I feel sure my friend has ever done anything as unsavory as that implies.
I think 'ever' should be 'never', right? Anyways, if the guy was SF or something in AfPak then I'm sure he killed some people, like most combat types and I figure we can leave it at that. Maybe a big deal politically, but not a big deal personally unless he's doing something bad right now.
That seems like it should be sufficient.
More than sufficient. Unless you think the guy's seriously off, it's probably overkill. I get the sense you are overthinking and thus overfretting this.
It's just ritualistic behavior that makes them feel they won't get shot.
Makes them feel they're *secure*. People who lived through the Depression had similar habits (I knew a guy who saved everything, including the styrofoam from packaged meat.) I hate people walking immediately behind me, scan trees and crowds, always keep mental track of where my disaster gear is, and so on. Annoying or weird to uh, 'normal' people, but not a big deal.
I fucked up didn't I? Fuck.
Doubt it. From the sound of the other thread, I gather he had a booze issue, which is classic PTSD type stuff, and the fact of the matter is that most people who endure long periods in extreme conditions develop the disorder, and they almost invariably take to drinking heavily when the extreme situation ends. When they're dried out, it's not a big deal, unless they had additional problems to begin with.
So you've known the guy for five years, no signs of problems that I heard, except he had a crush of some sort. Unless he's the type who won't take no for an answer (and I seriously doubt that given that you've been in contact with him as long as you have - he'd have done something), it's OK.
Well, unless you're the type (or in the situation) to say 'yes' which, honestly, sounds like the actual issue here.
max
['Don't Panic.']
ouch. that's gonna leave a mark.
let me put it this way: my other friends who know both of us think it's a bad situation for me to be in alone.
and yes, corrected to "never," thanks.
There's bad and then there's bad. I'm not seeing any reason to think that the client's clients' line of work has anything to do with his interaction with you. He's known you for years, and understands your situation. No reason to think his falling in love with you (again?) would actually have negative consequences.
5: The consequences for him of falling for a married woman are pretty negative. Love sucks balls when you can't be with the person you care about, and not in a good actual ball-sucking way.
5
... He's known you for years, and understands your situation. No reason to think his falling in love with you (again?) would actually have negative consequences
But what is her situation? Bored married woman looking for a little excitement?
This whole thing is obviously unwise if she really isn't interested in playing with fire.
If he has backed off before, why are you worried now?
Now would be a good time to very clearly say "I am not going to be having sex with you."
Then, do not do anything that would imply otherwise to him. (I know that sounds like "avoid rape by not wearing short skirts and walking alone" but still.)
8: This sounds ill-advised to me. "I am not going to be having sex with you," in the absence of an obvious pass from him, necessarily implies "I have thought about having sex with you as a possibility," and may come off as more encouraging than if you appeared to never even have considered the idea. I'd just stay chaperoned as much as possible, and if practical arrange for him to be in the same room as Husband X and or your kids when you can.
9:
I am guessing that multiple obvious passes have been made. He has probably clearly indicated his desire to have sex with her.
I am not a fan of anything but super-transparency.
bringing it up at all would be needlessly awkward. I think I'm worrying unnecessarily, as max suggests. it's just that I had a certain picture of him in my mind as a person who had gotten his shit together and was behaving really ethically in general. he fucking converted to buddhism at a tibetan temple here and became a vegetarian and had his head shaved by a monk.
and then it seems like, no, ha ha, cartoonish evil. wft? I felt unpleasantly surprised and then thought, how wrong am I about him generally? because people can behave unethically in some areas of life while being fine in others, but then you think some things would just eat away at the other values corrosively. hard to describe why I think he has the capacity at the moment to really fall in love with me for real, which would be miserable for him, right? I mean, that's why I was avoiding him in the past. just...getting a bad vibe, that's all. but it's a job, and I can do it well, and he'll get back from afghanistan to a great new house and we'll all be happy, right?
I got him some kick-ass furniture today at a great price from one of my secret sources. this place is going to look bitching. and then it occurs to me he's doing it partly just to make his wife jealous; that's not about me at all, except as a prop.
I see a business venture:
I get them divorced. JRoth helps them build a new house to make the ex jealous. Alameida decorates it to make the ex jealous.
I'm actually thinking a little, fold-up, laminated sign that says "I am not going to have sex with you" would be a useful item to have in general.
13:
All faculty members should carry it when they are in the gym shower.
13: wear it round your neck or pinned to your clothing at all times like an ID badge. In the bar, late at night, catch the eye of the object of desire, pause, maintain eye contact, and slowly and deliberately fold up the sign and put it into your pocket.
a little, fold-up, laminated sign that says "I am not going to have sex with you"
Would make a nice T-shirt. Or, for maximum effectiveness, a forehead tattoo.
16.2: I'm going to stick with POOR IMPULSE CONTROL.
17: I guess I better buy one. durrr. to be fair, I don't think I ever suggested to anyone that I had good impulse control.
If you have never kissed another boy since you started dating Hubby, then you must have good impulse control about some issues.
16-17: nearly all tattoos say that, regardless of the text or art.
I don't think I ever suggested to anyone that I had good impulse control.
You mentioned your perfect fidelity to your husband.
If you're wondering about how to say no without suggesting interest, you might mention your kids a lot, and also what a relief it is to have a family life that offers a perfectly integrated identity because you hate lying.
20: yes, in this area of life I have had my shit together for some time. 15 years! I always cheated on all my previous boyfriends, but was able to stop it dead when I knew what I wanted. it is trivially easy to get boys to make the first move, and almost equally easy to prevent them from doing so by strategic emotional and physical withdrawal.
quitting heroin and alcohol involves a certain amount of impulse control as well.
From Iain M. Banks, The Algebraist:
"The Sceuri took great pride in having become a technological, space-faring species, given the obstacles they'd had to overcome. A classic water-world environment had almost no easily available metals. Any metal-bearing ores that a water-world possessed tended to be locked away under all that ice, deep in the planet's inaccessible rocky core. Water-worlders had to do what they could with what fell from the sky in the shape of meteorites [...] To get into space in the face of such a paucity of readily available raw materials was not easy, and the Sceuri regarded themselves as deserving considerable recognition and respect for such a triumph of intellect over scarcity. Accomplishing the same feat when you came from a rock-surface planet was a relatively trivial, expectable, even dismissible trick. The Sceuri called people from such planets Squanderers as a result, though not usually to their face or other appropriate feature."
read the slate article linked in 23, it's interesting. you'll see what I thought he was doing.
So basically we conclude that you have awesome impulse control.
27 was supposed to be in the other thread, but it has a certain poignancy here.
well, naturally their development sucesses are less impressive when you consider their easy access to rocks.
Obviously, it's possible to lie about the lying, though self-defeating to lie about kids.
the aid workers development, I see that isn't clear.
I read 27 before the Slate article in 23, so when I read the article I was definitely thinking "F-ing Squanderers! If they'd put even the smallest amount of brainpower into it, they'd've been able to irrigate all of that land for, like, 100 bucks, tops."
Wetworks would've been a great name for an early 80's techno band.
Has this post been heavily redacted? Because I can't make a lick of sense out of it.
Have you read the post which it clarifies?
No I had not. I want to say Unfogged is entering its late, decadent stage when I have to dig through the archives just to decode the plain meaning of a front page post. But who am I kidding? It has always been thus.