Re: Weird Email Forwards

1

I have a side-bet with myself about one of the answers that will appear in the first ten guesses.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:51 PM
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2

Fake blood. All over the bed, sheets, floor, etc. Gallons of it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:52 PM
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3

A hobo train consultant? A genuinely novel sexual act? A sloth? Buffy the Vampire Slayer? A ball of bloody fingers?


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:53 PM
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4

SQUIRRELS.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:53 PM
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5

Nope! So far I'm 0 for 7.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:55 PM
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6

horse's head


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:56 PM
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7

A giant fire!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:57 PM
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8

Wait, what?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:57 PM
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9

Burning cross?


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:58 PM
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10

Oh wait! A baby!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:59 PM
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11

MOLE


Posted by: Bave | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:59 PM
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12

small piece of dried meat?

preferably resembling an infant foreskin.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:59 PM
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13

11: DON'T COCK THE BABY


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 6:59 PM
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14

preferably resembling an infant foreskin.

Are there photo references or is one just supposed to work from memory?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:00 PM
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15

A dead baby.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:02 PM
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16

Well, if your memory goes back that far, Tweety.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:02 PM
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17

Hey, I dodged that particular... thing of no particular valence one way or the other.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:03 PM
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18

A dummy dressed in full SS uniform plus a strap-on.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:04 PM
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19

Some kind of dimensional vortex?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:05 PM
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20

A zardoz head?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:05 PM
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21

A color out of space?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:05 PM
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22

A rational actor?

(Assume the babysitter is an economist.)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:06 PM
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23

(Assume the babysitter is an spherical economist.)


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:08 PM
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24

If the babysitter is an economist, you could really blow their mind by leaving a $20 bill in the crib.


Posted by: Bave | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:08 PM
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25

A trolley car and a note of apology.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:09 PM
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26

A baby's arm holding an apple.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:10 PM
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27

Megan McArdle.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:11 PM
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28

Jesus's Eternal Love?

Or no, no, like a giant dildo?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:12 PM
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29

27: Whoa. Not cool, dude. Too far.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:12 PM
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30

Yeah, 27 is the thread-killer. Jeez, man. Did you have to go there?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:15 PM
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31

Sorry?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:16 PM
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32

Wait parsimon hide in the bed it'll be funny.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:16 PM
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33

I had a dream once where someone was telling me about amateur porn they'd found of McMegan. I really need to turn off the computer.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:16 PM
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34

33: plus, crush videos are illegal.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:18 PM
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35

Ummm, so anyway, in the bed, a puppet, one of those wooden puppets, like Chuckie.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:18 PM
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36

To be clear: 29 was not written in defense of MM, but rather the imaginary child who would have to face such a thing.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:21 PM
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37

Have I ever told the story here of my college friend who tried to "prank"

There was this extremely tall, bald, slightly older guy in the dorm, who looked like Bull from Night Court. Bull, in addition to looking weird, was also sort of a jerk and an easy target for teasing. He was teased a lot, sometimes mercilessly. Everyone lived in singles in this particular dorm.

Bull's door is unlocked in the evening, and Bull is just about to leave the common room to go to sleep. My friend goes into Bull's room, and hides under the bed, waiting to grab Bull as he lies down for the evening and give Bull a good scare. That's the prank.

Bull walks in and sits down, in front of the mirror. Bull puts his head in his hands and starts crying. "It's just not true what they say. Don't listen to them. It just isn't true. It's just not true." Bull is balling. My friend gets nervous, comes out from under the bed, apologizes under his breath very awkwardly, and runs out of the room.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:23 PM
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38

What's that in the bed? Little Face Mitt!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:23 PM
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39

36: Right, 30 was meant in that way as well.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:27 PM
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40

37 is very awkward turtle.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:29 PM
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41

37: My cow-orker has told me about a couple of college pranks gone wrong in roughly that way as well.

I never did pranks, as far as I can remember, so it all seems weird.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:30 PM
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42

When I first went to college I knew these high-spirited, pranking kind of guys. Big dudes. One played football. One day the one of them took off all his clothes and put on a pizza box over his crotch. He ran into the room of these freshmen on the floor screaming "hide me! You've got to hide me!" Freshmen dudes were like "uhhh get in the closet wtf?" A little while later second dude runs up starts banging on the door. Freshmen answer; dude is livid with rage. "Have you seen a guy wearing a pizza box?" "What, no?" "HAVE YOU SEEN A GUY WEARING A PIZZA BOX?" "No, dude!" "I KNOW HE'S IN HERE. WHERE IS HE? I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. I KNOW HE IS IN HERE. TELL ME WHERE HE IS."

So, babysitter comes upstairs: guy in a pizza box!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:34 PM
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43

Heebie, you lost your bet. What was your guess?


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:38 PM
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44

Nothing in the bed and footprints leading to the window.

Or monster footprints back to the closet.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:39 PM
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45

By the way, I have no clue what's going on with the punctuation in 37 or why prank is in "quotes." Who knows how I will or will not punctuate things.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:39 PM
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46

In the bed is another bed! And in that, another bed! And more beds, and more, and more! And at the top of the beds, a famous cosmologist.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:39 PM
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47

Stories like 37 make me feel like crying. So much misery out there.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:40 PM
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48

And at the top bottom of the beds, a famous cosmologist turtle.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:42 PM
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49

In the bed it is made explicit.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:42 PM
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50

48: Additionally, turtles are used to fill the pillows, all the down way.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:43 PM
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51

43: I totally lost the bet! I felt sure someone would say "Rapist!"


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:43 PM
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52

47: me too. Also makes me wish I'd been more kind to more people.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:45 PM
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53

37 is horrible. I just . . . ugh.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:46 PM
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54

51: Really?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:47 PM
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55

Yes?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:48 PM
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56

Looks like nobody did.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:49 PM
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57

37 makes me glad, again, that the college pranks I was involved with were elaborate engineering projects. I would never have had a chance to use the wind tunnel otherwise!


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:49 PM
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58

Rapist!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:50 PM
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59

Too soon?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:50 PM
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60

Is it ever too soon for a rapist?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:51 PM
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61

Too late, for heebie's bet.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:51 PM
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62

Depends on the baby, I guess.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:51 PM
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63

What baby?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:52 PM
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64

Already?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:53 PM
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65

I thought it was still Yom Kippur.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:54 PM
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66

Your tweety, Drunk. Go to bed.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:55 PM
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67

And in the bed: atonement!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:55 PM
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68

If I was drunk I might understand what the hell I'm talking about.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:56 PM
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69

I think we have posture-pedic.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:57 PM
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70

I thought it was still Yom Kippur.

Only in Alaska.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:57 PM
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71

If you were drunk, you might understand what the hell heebie is talking about.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 7:58 PM
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72

||Not news, but sakes alive, Allen West is a cuckoo bird.|>


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:00 PM
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73

Huh, it turns out that Bull is now an insurance rep living in El Centro. I hope El Centro has made him feel better, but I doubt it.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:00 PM
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74

I gotta admit, "Rapist" was not anywhere near one of my guesses.

I am also getting flashback to the Release Roderick scene in Life of Brian.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:01 PM
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75

+s


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:01 PM
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76

Life of Brians?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:03 PM
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77

MMMM.....BRIANS.


Posted by: Dyslexic Zombie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:05 PM
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78

MMMM.....BRIANS.


Posted by: Dyslexic Zombie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:05 PM
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79

(Oops.)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:05 PM
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80

52: makes me wish I'd been more kind to more people.

And a lot meaner to a few, particular people. Fortunately, it's not too late to do something about that!


Posted by: YK | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:08 PM
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81

I'm also confused as to why the "rapist" response would be a likely answer.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:09 PM
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82

"Rapist": The feminists' answer for everything.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:12 PM
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83

Isn't a rapist the worst possible thing the parents could leave for the baby-sitter?


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:14 PM
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84

Boy would she be surprised!


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:15 PM
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85

A rapist would be the worst, but a dead cat with a photo of a baby's head stapled to it might be the creepiest.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:19 PM
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86

Creepier than a live baby with a cat's head stapled to it?


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:22 PM
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87

No? Can I leave now?


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:23 PM
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88

THE LIVE BABY WITH THE DEAD CAT'S HEAD STAPLED TO IT IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!!!!


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:23 PM
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89

And then it explodes.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:24 PM
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90

So no rapist?


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:25 PM
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91

After the explosion it's more of an ex-rapist.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:25 PM
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92

He rapes your ex?


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:27 PM
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93

Most of us aren't as blasé about rape humor as you, Heebs.

I assumed you were expecting "A dead baby". That being a popular punch line for jokes.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:29 PM
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94

To be clear, I find the rape joke horrible and degenerate. I just have low expectations for my cretin community.


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:33 PM
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95

I assumed you were expecting "A dead baby".

Maybe an "adult baby" would be more horrifying.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:37 PM
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96

An adult Cretan baby.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:40 PM
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97

Oh! I got it! A stand mixer?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:40 PM
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98

We have a stand mixer we never use because we all like our stands to be separated.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:44 PM
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99

Adult baby baby-rapist who staples cat heads to you.


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:45 PM
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100

95: Maybe!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:46 PM
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101

And then dies. And there's blood everywhere.


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:47 PM
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102

Maybe an "adult baby" would be more horrifying.

Not a fan of Renaissance painting, I take it.


Posted by: Criminally Bulgur | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:49 PM
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103

The Arapistocats!


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:52 PM
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104

Analrapist?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 8:58 PM
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105

The Grapist!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 9:08 PM
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106

105: Sir, get your mind out of the gutter!


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 9:11 PM
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107

NMM to the NFL referee lockout.


Posted by: Kreskin | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 9:12 PM
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108

37 reminds me of a guy I went to college with. Really big guy, super tall and awkward and nerdy. He was kind of a doofus, but earned the nickname "Stalker [dude's first name]" on account of his habit of developing a crush on girls and then following them around all puppy-dog-like. It eventually got so bad that some people in the dorm got together and told him to knock it off.

I found his blog a few years after I'd graduated from college. He hadn't changed at all and was still completely mystified as to why women weren't interested in him. It was the most depressing thing I'd ever seen.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 9:39 PM
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109

An illegitimate rapist. They're the kind that can get you pregnant.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 9:52 PM
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110

105: Rapier Ape!


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 9:59 PM
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111

Fancier Cat!


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 10:04 PM
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112

|| I saw this story in the WSJ recently and would like to know how the study in question (in which students are falsely accused of academic misconduct in order to see if they will take a deal) got by the review board. |>


Posted by: James B. Shearer | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 10:15 PM
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113

... Somebody was testing the ethics of review boards?


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 09-26-12 10:20 PM
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114

...40 women of different ages. When the girl asks "Who are you?" they answer "The previous babysitters."


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 12:06 AM
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115

114 is definitely the winner.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 2:44 AM
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116

For Brits: Lord Lucan
For Americans; Amelia Earhart


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 3:12 AM
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117

Amelia Earhart would be impressive. She'd be 115 years old.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 4:05 AM
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118

100: My own side bet with myself about this post was how long it would take for that to get linked. Not watching it again, nooo!


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 4:11 AM
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119

118: I like to watch it every Christmas.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 4:30 AM
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120

Isn't the answer always Jesus? Somehow?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 5:43 AM
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121

Isn't the answer always Jesus?

Yes.


Posted by: OPINIONATED POST-LIBERAL THEOLOGIANS | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 5:53 AM
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122

Isn't the answer always Jesus?

Jesus.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 6:09 AM
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123

Oh that stupid chain letter has made a comeback has it? Well, what should probably be in the kid's bed along with the peacefully sleeping kid is a copy of this chain letter debunking along with a note to the prankster to get some sort of a life.


Posted by: Miss Capri | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 6:16 AM
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124

I blame the rape jokes on heebie-heebie. Heebie-geebie would never do such a thing.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 7:21 AM
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125

Heebie's full of babymaking hormones. Nobody knows what she'll do next! It could be four months of swimming and Christy Turlington posts.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 7:29 AM
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126

Papa Ubu
Mama Ubu
Captain Bordure
King Wenceslas and Queen Rosemonde
Their sons Boleslas, Boggerlas, and Ladislas
General Laski
Stanislas Leczinsky
Johannes Sobiesky
Nicholas Rensky
Emperor Alexei
Palotins: Giron, Pile, Cotice
The Disembraining Machine
The Ship's Captain
Michael Fedorovitch
Nobles
Magistrates
Phynanciers
Councilors
The Whole Russian Army
The Whole Polish Army
Mama Ubu's Guards
A Captain
A Bear
The Phynancial Horse
The Crew
Conspirators and Soldiers
Crowds
Lackeys of Phynance
Peasants


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 9:37 AM
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127

118: Thanks for the warning. I don't even want to know what it is.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 9:58 AM
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128

Nothing but a link to a comment by Ogged from 2007.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 10:08 AM
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129

Whatevs, dude. I'm gonna trust Blume.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 10:13 AM
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130

If you're curious, the link is to an old comment thread that links to weird porn, and reading the thread will explain the porn.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 10:22 AM
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131

...Mutombo!


Posted by: Merganser | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 11:47 AM
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132

that links to weird porn

Specifically "the most hilariously weird porn ever," according to Dear Leader (PBUH).


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 3:50 PM
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133

114 and 131 get bonus points, but this whole thread has made my day. My guess was incredibly lame: a surprise party of all the baby sitter's friends.


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 4:18 PM
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134

Because you're a better person than the rest of the degenerates here.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 4:19 PM
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135

Well, I've been part of a lot of surprise birthdays lately. :-)

37 is incredibly sad, but I kind of feel like someone who was able to cry and loudly articulate his affirmation for himself in the tender youth of college is probably going to make it, and I'm hopeful for him, and sort of proud of his strength in dealing with his adversity. The friend, under the bed, not so much.


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 4:35 PM
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136

Obviously the babysitter should enter the bedroom to find a big bald dude weeping and balling the fuck out of someone.


Posted by: Mark f the occasional delurker | Link to this comment | 09-27-12 6:34 PM
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