Re: Anxiety!

1

I was about to make a joke! But if something terrible is happening to you that would be awful! Instead I say, uh, good luck?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:07 AM
horizontal rule
2

But if something terrible is happening to you that would be awful!

This is just the kind of attitude that killed the blog.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:08 AM
horizontal rule
3

Is this 20 Questions?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:09 AM
horizontal rule
4

Dude, if I were any more specific, I wouldn't be Standpipe Bridgeplate. You now have 19 questions, none of which I will answer truthfully.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:10 AM
horizontal rule
5

2: No doubt. We need apo or sifu to come make a sex change joke.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:11 AM
horizontal rule
6

Will it be bigger than a breadbox?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:13 AM
horizontal rule
7

Is this a relationship thing?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:13 AM
horizontal rule
8

You're getting married to a lady doctor and moving to a Navajo reservation?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:13 AM
horizontal rule
9

Are you starting a new job?


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:15 AM
horizontal rule
10

Oooh. Yes, let's have a vague and allusive stag night for SB.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:15 AM
horizontal rule
11

6 seems optimistically related to 5.


Posted by: donaquixote | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:15 AM
horizontal rule
12

Uglifruit, banana, and nectarine, respectively.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:15 AM
horizontal rule
13

Vasectomy!


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:17 AM
horizontal rule
14

IF I WANTED YOU TO UNDERSTAND, I WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED IT BETTER.


Posted by: OPINIONATED JOHAN CRUYFF | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:17 AM
horizontal rule
15

Will it help change the food system?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:17 AM
horizontal rule
16

Blume, that would be funny if every second comment of yours wasn't "Vasectomy!"


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:18 AM
horizontal rule
17

Grand climacteric?


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:18 AM
horizontal rule
18

14 is one of my most favoritest quotes ever.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:18 AM
horizontal rule
19

Is 17 a sex joke? If so, is there some way I can work Michael Pollan into my answer?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:20 AM
horizontal rule
20

Menarche?


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:21 AM
horizontal rule
21

I could use some advice. What do other people do in this situation?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:22 AM
horizontal rule
22

[T]he moment when you go from seeing your life as a set of possibilities to be explored and new experiences to be had, to realizing that you will not do or be the vast majority of what you might have done or been, and that your life is what it is?


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:24 AM
horizontal rule
23

21 Comment here?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:25 AM
horizontal rule
24

Fuck, that's depressing.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:25 AM
horizontal rule
25

21: the key thing is to remember that you have three left.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:25 AM
horizontal rule
26

24 turns out to be an unexpectedly versatile comment.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:26 AM
horizontal rule
27

24 to the world?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:27 AM
horizontal rule
28

the key thing is to remember that you have three left.

Three more vas deferenses is a lot of vas deferenses.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:28 AM
horizontal rule
29

I could use some advice. What do other people do in this situation?

Absent more specific information, I'll just give you the advice I give all my SAT students for the night before the test: watch a bunch of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, get a lot of sleep.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:32 AM
horizontal rule
30

24 to oboe.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:33 AM
horizontal rule
31

Dying?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:34 AM
horizontal rule
32

JM! That's actually valuable, applicable advice! You're banned.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:34 AM
horizontal rule
33

Pupating?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:36 AM
horizontal rule
34

People are assuming that S-plate is male. Has its gender ever been established?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:38 AM
horizontal rule
35

Release from prison? Bris? Becoming a vampire?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:40 AM
horizontal rule
36

Uglifruit, banana, and nectarine, respectively.

Pomegranate?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:41 AM
horizontal rule
37

34: "Been established" is ambiguous. Presumably Bridgeplate considers Bridgeplateself's gender established in a satisfactory fashion. Does anyone else know what that fashion is?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:41 AM
horizontal rule
38

Whatever it is: you're fucked.


Posted by: Earnest O'Nest | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:42 AM
horizontal rule
39

And so are we.


Posted by: Earnest O'Nest | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:42 AM
horizontal rule
40

Pomegranate?

I know things about pomegranates that I cannot reveal.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:45 AM
horizontal rule
41

I have already said too much!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:45 AM
horizontal rule
42

If, however, you are going in for a fashion shoot, you want to drink lots of water, avoid sodium, and get lots of sleep.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:46 AM
horizontal rule
43

Why avoid sodium?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:46 AM
horizontal rule
44

I didn't know fashion shoots involved so much peeing.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:47 AM
horizontal rule
45

Because it reacts violently to water.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:48 AM
horizontal rule
46

Water retention→bloating.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:49 AM
horizontal rule
47

21: Shots of tequila. Then comment here.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:52 AM
horizontal rule
48

Carbo load, review problem sets, pack the night before, stretch, and get your affairs in order.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:55 AM
horizontal rule
49

Oh yeah: make check-lists!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:56 AM
horizontal rule
50

If it turns out you're running away with the circus, be sure to pack more vaseline than you think you're going to need.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:57 AM
horizontal rule
51

Also, pluck your eyebrows the night before, so that any inflammation has a chance to recede.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:58 AM
horizontal rule
52

21 -- Nightly sessions of self-criticism and denunciation.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 10:58 AM
horizontal rule
53

I'm running away with the ex-con vampire fashion circus.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:00 AM
horizontal rule
54

If it turns out you're running away with the circus, be sure to pack more vaseline than you think you're going to need, even after taking this advice into account.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:01 AM
horizontal rule
55

That's totally the name of my band.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:01 AM
horizontal rule
56

37: No, but I'm always true to ze, darling, in hyr fashion.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:01 AM
horizontal rule
57

53 -- In which case, I stand by 52.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:02 AM
horizontal rule
58

Sunscreen and bugspray!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:04 AM
horizontal rule
59

Carabiners!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:06 AM
horizontal rule
60

Check your tire pressure, go to confession, get a neighbor to look in on the cats, don't eat anything for 12 hours beforehand, and get a present for your host.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:08 AM
horizontal rule
61

Recharge your cell phone, make copies of your passport (one to leave at home in a safe place and one to take with you), make sure someone knows where you're hiking, dispose of all your trash.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:14 AM
horizontal rule
62

You're going to want to brush up on your signal flags.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:15 AM
horizontal rule
63

Bring a buddy.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:17 AM
horizontal rule
64

Shrive yourself and live ever more as an abbess.


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:20 AM
horizontal rule
65

Apologize to anyone you've done wrong, and make sure the caterers have the right address.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:22 AM
horizontal rule
66

Build up your stomach capacity by drinking ever-larger quantities of water, but be careful.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:22 AM
horizontal rule
67

The key is to understand that your intuitive sense of balance might not match your actual orientation.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:23 AM
horizontal rule
68

Be here now.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:25 AM
horizontal rule
69

Don't forget your towel.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:26 AM
horizontal rule
70

Leave nothing but footprints; take nothing but plunder.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:28 AM
horizontal rule
71

Stay focused on the Noble Eightfold Path, and remember to carry some cash.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:30 AM
horizontal rule
72

If you get in any trouble, remember this simple phrase: "your Mickey Mouse laws don't apply to me! I'm an American citizen!"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:33 AM
horizontal rule
73

Remember that wool insulates even when wet.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:40 AM
horizontal rule
74

Above all: wear clean underwear.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:44 AM
horizontal rule
75

Sometimes babies just cry, and there's nothing you can do about it.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:48 AM
horizontal rule
76

Cripe, Standpipe is making me anxious for Standpipe's self. Good luck, dude person!


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:48 AM
horizontal rule
77

Just be yourself and trust in the Lord.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:48 AM
horizontal rule
78

Oh, and don't forget to breathe.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:49 AM
horizontal rule
79

75 cont'd: it doesn't mean they don't like the sex.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 11:51 AM
horizontal rule
80

Just be sure to check them for bruises.

...too soon?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 12:21 PM
horizontal rule
81

I know that Standpipe is a hot chick the same way I know that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. The power of Faith.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 12:24 PM
horizontal rule
82

Go forth and be hot, hot chick. I know you're going through some hard times, but don't let the bastards take that away from you.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 12:30 PM
horizontal rule
83

Tomorrow, SB's pipes will no longer be dry and SB's gaps will not need minding.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 12:30 PM
horizontal rule
84

Take a couple of NSAIDs before whatever. That always helps, expecially if you can't get vicodin and prednisone easily.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:05 PM
horizontal rule
85

Way more lube than you seems necessary, and relax into it.


Posted by: James Garfield | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:24 PM
horizontal rule
86

Dip it in yogurt.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:38 PM
horizontal rule
87

Trust the magic of compound interest.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:40 PM
horizontal rule
88

Given the nature of our usual front-page posters, it means that SB is either a) taking the bar exam, or b) has her thesis defense, or c) lives in gswift's town and is looking to commit suicide-by-cop.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:53 PM
horizontal rule
89

Congratulations, Standpipe. Good luck to you in all your endeavors.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:53 PM
horizontal rule
90

If 88c is what's happening, then I withdraw 89.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:55 PM
horizontal rule
91

Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 1:55 PM
horizontal rule
92

Index finger and thumb together, as if you're holding a potato chip.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:07 PM
horizontal rule
93

And once you've got the third finger in there, kinda feel around and see if anything seems out of the ordinary.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:08 PM
horizontal rule
94

Whatever you do, don't cross the streams.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:09 PM
horizontal rule
95

Sifu doesn't care about his first two fingers?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:09 PM
horizontal rule
96

95: that's terrible advice.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:10 PM
horizontal rule
97

Let the Wookie win.


Posted by: C-3PO | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:10 PM
horizontal rule
98

92: Good god, is that how you're supposed to hold a potato chip? No wonder people have been laughing.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:12 PM
horizontal rule
99

Grip it and rip it, Standpipe.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:12 PM
horizontal rule
100

If you run some warm water over your cock it'll look more impressive when the time comes even if you aren't hard yet.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:14 PM
horizontal rule
101

No asparagus for at least twenty-four hours preceding.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:16 PM
horizontal rule
102

The secret is to bang the rocks together, SB.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:18 PM
horizontal rule
103

96: I assumed Standpipe was about to fix a garbage disposal.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:21 PM
horizontal rule
104

Never let them see you sweat. Or is it never let them see your ass?


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:25 PM
horizontal rule
105

Never let them see your ass sweat.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:26 PM
horizontal rule
106

Rotate the inocerater seventeen degrees to the left and click your heels. Remember that you can halt cooking with an ice-bath immersion.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:26 PM
horizontal rule
107

Now, again.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:26 PM
horizontal rule
108

If you can't think of anything to say, just spit out some nonsense and then spend the rest of the conversation making up a reason for it.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:29 PM
horizontal rule
109

It's a public show, you buy your seat and you wait, perhaps it's free, a free show, you take your seat and you wait for it to begin, or perhaps it's compulsory, a compulsory show.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:29 PM
horizontal rule
110

I have guppies inside of me!


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:29 PM
horizontal rule
111

Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:31 PM
horizontal rule
112

Christ, it's obvious - dear old Standpipe is finally going for the gender reassignment surgery, after a year of living as ... the other thing.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:33 PM
horizontal rule
113

Mindfulness.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:36 PM
horizontal rule
114

A year of living as a hot chick.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:36 PM
horizontal rule
115

Only kick little dogs.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:42 PM
horizontal rule
116

When the constable asks you to join him for a steak sandwich, kindly refuse.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:44 PM
horizontal rule
117

If the baby does not thrive on raw milk, boil it.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:45 PM
horizontal rule
118

Remember that civil engineering boils down to two basic precepts: 1. Water runs down hill. 2. Payday is on Friday.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:47 PM
horizontal rule
119

And that litigation does as well. 1: Get paid. 2. If anyone's going to jail, make sure it's the client.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:49 PM
horizontal rule
120

And that litigation does as well. 1: Get paid. 2. If anyone's going to jail, make sure it's the client.

Why not make sure it's the lawyers for the other guy?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:50 PM
horizontal rule
121

113: Has that ever worked?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 2:51 PM
horizontal rule
122

According to Google, you should recruit your inner warrior.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:01 PM
horizontal rule
123

Friday the 13th falls on a Monday this week. And you're still going through with it! Put it off until a safer day.


Posted by: jim | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:07 PM
horizontal rule
124

Remember, sex shouldn't hurt. Not the first time, not the five hundredth time. If it feels uncomfortable, slow down, back off, lube up. Never be afraid to say "this isn't working for me."

And just because you have sex once, doesn't mean you have to keep having sex. Not with this boy, or with the next boy you are with.

Also, boys will try to convince you that they will get "blue balls" if they get all aroused and don't get a release, and they will tell you that this is really painful and a big injustice. Don't listen to them. They can always go an masturbate and be just fine.

Above all, remember that you mother and I love you no matter what you do.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:08 PM
horizontal rule
125

Although rob is correct regarding blue balls, you should be alert for the symptoms of the cold robbies and do what you can to alleviate them.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:12 PM
horizontal rule
126

Nail the seam or giant scream.


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:16 PM
horizontal rule
127

Don't be such an asshole.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:19 PM
horizontal rule
128

Standpipe, you are going to be a beautiful bride.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:21 PM
horizontal rule
129

117 seems awfully punitive but what do I know about parenting?


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:21 PM
horizontal rule
130

As time goes by, the cravings and then even the occasional nostalgic thought will pass; and who knows? perhaps in a few years you'll be able to comment as bob mcmanus again.


Posted by: Awl | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:34 PM
horizontal rule
131

Oh - are you getting rid of your other blog, Standpipe? Is that why 129 had to be posted here?

As for tomorrow: just do your best, that's all we expect of you. At the end of the day, it's a game of two halves, swings and roundabouts. No one ever looked back from their deathbed and wished they'd blogged less.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:44 PM
horizontal rule
132

No one ever looked back from their deathbed and wished they'd blogged less.

Actually I'm rather certain that we are all going to wish just that.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:52 PM
horizontal rule
133

I actually have it penciled in on my "Things to do on my deathbed", right before disinheriting the children.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:53 PM
horizontal rule
134

124: not even the first time?


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 3:56 PM
horizontal rule
135

131.1 Aright, aright, I had never heard this and thought I was being just the cleverest thing. Tough room! It used to be so much nicer here when Bob McManus was around. (What, I missed Ogged by years.)


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 4:15 PM
horizontal rule
136

Dont do it, Standpipe!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 5:27 PM
horizontal rule
137

Dont do it, Standpipe!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 5:27 PM
horizontal rule
138

Hold it carefully but often.


Posted by: David | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 5:43 PM
horizontal rule
139

It's hard to live in a studio apartment in San Jose with a man who's learning to play the violin.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 5:49 PM
horizontal rule
140

Do you know the way to live in a studio apartment in San Jose with a man who's learning to play the violin?

I've got a lot of friends who can offer violin lessons suitable for beginners in San Jose who have practice spaces.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 5:52 PM
horizontal rule
141

I mean that the friends have practice spaces, not that the lessons are suitable for beginners who have practice spaces.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 5:53 PM
horizontal rule
142

Are the lessons unsuitable for beginners who reside in other cities?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 5:57 PM
horizontal rule
143

Are you not allowed to purchase vaseline as needed after joining the circus?


Posted by: Molly | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:05 PM
horizontal rule
144

No.


Posted by: The Hunger Artist | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:07 PM
horizontal rule
145

Are the lessons unsuitable for beginners who reside in other cities?

That depends on their willingness to commute to San Jose, I guess.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:10 PM
horizontal rule
146

Half your age plus seven, and godspeed.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:11 PM
horizontal rule
147

Sqrt(age) plus 12, heebie. Be the change you want to date in the high school.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:12 PM
horizontal rule
148

147. Wow, so my 6th grade "romance" was transgressive. Who knew?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:15 PM
horizontal rule
149

Who knew?

Your music teacher entered a guilty plea, so you didn't need to testify. Everybody knew but you.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:17 PM
horizontal rule
150

Man, Sifu's going to make a devious parent someday.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:18 PM
horizontal rule
151

If 150 is too opaque, I'm imagining him telling his 14-year-old kid, "you're allowed to date anyone you like, as long as you're each older than the square root of the other's age plus 12." "Whatever, dad, you weirdo", says the kid, not realizing they've just agreed on no dating until age 16.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:22 PM
horizontal rule
152

Swimming is not all that it is cracked up to be.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:26 PM
horizontal rule
153

Keep your eye on the ball, watch it connect, and follow through.


Posted by: Lambent Cactus | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:27 PM
horizontal rule
154

151: they'll thank me when they're forty.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:28 PM
horizontal rule
155
Posted by: | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:30 PM
horizontal rule
156

152: Snap your hips anyway.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:31 PM
horizontal rule
157

153 is entirely wrong. The proper technique is slow back, dinna press, and keep your ee on the ba'.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:32 PM
horizontal rule
158

(soon to be gone) 155: The view from the dog tower.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:34 PM
horizontal rule
159

156:
JP knows what he is talking about !


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:35 PM
horizontal rule
160

157: have I mentioned that I've repeated that phrase to myself more than once whilst on a golf course since reading it here? Works pretty well.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:37 PM
horizontal rule
161

160: Yeah, you can snatch two or three of them off the green before they get there with the carts.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:39 PM
horizontal rule
162

Remember, never take no cutoffs and hurry along as fast as you can.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:45 PM
horizontal rule
163

"I believe that if ever I had to practice cannibalism, I might manage if there were enough tarragon around."


Posted by: James Beard | Link to this comment | 09-12-10 6:57 PM
horizontal rule
164

It's your big day! Post something cryptic to let us wonder how it went!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 5:45 AM
horizontal rule
165

S/he is still busy absorbing her/is tail and getting used to breathing air. Expect a post when s/he has worked out how to catch flies with her/is tongue.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 6:12 AM
horizontal rule
166

We look forward to welcoming the new frontpage poster once SB and zir twin are separated.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 6:15 AM
horizontal rule
167

Hope it goes/went well, SB.

Also: Hey hey HEY!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 6:18 AM
horizontal rule
168

166: But what I want to know is which twin gets the accordian?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 6:18 AM
horizontal rule
169

ableist!!


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 8:36 AM
horizontal rule
170

The ablest twin gets the accordian?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 8:45 AM
horizontal rule
171

Aren't accordions non-abelian?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 9:09 AM
horizontal rule
172

Verbing weirds accordions.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 9:11 AM
horizontal rule
173

Accordion to you!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 9:14 AM
horizontal rule
174

be sure to pack more vaseline than you think you're going to need.

One of the photos in Jan Banning's Bureaucratics series depicts a Texas sheriff with a bottle of Jack Daniels, a jar of Vaseline, and several jars of candy on his desk.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 10:02 AM
horizontal rule
175

Accordion to oboe.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 1:50 PM
horizontal rule
176

Oboe not that old saw.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 1:51 PM
horizontal rule
177

173 woodwind the thread if puns weren't band.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 1:57 PM
horizontal rule
178

Oboe not that old saw

. . . lest the new saw oboe you?


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 2:15 PM
horizontal rule
179

A new saw— Viola!


Posted by: persistently visible | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 2:28 PM
horizontal rule
180

Five years of this stuff and I am just now coming to the realization that we will never obtain any additional information as to what this post was about.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 4:45 PM
horizontal rule
181

So.

Did it happen?

Has your life changed in a major way as a consequence?

Was there really anything to be anxious about?


Posted by: jim | Link to this comment | 09-13-10 6:13 PM
horizontal rule
182

Mistah Bridgeplate - he ineffable.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-14-10 6:32 AM
horizontal rule