Re: Computerless

1

Pacing!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 4:35 PM
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Stomping is a game.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 4:35 PM
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3

draf


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:02 PM
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4

drafting


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:02 PM
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5

drafting a comment


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:03 PM
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6

>>drafting a comment.
Succeeded.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:03 PM
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7

Too meta.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:05 PM
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8

I forget what heebie's problem in the OP was, but it's fixable.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:05 PM
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9

We already had a conversation about something close to this, that I don't like the defaults on the iPad (especially the forced emphasis on one function). I'm slowly being trained to use the iPad, since it is all I've got at home, but I often dislike it.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:09 PM
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When I went to get the link for the keyboard, for your reading pleasure, the browser lost the already written entry.

Often the gap in reading comprehension is all on my side, but I'm thinking with this sentence not so much.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:13 PM
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The Ipad sucks it, IMO. It's good for looking up recipes and propping them up when you're cooking, and OK for reading unfogged or Youtube in bed.

OTOH, the MacBook Air is fucking amazing and awesome.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:16 PM
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12

I've probably said this before, but it's too bad the TouchPad isn't very good overall, as webOS is actually pretty nice.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:22 PM
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According to the link in the OP, "This item ships free to the lower 48 states." I'm not sure why it costs more to send stuff to Maine. Maybe moose attack UPS trucks.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:45 PM
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"Lower" doesn't necessarily just mean "south."


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:54 PM
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The Ipad sucks it, IMO.

Yeah, the ones I've sampled at friends' houses have left me asking "So can you actually interact at all, like write comments and emails, without annoying difficulty; and it's it just better to have a laptop if you want to do those things?"

There's initial resistance ("No, you can totally do everything! See, there's a virtual keyboard here!") but eventually people acknowledge that an iPad is highly limited. Though you can run your TV from it, it seems.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:55 PM
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16

If it means the worst two states, then why not just say Mississippi and New Jersey.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:56 PM
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16: No, you've got it backwards. It means the worst 48 states.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:57 PM
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18

So you can get it free in Alaska then.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 5:58 PM
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19

||

Ok, I have an update and I'd like advice. Remember back in February, I posted about a hometown friend who'd been noticeably avoiding me for the past two trips home, ie for the past two years?

I emailed her and said "Hey, is something bothering you? I miss hanging out. It feels like you're avoiding me." (From memory, words not exact.) She never emailed me back.

A week or so later I wrote "Hey, it seems there are two possibilities. Either you no longer want to be friends, in which case that sucks, or you're going through a rough patch. In case it's the latter, I'm going to continue to email you ahead of time and let you know when we'll be in town, in the future." She never emailed me back.

Fast forward to the last week. I emailed her "Hey, we'll be in town soon. Would you like to get together? I can leave Jammies and the kids behind, if you'd rather meet without them."

Five days later she emails me "I'm free at 11:30 for lunch if you'd like to meet me at [This restaurant]."

I email back "That sounds great. (So are the kids a barrier to hanging out? I get aggravated with other people's kids. I do not mind if you avoid them until they're 25.)"

I included the parenthetical after an internal debate, because I decided I didn't want to start walking on eggshells. If she would like to be friends with me, she should be friends with the uncensored me, and that's what I would say if I were speaking off the cuff.

Two days later (ie just now) she responds "Kids are fine. I volunteer with them, my boyfriend has one, etc. They do make it hard to catch up. Does that help?"

So here's my dilemma:
It's seeming like she's not suffering from debilitating depression, although she could certainly still be going through a rough patch. If that's not the case, then she's been treating me like shit for two years, just for...kicks? Drama?

I feel myself getting mad.

|>


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:02 PM
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Try to resist getting mad for the moment -- there's too little information to go on, and you have an in-person meeting planned.

Tone is hard over e-mail and you'll be able to get a much better sense of her mood when you see her and it will be better if you don't come in feeling disgruntled.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:09 PM
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21

Obviously, she was under house arrest before. She couldn't invite you over because of the ankle-band with the tracking device.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:09 PM
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22

(though, yes, that exchange does sound aggravating.)


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:09 PM
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23

I wouldn't get mad. She probably doesn't see it as treating you like shit; she just wants to see you sans kids. She could have explained that, but she didn't, maybe because she had some other stuff going on. Now she has explained it.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:11 PM
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24

maybe because she had some other stuff going on.

That would be stuff going on for the past two years, and flatly ignoring a blunt email that says "Hey, is something wrong that I should know about? I miss you."

Do I want to be friends with someone if they don't consider all of that to be treating me like shit?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:15 PM
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25

But 20 is probably sound advice.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:15 PM
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26

I think it's probably not about you in particiular, that's all.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:18 PM
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27

Particular, that is.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:19 PM
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28

Sounds like she just doesn't care much about staying in touch with old friends. Old friends aren't that important to some people. If she's just not that into you, then there's no real point making a big fuss about it. Hanging out will let you know if there's still any spark, and if there's not don't get in a fight about it or demand satisfaction, just move on.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:25 PM
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29

Old friends aren't that important to some people.

"Make new friends, dump the old.
One is silver, and the other mold."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:29 PM
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That might be it. That would be out of character, given that she's stayed close with me since I moved away at age 17. But maybe she's in a new stage of her life and is not interested in maintaining old ties.

Still, uh, we used to catch up once a year, which isn't exactly an albatross around her neck. I still am feeling angry.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:30 PM
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28 does describe a thing that exists for some people: just not that into struggling through morphing relationships with old friends. Believe me, if you're one of those types of people (as I am, frequently), you do feel badly that you're just not that interested any more. But who knows whether that's what's going on with your friend.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:33 PM
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32

Who knows. I think I'm great! Pity that she doesn't.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:35 PM
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33

I can never remember whether or not you're supposed to shoot the metaphorical albatross.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:39 PM
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34

Am I remembering right, that she's fairly close friends with your mother? That certainly adds to the weirdness--or maybe explains it?


Posted by: Mme. Merle | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:41 PM
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35

Right - they go to the movies together once every 1-2 months. My mom implied that they don't go as often as they used to, when she was basically telling me that the rift was probably all in my head. (This is before the email when I bluntly asked, of course.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:45 PM
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Maybe she feels talking to your mother is keeping in touch with you. I mean, I don't talk to all my cousins about everything. I figure if I hit one in each family, they can spread the news/well-wishing/Amway forms.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:48 PM
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37

That could be the case, but I don't think it justifies the bullshit.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:50 PM
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38

Heebie, how recent is the addition of the boyfriend with kids? Being in a new life role can fuck things up for people and how they interact, for me at least.

The best thing about the iPad is that it makes heebie's comments be signed heebie-heebie. The worst thing is that it's so easy to multitask that I want to go antagonize someone on twitter because I think she's a fraud.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:55 PM
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39

No. It does not.

(P.S. Per Wikipedia, don't shoot the albatross.)


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:55 PM
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40

39.1 to 37.

39.2 to literature lovers everywhere.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:57 PM
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41

As a serial friend ignorer, I say cut her some slack. She may have gotten temporarily but not super seriously depressed.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 6:57 PM
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42

As I've gotten older, I've gotten more used to people dropping away for several years, and it doesn't seem that weird not to connect with an old friend for a few years.

Anyway, I'll venture that you're mad because you're hurt, and I don't know what to say about that. People have different expectations from friendships. Things do need to be voluntary. You can't really demand a certain form of friendship, and if the form you prefer isn't the form your friend prefers, I'm not sure how you can claim that your form is the right one.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:03 PM
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It's funny - I have long-distance friends who are serial ignorers, and I don't take it personally, because they've been that way for the past 10 years. When we're in the same place, we're close and it's great, and when we're not, I don't worry about it.

I think the only reason this caught me off-guard is that it was such an abrupt change from her being very enthusiastic to hang out, since we were 11, to flipping entirely off.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:03 PM
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You can't really demand a certain form of friendship, and if the form you prefer isn't the form your friend prefers, I'm not sure how you can claim that your form is the right one.

Oh are you fucking serious? Yes. I'm demanding that she conform to my extensive expectations of once-a-year saying hi. What a demanding bitch I am.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:06 PM
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Anyway, I'll venture that you're mad because you're hurt, and I don't know what to say about that.

Maybe this is the situation, but h-g could also be mad because she's given her friend approximately 37 chances to respond, and then she does finally respond like nothing really happened.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:10 PM
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45

Maybe this is the situation, but h-g could also be mad because she's given her friend approximately 37 chances to respond, and then she does finally respond like nothing really happened.

Although perhaps not likely it is possible that her friend never saw some (or all) of heebie's emails. There are various ways they can get lost.


Posted by: James B. Shearer | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:19 PM
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I'm not going to fight about it. Good luck with your friend, heebie.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:20 PM
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48

"Dear old friend, Why have I not heard from you despite my valuable offer? I miss you like Bob misses Libby after swallowing all the discounted Viagra he gets from doing those commercials. Please write back. It can be hard to remember but just try to remember writing me when you hold a pen. If that doesn't work, try to make the image bigger in your mind. If the pen is enlarged, you won't forget me."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:29 PM
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49

I must say 48 is kind of hilarious.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:38 PM
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Heebie, how recent is the addition of the boyfriend with kids? Being in a new life role can fuck things up for people and how they interact, for me at least.

I'm definitely open to this being the issue at hand. I hadn't known until just now that he has a kid, but I have several friends who have found it emotionally difficult to navigate dating someone with a kid. Not that it has to be, but they've each struggled.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:39 PM
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she does finally respond like nothing really happened

Maybe something happened but she doesn't want to have the conversation about it over email. It's no good getting angry about hypotheticals and there are a bunch of plausible scenarios.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:49 PM
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52

Yeah, who knows. I'll get lunch with her. And then come back here and talk shit.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:54 PM
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53

Maybe her boyfriend is emotionally abusive and controlling and doesn't like her keeping in touch with her friends.

Maybe her new boyfriend is one of your high school exes, and so she feels awkward.

Maybe she joined a cult and contact with outsiders is frowned upon.

Maybe she and your mother had a huge falling out and neither one wants to be the one to tell you.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 7:55 PM
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54

Maybe she comments here.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 8:19 PM
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55

Maybe she's become a sociologist.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 8:37 PM
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56

I know she said "kids are fine", but the tone of ambivalence toward having them there, possibly bitchiness, gives me pause. Could she have fertility issues? For years I avoided any conversation that might turn on when/whether I thought about having kids. And then quite a few female friends either dropped away from me, or vice versa, when I was going through escalating rounds of IF treatment. There's an awful lot that an old friend, on the other side of the kids/no kids divide, would flinch away from hearing. Maybe she doesn't want to produce that flinch, or feel it -- either one.


Posted by: Cady | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 8:42 PM
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To me, "Kids are fine, but they make it hard to catch up. Does that help?" is weird. Does it help what? Heebie was putting it totally in her court (and has said she would be fine either way), yet she wants to put the decision of whether to bring the kids back on Heebie. Why? Is she so unassertive? Is she just not paying much attention to what she's writing?

I guess you could suggest she bring the boyfriend too... Maybe she has a grudge against people she perceives as not welcoming him into her life enough... that can happen.


Posted by: ursyne | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 8:56 PM
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It sounds to me as though she might have some things to say that she wouldn't be willing to say with kids around (with Heebie distracted by kids), that's all.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-23-12 9:01 PM
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Yeah, I'm with 57 - that "does that help?" is highly irritating. Does that help with what ffs?

If her form of friendship is to ignore you for 2 years, then I'm not sure she actually wants to be friends. A mutual ignoring when both parties have stuff going on is one thing, and the friendship can often be successfully picked up down the line, but this is all a bit one way. I'm afraid I've taken against her.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 12:50 AM
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I'd guess, like lots of people, I have friends I don't hear from regularly for years. Some because they are a long way away, some because they are a bit shit at keeping in touch [I'm in that category myself], or whatever. But I'd sure as shit expect a better answer if I did ask them if they were ignoring me, and the 'does that help?' as per ursyne in 57 and Asilon in 59 would be annoying as fuck. So yes, 'taken against her'.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 3:15 AM
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61

Some people have a primitive weird relationship to electronic communications, and treat them like they're somehow less socially real than more traditional forms of communication. I don't understand it myself, but a lot of people don't see it as a snub to ignore email.

That aside, I agree that her eventual response was very annoying.


Posted by: real ffeJ annaH | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 4:00 AM
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61.1 sounds right to me. As for the response, I hear 'you are trying pretty hard. Why are you trying so hard?' But obviously you'll find out for real soon enough.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 5:43 AM
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63

I would read that as, she thinks Heebie is trying to decide whether to bring the kids to lunch or not and "does that help" means does that help Heebie to decide.


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 6:17 AM
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Sorry, I'm stupid today with a headache - of course she's saying that and as 57 says she is passing the buch.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 6:18 AM
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I don't find the response nearly so off-putting as everybody else (but then I'm an asshole, so weight accordingly). It seems like a fairly normal response to:

So are the kids a barrier to hanging out? I get aggravated with other people's kids. I do not mind if you avoid them until they're 25.

That isn't asking her to make a decision; it's asking whether the kids are a barrier to hanging out. Her friend's reply reads to me as "I like kids just fine and spend a fair amount of time around them, but they can make it hard to talk." Ultimately, it's up to heebie whether she's going to bring her kids along.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 6:38 AM
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Oh, I'm definitely not bringing kids along. I've edited parts of the email chain, but it was clear from her initial invitation that lunch was for me, without Jammies and the kids.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 6:40 AM
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Are you two the same blood type? She was probably just waiting until she really needed the kidney.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 6:44 AM
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Don't take kids to catch up with an old friend if you can reasonably avoid it. I like kids, but when they are around it's all about the kids, especially if they are young. Playing with kids is a blast, but if you are trying to do something else that requires concentration they are a pain in the ass.

I have a close old friend who I try to keep in touch with but since she's had kids our get-togethers have been quite frustrating. We used to talk about heavy complicated stuff and now it's just tantalizing hints of what used to be, punctuated by demands from her kids.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05-24-12 6:59 AM
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