My favorite so far:
"Ms. Blanchett is once again totally immune to anthrax!" Tom reciprocated.
Wow. There are lots of excellent ones. I liked:
"My dad dresses like a girl" Tom said transparently.
"That tuna just saved our planet," said Tom superficially.
"I love late 70s glam rock," said Tom adamantly.
A lot of them are formed on similar lines as British crosswords, though, so they take longer than ideal to work out.
I liked the one about golf and Hamlet.
"2 bdrm furn w c/h," said Tom aptly.
Bradford Graham, R.I.P. (A lot of those were generated over at one of Brad's private internet haunts and reposted to MeFi based on whether they made us laugh and/or want to choke him.)
You're among friends, snarkout. You can say "Filepile".
said Tom to the tune of the Caddy Shack theme.
No More Masburbating to Charles Mackerras, Tom said in a manner suggesting both the passing of an important Janacek conductor and a failure to masturbate.
I have a real life friend whose name actually is Tom Swift, giving me the rare opportunity to drop a name I needn't googleproof.
"I'm left-handed," Tom said sinisterly.
"I wish this honeydew would stop crying", Tom said melancholically.
"I am also not left-handed", said the Dread Pirate Roberts as he dextrously regained the advantage.
"That guy sure got some sun," Tom said tangentially.
"I don't even have a TV", Tom said immediately.
"You should like the dialogue and instructions I've supplied you with," Tom said proscriptively.
I'm afraid that a prescription and a proscription are rather different things.
"I've got dancing feet!" Tom said pedantically.
"According to Roman and Italian rhetoricians, the exordium should clearly lay out the purpose of the address to follow", Tom explained perspicuously.
Shit, I got my racial slurs mixed up. Hopefully this redounds to my ultimate credit.
I'm afraid that a prescription and a proscription are rather different things.
Yeah, I did a really good job of fucking that one up.
"<insert perceptive value-adding Unfogged comment here>", Tom said wittily.
"I think, LORD, that one boat really ought to suffice", Moses said anarchically.
Another problem with 18 is that "should", not "like", should be emphasized.
26: "I don't even see Wisconsin", Stanley replied cheesily.
"Adam Ant isn't glam rock, he's New Romantic," said Tom romantically.
"Let's see you talk about Gaussian Copula functions with urine streaming down your face", said Tom piquantly.
"Excuse me, I passed gas," Tom said astutely.
"Why, these socks don't stick together at all", said Tom ecstatically.
The problem with Toms Swifty is the same as the problem with puns or British crossword clues &c.: They quickly become more wag than dog. "I helped that cat-eating alien Rob a bank," said Tom, alphabetically. Ekh.
"It really tied the room together", said Tom, sounding drugged.
"In the end, I gave my all for the co-creator of Saturday Night Live," said Tom, forlorn.
"I Bob, she Carol", Bob said heatedly.
Smearcase, your most recent post made me laugh. I was going to comment, but Blogger comments makes you sign out of your email to be pseudonymous and I hate that.
"It's puff-puff-puff, pass," Tom said dubiously.
Thanks, Bärchen--I sheepishly (um, there is no Tom Swifty going on here) retracted my comment bleg, but I'm glad to hear it.
As it it's such a burden to sign out of email.
"Boop-boop de boop, these so-called jokes are poop", Mister Smearcase scatted.
40: "As it it's such a burden to log out of email", said nosflow, resignedily.
"My strength has been increasing steadily with the increasing number of people using free software", said rms with renewed vigor.
As it it's
"I'll just control-V this text," JP Stormcrow said, looking pasty.
"I have to pay to be disgusted?" Tom asked, feverishly.
"I just love those Four Tenors," Tom said, menacingly.
"If we hide the wassail cups nobody'll ever know what we were up to", Tom said masculinely.
"Jesus, I hope tonight's seder goes well", Thomas said, prejudicedly.
I get my inspiration from the making of honeycombs.
I keep coming up with, uh, backwards ones? They are not very good:
"Abundance," Tom said, as the bread did the watusi.
"Excuse me, I passed gas," Tom said astutely.
This one doesn't cross the Atlantic very well.
51: Surely you're familiar with the ancient ode to beans, the musical fruit?
"Not even an extra-large bouquet was able to win back her affections", Tom said morosely.
"I'm so tired of serving in Iraq", Tom said, fatigued.
"I believe these people are from Dagestan," Tom averred.
"My people have a rich and noble history, and I'm a very fast swimmer", ogged said alluringly.
52: Over there, it's called "passing petrol"; hence the confusion.
Surely you're familiar with the ancient ode to beans, the musical fruit?
Of course, but a) in Britain the verb in the rhyme is "fart", not "toot", and b), in British English the vowel sound in "astute" (yoo) is not the same as the vowel sound in "toot" (oo).
Also: "the more you eat / the more you fart" doesn't rhyme.
I believe that works when one notes that beans are good for your heart.
58: AHA! But your very rebuttal proves that you understood the original Tom Swiftie, as well as the supposedly US-specific cultural reference.
"It appears we've got more than just one deck of playing cards here," Tom said tenaciously.
"These blow dirty dishwater", Tom said succinctly.
"I wonder who's married to Tony Parker," Tom said languorously.
"The number of grammatical mistakes in these essays is simply mind-boggling", Tom said incredulously.
But your very rebuttal proves that you understood the original Tom Swiftie, as well as the supposedly US-specific cultural reference.
Well, yes, but then again I am American.
"I'm yellow," Tom said xanthously.
69 comes as a shock.
Now that that's resolved, I see the newest entry on Marty Peretz's blog is called "Barack Obama vs. Mort Klein. Who the Hell is Mort Klein?"
My guess is that Mort Klein is an elderly Jewish man who is right about many things that Obama is wrong about, but I could be wrong.
"The congressman from Upper Michigan is retiring," said Tom stupendously.
"I can't be gay! Look at my wife and children", said the GOP Congressman properly.
My guess is that Mort Klein is an elderly Jewish man who is right about many things that Obama is wrong about, but I could be wrong.
I checked, Ned. You're right!
"These crutches are annoying," Tom said allegedly.
"It smells of calcium carbonate," Tom said tumescently.
"Why is this crossword full of obscure words?" Tom said in a stentorian tone.
"I can't be gay! Look at my wife and children", said the GOP Congressman properly.
"She's left me and taken the kids! I've got to find another woman," said the GOP Congressman rebarbatively.
|| No more masturbating to the oil spill in the Gulf. |>
70,72: I'm American! I'm British! I'm American and I'm British! My father and mother... understand? Or is it too tough for you?
I'm American! I'm British! I'm American and I'm British!
Pick one!
"Pick one!" said the opinionated Declaration of Independence, subjectively publicly.
"Oh, I've got everything you need to start a garden right here…laydeez," Tom said seedily.
"Give me a fellatio right here in the bar," Tom said publicly.
In aid of restoring the balance against Yank cultural imperialism:
"You're a right James", Tom said bluntly.
"I just love having my own yard!" burbled Tom.
"After eating pancakes, I always clean my plate with a Kleenex," Tom said surreptitiously.
"Stanley clearly has discovered a new boredom-relief activity for that barista," I said icily.
"I'd like my fellatio before the hot tub thankyouverymuch," Tom said mellifluously.
"How's about I bury you deep inside my rose garden?" Tom said stout-heartedly.
I'm American! I'm British! I'm American and I'm British!
Surely:
"I'm American!"
*slap*
"I'm British!"
*slap*
"I'm American!"
*slap*
"I'm British!"
*slap*
"I'm American and I'm British!"
[Forget it, Jake. It's Diego Garcia.]
"We can unload the cargo at either of those harbours, and yet we cannot," said Tom paradoxically.
"Well, the same guy's just come into the restaurant and stuffed himself again," said Tom refulgently.
"I reckon things will be a lot easier here now we've got lots of criminals working on two-week contracts," said Tom contemplatively.
"These Italians look cheerful. Obviously Mussolini has been removed from power," Tom deduced.
"You can't find your keys? Maybe you left them underneath the manuscript of your dissertation," Tom hypothesised.
"I have acted very morally, in my view, by donating all those marquees to disaster relief," said Tom sententiously.
"You should have arranged the World's Fair six months ago!" Tom expostulated.
"I hear someone kicked Wong's butt," was Tom's assertation.
"This DC-3 will never fly again. It's a dead loss," Tom explained.
"The number of awkward pauses in his answer revealed his confusion", Tom countered.
"I spit on your demagoguery about the Al Qaeda threat!" Tom said terrifyingly.
"I hate Ireland so much I'm reintroducing snakes to its ecosystem," Tom spat.
107: That was the reference I was going for, yes.
It's weird. I think these are funny, and normally I don't have too much trouble with wordplay, but I absolutely can't generate any. There's something about them that makes me completely blocked, said Liz plaintively.
I work backwards from the verb or adverb.
I have the same issue as LB (except I'm not normally so good at wordplay, so perhaps it doesn't surprise me as much). I'd tried 128, which is a good way for me to easily come up with unfunny ones ("Let's go fishing," Tom said alluringly), but not any good ones.
129.last: They're supposed to be good?
"There were two presidents named Roosevelt? Far out!" Tom hooted.
"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die," Tom said fulsomely.
"These flowers are out-of-control," Tom said lackadaisically.
"Thanks for the phone number, but your handwriting is terrible," Tom said negligibly.
"I haven't been this baked since Harold and Kumar", John choked.
There's something about them that makes me completely blocked, said Liz plaintively.
"Couldn't we squabble about something more interesting?", Tom said plaintively.
"The State Department is not a hotbed of Communism!" Tom hissed.
"The death drive is only a mask of the Symbolic order", Tom said laconically.
"This enchanted water has given us all amazing powers!", Tom observed superfluously.
"And I wouldn't care if you're ugly / 'Cause here in the dark I couldn't see", Scott Walker sang, delighted.
"The toilets are a mess," Tom lugubriously observed. "I'm not putting out cheese with dinner anymore."
142 was a statement, not a request. Which is just as well, considering.
"I put up a brave face, but it is true that I hurt in every part of my body", Tom allowed.
"A boat fit for Noah himself!" exclaimed Tom, anarchically.
"It's the gospel truth!" Tom wrote, prognostically.
"Let's just try this battery one more time," Tom said, revoltingly.
"That's just your opinion, you nit," said Tom, sedulously.
"Lionel, oh Lionel," called Tom, trillingly.
"I feel like an ass that I didn't invite you to the party, but there were so many relatives on the guest list, and the venue had a strict maximum occupancy," Tom said bashfully.
156: Well, i figured that had to be an oldie.
"Always 'puff, puff, puff', eh Mr. Watt?" asked Tom, steamily.
"Yes, Sister Maria, that is quite a prominent rock outcropping," Tom said, denunciatorily.
"I say, there's a bit of a pong in here after 6 hours of PE classes, what?" Tom said, gymnastically.
"I don't think I can lighten my pack any more after this", Tom announced.
"Mightn't you have left it in that sheaf of papers?" Tom inquired.
"I wonder why no one's ever written an ode on the salmon", Tom said oafishly.
"Well, I think I'm going to get sterillized, but then again, maybe I shouldn't, no, I probably should; ultimately, it's up to you," Tom vacillated, deferentially.
"Following this fiscal austerity scheme has finally let me start saving money, but all the fun has gone out of my life", Tom said miserably.
"That throw was a piece of shit! He wasn't out! He touched the bag no problem you incompetent goddamn Candlestick umps!" cursed Tom, miserably.
"Your rooster stew was delicious", Tom said coquettishly.
"Some Sox are in first place," Ozzie said; mighty White of him.
"The corn really is as high as an elephant's eye!", Tom said, amazed.