I understand Chinese has one word that means both "crisis" and "fuck! crisis!"
Interesting. Usually mistranslated Chinese signs with "fuck" are based on a completely different word.
Manipulate me, two years of chinese and I can recognize just over half of these characters, and even those make no sense together.
an unintentionally cacophemistic rendering of "gentle reminder"
The "gentle reminder" part is the first line, literally translated as "kick-show". My mnemonic is now the kicking the shit out of the first guy to interrupt the fuck-class, as a gentle reminder to the rest.
Manipulate me
Okay! That'll be $99.95.
The "gentle reminder" part is the first line
I know, but I don't care.
There is a gesture which could theoretically (based on morphology) mean "two people meet two other people" in ASL, but which in fact means "fuck" (with pretty much the same set of related meanings as the English) and which also looks very similar (to the untrained eye) to the actual ASL sign for "meet" (as in nice to meet you). This is an unending source of humor for people who are requested, usually at bars or parties, to teach other people "how to sign".
I was taught an ASL sign for "fuck" that I would transliterate as "two bunnies bumping uglies"; was I sold a bill of goods?
that's probably right. What you are thinking of as "bunnies", I am thinking of as "pairs of people" (or, alternatively, upside-down-people-from-the-waist-down).
The point is that if you have two lone index fingers, that means "one person meeting another person" and if you have one bunny and one index finger, that means "two people meeting one person", but if you try to talk about two people meeting two other people, you are in trouble.
Also the other point is that hearing people seem frequently unable to tell the difference between "index finger" and "bunny". Be careful out there.
So how do you talk about two people meeting two other people?
Also the other point is that hearing people seem frequently unable to tell the difference between "index finger" and "bunny".
I blame Little Bunny Foo Foo.
8: So what you're saying is, while I may think it's friendly on the first of a new month to say, "Rabbit, rabbit," signing as much might be perceived as too friendly?
9: carefully, and using other words.
11: to be clear, none of these signs actually have anything to do with rabbits. That was all Sifu.
11: Hey, someone else who does that! Though my family says "rabbits, rabbits, rabbits" on the first day of the month and "hares, hares, hares" on the last day.
completely unrelated to anything: if you have an ask the mineshaft sort of question, do you just...i dunno. are those generally questions posed by people that regular posters already know? in comments?
really -- and this sounds desperate bc it kind of is, bc i'm in that desperate immediately-after-state -- i'm looking for various techniques the mineshaft may have used to get through bad break ups. possibly boring, i know, and perhaps even a little pathetic, but a) f*ck pathetic, this hurts, and b) somehow it seems utterly profound to me in this particular instant. also would be interested in hearing other people's awful break up stories, bc for some reason that helps, and i'm not above admitting it. (i've already watched that werner herzog documentary about the filming of fitzcarraldo, bc i wanted to watch someone have a worse week than me. perhaps not a long term strategy, but i can always take up running or something.)
brief context: first real love / (tumultuous) relationship (hence the inexperience and looking for other people's suggestions) finally dumped me bc she can't give up the idea of the straight future she'd always envisioned for herself (i'm gay, she acknowledged she was bi about 1.5-2 yrs ago, but she'd been weirdly after me for about 8 years).
ugh. reading over this it's...awful? i do have friends to ask for comfort and support (i promise), but i figure...wisdom in numbers? maybe? and in distracting myself and i stumbled back here again, and....i dunno. i've always liked this blog (altho i still don't know what happened to either ogged or unf; i'd be away for a few months, and poof! gone). figured i'd ask.
I'm sorry, lurker! I know how very, very much it sucks. I have no real advice -- I've always been a wallower myself -- except that cheezy platitudes about time are true.
thanks oudemia. somehow there is comfort in recognition w others...
A dear friend of mine was dumped by her first real girlfriend/love because she wanted the storybook straight future. She was (apparently, this was before I knew her) devastated and inconsolable, but eventually they became friends. When the ex-gf got married, my friend (now very happily partnered) was not only invited, but a part of the ceremony. One of the special bride dances was with her.
LTL, ask the mineshaft questions—i.e. questions posted as such on the main page—are just emailed in to a poster the emailer thinks likely to post it. I suppose that they are usually posted by people who comment, but I think lurkers have turned the trick as well.
lurker, my sympathies.
My 'techniques' for getting through the intermediate aftermath usually involve explaining carefully to myself that wallowing is the worst thing I can do, I must stay busy, start that new exercise routine or visit those friends I've been not visiting, etc. etc. How well that lecture works varies, of course.
"When the ex-gf got married, my friend (now very happily partnered) was not only invited, but a part of the ceremony. One of the special bride dances was with her."
wow. that seems...impossibly functional.
the curious part of my brain wonders if i could handle that if i was partnered, if i wasn't partnered, etc. but there's another part (probably lizard-like) that simply recoils in horror from the idea of her with a dude, which is also what i know is likely to happen incredibly soon.
i am very impressed with your friend.
parsimon: productivity, silver lining!
i like this.
A new exercise routine has the potential added benefit of that old mind-body synergy: the stronger you feel physically, the stronger psychologically.
LTL: I'd say to wallow. You get up to a month to be real blatant about it in a self-pitying way, constantly talking about it, drinking too much and eating coffee ice cream. Oh, and having poorly-advised sex with people you won't want to see again later.
After that, you'll have to wallow in a more self-caring kinda way, focused on exercising and massages and cutting your hair and going to your friends' houses for dinner and getting a puppy.
Heh, I hadn't read 20 when I typed up 25.
There you have it, LTL. You can pick and choose the advice you want to follow.
Sorry, ltl. There are breakup-related threads, but someone more adept at archive searches than I am will have to find them for you. IME, realizing that your ex was genuinely crazy helps, but perhaps that's not the case with you. Good luck.
OH HELLO FELLOW LURKER
This year I thought of asking the mineshaft the same sort of thing, but could never put it into words. I thought of other things, like trying to commission a Dinosaur Comics about my unfair misery -- that would work, right?! -- or, I dunno. I'm more or less over it by now; dating again, anyway, but not totally sure I buy into the cost/benefit of it all. I've had a lot of relationships, and when you're falling in love it's fantastic, but is it worth the 95% chance of great pain? As the pain fades you start to do the math differently and that's when you might get back in the saddle. But is that the rational thing to do? Maybe I'm not actually ready yet.
Anyway, yes, in 6 months I expect you will have a new you, one who's not in agony. In a year you'll probably be able to laugh about it, at least bitterly, and you'll probably think by then "I know I was hurt a lot, but I know I'm better off without her, someone who didn't truly want to be with me, so I'm glad it's over." That's not so long, really. Do some yoga, start a new hobby; time will pass. But don't stay friends. That's my advice. Once I stopped doing that, I got much happier.
Read rabbitblog.com. All her advice is really good. Oh and you could write her too and she might well write back.
Oh, and having poorly-advised sex with people you won't want to see again later.
I was going to suggest a wildly inadvisable rebound fling but thought the better of it. You go, Megan.
I would add, however, that getting a puppy is a way worse idea than having a rebound fling.
The flings work best if you post the details here.
And send the front-pagers pictures of the puppy to post.
unfogged absolutely needs more hypomanic sex flingage. Get on it (them), people!
On second thought, you could get a puppy and have an insane fling with an animal-rescue type! Exercise me, I'm a goddamn genius sometimes.
34 pwned by 32.
It's funny, I can't figure out if it would hurt more or less to be broken up with for a change in orientation. Two of the first three guys I ever made out with ended up gay (well, one of them permanently, one in a partial way for a decade or so), but not while we were involved, so no stress for me.
On one level, it seems like it should hurt less -- it's not about you, and nothing you could possibly do about it. But from similar situations I've heard about, it really doesn't seem to.
The puppy I got as a result of a bad breakup turned out to be the (widely acknowledged) best dog in the history of the world. It may be that it doesn't always work out that way, though.
38: Did you have my dog, ari? No. You did not. So stop lying to everyone!
ah, the flings. i will probably end up sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women, tho i am concerned: one of the great dangers of this relationship was that the sex was incredible. far better than anything previous. altho...perhaps the easiest way to forget is to have loooots of other things to remember.
she's still contacting me. i expect this to be horrible and drawn out.
i wonder if there's a way of to announce "looking to fuck the pain away" without also announcing "i am kind of a crazy person right now." my first guess would be: no. no, there is not.
thanks all :) this does help
The puppy-getting advice definitely has possibilities. I wound up having an affair a few months after a painful breakup with someone whose dog I was helping train. So yeah: animals good.
Jesus might have a kitten you could adopt.
when you're falling in love it's fantastic, but is it worth the 95% chance of great pain?
ell appears to be already on the Emersonian path.
You can announce "I am temporarily crazy due to a recent breakup -- don't depend on me to be (a) sane or (b) here in the morning" without shame. Probably only for six months or so, but take advantage. The drunk straight women of NY have to have their horizons broadened somehow.
i will probably end up sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women
Okay, I'm endorsing 31 and 33 enthusiastically.
Why is she still contacting you if she dumped you? "Hi, just wanted to confirm that we're not on for next week"?
Isn't it Unfogged lore that "crazy person" enhances "fuck the pain away"? So far you seem to be on the right track.
Have you stocked up on whatever food you binge on? You only have a few weeks to call that solace. You should make the most of the opportunity.
Oh [she says airily], people do that all the time: "Hi, I know I dumped you, but feel like talking? Have you gotten that funny noise in your car looked at yet? How's your mom?"
45: Isn't that standard horrible breakup behavior? "I'm dumping you, but I'm going to continue all sorts of heavy emotional conversations about how much you mean to me just to keep you on the string and make sure you don't get over it too fast?" I mean, the sort of horrible breakup behavior that otherwise perfectly decent people end up doing sometimes, but still very unpleasant.
she's still contacting me. i expect this to be horrible and drawn out.
Do not allow this. Seriously.
Plus if you allow continued contact, she'll totally interrupt the upcoming flings.
LizardBreath:
this isn't the first time she's freaked out about this, but it is the worst / last time. (you can only get burned so many times.) the pattern is pretty much this: things are great. they get noticeably better - a really great weekend, some new milestone is reached, whatever. things are then wonderful. then she freaks out.
it's a little like charlie brown and the football. (which, btw: I JUST GOT.)
so, really, what i'm saying is: i'm not sure it's a change in orientation, so much as it is that the closet has won.
although, not having been through this before, i can't really say if it's worse. i can say that this being the first time, and me being fairly old for this first time experience (28), seems like it probably doesn't help.
Only allow contact during the flings, perhaps when you take a quick break to fill us in.
You might be able to train your puppy to bite her if she comes by in person.
Allow time to wallow in pain and self-pity, but if after a couple months you're showing clear symptoms of depression, get help. Flings are good if they make you feel good, ditto for exercise, ice cream, bacon, washing your bathroom or just about anything else. Do things if they take pain away, even temporarily even if you think they're not stuff you'd want to do on a regular basis in normal times. Don't do stuff if you think it won't, even if it works for others.
Do not allow this. Seriously. Agreed on the drawn out part, but contact is a subjective thing, dependent on lurker personality and the ex. It can be good, it can suck.
Be not solitary, be not idle. ([c] Robert Burton, 1621)
I'm sure there must be something in there as well though about sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women.
I think not-solitary-not-idle has that covered.
I wonder how many MIT students you'd have to mug before one of them had a Fibonacci PIN.
Don't do stuff if you think it won't [ease pain], even if it works for others.
I disagree with this. When you're fucked up, nothing seems like it will help, but usually something will. Rather, do something that one would have a reasonable expectation of helping someone else in a similar situation.
When you're fucked up, nothing seems like it will help, but usually something will
Throwing up, drinking lots of water, and sleeping it off generally does the trick.
More seriously, I've seen the 'have tons of random sex' thing be both very effective and the reverse. Same goes for the 'be productive, throw yourself into work and activities'. For me, making sure I get some socializing (but not too much), reading piles of trash SFF and good poetry, and good food seem to work. Exercise helps if its of a kind I enjoy, e.g. hiking in a beautiful area, but not for its own sake, e.g. working out indoors. Sex... a nice short fling with someone I like but with no risk of emotions is good, random one night stand with a stranger not so much. But all that's me, not Ms. Lurker.
64.last is true enough for me as well. Certainly, if you're not a running around and socializing heavily type of person in the first place, it won't be helpful when you're in dire straits. Random hooking up lost any appeal a while ago.
Different strokes, no doubt.
Hi Longtimelurker!
Sorry you are going through a tough time.
I like:
Wallowing.
Random hookups where you arent invested
try new things: sports (running, swimming, etc) - doesnt really matter whether you are good or not, dancing (same applies - effort only thing that matters), volunteering at farmer's markets, etc, hiking groups.
Get out of your normal circles. Get into new ones.
62a: The key to my iPhone is Fibonacci. I wouldn't trust a bank account to the sequence, though; you could end up getting ripped off by a pine cone.
@foolishmortal:
um. this is perhaps more info than i should give out about myself over the internet, but holy fucking crap: i went to mit, and can you see my email address and its FIBONACCI SEQUENCE?
i just told her i'm not her friend, and if i'm not her girlfriend then there's really not much to say that isn't extremely hurtful, SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY. so, that. i might not be proud of it later, but god i just wanted her to leave me alone.
"be not idle and be not alone" sounds like really excellent advice. i may have screwed it up for tonight, so drinking is also looking pretty good, but, you know...future reference.
ps again...thanks to all.
@will:
yeah, probs i should finally find a lesbian pod of my own. (they travel in pods, you know.) my gay friends are mostly out of town.
right now i'm trying to think of the gayest hobby i can.
Oh, yes, a little wine helps too!!
When I first separated, the silence of being home alone was hard so I often went anywhere people might be gathered: coffee shops, target, etc.
an you see my email address and its FIBONACCI SEQUENCE?
Yes, at unfogged, though not at many blogs running more modern software, if you have an email address but no URL among your commenter info, the name under which you comment is linked to your addy. Thus I believe we can see not only the first seven numbers in the fib. sequence, but two letters that may very well be your initials.
Come to Richmond! I live in gaytown!
Volunteer for gayrights groups! In Richmond, it is Equality Va.
I don't know how you manage such constant ebullience, will.
I guess this has more or less been covered but my piece of advice was: accept that you are going to be a lunatic. It's like one time when I had to dump someone really nice because (among other things) he did sort of cutesy baby voice in bed, I got some good advice which was "accept that you are going to be the bad guy."
Your friends will get it that you're just going through something and will stick around and maybe express vague concern to one another, and the people you hook up with will just tell the story of "that one really insane one I hooked up with that one time" and it will enliven their dinner parties/bar conversations.
Also I hooted loudly with laughter at the sentence about Herzog. If this is your version of being a wreck, it is way more together than mine when I got painfully dumped. IANAD but I think you're gonna live.
Lean on your friends, talk trash about her closeted ass unless that starts feeling mean and bad, and eat lots of whatever. You'll know if any of these things is becoming problematic. You sound like a grownup.
72: I don't want to rain on your gay parade, will, but I suspect that Richmond—Babe's of Carytown notwithstanding—has a gay community somewhat less thriving and diverse than that of New York City.
69 Gayest hobby: opera. Most lesbianic hobby...restoring houses? It's one of those things where I can generalize about my own but maybe shouldn't about anyone else. 2nd gayest hobby: having lots of ill-advised flings so, y'know...two birds, one stone?
Further to 75: On the other hand, I can advise that taking a random, impulsive road trip can be a helpful break-up salve. Among the other pieces of good advice in this thread.
Stanley was a suburbanite. Don't listen to him. Museum District is teeming with the gays. A pod of them just walked by our house.
@71
sad. part of the magic is gone.
not to worry, they're the initials of a pseudonym.
75: Richmond does have a building shaped like a giant pack of smokes, which isn't the same thing but isn't something I've seen anywhere else.
ok, secretly it stresses me out that i haven't found a lesbian pod. i've been back in a nyc a good two years, tho they've been variously tumultuous years, and at first i went through a phase of actively hunting out prospective pods, but all the ones i found kind of...sucked. i know, i know: all of new york city. but the scene here is pretty insular, and i got very busy with other parts of my life, and shit happened, and then somehow i ended up here. so.
BUT. perhaps this is excellent motivation. or something.
re: being a grown up: i am EXCEEDINGLY grateful that this did not happen during my blackout years. i have little impulse control and an unrealistic perception of risk, and somehow i feel that these things would not mix well with both a feeling of "fuck everything" *and* illicit substances.
My break-up strategy is to indulge myself. It's kind of cheesy. But it works. For me it was to spend money on myself on things like flowers and ice cream and books. I used to design these evening-ins that I totally fucking loved. Sort of like, "I'm going to create something so decadent that I'll miss it when I have to give it up because I'm happy again, because that's the deal: it's a crutch for when I'm sad."
@ 82:
i really like the idea of this, but as i think about it, i'm afraid i'm more motivated by spite. i don't feel particularly bad about this or anything, it just is what it is. so i think i'm gonna work out a lot and get really hot again. and possibly do other things.
you seem like a really nice person, though.
I like to think I'm a nice person!
sleeping with half the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women
Wow, are you dedicated. I want a job with enough vacation time to set goals like that.
Actually, my break-ups were kind of opposite: I didn't really have strong feelings about the specific person, I was just super scared to be alone. Eventually I went to therapy.
oh, wait, not, like, *crazy* things. more fucking the pain away.
it's sad, but i really don't think i'm going to be able to have her in my life at all, at least not anytime even remotely soon. we've known each other for 8 years, and i really love her. i really resent how much i love her, actually, as she's been kind of crappy. but...it is what it is.
thank you, mineshaft.
Oh oh oh wait. I am over-posting here but you mentioned spite and I immediately thought of something I did once at (what appeared to be) the end of a friendship that was extraordinarily satisfying. I visited a mutual friend in Bloomington, Indiana and we got high and wrote a mean song about the person in question. Halfway through we realized the tune she had picked out on the guitar was "who's that kid with the Oreo cookie" but this was hilarious because, yeah, we were high. So yeah, work out and get hot, living well/best revenge/blah but meanwhile write a mean song about her. This doesn't have to take place in Bloomington.
Once a guy broke up with me, and then passed out in my bed. I went and got a cup of water and poured it in his ear. He was really pissed, but I felt much better.
89: I could never date anybody with an ear big enough to hold a cup of water.
89: An act morally superior to that of someone gluing a caterpillar.
As for advice that hasn't been given yet, eventually you should pick a pseud and comment regularly. It's a fantastic distraction.
Had you glued a caterpillar in his ear, however, we would be morally obligated to shun you.
At least until it became a glue butterfly. At least.
@88: i actually think it could help to mentally rehearse every single one of her flaws, over and over again. perhaps "we didn't start the fire" would provide enough room? spite!
@89: that is thoroughly, impressively, shakespearean. i think if someone did that to me i would be too impressed to be properly angry. like, yeah, you dick, now i have to clean it out with vinegar and alcohol so i don't get swimmers ear, but WELL DONE.
@94: i expect to spend way too much time thinking of an appropriate pseud, and then, dissatisfied, going with something randomly taken off the spine of a visible book. (altho i know this is stolen from somewhere, "donkey hodey" feels somehow really, really appropriate right now.)
also, glued a...catepillar.
yes.
perfectly reasonable. glue away.
"Wry Cooter" is still available.
Also "Buck Bales", but you might want to save that for a farmer-type person.
I ended up in a discussion last night about vegan beekeepers. A very earnest young woman told me that it's wrong to take the bees' honey because it's their "food and medicine," but keeping a hive of bees is fine as long as you don't take the honey. She then went on to tell me about the many wonderful medicinal properties of honey, and there was definitely honey in the dessert we were served, so I guess she wasn't vegan.
@ 102: not a vegan, but still possibly crazy. or not entirely clear on the meaning of "vegan." or "medicinal."
@ 103: i actually know someone named matt weiner.
somehow i feel there are many puns i'm not getting. i am, in a few ways, a guileless geek.
oh fuck it, i'm just gonna be dona quixote.
hi.
now more drinking.
...it's wrong to take the bees' honey because it's their "food and medicine,"
What if you killed the bees first?
When killing bees, I've always gone for the patella; I've heard it's the bee's knees.
106: only if you use the meat. Tiny bee steaks.
The comments to this thread are directly relevant.
Starting about half a dozen comments in, that is.
Moby is there any animal you wouldn't kill?
Puppies, horses, kittens, and elephants.
But, say you had to kill the bees. Say they lived right next to some guy who couldn't be moved or enclosed in anyway and who was fatally allergic to bee stings and who would develop a cure for being an asshole if he lived for five more years. So, since they have to kill the bees, the vegans should be O.K. with consuming the honey.
Tiny bee steaks
Think bigger, Smearcase.
113; But you don't have to kill them, Moby. You could get a beekeeper to come and take them away. They can live on a nice farm, with the snakes.
That's right. I'd forgotten that you can ship bees because they come in boxes.
Anyway, I'm currently very happy with in my current relationship with bees. They don't sting me and I buy the good honey that means the bees get to eat the nice nectar.
I was only trying to think of a way to keep the vegans from missing out.
that is thoroughly, impressively, shakespearean
Only thoroughly if the water was poisonous.
||
I am shocked to learn that my mother likes Last Year at Marienbad.
|>
Also she just called me a "fucking idiot".
Also she just called me a "fucking idiot".
Feisty.
It was because I let my passport expire! The passport I haven't used in like four years!
i'm afraid i'm more motivated by spite
We should talk! I love spite!
122, 124: Why didn't she just give you a gentle reminder?
Hey, if you would be in a 'fuck class' would you like to be disturbed?
now i have to clean it out with vinegar and alcohol so i don't get swimmers ear
Wait, what? You have to do this every time you get water in your ear?
Hey, if you would be in a 'fuck class' would you like to be disturbed?I'd like to be flat out crazy - they say it helps.
re: 128
You don't carry a little pre-mixed pot around? For when it rains?
129: They say that in fuck class? No wonder then that they don't want to be disturbed.
My relationship with bees deteriorated significantly after one stung Rory yesterday.
Is Rory allergic? If not, it will build character.
102: She probably meant "take *all* their honey." Apparently cheap honey making practice is to replace all the honey in the hive with sugar water, leaving the bees to eat shittier food and consequently make shittier honey (and, you know, robbing them of the crazy complicated food they make for themselves). So, not all vegans avoid honey, but the ones who eat it spend the extra $$ to buy the stuff from the hippies who let the bees keep eating their food.
sorry for your bummer situation, donaquixote. I sort of don't have anything useful to offer since I always had someone else lined up, whom I was already screwing, when I dumped the first person, so, yeah. that makes me kind of an asshole. on the general topic of being miserable I am well-informed and I recommend going outside in the sunlight a lot, and reading crap SF and mystery novels. I endorse your having sex with half the lesbians and half the drunk straight girls in Manhattan as well. and this is kind of a stupid thing to say, but if I were looking for a new group of lesbian friends, I would go to some lesbian bar that I've never been to before and become a regular (assuming the people seemed worth getting to know). IME lesbian bars have a lot more friendliness/solidarity than other bars. and then, there's always refreshing unfogged threads like a crack-addled monkey pressing the bar in a skinner box. may I suggest you get into an argument with bob? no, too easy. I know, piss off sifu somehow! he really pulls his weight when it comes to bitter, thousand-comment disagreement threads. nothing springs to mind as guaranteed to get on his nerves, though, you'll just have to experiment. experiment with his mom.
nothing springs to mind as guaranteed to get on his nerves, though, you'll just have to experiment.
You might start with some weak-arsed half-remembered philosophical critique of neuroscience, though; maybe combined with a general scorn for electronic music, and some sort of disparagement of the Chinese martial arts?*
* I may be reaching a bit here ...
Yeah, I think ttaM has it. Some crap about Searle completely destroying the foundation for modern neuroscience (or AI? I'm not sure which Sifu actually works in) ought to do it. I'd join in myself, but I have to lavage my ears this evening.
132. Is Rory allergic? Allergy can build up, so it's worth keeping an eye on, even if she's OK this time. Anecdata: I've been stung three times, at roughly ten year intervals. First time I yelped a bit. Second time, it itched like a bitch for a while. Third time I had to take all my clothes off and stand with my arms extended for nearly three hours till the hives went down enough to touch. Now I have an epi-pen.
re: 138
Funnily enough, I had exactly the same conversation with my boss re: wasps. He has an allotment and over the past couple of years has been stung fairly often, with increasingly severe symptoms each time. Last time his throat constricted [although not enough to cut of his air supply completely] and he needed medical treatment. Now he carries an epi-pen, too.
Or maybe some starry-eyed Steven pinker worship combined with data from when they put those Tibetan monks in the MRI while they were meditating? And Aphex Twin has totally sold out, man.
I guess that makes me shallow.
No, but it makes your dates shallow, probably, if they can't carry that much water.
If Ciao means fuck, the Italians will live up to their image in China.
Aphex Twin sold out to Searle and replaced all the food in the monk's MRI with crappy Tae Kwon Do moves? Fuck you all!
There is only possible solution to donaquixote's woes: be the first to sleep with a man.
re: 143
Specifically, Tae Kwon Do's famous punching. Aphex Twin sold out when he released that acoustic album of Shania Twain duets.
There is only possible solution to donaquixote's woes: be the first to sleep with a man.
Have the operation, then knock at her door drunk and crying late at night and scream "look what I did! All for you! Now you have to take me back!"
...too soon?
darn it!
There is only possible solution to donaquixote's woes: be the first to sleep with a man.
147: But if she is a man, she'll be sleeping with a man -- her/himself -- every night. So your original post is a win anyway.
145: "26 Mixes for Cash" was a pretty clear statement of intent from the Aphex Twin
My last encounter with a bee remains traumatic.
Most lesbianic hobby...restoring houses?
What, not softball?
My inadequacies are many and vast, but they include a remarkable alacrity for the misconjugation of verbs.
To LTL's question about lesbian pods: Are there activities that you might find interesting where there are some lesbians, but they're not the dominant plurality of the scene? So, i.e. NOT a softball team or something, but like, I dunno, a fencing club or whatever. My sense is that pods in general tend to develop where there's some kind of actually need for a self-conscious sub-group identity. (Or a subaltern identity? Hmmm.) I just notice that there's a pretty good lesbian scene at my work, which includes a lot of bisexual radicals and stuff, but not a huge number of lesbians, but since there are some, then they tend to stick closer than they would otherwise.
I'm not much of a one for bad break-up stories. The one that hurt the most transformed into one of my most important friendships, but it sure doesn't sound like that's in the cards here. I'd stay out of movie theaters, even if you're going with friends. Somehow I always feel double-bereft after a movie lets out.
Also, if you would like to correspond with other lesbians who are very bitter about all the times they've been in exactly your situation, I could give you some email addresses.
It was her first bee sting. A lot of pain, and a good bit of swelling. No hives or itching or throat swelling shut. Enough swelling, though, that I'll be watching closely.
@153: yeah, this seems like some sort of horrible lesbian rite of passage. i think it's also where bi women get their reputation for crazy (amongst the lezzies, anyway). if you know any fellow travelers, i'd definitely be interested.
@135: i think i have a mild crush on sifu tweety from years of reading the poor man. same dude, right? there aren't rival sifu tweetys running around the internet?
@146: is *fantastic*. i once tried to pull some less-surgically-oriented psychological aikido on a different crazy closeted lesbian, and failed *miserably*. wait. i feel the lesson might be: no more fucking closets.
i am pretty sure sport fucking is the answer i like best. i guess i could join some sort of organization and fight for my rights, or whatever, tho i tend to question the wisdom of any organization that hires attractive teenagers to accost strangers in union square. i have a moment for gay rights if YOU do, baby.
(also, turns out sleeping and eating are kind of difficult. what a stupid physiological response.)
bee stings terrify me for potential anaphylaxis; i've never been stung. (i hope rory's ok. sounds like a kid. hopefully resilient?) i had an allergic experience while traveling by myself in a foreign country where i didn't speak the language, and when they shot me full of corticosteroids i had the fun hypomanic reaction. so that turned into an interesting vaca. i also now have an epi-pen.
my very relevant, very useful advice wrt epi-pens: the big, thick, incredibly sharp needle meant to punch through all layers of clothing and deliver a life-saving dose of epinephrine as quickly as possible in fact emerges (at an astonishing speed) from the black rubber end that looks like a freaking button. also, thumbs are not the most efficient place to stab yourself with an epi-pen, but they will do in a pinch.
Regarding epi-pens (and I'm pretty sure this is a repeat comment), I travel often with a bandmate who's terribly allergic to nuts. He always reminds me where the epi-pen is and assures me that, in the moment, I'll know what to do. I tend to imagine some horrific combination of reverse-Sword in the Stone (with Andre 3000 singing "You know what to do!" in the background) and that heroin-overdose, heart-stabby scene from Pulp Fiction. *Shudder*
that is an uncomfortable amount of responsibility, perhaps because of the vague, force-like, "you'll know what to do." upon quick historical review, in the instances when someone has assured me of that i've actually known what to do...never. not once. always just made it up.
um. sorry? there's a practice epi-pen that smart people practice with when they get their epi packs...
Dona, Rory is my daughter, 11. Quite resilient, thankfully.
As for breakups, if you search the archives for "UNG," you can get the play-by-play of history's most bitter break up. But this sounds a lot like a different bad break up I went through. Someone who loved you, but is unable to let go of a certain image she wants to project for her life. IME, you may hate her for awhile, but you'll feel much better when that gives way to pity. It is sad, after all, that the need for a "straight" life keeps her from being able to follow her heart.
my very relevant, very useful advice wrt epi-pens: the big, thick, incredibly sharp needle meant to punch through all layers of clothing and deliver a life-saving dose of epinephrine as quickly as possible in fact emerges (at an astonishing speed) from the black rubber end that looks like a freaking button. also, thumbs are not the most efficient place to stab yourself with an epi-pen, but they will do in a pinch.
This is a design flaw with NAPS combi pens and morphine autojectors as well, and that's even more serious because not only are they generally used in situations of extreme emotion, they're normally not used to self inject. So you can go from "Shit! We have one person flopping around on the ground bleeding/ convulsing!" to "Double shit! Now we've got one person flopping around bleeding/convulsing and another previously perfectly healthy person with a big hole in his thumb and semiconscious from morphine/ starting to shut down from atropine poisoning!"
Shades of "The Producers."
"I'm hysterical! I'm hysterical!"
(splash)
"Now I'm wet! I'm wet! And I'm still hysterical!"
(smack)
"I'm in pain! And I'm wet! I'm in pain, and wet! And I'm hysterical!"
My reactions to stings are getting worse. Time for me to get an epi-pen. (I already got a bee suit.)
157: Eh, the load is lifted because he's super careful about it to an almost-OCD extent. Like, he won't drink out of a bottle of water if he's not 100% sure it's his; won't eat out at all (peanut oil abounds, apparently, not to mention those Texas-style(?) steakhouses with the peanuts-on-the-floor thing); that sort of thing. He's never had to use the epi-pen but likes to know that those around him know about it.
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On the vague link to medications, does anybody have any experience with nefopam hydrochloride?
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I am still really curious about what happened to all these peanut-allergic people fifty years ago, before it was really recognised, and am hoping the answer is not "they all died young".
re: 163
There's a fair bit of speculation in the literature, I think, because a lot of these allergies have (apparently) become much more common.
e.g.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allergy#Hygiene_hypothesis
163. On the basis of a sample of two older people with nut allergies I know, the routine was:
i. Be terrifyingly ill once.
ii. Be unbelievably careful forever.
It wasn't that it wasn't recognised (I believe it was less common), so much as they hadn't a clue what to do about it. And the idea of putting warnings on packaging and that was just not there.
My mom claims some sort of weird allergy to shellfish that's grown ever-more-complicated over the years, now including "allergic to shrimp that's been frozen in a particular manner". I half suspect she just had some bad shrimp, but who knows?
164: As Emerson says, eat dirt for good health.
160: Like the costume the little girl wears in the "No Rain" video?
In the future, there will be lots of different sorts of epi-pen. Caffe-Pens, to deliver a rapid intravenous jolt if you feel yourself falling asleep in a meeting. Alco-Pens, which will take over from jagerbombs for rapid drunkenness among the rugby/frat community. Ecsta-Pens, if you find yourself feeling bitter and hostile towards other people. Sero-Pens, which have a massive needle that punches straight through the bone of the skull to deliver serotonin and fight depression. And Aborto-Pens, for instant administration of Plan B.
I'm allergic to nearly everything, but just in an itching rash kind of way. I finally found and killed the poison oak bush near my house. It was hiding, mixed in with regular bushes. I'm waiting for all the sap to dry before I remove the thing. Two winters ago, I went through a ton of steroids to get rid of the worst weeping rash I've ever had.
167: Who wants to keep eating dirt? Infect yourself with hookworms once and be done with it.
My last encounter with a bee remains traumatic.
I regret not making an Apo-Pen reference but I honestly don't want to think about what it might do.
A good friend of mine's daughter has severe allergies to milk and nuts. Nuts isn't too bad, because everyone knows about it and they're *relatively* easy to avoid. Dairy is fucking awful. Apparently Disneyworld is a good place to go on holiday because you can prebook all your meals and they will cater for anything, and thus you can eat out safely.
"As for breakups, if you search the archives for "UNG," you can get the play-by-play of history's most bitter break up."
Holy crap, Di, I just did this. I read just enough to recoil and think "fucking DICK" several times, so don't have the narrative completely down, but....Jesus.
That worked better than the Herzog doc. I mean...not to be completely self-centered or anything. Shit. I'm sorry? No, really.
Somehow am reminded of the second half of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, when Annie Dillard is all, oh, you think I'm just ecstatic at the wondrous beauty of nature? NATURE IS FUCKING MEAN, BITCHES. Also: Herzog's hilarious speech in aforementioned doc, where he reveals that the symphony of the jungle is really just a symphony of "murder," but with that amazing German accent. And Hobbes, of Calvin, on the purpose/meaning of life: we are here to devour each other alive.
Well, maybe. But sometimes we can be nice.
I truly hope UNG is somehow less of a shit, now. That things are...easier.
Infect yourself with hookworms once and be done with it.
Obligatory link for the uninitiated.
I finally found and killed the poison oak bush
You really can't help yourself, can you?
174: You can go to kosher places that are dairy free.
To the extent he's still a shit, he's someone else's shit now, so not my problem. Being forced to support himself for the first time in his life *has* matured him. Some.
No need to be sorry, though. The process was quite effective for sorting the wheat from the chaff in terms of friends, I get to make all my own life choices now, and I get to hang one-on-one withe the best daughter I've ever had. Sometimes the best things come from the worst, honey from the bees as it were.
Goddamnit. We had Sally's getting-from-school-to-swim-practice all worked out neatly without Buck having to interrupt his workday for it, and now that's fallen through. We're either going to have to to cancel swimming for her (God knows if we can get our money back for the fall term), or Buck's workday is disrupted from three to about seven two days a week.
This was supposed to work out easily this year. Goddamnit.
178: That rash was just horrible and covered 20% of my lower arm. So much pus or something came out that it soaked through a bandage and a shirt in an hour or so. It took four doctor visits, three courses of oral steroids, and and a bunch of topical creams.
179: On the other hand, diners keeping kosher should avoid anything called a plato vegetariano in Spain, as I bet you five shiny pesetas it includes a big ol' slab of jamón serrano.
181: If a barely used bottle of Round-Up is of any use, just let me know.
183: I remember meals in Spain that were like six kinds of meat and a grilled tomato. It was good and I like meat, but I thought that was a bit much.
184: Jesus Christ, Moby, she just needs to get her daughter to swim practice, not mess up a bunch of people's chromosomes! Next time, try to think of a more proportionate response.
187: I thought maybe a poisonous plant was in the way.
also, turns out sleeping and eating are kind of difficult. what a stupid physiological response
Textbook depression, as you probably know. If it goes on for than a month or so (somewhat arbitrary timeframe), you may want to talk to a therapist, particularly one who deals with short-term crises unless you're interested in something ongoing. If your friends don't know a good one, you could probably get recs from the NYers here.
Surprisingly, no one has suggested copious amounts of bad TV for distraction and wallowing. I recommend it.
Surprisingly, no one has suggested copious amounts of bad TV
Wait for it …
How much longer do we have to wait, nosflow? Some of us are bored but stuck at work, craving entertainment.
Fine, fine.
I don't even have a TV.
Oh, I can use advice right now, too! Actually, I just need commiseration from strangers with whom I'm not too embarrassed to discuss this.
I've spent this summer doing two things: working on my dissertation, and preparing for the job market. It's not uncommon for ABDs to get hired in my field, and my department has a reputation for placing students well. My advisor has been completely supportive of this plan, and I'll actually be one of the last in my cohort (with a prayer of graduating) to get a job. Anyhow, advisor went out of town for the month, came back, looked at my job materials, and "suggested" that I wait another year before really going on the market. He has good judgment, tons of experience, and is firmly on my side, so I'm going to have to take his advice. I feel like a failure. A broke failure with no friends because they have all fucking left for elsewhere over the past two years.
I don't even have a bi ex-girlfriend. Oh wait, I do. That didn't end well.
As far as depression-based inability to eat, I found it helpful to keep my desk drawer stocked with protein bars and those shelf-stable tuna and cracker lunch packs. Small enough that I could make myself eat, enough calories/nutrition to stop the a-little-too-rapid weight loss.
Ugh, JennyRobot, that royally sucks. The last part of grad school is so long and painful anyway, and being mentally done and then having your sentence extended by a year really calls for some drinking.
Thanks, Heebie. There's one job out there that looks like a ridiculously good fit for me (I work in a bizarre, not-too-popular niche of my field), and I still plan to apply, but the odds for being hired aren't good in the best of times.
The worst part is explaining to non-academic friends and family why I'm still "in college."
Oh, Jenny. 192 is my story too, though the advisor hasn't given that advice. But he should work for you on this. If you want to go out this year, you need to go out, even if you say it's just a practice run so you know you tried.
When I get depressed about my lack of professional direction, I remind myself that, barring some unknown-to-me wealthy relative shuffling off and leaving me a shit ton of inheritance money, I'm likely to have to work until I'm seventy-five or so, so there's plenty of time yet.
I'm not sure why I find this thought comforting, because it's really actually depressing at the same time. But there it is.
So, a lot of people have endorsed Dona Q's plan of sleeping with half of the lesbians in new york, and a good number of drunk straight women, but none of our commenters who are lesbians in New York or drunk straight women have volunteered to help our new friend out. Will no one step up to the plate?
Thorn, you have now been reassigned to NY, so get packing, and somebody get LB a drink. (a la this)
199: I don't know, I thought LB's "The drunk straight women of NY have to have their horizons broadened somehow" sounded, um, inviting.
I missed that Doña Quixote was in NYC. Let's go to Ginger's and pick up chicks, DQ!
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What kind of weirdo Pandora algorithm just got me: M.I.A. "Paper Planes" (voted down) → Coldplay "Don't Panic" (voted down) → A-Ha "Take On Me (Extended version)" (currently being abided out of sheer astonishment)?
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Nah, as a representative of the dull matronly women of NY, you want someone younger and more adventurous for the horizon-broadening. Although I am being plied with gin and lemonade as we speak.
Although I am being plied with gin and lemonade as we speak.
Sounds unhygienic. Also, your first sentence contains a misplaced modifier.
neb sure knows how to sweet talk 'em.
See my second sentence for an excuse for any grammatical failings. And why unhygienic? You seem to think of plying as a more involved process than it is.
"To work away at; to attend to; to attack or assail vigorously or repeatedly"
sad, i just had a long comment eaten by...something.
the most important points:
rob helpy-chalk is a great, great man.
jenny: ack. limbo is awful. you have a lot of company.
a white bear: done and done. no, really. name a night that is...not tonight (am painting my mother's house to try to help her sell it; if you happen to be aware of any tricks to help along with that -- the selling -- totally open to those). i've actually never been to ginger's (weird, i know), but have had pretty good luck at cubbyhole and the met. my game might be comically bad, of course, which...funny!
di: *good*. in my own case, there is a part of me that feels sorry for whatever dude she inevitably and probably quickly ends up with, bc, you know, that sucks. tho most of me is still just nauseated. i expect the ratio of pity to nausea will change over time.
i can't have pandora stations anymore. the oppositional defiant side of my personality tends to kick in and i end up trying to fuck with the algorithm. "you think you know me? ha!"
...healthy. but it makes me giggle.
on a side note, when i took part in a study for adults w adhd while still in college and they sent me an ill-advised letter detailing the various diagnoses i might or might not have, my reaction as i read down the list was, "oppositional defiant disorder? fuck you!"
You know, I read the UNG posts (which are more pitiful and less bile-inducing than I remember) and cannot for the life of me figure out why he's naked and ugly. I suppose it's a standpipe sort of thing...
UNG is a mole rat? I'm sure Moby will be happy to kill him.
I couldn't actually kill a mammal without reason.
Tell your mom I said thanks, Moby.
I couldn't actually kill a mammal without reason.
You'd use an issue of the magazine? Libertarians really are history's greatest monsters.
Without Reason I think my guns would have been outlawed or something.
AWB I have this hazy memory of Ginger's inolving a French lesbian with a Hebrew name (or vice versa: French Jew with a lesbian name...no wait...) who came over and talked to us about I-don't-recall-what (perhaps how much she would like to meet a nice freshly dumped gal looking for a vengeful sportfuck?) and smoked like a chimney, that day we sloshed over there after the last game of the World Cup. I guess that's the only time I've been there, in fact.
Do sportfucks really work to achieve vengeance? I can see seeking out a fling in order to feel reassured about your own desirability, but unless you're going to crow about the assignation to the ex, the vengeance aspect seems minimal. (Indulging in the whole "You hurt me? Yeah, well, I'm going to hurt you back! Ha-ha!" can feel desperate at the very least, and difficult to execute if you really love(d) the ex.)
Just musing. I think my thinking about this has changed quite a bit over time.
yeah, i don't actually plan on being in contact with the now-ex, so awareness of each other's conquests will hopefully not enter into it. (thankfully she lives an hour and a half away. not so thankfully...she was in my life, on and off, for 8 years. ugh.)
the sportfucking is more for me. like a palate-cleanser. i know, classy. also probs not realistic, but, you know. distracting.
Be sure to bed a lawyer along the way: tortfucking!
218: Yes, we talked for a long time! I kind of thought she was into me, but she kept talking about how annoying her straight friends over there were to the point that I lost interest. (I think she wanted me to help her make them jealous? I couldn't figure it out.)
220: Yes, palate-cleansing is important. And if nothing else, the ladies at Ginger's are very very chatty and sometimes offer you baked goods.
219: We should consult Alanis Morissette lyrics for an answer.
220: Just to be clear, I wasn't scolding or suggesting you needed to apologize for anything. Just really musing about the extent to which my own thinking about that kind of thing in recent years has focused more on "Wow, hurt is bad, really bad, as I am now realizing again, and I should probably try not to hurt anybody in turn even if the possibility is closer at hand than usual, since I'm hurt and angry and not thinking clearly." It's the whole wounded animal thing.
223: There's nothing particularly ironic about vengeance fucks.
oh, no, agreed. i think full disclosure about sport fucking is important.
well, prob not phrased as "sport fucking", but being clear about the whole, "i got dumped a few days ago, i am currently a basket case, but you're really hot if that still works for you" thing.
dishonesty kind of exhausts me. i try to avoid it, mostly for that reason.
also, women sometimes like wounded animals.
just saying.
226: I have other songs you know.
Moby can help out with providing the wounded animals.
220: Yep, it's all about the distraction. An alternative (or supplement) to drowning your sorrow with booze.
221: Sporttortfucking is indeed reasonably prudent.
also, sporttortfucking: possibly lucrative? i haven't worked out the details yet.
step 1. find a lawyer. sporttortfuck.
step 2. ?
step 3. profit!
Opinionated Alanis Morissette
Just a reminder that "Opinionated" isn't necessary to tell us that it isn't really Alanis Morissette dropping by and saying something funny. Sophisticated blog users that we are, we can understand that a regular commenter has made a joke in the persona of a famous person without that signaling. In fact, the joke is damaged by the preface "Opinionated", which brings to mind a different over-used gag here.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
I'm pretty sure Step 2 involved filming and websites.
Maybe you should go by "Opinionated Megan?"
TELL THEM ABOUT THE ALL CAPS, MEGAN
236: oh my, there is so much i don't know.
also, hi megan! i didn't respond earlier, mostly bc i was unsuccessfully trying to sleep. but...hi. (you were the one to say hi, right?)
AWB and donaquixote will of course be obliged to liveblog their outing.
No no, we've made such good progress. Now I want to build on our gains.
Too late, Sifu. She already announced that she's a lesbian.
235: In memory of Jesurgilac, perhaps an acronym could be crafted that would summarize your thinking on the topic?
Could have been me. Hi! Glad you're in the conversation now.
SORRY 239 WAS ME, HONEY
244 - Well, I'm willing to provide artisanal, hand-crafted objections to OPINIONATED/Opinionated over-usage. I think a personalized response works better. If you think a rote, mass-produced objection would work (perhaps because it can be deployed quickly in emergencies), I bet the hive-mind could come up with one.
Oh, and Doña, it will be a bit; I'm going out of town for the rest of the week, so if you email me, I'm not ignoring you! I'm seeing parental people who don't have internet.
WASBU: We Are Sophisticated Blog Users.
Stop being so prescriptivist, Megan. Unfoggedese is a living language.
The dudes across the aisle on this train are making me feel so old with their talk of this new game Starcraft and how it's too much like Warcraft. (And I was never a gamer, but still. I remember the 90s!)
Long may Unfoggedese live, but if it takes away from the funny, it should be directed back towards righteousness.
You know what takes away from the funny? Lectures on the Rules of Funny.
It's axiomatic that the blog always already used to be funnier, so the OPINIONATED gag is necessarily the apex of any further humor. Sorry.
212 - I guess foolishmortal really doesn't even have a tv.
Moby - re kosher - hadn't thought of that, mainly because there aren't any round here. I expect there are plenty of kosher places in North London - wonder if they've ever considered that.
253 - Would that they weren't necessary.
The funniest jokes always need an explanation before you get them.
Meanwhile, I had a dream about a lost love last night and have been pining pathetically all day.
Ben was never yours to lose, Di.
I bet the hive-mind could come up with one.
WE'RE TOO BUSY KEEPING AN EYE ON MOBY.
Stop being so prescriptivist
Shit. This means I'm going have to wait freakin' forever before I can say anything to donaquixote about her capitalization. I knew it.
We just follow the Opinionated Bees. It's easier for everybody that way.
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Worst fucking hangover ever...but I finally found my cure. Doritos and Diet Coke. Apparently only something vile can take away the vileness. (Is this how homeopathy works?)
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re: 264
Irn Bru functions in exactly the same way.
White Bear, it's distressing that your parents don't have an Internet. Can we send one with you, in a little box with air holes?
264: Was it one of the zany new flavors that did the trick? I'm guessing Tacos at Midnight, though I suppose All Nighter Cheeseburger should be granted fair consideration.
parismon: you know, i -
wait
I noticed this bit of local etiquette. I did. I will spare you the effort and go about breaking the bad habit on my own.
probably.
(Oppositional defiant disorder? ...)
(Is this how homeopathy works?)
Basically. Take a handful of Doritos and some Diet Coke, dilute in alcohol, take a portion of the dilution and dilute in more alcohol, take a portion of the second dilution and dilute in more alcohol, then drink all the alcohol and Bob's your uncle.
Homie O'Pathy would be a funny name for an Irish rapper.
At least until Megan comes and gets you for making bad puns.
There are no bad puns, only bad people.
265 just gave me some horrible flashbacks to the nights I was actually drunk enough to drink Irn Bru. Those would have been worse hangovers, but I was younger then.
And Stanley, I'm sorry to report that it was just the Nacho cheese flavor. Next time (god I hope there is no next time) I'll go with something more exotic.
I only eat "Cool Ranch" Doritos, because it has more colors in the flavor dust on the chips.
I can say anything to donaquixote about her capitalization
Whereas it's the substitution of 'n' for 'ñ' that bothers me.
I'll go with something more exotic
All Nighter Cheeseburger sounds like a flavor to avoid, I must say. That's made up, isn't it?
You can get a McDouble and two baked apple pies for $2, which is way more calories per dollar than you'll ever get with Doritos.
Before the recession, you used to be able to get a double cheeseburger for $1. When the economy collapsed, they took away one slice of cheese and called it the McDouble.
I was kind of appalled by all the ham-flavored potato chips for sale in Spain, but I guess they're no worse than some of these Doritos options.
280: Alright, you "let me Google that for you" person.
People may or may not vaguely remember that a short while ago in a Glenn Beck-related thread, I fussed about Riehan Salam, saying that a recent column of his could be taken apart six ways from Sunday.
Our own Minivet has done some research on the origins and meaning of that phrase.
Wow. Good stuff.
Is it just me or did somebody try to stuff one fact too many into the same sentence?
The All Nighter Cheeseburger flavor is interesting at first. Its powder coating really does taste surprisingly like a cheeseburger, right down to the pickles. However, by the time I was at the end of a bag, it had turned vaguely gross and unappealing (and I have a high tolerance for disgusting industrial food).
The comprehensive list of marketed Doritos flavors is a weird read.
285: No, it just needs a comma after "publicly" and the deletion of "before his death".
The All-Dressed Ruffles potato chip is a thing of beauty. Apparently not available in the States (I've never seen them here), except perhaps through amazon.
I didn't want you to find out this way, Stanley. That's why I suggested deleting that last bit. Sorry.
I can't remember if the Benedum is the theater with the ceiling decorated with topless women who look like they were painted by somebody who had never seen a topless woman. Or looked very closely at a clothed woman. One of the downtown theaters in Pittsburgh has those paintings and they look like somebody painted breasts on a high school wrestling team.
like they were painted by somebody who had never seen a topless woman
Like, with bags of sand?
they look like somebody painted breasts on a high school wrestling team.
So how does it compare to this?
Like, all of those women sure have very broad shoulders, narrow hips, and unlikely torsos. The actual breasts aren't that wrong, it is just that the whole upper body is male.
It may be the Byham Theater. Google isn't helping.
For some reason I'm entertained by the notion of a store that carries all fifty bazillion Doritos flavors in one gigantic aisle. Will it be Fried Chicken and Green Onion Sauce or Peking Duck flavor tonight, dear, or shall we go for Doritos Unidentified Flavour, and really go nuts?
I was kind of appalled by all the ham-flavored potato chips for sale in Spain, but I guess they're no worse than some of these Doritos options.
Whereas I was baffled by these when I was in Greece.
(Turkish Doritos, incidentally, are FUCKING DELICIOUS.)
This is probably the best thread in which to note that I had a date tonight which was fun (a minor league baseball game) but did not culminate in sex. It was with the same girl from the last date, and it doesn't look like there will be any more. So, yeah. I'm noting it here mostly for nosflow's benefit.
So, teo, tell us about the baseball game? For instance, to what of the various bases did the offensive sides manage to advance their players?
The home team won, so that was nice. And there were fireworks afterward.
Fireworks afterward, but no sex? I think I must have the "bases" metaphor all wrong.
This is probably the best thread in which to note that...
Actually, I think the hostility about Egyptology thread is a better fit, but who am I to nitpick?
295: I would love, and eagerly frequent, that supermarket aisle. A utopian scenario that could surely never be quite realized, but, you know, dream the impossible dream...
They've got Ferdinand Hodler paintings there?
304: I've been googling with no luck. Apparently, everybody else just looks at the play instead of the ceiling.
baseball, home team won, fireworks... the metaphors of your date were just all wrong.
Actually, I think the hostility about Egyptology thread is a better fit, but who am I to nitpick?
I admit I was conflicted about it.
303: So you're really curious about that Unidentified Flavour, I take it.
Okay, it's caramel and orange zest. You didn't hear it from me.
It's good you didn't post in the Egypt thread, teo. Then we'd all be wondering if you were in (wait for it) denial.
Yeah, I think ttaM has it. Some crap about Searle completely destroying the foundation for modern neuroscience (or AI? I'm not sure which Sifu actually works in) ought to do it.
The point was not that neuroscience has any inherent problem (I personallly hope it cures a couple of more brain diseases before I get old), but that neuroscience plus AI will not get you to the Singularity, because the mind is embodied.
OT food question: I've got some veggie soup in the slow cooker that wasn't ready in time for dinner but which I'm content to let sit overnight and reheat for dinner tomorrow. Fridge overnight? Let it sit out with the lid on but with the power off? And what about during work tomorrow, 9-5: instruct me.
You are thinking of the Byham Theater. Here's the ceiling. Although I do not agree with the description.
Nice try, Stanley, but asking about food will not turn this into a sex thread.
313: Fridge overnight, no worries, and then heat it up slowly (in the slow cooker, I mean), or else quickly (on a slow burner for half an hour or so), tomorrow.
Incidentally, I kind of like morning soup. But not all soups make good breakfast soups.
315: Yeah, my left wrist isn't healing very fast and I might have to see the doctor.
313: Lid on, power off, bring to a boil before you eat it. You'll be fine. (Mageirocophobes may disagree, but don't let anyone else's psychopathology get you down.)
Geez Louise, Moby, 314 is what your high school wrestling team looked like?
314:Tiepolo it ain't. I did some googling, but I'm guessing WPA/PWA.
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Damn. 1st chance ever at Playtime and I missed recording the first half on my DVR. And TCM rarely repeats All I can get is that I am watching genius that looks like chaos. 1967 looks terrific here.
IMDB board
The problem is, the genius is in the details. You have to slow down. you won't grasp the whole, if you don't slow down and let the film engulf you. And that can be hard, in todays age of instant gratification. It's not a film that tells you what to look at, if you doon't look and listen, you won't see anything. You can't fastforward, because there's nothing to fastforward to. to see glimpses far apart doesn't do you any good in any case, as those glimpses doesn't tell you what happened in between. It's like fastforwarding a clock, the only thing that has changed is that the clock tells different times. But it doesn't tell you what happened during the time that has past.
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The comment boards are funny.
The film is too slow, and most of the gags go unnoticed.You have just unwittingly stumbled into the perimeter of wisdom, friend.
Many people say this is the most difficult film to watch evah, tougher than Andre Rublev, and many never get thru it.
Were you at an Isotopes game?
Silly Robert, the Isotopes are pretty cool and all, but they don't screen experimental films at the games.
Speaking of great films, who knew that A Sunday in Hell was on YouTube. Highly recommended.
Last thoughts on Playtime
A lot of commenters, including famous critics say there are no characters and there is no plot. Bullshit. Besides the theme of straight lines to curves echoed in the transitory romance of Hulot and Barbara, the"problem" is that there are a hundred (1000?) characters and a hundred plots, none of which are foregrounded. Everyone has a story and a progression. There, as far as I could tell, not a single human who was villainous in any way, or unredeemed. Warmest humanist movie ever.
At one point a ceiling collapses, and the hanging boards arrange in the air and I think:"Holy shit, that's Braque. Or Gris. Malevich?" Malevich would be fun, as destruction becomes Constructivism, but probably Braque.
Does Andre Rublev have a reputation for being the most difficult movie ever? That would be awesome, since I saw the movie and liked it. It would be like accidentally reading Finnegans Wake.
330:Okay
331:Slow, long, and plotless? "Difficult" can mean different things, Warhol's Empire might be considered difficult by some.
A commenter at IMDB asks "Give me the strength to finish AR". It took me about four tries to do Solaris.
But Playtime is a) very very busy, and b) visually difficult at times, glass and other reflective surfaces, black suits, white shirts, white-coated waiters and B & W dresses in a black & white environment. "Barbara" is in green, Hulot in brown.
I thought of Joyce (and Mann) last night. If you focus on one part of the screen in Playtime you miss 5 other things. Watching it multiple times from different perspectives misses the point, because it forces a sequentiality or separation on the actions that really isn't there. The totality is the point.
Those who know my argument with SEK will recognize this. I don't think you should do any "foregrounding" or "figure-grounding" when reading or analyzing later Joyce. (absurd and impossible, but it works for me)
So, in a sense, the simplicity of Empire is comparable to the same mental exercise that gets you thru intricacy of Joyce or Tati. Like staring at the surface of a lake for 8 hours, it's about overcoming desire. Da Buddha say:"Stop Grasping."
314: Maybe not all of them, but look at the woman on the lower left.
321: My high school didn't have a wrestling team.
Oh, hell, that isn't quite right either. The gags are there, and you shouldn't miss them. But I have been thinking about context, and the figure-ground dynamics in Joyce for forty years.
Just to push the limits of aggressive pedantry and bore-ishness(sic sic) here's Richard Seymour
Rational choice marxism's attempt to reinscribe the marxist theory of history and class struggle in the terms of methodological individualism has to be judged a failure.
"Methodological individualism"
The idea that social action ultimately takes place at the level of the individual, that people are utility maximisers, and that such maximisation optimally takes place in the process of exchange is obviously derived from liberal, contractarian political economy.
See, I connect this to narrative & closeups in film, and what Joyce was trying to say about perception and consciousness. Tati in 1968 as Playtime came out said he was on the barricades with the students, but he had too much history for them to listen.
sifu is the real actual sifu tweety, so, you know, respekt. donaquixote you should totally go somewhere fun with AWB (in a week or whatever). she is just as awesome and hilarious in real life.
bob: can anyone actually watch warhol's empire? I mean, would it be physically possible to stare at the unchanging screen that long? you'd be looking away, thinking of something else, fidgeting, daydreaming. longing to press the ff button. does that count as "watching" a movie? I somehow feel not, so I suppose I'm committed to the idea that, being an unwatchable movie, it's not actually a movie.
I feel like donaquixote has given Unfogged a purpose again!
We had the Tia fight, teo getting laid, alameida's dark, yet entertaining stories, Di's divorce, and ogged's dating.
(Thorn had promise, but was entirely too sensible. Sorry, Thorn. Love ya! But, you seem too level-headed. We demand rage.)
Now, I feel like I missed someone else's raging struggles.
Oh how could you forget my \unbearable\ pain, will!?
I did have a good whine a few days ago and people said nice things to me (which I never replied to -- I'm such a cad!), so JennyRobot, if you're still reading: sorry to hear it. The plus side is, if you're on the verge of leaving this year you can really knock next year's job applications out of the park with the extra publications/whatever you'll be able to do.
Bisexuality -- more acceptable for women than men? Pornography says yes! What about the Unfoggetariat?
I always forget that you are wanton breeze. I love it.
Some cheesy movie needs to have the line, "I'm waiting for a wanton breeze to blow all over me."
would it be physically possible to stare at the unchanging screen that long?
Well, it isn't completely unchanging, but of course it's possible
you'd be looking away, thinking of something else, fidgeting, daydreaming. longing to press the ff button.
I am not understanding how Warhol would be making you do these things.
I could see myself watching Empire over and over until I got it right. Nobody is asking you to lift a car with one hand or win 20 simultaneous blindfold chess games. It's just meditation without concentration, zazen.
Have I had almost-raging struggles here? I do agree that's probably the best I can manage. Sorry!
I don't really have unique advice for donaquixote and can just agree that there are plenty of lesbians with similar stories who will be sympathetic, which could easily lead to some of them buying you drinks, cooking you food, sleeping with you, inviting you to join their lesbionic activities. You've got a perfect story (if you choose to share it) about why you haven't been out and about much, and it could well make people inclined to make room for you.
Where are mcmc and rage bunny when you need them!?!!?
Were you at an Isotopes game?
No, Somerset Patriots.
This is so Unfogged:
I'm thinking of selling my used panties. Thoughts?
It's a Metafilter thread, so no dirty tricks (haha) if you click the link.
343: lesbionic... Mineshaft, we can rebuild her. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first lesbionic woman. Donaquixote will be that woman. Better than she was before. Better. Stronger. Faster.
Lesbonics should be taught in public schools. Discuss.
Let's all applaud Stormcrow's restraint in not going for the "cunning linguist" joke.
My shame that I obsessively hit refresh on this thread in the hope of hearing a donaquixote update is only soothed by the knowledge that Stanley and LB probably are keeping track of who hits the refresh button the most.
Lesbonics should be taught in public schools. Discuss.
Where's Shearer?
I will say that I purposefully don't keep track of anything like that, because I know that my constant refresh-hitting habits at a whole bunch of blogs are borderline-insane looking. Stanley, on the other hand, is in the bushes outside your windows with binoculars.
[waves enthusiastically from the bushes]
349: Let's all applaud Stormcrow's restraint in not going for the "cunning linguist" joke.
In that vein, I really quite like these guys, but I'm not sure whether they really thought through all the ramifications of their name choice.
347: Interesting! I had no idea that the $6M Man (the opening credit sequence, at any rate) is based on a real test pilot's crash.
Lesbonics should be taught in public schools. Discuss.
It's already in the curriculum!
I think one should definitely be able to evaluate the Laplace transform of ♥(t) for the conventional love stories.
I wonder what xkcd sucks will have to say about that cake.
I think the indexed designs are more suitable for cakes.
Bisexuality -- more acceptable for women than men? Pornography says yes! What about the Unfoggetariat?
My set of real-life examples overlaps entirely with my set of public-health examples, so my knowledge is inherently biased. That said: Yes, less acceptable for men, due to subset of "bi" men who are really "men married to women and having sex with other men on the side without using condoms."
Note: Statement not defensible as accurate or representative. Prices and participation may vary. See store for details.
I know that my constant refresh-hitting habits at a whole bunch of blogs are borderline-insane looking.
My problem is variable reinforcement. About once every two weeks, I have call to draw on some knowledge that I gleaned from reading blogs, and I always take this as confirmation that it was time well spent. Today I got to tell a nice young intern all about Charli Carpenter and her work on human security.
The best was when I left a library patron absolutely slack-jawed with my roster of torture/detention/extraordinary rendition links, encompassing everyone from hilzoy and katherine to Alex at Yorkshire Ranter and quite a number in between. I've never seen anyone quite so gobsmacked, unless it was the colleague sitting next to me that day.
It was beyond gratifying, and I've always been sort of curious as to how her professor (she was a middle-aged lady going back to school) reacted.
Witt, if you get ballpoint pen ink on your clothes, you can remove it easily with nail polish remover.
There, now you can read blogs for another week and feel OK about it.
The best was when I left a library patron absolutely slack-jawed with my roster of torture/detention/extraordinary rendition links, encompassing everyone from hilzoy and katherine to Alex at Yorkshire Ranter and quite a number in between
...laydeez.
Oh my, I had no idea this thread was still going. Hi!
Of course I'm gonna share my post-break up adventures, if only to validate them. Also, fun!