Re: Breaking: Wankers are Acting Like Wankers

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More information on this topic. (That I believe I stole from another commenter here.)


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:36 PM
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See especially the anti-Icing talisman rules, and their relation to fanny packs.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:37 PM
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Cryptic Ned became a fan of REQUIREING DRUG TESTING FOR CORPORATE BAILOUT RECIPIENTS


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:43 PM
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Bros need to learn the difference in "proceeds" and "precedes".

Off-topic, any idea what to do when trying to connect to hotel wi-fi leads to a self-assigned IP?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:44 PM
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2: Bro, you best be ready for when you get ICED at the Pegu Club! Dude, that is going to be so hard for you.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:47 PM
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I like a lot of stupid things. I am sure if my bros were into it I would like it too. If I had bros.


Posted by: Lemmy caution | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:48 PM
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5: I really want this to happen.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:49 PM
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3: Like. I first heard about it here.

7: Not enough to show up and do it, though.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:51 PM
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Well, looks like the country's in good hands for the next forty years or so.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:53 PM
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Kinda relatedly, today's front-page WaPo profile of George Huguely was shitty, even though I'm perfectly willing to believe the guy's been an asshole. It was a bad story not only for letting-the-guy-have-his-day-in-court/don't-try-the-guy-in-the-press reasons, but the whole this is like overheard third-party gossip, and the Post openly admits that no one close to him would talk to them.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:53 PM
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First reaction: what losers. Second reaction: it would be totally fun to live in a world where this could happen to me.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:53 PM
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Off-topic, any idea what to do when trying to connect to hotel wi-fi leads to a self-assigned IP?

Curse apple with all your heart, then find out what the router's IP address is and opt to use DNS with a user-supplied IP, supplying an IP based on the router's IP. I generally go for routerip/24 followed by something or other. Plausible values for something or other can be got from other users of the same network if you ask if you can see their IP address; you then select a value within, say, ten of whatever they have. Try to ask geeky-looking people first.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:53 PM
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NOT A BRO, BRO


Posted by: OPINIONATED NOT ACTUALLY A FRAT BOY SIFU | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:54 PM
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A brief exposure to my uni's Coll/egeAC/B site recently gave me all the reminding I needed about the Frat scene around here.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:54 PM
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As Ricky Van Veen, the co-founder of CollegeHumor who has taken to walking around his office wearing a fanny pack that holds one Smirnoff Ice as a pre-emptive Ice Block

Couldn't he just decline to participate?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:56 PM
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NOT A BRO, BRO

Maybe not, but you're probably closer to bro-dom than many here.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:57 PM
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Couldn't he just decline to participate?

Presumably, but then he would lose the ability to ice anyone else. Priorities, you know.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:57 PM
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How you figure?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:57 PM
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8: I am made of NYC-Meetup-Fail.
I did however have lunch today with helpy-chalk (and joey and caroline), the snarkfoxes, and the brand-new snark-kit (who is tiny, adorable, and totally failed to ketchup anyone).


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:57 PM
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Next up: 100 confused comments on the proper definition of "bro"!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 6:59 PM
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What if they replaced the Smirnoff Ice with, say, Calvados? Would folks here be more sympathetic?


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:00 PM
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A bro is a dude who does yor solids, such as making you feel in-groupy through ritualized imbibing of crappy malt-liquor drinks. QED.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:01 PM
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yor s/b you


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:01 PM
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I don't know how long I could carry a bottle of Calvados on my person before winding up instead carrying a bottle that had formerly contained Calvados.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:02 PM
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An NYC meetup? When?


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:02 PM
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Splits of Krug! You've been Krug'd, mon frere!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:03 PM
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What if they replaced the Smirnoff Ice with, say, Calvados? Would folks here be more sympathetic?

Chugging a bottle of calvados is both more dangerous and more wasteful than chugging a bottle of Smirnoff Ice.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:03 PM
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Sifu is totally a Boston Bromin.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:04 PM
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I don't see what the shame is in drinking Calvados. Isn't the point that Smirnoff Ice is gross and gay? I guess you can't really be a bro unless you're a totes gay homophobe. Apologies to Sifu.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:04 PM
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I guess that probably is the point. I had generously imagined it was a kind of forced socialization in which you were forced out of your ordinary responsibilities by being made to drink something mildly too strong at unusual hours, in which case, that kind of sounds fun.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:09 PM
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25: Discussion was over here, but it looks like June 2nd, some place called Pegu Club, ca. 7pm.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:09 PM
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6PM! 6PM if you can make it! But if not, yes, 7PM works as well.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:10 PM
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26 is awesome. That's a game I could get behind.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:11 PM
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I said "ca.", Tweety. And I'd fully expect a post to go up closer to the date if not sooner.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:11 PM
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I had generously imagined it was a kind of forced socialization in which you were forced out of your ordinary responsibilities by being made to drink something mildly too strong at unusual hours, in which case, that kind of sounds fun.

Yeah, not so much. The precepts of the Church of Bros are really more about homophobia and public humiliation.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:13 PM
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31, 32: I'll be out of town. Someone take pictures for the purposes of future blackmail.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:17 PM
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Wait, it's homophobic because Smirnoff Ice is coded gay? Or because all of bro culture is definitionally homophobic?


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:21 PM
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Without looking further, I surmise it could be a clever viral promotional campaign.


Posted by: Econolicious, Accountancy was my life until I discovered Smirnoff. | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:22 PM
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37: Both.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:27 PM
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38: The Awl pieces debunks that theory, but it's not bullet-proof. Basically, they point out that all the Bro Icing videos feature panning Smirnoff Ice as really nasty-tasting.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:27 PM
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But surely noöne would defend artificially flavored malt factory effluent as good. so the main problem seems to be that the people who are doing a fun game also happen to be pricks.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:28 PM
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OT: The thrill of Protestantism! The skill of ministry! This is ... Gymkana a New England ministers' retreat.

Once upon a time one considered writing a series of mysteries about a minister in a New England college town who solves murders with the help of a talking dog a sassy girl hacker his ingenious gentleman's personal gentleman, Shmeeves, but how could fiction ever live up to the excitement of the actuality?


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:33 PM
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41 is clearly right. The subtext of the post is that anything touched by "bro-ism," however facially harmless, becomes taboo in the eyes of this particular culture. The bro is the ultimate "other."


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:37 PM
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Do you guys really think this game sounds fun? I think it sounds awful.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:38 PM
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44 gets it exactly right.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:39 PM
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I think it sounds pretty fucking obnoxious. It reminds me almost exactly of the "two for flinching" arm-punching game so enjoyed by those a-holes back at summer camp.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:40 PM
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Awful in a way that is particularly associated with the bro lifestyle, I should add.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:40 PM
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It reminds me almost exactly of the "two for flinching" arm-punching game so enjoyed by those a-holes back at summer camp.

Yes! Exactly.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:41 PM
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47: I could see hipsters doing it, too, in fairness. "Ha ha! You're drinking that thing ironically!"


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:42 PM
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Evidence for the weirdly homophobic dickishness of the endeavor:

Now, you might be asking yourself, "Why can't I Ice a fellow bro with a Mike's Hard or another type of bitch beer?". The answer is simple, there is nothing more insulting than being forced to take and knee and publicly slam down a Mango Smirnoff Ice.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:42 PM
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44–7 are correct. I don't see what would be remotely fun about this. Nor can it really be separated from the prickishness of the practitioners, since two important aspects (the disgustingness of the beverage used and the fact that it can be sprung upon one at any time) derive directly from prickishness.

If you took those out, the fun game would turn into … buying your friend a drink. Which is a nice thing to do! But not quite the same thing.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:42 PM
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47: I could see hipsters doing it, too, in fairness. "Ha ha! You're drinking that thing ironically!"

But they'd be drinking it because of the rules of the game, no? But they might get into the game ironically.

It's important to keep track, when such things happen, of precisely what is ironic.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:43 PM
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But it takes only a minor bit of imagination to work out a variant of precisely the same game as an internet/hipster/something meme that would not be subject to the same taboo here. Replace bro with Williamsburg and Smirnoff Ice with, I dunno, some old school or obscure drink, set up some social networking site to promote it, get the right group of people into the game, and Bob's your uncle. OK, my internet/hipster/something skills are weak, but I KNOW that something like this could catch on with a polar opposite crowd.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:46 PM
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10:As someone who just read that Yeardley Love was apparently yet another fatal victim of alcohol, I could not begin to say how I feel about this "game."

I gather Sifu Tweety was drunk again last night, but that may explain but doesn't excuse his violent rage in the HUD subthread. Apparently this blog teems with evening aggressive drunks.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:47 PM
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47: I could see hipsters doing it, too, in fairness

Can Brolesque be far behind?


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:47 PM
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I don't think the whole humiliation/nonconsensual bonding ritual thing is as big among hipsters. They gravitate more to unstated and ironic signifiers.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:48 PM
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54: I was sober when I called you a cretin and so on. I was drunk when I discussed project-based subsidies.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:49 PM
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Yes! Whenever you're strolling about, if someone presents you with a Twentieth Century, you have to down it straightaway! Even if you're participating in a tweed ride or shopping at a farmer's market!


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:49 PM
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Stylized humiliation is a big part of brolesque performances.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:50 PM
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I'm just making the connections explicit here. You're welcome.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:51 PM
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a polar opposite crowd.

I'm not sure I'd put hipsters and frat dudes on a spectrum at opposite ends. There are some shared characteristics (e.g., snobbery, elitism) and some very much not-shared ones (e.g., hipsters are generally gay-friendly IME).


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:51 PM
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The basic idea behind this sort of game is to take the principles of fraternity hazing and apply them to your entire life. (And that would apply regardless of the specific actions and setting.) That's an attitude particularly associated with the sort of people who love that kind of hazing. No thanks.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:51 PM
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I would be *so very humiliated* if someone were to surprise with with a shot of nice Calvados to drink immediately. It would be terrible! And how the others would laugh and laugh! Oh, I would never live it down!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:52 PM
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That briar patch, we chugz it.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:54 PM
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58 - Twentieth Centurys are by far my favorite asian pear. I was bummed when the trend in California changed to New Centuries and they became rare. Should a hipster present me with a Twentieth Century asian pear, I'd happily down it on the spot.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 7:58 PM
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Hey Megan: how much should it cost me to put some kind of drip irrigation system into my yard? Preferably with a timer. I just have some old school classic leaky sprinkler heads.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:00 PM
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||

The ongoing back-and-forth between the roughly 50% of my FB friends who lurve Lost and the other 50% who hate it is amusing me.

|>


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:02 PM
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Also, I dunno, maybe it is ritual hazing, but the idea of having a bunch of folks randomly showing up in my office saying "it's party time! drink this!" sounds a lot better than the ongoing corporate anomie that most of us fall into.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:02 PM
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68: I'm sure you could arrange for some LA-based commenter or other to help you with that. k-sky, mix up some mojitos for the man!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:04 PM
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12: Thanks, neb. No chance to implement the plan yet, but it sounds like a good one.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:04 PM
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67: I was considering posting that I was going to watch it for the first time tonight, but that joke's been done to death.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:05 PM
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a bunch of folks randomly showing up in my office saying "it's party time! drink this!"

This sounds nothing like my understanding of the game in question.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:05 PM
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Halford, I have no idea, and considering how much I overestimated the cost of painting my house, I'm the wrong person to ask. (Not that I've since painted my house or solicited bids, but everyone said my estimate was three times too high.)

Get one of them timers that talks to satellites to figure out when and how much to water. That's way cooler than paying attention to it yourself.

P.S. If your system isn't leaking anywhere else, but your sprinklerheads themselves are leaking, it is pretty trivial to replace them. They cost 3-4 dollars each and they're threaded. Unscrew the old one and screw the new onto the opposite threaded riser.

Running out the door!


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:10 PM
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This sounds nothing like my understanding of the game in question.

Right. One of the posts on the site I linked in the OP has a dude keeping a sixer in his trunk all day, so it's warm, and then Icing his bros—hahaha. Not fun.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:11 PM
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A bunch of folks randomly showing up in my office and saying "it's party time! drink this!" itself doesn't sound very fun. If you're the boss, maybe it could be fun (if we ignore the fact that "drink this!" isn't, in this game, a suggestion but rather a command and you are expected to drink). But otherwise it sounds like something I'd rather not have take place, thanks.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:13 PM
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52 is very well done.

I'm not sure that I should be encouraging neb.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:13 PM
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73 -- Thanks. I'm watching videos from Lowe's and am getting overwhelmed. Yards are complicated.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:14 PM
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It is soulless, effete, anti-fun drones like you, Neb, that the bros are rebelling against. Celebrate their right to party.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:33 PM
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I dislike drinking at work. I do it if I have to, but it makes me grumpy.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:36 PM
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I speak merely out of prudence, Robert.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:39 PM
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Where do you stand on throwing couches off the roof, RH?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:39 PM
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I've never seen it happen, but it could be interesting. I am impressed by Megan's ability to associate couch-throwing with my entire home state.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 8:41 PM
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What I find remarkable is that California has someone with that kind of talent and they put her in charge of making sure water runs down hill or whatever.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 9:19 PM
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Making water run downhill is easy. It's making it run uphill that's hard.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 9:26 PM
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Runs downhill as opposed to being pumped out of the river and used for growing onions and washing SUVs.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 9:28 PM
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Oh yeah. That's hard too.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 9:30 PM
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I think that hazing is very underrated by you cosmopolitan hipsters

and i agree hipster and bros have some things in common.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 9:56 PM
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Oh, I think the ones who have been to grad or law school know all about hazing. It just doesn't take the form of paddles or Smirnoff Ice, and no one is as friendly once it's done.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 10:32 PM
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TOFUTTI BREAK!11!


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 10:50 PM
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Oh come on, guys, this sounds fun. The point you're all missing is that while smirnoff ice is totes gay, it's actually easy to drink - the people playing this game don't really hate drinking it. They like to drink. The rest of it is just absurd rules and looking silly, which, come on.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 11:04 PM
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smirnoff ice is way better if you chug half, then replace that half with vodka. I heard, like, a rumor about that.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 11:06 PM
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I agree with Text.

Is Smirnoff Ice the same thing as Zima? I mean, tastes and looks the same? I never had a SZima.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 11:07 PM
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I've never had any of these drinks, but I believe Zima is something different from Smirnoff Ice and the various other drinks like it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 11:08 PM
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It was a common practice in high school to put a Jolly Rancher in a Zima to flavor it. I never tried, though.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 11:18 PM
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We also wore onions on our belts, because we were retro.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 11:27 PM
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I'm sure this game could easily be turned into a part of corporate anomie. Have you met your icing target this month?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-23-10 11:39 PM
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After 96 comments, I'm sure this sentiment has been expressed, but here it is: I miss Ogged. Well, perhaps it wasn't expressed that directly.

Don't get me wrong; after five years of mostly lurking, I like you ALOT Stanley. And I don't mean that in a weird way. Ogged's wisdom in choosing you has been vindicated.

But this post? Really? Please try harder next time.


Posted by: Paulie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 12:33 AM
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97: You bet. Got my three best guys on it right now.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 12:37 AM
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I LIKE LURKERS ALOT BUT TO COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK TO CALL THIS POST OUT? TRY HARDER, SONNY BRO


Posted by: OPINIONATED GRAND-MA-MA | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 12:39 AM
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I'm with Halford. It doesn't sound that bad.

I used to hang out with these guys who drank 40s of malt liquor. I mentioned this to the biggest hipster I know, who immediately insisted we go out and buy 40s of malt liquor and drink them.

And then I found three dollars. Only front-page posters get to make the big finds.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:05 AM
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Well, shoot. Just looked at the post again and realized that Stanley didn't, in fact, write the post! I thought this was HIS post, when in fact he was making fun of someone else's post! Don't I look silly!

I'm a bit ADD, and couldn't be bothered to notice it was a block quote prior to posting my criticism. Sorry, Stanley! And it appears that the function of the post was to make fun of the original author by doing nothing more that republishing the original post and adding a sarcastic post-script! And then I criticize Stanley as if he wrote the original post!

God, I'm an idiot.


Posted by: Paulie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:11 AM
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101: All will be forgiven if you just…drink this warm beverage I had in my trunk. Laydeez. Dot com. In Wisconsin.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:17 AM
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I can't quite unravel 101's many multifarious layers of condescension and sarcasm, but Ogged used to post someone else's post with minimal commentary all the time, back in Unfogged's golden age of coruscating lightning-quick intellect.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:18 AM
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I can't quite unravel 101's many multifarious layers of condescension and sarcasm

See, God, I'm an idiot. I'm "kind of" drunk, and actually thought Stanley had written the post he was criticizing! I get it though, everything is sarcastic!

Re Halford, law school and hazing: Agreed, going to my law school was pretty much exactly like going to junior high: it was all in one building; we had lockers where we were supposed to keep our stuff; most of the students knew a handful of people with whom they had attended undergrad; cliques formed very quickly, and were, with some exceptions, generally based on social and economic status; and everyone was ultimately terrified of failing and responded by acting like jerks. In general.

If you're the boss, maybe it could be fun (if we ignore the fact that "drink this!" isn't, in this game, a suggestion but rather a command and you are expected to drink).

I'm the boss, and work very hard to be a nice boss, but at the point where it is normal or acceptable for me to say to my employees, "it's party time, drink this," my business will be in big trouble.


Posted by: Paulie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:38 AM
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The point you're all missing is that while smirnoff ice is totes gay, it's actually easy to drink - the people playing this game don't really hate drinking it

Have to agree with this. In my uni days, Smirnoff Ice was often the drink of choice for pre-going out drinking games, because it has fuck all alcohol. You can down about ten of them before you get even slightly drunk.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:17 AM
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hence the solution in 91. a 40 oz of st. ides or whatever, on the other hand, will get you fucked-up drunk.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 3:55 AM
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Well, if you want to drink something stronger, you might as well go the whole hog and just drink something that tastes nice as well.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:15 AM
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Halford, can you e-mail me?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:49 AM
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With the caveat that I have never drunk a Smirnoff Ice and could be mistaken about this, I think the UK/Euro version might taste better than the American version, because it is made with real vodka. In the U.S., licensing laws are such that alcopops are made like beer without the addition of hops (hence "malt beverage"). In Europe, they're like a little mixed drink in a bottle, with real distilled grain spirits.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:49 AM
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I didn't know that. It still doesn't taste very nice in the UK. But it's not completely horrible. It's basically alcoholic (US style) lemonade.

What's the licensing law issue? Do you need a different licence to sell spirits?


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:00 AM
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Do you need a different licence to sell spirits?

Yes. In many U.S. states, wine and beer can be purchased in supermarkets and convenience stores, while spirits can only be bought from liquor stores. It's also fairly common for restaurants to be licensed to sell beer and wine, but not distilled spirits.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:05 AM
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That's kind of arbitrary when there's much more alcohol in a bottle of wine than in an equivalent amount of alcopop.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:20 AM
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Wait, something arbitrary about liquor licensing laws? That's absurd!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:22 AM
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Pennsylvania's liquor laws are so arbitrary, I've suggested they try to make it a tourist attraction. Come for the scenery, stay to hear somebody explain where you can buy beer in amounts of twelve bottles or fewer compared to where you can guy beer only in amounts of 18 bottles or greater. Neither of which can sell you wine or spirits to go.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:29 AM
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107: Don't be absurd. Pleasure must be earned with pain.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:41 AM
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114: Pennsylvania might win, now that Utah has been reduced to saying "No, really, you can drink here just like anywhere. We swear!"

Although (this is slightly out-of-date), the rules there are still pretty weird. In many ways.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:55 AM
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PA's laws are mainly weird for carry-out liquor, while Utah used to be weird all the way around. In PA, the idea was to keep the Irish sober enough to work not to stop the mill owners from having wine at a fancy restaurant.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:03 AM
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Comments bemoaning Ogged's departure are SO last year.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:39 AM
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Don't tase me, bro! Youve been ICED. Don't tase me, bro! You've been ICED.


Posted by: Trying Too Hard Freshman Pledge | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:04 AM
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If you wanted to make this a *real* challenge, you'd play with Joose, which was easily the most unpleasant drinking experience I've had in the past 5-10 years.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:15 AM
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120: Have you tried Calpis, a.k.a. "cow piss"? (It's non-alcoholic, though.)


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:19 AM
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I have not. It doesn't sound appealing.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:23 AM
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if you were really hardcore this would be getting done with Buckfast or Sanatogen Tonic Wine.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:24 AM
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Calpis reminded me of Gatorade. A benign vending-machine option-- I don't care for cola or sprite, too sweet.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:27 AM
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Oh wait, that was Pocari Sweat. I don't remember what Calpis was like.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:28 AM
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Dr. Pepper, chicken gravy, and vodka isn't too sweet if you get the proportions right.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:31 AM
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Pocari Sweat

My god, that stuff. Who was the marketing genius who figured out you could sell sweat in a can?


Posted by: Cpike | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:32 AM
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123 -- Cisco or MD 20/20 would be the local equivalents.

Cisco and its violence-producing alcohol/gasoline mix are really quite something to witness in action.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:38 AM
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I remember Janet Reno giving a press conference in which she called Cisco "liquid crack." This prompted some friends to rush out and buy it. Grape was a favorite.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:41 AM
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MD20/20 is also drunk in regions where Buckfast is popular. I think the consensus is that MD20/20 isn't remotely as violence-inducing as Bucky.

My vague teenage memory is that MD20/20 tastes more palatable.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:42 AM
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This is an accurate description of Cisco.

The last time I had it, at age 21, I blacked out completely after (I'm told) swinging around a large kitchen knife "in fun." I remember my housemate, whose birthday party it was, putting a pool ball into a sock and swinging it around his head, while his terrified birthday party guests cringed under tables.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:46 AM
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Ugh. I have bad memories of sitting on a dock in Samoa sharing a bottle of MD 20/20 that someone's family had sent from home as a joke. That stuff is nasty. I suppose Buckfast could be worse, I've never had it.

No violence ensued, although there were discussions with the police about whether it would be appropriate to arrest us for public drunkenness. They settled for just shooing us.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:46 AM
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Cisco sounds of the same ilk as Buckfast then.

Buckfast has, to my palate, a really terrible sweet chemical taste. Reminiscent of mead that's been made by robots using artificial sweeteners and synthetic honey.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:03 AM
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I drank half a bottle of MD 20/20 at a party once. I lost my sense of taste for 6hrs and all feeling in my legs for several hours.


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:05 AM
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135: Probably just a coincidence. Give it another try.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:07 AM
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135 was clearly composed under the influence of Cisco.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:14 AM
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Disappointingly, no seems to have uploaded the old country song "If there's no Mogen David in heaven, then who in the hell wants to go" to youtube.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:23 AM
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||

Sally just got into the public middle school she wanted for next year; she will now have the opportunity to nerd all the way out. She is very pleased.

|>


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:40 AM
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Smirnoff Ice used to be my go-to drink, but I haven't had one in years. Reading this, I almost feel obligated to go buy some just to protest bro-ish-ness. Not enough to actually do it, but almost. A girly drink? Really? First, so what. Second, no it's not. Its ABV is no lower than lots of beer that college students inure themselves to and higher than some, and its flavor is almost indistinguishable from Mike's Hard Lemonade, which no one objects to. (No one I know, at least, although I guess this is getting tautological.) Third, arguing about exactly which alcoholic drinks are manly enough (again, drinks with the ABV of beer) sets the limits of manliness very narrowly. Not like I particularly care if frat boys miss out, but they're making the rest of us miss out too here and there.

You know what's a shitty drink? Genny Cream.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:40 AM
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Vaguely on topic - there's a Lebanese company that made a ton of cash by marketing Smirnoff Ice knock-offs, minus the vodka, to the Saudi market. One wonders how often they were used with almeida's modification.


Posted by: Tom Scudder | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:42 AM
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...its flavor is almost indistinguishable from Mike's Hard Lemonade, which no one objects to.

I do. This is possibly generational, but I don't know anybody male or female who would drink one.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:42 AM
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The crucial element of Buckfast, of course, is that it doesn't just contain alcohol - it contains caffeine! and sugar! so you don't just get drunk, you get drunk, energised, hyperalert, and a wee bit para into the bargain! Of course, if you want similar effects without admitting that you're drinking like a Scottish tramp, there's the vodka/Red Bull route...

Meanwhile, my afternoon has been spent under the influence of Microsoft, and I feel like swinging a large knife in "hatred". How hard can it be to push out a fucking software patch? What is their excuse for issuing a "system upgrade readiness tool" that weighs in at 109MB and spins its wheels on install for >30 mins? How dare their trouble ticketing system spit errors because I send it digitally signed e-mail? Aren't they ashamed that their patches are so kludgy they don't dare install them without snapshotting the whole system to disk first? Why does this stuff never happen with linux repos, where NOBODY'S DRIVING?


Posted by: Alex | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:43 AM
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You know what's a shitty drink? Genny Cream.

I have yet to taste any cream ale by any producer that made me think, "I could probably take a second swallow of that."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:45 AM
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138: Congrats to Sally!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:46 AM
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Per above: linky (horrible title totes my fault).


Posted by: Tom Scudder | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:46 AM
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What is a cream ale? Like a cream soda, but with alcohol?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:46 AM
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50 to 139.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:46 AM
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145: I would guess that's the local equivalent of "WARNING: MAY FERMENT AND TURN INTO WINE IF MIXED WITH YEAST".


Posted by: Alex | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:54 AM
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Warning: It will be shitty wine. Only use if you have no better options.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:19 AM
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Yay Sally!

We went through a (mercifully brief) Mad Dog phase in college. Before it was over, though, a friend and I split five 375s before seeing a concert one night. I can't not recommend this enough.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:33 AM
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I once made a "pruno" joke at a fancy dinner party filled with illustrious academics in my field. It is not surprising that I had to explain what pruno was. What was, I confess, somewhat surprising was the Cambridge don who approached me later to congratulate me for moving past my many years of incarceration with an academic career.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:39 AM
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Because Cambridge dons are usually from the "throw away the key" school of criminal justice?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:41 AM
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I once made a "pruno" joke at a fancy dinner party filled with illustrious academics in my field.

Your last article stank, in a similar manner to Pruno, a foul beverage made from orange rind and enjoyed by incarcerated felons! Ha ha!


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:45 AM
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It is true that Cisco has helped to enable untold amounts of asshattery.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:45 AM
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That's how I imagine academics talk at fancy dinner parties. I could be wrong.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:46 AM
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154: My méthode involves raisins!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:47 AM
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Mogen David = Mad Dog?

No (conflicted) love for Night Train?

Yes, Yay Sally!


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:48 AM
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It is true that Cisco has helped to enable untold amounts of asshattery.

But some of those Silicon Valley billionaires do cool charitable stuff too.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:48 AM
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154: Indeed.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:48 AM
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156 is to 153 -- was there trollishness or was I just confused?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:50 AM
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was there trollishness or was I just confused?

How much pruno have you had?


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:57 AM
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159: Thanks for making that explicit, MH.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 10:58 AM
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162: I was even pwned by 158. Go yell at Ned too.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:01 AM
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I TA'd for some freshmen when I was a sophomore and was surprised to arrive at a dorm study session in which some dude had been roped into playing Edward 40-hands. Duct tape, 40 oz. on each.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:06 AM
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Wow. It has a Wikipedia page. Apparently people still play this? It was 12 years ago when I first came across it.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:09 AM
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163: But his added value.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:12 AM
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142: Aren't they ashamed that their patches are so kludgy they don't dare install them without snapshotting the whole system to disk first?

I'd be freaked out if they didn't snapshot the system. Thank god they do. Otherwise, a power failure in the middle of the patching process could leave you totally fucked.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:16 AM
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I really don't like this game. As a borderline alcoholic, it is really important to me to be in control of when I drink, and to stick to rules about not drinking during regular work hours. I suspect that many of these kids are also borderline alcoholics, and that for some of them, this could be bad.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:26 AM
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The worst alcoholic beverage I ever consumed I consumed in the company of The Editors. We were on a NASA kick, for some reason, and hit on the idea of Tang and Everclear. Bad enough already, but he asserted that -- in the interest of purity -- we should first try Everclear and Tang powder, with no water added. It was all a mistake, but that was the worst mistake.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:37 AM
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A guy I worked with ages ago got to talking about some of the prune juice drinks he and his Army buddies had purportedly invented. The one that I remember was vodka and prune juice: a pile driver.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:40 AM
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169: There was a drink, nay an entire party, really, based on this principle at my undergrad institution. Purple Jesus was consumed only at The Purple Jesus Party -- everclear, grape Kool-Aid, and sugar til you couldn't taste the booze. Well, I think there was water, too. The made garbage cans full of the stuff. But it was not a good thing. (Also at these parties: paddling pools filled with corn starch and water.)


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:41 AM
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I just remembered that we used to mix Cisco with OK Soda, back in those halcyon days when OK Soda actually existed. We called it the "CiscOK". We also drank a lot of Zima, just to be like fuck you, y'know?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:45 AM
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171: I visited your fine institution for one of those parties when I was but a high-schooler. That was one seriously unpleasant beverage.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:48 AM
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In some ways I don't regret my boring youth.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 11:48 AM
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everclear, grape Kool-Aid, and sugar til you couldn't taste the booze. Well, I think there was water, too. The made garbage cans full of the stuff.

The local varietal is called Jungle Juice (but I think it's green?), and I witnessed the garbage-can thing on one of the two occasions I was duped into going to a frat party as an undergrad. Uh, yeah, no, I don't want any hooch from your garbage can, Chas, thanks.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:14 PM
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Oh, so this is the beer thread? Cream ale is fermented with ale yeast at lager temperatures.

Drinking Mad Dog (strawberry) not long after giving blood was the only time I ever actually saw double. I tried as hard as I could to see only one moon, but it didn't work. Instead I puked in the woods, with brief pauses to smack the mosquitoes as they bit my arms.


Posted by: Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:16 PM
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Cream ale is fermented with ale yeast at lager temperatures.

My old landlord used to fill his recycling bin weekly with cans of Genesee Cream Ale; it was a long time before I realized it was alcoholic, and I still haven't found the stones to try it. The name alone sounds awful.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:25 PM
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It's pretty ordinary bad beer. It's not good, but if someone handed you one at a party, you'd think "Lousy beer" not "What the fuck was that?"


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:26 PM
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It's pretty ordinary bad beer.

I once had very ordinary bad beer. Black and white label generic.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:29 PM
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"What the fuck was that?"

Yeah, that's exactly what my head's doing with the name. It's like a combination of Ginger Ale and some Vanilla Cream beverage plus booze, which curdles, like an Irish Car Bomb, and then my brain vomits.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:30 PM
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Cream doesn't mean either dairy or sweet -- probably something about the head being creamy.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:31 PM
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Good to hear about Sally's school!

Hmm, I really fancy a drink now.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:40 PM
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if someone handed you one at a party, you'd think "Oh, no thanks."

But yeah, I think it's just your basic bad beer, that's going to make your stomach feel like it's suds-ed* up and bloaty, which is kind of uncomfortable, and then you wonder what the point was. A matter of taste, though! (I'm a beer snob because I have trouble with the sudsed-up tummy feeling, so I'm going to pass on beer unless it's, uh, not very sudsy.)

* No idea how to render that term


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:40 PM
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If they ever ban Buckfast, you'll have to start importing Sparks. Although, as it comes in a can, the utility of using empty containers as weapons is minimal.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:43 PM
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plus booze, which curdles

I remember drinking a cement mixer (Bailey's and orange juice). Somebody bought it for somebody and the second somebody was too alert to drink it. After it had been sitting there for a while, I was thinking "free booze" and drank it despite knowing exactly what it was. It didn't vomit, but I did learn an important lesson about how some things can be both free and overpriced.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:43 PM
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It didn't vomit

Yes, but did you?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:46 PM
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Oops. Should be "I didn't vomit" or "It didn't make me vomit." I mean, I did eventually vomit that evening, but it was a couple of hours later.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:48 PM
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some things can be both free and overpriced.

I'm certain I'm repeating myself, but what the hey? On my 21st, I was at a bar with friends and things were pretty low-key, which I liked. Then an acquaintance I wasn't too fond of bought me a "Bahama Mama" which was not actually a Bahama Mama. As I downed the shot with gusto, immediately wincing, he cracked up, explaining he'd instructed the bartender to make a shooter: one part Tabasco, one part the shittiest rail gin they had.

Vom city.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:50 PM
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You must have shot that quickly because Tabasco isn't exactly hard to detect by scent.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:55 PM
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Buckfast Tonic Wine was mentioned in 5,638 crime reports from 2006 to 2009, Strathclyde Police said.
One in 10 of those offences were violent and the bottle was used as a weapon 114 times in that period.

Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:56 PM
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189: Yeah, I just sort of threw it back. That was dumb, as was accepting a shot from (1) someone who wasn't likely to buy me a shot, birthday or otherwise and (2) someone who wasn't doing his own shot with me. I was young and inexperienced.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 1:56 PM
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I was at a party where I described the concept of cement mixer. So of course the host insisted we all had to have one. Clearly I need to shut up on the question of shitty drinks.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:05 PM
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191: The correct protocol in these situations is to shadow your antagonist while chugging things containing tomato juice and/or dairy products. That way when you do spew you can share it with the person who caused the problem. Double points if you can get any in their mouth. The tomato juice enhances the stains, and the dairy enhances the smell.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:06 PM
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191: You could avenge yourself by icing him.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:07 PM
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The tomato juice enhances the stains, and the dairy enhances the smell.

Baby formula will do both.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:08 PM
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195: May I suggest baby formula + vodka as the official puking beverage of Unfogged?


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:18 PM
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I think the best thing about the bro-icing and the homophobic homosociality is the reneged responsibility. I had to bend the knee and drink! I had to bend the knee and... Dan Savage refers to "How'd that happen?" stories where some organ just got into some other organ, no-one responsible, certainly not the speaker.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:20 PM
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196: I think it may be just certain types of baby formula, but I can't remember now.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:23 PM
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Babies totally can't do math. I don't understand why people give them formulas in the first place.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:24 PM
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Clearly I need to shut up on the question of shitty drinks.

In the late '90s, at the absolute beginning of the whole hipster/cheap canned beer thing, I was out with some friends, one of whom got unreasonably excited at the prospect of $2 cans of Old Milwaukee. I said offhandedly that if he was going to drink that stuff, he might as well be shotgunning it. Five minutes later, he tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around to find him holding two unopened cans and his keys.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:26 PM
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Babies can't walk, but people continue to give them shoes.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:26 PM
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200: In the late 80s, we used to drink Old Milwaukee (or Old Milwaukee Light) frequently and without irony.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:29 PM
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In Wisconsin.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:30 PM
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Let me express my complete agreement with 174.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:31 PM
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I thought the beginning of the hipster fetishization of shitty beer was Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet -- Pabst Blue Ribbon!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:33 PM
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203: The midwest, at least.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:33 PM
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I enjoy Old Milwaulkee, at least in bottles, unironically right now. It's a perfectly good american beer, as good as Bud or Coors, and American beers have their uses.


Posted by: Robert. Halford | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:38 PM
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I probably haven't had an Old Milwaukee in a dozen years and, now that you mention it, I don't really have a good reason for that.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:46 PM
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In the late 80s, we used to drink Old Milwaukee (or Old Milwaukee Light) frequently and without irony.

Moby can pass as a spy.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:47 PM
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202: I did the same when I was in high school in the mid-'80s, but was trying to drink a little better by the time I got out of grad school.

203: In Minnesota, in my case.

205: Blue Velvet was clearly a touchpoint for the eventual PBR revival, but this was in the East Village in '97 or '98, and it was still something of a novelty.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 2:48 PM
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Old Milwaukee was my grandfather's favorite beer. If a guest brought him something better, he would later give any leftover cans to my dad.

But his favorite drink was cheap bourbon with Country Time lemonade. He would leave a bit of it in the glass each time and put it back in the freezer, building up ever more bourbon-lemonade ice inside of it until my grandmother would finally wash the thing. Then he would jokingly complain for a few days about how she had ruined it.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 3:02 PM
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Some birthday party of my (Irish) grandmother's was covered by a local paper because she was turning an unlikely age. An exchange that made it into the story went more or less as follows. Reporter: So, I see you have a martini, is that your drink? Nana (making a face): No! I like a pint of Guinness.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 3:17 PM
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You know what's a shitty drink? Genny Cream.

DFH College is in what used to be a semi-dry town: 3.2 beer only. As a result, one's only choices were Genny or beer coolers. You can perhaps see why I thought for a long time that I didn't like beer.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 3:49 PM
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I actually do have a slightly similar drinking ritual with a friend - there's a really creepy guy whose hangouts slightly overlap with ours, so we see him once in a while. This guy really seems like a total jerk - evidence against him includes (i) hitting on underage girls and (ii) when riding his motorcycle, he brings his dog along by putting the dog's back legs on his (the jerk's) chest, and the front legs on the bike's handlebars. Horrible!
Anyway, whenever we see this guy (which has also happened during daytime hours on two occasions), we both need to drink a shot of Stoly. The code phrase for this is "the repulsive one".
So there's really no conclusion to this, except that guy is really a jerk, and forced drinking rituals are more fun when they're not so forced and when everyone does it together. Yay!


Posted by: Awl | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:04 PM
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On the OP, at least they realize (correctly) that Smirnoff Ice is disgusting.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:18 PM
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140: Vaguely on topic - there's a Lebanese company that made a ton of cash by marketing Smirnoff Ice knock-offs, minus the vodka, to the Saudi market. One wonders how often they were used with almeida's modification.

And then there's the game liquor stores play in Syria (and maybe Lebanon too?), where they fill Black Label bottles with Whiskey Sham (or some other bargain-basement whiskey that was probably distilled from VX nerve gas) and sell them to unsuspecting Kuwaitis.


Posted by: Mirounga | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:31 PM
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Amid all the defenses of Old Swill, I should perhaps make clear that my issue in 200 was not that I wound up drinking it, but that I wound up shotgunning it.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:35 PM
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197 to 217.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:37 PM
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Report back from micro-meetup with CJB in Fargo: We went to a great dive called Duffy's -- a real townie joint with aged Boomers covering the top hits of the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. The most intriguing thing was that tallboys of PBR are referred to as "pounders" there. We all ordered them, except for some people who had Guinness, because they were $1.75, and we all drink Pabst products continually, including Pablo's (Pabst NA) and Pabst Blue Ribbon Light, neither of which I have ever seen anywhere else but here.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:49 PM
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Pablo's (Pabst NA) and Pabst Blue Ribbon Light, neither of which I have ever seen anywhere else but here.

Never seen the former, but the latter is available here, though not usually in bars. Just in grocery stores.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 4:52 PM
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219: We all ordered them, except for some people who had Guinness, because they were $1.75, and we all drink Pabst products continually

The PBR pounders were $1.75, I take it, not the Guinness.

Can it really be a townie dive if it has Guinness? I ask you. There is nothing more humbling than to sit down in a townie dive and ask, stupidly, whether they have any, like, amber beers. No, they do not, you stupid! Sheesh!


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:01 PM
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Guinness is a pretty standard bar offering here. Like, if I were to envision a generic bar in town with three taps, those three taps would reliably be Bud Heavy, Bud Light, and Guinness.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:08 PM
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I suspect the Guinness was $1.75. Who's gonna pay $1.75 for Pabst in Fargo?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:09 PM
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218:
Amid all the defenses of Old Swill, I should perhaps make clear that my issue in 200 was not that I wound up drinking it, but that Iit wound up shotgunning itin my ass.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:09 PM
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it wound up in my ass

Always happens eventually.

No, I don't mean that! Gross! "It's natural", right, sure. Coprophile weirdo.

No, I mean after a long enough night, of course somebody's gettin' out the turkey baster.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:11 PM
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Duffy's is an "Irish" bar hence the Guinness on tap.


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:12 PM
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224: You ripcorded it, eh?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:12 PM
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213:DFH College is in what used to be a semi-dry town: 3.2 beer only.

Makes sense since the Ohio Anti-Saloon League was founded there in 1893 (it later morphed into the national organization). Wonder when it changed--I had a Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold in that very town this past Saturday evening.

Back in my day, everywhere in Ohio was 3.2 only for 18 up to 21 (changed to 19 in 1982 and to all 21 for everything in 1987) so a lot more brands were available in 3.2 versions.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:16 PM
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I suspect the Guinness was $1.75. Who's gonna pay $1.75 for Pabst in Fargo?

True. I didn't know quite which way to go in parsing that.

And yeah, CJB, "Duffy's", duh. Sorry.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:25 PM
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209: "What was the first brand of snuff to come in a plastic can?

Not Copenhagen. Only little girls would use anything else?

Which brand of beer came in a bonus 15-pack at the same price as a 12-pack? [smack]

Keystone? Natural Light? (It's been twenty years.)

How many 12-gauge shells come in a box?

Twenty-five.

I don't know the others.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:25 PM
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213, 228. I have fond memories of walking back from Johnny's with my friends carrying cases of real beer. Checking GMaps, I see it is still there—just over the town line.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:26 PM
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OT: I want to be like the cool kids and make pizza. What is the dough recipe to maximize deliciousness and easiness?

(Hey! This could be an Ask the mineshaft!)


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:49 PM
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(Hey! This could be an Ask the mineshaft!)

I will make it so right now. NO ONE ANSWER HERE.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 5:57 PM
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Aren't you going to at least thank us for following instructions just this once?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:13 PM
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234: I was going to say, ya'll some obedient-ass commenters. What the fuck is going on here?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:15 PM
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230:
Hawken
Old Milwaukee
1979
Five, ten or 20
Brown & white
At least one inch long


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:18 PM
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236: Five, ten or 20

I was wrong on 25, but I have never seen a five count box of shells. Did you buy hunting supplies at Sheetz?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:24 PM
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237: "Hi, I'd like a Shmiscuit and a box of Shellz."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:25 PM
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What the fuck is going on here?

It was the all-caps, Stanley. Confusing.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:27 PM
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I was wrong on 25, but I have never seen a five count box of shells.

Buckshot or slugs. Also I have a 25 count box of 12 gauge shells right here so you weren't wrong.


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:29 PM
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237: one could, in fact, buy 12-gauge shells at the local equivalent of Sheetz. Ammunition and beer in one convenient stop.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:31 PM
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240: So, I went and looked in my closet and I also have a 25 count box of shells. It seems the same size as every box of shells that I've ever bought for that gun (which is a 20 gauge). They didn't sell much buckshot or slugs were I was raised because you could use a rifle for deer.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:34 PM
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One store near a lake had a vending machine stocked with live worms.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:35 PM
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226: Also, Bushmills.


Posted by: McNulty | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:36 PM
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I always get Tullamore Dew, cause it's cheaper in the liquor store.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:41 PM
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I was actually a little surprised by the Guinness, partly because the bar was SUCH a dive, and partly because I had not immediately grasped that it was called "Duffy's" -- people had kind of slurred the name when we were walking over there. The Guinness was $4/pint. Which I thought was fairly reasonably for non-happy hour pricing. They also had a cigarette vending machine! I haven't seen one of those in a donkey's years!

Also, I should point out that before we went to the absolutely perfect dive bar, we were hanging out at a deplorable pastry/gelato/wine restaurant that had all kinds of gimmicks. E.g. gelato served in a spirally dish which forced you to eat it fast enough that it did not melt and spew all over the table. Also a cake that was hidden in a big cast iron bell with holes in it that you had to eat the cake through. In Fargo!

I'm pretty sure we must be the only bar that serves Pabst NA. But I think I've made that assertion here before and people had some counter-examples. Probably 90% of our consumption of it is by the staff. [That's one of our gimmicks: there's a staff in the corner that says "Drink Pablo's!"]


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:48 PM
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240: Uh, come to think of it, 25 does sound right. Now I'm wondering if I misremembered the brand of beer, too.


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:52 PM
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Uh, come to think of it, 25 does sound right.

10 for the quail, 10 for the empty beer cans, and five for the stop sign.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 6:54 PM
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five for the stop sign

248: Your red state credentials are herewith established beyond doubt.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:01 PM
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I've got some great tips on making pizza dough that I'd like to share in this thread.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:03 PM
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250: You knave, you wouldn't dare.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:11 PM
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Too late, everyone is already eating.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:11 PM
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I just now realized that the title of this post isn't "bankers are acting like wankers." I'd been reading it that way all this time.

I love you Stanley, but if I were czar I would strictly enforce a moratorium on the use of the term "wanker" by liberal/nerdy North Americans. It sounds vaguely affected or Monty-Python-fan-y to my ear, and we have good local equivalents -- dick or douchebag would have been more apt here.

Yes I am familiar with the work of Atrios and the existence of Sparky the Penguin.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:14 PM
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we were hanging out at a deplorable pastry/gelato/wine restaurant that had all kinds of gimmicks

Did your friends actually go to the HoDo? I really couldn't figure out why they wanted to.


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:14 PM
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253.2: Yeah, it was originally gonna be "asshats" but then I got hand-wringy about people feeling uncomfortable with that big ol' "ass" on their work computers.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:21 PM
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247: I was thinking Moby's Keystone might be correct, but that came out after the time I might have bought it. In high school, we went with the Stroh's 30-pack, a/k/a the "suitcase".


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:24 PM
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255: That's why you put the hat on it.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:25 PM
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but then I got hand-wringy about people feeling uncomfortable with that big ol' "ass" on their work computers.

From here on out, I'm strictly "Christ, What a Wanker".


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:26 PM
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258: I can't help it if I'm more sensitive to the commentariat's needs than you, Ms. Geebie. Don't be glib.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:32 PM
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I'm the edgy front-page poster who does unsettling things like say 'asshole'. You're the conventional soother who tuts nervously. It's okay to have roles.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:36 PM
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Together you fight crime!


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:39 PM
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Sure we fight crime. While hoping that each leap...will be the leap home!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:41 PM
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261-2 cracked me right the fuck up.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:42 PM
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246.1: Ah, so I wasn't completely silly in my initial uninformed assumptions, which relieves me a little bit. $4/pint for Guinness is quite reasonable.

It's been a few years since I've been to a place that had a cigarette vending machine, but I would be shocked! shocked! if they didn't still have it.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:43 PM
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260-262: Can't fight the soother.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:46 PM
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Stanley is the Burt's Bees of front page posters.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 7:51 PM
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I'm the balm.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:01 PM
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Dot calm.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:01 PM
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In Wiscalmsin.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:04 PM
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Almsome.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 8:26 PM
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If it gets any mellower around here we're going to be getting some harsh munchies. Anyone know a good pizza recipe.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:30 PM
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Use mozzaralma.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:46 PM
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Late to this, but I have in fact had Calpis (carbonated version), and can report that it's the best milk-based soda I've ever had. It's also the worst, but it's really not that bad. For a milk-based soda.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:49 PM
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For a milk-based soda.

Is Yoo-Hoo a milk based soda? I've always been afraid to try it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:53 PM
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Yoo-Hoo's really more of a soda-based milk.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-24-10 9:56 PM
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Bro's should know the truth.

(overlong, but worth watching for the Donald Glover bits)


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-25-10 1:51 AM
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216: And then there's the game liquor stores play in Syria (and maybe Lebanon too?), where they fill Black Label bottles with Whiskey Sham (or some other bargain-basement whiskey that was probably distilled from VX nerve gas) and sell them to unsuspecting Kuwaitis.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised by anything Levantines did to screw over Khalijis. Stories of $100 taxi rides are pretty widespread & basically everyone in Lebanon thinks of Gulfies as rubes with way too much money on their hands.


Posted by: Tom Scudder | Link to this comment | 05-25-10 9:05 AM
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Hang on, Stanley says 'wanker' is milder language than 'ass'? I don't think that's right.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 05-25-10 5:19 PM
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278: The only person I know who says "wanker" is Australian, and this person deploys it a gusto that seems to scream, "Look at me! I'm Australian!" so it rings on my ear all foreign and cutesy more than anything else. It probably sounds different to someone who hears it used more regularly.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-25-10 5:22 PM
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deploys with it a gusto


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-25-10 5:23 PM
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Ah, fuck. You get the gist.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-25-10 5:24 PM
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253: nothign i hate like the Authenticity Police


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 05-26-10 12:45 AM
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If my Facebook feed is to be believed, this "new drinking game" has been adopted by a group of women working at Google. Or, one hopes, it's just a tongue-in-cheek staged photo and comments about someone chugging Smirnoff Ice.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-27-10 6:46 PM
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If it's not tongue-in-cheek, that pretty much explains that whole Buzz kerfuffle.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-27-10 7:14 PM
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The motherfucking police are getting in on it?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-27-10 9:20 PM
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