Re: Remind her gently

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I understand Chinese has one word that means both "crisis" and "fuck! crisis!"


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 2:14 PM
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Interesting. Usually mistranslated Chinese signs with "fuck" are based on a completely different word.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 2:26 PM
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Manipulate me, two years of chinese and I can recognize just over half of these characters, and even those make no sense together.

an unintentionally cacophemistic rendering of "gentle reminder"

The "gentle reminder" part is the first line, literally translated as "kick-show". My mnemonic is now the kicking the shit out of the first guy to interrupt the fuck-class, as a gentle reminder to the rest.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 2:30 PM
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Manipulate me

Okay! That'll be $99.95.


Posted by: The American Chiropractic Association | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 2:48 PM
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The "gentle reminder" part is the first line

I know, but I don't care.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 2:49 PM
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There is a gesture which could theoretically (based on morphology) mean "two people meet two other people" in ASL, but which in fact means "fuck" (with pretty much the same set of related meanings as the English) and which also looks very similar (to the untrained eye) to the actual ASL sign for "meet" (as in nice to meet you). This is an unending source of humor for people who are requested, usually at bars or parties, to teach other people "how to sign".


Posted by: E. Messily | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 2:50 PM
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I was taught an ASL sign for "fuck" that I would transliterate as "two bunnies bumping uglies"; was I sold a bill of goods?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 3:08 PM
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that's probably right. What you are thinking of as "bunnies", I am thinking of as "pairs of people" (or, alternatively, upside-down-people-from-the-waist-down).

The point is that if you have two lone index fingers, that means "one person meeting another person" and if you have one bunny and one index finger, that means "two people meeting one person", but if you try to talk about two people meeting two other people, you are in trouble.

Also the other point is that hearing people seem frequently unable to tell the difference between "index finger" and "bunny". Be careful out there.


Posted by: E. Messily | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 3:17 PM
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So how do you talk about two people meeting two other people?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 3:25 PM
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Also the other point is that hearing people seem frequently unable to tell the difference between "index finger" and "bunny".

I blame Little Bunny Foo Foo.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 3:30 PM
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8: So what you're saying is, while I may think it's friendly on the first of a new month to say, "Rabbit, rabbit," signing as much might be perceived as too friendly?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 3:30 PM
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9: carefully, and using other words.

11: to be clear, none of these signs actually have anything to do with rabbits. That was all Sifu.


Posted by: E. Messily | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 3:32 PM
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Posted by: | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 4:38 PM
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11: Hey, someone else who does that! Though my family says "rabbits, rabbits, rabbits" on the first day of the month and "hares, hares, hares" on the last day.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 5:29 PM
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completely unrelated to anything: if you have an ask the mineshaft sort of question, do you just...i dunno. are those generally questions posed by people that regular posters already know? in comments?

really -- and this sounds desperate bc it kind of is, bc i'm in that desperate immediately-after-state -- i'm looking for various techniques the mineshaft may have used to get through bad break ups. possibly boring, i know, and perhaps even a little pathetic, but a) f*ck pathetic, this hurts, and b) somehow it seems utterly profound to me in this particular instant. also would be interested in hearing other people's awful break up stories, bc for some reason that helps, and i'm not above admitting it. (i've already watched that werner herzog documentary about the filming of fitzcarraldo, bc i wanted to watch someone have a worse week than me. perhaps not a long term strategy, but i can always take up running or something.)

brief context: first real love / (tumultuous) relationship (hence the inexperience and looking for other people's suggestions) finally dumped me bc she can't give up the idea of the straight future she'd always envisioned for herself (i'm gay, she acknowledged she was bi about 1.5-2 yrs ago, but she'd been weirdly after me for about 8 years).

ugh. reading over this it's...awful? i do have friends to ask for comfort and support (i promise), but i figure...wisdom in numbers? maybe? and in distracting myself and i stumbled back here again, and....i dunno. i've always liked this blog (altho i still don't know what happened to either ogged or unf; i'd be away for a few months, and poof! gone). figured i'd ask.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:01 PM
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I'm sorry, lurker! I know how very, very much it sucks. I have no real advice -- I've always been a wallower myself -- except that cheezy platitudes about time are true.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:07 PM
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thanks oudemia. somehow there is comfort in recognition w others...


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:10 PM
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A dear friend of mine was dumped by her first real girlfriend/love because she wanted the storybook straight future. She was (apparently, this was before I knew her) devastated and inconsolable, but eventually they became friends. When the ex-gf got married, my friend (now very happily partnered) was not only invited, but a part of the ceremony. One of the special bride dances was with her.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:16 PM
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LTL, ask the mineshaft questions—i.e. questions posted as such on the main page—are just emailed in to a poster the emailer thinks likely to post it. I suppose that they are usually posted by people who comment, but I think lurkers have turned the trick as well.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:18 PM
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lurker, my sympathies.

My 'techniques' for getting through the intermediate aftermath usually involve explaining carefully to myself that wallowing is the worst thing I can do, I must stay busy, start that new exercise routine or visit those friends I've been not visiting, etc. etc. How well that lecture works varies, of course.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:21 PM
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"When the ex-gf got married, my friend (now very happily partnered) was not only invited, but a part of the ceremony. One of the special bride dances was with her."

wow. that seems...impossibly functional.

the curious part of my brain wonders if i could handle that if i was partnered, if i wasn't partnered, etc. but there's another part (probably lizard-like) that simply recoils in horror from the idea of her with a dude, which is also what i know is likely to happen incredibly soon.

i am very impressed with your friend.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:22 PM
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intermediate s/b immediate


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:23 PM
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parsimon: productivity, silver lining!

i like this.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:23 PM
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A new exercise routine has the potential added benefit of that old mind-body synergy: the stronger you feel physically, the stronger psychologically.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:26 PM
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LTL: I'd say to wallow. You get up to a month to be real blatant about it in a self-pitying way, constantly talking about it, drinking too much and eating coffee ice cream. Oh, and having poorly-advised sex with people you won't want to see again later.

After that, you'll have to wallow in a more self-caring kinda way, focused on exercising and massages and cutting your hair and going to your friends' houses for dinner and getting a puppy.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:26 PM
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Heh, I hadn't read 20 when I typed up 25.

There you have it, LTL. You can pick and choose the advice you want to follow.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:27 PM
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Sorry, ltl. There are breakup-related threads, but someone more adept at archive searches than I am will have to find them for you. IME, realizing that your ex was genuinely crazy helps, but perhaps that's not the case with you. Good luck.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:28 PM
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OH HELLO FELLOW LURKER

This year I thought of asking the mineshaft the same sort of thing, but could never put it into words. I thought of other things, like trying to commission a Dinosaur Comics about my unfair misery -- that would work, right?! -- or, I dunno. I'm more or less over it by now; dating again, anyway, but not totally sure I buy into the cost/benefit of it all. I've had a lot of relationships, and when you're falling in love it's fantastic, but is it worth the 95% chance of great pain? As the pain fades you start to do the math differently and that's when you might get back in the saddle. But is that the rational thing to do? Maybe I'm not actually ready yet.

Anyway, yes, in 6 months I expect you will have a new you, one who's not in agony. In a year you'll probably be able to laugh about it, at least bitterly, and you'll probably think by then "I know I was hurt a lot, but I know I'm better off without her, someone who didn't truly want to be with me, so I'm glad it's over." That's not so long, really. Do some yoga, start a new hobby; time will pass. But don't stay friends. That's my advice. Once I stopped doing that, I got much happier.

Read rabbitblog.com. All her advice is really good. Oh and you could write her too and she might well write back.


Posted by: ell | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:29 PM
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Oh, and having poorly-advised sex with people you won't want to see again later.

I was going to suggest a wildly inadvisable rebound fling but thought the better of it. You go, Megan.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:31 PM
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I would add, however, that getting a puppy is a way worse idea than having a rebound fling.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:33 PM
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The flings work best if you post the details here.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:33 PM
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And send the front-pagers pictures of the puppy to post.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:34 PM
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unfogged absolutely needs more hypomanic sex flingage. Get on it (them), people!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:34 PM
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Same with the puppies.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:35 PM
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On second thought, you could get a puppy and have an insane fling with an animal-rescue type! Exercise me, I'm a goddamn genius sometimes.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:37 PM
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LTL and ell should hook up.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:38 PM
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34 pwned by 32.

It's funny, I can't figure out if it would hurt more or less to be broken up with for a change in orientation. Two of the first three guys I ever made out with ended up gay (well, one of them permanently, one in a partial way for a decade or so), but not while we were involved, so no stress for me.

On one level, it seems like it should hurt less -- it's not about you, and nothing you could possibly do about it. But from similar situations I've heard about, it really doesn't seem to.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:38 PM
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The puppy I got as a result of a bad breakup turned out to be the (widely acknowledged) best dog in the history of the world. It may be that it doesn't always work out that way, though.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:40 PM
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38: Did you have my dog, ari? No. You did not. So stop lying to everyone!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:42 PM
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ah, the flings. i will probably end up sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women, tho i am concerned: one of the great dangers of this relationship was that the sex was incredible. far better than anything previous. altho...perhaps the easiest way to forget is to have loooots of other things to remember.

she's still contacting me. i expect this to be horrible and drawn out.

i wonder if there's a way of to announce "looking to fuck the pain away" without also announcing "i am kind of a crazy person right now." my first guess would be: no. no, there is not.

thanks all :) this does help


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:42 PM
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The puppy-getting advice definitely has possibilities. I wound up having an affair a few months after a painful breakup with someone whose dog I was helping train. So yeah: animals good.

Jesus might have a kitten you could adopt.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:43 PM
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when you're falling in love it's fantastic, but is it worth the 95% chance of great pain?

ell appears to be already on the Emersonian path.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:44 PM
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You can announce "I am temporarily crazy due to a recent breakup -- don't depend on me to be (a) sane or (b) here in the morning" without shame. Probably only for six months or so, but take advantage. The drunk straight women of NY have to have their horizons broadened somehow.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:45 PM
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i will probably end up sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women

Okay, I'm endorsing 31 and 33 enthusiastically.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:46 PM
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Why is she still contacting you if she dumped you? "Hi, just wanted to confirm that we're not on for next week"?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:46 PM
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she's still contacting me.

Ouch.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:47 PM
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Isn't it Unfogged lore that "crazy person" enhances "fuck the pain away"? So far you seem to be on the right track.

Have you stocked up on whatever food you binge on? You only have a few weeks to call that solace. You should make the most of the opportunity.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:47 PM
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Oh [she says airily], people do that all the time: "Hi, I know I dumped you, but feel like talking? Have you gotten that funny noise in your car looked at yet? How's your mom?"


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:49 PM
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45: Isn't that standard horrible breakup behavior? "I'm dumping you, but I'm going to continue all sorts of heavy emotional conversations about how much you mean to me just to keep you on the string and make sure you don't get over it too fast?" I mean, the sort of horrible breakup behavior that otherwise perfectly decent people end up doing sometimes, but still very unpleasant.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:49 PM
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she's still contacting me. i expect this to be horrible and drawn out.

Do not allow this. Seriously.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:49 PM
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Plus if you allow continued contact, she'll totally interrupt the upcoming flings.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:52 PM
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LizardBreath:

this isn't the first time she's freaked out about this, but it is the worst / last time. (you can only get burned so many times.) the pattern is pretty much this: things are great. they get noticeably better - a really great weekend, some new milestone is reached, whatever. things are then wonderful. then she freaks out.

it's a little like charlie brown and the football. (which, btw: I JUST GOT.)

so, really, what i'm saying is: i'm not sure it's a change in orientation, so much as it is that the closet has won.

although, not having been through this before, i can't really say if it's worse. i can say that this being the first time, and me being fairly old for this first time experience (28), seems like it probably doesn't help.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:55 PM
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Only allow contact during the flings, perhaps when you take a quick break to fill us in.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:56 PM
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You might be able to train your puppy to bite her if she comes by in person.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 6:58 PM
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Allow time to wallow in pain and self-pity, but if after a couple months you're showing clear symptoms of depression, get help. Flings are good if they make you feel good, ditto for exercise, ice cream, bacon, washing your bathroom or just about anything else. Do things if they take pain away, even temporarily even if you think they're not stuff you'd want to do on a regular basis in normal times. Don't do stuff if you think it won't, even if it works for others.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:05 PM
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Do not allow this. Seriously. Agreed on the drawn out part, but contact is a subjective thing, dependent on lurker personality and the ex. It can be good, it can suck.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:07 PM
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Be not solitary, be not idle. ([c] Robert Burton, 1621)


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:11 PM
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I'm sure there must be something in there as well though about sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:12 PM
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Richard Burton would agree.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:15 PM
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I think not-solitary-not-idle has that covered.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:15 PM
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60 to 58.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:16 PM
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I wonder how many MIT students you'd have to mug before one of them had a Fibonacci PIN.

Don't do stuff if you think it won't [ease pain], even if it works for others.

I disagree with this. When you're fucked up, nothing seems like it will help, but usually something will. Rather, do something that one would have a reasonable expectation of helping someone else in a similar situation.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:19 PM
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59: And in a ringing baritone, too.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:26 PM
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When you're fucked up, nothing seems like it will help, but usually something will

Throwing up, drinking lots of water, and sleeping it off generally does the trick.

More seriously, I've seen the 'have tons of random sex' thing be both very effective and the reverse. Same goes for the 'be productive, throw yourself into work and activities'. For me, making sure I get some socializing (but not too much), reading piles of trash SFF and good poetry, and good food seem to work. Exercise helps if its of a kind I enjoy, e.g. hiking in a beautiful area, but not for its own sake, e.g. working out indoors. Sex... a nice short fling with someone I like but with no risk of emotions is good, random one night stand with a stranger not so much. But all that's me, not Ms. Lurker.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:29 PM
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64.last is true enough for me as well. Certainly, if you're not a running around and socializing heavily type of person in the first place, it won't be helpful when you're in dire straits. Random hooking up lost any appeal a while ago.

Different strokes, no doubt.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:42 PM
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Hi Longtimelurker!

Sorry you are going through a tough time.

I like:
Wallowing.
Random hookups where you arent invested

try new things: sports (running, swimming, etc) - doesnt really matter whether you are good or not, dancing (same applies - effort only thing that matters), volunteering at farmer's markets, etc, hiking groups.

Get out of your normal circles. Get into new ones.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:59 PM
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62a: The key to my iPhone is Fibonacci. I wouldn't trust a bank account to the sequence, though; you could end up getting ripped off by a pine cone.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 7:59 PM
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@foolishmortal:

um. this is perhaps more info than i should give out about myself over the internet, but holy fucking crap: i went to mit, and can you see my email address and its FIBONACCI SEQUENCE?

i just told her i'm not her friend, and if i'm not her girlfriend then there's really not much to say that isn't extremely hurtful, SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY. so, that. i might not be proud of it later, but god i just wanted her to leave me alone.

"be not idle and be not alone" sounds like really excellent advice. i may have screwed it up for tonight, so drinking is also looking pretty good, but, you know...future reference.

ps again...thanks to all.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:03 PM
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@will:

yeah, probs i should finally find a lesbian pod of my own. (they travel in pods, you know.) my gay friends are mostly out of town.

right now i'm trying to think of the gayest hobby i can.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:07 PM
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Oh, yes, a little wine helps too!!

When I first separated, the silence of being home alone was hard so I often went anywhere people might be gathered: coffee shops, target, etc.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:07 PM
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an you see my email address and its FIBONACCI SEQUENCE?

Yes, at unfogged, though not at many blogs running more modern software, if you have an email address but no URL among your commenter info, the name under which you comment is linked to your addy. Thus I believe we can see not only the first seven numbers in the fib. sequence, but two letters that may very well be your initials.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:07 PM
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Come to Richmond! I live in gaytown!

Volunteer for gayrights groups! In Richmond, it is Equality Va.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:09 PM
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I don't know how you manage such constant ebullience, will.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:12 PM
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I guess this has more or less been covered but my piece of advice was: accept that you are going to be a lunatic. It's like one time when I had to dump someone really nice because (among other things) he did sort of cutesy baby voice in bed, I got some good advice which was "accept that you are going to be the bad guy."

Your friends will get it that you're just going through something and will stick around and maybe express vague concern to one another, and the people you hook up with will just tell the story of "that one really insane one I hooked up with that one time" and it will enliven their dinner parties/bar conversations.

Also I hooted loudly with laughter at the sentence about Herzog. If this is your version of being a wreck, it is way more together than mine when I got painfully dumped. IANAD but I think you're gonna live.

Lean on your friends, talk trash about her closeted ass unless that starts feeling mean and bad, and eat lots of whatever. You'll know if any of these things is becoming problematic. You sound like a grownup.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:13 PM
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72: I don't want to rain on your gay parade, will, but I suspect that Richmond—Babe's of Carytown notwithstanding—has a gay community somewhat less thriving and diverse than that of New York City.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:15 PM
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69 Gayest hobby: opera. Most lesbianic hobby...restoring houses? It's one of those things where I can generalize about my own but maybe shouldn't about anyone else. 2nd gayest hobby: having lots of ill-advised flings so, y'know...two birds, one stone?


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:18 PM
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Further to 75: On the other hand, I can advise that taking a random, impulsive road trip can be a helpful break-up salve. Among the other pieces of good advice in this thread.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:19 PM
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Stanley was a suburbanite. Don't listen to him. Museum District is teeming with the gays. A pod of them just walked by our house.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:20 PM
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@71

sad. part of the magic is gone.

not to worry, they're the initials of a pseudonym.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:26 PM
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75: Richmond does have a building shaped like a giant pack of smokes, which isn't the same thing but isn't something I've seen anywhere else.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:31 PM
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ok, secretly it stresses me out that i haven't found a lesbian pod. i've been back in a nyc a good two years, tho they've been variously tumultuous years, and at first i went through a phase of actively hunting out prospective pods, but all the ones i found kind of...sucked. i know, i know: all of new york city. but the scene here is pretty insular, and i got very busy with other parts of my life, and shit happened, and then somehow i ended up here. so.

BUT. perhaps this is excellent motivation. or something.

re: being a grown up: i am EXCEEDINGLY grateful that this did not happen during my blackout years. i have little impulse control and an unrealistic perception of risk, and somehow i feel that these things would not mix well with both a feeling of "fuck everything" *and* illicit substances.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:35 PM
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My break-up strategy is to indulge myself. It's kind of cheesy. But it works. For me it was to spend money on myself on things like flowers and ice cream and books. I used to design these evening-ins that I totally fucking loved. Sort of like, "I'm going to create something so decadent that I'll miss it when I have to give it up because I'm happy again, because that's the deal: it's a crutch for when I'm sad."


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:39 PM
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@ 82:

i really like the idea of this, but as i think about it, i'm afraid i'm more motivated by spite. i don't feel particularly bad about this or anything, it just is what it is. so i think i'm gonna work out a lot and get really hot again. and possibly do other things.

you seem like a really nice person, though.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:49 PM
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I like to think I'm a nice person!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:53 PM
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sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women

Wow, are you dedicated. I want a job with enough vacation time to set goals like that.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:53 PM
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Actually, my break-ups were kind of opposite: I didn't really have strong feelings about the specific person, I was just super scared to be alone. Eventually I went to therapy.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:54 PM
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oh, wait, not, like, *crazy* things. more fucking the pain away.

it's sad, but i really don't think i'm going to be able to have her in my life at all, at least not anytime even remotely soon. we've known each other for 8 years, and i really love her. i really resent how much i love her, actually, as she's been kind of crappy. but...it is what it is.

thank you, mineshaft.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:56 PM
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Oh oh oh wait. I am over-posting here but you mentioned spite and I immediately thought of something I did once at (what appeared to be) the end of a friendship that was extraordinarily satisfying. I visited a mutual friend in Bloomington, Indiana and we got high and wrote a mean song about the person in question. Halfway through we realized the tune she had picked out on the guitar was "who's that kid with the Oreo cookie" but this was hilarious because, yeah, we were high. So yeah, work out and get hot, living well/best revenge/blah but meanwhile write a mean song about her. This doesn't have to take place in Bloomington.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:57 PM
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Once a guy broke up with me, and then passed out in my bed. I went and got a cup of water and poured it in his ear. He was really pissed, but I felt much better.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 8:59 PM
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89: I could never date anybody with an ear big enough to hold a cup of water.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:04 PM
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I guess that makes me shallow.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:04 PM
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89: An act morally superior to that of someone gluing a caterpillar.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:04 PM
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91 to 92.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:06 PM
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As for advice that hasn't been given yet, eventually you should pick a pseud and comment regularly. It's a fantastic distraction.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:06 PM
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Had you glued a caterpillar in his ear, however, we would be morally obligated to shun you.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:18 PM
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Even if I watered it?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:19 PM
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At least until it became a glue butterfly. At least.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:19 PM
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@88: i actually think it could help to mentally rehearse every single one of her flaws, over and over again. perhaps "we didn't start the fire" would provide enough room? spite!

@89: that is thoroughly, impressively, shakespearean. i think if someone did that to me i would be too impressed to be properly angry. like, yeah, you dick, now i have to clean it out with vinegar and alcohol so i don't get swimmers ear, but WELL DONE.

@94: i expect to spend way too much time thinking of an appropriate pseud, and then, dissatisfied, going with something randomly taken off the spine of a visible book. (altho i know this is stolen from somewhere, "donkey hodey" feels somehow really, really appropriate right now.)


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:21 PM
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also, glued a...catepillar.

yes.

perfectly reasonable. glue away.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:22 PM
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"Wry Cooter" is still available.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:22 PM
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Also "Buck Bales", but you might want to save that for a farmer-type person.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:24 PM
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I ended up in a discussion last night about vegan beekeepers. A very earnest young woman told me that it's wrong to take the bees' honey because it's their "food and medicine," but keeping a hive of bees is fine as long as you don't take the honey. She then went on to tell me about the many wonderful medicinal properties of honey, and there was definitely honey in the dessert we were served, so I guess she wasn't vegan.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:26 PM
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And "Matt Weiner". </ob>


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:26 PM
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@ 102: not a vegan, but still possibly crazy. or not entirely clear on the meaning of "vegan." or "medicinal."

@ 103: i actually know someone named matt weiner.

somehow i feel there are many puns i'm not getting. i am, in a few ways, a guileless geek.


Posted by: longtimelurker | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:37 PM
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oh fuck it, i'm just gonna be dona quixote.

hi.

now more drinking.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:40 PM
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...it's wrong to take the bees' honey because it's their "food and medicine,"

What if you killed the bees first?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:50 PM
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When killing bees, I've always gone for the patella; I've heard it's the bee's knees.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 9:57 PM
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106: only if you use the meat. Tiny bee steaks.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:00 PM
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The comments to this thread are directly relevant.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:01 PM
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Starting about half a dozen comments in, that is.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:02 PM
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Moby is there any animal you wouldn't kill?


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:13 PM
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Puppies, horses, kittens, and elephants.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:16 PM
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But, say you had to kill the bees. Say they lived right next to some guy who couldn't be moved or enclosed in anyway and who was fatally allergic to bee stings and who would develop a cure for being an asshole if he lived for five more years. So, since they have to kill the bees, the vegans should be O.K. with consuming the honey.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:19 PM
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Tiny bee steaks

Think bigger, Smearcase.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:20 PM
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113; But you don't have to kill them, Moby. You could get a beekeeper to come and take them away. They can live on a nice farm, with the snakes.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:24 PM
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That's right. I'd forgotten that you can ship bees because they come in boxes.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:27 PM
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ZPARE UZZZZZ!


Posted by: OPINIONATED BEES | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:27 PM
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Anyway, I'm currently very happy with in my current relationship with bees. They don't sting me and I buy the good honey that means the bees get to eat the nice nectar.

I was only trying to think of a way to keep the vegans from missing out.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:31 PM
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that is thoroughly, impressively, shakespearean

Only thoroughly if the water was poisonous.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:34 PM
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118: Thoughtful!


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:39 PM
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||

I am shocked to learn that my mother likes Last Year at Marienbad.

|>


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:42 PM
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Also she just called me a "fucking idiot".


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 10:45 PM
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Also she just called me a "fucking idiot".

Feisty.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 11:21 PM
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It was because I let my passport expire! The passport I haven't used in like four years!


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 11:36 PM
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i'm afraid i'm more motivated by spite

We should talk! I love spite!


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 5-10 11:38 PM
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122, 124: Why didn't she just give you a gentle reminder?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:54 AM
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Hey, if you would be in a 'fuck class' would you like to be disturbed?


Posted by: Earnest O'Nest | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:13 AM
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now i have to clean it out with vinegar and alcohol so i don't get swimmers ear

Wait, what? You have to do this every time you get water in your ear?


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:20 AM
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Hey, if you would be in a 'fuck class' would you like to be disturbed?
I'd like to be flat out crazy - they say it helps.
Posted by: Awl | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:22 AM
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re: 128

You don't carry a little pre-mixed pot around? For when it rains?


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:24 AM
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129: They say that in fuck class? No wonder then that they don't want to be disturbed.


Posted by: Earnest O'Nest | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:32 AM
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My relationship with bees deteriorated significantly after one stung Rory yesterday.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:02 AM
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Is Rory allergic? If not, it will build character.


Posted by: W. Breeze | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:34 AM
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102: She probably meant "take *all* their honey." Apparently cheap honey making practice is to replace all the honey in the hive with sugar water, leaving the bees to eat shittier food and consequently make shittier honey (and, you know, robbing them of the crazy complicated food they make for themselves). So, not all vegans avoid honey, but the ones who eat it spend the extra $$ to buy the stuff from the hippies who let the bees keep eating their food.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:46 AM
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sorry for your bummer situation, donaquixote. I sort of don't have anything useful to offer since I always had someone else lined up, whom I was already screwing, when I dumped the first person, so, yeah. that makes me kind of an asshole. on the general topic of being miserable I am well-informed and I recommend going outside in the sunlight a lot, and reading crap SF and mystery novels. I endorse your having sex with half the lesbians and half the drunk straight girls in Manhattan as well. and this is kind of a stupid thing to say, but if I were looking for a new group of lesbian friends, I would go to some lesbian bar that I've never been to before and become a regular (assuming the people seemed worth getting to know). IME lesbian bars have a lot more friendliness/solidarity than other bars. and then, there's always refreshing unfogged threads like a crack-addled monkey pressing the bar in a skinner box. may I suggest you get into an argument with bob? no, too easy. I know, piss off sifu somehow! he really pulls his weight when it comes to bitter, thousand-comment disagreement threads. nothing springs to mind as guaranteed to get on his nerves, though, you'll just have to experiment. experiment with his mom.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:10 AM
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nothing springs to mind as guaranteed to get on his nerves, though, you'll just have to experiment.

You might start with some weak-arsed half-remembered philosophical critique of neuroscience, though; maybe combined with a general scorn for electronic music, and some sort of disparagement of the Chinese martial arts?*


* I may be reaching a bit here ...


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:15 AM
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Yeah, I think ttaM has it. Some crap about Searle completely destroying the foundation for modern neuroscience (or AI? I'm not sure which Sifu actually works in) ought to do it. I'd join in myself, but I have to lavage my ears this evening.


Posted by: W. Breeze | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:28 AM
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132. Is Rory allergic? Allergy can build up, so it's worth keeping an eye on, even if she's OK this time. Anecdata: I've been stung three times, at roughly ten year intervals. First time I yelped a bit. Second time, it itched like a bitch for a while. Third time I had to take all my clothes off and stand with my arms extended for nearly three hours till the hives went down enough to touch. Now I have an epi-pen.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:33 AM
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re: 138

Funnily enough, I had exactly the same conversation with my boss re: wasps. He has an allotment and over the past couple of years has been stung fairly often, with increasingly severe symptoms each time. Last time his throat constricted [although not enough to cut of his air supply completely] and he needed medical treatment. Now he carries an epi-pen, too.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:35 AM
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Or maybe some starry-eyed Steven pinker worship combined with data from when they put those Tibetan monks in the MRI while they were meditating? And Aphex Twin has totally sold out, man.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:55 AM
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I guess that makes me shallow.

No, but it makes your dates shallow, probably, if they can't carry that much water.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:14 AM
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If Ciao means fuck, the Italians will live up to their image in China.


Posted by: Earnest O'Nest | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:36 AM
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Aphex Twin sold out to Searle and replaced all the food in the monk's MRI with crappy Tae Kwon Do moves? Fuck you all!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:44 AM
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There is only possible solution to donaquixote's woes: be the first to sleep with a man.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:46 AM
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re: 143

Specifically, Tae Kwon Do's famous punching. Aphex Twin sold out when he released that acoustic album of Shania Twain duets.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:53 AM
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There is only possible solution to donaquixote's woes: be the first to sleep with a man.

Have the operation, then knock at her door drunk and crying late at night and scream "look what I did! All for you! Now you have to take me back!"

...too soon?


Posted by: Awl | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:57 AM
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darn it!

There is only possible solution to donaquixote's woes: be the first to sleep with a man.


Posted by: Awl | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:59 AM
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147: But if she is a man, she'll be sleeping with a man -- her/himself -- every night. So your original post is a win anyway.


Posted by: W. Breeze | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:12 AM
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145: "26 Mixes for Cash" was a pretty clear statement of intent from the Aphex Twin


Posted by: W. Breeze | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:13 AM
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My last encounter with a bee remains traumatic.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:25 AM
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Most lesbianic hobby...restoring houses?

What, not softball?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:38 AM
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My inadequacies are many and vast, but they include a remarkable alacrity for the misconjugation of verbs.


Posted by: ToS | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:59 AM
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To LTL's question about lesbian pods: Are there activities that you might find interesting where there are some lesbians, but they're not the dominant plurality of the scene? So, i.e. NOT a softball team or something, but like, I dunno, a fencing club or whatever. My sense is that pods in general tend to develop where there's some kind of actually need for a self-conscious sub-group identity. (Or a subaltern identity? Hmmm.) I just notice that there's a pretty good lesbian scene at my work, which includes a lot of bisexual radicals and stuff, but not a huge number of lesbians, but since there are some, then they tend to stick closer than they would otherwise.

I'm not much of a one for bad break-up stories. The one that hurt the most transformed into one of my most important friendships, but it sure doesn't sound like that's in the cards here. I'd stay out of movie theaters, even if you're going with friends. Somehow I always feel double-bereft after a movie lets out.

Also, if you would like to correspond with other lesbians who are very bitter about all the times they've been in exactly your situation, I could give you some email addresses.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:02 AM
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It was her first bee sting. A lot of pain, and a good bit of swelling. No hives or itching or throat swelling shut. Enough swelling, though, that I'll be watching closely.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:33 AM
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@153: yeah, this seems like some sort of horrible lesbian rite of passage. i think it's also where bi women get their reputation for crazy (amongst the lezzies, anyway). if you know any fellow travelers, i'd definitely be interested.

@135: i think i have a mild crush on sifu tweety from years of reading the poor man. same dude, right? there aren't rival sifu tweetys running around the internet?

@146: is *fantastic*. i once tried to pull some less-surgically-oriented psychological aikido on a different crazy closeted lesbian, and failed *miserably*. wait. i feel the lesson might be: no more fucking closets.

i am pretty sure sport fucking is the answer i like best. i guess i could join some sort of organization and fight for my rights, or whatever, tho i tend to question the wisdom of any organization that hires attractive teenagers to accost strangers in union square. i have a moment for gay rights if YOU do, baby.

(also, turns out sleeping and eating are kind of difficult. what a stupid physiological response.)

bee stings terrify me for potential anaphylaxis; i've never been stung. (i hope rory's ok. sounds like a kid. hopefully resilient?) i had an allergic experience while traveling by myself in a foreign country where i didn't speak the language, and when they shot me full of corticosteroids i had the fun hypomanic reaction. so that turned into an interesting vaca. i also now have an epi-pen.

my very relevant, very useful advice wrt epi-pens: the big, thick, incredibly sharp needle meant to punch through all layers of clothing and deliver a life-saving dose of epinephrine as quickly as possible in fact emerges (at an astonishing speed) from the black rubber end that looks like a freaking button. also, thumbs are not the most efficient place to stab yourself with an epi-pen, but they will do in a pinch.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:16 AM
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Regarding epi-pens (and I'm pretty sure this is a repeat comment), I travel often with a bandmate who's terribly allergic to nuts. He always reminds me where the epi-pen is and assures me that, in the moment, I'll know what to do. I tend to imagine some horrific combination of reverse-Sword in the Stone (with Andre 3000 singing "You know what to do!" in the background) and that heroin-overdose, heart-stabby scene from Pulp Fiction. *Shudder*


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:25 AM
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that is an uncomfortable amount of responsibility, perhaps because of the vague, force-like, "you'll know what to do." upon quick historical review, in the instances when someone has assured me of that i've actually known what to do...never. not once. always just made it up.

um. sorry? there's a practice epi-pen that smart people practice with when they get their epi packs...


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:34 AM
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Dona, Rory is my daughter, 11. Quite resilient, thankfully.

As for breakups, if you search the archives for "UNG," you can get the play-by-play of history's most bitter break up. But this sounds a lot like a different bad break up I went through. Someone who loved you, but is unable to let go of a certain image she wants to project for her life. IME, you may hate her for awhile, but you'll feel much better when that gives way to pity. It is sad, after all, that the need for a "straight" life keeps her from being able to follow her heart.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:37 AM
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my very relevant, very useful advice wrt epi-pens: the big, thick, incredibly sharp needle meant to punch through all layers of clothing and deliver a life-saving dose of epinephrine as quickly as possible in fact emerges (at an astonishing speed) from the black rubber end that looks like a freaking button. also, thumbs are not the most efficient place to stab yourself with an epi-pen, but they will do in a pinch.

This is a design flaw with NAPS combi pens and morphine autojectors as well, and that's even more serious because not only are they generally used in situations of extreme emotion, they're normally not used to self inject. So you can go from "Shit! We have one person flopping around on the ground bleeding/ convulsing!" to "Double shit! Now we've got one person flopping around bleeding/convulsing and another previously perfectly healthy person with a big hole in his thumb and semiconscious from morphine/ starting to shut down from atropine poisoning!"

Shades of "The Producers."

"I'm hysterical! I'm hysterical!"
(splash)
"Now I'm wet! I'm wet! And I'm still hysterical!"
(smack)
"I'm in pain! And I'm wet! I'm in pain, and wet! And I'm hysterical!"


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:40 AM
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My reactions to stings are getting worse. Time for me to get an epi-pen. (I already got a bee suit.)


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:41 AM
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157: Eh, the load is lifted because he's super careful about it to an almost-OCD extent. Like, he won't drink out of a bottle of water if he's not 100% sure it's his; won't eat out at all (peanut oil abounds, apparently, not to mention those Texas-style(?) steakhouses with the peanuts-on-the-floor thing); that sort of thing. He's never had to use the epi-pen but likes to know that those around him know about it.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:42 AM
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||

On the vague link to medications, does anybody have any experience with nefopam hydrochloride?

|>


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:43 AM
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I am still really curious about what happened to all these peanut-allergic people fifty years ago, before it was really recognised, and am hoping the answer is not "they all died young".


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:44 AM
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re: 163

There's a fair bit of speculation in the literature, I think, because a lot of these allergies have (apparently) become much more common.

e.g.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allergy#Hygiene_hypothesis


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:48 AM
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163. On the basis of a sample of two older people with nut allergies I know, the routine was:

i. Be terrifyingly ill once.
ii. Be unbelievably careful forever.

It wasn't that it wasn't recognised (I believe it was less common), so much as they hadn't a clue what to do about it. And the idea of putting warnings on packaging and that was just not there.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:52 AM
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My mom claims some sort of weird allergy to shellfish that's grown ever-more-complicated over the years, now including "allergic to shrimp that's been frozen in a particular manner". I half suspect she just had some bad shrimp, but who knows?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:56 AM
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164: As Emerson says, eat dirt for good health.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:58 AM
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160: Like the costume the little girl wears in the "No Rain" video?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:01 AM
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In the future, there will be lots of different sorts of epi-pen. Caffe-Pens, to deliver a rapid intravenous jolt if you feel yourself falling asleep in a meeting. Alco-Pens, which will take over from jagerbombs for rapid drunkenness among the rugby/frat community. Ecsta-Pens, if you find yourself feeling bitter and hostile towards other people. Sero-Pens, which have a massive needle that punches straight through the bone of the skull to deliver serotonin and fight depression. And Aborto-Pens, for instant administration of Plan B.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:02 AM
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I'm allergic to nearly everything, but just in an itching rash kind of way. I finally found and killed the poison oak bush near my house. It was hiding, mixed in with regular bushes. I'm waiting for all the sap to dry before I remove the thing. Two winters ago, I went through a ton of steroids to get rid of the worst weeping rash I've ever had.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:07 AM
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167: Who wants to keep eating dirt? Infect yourself with hookworms once and be done with it.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:15 AM
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My last encounter with a bee remains traumatic.

Mine too.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:18 AM
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I regret not making an Apo-Pen reference but I honestly don't want to think about what it might do.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:28 AM
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A good friend of mine's daughter has severe allergies to milk and nuts. Nuts isn't too bad, because everyone knows about it and they're *relatively* easy to avoid. Dairy is fucking awful. Apparently Disneyworld is a good place to go on holiday because you can prebook all your meals and they will cater for anything, and thus you can eat out safely.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:38 AM
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"As for breakups, if you search the archives for "UNG," you can get the play-by-play of history's most bitter break up."

Holy crap, Di, I just did this. I read just enough to recoil and think "fucking DICK" several times, so don't have the narrative completely down, but....Jesus.

That worked better than the Herzog doc. I mean...not to be completely self-centered or anything. Shit. I'm sorry? No, really.

Somehow am reminded of the second half of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, when Annie Dillard is all, oh, you think I'm just ecstatic at the wondrous beauty of nature? NATURE IS FUCKING MEAN, BITCHES. Also: Herzog's hilarious speech in aforementioned doc, where he reveals that the symphony of the jungle is really just a symphony of "murder," but with that amazing German accent. And Hobbes, of Calvin, on the purpose/meaning of life: we are here to devour each other alive.

Well, maybe. But sometimes we can be nice.

I truly hope UNG is somehow less of a shit, now. That things are...easier.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:39 AM
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Infect yourself with hookworms once and be done with it.

Obligatory link for the uninitiated.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:42 AM
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HELMINTHS, please.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:44 AM
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I finally found and killed the poison oak bush

You really can't help yourself, can you?


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:45 AM
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174: You can go to kosher places that are dairy free.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:47 AM
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To the extent he's still a shit, he's someone else's shit now, so not my problem. Being forced to support himself for the first time in his life *has* matured him. Some.

No need to be sorry, though. The process was quite effective for sorting the wheat from the chaff in terms of friends, I get to make all my own life choices now, and I get to hang one-on-one withe the best daughter I've ever had. Sometimes the best things come from the worst, honey from the bees as it were.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:50 AM
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Goddamnit. We had Sally's getting-from-school-to-swim-practice all worked out neatly without Buck having to interrupt his workday for it, and now that's fallen through. We're either going to have to to cancel swimming for her (God knows if we can get our money back for the fall term), or Buck's workday is disrupted from three to about seven two days a week.

This was supposed to work out easily this year. Goddamnit.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:50 AM
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178: That rash was just horrible and covered 20% of my lower arm. So much pus or something came out that it soaked through a bandage and a shirt in an hour or so. It took four doctor visits, three courses of oral steroids, and and a bunch of topical creams.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:51 AM
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179: On the other hand, diners keeping kosher should avoid anything called a plato vegetariano in Spain, as I bet you five shiny pesetas it includes a big ol' slab of jamón serrano.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:53 AM
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181: If a barely used bottle of Round-Up is of any use, just let me know.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:53 AM
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183: I remember meals in Spain that were like six kinds of meat and a grilled tomato. It was good and I like meat, but I thought that was a bit much.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:55 AM
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184: Jesus Christ, Moby, she just needs to get her daughter to swim practice, not mess up a bunch of people's chromosomes! Next time, try to think of a more proportionate response.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:56 AM
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187: I thought maybe a poisonous plant was in the way.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:58 AM
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also, turns out sleeping and eating are kind of difficult. what a stupid physiological response

Textbook depression, as you probably know. If it goes on for than a month or so (somewhat arbitrary timeframe), you may want to talk to a therapist, particularly one who deals with short-term crises unless you're interested in something ongoing. If your friends don't know a good one, you could probably get recs from the NYers here.

Surprisingly, no one has suggested copious amounts of bad TV for distraction and wallowing. I recommend it.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 11:10 AM
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Surprisingly, no one has suggested copious amounts of bad TV

Wait for it …


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 11:12 AM
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How much longer do we have to wait, nosflow? Some of us are bored but stuck at work, craving entertainment.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:08 PM
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Fine, fine.

I don't even have a TV.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:12 PM
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Oh, I can use advice right now, too! Actually, I just need commiseration from strangers with whom I'm not too embarrassed to discuss this.

I've spent this summer doing two things: working on my dissertation, and preparing for the job market. It's not uncommon for ABDs to get hired in my field, and my department has a reputation for placing students well. My advisor has been completely supportive of this plan, and I'll actually be one of the last in my cohort (with a prayer of graduating) to get a job. Anyhow, advisor went out of town for the month, came back, looked at my job materials, and "suggested" that I wait another year before really going on the market. He has good judgment, tons of experience, and is firmly on my side, so I'm going to have to take his advice. I feel like a failure. A broke failure with no friends because they have all fucking left for elsewhere over the past two years.


Posted by: JennyRobot | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:16 PM
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I don't even have a bi ex-girlfriend. Oh wait, I do. That didn't end well.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:17 PM
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As far as depression-based inability to eat, I found it helpful to keep my desk drawer stocked with protein bars and those shelf-stable tuna and cracker lunch packs. Small enough that I could make myself eat, enough calories/nutrition to stop the a-little-too-rapid weight loss.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:20 PM
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Ugh, JennyRobot, that royally sucks. The last part of grad school is so long and painful anyway, and being mentally done and then having your sentence extended by a year really calls for some drinking.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:25 PM
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Thanks, Heebie. There's one job out there that looks like a ridiculously good fit for me (I work in a bizarre, not-too-popular niche of my field), and I still plan to apply, but the odds for being hired aren't good in the best of times.

The worst part is explaining to non-academic friends and family why I'm still "in college."


Posted by: JennyRobot | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:32 PM
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Oh, Jenny. 192 is my story too, though the advisor hasn't given that advice. But he should work for you on this. If you want to go out this year, you need to go out, even if you say it's just a practice run so you know you tried.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:39 PM
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When I get depressed about my lack of professional direction, I remind myself that, barring some unknown-to-me wealthy relative shuffling off and leaving me a shit ton of inheritance money, I'm likely to have to work until I'm seventy-five or so, so there's plenty of time yet.

I'm not sure why I find this thought comforting, because it's really actually depressing at the same time. But there it is.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:45 PM
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So, a lot of people have endorsed Dona Q's plan of sleeping with half of the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women, but none of our commenters who are lesbians in New York or drunk straight women have volunteered to help our new friend out. Will no one step up to the plate?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:48 PM
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I'm of no use here.


Posted by: Kobe | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:52 PM
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Thorn, you have now been reassigned to NY, so get packing, and somebody get LB a drink. (a la this)


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:54 PM
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199: I don't know, I thought LB's "The drunk straight women of NY have to have their horizons broadened somehow" sounded, um, inviting.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 12:58 PM
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I missed that Doña Quixote was in NYC. Let's go to Ginger's and pick up chicks, DQ!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:02 PM
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||

What kind of weirdo Pandora algorithm just got me: M.I.A. "Paper Planes" (voted down) → Coldplay "Don't Panic" (voted down) → A-Ha "Take On Me (Extended version)" (currently being abided out of sheer astonishment)?

|>


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:04 PM
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Nah, as a representative of the dull matronly women of NY, you want someone younger and more adventurous for the horizon-broadening. Although I am being plied with gin and lemonade as we speak.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:06 PM
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Although I am being plied with gin and lemonade as we speak.

Sounds unhygienic. Also, your first sentence contains a misplaced modifier.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:07 PM
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neb sure knows how to sweet talk 'em.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:09 PM
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See my second sentence for an excuse for any grammatical failings. And why unhygienic? You seem to think of plying as a more involved process than it is.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:10 PM
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"To work away at; to attend to; to attack or assail vigorously or repeatedly"


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:14 PM
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sad, i just had a long comment eaten by...something.

the most important points:

rob helpy-chalk is a great, great man.

jenny: ack. limbo is awful. you have a lot of company.

a white bear: done and done. no, really. name a night that is...not tonight (am painting my mother's house to try to help her sell it; if you happen to be aware of any tricks to help along with that -- the selling -- totally open to those). i've actually never been to ginger's (weird, i know), but have had pretty good luck at cubbyhole and the met. my game might be comically bad, of course, which...funny!

di: *good*. in my own case, there is a part of me that feels sorry for whatever dude she inevitably and probably quickly ends up with, bc, you know, that sucks. tho most of me is still just nauseated. i expect the ratio of pity to nausea will change over time.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:16 PM
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i can't have pandora stations anymore. the oppositional defiant side of my personality tends to kick in and i end up trying to fuck with the algorithm. "you think you know me? ha!"

...healthy. but it makes me giggle.

on a side note, when i took part in a study for adults w adhd while still in college and they sent me an ill-advised letter detailing the various diagnoses i might or might not have, my reaction as i read down the list was, "oppositional defiant disorder? fuck you!"


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:20 PM
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You know, I read the UNG posts (which are more pitiful and less bile-inducing than I remember) and cannot for the life of me figure out why he's naked and ugly. I suppose it's a standpipe sort of thing...


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:33 PM
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UNG is a mole rat? I'm sure Moby will be happy to kill him.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:39 PM
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I couldn't actually kill a mammal without reason.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:57 PM
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Tell your mom I said thanks, Moby.


Posted by: Ugly Naked Mole Rat | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 1:58 PM
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I couldn't actually kill a mammal without reason.

You'd use an issue of the magazine? Libertarians really are history's greatest monsters.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:00 PM
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Without Reason I think my guns would have been outlawed or something.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:02 PM
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AWB I have this hazy memory of Ginger's inolving a French lesbian with a Hebrew name (or vice versa: French Jew with a lesbian name...no wait...) who came over and talked to us about I-don't-recall-what (perhaps how much she would like to meet a nice freshly dumped gal looking for a vengeful sportfuck?) and smoked like a chimney, that day we sloshed over there after the last game of the World Cup. I guess that's the only time I've been there, in fact.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:07 PM
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Do sportfucks really work to achieve vengeance? I can see seeking out a fling in order to feel reassured about your own desirability, but unless you're going to crow about the assignation to the ex, the vengeance aspect seems minimal. (Indulging in the whole "You hurt me? Yeah, well, I'm going to hurt you back! Ha-ha!" can feel desperate at the very least, and difficult to execute if you really love(d) the ex.)

Just musing. I think my thinking about this has changed quite a bit over time.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:23 PM
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yeah, i don't actually plan on being in contact with the now-ex, so awareness of each other's conquests will hopefully not enter into it. (thankfully she lives an hour and a half away. not so thankfully...she was in my life, on and off, for 8 years. ugh.)

the sportfucking is more for me. like a palate-cleanser. i know, classy. also probs not realistic, but, you know. distracting.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:30 PM
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Be sure to bed a lawyer along the way: tortfucking!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:35 PM
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218: Yes, we talked for a long time! I kind of thought she was into me, but she kept talking about how annoying her straight friends over there were to the point that I lost interest. (I think she wanted me to help her make them jealous? I couldn't figure it out.)

220: Yes, palate-cleansing is important. And if nothing else, the ladies at Ginger's are very very chatty and sometimes offer you baked goods.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:37 PM
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219: We should consult Alanis Morissette lyrics for an answer.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:43 PM
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baked goods?

that is so gay.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:46 PM
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220: Just to be clear, I wasn't scolding or suggesting you needed to apologize for anything. Just really musing about the extent to which my own thinking about that kind of thing in recent years has focused more on "Wow, hurt is bad, really bad, as I am now realizing again, and I should probably try not to hurt anybody in turn even if the possibility is closer at hand than usual, since I'm hurt and angry and not thinking clearly." It's the whole wounded animal thing.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:47 PM
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223: There's nothing particularly ironic about vengeance fucks.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:50 PM
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oh, no, agreed. i think full disclosure about sport fucking is important.

well, prob not phrased as "sport fucking", but being clear about the whole, "i got dumped a few days ago, i am currently a basket case, but you're really hot if that still works for you" thing.

dishonesty kind of exhausts me. i try to avoid it, mostly for that reason.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:51 PM
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also, women sometimes like wounded animals.

just saying.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 2:51 PM
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226: I have other songs you know.


Posted by: Opinionated Alanis Morissette | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:05 PM
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Moby can help out with providing the wounded animals.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:07 PM
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229 is funny.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:08 PM
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I have other songs you know.

Yes


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:26 PM
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220: Yep, it's all about the distraction. An alternative (or supplement) to drowning your sorrow with booze.

221: Sporttortfucking is indeed reasonably prudent.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:33 PM
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also, sporttortfucking: possibly lucrative? i haven't worked out the details yet.

step 1. find a lawyer. sporttortfuck.
step 2. ?
step 3. profit!


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:36 PM
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Opinionated Alanis Morissette

Just a reminder that "Opinionated" isn't necessary to tell us that it isn't really Alanis Morissette dropping by and saying something funny. Sophisticated blog users that we are, we can understand that a regular commenter has made a joke in the persona of a famous person without that signaling. In fact, the joke is damaged by the preface "Opinionated", which brings to mind a different over-used gag here.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:48 PM
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I'm pretty sure Step 2 involved filming and websites.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:50 PM
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Maybe you should go by "Opinionated Megan?"


Posted by: Opinionated Alanis Morissette | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:51 PM
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Why state the obvious?


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:56 PM
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TELL THEM ABOUT THE ALL CAPS, MEGAN


Posted by: OPINIONATED SOPHISTICATED BLOG USER | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:56 PM
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236: oh my, there is so much i don't know.

also, hi megan! i didn't respond earlier, mostly bc i was unsuccessfully trying to sleep. but...hi. (you were the one to say hi, right?)


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:57 PM
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AWB and donaquixote will of course be obliged to liveblog their outing.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:57 PM
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No no, we've made such good progress. Now I want to build on our gains.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:58 PM
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Too late, Sifu. She already announced that she's a lesbian.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:59 PM
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235: In memory of Jesurgilac, perhaps an acronym could be crafted that would summarize your thinking on the topic?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:59 PM
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Could have been me. Hi! Glad you're in the conversation now.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 3:59 PM
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SORRY 239 WAS ME, HONEY


Posted by: OPINIONATED ALANIS MORISETTE'S GRANDMA | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:00 PM
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244 - Well, I'm willing to provide artisanal, hand-crafted objections to OPINIONATED/Opinionated over-usage. I think a personalized response works better. If you think a rote, mass-produced objection would work (perhaps because it can be deployed quickly in emergencies), I bet the hive-mind could come up with one.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:05 PM
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Oh, and Doña, it will be a bit; I'm going out of town for the rest of the week, so if you email me, I'm not ignoring you! I'm seeing parental people who don't have internet.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:06 PM
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232: Dear merciful God.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:11 PM
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WASBU: We Are Sophisticated Blog Users.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:13 PM
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Stop being so prescriptivist, Megan. Unfoggedese is a living language.

The dudes across the aisle on this train are making me feel so old with their talk of this new game Starcraft and how it's too much like Warcraft. (And I was never a gamer, but still. I remember the 90s!)


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:18 PM
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Long may Unfoggedese live, but if it takes away from the funny, it should be directed back towards righteousness.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:30 PM
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You know what takes away from the funny? Lectures on the Rules of Funny.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:39 PM
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It's axiomatic that the blog always already used to be funnier, so the OPINIONATED gag is necessarily the apex of any further humor. Sorry.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:41 PM
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212 - I guess foolishmortal really doesn't even have a tv.

Moby - re kosher - hadn't thought of that, mainly because there aren't any round here. I expect there are plenty of kosher places in North London - wonder if they've ever considered that.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:44 PM
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253 - Would that they weren't necessary.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:45 PM
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The funniest jokes always need an explanation before you get them.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:57 PM
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Meanwhile, I had a dream about a lost love last night and have been pining pathetically all day.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 4:57 PM
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Ben was never yours to lose, Di.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:02 PM
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A girl can dream, Apo.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:04 PM
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I bet the hive-mind could come up with one.

WE'RE TOO BUSY KEEPING AN EYE ON MOBY.


Posted by: OPINIONATED BEES | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:05 PM
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Stop being so prescriptivist

Shit. This means I'm going have to wait freakin' forever before I can say anything to donaquixote about her capitalization. I knew it.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:41 PM
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We just follow the Opinionated Bees. It's easier for everybody that way.


Posted by: Bees | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:45 PM
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||

Worst fucking hangover ever...but I finally found my cure. Doritos and Diet Coke. Apparently only something vile can take away the vileness. (Is this how homeopathy works?)

|>


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:45 PM
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re: 264

Irn Bru functions in exactly the same way.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:55 PM
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White Bear, it's distressing that your parents don't have an Internet. Can we send one with you, in a little box with air holes?


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:56 PM
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264: Was it one of the zany new flavors that did the trick? I'm guessing Tacos at Midnight, though I suppose All Nighter Cheeseburger should be granted fair consideration.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:57 PM
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parismon: you know, i -

wait

I noticed this bit of local etiquette. I did. I will spare you the effort and go about breaking the bad habit on my own.

probably.

(Oppositional defiant disorder? ...)


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 5:58 PM
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SULFUROUS COMPOUNDS IN MY EEN


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:02 PM
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(Is this how homeopathy works?)

Basically. Take a handful of Doritos and some Diet Coke, dilute in alcohol, take a portion of the dilution and dilute in more alcohol, take a portion of the second dilution and dilute in more alcohol, then drink all the alcohol and Bob's your uncle.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:03 PM
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Homie O'Pathy would be a funny name for an Irish rapper.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:04 PM
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Bad pun FTW.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:06 PM
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At least until Megan comes and gets you for making bad puns.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:08 PM
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There are no bad puns, only bad people.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:15 PM
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And I helped!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:31 PM
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265 just gave me some horrible flashbacks to the nights I was actually drunk enough to drink Irn Bru. Those would have been worse hangovers, but I was younger then.

And Stanley, I'm sorry to report that it was just the Nacho cheese flavor. Next time (god I hope there is no next time) I'll go with something more exotic.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:31 PM
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I only eat "Cool Ranch" Doritos, because it has more colors in the flavor dust on the chips.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:34 PM
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I can say anything to donaquixote about her capitalization

Whereas it's the substitution of 'n' for 'ñ' that bothers me.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:35 PM
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I'll go with something more exotic

All Nighter Cheeseburger sounds like a flavor to avoid, I must say. That's made up, isn't it?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:46 PM
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That's made up, isn't it?

Nope.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:53 PM
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You can get a McDouble and two baked apple pies for $2, which is way more calories per dollar than you'll ever get with Doritos.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 6:54 PM
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Before the recession, you used to be able to get a double cheeseburger for $1. When the economy collapsed, they took away one slice of cheese and called it the McDouble.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:05 PM
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I was kind of appalled by all the ham-flavored potato chips for sale in Spain, but I guess they're no worse than some of these Doritos options.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:08 PM
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280: Alright, you "let me Google that for you" person.

People may or may not vaguely remember that a short while ago in a Glenn Beck-related thread, I fussed about Riehan Salam, saying that a recent column of his could be taken apart six ways from Sunday.

Our own Minivet has done some research on the origins and meaning of that phrase.

Wow. Good stuff.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:14 PM
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Is it just me or did somebody try to stuff one fact too many into the same sentence?

The Benedum (formerly the Stanley Theater) is the last venue where Bob Marley and The Wailers performed publicly on Sept. 23, 1980 before his death.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:38 PM
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The All Nighter Cheeseburger flavor is interesting at first. Its powder coating really does taste surprisingly like a cheeseburger, right down to the pickles. However, by the time I was at the end of a bag, it had turned vaguely gross and unappealing (and I have a high tolerance for disgusting industrial food).

The comprehensive list of marketed Doritos flavors is a weird read.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:42 PM
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285: No, it just needs a comma after "publicly" and the deletion of "before his death".


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:47 PM
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Bob Marley DIED?!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:49 PM
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The All-Dressed Ruffles potato chip is a thing of beauty. Apparently not available in the States (I've never seen them here), except perhaps through amazon.


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:50 PM
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I didn't want you to find out this way, Stanley. That's why I suggested deleting that last bit. Sorry.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:51 PM
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I can't remember if the Benedum is the theater with the ceiling decorated with topless women who look like they were painted by somebody who had never seen a topless woman. Or looked very closely at a clothed woman. One of the downtown theaters in Pittsburgh has those paintings and they look like somebody painted breasts on a high school wrestling team.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 7:59 PM
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like they were painted by somebody who had never seen a topless woman

Like, with bags of sand?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:01 PM
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they look like somebody painted breasts on a high school wrestling team.

So how does it compare to this?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:07 PM
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Like, all of those women sure have very broad shoulders, narrow hips, and unlikely torsos. The actual breasts aren't that wrong, it is just that the whole upper body is male.

It may be the Byham Theater. Google isn't helping.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:09 PM
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For some reason I'm entertained by the notion of a store that carries all fifty bazillion Doritos flavors in one gigantic aisle. Will it be Fried Chicken and Green Onion Sauce or Peking Duck flavor tonight, dear, or shall we go for Doritos Unidentified Flavour, and really go nuts?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:10 PM
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I was kind of appalled by all the ham-flavored potato chips for sale in Spain, but I guess they're no worse than some of these Doritos options.

Whereas I was baffled by these when I was in Greece.

(Turkish Doritos, incidentally, are FUCKING DELICIOUS.)


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:19 PM
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This is probably the best thread in which to note that I had a date tonight which was fun (a minor league baseball game) but did not culminate in sex. It was with the same girl from the last date, and it doesn't look like there will be any more. So, yeah. I'm noting it here mostly for nosflow's benefit.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:20 PM
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So, teo, tell us about the baseball game? For instance, to what of the various bases did the offensive sides manage to advance their players?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:23 PM
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Uh, what s/b which, I think.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:24 PM
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The home team won, so that was nice. And there were fireworks afterward.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:25 PM
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Fireworks afterward, but no sex? I think I must have the "bases" metaphor all wrong.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:26 PM
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I'm as surprised as you.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:26 PM
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This is probably the best thread in which to note that...

Actually, I think the hostility about Egyptology thread is a better fit, but who am I to nitpick?

295: I would love, and eagerly frequent, that supermarket aisle. A utopian scenario that could surely never be quite realized, but, you know, dream the impossible dream...


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:31 PM
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They've got Ferdinand Hodler paintings there?


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:31 PM
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304: I've been googling with no luck. Apparently, everybody else just looks at the play instead of the ceiling.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:33 PM
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baseball, home team won, fireworks... the metaphors of your date were just all wrong.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:34 PM
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Actually, I think the hostility about Egyptology thread is a better fit, but who am I to nitpick?

I admit I was conflicted about it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:35 PM
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303: So you're really curious about that Unidentified Flavour, I take it.

Okay, it's caramel and orange zest. You didn't hear it from me.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:36 PM
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It's good you didn't post in the Egypt thread, teo. Then we'd all be wondering if you were in (wait for it) denial.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:38 PM
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Heh.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:51 PM
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291: Michaelangelo?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 8:53 PM
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Yeah, I think ttaM has it. Some crap about Searle completely destroying the foundation for modern neuroscience (or AI? I'm not sure which Sifu actually works in) ought to do it.

The point was not that neuroscience has any inherent problem (I personallly hope it cures a couple of more brain diseases before I get old), but that neuroscience plus AI will not get you to the Singularity, because the mind is embodied.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:11 PM
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OT food question: I've got some veggie soup in the slow cooker that wasn't ready in time for dinner but which I'm content to let sit overnight and reheat for dinner tomorrow. Fridge overnight? Let it sit out with the lid on but with the power off? And what about during work tomorrow, 9-5: instruct me.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:24 PM
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You are thinking of the Byham Theater. Here's the ceiling. Although I do not agree with the description.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:30 PM
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Nice try, Stanley, but asking about food will not turn this into a sex thread.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:32 PM
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313: Fridge overnight, no worries, and then heat it up slowly (in the slow cooker, I mean), or else quickly (on a slow burner for half an hour or so), tomorrow.


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:38 PM
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Incidentally, I kind of like morning soup. But not all soups make good breakfast soups.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:40 PM
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315: Yeah, my left wrist isn't healing very fast and I might have to see the doctor.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:41 PM
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318: Me too.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:44 PM
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313: Lid on, power off, bring to a boil before you eat it. You'll be fine. (Mageirocophobes may disagree, but don't let anyone else's psychopathology get you down.)


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:50 PM
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Geez Louise, Moby, 314 is what your high school wrestling team looked like?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 9:56 PM
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314:Tiepolo it ain't. I did some googling, but I'm guessing WPA/PWA.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 10:29 PM
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||

Damn. 1st chance ever at Playtime and I missed recording the first half on my DVR. And TCM rarely repeats All I can get is that I am watching genius that looks like chaos. 1967 looks terrific here.

IMDB board

The problem is, the genius is in the details. You have to slow down. you won't grasp the whole, if you don't slow down and let the film engulf you. And that can be hard, in todays age of instant gratification. It's not a film that tells you what to look at, if you doon't look and listen, you won't see anything. You can't fastforward, because there's nothing to fastforward to. to see glimpses far apart doesn't do you any good in any case, as those glimpses doesn't tell you what happened in between. It's like fastforwarding a clock, the only thing that has changed is that the clock tells different times. But it doesn't tell you what happened during the time that has past.

|>


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 11:08 PM
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The comment boards are funny.

The film is too slow, and most of the gags go unnoticed.

You have just unwittingly stumbled into the perimeter of wisdom, friend.

Many people say this is the most difficult film to watch evah, tougher than Andre Rublev, and many never get thru it.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 11:24 PM
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Were you at an Isotopes game?


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 11:27 PM
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Silly Robert, the Isotopes are pretty cool and all, but they don't screen experimental films at the games.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 11:29 PM
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Speaking of great films, who knew that A Sunday in Hell was on YouTube. Highly recommended.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09- 6-10 11:40 PM
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Last thoughts on Playtime

A lot of commenters, including famous critics say there are no characters and there is no plot. Bullshit. Besides the theme of straight lines to curves echoed in the transitory romance of Hulot and Barbara, the"problem" is that there are a hundred (1000?) characters and a hundred plots, none of which are foregrounded. Everyone has a story and a progression. There, as far as I could tell, not a single human who was villainous in any way, or unredeemed. Warmest humanist movie ever.

At one point a ceiling collapses, and the hanging boards arrange in the air and I think:"Holy shit, that's Braque. Or Gris. Malevich?" Malevich would be fun, as destruction becomes Constructivism, but probably Braque.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 1:25 AM
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291: Maybe it was Michelangelo.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:29 AM
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Malevich was a Suprematist.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:36 AM
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Does Andre Rublev have a reputation for being the most difficult movie ever? That would be awesome, since I saw the movie and liked it. It would be like accidentally reading Finnegans Wake.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:44 AM
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330:Okay

331:Slow, long, and plotless? "Difficult" can mean different things, Warhol's Empire might be considered difficult by some.

A commenter at IMDB asks "Give me the strength to finish AR". It took me about four tries to do Solaris.

But Playtime is a) very very busy, and b) visually difficult at times, glass and other reflective surfaces, black suits, white shirts, white-coated waiters and B & W dresses in a black & white environment. "Barbara" is in green, Hulot in brown.

I thought of Joyce (and Mann) last night. If you focus on one part of the screen in Playtime you miss 5 other things. Watching it multiple times from different perspectives misses the point, because it forces a sequentiality or separation on the actions that really isn't there. The totality is the point.

Those who know my argument with SEK will recognize this. I don't think you should do any "foregrounding" or "figure-grounding" when reading or analyzing later Joyce. (absurd and impossible, but it works for me)

So, in a sense, the simplicity of Empire is comparable to the same mental exercise that gets you thru intricacy of Joyce or Tati. Like staring at the surface of a lake for 8 hours, it's about overcoming desire. Da Buddha say:"Stop Grasping."


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 6:27 AM
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314: Maybe not all of them, but look at the woman on the lower left.

321: My high school didn't have a wrestling team.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 6:30 AM
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Oh, hell, that isn't quite right either. The gags are there, and you shouldn't miss them. But I have been thinking about context, and the figure-ground dynamics in Joyce for forty years.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 6:41 AM
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Just to push the limits of aggressive pedantry and bore-ishness(sic sic) here's Richard Seymour

Rational choice marxism's attempt to reinscribe the marxist theory of history and class struggle in the terms of methodological individualism has to be judged a failure.

"Methodological individualism"

The idea that social action ultimately takes place at the level of the individual, that people are utility maximisers, and that such maximisation optimally takes place in the process of exchange is obviously derived from liberal, contractarian political economy.

See, I connect this to narrative & closeups in film, and what Joyce was trying to say about perception and consciousness. Tati in 1968 as Playtime came out said he was on the barricades with the students, but he had too much history for them to listen.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 7:04 AM
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sifu is the real actual sifu tweety, so, you know, respekt. donaquixote you should totally go somewhere fun with AWB (in a week or whatever). she is just as awesome and hilarious in real life.
bob: can anyone actually watch warhol's empire? I mean, would it be physically possible to stare at the unchanging screen that long? you'd be looking away, thinking of something else, fidgeting, daydreaming. longing to press the ff button. does that count as "watching" a movie? I somehow feel not, so I suppose I'm committed to the idea that, being an unwatchable movie, it's not actually a movie.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 7:23 AM
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I feel like donaquixote has given Unfogged a purpose again!

We had the Tia fight, teo getting laid, alameida's dark, yet entertaining stories, Di's divorce, and ogged's dating.

(Thorn had promise, but was entirely too sensible. Sorry, Thorn. Love ya! But, you seem too level-headed. We demand rage.)


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 7:32 AM
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Now, I feel like I missed someone else's raging struggles.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 7:34 AM
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Oh how could you forget my \unbearable\ pain, will!?

I did have a good whine a few days ago and people said nice things to me (which I never replied to -- I'm such a cad!), so JennyRobot, if you're still reading: sorry to hear it. The plus side is, if you're on the verge of leaving this year you can really knock next year's job applications out of the park with the extra publications/whatever you'll be able to do.

Bisexuality -- more acceptable for women than men? Pornography says yes! What about the Unfoggetariat?


Posted by: W. Breeze | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 7:39 AM
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I always forget that you are wanton breeze. I love it.

Some cheesy movie needs to have the line, "I'm waiting for a wanton breeze to blow all over me."


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 7:47 AM
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would it be physically possible to stare at the unchanging screen that long?

Well, it isn't completely unchanging, but of course it's possible

you'd be looking away, thinking of something else, fidgeting, daydreaming. longing to press the ff button.

I am not understanding how Warhol would be making you do these things.

I could see myself watching Empire over and over until I got it right. Nobody is asking you to lift a car with one hand or win 20 simultaneous blindfold chess games. It's just meditation without concentration, zazen.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 8:39 AM
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Shikantaza


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 8:46 AM
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Have I had almost-raging struggles here? I do agree that's probably the best I can manage. Sorry!

I don't really have unique advice for donaquixote and can just agree that there are plenty of lesbians with similar stories who will be sympathetic, which could easily lead to some of them buying you drinks, cooking you food, sleeping with you, inviting you to join their lesbionic activities. You've got a perfect story (if you choose to share it) about why you haven't been out and about much, and it could well make people inclined to make room for you.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 8:57 AM
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Where are mcmc and rage bunny when you need them!?!!?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 9:18 AM
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Were you at an Isotopes game?

No, Somerset Patriots.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 9:39 AM
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This is so Unfogged:

I'm thinking of selling my used panties. Thoughts?

It's a Metafilter thread, so no dirty tricks (haha) if you click the link.


Posted by: W. Breeze | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 10:15 AM
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343: lesbionic... Mineshaft, we can rebuild her. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first lesbionic woman. Donaquixote will be that woman. Better than she was before. Better. Stronger. Faster.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:16 PM
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Lesbonics should be taught in public schools. Discuss.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:19 PM
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Let's all applaud Stormcrow's restraint in not going for the "cunning linguist" joke.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:24 PM
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My shame that I obsessively hit refresh on this thread in the hope of hearing a donaquixote update is only soothed by the knowledge that Stanley and LB probably are keeping track of who hits the refresh button the most.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:34 PM
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Lesbonics should be taught in public schools. Discuss.

Where's Shearer?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:39 PM
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I will say that I purposefully don't keep track of anything like that, because I know that my constant refresh-hitting habits at a whole bunch of blogs are borderline-insane looking. Stanley, on the other hand, is in the bushes outside your windows with binoculars.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:40 PM
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[waves enthusiastically from the bushes]


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:42 PM
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Stanley really is everywhere.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:44 PM
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349: Let's all applaud Stormcrow's restraint in not going for the "cunning linguist" joke.

In that vein, I really quite like these guys, but I'm not sure whether they really thought through all the ramifications of their name choice.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 2:52 PM
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347: Interesting! I had no idea that the $6M Man (the opening credit sequence, at any rate) is based on a real test pilot's crash.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 3:03 PM
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Lesbonics should be taught in public schools. Discuss.

It's already in the curriculum!


Posted by: oklahoma senator | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:17 PM
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||

For neb.

|>


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:22 PM
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I think one should definitely be able to evaluate the Laplace transform of ♥(t) for the conventional love stories.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:31 PM
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I wonder what xkcd sucks will have to say about that cake.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:43 PM
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I think the indexed designs are more suitable for cakes.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 5:57 PM
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Bisexuality -- more acceptable for women than men? Pornography says yes! What about the Unfoggetariat?

My set of real-life examples overlaps entirely with my set of public-health examples, so my knowledge is inherently biased. That said: Yes, less acceptable for men, due to subset of "bi" men who are really "men married to women and having sex with other men on the side without using condoms."

Note: Statement not defensible as accurate or representative. Prices and participation may vary. See store for details.

I know that my constant refresh-hitting habits at a whole bunch of blogs are borderline-insane looking.

My problem is variable reinforcement. About once every two weeks, I have call to draw on some knowledge that I gleaned from reading blogs, and I always take this as confirmation that it was time well spent. Today I got to tell a nice young intern all about Charli Carpenter and her work on human security.

The best was when I left a library patron absolutely slack-jawed with my roster of torture/detention/extraordinary rendition links, encompassing everyone from hilzoy and katherine to Alex at Yorkshire Ranter and quite a number in between. I've never seen anyone quite so gobsmacked, unless it was the colleague sitting next to me that day.

It was beyond gratifying, and I've always been sort of curious as to how her professor (she was a middle-aged lady going back to school) reacted.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 09- 7-10 6:51 PM
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awesome! fight the power, witt!!


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09- 8-10 3:26 AM
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Witt, if you get ballpoint pen ink on your clothes, you can remove it easily with nail polish remover.

There, now you can read blogs for another week and feel OK about it.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09- 8-10 4:06 AM
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The best was when I left a library patron absolutely slack-jawed with my roster of torture/detention/extraordinary rendition links, encompassing everyone from hilzoy and katherine to Alex at Yorkshire Ranter and quite a number in between

...laydeez.


Posted by: Alex | Link to this comment | 09- 8-10 4:15 AM
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Oh my, I had no idea this thread was still going. Hi!

Of course I'm gonna share my post-break up adventures, if only to validate them. Also, fun!


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09- 8-10 12:04 PM
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