious. At least half of the time I spend showing an apartment is trying to answer the question, "How do I know this isn't a scam?"
I used to try to come up with answers, but the only one that is worth offering is, "Look, lady, do you want the fucking apartment or not? Stop wasting my time."
30 last is not because I'm not sympathetic to suspicious renters, but because I know my landlord won't tolerate them. He hates suspicious people and they will be unhappy in the building. Either you take it on sight and like the setup or you're a litigious person who complains about everything, in his formulation. I hate being put in that position and have refused to show the last several apartments because of this.
Talking to current tenants, if possible, is a good suggestion. I remember almost renting a house until we chatted with the current tenants. With little prodding they offered up that the basement flooded almost weekly with sewage and the landlord was a sketchball and hard to get in touch with when there was a problem.
I think the question we asked was something like, "What are you looking for in your next dwelling that this one didn't offer?"
Broker's fee? I've only ever rented in the Bay Area, so I have no idea what the hell this is.
In Boston (but nowhere else I've lived) apartment brokers charge a fee to the people who rent the apartments they list.
30, 31: why on earth are you showing apartments for your landlord? Is he paying you?
Of course, you'll have to walk around with no pants.
Pull them back up before the Burger King drive through. I ticketed a guy last night for that little stunt. Thank god he managed to get them up before I walked up to his car.
What's fun as hell is asking about his "friend" in the passenger seat. I like to let guys get creative with their story for a bit before I let them know I recognize the passenger as one of the local hookers.
He only listed it once, and the pictures were kind of terrible there were no pictures.
I really have no idea why I ever looked at this place. Random chance FTW!
It's bewildering how many different conventions there are for renting apartments and paying fees. I never encountered the credit check aspect until a couple of years ago. A few years before that, I was shocked when I tried to rent an apartment and was told I needed to pay a $100 fee for them to process my application. Then I found a better, cheaper, more convenient place the next week. What a waste of $100.
34: Yes, I get a fee for renting them. When the market was better, it was so easy because the first person who looked at an apartment would take it; the fee was great for the hour of work I did. But the fee is the same whether I spend one hour or ten, and renters have gotten a lot more demanding. For the last three apartments I've shown, people have come in, signed paperwork, providing credit info, left a deposit, and then disappeared, never signing a lease. So then I have to start all over again. It is incredibly sucky.
Commercial enterprises that list everywhere and feature in _For Rent_ glossies at the 7-11 cost 50 % more in rent than a similar space on the same block
from a harder-to-contact owner without a marketing staff who owns 12 or fewer units. Marketing staff may not be responsible for maintenance, so the benefit to
renter of easy of contact staff wanes after lease-signing.
||
This juicebag lawyer wank in the café I'm in was just bragging that he was the first google result of "[his name] Charlottesville". I kind of want to pull up his law firm's page so that it's viewable to him and stare at him all crazy-like.
Wait. Never mind. He left.
|>
In Boston (but nowhere else I've lived) apartment brokers charge a fee to the people who rent the apartments they list.
I'm kind of baffled that something like this has managed to survive the advent of Craigslist. The owners/management companies don't post ads themselves?
41: nope. They have the brokers post ads on craigslist for them.
I almost took a place in Inwood about six years ago, but they wanted a photograph of me with the credit check info. The woman who showed it kept stressing that although the neighborhood was "locals," the building was all full of "actors and artists." AFAICT, they wanted to make sure I was white. I didn't take it.
42 continued: I think (although I could be wrong) that some of the management companies act as their own brokers, so it's really just another fee they get to tack on. I blame the students.
42: Are the brokers also responsible for showing the apartments? I'm trying to figure out what the owners/managers get out of the deal.
There are people who watch the craigslist housing wanted ads looking for people they think they want to rent to who do not post ads themselves. I had two good experiences posting on the DC craigslist and finding a place I wouldn't have found had I stuck to the ads other people posted.
All real estate is local.
In NYC, CL has so many generic pseudo listings for brokers, but they are really just teasers to get you to work with the broker rather than to promote a specific apt.
Why not be a house sitting hobo consultant in a foreclosure ?
How is the market where the OP is ? (Hot and under snow ?)
45: I think they do tenant screening, maybe?
43: I once refused to take an apartment when I learned that the landlord's weird emphasis on there being "no bugs in the building" was creepy racist code shit. It went right past me. The broker told me after "You realize what that was, right?" and I was shocked and told him no way would I live there. And the broker said, "Good. Fuck him."
49: that's a pretty obscure code. I guess I don't hang out with enough racists?
Brokers show the apartments and also run the credit checks. Sometimes they also deal with handing over the keys to the new tenants. The relationship between broker and potential tenant is terrible, because although ideally the broker is working for the potential tenant, helping that person find what s/he's looking for, in reality brokerages have all kinds of reasons for trying to steer you into one apartment or the other. And not just the larger fee on more expensive apartments. A broker once tried to talk me into a different apartment than the one I wanted, because they had just started showing this landlord's places and they wanted to rent something for her as soon as possible.
50: I certainly never caught on, but I did notice and found it odd how it kept repeating it meaningfully.
There are apartment brokers in SF that you have to pay (or at least there used to be), but you pay them upfront and it's a flat fee, rather than being pegged to rent.
Can it be that nobody has mentioned Mole? Watch out for Mole, and don't take anyone's word for it if they promise to cock.
I once showed an apt to a really nice transwoman. She really wanted it, but was super-nervous that the landlord would be queer-phobic. My landlord might be queer-phobic, but is mostly just totally clueless. "So when Patricia showed up, did she bring her brother with her? She must be pretty shy because she had her brother pretend to be her on the phone. She must be pretty weird. I don't think I want to rent to her."
Having to explain transsexuals to your landlord is not fun. The woman burst into tears while filling out the app, upon finding out the landlord was religious, and just left.
Ugh. I have seen some terrible Mole in apartment bathrooms, and have had brokers stand there and tell me there is nothing wrong with this bathroom. So fraught! You want so badly to find an apartment, and at the same time not to give this motherfucker a cent of your money.
There are apartment brokers in SF that you have to pay (or at least there used to be), but you pay them upfront and it's a flat fee, rather than being pegged to rent.
Yeah, I used one when I first moved here; they operated as a clearinghouse for ads, and would also handle credit checks and had a standard application form. But the one I used has been out of business for ages.
57: yeah, I wondered if they would have survived CL's dominance.
Yeah, I used one when I first moved here; they operated as a clearinghouse for ads, and would also handle credit checks and had a standard application form. But the one I used has been out of business for ages.
I remember calling up every morning for my recorded listings.
they wanted a photograph of me
Holy crap, that's awful. Did you report them to the Fair Housing Council? Or at least post a blunt message about them on CL?
60: I told the woman showing the apartment that I thought that was pretty creepy, and she quickly responded, "Oh, most of us are actors in this building, of course, and we're used to attaching headshots to everything. The landlord decided he really liked it!" Uh, yeah, in that a bunch of white good-looking people enjoy being judged on the basis of their appearance. Not surprising at all!
No, I didn't report them. Should have.
Totally OT question, but you know how Jennifer Love-Hewitt is going around talking about her vajazzling habit? (i.e., having someone glue a hand-sized design made of crystals to her mons) How in the hell are you supposed to have intercourse without tearing a hand-sized hole in your partner's gut? Is vajazzling just further proof that "feeling pretty" and fucking are actually mutually exclusive?
From behind? In front of a full length mirror, perhaps?
62: Not to mention that rhinestones and condoms are kind of a bad combination.
You should probably install some kind of special lighting in your designated sex room, too, to show off the crystals to their best advantage.
63: I guess? It seems like all the marketing around vajazzling is of the "feel pretty about your vagina" type, rather than anything having to do with sex. But that's true for just about anything having to do with beauty. I'm just surprised to see a product that seems so obviously "sexy" and yet clearly preventative of sex. That's sort of a fetish of its own I guess.
This suggests a use for Prince's "box, with a mirror and a tongue inside*", which has always baffled me. (Although my objection still stands, which is that holding a box with a tongue to one's bejazzled parts still doesn't explain how the mirror gets used. (No eyes to see, in either the adorned parts or the tongue.)
*Prince, New Power Generation. "Gett off."
Diamonds and Peals. Prince, 1991
I think one should install recessed lighting around one's genitals.
68: Prince, New Power Generation. "Gett off."
A #1 Jam of mine in high school, junior year.
Hee. I was actually contemplating a lighting system, to make those crystals sparkle.
I mean, thinking that a different person, one who would vajazzle herself and have a full length mirror to admire herself being fucked from behind, would need such a lighting system.
72: OK, but I think you'd need sort of a series of mirrors, unless your boyfriend is really short and you can do it standing. Maybe he is in a chair?
Even still, I think the angles are all wrong for mirror-peepage unless you spend a lot of time planning lighting and angles, in which case, I think I've lost my erection by then.
I'll have to defer to someone with expertise in the matter. I certainly don't know.
I'm just surprised to see a product that seems so obviously "sexy" and yet clearly preventative of sex.
It seems like a general extension of the phenomenon of discomfort not being seen as incompatible with joy and pleasure.
It took me a long time to understand that being cold, hot, in pain, cramped, etc. does not make every person's ability to be relaxed, sensual or sexual go away. That said, for some of us it's pretty zero-sum.
I think I've lost my erection by then.
Put a rhinestone on that cock ring!
It took me a long time to understand that being cold, hot, in pain, cramped, etc. does not make every person's ability to be relaxed, sensual or sexual go away.
It matters a lot if there is adrenaline associated with the discomforts.
Ok, figured it out. Reverse cowgirl works, as does both kneeling, girl in front (vajazzles thus visible to both). Now I'm going to go write my dissertation and stop thinking of ways to view one's own crystal-coated vagina during heterosexual intercourse.
Is this all a big misunderstanding about "the family jewels"?
Also, I must not have a clear idea about where these shiny stones are being placed. Why reverse cowgirl?
Now your solving muscles are all warmed up! Writing will be comparatively easy!
Maybe we will develop a whole Cosmo-induced fad where lovers must pretend the rhinestones are actually erotic centers, and lick them and tickle them as though they were sentient.
Why reverse cowgirl?
I tried to come up with an ASCII depiction of why reverse works and regular doesn't, but then I remembered I have to turn in a chapter on Tuesday. Ask Jammies to help you do an experiment! (You can draw a smiley face if you don't want to invest in crystals.)
Might as well draw a smiley face. It sounds like she doesn't even have special lighting installed. Rhinestones would be wasted.
81: I posted pictures in the other thread, heebie.
I misunderstood the trend and poured Crystal Pepsi™ on my jam. What a waste of that vintage soda pop beverage.
Make a checklist of things you want in an apartment so you can make a rapid objective evaluation. I actually assign points and have an aggregate score for the whole apartment. Rent gets 1 point per $50 below my absolute limit value. Laundromat on the block 1 point, laundry in the building 2 points, laundry in the unit 4 points. Half a point per closet, etc.
81, maybe this [slightly NSFW] will help the visualization. I think forward cowgirl wouldn't be problematic in itself, but it does invite transition toward woman-on-top missionary.
81, maybe this [slightly NSFW] will help the visualization. I think forward cowgirl wouldn't be problematic in itself, but it does invite transition toward woman-on-top missionary.
91: Not only is it easier to lean way back in reverse, but also, the dude's head isn't in the way when looking in the mirror.
Wait, I can't believe that vajazzling isn't just the name you all made up to make fun of this concept. They really call it that.
81:
http://www.theluxuryspot.com/2010/02/23/i-got-vajazzled-and-had-a-camera-crew/
(Somewhat NSFW)
Ideal Vajazzling Position Requirements:
1) Will not tear a hole in partner's flesh.
2) Does not require special lighting.
3) Provides clear view for at least one partner (bonus for two).
4) Requires only one mirror, preferably without needing it to be hung at a special angle.
5) Does not particularly make either partner look too gross.
Send me photos (you can draw a smiley if you don't have access to Swarovski crystals and Superglue) and I will judge them. Photo should be taken in a mirror.
hung at a special angle
Laydeez...
68: That song is awesome, and I still have no idea what that lyric means.
As Bamboozled and Bedazzled, so Bamboobled and Vajazzled.
Please clarify "too gross".
Boobalie boo, boobalie boo,
Magic and wonder are waiting for you.
Starring Ben Vereen! This was lost on me at the time.
101: The furry aspect was also lost on me at the time.
99: Always let your gag reflex be your guide.
Snake trap would work great, I think, and you wouldn't even need a mirror.
For some reason Zoobilee Zoo made me think of Today's Special, which I suppose I would've been watching around the same town. Weird show.
84: Wouldn't need the link if the <pre> tag were supported on this blog.
The Craigslist renting experience seems to vary a lot from city to city.
In the bay area you mostly get accurate ads placed by the owners or building managers. You figure out what kind of place you want, you look for a bunch of listings that match, and you go until you find one you want.
In NYC there are lots of ads from brokers which are misleading, and where they meet you at their office instead of at the building. Then they want to show you a bunch of places, usually doing something sneaky where you see several shit-holes and then one place that's more expensive than you wanted. You can still work things out with persistence, but it's a very different experience.
The place I'm renting at the moment is a screamingly awful shack, described by the realtor as a ``three bedroom weatherboard bungalow, incredibly cold and somewhat run down'', with all sorts of dodgy things like a light switch with exposed contacts, so I am no flatting-ninja, but always always check heating.
(It is on the market, but nobody ever told us, which is illegal as fuck. As is the fact that the landlord never repairs fuck all. Any NZ tenancy lawyers around?)
In NYC there are lots of ads from brokers which are misleading, and where they meet you at their office instead of at the building. Then they want to show you a bunch of places, usually doing something sneaky where you see several shit-holes and then one place that's more expensive than you wanted.
We've just been looking in London, and that's the modus operandi. We feel lucky that we are only required to pay 1 month's deposit, one month's rent in advance, and the guts of 200 quid in fees. At least one agency wanted 400 quid+ in fees.
Is the rental market better than it was, say, 5 years ago? The last time I was shopping around for a place, the worst of it was that if you didn't signal a wish to take the place basically at first sight (pending approval of application/credit check), you'd be out of luck. It seemed that every place I looked at or inquired about was gone within a day or two at most. Not a few places were actually having designated open house hours rather than making individual appointments, and your place in line determined whether you might get the place.
No way was there time to talk to other tenants and so on. I wound up subletting a room from a friend for several months in order to buy more time to find a place.
I'd kind of been assuming it was the same now, so the prospect of moving has taken on a horror show aspect.
Fees for what? Paying for a credit check or something? I'm quite sure my landlord pocketed those fees rather than paying Equifax or whomever for the check. No fucking way my roommates' credit score would have passed muster.
re: 110
Can't speak for the USA, but in London, yeah. If you don't take it within a few hours of seeing it, it will be gone. Oxford isn't quite so time pressured, but is fairly similar in terms of letting agent's fees, and rental prices.
110
Is the rental market better than it was, say, 5 years ago? ...
This will be location dependent. Lots of places have plenty of vacancies.
I'm not sure where one would look for figures on all this -- it's seemed to me that with as many home foreclosures as there are (in the US), many of those former homeowners are surely looking for rentals now, so the rental market must be a seller's (landlord's) market, and open rental spaces would be scarce.
On a side note, in any number of places, local laws require that a landlord give only one month's notice to tenants that the current place must be vacated; 5 years ago or so, it was damned difficult to find a new place within a month.
Is the rental market better than it was, say, 5 years ago?
it's seemed to me that with as many home foreclosures as there are (in the US), many of those former homeowners are surely looking for rentals now
I kind of figured that, but a different effect is trumping that here. The rub is, landlords won't rent to people without jobs. So the whole thing's a mess, but rental and sale prices are down-down-down locally.
I misunderstood the trend and poured Crystal Pepsi™ on my jam. What a waste of that vintage soda pop beverage.
Yeah, but surely you have another $27.99.
I believe I will poke around Craigslist, just to see. Even a couple of years ago, it was too depressing to bother doing so.
On yet another note! I've always preferred to rent directly from a landlord. That is, deal with an ad placed, and phone calls fielded, by the landlord her- or himself. They tend to be more interested in things like your prospective stability and responsibility as a tenant; they want to meet you in person.
Then, of course, you proceed to charm and/or reassure the pants off them.
Tips for apartment hunting in apt complexes!
1. open the sink cupboards. Examine the way that the holes for the pipes have been cut. If they are done correctly, that is a good sign. If they're just jagged holes, run the hell away. Sniff while you are down there. Any strange smells are a bad sign.
2. Open closets. Sniff in the closets. If the closets smell odd, and a different kind of odd than outside the closet, that is a bad sign.
3. Make sure every single light in the place works. Make sure all the blinds work, and all the windows. Make sure there is water pressure in all outlets, as mentioned above. Run the dishwasher and make sure it works. Check to make sure there is no broken glass or weird bits in the bottom of it. Run the disposal and make sure the same applies. Make sure that the piping for the washer and dryer, if there, are correctly done. I don't know much about plumbing, but if it makes you think 'what the hell drunk meth-head did THAT?!' it is not correctly done.
4. Look at the cars in the parking lot. Are they all apparently in running order? Are they all relatively tidy? Is there broken car glass anywhere that you can see? What kind of stickers do the cars have? More than two band stickers per car could mean you're in a student hell that turns into party central on the weekends.
5. Look for people walking around. Do they look normal, for a loose value of normal? Do they look relatively happy or at least not homicidal and deranged? Is there an unusually high number of people loitering around in the middle of the day when people are usually at work? Do you see anyone walking about with alcohol in the middle of the day? Do you see empty alcohol containers lying about outside?
6. If the apartment complex allows pets, do they have restrictions on breed and number? Do all the previous questions lead you to believe they actually follow those rules? Do you see pet waste lying about the buildings? Are the pets that you may see healthy, well-cared-for, and lacking conspicuous battle scars? Are they on-lead? These may not be as important if you don't have a dog, but if you have a dog you will want to know that you won't have to stop some beast with a cinderblock head from eating your own beloved pet.
7. Do the staff in the rental office answer questions without hesitation? Do they seem stable? If you go back more than once, do the same people still appear to work there? That, of course, only applies if you start looking for an apartment months before you actually plan to move, as I do.
8. Are there stains on the walls? Stains on the carpet? Will they let you look at the actual apartment you plan to rent, or only a model?
9. Do the fire alarms work? Is there a good seal around the door and windows? Does the door have a metal plate on the door and sill to help prevent break-ins? Do you have a peephole and a secondary means of locking the door in addition to a deadbolt? Can people easily see into your apartment from outside if you are opening your door? Can people tell what apartment you are entering without you being able to see them? Is the apartment complex well-lit and well maintained?
10. Most important - drive through the area at different times of the day and night over several weeks. Make sure that the peaceful neighborhood you see during the day stays quiet at night.
Alas, my apartment before this one was the one from which I acquired most of that knowledge, and it was hard-won. By the end I was on two different kinds of anti-anxiety drug simply to be able to nerve myself to go home to it.
Is the rental market better than it was, say, 5 years ago?
Location, location, location. My area is more expensive than it was five years ago by a considerable margin, courtesy of gentrification. For New York in general, not so much since 2003 was the bottom of the rental market after the dot com 9/11 crash and it took a while to go back up. Re brokers, I ended up having a good experience with them, but only after lots of crap, e.g. the '1BR' that was a small studio with a decent sized (c. 80ft) walk in closet. Windowless of course. But that same agency indirectly got me this place. The owner walked by as I was talking with my broker, asked what I was looking for and said not to waste my time in Park Slope, try Clinton Hill instead. No she didn't have apartments there, but there were agencies that did, and I'd get an apartment I like for the price I was looking for rather than overpriced crap. Back in 2002 the contrast in value for money between here and Park Slope was jaw dropping.
Talking about gentrification, what term would you use to describe the same phenomenon for foods. I just saw hanger steak at $15/pound at my local high end foodie store. Decent but nothing special quality beef. I can buy great dry aged prime ribeye or shell for $16 at my favorite Manhattan butcher's. Five years ago at the now defunct little hole in the wall that fulfilled that function here, hanger ran for about $6 a pound. Also seen happening with oxtail and bacon. The exact same bacon I was buying five years ago for $4 now goes for $11. So, in the interest of poorer foodies all over the country, let me spread the word: tripe is disgusting, don't eat it, you don't even want to try it, never listen to anyone who says differently. Avoid calf liver. You've read Roth, you know what those butcher boys have been doing, right?. Sherry is also a terrible thing, don't waste your time or palate on it. If you do try it, remember, that sort of strange oxidized almost briny flavor - a clear sign the bottle has gone bad.
120
1. Oops
2. think of it as free incense
5. IOW, avoid places with diss phase grad students
8. It dates to the Civil War, not all parts have been replaced.
9. Meh, installing a lock is easy and cheap. Rotted through holes in the window frames make sure you won't worry about gas leaks or CO, plus it'll make the landlord very eager to rent to a less than ideal tenant.
I love my apartment, really.
Location, location, location.
No doubt.
98: Shouldn't it be "vagazzling" or, better, "vulvazzling"?
125: "Vulvazzling" seems to work okay (although it's important to note that the actual area being bedazzled doesn't seem to be the vulva any more than it's the vagina), but "vagazzling" suffers from the common problem of attempts to abbreviate "vagina": the context-dependent pronunciation of "g" in English orthography. There is no elegant solution to this problem.
125, 126: you're misunderstanding the etmology: the "vaj" is from "vajayjay". Okay, maybe this doesn't solve teo's elegance problem.
More importantly, what is the word for male vajazzling? Bedongzzling? Bajazzalling?
For the women here: should you want to make a funny joke whilst out on the town tonight, hold both hands near your crotch, splay them outwards in a whimsical fashion, and shout "vajazzhands!"
More importantly, what is the word for male vajazzling?
Low hanging fruit
Pubervesence.
Mons nitentis.
Snatch spangling.
what is the word for male vajazzling?
Gold Mansacks.
Honestly, if you came home one night completely by surprise with a busily bejeweled scrotum, your partner's probably not going to think "awww yeah, baby." But they would laugh so hard that they would be in a good mood for a week, and that's nothing to sneeze at.
So, laydeez, what would be your reaction if your date's family jewels turned out to be bejeweled? I think if I saw a women with the original link version I'd stare and be curious what the hell that feels like. Fascinated, but not necessarily in a sexual way.
I think if I saw a women with the original link version I'd stare and be curious what the hell that feels like.
I think I would just be puzzled. I mean, what's the point of this supposed to be?
what's the point of this supposed to be?
SURPRISE!
I suppose I would be surprised to discover it. So, there's that.
IIRC, Jennifer Love Hewitt claims to do it to help feel good about herself.
Hey, if it works for her, I'm not going to object.
what is the word for male vajazzling?
Gilding the lily.
Disco balls is perhaps unbeatable. But how about: hedazzling, thingbling, tooljewels, or itchy.
Can't beat disco balls with a stick.
How about dangle-spangling? Cockerating?
"Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion."
"You'll never get that past Snape's sphincter without lubrication, Harry."
Hermoine stepped forward and took a closer look at the Sparkle Wang.
"Harry! How did you ever get Hagrid to make a mold of his penis for you?!?"
People, I am stuck proctoring a test for the next three and a half hours. I do not believe that you-all have tapped out the comedy inherent in the bedazzled vulva.
Yes, people, continue to tap that vulva.
For the record, I really think "WTF" would be a great vajazzled design.
Is this the part where we suggest designs for the vajazzlement? In suggest initials.
Tap gently, however, lest ye prematurely dislodge those stones.
As for designs, I'd suggest a gothic flamboyant.
You could go minimal with just a bar sinister...
Yes, Blume! My initials! On everyone! WTF.
The dislodgement of those stones might result in their being lodged firmly somewhere else.
164: I have actually given this scenario a certain amount of thought. Ouch.
165:
Exactly! Who wants a bunch of stones imbedded in your forehead!
A skilled crystal-applier could even create little portraits, like of Elvis or Michael Jackson!
Of course, at that point, you might consider getting a tattoo.
JM:
This sounds like a business opportunity for you! You could paint original crystal-applications for vajazzling.
169: Butthead always claimed his tattoo would be a butt on a butt on a butt -- so, uh, componendo, that does suggest interesting things for vajazzlement.
Yes, I suppose I could do that. God only knows what the target demographic of this particular trend is, however.
172: The Virgin of Guadalupe! Calvin pissing on something! Lots of LV branding!
Throw in a Hello Kitty or two, and we'd have a complete line!
Calvin pissing onto the clitoral hood would be a good one.
168: I suppose the moment has passed?
Oh dear. Will la famille du CA be broken apart forever do to today's hockey game? The perils of dual allegiance!
No hockey spoilers until I'm caught up to real time!
No one tell Tweety that it is CANADA vs. US.
So, the bejewelled lower belly glue-job is temporary, is it not? The glued things fall off at some point? (How's that work? You have to pick at your lower belly carefully at some point?)
This comment comes on the heels of having read the link at 176. Not the same as a tattoo!
Apparently the adhesive lasts about five days. Then you're picking crystals out of your underwear.
I was thinking that the next step in stupid body adornment could be implanted LEDs in pretty patterns.
Then you're picking crystals out of your underwear.
Potential disaster. Ouch when simply taking a pee.
It's reminding me of coloring your hair: it looks really bad after a while as the color grows out, so you become a perpetual customer.
Spoilers okay now! I'm caught up!
I guess that "USA" vajazzling visible up the stands answers our questions.
I've never understood how people become perpetual customers of the Brazilian. It looks good for a total of about 3-5 days. It's hideous the day you get it done and the next day. If you manage to take care of or avoid too many nasty ingrown hairs, it'll look clean for the rest of the week. Then it starts growing in again all patchy and weird. IIRC, most porn actresses just shave.
It's hideous the day you get it done and the next day.
Benadryl cream. Voilà.
190: Really? That's interesting. I used to work at the prime location for supermodel/actress Brazilians and no one ever mentioned this. I think maybe they were trying to sell some totally ineffective product we offered.
I thought the idea with leg waxing, at least, was that if you kept on waxing for long enough, you'd damage the hair follicles and you'd have less hair to deal with. Maybe a weekly Brazilian starts being less traumatic after a few months.
Also, the Brazilian implies a level of disposable income that's kind of shocking. You're not going to spend $50-100 on your patootie hair and then skimp on your head hair! Would you really get a Brazilian and not your legs waxed? (Maybe, I guess...) And then once you've done all that, it would be silly not to get the comparatively cheap manicure! Before you know it, you're spending like $300 a month on beauty products and services. Insanity!
Better to stay off the primrose path entirely, says I. Cleanliness for the rubes.
Actually, I have no real idea how much any of this crap costs. Scraping dead skin off with a clamshell has historically been inexpensive, however.
Oh my God, only three more minutes of this SAT hell.
Thirty more seconds....and YES! I AM OUTTA HERE!!!!11
$300 a month
That estimate is way, way low. WAY low, at least for most of the clients we had. A facial alone is $120. Body scrub = $90. Massage = $150. Mani/pedi = $65. Now add in haircut, color, makeup, moisturizer, body lotion, cleanser, exfoliant, toner, night serum, day serum, perfume, hair products. $300/month on beauty shit would make you a low-maintenance woman in a lot of NYC circles.
(Those prices are seven years out of date, too, so I'm sure it's a lot more now.)
And that's not counting pilates class, yoga, capillary zapping, cellulite treatment, Botox, acupuncture, personal trainer, workout clothing, etc.
Also, the Brazilian implies a level of disposable income that's kind of shocking.
Indeed.
Halfway watching hockey doesn't really work, does it? People keep skating back and forth, the announcers keep prattling on at a roughly constant level of excitement, then I look away from the screen for a minute and hear "SCORE!"
It's a little like halfway watching soccer. It helps to have a DVR, but if you want to see things happen as they happen you have to pay attention.
Also, the Brazilian implies a level of disposable income that's kind of shocking.
I'm glad someone else brought this up. Vajazzling made me think more of late-stage capitalism than of sex.
The idea that people ever watched hockey on TV without HD is also a little implausible.
204: Yes, this. Also, didn't they once have a little yellow circle around the puck?
205: Fox tried it for a while when they had the NHL rights, but I recall it was generally agreed to be extremely stupid.
late-stage capitalism
It may be too early in the day (waning afternoon) to talk about this, JMcQ. People get upset.
206: I thought they used a blue comety thing. I actually liked it when the puck was down near the boards on the camera side of the rink.
Middle-stage capitalism. Late-stage capitalism begins with the next financial crisis.
Nope, sorry. Globalization and mass consumption puts us squarely in late-stage capitalism.
The periodization implicit in "late" or "late-stage" capitalism has always seemed kind of odd to me, as if we already know what's happened after.
The periodization implicit in "late" or "late-stage" capitalism has always seemed kind of odd to me
Sexist.
Anarchy? The "Road Warrior" kind, not the one where the state withers away and everybody doesn't start trying to kill everybody.
211: WELL YOU SEEM PRETTY ODD TO ME TOO, BUD.
I'm with FA. Calling something "late" is just tempting fate to think of something worse if only to make you use awkward terminology like "postmodern."
The idea that people ever watched hockey on TV without HD is also a little implausible.
Why? You can always tell where the puck is by watching the players.
If you watch baseball, you can always tell where the ball is when the Pirates are at bat. The pitcher or the catcher always has it.
When the goalie looks back and then slams his stick or gloves or helmet in disgust, that usually means the puck crossed the goal-line.
122: I just bought a bottle of sherry not three days ago (at the same time as the fir tree brandy). My apologies.
Re: Craigslist, I've been told that there's a problem with a bait and switch where people advertise one great place but only as a hook and only have crappier places to show. Don't know how big a problem that is, or how to avoid it.
Personally, when I found my current home I replied to probably about 10 ads, wound up finding three where the renter replied to me and it was still available and I went to check them out, and decided on the third one. Hindsight being 20/20, either of the first two places probably had better locations, but I probably didn't even know the area well enough to figure that out at the time. So I guess that's advice: know the area you're moving to or talk to people who do.
158
Is this the part where we suggest designs for the vajazzlement? In suggest initials.
Whose?
Your own? I would hope no one needs the reminder. The implication that the reminder might be needed might even be off-putting. And I guess there might be something empowering or reaffirming about it - what do I know, I'm not a woman - but it seems that lots of things would be even more empowering than that, even if just in a beautification sense. Or maybe the initials of your partner in a committed relationship? Maybe, but the same problem with reminders would be present. And anyone who needs to see a reminder of themselves in rhinestones on their SO's genitalia is not someone I expect would want to have for a significant other. Or, again, what would I know, but not someone I think anyone I understand even remotely would want for a significant other... well, anyways.
JFK? FDR? WWJD?
74, if you lose it, don't worry, I have a list of replacement parts.
