And you think that by making it a blog post you'll get super duper rich?
It's based on Chinese Feng Shui, which is Chinese for SCIENCE!
This washed over FB and Twitter few months ago (though without the Feng Shui[1] part), when as I recall the month in question was October. What are the odds?
[1] A kind of dumpling.
I recently saw:
PLEASE put this as your status if you know someone who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, totally breathe fire. 60% of people WON'T copy and paste this because they have already been eaten by dragons. 38% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers, and the remaining 2% are awesome and will re-post this... if you actually took the time to read this, repost it.
Was this status from one of your math students?
3: Yes, and it was frequently re-posted by the non-doorstop-dumb. Sigh. Damn you, Facebook, for revealing my friends' terrible secrets.
Thankfully, no. Someone I knew growing up.
5: I've seen that several times. Less stupid than most!
Now that you guys mention it, I do remember maybe even mocking it here before. Oh well. I try, how I try.
"Abalone" is the only word where all four vowels appear in order.
Answering machine : I probably missed her call while I was out :: Facebook : I'm probably missing her very interesting thoughts right now
These things coming into my memory as I am writing this, it would be unnatural for me to omit them.
I have no idea what 12 (or 14) refers to, but I'm now hearing "Jolene", for which you know I blame NickS.
I hope people are going to get tired of Facebook at some point.
You owe it to the crazy Chinese parents to report this status.
I hope people are going to get tired of Facebook at some point.
Why?
So, re: the abalone thing, why are so many such brain-teasers of that ilk so fucking morbid? Wouldn't the puzzles be more amusing if they didn't force one to think about grisly deaths?
21: It seems too dedicated to up-to-the-minute reports. "Status update"? Seriously? Are we on a joint mission here?
I'm not really going to enter into a detailed critique of Facebook; the general outlines are known. It's nice as a way to maintain contact with true friends who might like to know if your mom died or you're getting married. But up-to-the-minute status update reportage gets old fast. I'm old fashioned, and believe there are good reasons for lines between the public and the private.
I just checked by FB page and there is nothing like that on it. Mostly just baby pictures, old kid pictures, and "shit that's a lot of snow" pictures.
I'm largely with Parsi, but I just hide the people who status update too much.
Actually, except for this one dude I know who is a complete and utter asshole, but in a way that's amusing on Facebook. Hey, why not put up on the internet pictures of your kid's daycare workers showing an unfortunate bit of buttcrack or make fun of your work colleagues' cars! That's entertainment.
I forgot about that. I hid several people.
Obviously the place for up to the minute status reports is Unfogged.
They tried to trick me at the grocery store into thinking they had already closed by turning off the automatic doors. But I saw customers and open cash registers, and I saw that it was still 8:25, and I foiled them! I pushed right through those automatic doors and got milk for tomorrow's coffee!
If rob really rejected authority, he'd have gotten hot sauce or clam juice or hand soap for his coffee. But no, there he goes, in lock-step with the rest.
Speaking of coffee and the OP, I find it surprising that I have "friends" who update me on their having had their morning coffee, but apparently I do.
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This has been a great game so far.
|>
31: No kidding. I'm a little surprised it's not on broadcast, though.
32: You could do play by play status updates on FB.
ESPN has Monday Night Football too. It's a brave new world.
As long as Frank Gifford remains morally pure, football will still be football.
Is Kathie Lee morally pure by imputation?
Safety!
Fucking hell, Chip, even I saw that coming.
Speaking of coffee and the OP, I find it surprising that I have "friends" who update me on their having had their morning coffee, but apparently I do.
See, I'll do this, but only something noteworthy happens regarding the coffee or the getting thereof. Admit it, Jesus: you've hidden me on Facebonk.
Are you still keeping that barista on the hook?
Chizik or whatever the heck his name is is toasting Oregon with the playcalling.
40: My intentions have been clear from the start, and those intentions have been entirely coffee-related. (And 39 is missing an "if".)
41: "Let's all drink to Oregon, the rainiest state without a major software company."
23: Those seem like perfectly fine reasons for not being interested in FB yourself. I just don't get why you care whether other people get tired of it.
But up-to-the-minute status update reportage gets old fast.
Which is why nobody does it.
I have a Facebook friend whose status updates could almost have been subcontracted to Pauly Shore, but with way more single-minded focus. Here are the past 15 or so.
------------
1/7: Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!! The first Friiiday of 2011!!!! Yeah!!!!!
1/4: Ohio State is winning!!! Yeah!!!!
12/31: Happy New Beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Friiiday Happy Hour just started and doesnot end until after midnight!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/31: Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!!!! Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!! Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/30: Tomorrow is Friiiday!!!!!!
12/29: 35 hours and 6 minutes until Friiiday!!!!! Friiiday is New Years Eve!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/26: Happy Snowy Sunday!!!!
12/25: Heavy snow in Danville VA. Yeah!!!
12/25: Okay: I am finished in Greensboro; Onward:Dasher Dancer and Prancer; Onward to the house to enjoy some holiday custard, cookies and Christmas wine!!!! Yeah!!!
12/24: Its Friiiday!!!!! Its Christmas Eve!!!
12/21: There are approximately 242 hours 42 minutes left in 2010!!!! 2 Friiidays to go!!!
12/19: Yes Virginia....there is a Santa Claus!!!!...Santa has a big night ahead of him on Friiiday night!!!
12/17: Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!!! Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!!!! Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!!
12/14: There are only three Friiidays left this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/11: Everyone have a safe and wonderful weekend!!!!! If you Drink; Donot Drive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/10: Its Friiiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
------------
The Friiiday monologue has been going on for over a year now.
What's up with the game? I'm at a concert with the 300 or so other Oregonians who aren't watching.
Which is why nobody does it.
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, MISTER
43: is isn't so much that it is super rainy (in total, in most locations). It's just that it rains a bit... All.the.time. All that is of course only true West of the Cascades.
Oregon is down, but not out. 10 to 16 at the half.
47: The Auburn O line is way better than the Duck D line. UO still in it, but... it doesn't look like so good in Potville. The mighty Ducks seem like they're gonna strike out.
This heartwarming moment brought to you millions of television viewers by Tostitos.
Moby sits on a throne of lies. It's 11 to 16.
54: I lie on a throne of sits. It's very confusing.
How often do you see scores of 11 points in a football game? It just didn't register.
51: Don't listen to him. He gets all pessimistic and "Meh, they're probably gonna lose" during the first half of EVERY SINGLE GAME. (Almost.)
Why is the Pac 10 still advertising? It is going to be Pac 12 next year. You'd think they'd want to bring that some exposure.
Thanks. The presenter also just reported the score.
I predict that the first team to figure out that they need to switch to longer cleats will win the game.
You don't think thy might end up in clownshoes?
One shudders to think what you'd come up with if I'd said "studs" instead.
I'm not Stanley, Josh.
I really need to stop being a fan of any team in particular. Makes contests more fun to watch.
I don't think the final score is going to be close. I haven't really been paying much attention since all the interceptions to start the game, but it is not as good of a game as I'd been expecting.
Not very high scoring. Who took the under?
I'm glad I was wrong. I should probably start paying attention.
69: If you're wearing the right clothing and chewing indiscriminately, then your fleeces están muy Tostitos.
Poop. Impressive seasons, on both sides. Auburn really made some heads-up plays that last drive.
Apparently my skill in life is writing somewhat amusing facebook status updates so I'm hoping people don't get tired of facebook because what the fuck will I do with the rest of my life?
I have a friend who posts pretty much every Monday about how much she hates Mondays which, really Garfield?
re 5: My friend posted that and I found myself compelled to respond "Dragons, the policeman knew, were supposed to breathe fire and occasionally get themselves slaughtered" and then, as always, wonder what the fuck that is from or if Vince Clarke just started talking nonsense.
12: "'Abalone' is the only word where all four vowels appear in order", Tom said facetiously.
Tom said facetiously
You're a clever one, aren't you?
"Dragons, the policeman knew, were supposed to breathe fire and occasionally get themselves slaughtered"
Possibly Pratchett, "Guards! Guards!"?
I just nearly posted a status update for Jesus about how I'm about to have my second cup of tea of the morning (and nearly put 2 tea bags in by accident!), but then thought that the ratio of people getting the joke to people thinking I was an idiot was a bit too low to be worth it.
But you didn't put two bags in, you noticed in time and averted the catastrophe. So you're totally in control of everything and waesome and all that. A role model for Jesus, and quite possibly for his Dad too. You should update your status to 'Demigod'.
Awesome. Awesome. Waesome is a hapax legomenon in a minor work attributed to the Gawain poet, but its meaning is disputed.
Waesome is a hapax legomenon in a minor work attributed to the Gawain poet, but its meaning is disputed.
It means ye're fu o wae, ye gommeril.
wae [we:] n. Woe, sorrow,adj. Woeful, sorrowful, vexed.
Compounds and phrases etc.
wae is me contracted wae's me: woe to me!, O the pity!
wae wirth [-wʌrθ, -wɪrθ]: woe befall, a curse upon!
waebegane [-ge:n, MN. -gi:n]: woebegone
waesucks: alas!
So you're totally in control mantrol of everything and waesome and all that.
80 was me, sorry. And I am deeply interested that "waesucks" is actually a word.
76: it sounds Pratchetty, but doesn't seem to be:
http://www.lyricsbay.com/i_before_e_except_after_c_lyrics-yazoo.html
Perhaps this or that Tiger Mother ridiculousness is worthy of front-page-goodness?
The "day arrangement of a month comes once every 823 years" thing is really stupid. I or my girlfriend got an e-mail mentioning it a few months ago - according to Snopes, it must have been either August or October - although there wasn't a feng shui connection imputed. Which is fortunate, because if there had been, I might have done something somone would have regretted. I didn't go to Snopes to disprove it at the time, though, I just counted back in the calendar. Every month with 31 days has five instances of three days. If anyone has any explanation why a particular combination of months and extra days would matter, I'd love to hear it.
If anyone has any explanation why a particular combination of months and extra days would matter,
Well, if there were 5 Mondays, 5 Wednesdays, and 5 Fridays in a particular month, I'd be impressed.
I was going to post this in a different thread, but then I was like (ahem) oh, right, it's about stupid facebook status updates: some of my LA friends have been going on about "chemtrails". Come on, guys.
Best response (from another of my LA friends):
"It's most likely people from Raytheon and Rocketdyne secretly releasing harmful/poisonous gases in the skies right above where they work and live with their families."
I have a FB-related question: do people still "poke" each other on FB? I recall in the site's very early days, that button was one of the site's most talk-about features, I think because of its mildly-salacious ambiguity. I noticed recently that the button is still there, but I don't remember seeing or hearing it mentioned by anyone any time in the last several years.
75: "Only sparingly", Tom said abstemiously.
But up-to-the-minute status update reportage gets old fast.
Which is why nobody does it.
Don't know a lot of 11- to 23-year-olds, do you?
Oh, I knew it was from the Yaz/Yazoo song. I just...the song is a bunch of synth noises with a couple of different monologs going on in the background including the dragon one, and it seemed like a crazy thing to have composed as a song text, so I wondered if it was from something else. Probably not.
"It's most likely people from Raytheon and Rocketdyne secretly releasing harmful/poisonous gases in the skies right above where they work and live with their families."
Is your friend seriously using the argument that corporations won't pollute because their employees have children?
91: I never saw the "poke" button or saw anyone poke each other in my time on Facebook (the past 4 years or so), but I just clicked on a friend's name, and "Poke" was in the upper-right of the profile page. That's with the "new profile" malarkey though; maybe it was less noticeable before.
95: It holds a bit more water when the topic is not pollution but deliberate and malevolent chemical use.
96.1: no, the opposite: I think it was quite a bit more noticeable before, at least if "before" means "originally". It was one of about three functional buttons on otherwise uncluttered profile pages (back when profile pages were more or less all that facebook was); it was hard to miss. Now, as you attest, someone could use the site for years and never really even notice the button.
96.2: Expecting me to know what the topic is is overly optimistic.
Smearcase for the timestamp win.
Yeah, I mean, it's not "pollute in the course of normal business" it's "have a secret program to control the weather that involves flying planes with chemical sprayers back and forth over the san joaquin valley".
Wait, aren't there cloud seeders that are literally trying to control the weather by flying planes with chemical sprayers back and forth over the San Joaquin Valley? I mean, that's not a secret, but still.
Whoa, yeah. Smearcase gets like 11 goddamn years of Feng Shui.
97: Yeah, by "before" I meant "a few months ago before the new profile was rolled out."
101: absent a convincing URL, I'm going to go with "no".
Or "maybe", I guess? Kinda? Not what my friends are talking about, though.
104 --
Or this:
In the United States, at least 29 states have licensed weather modification programs. Weather Modification Inc. of Fargo, North Dakota has been working with the Kings River Conservation District (KRCD) in California's Central San Joaquin Valley since 1954. Responsible for one of the world's richest agricultural regions, the KRCD water management agency has consistently contracted for cloud seeding above the crucial Pine Flat Reservoir. According to Weather Modification Inc. (WMI), "The program's objective is to increase precipitation efficiency of clouds and storm systems crossing the watershed." WMI says that artificially-induced rainfall in the Kings River Conservation District replenishes groundwater depleted by heavy use, allowing uninterrupted hydroelectric power generation. Employing techniques little changed since Dr. Vincent Schaefer undertook the first weather modification experiments for General Electric in 1946, cloud seeding companies use aircraft or ground generators to release silver iodide particles into clouds when temperature and moisture are ripe for rain. Attracting clumps of moisture, the silver iodide particles trigger formation of ice crystals which then fall as additional rain or snow.
Smearcase for the timestamp win.
There's another opportunity tonight! And two more in November. So be ready.
Speaking of precipitation, our forecast is for ice pellets. Not sleet or hail or freezing rain, but ice pellets. DO NOT WANT.
106: yeah. Also, I meant the San Fernando valley. Still, my friends are the dumb ones, here.
The real tragedy is that I wasted 5 minutes of my life that I can never recover, googling those links for no obvious reason. What has become of us?
(Hey Sifu, do you still check in on that gmail address you used a while back? If not, check it.)
110: I do, and I did, and I saw, and it's cool. Is that a glycol line?
I googled "chemtrail theories" and found them blamed for "the recent nationwide epidemic increase in cases of nose bleed, asthma, allergies, pneumonia, upper respiratory symptoms and a noticeable increase in arthritis symptoms." Perhaps the notion has profited memetically from being joined with hypochondria.
I totally got hypochondria from chemtrails, but my insurance won't cover it. I think the insurance people and the chemtrail people are in cahoots.
Jesus, that's so odd, because I got mitochondria from stemcells.
If facebook is, as I'm now being told every time I check the page, going to force everyone who isn't already using the new profile to use the new profile, they might as well get on with it. I'm not going to click to "upgrade" at this point. Also, the whole "more ways to show and tell your story" sounds like bland bullshit.
FA, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you've already got the new profile.
That's very odd, because facebook is still trying to get me to choose to upgrade and when I view my own profile, it's the old style.
Huh. Weird. Also, I was so close to the 01-11-11 11:11 mark! D'oh.
But it was better when I wasn't trying.
But you got 01 11 11 11 10, a palindrome. Isn't that better?
Oh! That is better. Thanks, jms.
my sister turns 30 on november 11, 2011. at 11:11 pm we are going to have to do something fucking waesome. I promised her I'd go, wherever she has it; hopefully she'll be here and I won't have to go to NYC or something. it's too long to fly for a short visit, unless you fly business class, which fucking waesucks moneywise.
If your sister has her party in Germany, I'll totally bring the waesomeness.