Re: If my aunt had wheels, she'd be a wagon

1

Why is it always my aunt? My poor uncle, he feels left out.


Posted by: Klug | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 11:40 AM
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2

I think the Yiddish version of this is, "If my grandmother had balls, she'd be my grandfather."


Posted by: glowingquaddamage | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 11:51 AM
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3

I heard it as "if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a trolley cart" and also sometimes "… a Volkswagen".


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 11:52 AM
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4

If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a teacart.

That's how I always heard it, although if my actual grandmother had treads, she'd have been a Sherman tank driven by a homicidal maniac.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 11:55 AM
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5

2: Aunt, balls, uncle. Minimum disruption of the actual gene flow, unlike the g'mother one.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:02 PM
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6

5: But not sure if it is Yiddish or not, just the way I heard it.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:07 PM
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7

I thought it was, "If my aunt had balls, my uncle would have faced certain stricture given the discriminatory times in which he lived."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:08 PM
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8

Historical counterfactuals are the last refuge of the nerd who isn't good at math.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:11 PM
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9

In Polish it comes in two versions 'if aunt had wheels she'd be a bus' and 'if aunt had balls she'd be uncle'


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:12 PM
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10

8: In that case, Matt Yglesias probably struggles to add two single-digit numbers.


Posted by: glowingquaddamage | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:13 PM
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11

I thought of LB yesterday when I got to use, "If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had some eggs" in response to a friend expressing disappointment that we couldn't find enough people to get a pick-up game of cornhole going.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:14 PM
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12

LB is Walt Kelly?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:15 PM
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13

The version I grew up with didn't involve relatives at all. It was "if frogs had wings, they wouldn't bruise their butts".


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:25 PM
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14

I've never looked, but if many frogs get bruised butts, I'm going to reconsider my support for the theory of evolution.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:50 PM
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15

If I recall Dan Rather from Election Night 2000 correctly, "If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a pistol."

Didn't understand what he meant by that even a little. Worried about him a bit.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 12:53 PM
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16

If a frog had butterfly wings, it wouldn't look in the least bit gay.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:03 PM
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17

It was actually Election Night 2004 (watch this). Weird, because didn't Dan get fired during the 2004 campaign?


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:03 PM
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18

17: Huh. I could swear I remember him getting punchy late at night in 2000, and starting to talk all Texan folksy weird. But I might have moved that quote around in my head.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:13 PM
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19

Doesn't he always talk like that?


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:14 PM
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20

17: He was around until early 2005, after the suits had their bullshit self-exonerating report written (not saying Rather/Mapes didn't fuck up, but there was far more truth in their report than the one CBS commissioned). Here is a written collection of them from the 2000 election (also has the frog one).


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:15 PM
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21

What, really, he said it twice? That's extra scary.


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:20 PM
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22

With that much folksiness, he really should have had an answer ready for "What's the frequency Kenneth?"


Posted by: Jimmy Pongo | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:22 PM
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23

Could be in his world it's a cliche, so he says it whenever it comes up. Where exactly his world is remains an open question.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 1:23 PM
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24

I'm just so impressed that his research turned up such stunning scenarios.

This is just garden-variety academic publication bias. There are probably dozens of boring alternate histories of American Politics for every stunning one that turns up, but only the stunning ones get published.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 4:58 PM
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25

If they'd hanged Jesus Christ, we'd all be kneeling in front of a fucking gibbet.


Posted by: Dennis Dimbleby Bagley | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 5:08 PM
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26

26: And if they'd fed him to the lions, after three days he would have arisen from the kitty litter box?


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 05-24-11 4:26 AM
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27

26 to 25. I forgot how this math thing works.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 05-24-11 4:27 AM
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