Re: I was told: no perishable goods. No, really, I was.

1

I see you decided not to go with the hole in the ground alternative.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:02 PM
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Car titles fit in cheap, insulated metal fire-protection boxes. You're holding gold.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:10 PM
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Holes in the ground are a sad excuse for the right thing to do: climb a mountain, carve a hole in a tree, whisper the secret into the hole, and fill it up with mud. A hollow in a stone wall at Angkor Wat is also a suitable alternative.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:23 PM
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Is that what one does with car titles? What else us supposed to be kept in there? I've done all the usual adult financial things but never considered renting a metal box.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:26 PM
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4: You put them in a metal box with your passport, your birth certificate, $60 in small bills that is supposed to be the start of an "emergency fund," and a cd with pictures of your baby.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:33 PM
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And six pieces of Laffy Taffy. I have no idea how those got there.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:34 PM
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I once entertained the thought of visiting a bank or two in Zurich to price Jason Bourne-style deposit boxes because my midtown Chase box is such a disappointing experience.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:35 PM
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I should say that I didn't get the impression the rentals of the boxes were a hot part of the bank's business. Due to a computer-system change from about two weeks ago, no one at the bank knew how to open a safe deposit box using the new system, and they had to call Tech Support.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:38 PM
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7: Sure, if you're a man who really enjoys his taffy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:38 PM
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8: ably cased.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:40 PM
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Ably Cased would be a good name for a budget line of foundation garments.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:41 PM
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Seriously, do ordinary people do this? I have a metal box at home I put some valuables in and have never given a safe deposit box a second thought. I thought you only did it if you were on the road for a year or something.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:43 PM
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I keep my baby's pictures and my passport in the cloud.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:43 PM
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My gun is my passport. And car title. And baby pictures.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:45 PM
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Play your cards right and you can get your baby pictures just by taping Maury.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:45 PM
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do ordinary people do this?

My dad has one, but he's probably not ordinary. (Apple, tree.)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:46 PM
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Doesn't keeping a passport in a safe deposit box defeat the purpose of a passport? Unless it's like the movies where you keep like 30 passports under different false identities and from different countries.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:46 PM
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(Apple, tree.)

Perishable.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:46 PM
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Depends how often you travel.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:47 PM
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My parents have some bars of silver in a safety deposit box because they received some questionable financial advice when they were young.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:48 PM
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I have one of those insulated metal fire-proof boxes. I don't often manage to put things in it, I admit (a few of the things in it are silly, actually), but ask yourself: if your house burns down, do you really want to have to dig through the remains to find the box? Not really.

So there's that. On the other hand, making a trip to the bank to put things in the safety deposit box seems more unlikely than putting things in the metal box at home.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:50 PM
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20: If your parents aren't too old, they made a killing. If they are older, they've lost a killing and made a slightly larger killing but probably not a large enough killing to account for inflation.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:52 PM
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if your house burns down, do you really want to have to dig through the remains to find the box?

That's why you make your kids eat your valuables. Firefighters'll find 'em for you.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:52 PM
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It worries me that my computer blue-screen crashes fairly predictably when I'm trying to run syncs/backups. I wish I could figure out why. So far, I don't think I've lost anything, but I've come close.

The connection here is bad enough that there's almost always something not in the cloud at any point in time. There's nothing in a safety deposit box.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:53 PM
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Unless it's like the movies where you keep like 30 passports under different false identities and from different countries.

And a pistol, and bricks of dollars, Euros and Swiss francs, and a photograph of a wistful, blue-eyed, nameless blonde/redhead, and a platinum wedding band, and a copy of one of Henry James' travel books with violets and a lily pressed between the chapters, and a lilac ribbon, and a clipping from Nice Matin about a sailboat lost off Corsica, and I've probably said too much.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 4:57 PM
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Who doesn't have a stash of Swiss francs somewhere? But I just keep mine in a desk drawer.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:03 PM
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25: Do they look to see what you are putting in there? I'm thinking of regular banks, not Swiss banks, but it seems better to ask here than to call my local branch and ask if I have to tell them what I put in the vault.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:05 PM
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The OCC answers your questions about safe deposit boxes.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:05 PM
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Well, some of us like a little more romance in our visits to the bank vault.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:06 PM
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27: I was advised I could have a private room if necessary. In hindsight, I should have asked if I could just hang out there for the rest of the day. Oh, and what's the WiFi password? Kthx.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:07 PM
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31

Did you ask if you could keep your key in there? Where else would it be safer?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:08 PM
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27: I've had to ask for a private room before. At least in the US, bank employees don't seem to have watched enough movies.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:08 PM
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32: They've all seen Twilight. You should have tried to be a shirtless, ripped teenager or a perpetually constipated Brit with nice hair.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:11 PM
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31: I did in fact ask that, jokingly. It appeared to thoroughly confuse the banker dude.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:14 PM
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Neither part of 34 surprises me in the least.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:15 PM
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Damn kids. I weep for the spy movies of tomorrow.

"I can't go to the prom with you, Kim--you're a double agent!"

"But James, I love you! And Soviet Russia! I'm so torn!"

[Silent, shirtless flexing while searching for listening devices.]


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:16 PM
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34: I can imagine him thinking, "does that mean we'd have to call tech support every time you came in?"


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:19 PM
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38

I made a poopstain!


Posted by: Pauly Shore | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 5:41 PM
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39

I guess I should have done that, because I lost my car title. Then again, it only costs $18 to replace it.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:08 PM
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Right, is there any document these days that's irreplaceable? Passport, birth cert, titles, deeds, etc. are all recorded in some electronic system somewhere. Aside from the silver bars and movie plots above, is there a good reason to get a box?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:15 PM
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I had a hell of a lot of trouble replacing documents we couldn't find after my mom died. Most she'd put in her own home fire-proof box, so that was fine; I suppose a safety deposit box wouldn't have helped much.

I'm back to my thought in 21, really: off-site storage could be useful depending on your circumstances. I really wouldn't want to dig through the ashes in a home fire.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:23 PM
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42

If you're a collector and concerned that you aren't able to provide adequate security in your house or other storage area, I could see using a bank's box.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:24 PM
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43

You put your weed in there!


Posted by: SNL Skit Shopkeeper | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:27 PM
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44

Valuable family jewelry?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:30 PM
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45

I had a tiny panic because I couldn't remember where the car title was. Then I remembered that we haven't had a car for years.

Disappointingly, King County (Seattle) doesn't give you a piece of paper as title when you pay off your house -- you get a receipt. I dearly hope there's a vast cadastral ledger somewhere getting updated in oak-gall. Probably not.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:44 PM
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Valuable family jewelry?

I just got some family jewelry form my mom and am not quite sure what to do with it. I briefly considered a safe deposit box, but I'm pretty sure none of the jewelry is worth much, and having it in an offsite box would make me even less likely to wear it than I am now. It will probably be the thing that finally pushes me to get renters insurance, which is a good thing.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:47 PM
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47

Renters insurance was my first step into having adult paperwork.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:49 PM
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45.2: There's presumably a Registry of Deeds. Somebody or other should update it when the house is paid off, so it changes from "house owned by bank" to "house owned by you".


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:50 PM
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There should also be an official Letter of Discharge (of the loan/mortgage) from the bank or whoever the holder of the loan/mortgage was.

(I have learned a lot since my mom died! I was clueless.)


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:53 PM
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47: Before taxes? Is renters insurance something that all you adults here have except for me?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:56 PM
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I think we have a safety-deposit box. Or maybe it is all in one of the two "fire-proof" boxes in the house. And some stuff is in my wife's underwear drawer. God knows where the key is if we still have a safety deposit box*. (I don't think anything we own really warrants these measures.)

*Not too long ago we had a simultaneously heartbreaking, infuriating and morbidly humorous incident in my extended family which revolved around a safety deposit box with a missing key and a piece of jewelry (reputedly somewhat valuable) of disputed ownership which was presumably located in the box. I was briefly involved but don't know how it got resolved, or whether a key was made and the box subsequently opened.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 6:57 PM
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40 -- I don't think there are any irreplaceable documents, I agree. It probably doesn't reflect well on me, but I've obtained replacement passports and birth certificates with ease after having lost them. Never lost a car title but as Paren said it's not hard to replace. To 45.2, you probably have to record the release of the lien, so if it wasn't recorded and you don't have the paperwork you're screwed, but that's your fault for not recording, not something a safe deposit box fixes. What am I missing?


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 7:01 PM
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I was with my parents on both occasions when they retrieved their parents' safe deposit boxes after their deaths. Both times they were full of rubbish-- documents that my parents had gotten duplicates of already by that point in dealing with the estates, bags of old coins that weren't worth anything.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 7:07 PM
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50: You have to file taxes if you earn money. I guess I meant first voluntary adult paperwork.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 7:08 PM
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My parents have a truly heartbreaking story about an emergency involving one of their relatives and having to wait until the bank opened on Monday to get their passports so they could travel.


Posted by: YK | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 7:30 PM
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If I had roommates, then I'd have a safety deposit box for my naturalization certificate, maybe some valuables. Not a car title-- an image of that on a hard drive should be enough to replace it.

Hoarding valuables you can touch is popular among the paranoid, but doing just that helped my great-grandfather a lot.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 8:10 PM
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Is renters insurance something that all you adults here have except for me?

I went without it for a long time, but finally signed up a few years ago. It's so painfully cheap it really is a no-brainer.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 8:43 PM
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Re 45.2: whatever the city did seemed perfectly reasonable. I just *wanted* to get a fancy piece of paper, preferably with seals. Perhaps a small fanfare.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 9:02 PM
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40

Right, is there any document these days that's irreplaceable? Passport, birth cert, titles, deeds, etc. are all recorded in some electronic system somewhere. Aside from the silver bars and movie plots above, is there a good reason to get a box?

Stock certificates are expensive to replace (3% of the value seems to be the standard charge). Of course they are becoming obsolete as companies move to book entry. Still boxes are cheap.


Posted by: James B. Shearer | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 9:09 PM
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Speaking of security, I just stumbled onto this blog. Via Boing Boing.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 9:11 PM
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Completely safe for work, BTW.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 9:11 PM
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Blume, if it makes you feel better, I don't have renters insurance. But I kick myself every time I remember I don't.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 9:28 PM
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63

I realized during the run-up to Irene that renter's insurance would probably have been a good idea.

I also have a joint safe deposit box that currently contains, inter alia, my birth certificate and my grandmother's engagement ring (kindly returned by my ex-wife), and should probably get one of my own.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 9:53 PM
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joint safe deposit box

So you *do* put your weed in there!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-30-11 9:58 PM
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Renters insurance is pretty cheap (I had it before I had a home and thus homeowners insurance - hilariously, renter's insurance is just homeowners insurance with the bits about the actual house crossed out), but it wasn't totally obviously a good move - I don't have a lot of valuable *stuff*, so self-insuring via just piling up slightly more cash might have been more rational. The liability coverage might be an independently good idea, I suppose.

Right now my important papers (passport, ham radio license, birth certificate, medical proxy/power of attorney documents, etc.) are just in my file cabinet in a folder marked "Important Papers". It has occurred to me that a fire-resistant box or safety deposit box for papers regarding the home itself might be clever, but it's not very high on the to-do list.

I got one of the newfangled passport cards with my latest passport renewal - it seems like it would be smart to keep it somewhere other than right next to the passport, but I haven't figured out where that is yet.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 6:43 AM
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newfangled passport cards

What are these cards you speak of?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 8:29 AM
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my important papers [...] are just in my file cabinet in a folder marked "Important Papers".

Mine too, but my folder is marked "Proof of Existence."


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 8:36 AM
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67: In terms of epistemology, that might be over-reaching.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 8:46 AM
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http://travel.state.gov/passport/ppt_card/ppt_card_3926.html

A driver's-license-size card that can be used as a passport in limited situations, mostly land crossings into Canada and Mexico. It's intended for people who live near one of those borders, but was only an additional $30 when I was renewing, and my wife's family does in fact live near the Canadian border.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:05 AM
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69: You need a passport to go to Canada and Mexico now? I really need to get out more.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:06 AM
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70: Yes. I believe the card was a response to all the complaints when they first instituted the requirement (ca. 2007).


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:14 AM
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72

What if you just to go Tijuana?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:16 AM
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Stanley, be sure someone else has their name on the box account before you die. Otherwise, those things are a bitch for anyone else to get access to, even if that person is the executor of your estate. Just having the key is not enough. There has to be a court order, etc. etc. A total bitch.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:26 AM
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Lawyers give absurd advice. I'm sure that if he knew what he was going to die, he'd empty the box ahead of time. Plus, what happens to your stuff after you die is somebody else's problem.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:30 AM
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72: No, for that you need a passport and a tetanus shot.


Posted by: Annelid Gustator | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:36 AM
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I'm sure that if he knew what he was going to die, he'd empty the box ahead of time.

You'd think so, but some people apparently want to do other things with their last days of life.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:39 AM
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The sarcasm in 76 was unwarranted. The reason that "I'm sure that if he knew what he was going to die, he'd empty the box ahead of time" is wrong for most people is that they don't realize what a pain getting into the box will be for someone else once they're dead. They don't realize that "here's the key to the bank box" isn't good enough.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:43 AM
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Or they don't mind annoying their heirs.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 9:45 AM
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I actually had the "What happens if I get hit by a bus?" question queued up to ask at the bank, but I totally forgot.

Another question I meant to ask but forgot: what happens if the bank burns down or gets wiped out by Hurricane Katia or whatever? Do I find five dollars?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 10:44 AM
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Another question I meant to ask but forgot: what happens if the bank burns down or gets wiped out by Hurricane Katia or whatever? Do I find five dollars?

The FDIC explains:

Safe Deposit Boxes
The contents of a safe deposit box are not insured by the FDIC. (Make sure you read the contract you signed with the bank when you rented the safe deposit box in the event that some type of insurance is provided; some banks may make a very limited payment if the box or contents are damaged or destroyed, depending on the circumstances.) If you are concerned about the safety, or replacement, of items you have put in a safe deposit box, you may wish to consider purchasing fire and theft insurance. Separate insurance for these perils may be available; consult your insurance agent. Usually such insurance is part of a homeowner's or tenant's insurance policy for a residence and its contents. Again, consult your insurance agent for more information.
In the event of a bank failure, in most cases an acquiring institution would take over the failed bank's offices, including locations with safe deposit boxes. If no acquirer can be found the FDIC would send boxholders instructions for removing the contents of their boxes.

Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 10:53 AM
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Another question I meant to ask but forgot: what happens if the bank burns down or gets wiped out by Hurricane Katia or whatever doesn't get bailed out next time?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 10:54 AM
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This thread has given me a strong desire to go to a bank, open a safety deposit box, and then ask the guy if the bank will top up the ice each morning or if I should come by myself to do it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 10:57 AM
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Thank you urple.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 10:58 AM
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63.2: I also have a joint safe deposit box that currently contains ... my grandmother's engagement ring (kindly returned by my ex-wife)

These are almost pretty much the elements involved in the drama referenced in 51.*, except imagine your part being played by a viable candidate for world's largest asshole.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 11:41 AM
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51: I think we have a safety-deposit box.

Turns out, no we got rid of it a few years back; it's all in the fire-proof boxes unless it's not.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 11:43 AM
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I just talked to my dad, relating the bit about getting the safe deposit box. He commented, "I guess you could have put all that stuff in our box, but I might leave the country with it at some point."

So apparently my dad's Jason Bourne. Or at least he's making up new euphemisms for shuffling off.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 11:49 AM
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It must make you feel unbelievably old when your kids want a safe deposit.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 12:01 PM
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The Dwarf Lord & I keep a lot of these papers in a go-bag, along with other lightweight disaster stuff. Katrina didn't just happen to banks.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:24 PM
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This thread has given me weird survivalist thoughts.

I'm now half-seriously thinking I should keep an "on the lam" kit, a metal box buried or kept somewhere with a gun, $1000 cash, a few pieces of jewelry for easy sale, water, beef jerky, maybe a xerox of my passport, or, preferably a fake one, pictures of my kid, survival knife, hiking boots. What else? Can you buy an open-ended dateless airline ticket (i.e., one way ticket to Brazil, good for use in the next 10 years)?

I 100% honestly think keeping something like that would make me feel more secure. There are no on-the-lam producing events in the near future, mind, but it would be nice to keep it as an option. More comforting than putting my car title in a box at the bank.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:37 PM
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89: Why not just put a few gallons of water, some bandages, and a can of beans into a closet and call it your earthquake preparation kit.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:39 PM
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What else?

Matches. Or some other way of making fire.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:40 PM
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92

Oh, I already have that. But there's something comforting about the idea of keeping an escape kit ready.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:41 PM
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92 to 90. 91 makes good sense.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:41 PM
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Can you buy an open-ended dateless airline ticket...

Maybe you just need a boat and to keep it stocked. Then just keep the gun at your house so you can get to the boat.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:42 PM
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95

This reminds me that I meant to check the smoke detector batteries.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:44 PM
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96

Bullets, cigarettes, candy and condoms. Small and universal trade items for the post-apocalypse.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:44 PM
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95: If you think to do it every time you spring forward and fall back, you'll never be late to work on the Monday morning after your house burns down.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:45 PM
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98

Condoms have an expiration date.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:48 PM
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Can you buy an open-ended dateless airline ticket (

I believe they sell this sort of ticket to Israel, redeemable upon Rapture.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 1:51 PM
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You could also try to obtain some bearer bonds, Halford.


Posted by: Annelid Gustator | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 2:43 PM
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98: OK, you have to have a refresh schedule for parts of the cache.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 2:47 PM
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redeemable upon Rapture

Too bad the airlines won't make it.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 2:56 PM
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Condoms have an expiration date.

But after the apocalypse it will probably be take what you can get.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:11 PM
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104

"Goat's kin?! That's definitely not what I thought you said."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:26 PM
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102: I feel confident that United will be unaffected.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:28 PM
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104: Arma-what-o?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:38 PM
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Few things are as depressing as throwing away condoms that are past their expiration date.


Posted by: Woodrow Wilson | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:43 PM
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107: I do this about once a year, saying goodbye all the while to my lost youth.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:44 PM
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107: Counterpoint: throwing them out gleefully because you are now in a monogamous relationship featuring an alternative contraception method.


Posted by: Franklin D. Roosevelt | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:57 PM
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107: I always find throwing away expired cheese to be very depressing. Probably similar experiences, at least partially because you're pretty sure nothing too bad will happen if you ignore the date but you just can't take that chance.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 3:59 PM
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109: Contracounterpoint: throwing them out mournfully because you are now in a monogamous relationship that has turned sexless.


Posted by: Woodrow Wilson | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:00 PM
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I'm not sure these comments really require presidentiality, guys.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:01 PM
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That he went presidential, though, suggests Woodrow is talking about his current state. My sympathies, Mr. President.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:04 PM
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Contra-contracounterpoint: Throwing them out blissfully because your armadillo tested clean.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:07 PM
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Countercontra-contracounterpoint: throwing them out mournfully because you lost your cock to leprosy.


Posted by: Woodrow Wilson | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:12 PM
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Pro-countercontra-contracounterpoint: throwing them out because you're a wildlife officer and finding a human penis in an armadillo has put you off sex forever.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:16 PM
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That he went presidential, though, suggests Woodrow is talking about his current state. My sympathies, Mr. President.

Fair enough, and I offer my sympathies as well.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:19 PM
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Thing I just learned about armadillos from wikipedia:

The Aztec called them azotochtli, Nahuatl for "turtle-rabbit."

Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:32 PM
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My problem was that I bought a box of them at Costco. It seemed like such a good deal.
I currently have a dozen eggs approaching their expiration date, at which point I will hard boil them all, so it is not sad at all.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:52 PM
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I was amused on my recent, first-ever visit to Costco to learn that they sell caskets.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 4:59 PM
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Only in select stores, but you can also buy them online.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 5:03 PM
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121: but make sure to leave plenty of time for delivery.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 5:06 PM
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If the coffin comes in a box, that's practically a second coffin right there.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 5:28 PM
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110: what? I hate to pull an urple, but unless you have actual reason to believe the cheese is bad you really can hold on to it.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 5:59 PM
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I currently have a dozen eggs approaching their expiration date

at which point I will hard boil them all, so it is not sad at all.

Not where I thought this sentence was going, after the first part was about condoms.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 6:26 PM
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89: There are no on-the-lam producing events in the near future

2012, man. 2012 Have the Mayans taught you nothing?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 6:27 PM
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Actually the first part was about armadillos, they're very cheap at Costco.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 6:31 PM
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127: They know a thing or two about how to arm a dealo.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-31-11 6:49 PM
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