Re: When I was all id

1

This is full of awesome, heebers.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-22-10 7:32 PM
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Everyone wanted to run over and plunge their hands .... Huh. I would not have guessed that.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-22-10 7:34 PM
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he wants to say "You were just doing what everyone was dying to do"

Awesome. Even as a toddler Heebie was always right.

That must have been embarrassing for her though.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 04-22-10 7:35 PM
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This is the best thing I've seen all day.

Yes, that's the life I live.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 04-22-10 7:56 PM
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Ah, so that's why they called you Little Miss Mix-A-Lot.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 04-22-10 8:33 PM
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Can't touch this.


Posted by: Adelle Hammer | Link to this comment | 04-22-10 8:51 PM
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You were just a small child who loved handfuls of ass. Nothing wrong with that.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04-22-10 8:53 PM
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I LOLed! I literally LOLed! This is the best thing I've read in the two hours I've been awake!


Posted by: W. Breeze | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 1:53 AM
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You were just a small child who loved handfuls of ass. Nothing wrong with that

I went through a phase like that when I was younger. From about age 12 through 35.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 6:21 AM
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9: That's why Knecht is no longer welcome in most of the supermarkets in his area.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 6:32 AM
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Heebie left out the part of the story where, upon reaching Adelle, she would holler "baby got back! baby got back!!!"


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 6:34 AM
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10: That's what Knecht wants you to believe, anyhow.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 6:52 AM
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13

Winning caption for the OP: Christ, what an asshole.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 8:14 AM
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14

||

At 10 am, I was in court for a conference on a maddening, maddening employment case with a pro se plaintiff that's been dragging on for years; she doesn't respond to discovery, she doesn't show up for conferences, it's awful. She didn't show up today, and the judge said "Considering all the prior warnings I've given her, if she shows up in the next hour, I'll call you to come back to court. Otherwise, her case is dismissed."

It is now 11:05, and I am a very, very happy camper.

|>


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 8:55 AM
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I feel like this post is being neglected.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:11 AM
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The judge just did what everyone was dying to do.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:14 AM
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That's the spirit!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:15 AM
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My parents are physically restraining me from commenting on this post more often.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:16 AM
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What is it that you long to do to this post?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:18 AM
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This post is cheeky.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:23 AM
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Heebie, were you a fan of unusually big asses generally? Or was it just Adelle?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:25 AM
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I think it might have just been Adelle. I think I was really fascinated with hers in particular. As I grew up, I settled into mundane opinions about asses.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:27 AM
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mundane opinions about asses

"They seem helpful for such practices as sitting."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:29 AM
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12: More like this one.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:30 AM
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In fact, I'm using mine for sitting as I write this.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:33 AM
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14 is great.

Um, in the butt.

If we're trying to be topical.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:41 AM
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I guess LB's client got her ass handed to her by the judge, huh?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:42 AM
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People of the world, free yourselves from mundane opinions about asses! Unleash your inner toddler-heebie-geebies!


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:43 AM
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28: Just don't do it in a grocery store you'd like to visit again.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:48 AM
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Just to confirm, heebie, you never engaged in this behavior in aisle 9 of the grocery store, right? Because that would be asinine.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:59 AM
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Big butts drive toddlers nuts. When the girls were two, we saw a woman get out of her car and then lean back in to get something from the front seat, exposing her vast backside clad in spandex. Siobhán excitedly exclaimed, "Daddy! She has a biiiig bottom!" No grabbing handfuls of ass, but still embarrassing.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 9:59 AM
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I'm posting on this thread because I think it is the one that would most benefit from the attention.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:00 AM
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Um, in the butt. If we're trying to be topical.

ON THE BUTT IS TOPICAL. IN THE BUTT IS RECTAL.


Posted by: OPINIONATED PHARMACIST | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:06 AM
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Jesus! Heebie has a biiiig post!"


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:06 AM
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Are you still in touch with Adelle, heebie? Do you have her phone number perhaps?


Posted by: F. Mercury | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:07 AM
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35: Are you still in touch with Adelle

IYKWIMAITYD.

(Also, Mexicans like big butts, pass it on.)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:09 AM
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Heebie has a biiiig post!

It only looks big now that Labs isn't around.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:12 AM
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One time I noticed Heebie's biiiig post in a supermarket and I commented on it right there.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:17 AM
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Siobhán excitedly exclaimed, "Daddy! She has a biiiig bottom!"

Teachable moment! Did you explain to her that the polite term to use was "lovely lady lumps", and that women such as the one observed make the rockin' world go round?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:25 AM
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Labs isn't around.

Someone finally squared the circle!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:26 AM
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Do you think this post has gotten enough attention now, heebs? I'm really scraping the bottom (heh) of the barrel in terms of coming up with jokes here.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:27 AM
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41: No one can call your efforts half-assed, I'll give you that much.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:31 AM
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43

Obligatory.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:37 AM
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44

I feel like this blog is being neglected.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:57 AM
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45

44: You're saying you think it's hit bottom?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 10:58 AM
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46

The main-page posters are a bunch of bums.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:00 AM
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47

Don't know where everyone's gone. I guess we're the rump party.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:03 AM
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48

Actually, I think this blog is fundamentally sound.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:04 AM
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49

Something I hate: misused colons.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:05 AM
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50

Anyway, we mustn't let the perfect be the enema of the good.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:05 AM
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48: I had a haunch you were going to beat me to that joke.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:05 AM
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Something I hate: misused colons.

Yeah, some people have really rectum.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:06 AM
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53

Is this what you wanted, heebie? In the end, is this what you really wanted?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:09 AM
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I'm pretty sure this is something heebie could get behind.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:12 AM
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55

I notice she's a bit tushy at times.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:16 AM
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56

It tuchus forever to get this thread going.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:32 AM
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56: And there's no end in sight!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:33 AM
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58

Butt it was worth it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:35 AM
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59

Q: Who's the best at hiding chocolate eggs?

A: The Keister bunny!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:37 AM
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I was going to crack wise, but...


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:37 AM
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Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.


Posted by: ATM, IYKWIMAITYD. | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:42 AM
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I was a teenaged babysitter for a little girl in the neighborhood. One day we were sitting around, her parents and me, with the girl on my lap, and she starts batting at my chest (she's like three at this point), saying, "What ARE these?" I didn't know what to say, and looked to her mom. "Those are breasts, honey," says the mom. The girl grabs one and says, "They're BEAUTIFUL. Mommy, why don't you have any of these?" I was 14. It was awkward.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:43 AM
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63

This thread reminds me I've been meaning to plant my seat on a comfy bar stool next to my brother and play catch-up. Yeah, he and I are hiney kin.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:43 AM
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59: My two little ones are endlessly amused by the disappearing quarter that I then pull out of their ear. Sometimes I "pull it" out of their butts for added hilarity. So this morning, Roberta and I are half-awake in bed, working up the energy to start the morning routine, while Noah and Cassidy are playing down at the foot of the bed. And I hear Noah announce with pride: "TAA-DAA! THAT WAS IN YOUR BUTT! I PUT THAT IN YOUR BUTT! JUST LIKE DAD DOES!"


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:43 AM
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62 is fantastically awkward.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:45 AM
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65: Agreed. It makes the whole post eerier.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:46 AM
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The worst part is, I have never had big tits, and especially not at 14. I barely had a chest. Sigh.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:48 AM
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64: And it's not like you can tell them not to talk about it, because then for sure you'll be somewhere in public and one of them will blurt out, "Daddy told me not to tell you about what he puts in my butt."


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:56 AM
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67: Man, somebody doesn't know how to take a compliment.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:57 AM
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66: Bravo!


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:57 AM
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ON THE BUTT IS TOPICAL. IN THE BUTT IS RECTAL.

AROUND THE BUTT IS ORBUTTAL.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 11:58 AM
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69: That's what my therapist says too! (when she says i have great tits, natch)


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 12:00 PM
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If I said you had a great rack, would you hold it against me pay me $175/hour?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 12:03 PM
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Would you pay $175 an hour to get things off your chest?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 12:07 PM
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The first drummer in my band wanted to perform a medley of songs about big butts. Baby Got Back, Big Bottoms, Fat Bottomed Girls, Shake Ya Ass. I assented on the condition that they be performed as some kind of overlapping fugue.

We spent an afternoon working it up, but never quite brought it off.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 12:15 PM
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Would you pay $175 an hour to get things off your chest?

Would it be OK if I paid you in chickens?


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 12:30 PM
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77

I got cognitive whiplash reading My two little ones... as being in reference to 62, the start of a sympathetic tale of boobies. Then the titties start talking and having ears and stuff and I just want to cry.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 12:35 PM
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the start of a sympathetic tale of boobies.

Apo was talking about his testes. Clearly.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 12:54 PM
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the start of a sympathetic tale of boobies.

"It was the best of racks, it was the worst of racks. . . "


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 1:04 PM
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Wow, 77 made me laugh inappropriately for having a students in my office and it being office hours.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 1:10 PM
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80: You have to be careful around the little ones.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 1:13 PM
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82

I can't approve of this. What a place to work when it's 10 below.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 1:58 PM
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82: They'll probably freeze their asses off.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:05 PM
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I am still tempted to do this. Ah, to be a little kid, where the sex offender registry is just another adult issue you don't have to worry about.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:08 PM
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From the article:

"The theme is nothing new to the northwestern United States. Dozens of coffee shops featuring girls in skimpy outfits have made names for themselves in places like Washington and Oregon."

While I disapprove of the business model, I'm very curious as to what silly cheesey names besides "Ooh La Latte" different proprietors have come up with.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:12 PM
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82: I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before the Chilean coffee chain Café Haití, where the baristas are all scantily clad twentysomething chilenas. The locals jokingly call it "café con piernas" (coffee with legs), and it's frequented universally by male clientele. It's jaw-dropping to an outsider, even one who's seen the idiocy of Hooters. And allegedly the coffee's not even particularly good.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:14 PM
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No, PGD, I'm pretty sure you can work there without registering, especially considering our new non-discrimination ordinance. I'm not sure they have anything your size, but I'm sure they'll want to avoid a suit.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:16 PM
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And allegedly the coffee's not even particularly good.

Why waste money on quality coffee? That's not what's bringing in the punters.

So, among Chileans does Haiti have a reputation for sexy women or something?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:16 PM
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Cups
Va Va Venti
Exxxpresso
Sexpot
Perky
Java Voom!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:19 PM
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88: Not as far as I know, and I was just sitting here pondering the name. I bet Haiti's doing the heavy-lifting for some combination of foreign and exotic, with the comcomitant notion that this is a place that's different, so things that are normally transgressions (like ogling the laydeez) are allowed here.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:20 PM
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89: The Drip


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:20 PM
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Brew La La


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:20 PM
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93

DemiTaTasse


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:21 PM
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The Grind


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:22 PM
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Fresh and Hot
Unfiltered
Grounds for Divorce


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:22 PM
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Two Girls, One Cup


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:22 PM
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97

Café au lay


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:22 PM
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98

Room for Cream?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:23 PM
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StarButts


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:24 PM
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100

Caribooty Coffee


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:24 PM
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101

Arabica's Secret


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:26 PM
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102

If it were in Ohio? The Cleveland Steamer.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:26 PM
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103

"Froth" just sorta sounds dirty.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:27 PM
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103: Dark, Rich and Frothy


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:28 PM
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Those are much better names than the ones in the article for various other places.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:28 PM
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106

Seattle's Breast


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:35 PM
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are the real names.

Much less exciting. Except for this: "In September 2009, five baristas at a Grab 'n Go in Everett, Washington were charged with prostitution after police surveillance caught them stripping for cash."


Posted by: F | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:36 PM
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108

Dunkin' Deeznuts
Chock Full O' Butts
Teet's


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:38 PM
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Dunkin' Deeznuts winz. Holy cow.

To go in the other direction, it'd be funny to refer to a quickie as a "breve".


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:42 PM
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To go in the other direction, it'd be funny to refer to a quickie as a "breve".

A good breve makes me quaver, but if it's too short I just get crotchety.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:45 PM
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111

The semidemiquaver isn't listed on the board, but they'll make you one.


Posted by: Cryptic need | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:46 PM
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The semidemiquaver isn't listed on the board, but they'll make you one.

One needs advanced flutter- or double-tonguing technique to pull it off.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:48 PM
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111: Racists.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 2:54 PM
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114

Cafe con Lechery


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-23-10 5:41 PM
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