Re: From an artist in Red Hook who glazes them with sea glass.

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joke

Merry Christmas, everyone.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 2:49 PM
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You can delete my post if you were just pranking the unfoggetariat.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 2:50 PM
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Nope, I'm a genuine idiot. I just have accumulated tabs of things that are post-able, and was weeding through them. Carry on, everyone. Merry idiotme.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 2:56 PM
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1: Phew.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 2:57 PM
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It's taking a modicum of humility not to just go delete the damn post, but then I'd have to think of something else to post...laziness vs sense of shame showdown!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:00 PM
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Ask yourself, "What would Jammies' brothers do?"


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:03 PM
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Sneer, roll their eyes, and get mad at my mother-in-law.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:06 PM
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is it surprising that I disagree completely with heebie on this?


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:15 PM
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by which I mean that I would have taken the $300 rent for-a-chamber-pot situation, and am also very gullible.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:16 PM
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also, merry christmas, errrbody.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:19 PM
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Were this a real story, I'd say "Don't rent from him, text - the landlord is a jerk! They should have six apartments share one bathroom rather than have one with a bathroom and five with a chamber pot."


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:23 PM
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MIL: Son, would you tell everyone downstairs that there's cheese and sausage and crackers up here if they'd like a snack?
BIL: DAAAAAAD! THERE'S CHEESE AND SAUSAGE AND CRACKERS!
(which would be mildly funny on its own.)
Everybody, in unison: All the babies are sleeping! Don't shout!
(In particular, a fussy nephew with an ear infection.)
BIL: They keep me up all damn night. Whatever.
(Stops being mildly funny whatsoever.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:32 PM
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And then another one, in quick succession, which I don't have the energy to transcribe. Stop getting mad at my mother-in-law over every damn little imaginary transgression!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:35 PM
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So I can't think of myself as a hipster because I pee off my patio?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 3:36 PM
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I really do have a lovely time here. I just want the brothers' bitchy antics to have their radio signal boosted.


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 4:13 PM
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OT: It turns out that Accept's "Blood of the Nations," and particularly "Beat the Bastards" and "Teutonic Terror" is the best Christmas Eve album, if your Christmas Eve consists if driving 8 hours and then going to the food mall of death to buy stuff for Christmas dinner.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 4:31 PM
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Hey Halford have you heard either Neurosis' Honor Found in Decay or Eagle Twin's The Unkindness of Crows?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 4:35 PM
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The Eagle Twin song "Carry On, King of Carrion" is one of two songs I know of that rhyme "carrion" and "carry on" (the other being Sleepytime Gorilla Museum's "Cockroach").


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 4:36 PM
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HH is living should be writing a sitcom.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 5:52 PM
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17 -- I hadn't until now. Very nicely heavy. Merry Christmas, everyone.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 6:08 PM
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||

Christmas is for unfriending the middle-school acquaintance on Facebook who told me to "take [my] liberal bullshit and shove it". Maybe I should unfriend more people while I'm at it.

|>


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 6:19 PM
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Wouldn't it be super illegal to dump your chamber pot in the street?


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 6:21 PM
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21: *like*


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 6:31 PM
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||

NMM to Oscar Madison or Quincy M.E.
Jack Klugman RIP.

|>


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 6:59 PM
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24: Sad face. In my heart of hearts, he is always Juror Number 5.


Posted by: rob.helpy.chalk | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 7:08 PM
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Sad about Jack Klugman. He was one of the good ones -- though I know nothing about him personally. My mom would have been really bummed, loving Quincy as she did. I thought he was pretty cool too, so it was a bonding point.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 7:08 PM
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Halford, I've now finished 3 of those Patrick Melrose novels, and I'm loving them. Heavy-handed, but great. Thanks! Merry Christmas!


Posted by: x.trapnel | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 7:15 PM
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I mean, of course I pirated them.


Posted by: x.trapnel | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 7:16 PM
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22: The comments in the OP link to this map, which shows that most of the NYC sewers are combined, rather than separate sanitary and storm sewers. Which doesn't address whether it's illegal, but as a matter of final treatment, shitting into a street drain is exactly equivalent to flushing down a toilet.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 7:24 PM
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OT, of course, and O Mineshaft, we got the call tonight that Mara's three siblings and four cousins have beenremoved from their aunt's home for what I expect was legitimate over-discipline or under-supevision. I have agreed to help the aunt get her own children home ASAP but I think Lee and I will agree to take the other siblings for two weeks or so (from when the current single mom with her own seven kids who took them in hits her breaking point) but then we're going to hit the really awkward spot where I've always hoped for a chance to parent 6-year-old Trinity and it should be much easier for many reasons to get the older two a home within the family. But of course Ler doesn't want to add another 6-year-old and I'll have to figure out where my obligations and ethical allegiances lie. I know the right answer is "with Lee" but she's snoring so mch she makes me reconsider since I can't fall asleep and have nothing better to do,


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 9:25 PM
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OH WOW. Geez, Thorn, you've got all my compassion and support.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 9:41 PM
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Ehhh, I knew this was coming someday and did warn our worker about it a month ago. Despite not having been the one who wanted to travel for Xmas, I'm really glad we did since we missed the moment when kids were doled out, etc. i was hoping the dad of the elder two would have his shit together before this moment got here, but maybe he has family members or something. Trinity's dad is back in town, but he's not an option for day-to-day parenting. Argh.

In other news, I did the Santa thing and even drank the milk, gnawed on carrots. I'm thinking Nia's vocal non-belief may mask a yearning to believe, so I want to leave her that option. And Mara put out the food and will be glad it's gone. Tonight, I don't care much about intellectual purity. I am just so sad for all these kids who are displaced and sad at Christmas.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 9:49 PM
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What Heebie said.


Posted by: x.trapnel | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 9:50 PM
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I didn't get the kids anything and had a passing moment of rage tonight when Hawaii opened her first four presents and they were all clothes, while hokey pokey and the nephew unwrapped action toys.

Mostly it turned out she had toys to come, and the boys had clothes to come. But clearly what washed over me was this visceral memory of so many holidays when my brothers got awesome toys and I got clothes or something dull.


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 12-24-12 10:02 PM
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Insomnia!


Posted by: heebie-heebie | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 12:23 AM
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Woo!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 12:35 AM
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So talk at the bar update. I learned that more people are killed in the us baseballbats rather than guns, and was the only one oppossed to the idea of multiple armed guards at every school. So your pulse of America


Posted by: Asteele | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 12:42 AM
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Bah drunk iPhone: he was arguing more people are killed in the USA by baseballbats than buy guns.


Posted by: Asteele | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 12:44 AM
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Police Navidad!


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 12:56 AM
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38: there's a graphic going around the Other Place with that one. They fail to subtract gun deaths from the denominator, so they look like less than half of all murders.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 2:51 AM
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Guns don't kill people, overly compounded nouns kill people.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 6:00 AM
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I have a cold. I feel this is tragic/unjust even though I don't celebrate whatsitcalled. I woke up about thirty times last night, a few hours apart. It was a very long night.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 7:07 AM
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Oh and I had left my phone somewhere in the darkened apartment so I couldn't even liveblog my cold.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 7:09 AM
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Merry Christmas Mineshaft!


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 8:28 AM
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My BS meter was set off by the linked article because I thought to myself, wouldn't a bathroom-less (illegal) apartment in Park Slope go for more than $300 a month?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 8:48 AM
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I had the same thought as 45. An apartment in Park Slope without a bathroom is an office or a work studio, and would go for way more than $300.

Mele Kalikimaka, everyone.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 8:53 AM
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Further to 39: http://bsnorrell.blogspot.com/

I guess it just wouldn't be Christmas without the MPD hassling a Bellecourt.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 9:07 AM
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Also, did everyone see this: http://dorsetchiapassolidarity.wordpress.com/2012/12/22/more-than-40000-zapatistas-mobilize-in-5-chiapas-municipalities/

40,000 strong! Awesome!


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 9:09 AM
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but she's snoring so mch she makes me reconsider

It's like you're one of Heebie's BILs.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 11:47 AM
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This isn't really humorous, but it is on the topic of bitching about in-laws:

AB's stepmother, who is a painfully dull person, is here, and her sole contribution is doing some dishes. Sunday night we had neighbors over, and I cooked all day, so there were tons of dishes. AB & I went to bed while step-mom did some dishes. She ran the dishwasher before she went to bed. When we got up, AB started putting things in it because, in a house full of dirty dishes, she ran the dishwasher about 2/3 empty.

WHAT KIND OF AN INSANE MORON WOULD DO THAT?


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 11:50 AM
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I just ate two pounds of cow tenderloin and boy do I feel great.

Merry Christmas.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 12:01 PM
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It was cooked by my mother-in-law, so in-laws have uses.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 12:08 PM
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This year for Christmas I'm hoping Robert Halford actually reads that book explaining how politicians' speeches don't have any effect on public opinion so that we can discuss its merits.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 5:12 PM
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The next decent food I eat from an in-law will be the first.

My FIL has contributed a number of strong Schnapps (although never in bottle form here in the states), but that's a different category.

Thanks to the aforementioned neighborhood open house, we had leftovers for Xmas dinner (tomorrow night my dad arrives, and there will be a roast). Somehow, this nonetheless translated into 5 hours in the kitchen for me*. Still, a nice Xmas.

* I made fresh butter for my MIL, so I needed to make fresh rolls (that are fussy but amazing) for her to have with butter. AB was under the weather, so I had to make red velvet cake on her behalf. And there were no leftover veg, so I roasted a squash for a salad.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 6:56 PM
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My in-laws have been feeding me and giving me wine and whiskey for the past 24 hours.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 7:16 PM
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I'm waiting for them to sleep so I can confirm that they have enough Canadian to float half of a ham.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 7:23 PM
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Don't try that unless you have really dry ham. Something about the specific gravity of alcohol being lower than that of water.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 7:33 PM
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30 and 32: That sounds harder than what I dealt with. Cleaning up after my mother on the couch and watching her made me on edge. I gave her a ton of immodium in advance, but we still had problems.

I bought the food pre-prepared, and I'm still exhausted.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 7:40 PM
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Prepared. I don't get why I said pre-prepared.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 7:41 PM
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That sounds rough also. Would you like some salty Crown Royal?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 8:00 PM
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To the OP: it's good satire, although I'm not sure why they blew the "for only $1200 a month..." part of the joke. ISTM you could also easily sucker people into believing in hipster debutante balls -- with a serious society apparatus attached -- but those may well exist (I am not about to google it).

Here's a late-present request, if anyone is able to advise: in a collective search for a nice raincoat, someone close to me expressed interest in this model, which is no longer available. Do any of you know of a similar item, or generally good places to shop? (Bonus points if, instead of costing $235, it costs $23.50.)


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 12-25-12 8:17 PM
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