Re: Bitches gotta eat

1

Hilarious and really well written.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 9:00 PM
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2

Must bitches eat?

I seem to be unable to highlight the text by depressing my left mouse button and then dragging my mouse around over the text I want to highlight. Have other people this problem? Did heebie transcribe the text she quotes?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 9:06 PM
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3

2: I also seem to have that problem.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 9:24 PM
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4

"Bitches gotta eat."

(1) Gotta eat bitches?
(2) ?Gotta bitches eat?

(1) is clearly grammatical, but it means the wrong thing. (2) is at least obviously questionable; I think one would be understood, but possibly only by certain audiences.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 9:29 PM
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5

Interestingly if we started off with "Bitches have to eat", we have more options, owing simply to the fact that, with more words, there are more possibilities of combination:

(1) Have to eat bitches?
(2) *Have to bitches eat?
(3) Have bitches to eat?

Here both (1) and (3) make sense. (1) here corresponds in meaning to (1) supra, and (3) has two interpretations, which we might more perspicuously put as follows:

(3a) Do you possess bitches for eating?
(3b) Must bitches eat?

(3b) is, of course, what we desire, and what it seemed impossible to express in comment 4.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 9:33 PM
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6

Anyway, I like the blog.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 9:33 PM
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7

I, on the other hand, find it irritating and not particularly funny. Meh.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 9:45 PM
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8

I ain't for sure yet, but I think I like it. Some of the pop culture references would probably be funnier to people who did even have a TV. I'm curious about the gastro-intestinal problems to which the author alludes, but not curious enough to read the fucking archives, I guess. Would you guys be mad at me if I invited her over here? I mean, we survived Mr. No More Harvard Debt, and the world-travelling lady with the kid and the violins for poor little Third World children, so I think we would be okay with having her over for a thread or two. Who knows, maybe she lurks here already?


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 10:02 PM
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9

What do you think you are, some kind of ambassador plenipotentiary?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 10:08 PM
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10

Well I'm surely not some kind of frog intellectual.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 10:26 PM
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11

If you haven't read her archives and aren't even sure if you like her blog, why do you want to invite her over here?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 10:28 PM
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12

CAN'T READ THIS BLOG written in too annoying of a way. long paragraphs. purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, purple monkey dishwasher, why are the paragraphs SO LONG?!


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 10:49 PM
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13

So far I love it. Long paragraphs? What are you, ADHD or something?


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 04-22-12 11:35 PM
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14

It's funny. I normally hate long paragraphs, but here it adds to the style.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:14 AM
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15

Funniest blog I've read in years that wasn't written by alameida.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 2:16 AM
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16

Did heebie transcribe the text she quotes?

Yes.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 4:23 AM
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17

Also I had to email her and get help on the link to the "Why I Love White People" post, so she knows it's up and will presumably lurk at some point.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 4:26 AM
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18

Pretty shallow stuff.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 4:29 AM
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19

One of the more serious vegetarians I've met was a 40 year-old African American woman who grew up in California. LA, I think.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 4:35 AM
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20

That woman's personal blog wouldn't be nearly so shallow.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 4:46 AM
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21

The novelty wears off. She's a desperately cruel and pathetic character.


Posted by: qb | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 5:14 AM
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22

You can find some of that on the internet. It's the part with addresses that start with 'www.'


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 5:21 AM
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23

You're right. I like it better now.


Posted by: qb | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 5:25 AM
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24

The top smutty search terms: teens, gays, MILFs, breasts, and cheating wives. Ogged is vindicated.


Posted by: Alex | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 5:28 AM
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25

2,3: The canonical answer to that problem is to view source and cut and paste from there. But you knew that.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 6:04 AM
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26

The novelty wears off. She's a desperately cruel and pathetic character.

Huh. That strikes me as way off base.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 6:17 AM
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27

Me too. I can understand not finding her funny (although I did), but I'm really not getting cruel, pathetic or shallow. February's "I'm Ugly" was excellent, I thought.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 6:35 AM
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28

Well, she does seem to boil every post down to "I am pathetic" and/or "Everything boils down to sex, which is actually disgusting when you obsess over it as much as I do".


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 6:36 AM
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29

I read it more as "I'm pathetic by pop culture standards" than actually a low self-esteem, and calling her cruel seems a total misreading.

Shallow, I grant you, but I love shallow, so.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 6:43 AM
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30

I enjoyed it except for the one about white people. I wasn't sure if she had really met any white people or had just cut and pasted a bunch of stuff from the SWPL web-site.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 6:47 AM
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31

My impression was that she was playing a cruel and pathetic character for laughs on the Internet. Not that the stories aren't approximately true, but that she's exaggerating for comic effect in a way that puts her in an anti-hero role. I did feel bad for the guy who mispronounced "orchid," though.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 7:00 AM
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32

30: I actually took that as an actually funny version of SWPL, but as God is my witness, if we rehash that website again, I'll find the Unfogged servers and destroy them.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 7:19 AM
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33

I'm starting a SJRDL website.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 7:25 AM
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34

32: Same here. I have been thinking about why I found that post somewhat amusing and the SWPL site so very heinous, and am absolutely not going to share my thoughts on the matter here. (But I did make Tweety listen to them).


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 7:27 AM
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35

I believe that the critical difference is that her post is 9 paragraphs long, while the SWPL site contains -- I'm only gong from memory here, so I could be wrong -- somewhat more.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 7:51 AM
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36

Eh, maybe I am off-base. "Cruel" might be an overstatement--"judgey" might be closer to what I had in mind, but I guess that really doesn't set her apart from anyone else on the internet. I don't know. I read the blog for a few months a while back and thought it was really funny, but for me the humor and style were gradually overwhelmed by disgust. Mileage may vary.


Posted by: qb | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:12 AM
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37

I'm curious about the gastro-intestinal problems to which the author alludes

Crohn's disease.


Posted by: L. | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:18 AM
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38

I don't have strong feelings one way or the other about the content (I enjoyed the white people post and haven't read much of the rest), but the complaints about long paragraphs are batty. I endorse comment 13. Those are normal paragraphs; I am increasingly irritated by newspaper-style one-to-two-sentence paragraph abortions.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:21 AM
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39

You can copy and paste by viewing the source (though HTML tags will also come through).


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:33 AM
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40

It is the best of lengths, it is the worst of lengths.

Make that the best of lengths.

The one sentence paragraph writer has something to say.

The more than one sentence paragraph writer has too much to say.

In the clubhouse, they call the one sentence paragraph writer "gritty."

They don't call the multiple paragraph writer at all.

Tommy Lasorda, I love you.


Posted by: OPINIONATED BILL PLASCHKE | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:39 AM
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41

19 baffles me.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:44 AM
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42

I wasn't finding the blog that funny, but going back in the archives it's growing on me:

i'm going into every sexual encounter for the rest of my life saying "i have two and a half sex tricks that may or may not be successful. NOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?"

Cracked me up.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:45 AM
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43

41: "Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament?"


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:51 AM
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44

In women's tennis, I always root against the heterosexual.

But now 43, as a response to 41, baffles me.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:52 AM
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45

In an attempt at humor, I was implying that 19 was a code phrase used by secret agents to identify each other upon meeting. Or rather that 19 was a code phrase that might be used in a comedy to mock code phrases used by secret agents. It's like an onion, with the layers.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:56 AM
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46

A mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in cigarette paper wrapped in an eggplant.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 8:58 AM
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47

Oh, I'm just too literal-minded and novelty-averse, I guess.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 9:08 AM
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48

Far as shallow life-blogging goes, Bitchesgottaeat is pretty fucking great. Nice find, Heebie.


Posted by: Lord Castock | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 9:53 AM
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49

46: Pineapples don't have sleeves.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 9:58 AM
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50

Good stuff -- though I've only read the white people post so far.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 11:17 AM
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51

Her writing strikes me as a kind of humor that definitely codes black, and not just because she's calling people "son." I can think of a bunch of friends off the top of my head who write that way and they're all young black women, but that might be because I'm not reading a representative sample of the young white women writing similar stuff. I was disappointed by her twitter stream, unless she has one I don't know about. I mean, she's no Areefuh Stanklin there. (Or hmm, I'm seeing that Reefuh's timeline is locked. Let me think of someone else who's not a close personal friend but has the same kind of humor I'm talking about. Kanye Breast probably isn't worksafe. Huh.)


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 12:45 PM
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It codes black, unless you count alameida, who writes that way very bizarrely, given that she isn't black and is white upper class. But I don't think that keeps it from coding black.

There's a woman known as ABL -- Angry Black Woman -- who posts that way on Balloon Juice (now posting at, I think, the raw story as well as her own blog all along).


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:28 PM
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53

ABL -- Angry Black Woman

Your world is really going to broaden when you get to Smith, Parsi.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:30 PM
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54

I meant Angry Black Lady (ABL).


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:31 PM
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55

I don't get the Smith reference. I used to live and work right next door to Smith, actually. Nice town.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:33 PM
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56

I was just reaching for an environment that might broaden the mind of a young girl who had never encountered the L word.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:41 PM
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57

Oh. I see. The L in ABL doesn't stand for lesbian.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:44 PM
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58

I don't think this is actually how alameida tells stories, or I wouldn't say it is. I think there's some content overlap but the delivery strikes me as very different, though I'm not going to bother trying to figure out what I mean by that and I am going to go to the grocery store.

Oh, and one writing style that very much codes as young white woman to me is the one that says, This? Is. An. Annoying. Way. To. Write. That just drives me up the wall, which is probably unfair of me.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:45 PM
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the mind of a young girl who had never encountered the L word.

A mind free of coffee shops, horrible theme music, and ludicrously implausible drama.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:46 PM
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60

58.2 -- Oh, I agree. That's sniper team material, right there.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 04-23-12 1:48 PM
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61

That just drives me up the wall, which is probably unfair of me.

No, Thorn! Embrace your rage!


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-24-12 6:27 AM
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