Re: Intimacy

1

Heebie-geebie!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 8:35 AM
horizontal rule
2

I miss you!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 8:38 AM
horizontal rule
3

Which part is hard to say? "I missed you" or "It's so good to see you"? I'm guessing the first.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 8:45 AM
horizontal rule
4

What I'm continuing to find more complicated than I used to is knowing which friends are handshake friends, which are hug, which are self-mocking fist bump, which are kiss on one cheek, which are put our faces side by side. I am good with all of those things, but I have to know where we stand!!

But as to the OP, I feel like I would have an easy time saying that to anyone toward whom I honestly felt it. Is it really that intimate?


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 8:52 AM
horizontal rule
5

But as to the OP, I feel like I would have an easy time saying that to anyone toward whom I honestly felt it. Is it really that intimate?

I would take it to mean that you're pretty comfortable expressing intimacy.

I'd find it easy to say to most close friends, but I'd find it hard to say to my brothers, for example. As in, I'd say it, but I'd have to mentally gear myself up a little bit because I know they're going to react awkwardly or ignore it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 8:57 AM
horizontal rule
6

3: Right.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 8:58 AM
horizontal rule
7

I feel like I say it a lot to friends and family, along with I love yous. But I'm agreeing with Heebie about the intimacy thing because saying those things always makes me think the post-UNG therapy was really a big success (in the "look how far I've come" not "look how stable I am" sense).


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:08 AM
horizontal rule
8

Recently, a photo went up on FB from a gig I had played. It shows an ebullient post-gig hug between me and the guitarist (who's also my best friend), and it's a pretty great moment, captured.

Your post made me think, though: I can't imagine hugging my brother (or father or any male relative) like that, which is sort of sad.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:14 AM
horizontal rule
9

||

I got my first student loan bill yesterday, for $0.00. I assume it's because of the new administrative contractor the direct-loan people brought on; my deferment doesn't even end until next month. Hopefully I won't get an angry letter demanding I send them my past due balance.

|>


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:28 AM
horizontal rule
10

Oh hm yeah family is different. I can mutter "good to see you" but it's hard to be convincingly warm. (And they're really nice. It's just...they're my family.)


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:34 AM
horizontal rule
11

Aside from family and romantic relationships, I'm not very physically intimate at all. Sometimes it bugs me - there have been a few people I wasn't close enough with emotionally to hug, but I admit that's partly because they were women I was attracted to - but on the whole, meh. I shake the hands of acquaintances, but I'm most likely to just wave to friends.

I think the last time I hugged a guy I wasn't related to was when a former roommate moved across the country.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:45 AM
horizontal rule
12

There were no huggers among my family and friends in my youth. Now everybody - including many of my male friends from that era - expects hugs. I've made the adjustment, but it was a struggle.

Likewise "I love yous." I'm pretty sure I ever heard that from either of my parents until I was, say, 20 years old or so - but I've made the adjustment there, too.

I routinely annoy my kids with unwanted hugs. I suppose I should work on the "I love you" thing, too.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:45 AM
horizontal rule
13

ever s/b never.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:46 AM
horizontal rule
14

Does this count as saying "I love you" to your children?

Me: Caroline, if you don't do your homework, you don't get computer time.

Caroline: WHY DO YOU HATE ME!?

Me: I don't hate you. I love you. I just want you to do your homework.

Caroline: YOU LOVE JOEY BETTER!!

Me: We love you both the same, and we want you both to do your homework.

Caroline: NO YOU HATE ME!

Me: Ugh, I give up.

And then the same conversation is repeated with Molly.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 10:01 AM
horizontal rule
15

Shouldn't Molly be capable of deciding on her own whether to do her homework?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 10:02 AM
horizontal rule
16

I walked right into that one.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 10:09 AM
horizontal rule
17

9: ACS sucks. THe redo of the website is a total clusterfuck. I've been having trouble making sure that my automated payment gets processed, so I double paid and now they may not bill me until December which is not what I want.


Posted by: BG | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 12:01 PM
horizontal rule
18

I hate being touched. I have to force myself not to wince when people tap me on the arm as a demonstration of camaraderie. My husband says it's because I'm from New England and Yankees are cold-hearted people.


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 12:07 PM
horizontal rule
19

It's not that I mind being touched, exactly, as that it always feels awkward outside of close family -- mostly, if I wouldn't sit snuggling with you on a couch, I don't really feel natural hugging you.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 12:17 PM
horizontal rule
20

I have to say that the bro hugs have gotten pretty out of control. Now if I meet a guy like 3 times in a nonwork setting he's going in for the bro hug at the end of dinner.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 12:26 PM
horizontal rule
21

I should say that I don't mind the bro hug, really, at all. It's good that people are connecting -- why not go for it. But quite a change from my youth and I'm not at all old. By the time I'm 55 I'll be triple cheek kissing random male acquaintances.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 12:30 PM
horizontal rule
22

Funny, I don't have such a hard time *saying* "I miss you," but it does seem very intimate when I hear it.

I had some friends with whom I had a very painful falling out, which required a severing of ties to move on from. That moving-on took much longer than it might have otherwise, because they kept saying "we miss you" which reliably reeled me back into the relationship, even though I knew it needed to end. But it seemed so awful not to answer a "we miss you" with some offering of myself to soothe the missing.

On the dumpee side of the equation, I am now friends with an ex-boyfriend (something I haven't been able to pull off very often) who still sometimes rattles me by saying "I miss you" if we haven't gotten together in a while. It seems like such a boyfriend thing to say, rather than a friend-friend thing to say, that I get momentarily confused about the status of the relationship even years after the break.


Posted by: piminnowcheez | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 1:00 PM
horizontal rule
23

I absolutely love touching -- hugs, the cheek kissing, etc. But I've been told I give off a "don't touch" vibe. Possibly because when I contemplate hugging a person, an interior dialogue is triggered in which I debate with myself whether going for the hug will seem weird, will I be judged, will I be rejected... And then the other person slowly backs away and the hug opportunity passes.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 1:22 PM
horizontal rule
24

Yeah, it is so strange to me that my dad is clearly uncomfortable with hugging me or my brother.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 2:46 PM
horizontal rule
25

OT (though this thread seems to be dead):

What does the mineshaft make of this? My cow-orker is occasionally moved to buy for my housemate some kind of morning pastry thing -- this kind of thing -- or a loaf of bread or two, from one of those bakery factory warehouses (attached to the bakery itself): these are marked down to 1/2 or less of the retail grocery store price, as they're bought direct. A bargain.

My housemate does have a real soft spot for that kind of pastry (I don't myself), and favors that kind of bread. Cow-orker and housemate know one another -- we've all had dinner together a handful of times -- so this isn't completely bizarre. Kind of thoughtful, it seems.

Cow-orker produced another danish for the housemate today, and announced to me that he was owed $10 for this and previous danishes and loaves of bread, for which he'd never been paid.

Hm. So I explain to my housemate this evening that he owes cow-orker $10. Housemate snorts: oh for god's sake, okay fine, and tell him I don't need any more danishes, thanks, and he can stop buying things I didn't ask for that he wants me to pay him for.

How uncomfortable. I certainly don't like being in the middle of this, and am trying to frame my explanation to cow-orker: "Here's $10, and housemate says he'll pass on future ... gifts. Why? Uh."

It is pretty weird to voluntarily buy something for someone and then expect reimbursement, no? Or, and yet, these are bought because cow-orker knows housemate likes that stuff (he does) and it's quite cheap.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 5:41 PM
horizontal rule
26

That is indeed bizarre. At the beginning of the story, I was guessing coworker had a crush on housemate. The demand for payment... I suppose coworker could have gotten rejected and demanded payment out of bitterness at that. But short of imagining some elaborate backstory, your coworker seems a little nuts.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:00 PM
horizontal rule
27

I suppose coworker could have gotten rejected and demanded payment out of bitterness at that.

There's something to that. On the face of it, they like one another well enough, but not really.

This seems weirdly passive-aggressive on my coworker's part. Yet from his perspective, he thought he'd be reimbursed (I guess -- there was the time he bought like 3 loaves of bread at $2 each for the housemate, after asking me to check whether that would be desired, and the answer was yes). So okay, I'd forgotten about that. The danishes are a different matter. It's weird.

It reminds me of a friend -- a different housemate from years ago, in another state -- who would drink your last beer in the fridge, you'd castigate him, and the next day he'd buy a whole six-pack to make up for it. But the six-pack would be of a type of beer a grade up from the one he'd drank (drunk?), and he'd tell you that he wanted you to pay him for the other 5 beers, at the upgraded price. Stop that! Don't buy things "for me" that I didn't ask for and want me to pay you for them!

It's passive-aggressive, right?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:15 PM
horizontal rule
28

That's just fucked-up.

As I don't like discussing feelings either, I'll add that I ran 5.1 miles just now. I think I can run a 10k next time I see one to sign-up for.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:20 PM
horizontal rule
29

Moby, isn't it going to snow tomorrow in your area? Is here, apparently, for the first time this early in the season in a century.

We've picked the last of the green tomatoes.

On the other matter, I think the coworker is weirdly trying to drive a wedge between me and my housemate. I'm doing my best not to be intensely irritated, and will shut down the behavior.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:31 PM
horizontal rule
30

Yeah, it is weird.

We have a new flatmate, who is a total fucking disaster. It is exam time here, and she got totally hammered the other night. I had an exam the next morning, another flatmate had an essay due the next day, and another flatmate is stressing like mad over the Honours program. And she was making crazy amounts of noise until one in the morning, and throwing food around the kitchen and ate a bunch of someone's stash of chocolates and managed to get weird pink spray-on hair colouration stuff on the walls, and some of it won't come off and argh. And she fucking scratched the floor moving in, after years of careful attention to avoid exactly that.

And she hasn't apologised, and is now all unhappy that we are still unhappy.


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:33 PM
horizontal rule
31

Moby, isn't it going to snow tomorrow in your area?

It might. I'm guessing rain only in town. Snow will probably hit in the hills to the north, but nobody lives there.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:34 PM
horizontal rule
32

30: Buy her a danish and say she owes you $450 or she has to move.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:36 PM
horizontal rule
33

Hah! It's pretty fucking tempting. (She's only subletting over summer, so we didn't bother making her pay a bond. This would appear to have been A Mistake.)


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:39 PM
horizontal rule
34

30: Had a housemate like that myself once. Not so much with the getting hammered, but putting a huge gouge in the wall when moving in and not seeming inclined to repair it, leaving other huge mars in her bedroom -- which she did repair so ineptly that it might as well not have been done.

She was charming in her way, but that sweater of mine that she liked so much, that I let her borrow that one time? Never saw it again after she'd moved out. That is just *not cool*.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:45 PM
horizontal rule
35

I had a housemate who put his head through the plaster once. It was the kind of house where nobody much minded. He also vomited when we cleaned the refrigerator, but that wasn't his fault. I had trouble holding it in myself.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:48 PM
horizontal rule
36

It is one of those annoying things where it would be fine, if we were all ok with it, but we really aren't. And there's no nice way to say: you are acting like a toddler, grow up. So instead we all just avoid talking to her, which doesn't help at all. It is very not-good.


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:57 PM
horizontal rule
37

21: By the time I'm 55 I'll be triple cheek kissing random male acquaintances.

Um, you live in LA, right? What's the problem?

Is this a little weird? I've been at my new job for about 6 months. We had a board meeting this week. One of the board members, whom I've only seen maybe 5 times outside of the board meeting context, was back from a trip to Europe to visit her kids & grandkid. So when she came in, I said "welcome back!", warmly. I was already sitting down, so she came over to me and hugged me and kissed the top of my head. And she's totally the kind of person you could spot coming a mile away as far as gratuitous displays of affection to professional contacts goes, but still. Hmm.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:58 PM
horizontal rule
38

How soon until she moves out?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 6:58 PM
horizontal rule
39

35: I leaned against a wall in an apartment once, not hard or anything, just to stabilize myself while rising from my futon, and my hand went right through it, as there had been a very well-done patch applied to the drywall at that exact spot. It was quite startling at the time, but I seem to have mostly gotten over it at this point in my life.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:00 PM
horizontal rule
40

He put his head through while drunk.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:04 PM
horizontal rule
41

End of summer, which means end of February probably? it is all a bit hazy. And most of us are going away over christmas/new year's. Which is good, cause it means it isn't too big a deal, but also bad, cause it means no one will bother to say anything.

(It really doesn't help she's a friend of one of the flatmates (not the ones mentioned above) and so it is very socially awkward.

We once put a small, soft ball, like a ping-pong ball but squishy, through the dry wall. It was surprisingly easy to fix, although I think that was mostly down to the dim lighting.


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:09 PM
horizontal rule
42

Yeah, I gathered that. I may have done some punching and kicking through walls last year on the last day at my job's old space, when we were all drunk and maudlin. But probably not as I am WAY TOO RESPONSIBLE to do that kind of juvenile mischief.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:10 PM
horizontal rule
43

37: I dunno. Sounds like she just wanted to hug and kiss you, but you were sitting down, so she went for the top of the head kiss. Um. Maybe leap up next time so she's headed off at the pass on that one.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:12 PM
horizontal rule
44

To the OP: Last year I was riding the bus home, and there was a woman, maybe in her 50s, and a man, maybe in his 30s, who sorta looked like they might be mother and son. And she was stroking his head lightly in this very gentle and poignant way, so that even though the gesture was a very minor one, it conveyed her love for him extraordinarily strongly in a way that I'm just not used to seeing in public or on the bus. It was much more intimate than seeing some teenagers snogging or whatever.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:15 PM
horizontal rule
45

43: Yeah, I mean, it wasn't creepy or anything. She's just one of those very effusive, tuned-in-to-her-emotions type of people, and I think the fact that I'm ages with her children probably puts me in some kind of extra-special PDA category for her. She's super-nice, and she's also been really effective at soliciting big donations from rich folx recently, so that's cool.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:18 PM
horizontal rule
46

cause it means no one will bother to say anything.

Is there a reason to say anything? As long as she doesn't do it again. Otherwise just wait it out and then she'll be gone. Sounds like a 'make it go away' situation to me (much like the weird coworker and housemate danish situation upthread, which I don't want to troubleshoot as much as I just want it to go away).


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:18 PM
horizontal rule
47

Is there a reason to say anything? As long as she doesn't do it again. Otherwise just wait it out and then she'll be gone. Sounds like a 'make it go away' situation to me (much like the weird coworker and housemate danish situation upthread, which I don't want to troubleshoot as much as I just want it to go away).

Yeah, it is a go-away-please-i-don't-want-to-deal-with-this thing. Which is ok, but grah.


Posted by: Keir | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:33 PM
horizontal rule
48

47: Yeah. If nothing else, you kind of frown over your procedure for selecting flatmates, and decide that you fucked up on that one, but who knew. Thankfully it's shortish-term.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:41 PM
horizontal rule
49

Gray.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:41 PM
horizontal rule
50

That comment would have been about a hundred billion times better if not for autocorrect.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:41 PM
horizontal rule
51

That comment would have been about a hundred billion times better if not for autocorrect.
Let me guess. You were trying to type "ASSHAWK".


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:43 PM
horizontal rule
52

Im a hugger. I don't alway remember that people can be anti-touchers like Lizspigot. Hugging/touching hands/arms isn't really something I think about doing. It just happens!


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:44 PM
horizontal rule
53

Im a hugger. I don't alway remember that people can be anti-touchers like Lizspigot. Hugging/touching hands/arms isn't really something I think about doing. It just happens!


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:44 PM
horizontal rule
54

51: often. Always?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:51 PM
horizontal rule
55

52: There's no subway where you live, is there?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 7:58 PM
horizontal rule
56

Hey! We're the World Champions!
And yet I still feel unfulfilled.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 8:29 PM
horizontal rule
57

Maybe it's because there's only one team in the league outside the United States. World Champion would mean so much more with a world league.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 10-28-11 9:48 PM
horizontal rule
58

Speaking of world champions, y'all followed the proper world championships baseball earlier this month?

47: For me warning bells would go off immediately when somebody who has just moved in has caused so much trouble already. I'd think it would get worse if nobody deals with it.


Posted by: Martin Wisse | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 2:30 AM
horizontal rule
59

56:Eggplant's on the Cardinals? Cool.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:40 AM
horizontal rule
60

It is snowing. Make fire a fun kiddie soccer game.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:32 AM
horizontal rule
61

Fire warm Moby. Moby no verb when cold.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:03 AM
horizontal rule
62

There were verbs.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:12 AM
horizontal rule
63

Stupid phone.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:17 AM
horizontal rule
64

Fire is not a game.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:46 AM
horizontal rule
65

62: I read it is a dramatic narrative of an increasingly cold Moby.

"It is snowing", I said matter-of-factly as we left for the soccer game.
"Make fire", I pleaded at halftime.
"A fun kiddie soccer game", I said to my son through chattering teeth as we slogged back to the car.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 9:01 AM
horizontal rule
66

Speaking of world champions, y'all followed the proper world championships baseball earlier this month?

In North America we find it culturally odd to follow championship tournaments that don't feature any of the best five hundred or so players in the world. For example, our own soccer league. Not the best? Well, screw that.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 9:20 AM
horizontal rule
67

I had to shovel snow from artificial turf.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 9:49 AM
horizontal rule
68

It isn't snowing here yet, but it looks like it will be in time to cancel my travel plans for tomorrow.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 10:19 AM
horizontal rule
69

¡Uno!


Posted by: Pauly Shore | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 10:22 AM
horizontal rule
70

¡Dos!


Posted by: Pauly Shore | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 10:32 AM
horizontal rule
71

¡Tres!


Posted by: Pauly Shore | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 11:22 AM
horizontal rule
72

¡Cuatro!


Posted by: Pauly Shore | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 11:23 AM
horizontal rule
73

(That's all I got so far.)


Posted by: Pauly Shore | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 11:25 AM
horizontal rule
74

||

He lay back at full stretch over the sharp rocks, cramming the scribbled note and pencil into a pock his hat. His hat down on his eyes. That is Kevin Egan's movement I made, nodding for his nap, sabbath sleep. Et vidit Deus. Et erant valde bona. Alo! Bonjour. Welcome as the flowers in May. Under its leaf he watched through peacocktwittering lashes the southing sun. I am caught in this burning scene. Pan's hour, the faunal noon. Among gumheavy serpentplants, milkoozing fruits, where on the tawny waters leaves lie wide. Pain is far.

And no more turn aside and brood.

So much already lost in this cut-and-paste. Is there HTML for centering the last line?

Reading Noel Carroll on essentialism in the analysis of mediums (sic ?, sculpture, painting, etc) and remembering my horror, almost profound terror equivalent to entering a living room and meeting a Stepford wife and the husband smiling and asking me isn't she just beautiful, on first hearing an audio rendering (multiple meanings intended) of Ulysses I ask:

Are audiobooks abominations in the sight of the Lord?

I once had a discussion with an art dealer (vested interest) on how much information was lost or changed between a physical painting and a jpg or tiff or print of same and he accepted my metaphor of translation between languages but secretly I didn't like it.

I have a ton of fucking problems with representation, with even what the fuck words actually are, what they do.

This isn't a pipe either, nor a quote, and possibly not even an allusion.

|>


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 2:44 PM
horizontal rule
75

||

Oh, in case you don't get the purpose of the excerpt, and I could have chosen any random passage:


full stretch
cramming...scribbled
nodding...nap
sabbath sleep

contain intended (?) visual (sculptural?) effects (?), a rhythm of tall and short letters

|>


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 2:53 PM
horizontal rule
76

|>

Oh I forgot.

The visual (?) rhythms in the text occur, in three different ways, in Proteus, Circe, and Ithaca, and depict (?) waves on the beach.

|>


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 3:08 PM
horizontal rule
77

Burp!


Posted by: Pauly Shore | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 4:02 PM
horizontal rule
78

Wow. A couple of evocative photos from my brother of the snow in central Mass., as of a couple of hours ago.

Also added to the flickr pool.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 4:17 PM
horizontal rule
79

We got less than an inch and it is mostly melted already.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 4:44 PM
horizontal rule
80

||

What could be more tasteful than a hobo wedding? How about attorneys at a law firm specializing in foreclosing on houses dressing up as recently evicted homeless people for their Halloween party?

|>


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 4:46 PM
horizontal rule
81

Technically, the lawyers are still probably part of the 99%.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 4:49 PM
horizontal rule
82

79: Indeed. Same here.

So it turns out you can't see stats on your flickr account unless you pay for a pro account now? Hmph.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 4:49 PM
horizontal rule
83

It is just the most disgusting weather imaginable in NYC. Big wet globs of snow that don't quite pile up but aren't liquid enough to just go down the sewage drains, windy, right around 35 degrees. I had plans in midtown but my train isn't running so I turned around, came home, started drinking, ordered Thai, and put on Top Hat. See you in March, outside world!


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:24 PM
horizontal rule
84

Parsi, thx for sharing. Those are lovely.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:28 PM
horizontal rule
85

83: March? Won't the weather then still be just as you describe it now? I often wonder why anyone lives outside of California.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:35 PM
horizontal rule
86

Because the students are more polite and attentive.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:38 PM
horizontal rule
87

83: My photos in 78 were intended in part to remind you (me, us) how beautiful it can be in its way. Except for the most disgusting weather ever part -- what you describe is roughly what it's like here in the mid-Atlantic as well. I came home an hour early to find myself alternately yawning for some reason, and then sneezing.

It felt nice in its way (I'm from New England). Something to do with suddenly wearing hat and gloves while doing errands in wind and slush at dusk. Don't ask me to explain.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:44 PM
horizontal rule
88

86: heh.

Seriously, I grew up in Boston, Philadelphia, Washington, DC, and then Cleveland. I went to college in Madison, Wisconsin, graduated (or so the mullahs would have you believe), and then lived for a couple of years in Vancouver, BC. Then it was off to Providence, RI for graduate school (though I lived in New Orleans for half of those 5.5 years), before moving for work to Oklahoma and then Colorado. Now we're here, and the idea that people subject themselves to real winter weather makes no sense to me. None at all. I mean, sure, I know, I know: you like the seasons. Whatever. We have seasons. We just keep them in appropriate places: summer is in San Diego, winter is in Tahoe, spring and fall are always in San Francisco, etc. It's a pretty good system, I think.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:46 PM
horizontal rule
89

Because of the bitter cold and the unspeakable heat of August, I appreciate nice days on a deeper level than you.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:47 PM
horizontal rule
90

But Davis is miserably, miserably hot for a large part of the year.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:48 PM
horizontal rule
91

VW: but the roadshow brings them all to us in the rest of the country. No need to drive or fly. And not everyone can even afford those trips... even in Davis.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:50 PM
horizontal rule
92

Anyway, I was raised on the plains. Pittsburgh has nice weather, comparatively.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:50 PM
horizontal rule
93

Our yard has been brutalized by this storm. We've got a half-dozen major-sized branches down. So far, they've hit nothing important, but man-oh-man. We came through the hurricane better than this.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:51 PM
horizontal rule
94

Seasons? I don't like the seasons. Fuck seasons heartily with a fucksaw, say I. What keeps me in New York is one of those questions I devote some time and irritation to. Aside from the practicalities (job, apartment, boyfriend) I find more people on my wavelength in New York than a lot of other places I've lived and there's cultural stuff I value--the real reason I moved here--and I like the public transit and the train-connectedness of the northeast.

Anyway when I think I'd rather do anything than go through another northeastern winter, I have to think about where I'd move, and there aren't that many places I'd want to live, weather notwithstanding. The answer that always comes up is Austin and even that has its issues....


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 5:55 PM
horizontal rule
95

93: pf, I'm not clear on what area of the US you live in. East coast somewhere, I take it.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:06 PM
horizontal rule
96

87: I grok the snow, cold weather clothing, and doing stuff at dusk thing. Love it, miss it, haven't done it in 16 years.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:09 PM
horizontal rule
97

I'm flying to the midwest for one reason or another in 5 of the next 7 weeks, so I kind of want this storm to cancel my trip so I can cross one of those off the list. Although I'd probably have to reschedule it for sometime soon anyway.

So far it hasn't been bad here.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:10 PM
horizontal rule
98

96: Me also. I just walked to the liquor store and the box wine tastes better when carried through a chill evening.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:10 PM
horizontal rule
99

VW, I've heard rumors that some of us are just destined by our astrological signs, man, to find ourselves in accord with some geographical regions over others.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:11 PM
horizontal rule
100

Or wait, 4 of the next 6? 5 of the next 9? I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:12 PM
horizontal rule
101

90: that's really not true at all. We typically have ten to fifteen unbearable days per summer (otherwise it's quite hot during the day but in the high 50s at night -- thank you Delta breeze!) and approximately the same number of truly shitty days (very rainy or very cold or very foggy or some combination of the three) in the winter, which starts in mid December and ends in early February.

94: relating to people is hugely overrated. At least once one has kids.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:12 PM
horizontal rule
102

The average high there is 90-ish or higher four months a year, which counts as miserably hot in my book. My book may not be standard. I want to live in a world where the average temperature is 50-ish and doesn't swing too far away from that.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:14 PM
horizontal rule
103

Love it, miss it, haven't done it in 16 years.

You should try it again. Early last winter/late last fall we spent some time in Boston. I found the smells incredibly warm and evocative the first day. By day two, though, the slirt, frozen wind, and shitty driving were enough to make me long for California.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:15 PM
horizontal rule
104

94: relating to people is hugely overrated. At least once one has kids.

And that leaves me out, so here I am in New York.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:17 PM
horizontal rule
105

What I've decided since moving to California two years ago is that my constitution demands weather-based suffering on the average day, to remind me that Mother Nature is not my friend. Anything else is unnatural and will inevitably backfire in the form of much more concentrated, sporadic suffering down the road (earthquakes, fires). But I can live with it for the medium term.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:18 PM
horizontal rule
106

104: Relating to people in general is hugely overrated. Having children just makes it more readily obvious.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:18 PM
horizontal rule
107

102: it's usually really uncomfortable (I share your antipathy for very high temperatures) in the summer for about three hours/day: from 3-7 pm. Other than that, it's quite cool almost every morning (high 50s) and gets comfortable again as the sun begins to set. There's better weather in San Diego, for sure, and on the West Side of LA, but I think that's about it. Well, Santa Barbara is amazing, but even I can't imagine living there. Maybe also San Luis Obispo. Hmm.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:20 PM
horizontal rule
108

Also, 84: Thanks TJ; I wasn't sure if I was the only one who'd have an "Oh, beautiful!" response.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:21 PM
horizontal rule
109

104: I do actually understand living in New York. I just freak out when I start to think about suffering through winter again.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:21 PM
horizontal rule
110

3-4 hrs/day


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:23 PM
horizontal rule
111

I can walk to like thirty restaurants, at least that many places to get a drink, used boookstores, awesome museums and two world-class universities in like 15 minutes from my house. I bike instead, cuz I'm lazy, but that definitely doesn't happen in California. Fuck winter in October, though.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:23 PM
horizontal rule
112

Whenever I drive anywhere I think "how could I possibly ever have spent so much of my time doing this?"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:25 PM
horizontal rule
113

I've also learned that 2-3 weekends per winter away from the snow and cold is actually plenty to get me through.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:26 PM
horizontal rule
114

Other than a trip across the country, we put 1,100 miles on our car last year. Probably 1,000 of those were for trips to the coast or the mountains. That said, most of CA is not like Davis. And even in Davis, the public transit that Smearcase mentions above doesn't really exist in any meaningful way. Also, the restaurants here are awful, for museums one has to travel to Sacramento or San Francisco, and the closest world-class university is three hours away in Palo Alto.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:29 PM
horizontal rule
115

I had no idea were Davis was until very recently. I'd always assumed that if it was in California and I didn't know where it was, it was suburban L.A.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:35 PM
horizontal rule
116

So is this an(other) argument about which type of climate, and which area of the country, is objectively best?

I'm sure it's not. I like the photos in 78 anyway.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:39 PM
horizontal rule
117

the closest world-class university is three hours away in Palo Alto.

I'm sure you're trying to antagonize someone by saying something as obviously wrong as that, but I can't figure out who.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:50 PM
horizontal rule
118

So, I was trying to see who Davis was named after. The History section of the wikipedia page said, "It was then known as "Davisville," named for Jerome C. Davis, a prominent local porn star." I undid it, but I felt kind of like a nag for undoing it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:51 PM
horizontal rule
119

117: I was sucking up to neb. I thought it was obvious. Honestly, I'm not sure how we're defining world-class, but assuming we mean something like "competitive with the best universities in the world", then I think all of the better UCs probably qualify (though I really might be mistaken, as my California nationalism colors my understanding of these sorts of discussions). Regardless, I can't imagine a definition that would leave Berkeley out of the mix.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 6:56 PM
horizontal rule
120

I was going to think of examples, but it would probably be simpler just to say that you can't imagine a non-capricious definition that would leave Berkeley out of the mix.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:02 PM
horizontal rule
121

Booorrriinng.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:03 PM
horizontal rule
122

119: in my field (hah! I have a field!) that seems basically true.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:03 PM
horizontal rule
123

You want to go vandalize the wikipedia page for Davis, CA?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:04 PM
horizontal rule
124

Berkeley is also in the class of places that I think have really nice weather, but I realize this is disputed.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:04 PM
horizontal rule
125

Davis has its own Wiki you can vandalize.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:05 PM
horizontal rule
126

Berkeley has pretty amazing weather. But Marin has the best weather. God, I do miss having to go to Marin every day.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:05 PM
horizontal rule
127

I'd say Marin beats San Diego, even.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:06 PM
horizontal rule
128

What would you like to talk about, parsi? Submit a list, brew some tea, and we'll work our way from bottom to top. Does that work for you?


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:06 PM
horizontal rule
129

I also like Seattle's weather. People assure me I wouldn't if I lived there, but I'm not so sure.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:07 PM
horizontal rule
130

I saw it snow in Oakland, once. It sure wasn't no damn October, though.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:07 PM
horizontal rule
131

Nah, you can just argue about which universities count as world class. Carry on.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:09 PM
horizontal rule
132

130: I saw it snow in Oakland today. Unless you mean the other Oakland.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:09 PM
horizontal rule
133

Univeristy of Miami's Jazz Performance program is beyond reproach.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:10 PM
horizontal rule
134

132: I meant the actual Oakland, yes. Did you mean the one in the fake Pittsburg that's spelled wrong?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:11 PM
horizontal rule
135

131: okay, but when you're done with the list of approved topics, do be sure to share them.


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:11 PM
horizontal rule
136

I hear it never rains in southern California.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:11 PM
horizontal rule
137

134 cont'd: that is, not the one in Millbrae.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:12 PM
horizontal rule
138

134: Stupid iPod spells it "Pittsburg" by default. One of the reasons I got an Android phone instead of an iPhone.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:13 PM
horizontal rule
139

Er, the one on the Sacramento River delta, that is.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:14 PM
horizontal rule
140

It was JRoth, I think, who said "anybody local" in reference to Pittsburgh. I've taken that as a general guideline.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 7:15 PM
horizontal rule
141

Berkeley has pretty amazing weather. But Marin has the best weather.

Hell no. Oakland FTW.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:03 PM
horizontal rule
142

DC has a nice climate if you get out of town during the summer. I was thinking it would be nice to live somewhere where you could tell it was fall but where you could go out in costumes comfortably on Halloween.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:14 PM
horizontal rule
143

The sister of a college classmate of mine lives in Rome. Nice weather, seems more interesting than lots of California.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:15 PM
horizontal rule
144

Marin has the best weather.

Indeed. That's Thundersnow's hometown.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:18 PM
horizontal rule
145

Now we're here, and the idea that people subject themselves to real winter weather makes no sense to me. None at all.

Sob. It is going to be so hard for me to go back.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:21 PM
horizontal rule
146

I'm sure Rome is nice.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:24 PM
horizontal rule
147

Chicago has an Oakland! I only know this from signs on Lakeshore Drive.

My left wrist hurts when I play piano. I am either giving myself carpal tunnel or I'm playing so soulfully I'm having a heart attack.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:26 PM
horizontal rule
148

That's called a myochordial infarction.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:28 PM
horizontal rule
149

I haven't spent enough time in Marin to get a sense of the normal weather there, but it is generally true that the Bay Area around the bay shore, but not SF itself, has great weather. Warmer in the south and possibly the north, with Alameda/Berkeley/Oakland getting enough fog for those who prefer a little chill in the summer.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:28 PM
horizontal rule
150

Michigan also has an Oakland. It shows up in the scores for college sports.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 8:42 PM
horizontal rule
151

California is the gift that keeps on giving; always Christmas, never winter.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 9:11 PM
horizontal rule
152

Yeah, the Bay Area weather is almost great enough for me to declare the move a success on that basis alone. This was the first summer in my life that I've never felt, "Gah, it's so disgustingly hot and humid out today." Not once. Suck it, Boston and Chicago and NYC and even Heidelberg!


Posted by: x.trapnel | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 9:21 PM
horizontal rule
153

150: And which school to confuse things has adopted the nickname Golden Grizzlies. In a very deliberate process, but they seemed to ignore their own criteria, The committee's criteria included that the new mascot be animal-based, tough, unique, have regional ties, be collegiate, have graphic potential and be gender- and race-neutral.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 9:23 PM
horizontal rule
154

Of course, I thought San Francisco's summer two years ago was a bit too chilly. But then I was at around 8th and Fulton, close enough to the ocean that the fog rarely lifted. It was also unusually chilly, even by SF standards. But it was great for all the walking/hiking I did.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 9:26 PM
horizontal rule
155

78

Another snow picture


Posted by: James B. Shearer | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 10:28 PM
horizontal rule
156

Seattle's weather is awesome. If you suffer from Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder, then it would be horrible, but otherwise it's great. It's cloudy for 9 months of the year, but it's always mind. When it rains it rains so lightly that most people don't use umbrellas. Despite being further north than Fargo, the city (when I lived there) owned a grand total of 4 snow plows.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 11:10 PM
horizontal rule
157

Still no snow here.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-29-11 11:21 PM
horizontal rule
158

You should go north if you want snow.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 3:52 AM
horizontal rule
159

it was 93 again today, like always. I think berkeley has the best weather, but I love savannah/bluffton in springtime (very early in the year) and DC in the fall.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 4:57 AM
horizontal rule
160

159: WHAT AM I, CHOPPED FOIE GRAS?


Posted by: Opinionated Paris in the Fall | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 5:51 AM
horizontal rule
161

Berkeley does have nice weather. San Francisco in January was beautiful the last time I was there, quite warm.

156: My boyfriend's parents lived in Vancouver for a while. I'm assuming that the weather there is similar to Seattle's. I think that she must have mild SAD, because she was pretty unhappy weather wise. She did think it was beautiful on sunny days.

They both grew up in Winnipeg which is cold as hell and hot as hell depending on the season, but the sun does come out in the winter. The funny thing is that she found Stockholm easier to take even though it gets dark there so early.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 5:52 AM
horizontal rule
162

Vancouver, I'm told, has nicer weather than Seattle.

As a Southern Californian, I like the weather in the East Bay, but I always found it just slightly colder than I expected. That is, I'd look out the window and would figure a sweater was OK, but you'd need a sweater and a jacket. Or I'd figure a t shirt and pants was OK, but you'd need a sweater. I guess I slightly prefer the weather here, although in early September I sometimes wish I had a summer home in Cape Breton island or something. At this point though living in a place where it's dark and wet and you don't want to be outside in February would feel like a very serious hardship.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 7:20 AM
horizontal rule
163

Yum, chopped foie gras...


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 8:05 AM
horizontal rule
164

At this point though living in a place where it's dark and wet and you don't want to be outside in February would feel like a very serious hardship.

Pain is weakness leaving the body.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 8:33 AM
horizontal rule
165

February really does suck unless you get three feet of snow and have a toddler to appreciate it with you on your four paid snow days.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 8:51 AM
horizontal rule
166

... and have a toddler to appreciate it with you....

"Sorry, kid: the sign says you have to be at least two feet tall to shovel this driveway. Well, maybe just this once, as a treat. Can you lift the big shovel?"


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 9:04 AM
horizontal rule
167

155: Whoa. Nice, Shearer. I really find beautiful the way in which the landscape looks naturally black and white, as though a black and white photo (though faintly colorized somehow). Just aesthetically pleasing.

In other news, dang, I'd hoped I'd safely avoided coming down with the late autumn cold that everyone else has suffered. Guess not. What a drag -- it's been years since I've had cold/flu/whatever thing, whatever it turns out to be.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 9:54 AM
horizontal rule
168

I'd figure a t shirt and pants was OK, but you'd need a sweater and no pants.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 10:10 AM
horizontal rule
169

||

Oh my.

This stuff is wonderful.

To those holding the reins of power, let us say, We will be your witnesses and your truthtellers. We will not allow you to live in a bubble. We will not go away. We will show you who you are hurting and how. We will make it awkward to do business, until your conscience cannot stand it any longer.

Do read the whole thing.

|>


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 11:06 AM
horizontal rule
170

The essay in 169 is excellent.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 2:06 PM
horizontal rule
171

Oh, I'm so glad you think so. I got a bit teary over it, but of course I have a cold -- I'm sure that's it.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-11 3:34 PM
horizontal rule