Re: Like Mary Poppins' carpet bag

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"That's not my crack, officer! Uh, I mean..."

And while we're on the topic.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:06 PM
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Just to sum it up for you: The plan was for the heroin to go from anus to mouth, to mouth, and then all the way to anus again.

In all fairness, the third transition doesn't make it much grosser.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:19 PM
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Father-son junkie centipede day yaaaaay!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:32 PM
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You chose to mock this when there you could mock the whole economy and political system collapsing? Sheesh.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:37 PM
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3: Wait your turn! AWB and I haven't even found distribution yet for Bunny Centipede.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:43 PM
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4: It's a metaphor.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:44 PM
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3: And it would have worked if not for the insidious machinations of the police-state!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:48 PM
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6: Oh, like there's a Tea Party in my pants?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 12:49 PM
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Excellent rebranding of incontinence, that one.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 2:17 PM
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It's not just a party, it's a movement.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 2:24 PM
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The Incontinental Army!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 2:28 PM
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Don't spread on me!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 2:38 PM
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I confess. I put it there. The weed, too. If anyone else finds drugs in their butt they don't remember putting there, just send them to me. Sorry for the inconvenience.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 2:45 PM
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13: Could you please explain that to the cops, togolosh? I showed them your confession, but they still won't let me go.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 2:57 PM
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I confess. I put it there. The weed, too.

Is this like saying "I put that envelope under all that litter", recast for the new millenium?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 4:13 PM
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OTish, Rowan testified today for almost three hours and I'm so impressed by his reslience, though equally taken with what seemed like disorganized ineptitude on the part of the defense lawyer going after him. They shouldn't need him tomorrow, but I'm planning to go to the closing statements anyway (though his dad may testify in his own defense too; defense attorney wouldn't confirm or deny to prosecutor) and the jury was 10 women, all people who dressed up and didn't wear jeans. I'd think that would be sympathetic toward prosecution in child abuse cases, but we'll see. Right now he's my hero for telling the truth and also explaining why he didn't always tell the truth in past situations (not under oath) and being patient with stupid and incredibly prying questions. Whatever comes of this, he did the right thing and did it incredibly well. Lee and I are both proud quasi-mama hens!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 4:19 PM
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15: It's Geocaching for the new millenium. Go to www.buttstashing.com to join in the fun!


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 4:26 PM
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I love that reflexive "that's not mine". People get kind of sullen when you laugh and make jokes about meth fairies hiding their stash.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 4:38 PM
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16: Go Rowan. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I'm glad he has you.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 4:50 PM
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The headline to the story linked in the OP is good, but so is this one: Portland man finds stranger in his bathtub coated in mud, wearing his Ducks jersey.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 4:56 PM
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18: People get kind of sullen when you laugh and make jokes about meth fairies hiding their stash.

Those stupid meth fairies are nothing to laugh about! Doesn't matter how many times you clean the apartment, they always find a new place to put your meth.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 5:11 PM
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19 gets it right.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 5:22 PM
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15: Beat me to it, I was going to do something like this:

... and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the drugs.Until we came upon a person, and in that person's buttcrack was another stash of drugs. And we decided that one big stash of drugs is better than two little stashes, and rather than dig that one out we decided to stuff our's in. That's what we did, and drove back home, had a dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning
But it's ruin't now.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 6:35 PM
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Like they always say: never let your mouth sell some drugs your ass can't cache.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 6:38 PM
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Sorry, "www.buttstashing.com" is unavailable or could not be found.
CUZ IT'S IN YER BUTT AHAHAAH
Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 6:51 PM
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"Mary Poppins' carpet bag" sounds like a euphemism for the anterior orifice.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 7:43 PM
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Didn't you see the movie? The chimney was swept clean.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 7:48 PM
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Didn't you see the movie?

All I remember is that a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. Supercalifragilisticexpialidociously.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 8:07 PM
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One would think there would have to have been some sordid scene feat. drug-addicted urban sordidness where some wannabe pimp or whatever said "A spoonful of medicine makes sugar go down", wouldn't one?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 8:16 PM
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And we decided that one big stash of drugs is better than two little stashes, and rather than dig that one out we decided to stuff our's in.

This made me laugh out loud.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 8:21 PM
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One would think there would have to have been some sordid scene

You saw the part where everyone is laughing uncontrollably and floating around up near the ceiling? And seeing imaginary penguins?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 10- 5-10 8:25 PM
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20: It's the "coated in mud" part that puzzles me. Maybe the guy was being hunted by Predators.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 10- 6-10 4:09 AM
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Data point for my thesis that the United States is actually a poor imitation of Italy: the bank card that charges you 50 cents every time you use PIN verification. What are they trying to do, encourage card fraud?


Posted by: Alex | Link to this comment | 10- 6-10 4:31 AM
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Thanks, guys. The jury is out now. The prosecutor has never before had a case like this where it was opening statements, one witness, closing statements. I have no idea which way it's going to go and I don't think either lawyer did as well as she could have, but I really hope things will go well for our side and he can go on with his life now. Just seeing the change in him after he'd testified was amazing; I can see where the cliches about weight lifted off the shoulders come from.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 10- 6-10 9:23 AM
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Last update from me. They just found his dad guilty on one count, not the other identical one, but the one guilty is all we need. Rowan won't have to testify again. His dad won't be around children again. I feel such a huge sense of relief.

Now can I complain about how infuriating it was to have the defense attorney claim that Rowan would have invented the whole story so he could be in foster care?? Because that's what kids like! And because he wanted better Christmas presents than he got in his family. (Ooops, I was only middling last year because I didn't want to overwhelm him. Too bad that didn't get submitted as evidence!) Okay, I'm just being bitchy because it was so annoying and upsetting to see the way she went after him, but it doesn't even matter because it's done!!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 10- 6-10 12:06 PM
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35: Hurray!

And, yes, you can complain! That sounds horrible!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 10- 6-10 12:09 PM
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36: Well, since the defense had no witnesses, their only strategy was to explain that Rowan is a terrible person and therefore he must be lying. I mean, because say you'd done something wrong as a young teen and admitted that to the police and when the time came for legal repercussions but then told your classmates that it was all a big misunderstanding because you were embarrassed, surely that means you're unreliable for the rest of your life, right? It was incredibly brutal to hear this about someone I care so much about (and whom I have many reasons to believe!) but I think the lawyer went way overboard and probably zealously performing a character assassination of a kid didn't pay off as well as she'd hoped.

Also, WTF is up with things admitted as evidence from counseling sessions. I wouldn't have expected that to be normal. They clearly had a few snippets from something like the MMPI that he'd taken a few years ago and wanted to use that to claim that, say, he couldn't distinguish fantasy from reality. Having seen the quality of reports put out by the foster care agencies, I'd be shocked if all the information in them were accurate in the first place, but this also seemed weirdly invasive in a way I hadn't expected.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 10- 6-10 12:25 PM
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37: If it were done as part of an evaluation for a court or school as opposed to therapeutic treatment, it wouldn't be privileged is my guess.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 5:23 AM
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37: That does sound weird to me, but it also sounds like the sort of issue that a competent prosecutor should have been on top of, which means there was probably a good reason why it was admitted. (With 'good' meaning 'according to relevant law', not necessarily 'sensible'.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 5:34 AM
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Yeah, it was obviously legal, but it surprised me. Rowan's take on it was that everything that goes on in a residential treatment center goes into his file (for foster care) and that basically everyone in his life has access to his file. He's biased, of course, but I think probably mostly accurate.

It was a strange trial and I'm not sure how competent the prosecutor was, but she seemed more competent than the defense attorney and it worked out in our favor, so I'm not going to complain.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 6:28 AM
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Congratulations to you and Rowan, Thorn. I'm so glad you got a good result. The admission of Rowan's psych records seems strange to me, too. A couple possibilities come to mind. (1) The prosecutor didn't object to admission because she gambled that allowing the defense to go there would hurt more than help the defense. (2) Although the reports were privileged, the privilege is Rowan's not the State's, so the prosecution lacked standing to object. (3) Rowan had already waived the privilege by using them in some other proceeding. Just guesses, and (as you said) it doesn't even matter now. I'm just glad Rowan can put this all behind him now and you can move forward as a family.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 7:08 AM
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I'm happy for you Thorn. Rowan and Lee too, of course. It's good to see things work out the way they should.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 7:19 AM
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41: We actually don't have custody of Rowan and quite likely never will. He got moved out of direct state care into a private agency, and agencies in our state only like to give up custody if the kid is moving to an actual adoptive placement. Because they moved him to another home within their agency where he's happy, he's staying there for the foreseeable future. The agency is also trying to get his brother admitted to the program so they can live together (and while I support connection between them and have been appalled at how little they've seen each other during their years in care, I can tell Rowan doesn't really want to live in the same home with his brother and I'm glad his state worker is not totally on board with this plan) and that, too, would preclude Rowan's living with us. So I'm trying to get used to the idea that we will never parent him. We'll still have been important and meaningful people in his life, and at this point that does feel like enough.

But yesterday his social worker turned to me and said, "You know, Current Foster Mom really is the best possible fit for him, you know?" and I was really hurt by that. So obviously I still have strong feelings!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 7:30 AM
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Oh, man. Sorry. I misunderstood and/or haven't kept up. Yeah, I'd have a hard time hearing someone else was thought a "better fit." What a tactless thing for the social worker to say. I'm glad, at least, that he has a home where he is happy and that you and Lee could be there to play the role you did.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 7:55 AM
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Oh, I don't expect people to keep up with all the details! This has been complicated and hard to keep up with even for me. I'm just glad we could be there for him and that something good came of all this. It's incredible to see how he's grown in stature and confidence in the last year we've known him. He's 16 as of this week and we do still plan to keep our home legally available to him until he ages out of care, but for a while I really believed he'd end up with us and now I don't anymore.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 8:00 AM
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It takes a village, and all. I suspect in his heart as well as yours, you will be a parent to him, whatever the legal status. Still, I feel for you.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 8:13 AM
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I shared Di's misunderstanding. Sorry things aren't as good as they might be, but glad they are much better than they were.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 10- 7-10 10:50 AM
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