Respectfully, you do not want a stapler to kiss your ass.
I have no relevant opinions about staplers, but I do like this post. We have met Andy Rooney and he is us.
I heard a rumor that the IPhone 6 is going to have a stapler app.
2 produced a literally OL L.
Also there are better staplers, they are just more expensive. Also mid-1990s toothbrush improvements were not exactly masterpieces of utility-adding consumer engineering, but Proctor & Gamble (owners of Oral-B) does have an excellent marketing department. Also also also.
Also I'd like a stapler I can operate with my mind and that doesn't require staples.
5: This doesn't require staples, and I don't know about you, but I control my hand with my mind, and my staplers with my hand.
Consumer-oriented design, or whatever you'd call the revolution in toothbrush appearance, seems like it has come too late to save something designed to hold pieces of paper together. Aren't we supposed to have paperless offices by now?
Seriously, I know people in general are nowhere near paperless and if anything worse in some ways, but my office is fairly paper-light. I use Post-It notes, print out e-mails sometimes if I want to refer to something in a conversation, and take notes on a spiral-bound notebook sometimes. But each project generates only three or four documents in its lifetime that actually has to be printed out, and the only people who print out documents and edit them by hand are managers too old to learn new tricks and too high-ranked for for anyone to tell them not to. (I'll cover my ass and say that I can easily imagine smart people editing things by hand. Just not in my office.) More simply put, very pointy-haired.
Now, a paperless stapler would be odd...
Now, a paperless stapler would be odd...
I really don't want to stand by the editing of my comment.
re: 7
I'm not particularly pointy haired, or that old. But I still annotate some things by hand, and I take reams of hand written notes throughout projects. That said, I don't print that much out. But I fill a biggish notepad every couple of weeks.
Somehow when I clicked on the thread I thought #11 would be an explanation of how Europe and Britain have had newfangled staplers for years and how weird it is that we still have the old ones.
12 made me laugh. It's hilarious how the US is returning to its traditional role as cultural backwater.
I really like my Swingline stapler, and not just in the "eh, it's okay" way, but in the "put a name tag on it, it's mine, get away you lousy thieving coworkers" way.
Some of my work colleagues use paperless staplers of the type linked above. But not, here in enlightened topless, etc. it's largely just the ordinary bendy metal strip kind.
You can sit and dream of the wondrous staplers of the future, or you can try to bring back some of the badass staplers of the past.
I really like my Swingline stapler, and not just in the "eh, it's okay" way, but in the "put a name tag on it, it's mine, get away you lousy thieving coworkers" way.
s/b:
And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire
11: Sure. If you're working with documents longer than a page and you want to work on them away from a computer at all, printing them out and stapling them makes perfect sense. Sounds like education, and lots of other jobs or fields that don't come to mind right away.
And in hindsight, I may have been harsher to the higher-ups using printouts than printouts alone deserve because it's my job to make their comments usable to everyone else. Extra work for me of a particularly annoying kind for little to no good reason. I'd instantly care about it a lot less if I had a different job. They're definitely point-haired for other reasons as well, though.
I run a shockingly paperless office (and my last actual office, featuring cow-orkers, was pretty paperless as well), but that's partly because I really hate to create waste. I have entire, significantly-sized projects for which the only paper in the file folder is a signed contract, field measurements, and 2-6 incidental sheets. Obviously I create scrap paper along the way (marked-up drawings, meeting notes), but it's all temporary, not for the record.
Honestly, most of the time that that I do file and save paper, it's really some sort of superstition rather than any rigorous, defensible need for it. Just last week I junked most of the stored drawings I have - I only ever look at the PDFs anyway.
Mostly I'm stapling student homework. They take a weekly quiz and staple it to the assignment they're turning in that day, so I bring a stapler.
Once a semester, I have a monstrous amount of student paperwork that comes in, and I have to unstaple it all and scan it in, which is a total PITA. The forms ought to be submittable online but my IT person is a grumpasaurus, so I delay dealing with her.
14: If you like it that much you have to say "Thtaypluh." Is it red?
My brother informed me that the Pentagon has a special automated service for transforming emails into faxes and faxes into email so that generals who have entered the 21st century can communicate with those who haven't.
It's hilarious how the US is returning to its traditional role as cultural backwater.
If that is happening it's more like "technological backwater". As Yglesias likes to point out when he isn't bashing labor unions and extolling globalized of labor markets, the fact that all the new wealth in this country goes to the rich means there isn't a mass market of people who want to replace their adequate objects with state-of-the-art objects.
22 is great. I hope it's called a wurmhole.
I will take the swingline, personally, the ass kissing kind or otherwise.
Data point: Oral-B tootbrushes are made by Teamsters. There are not, I don't believe, any union-made staplers.
I fangle old when it comes to staplers, but newfangled ones do exist. They are electric and staple perfectly every time. The downside is that you need to plug them into the wall so you have yet another goddamn cord on your desk and what happens when the power goes out and you need to staple together the pages of your fix the goddamn power already form?
You can buy them at Staples, which is a good name for a place that sells that sort of thing. Or basic foodstuffs.
22: some might, but I've never seen that as being necessary--every general/flag officer or civilian equivalent that I've any experience with (from 1 on up to 4 stars) uses email extensively.
Top hit for me on that search is Office Depot, not Staples. Coincidence?
May I recommend the Stanley Bostitch B8® Heavy Duty Impulse Drive™ Electric Stapler? From the reviews: When this staples, it is very loud and with such a bang that the suction cups on the bottom come lose from the desktop. The staples are fastened so tightly it is difficult to get them out without tearing the paper. Clearly intended as a negative review, but let's face it - extremely secure staples delivered with a loud bang is pretty much all one could ask for in this area. Plus Impulse Drive! Nobody yet has a warp technology stapler but I bet the boffins at Bostitch are working day and night on it.
Clam Clip sounds like a very uncomfortable chastity device.
32: Doesn't sound as uncomfortable a chastity device as staples.
Of course generals can't use printouts or faxes- you can't get the proper powerpoint animation effects in that medium.
Huh. I've never had a crappy stapler. But, then, I've never really had a job in which I'd depend on a stapler. So, who knows. Surely there's a niche for this.
Of course generals can't use printouts or faxes- you can't get the proper powerpoint animation effects in that medium
They use their privates for that.
They use their privates for that.
I knew some of the services had sexual harassment problems, but I guess it goes all the way to the top.
There are not, I don't believe, any union-made staplers.
I would find Union Made Promotional Products more convincing if it explained which unions made the staplers, but this is what they offer.
OP:
I've never had one which seems endlessly durable. They jam, or the top pops open too often (mini-staplers, I'm looking at you), or they're inconsistent, or maybe I've just had a run of shitty staplers but this current Swingline can kiss my ass
I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you're doin' it rong.*
Now, you got your people who hold the stapler in one hand and apply it to the corner of the papers, held in the other hand. THEN you got your people who leave the stapler on the desk, stick the corner of the papers under the stapley part, and smack the stapler's top viciously. The latter people are going to experience stapler difficulties: they are going to have top-popping-open and jamming problems. I have witnessed these people with my own eyes.
* Mini-staplers aren't meant to be serious, and if that's the problem, never mind any of this.
It's not as if the former people are going to fare any better.
I unfold the stapler so I can hold the base in my left hand. Then, I use the tip of the stapler to hold the materials to be stapled against my forehead, and briskly slam my forehead into a table.
Wow, that's a lot of wrong packed into one stapler-mis-wisdom-ball. Clearly not all staplers are meant to be picked up. You can tell by whether they're shaped for gripping, and whether they've got that heavy rubber base and harsh edges that would give me owies.
Furthermore that sounds tiring to my poor hand to staple 40 packets of paper, using the squeeze approach.
I put the individual staple standing up like a horseshoe on the pack of papers. Then I bite down and rely on the gentle curvature of my molars to shape the staple into its closed position. Easy-peasy.
I got a high-falutin' job just for the purpose of paying other people to staple for me. The kicker is, they're not actually stapling anything important. Just scratch paper. One-percenter, FTW.
What do you do with the other 99% of the paper?
43: The squeeze approach is the only way. I have experienced staplers (Swinglines) with 20-30 years to their names which have not failed.
Either that or you're totes loading the staples badly. You have to pick out and discard those last bits of only 7 or 3 staples, you know.
We have one of them big fancy copiers that can collate and staple, so whenever I have a bunch of papers I want stapled, I set the copier to staple, run the papers through, then throw out the originals. The staple always ends up in the same position, the machine is super consistent.
I've been to some libraries and computer labs - not fancy computer labs, just the "labs" where there's a bunch of computers for students to use - that have had what I'm guessing are electric, high-powered staplers like the ones togolosh is talking about where all you do is put the corner of the stack of papers beneath the stapler head and that triggers some sort of sensor and the stapler closes with a loud bang and you get a heavy-duty staple in your paper. The only problem was that if you weren't careful with how you insert the paper, you got a very hard-to-remove staple either too far or too close to the edge of the paper and you'd have to try again.
It's actually been a few years since I've seen that kind of stapler. I do all my stapling in the cloud now.
I pretty much never staple things. Good thing, I guess, given my technique.
I do all my stapling in the cloud now.
Oh hey pwned.
You have to pick out and discard those last bits of only 7 or 3 staples, you know.
I do know, but it drives me up a wall. Why should the built-in mechanism require wasting the last few staples? Can't they build on some fake-staples to the metal spring-loaded bit, and then you can use all the staples you load in?
The squeeze approach is nonsense. I'm not going to hector 40 students to all pick up the stapler when they're turning in their quizzes.
The electric staplers are probably very nice, but again I'm not going to haul it to class with me.
The squeeze approach is the only way. I have experienced staplers (Swinglines) with 20-30 years to their names which have not failed.
Nooooo! The heavier, more expensive metal staples are clearly not meant to be picked up. And yet if you try to be very gentle with them, placing your papers, then gently bringing the top of the stapler down into contact with them, and only then applying the necessary pressure for the staple to penetrate the paper, the staple will often get fucked up. They require a decisive stapling action (which is not to say a vicious smacking).
But if the solution is for h-g's students to pick up the stapler, maybe she should get one of those that sits upright and ready grabbing position.
When I was an undergrad I definitely considered it my responsibility to staple my own papers before turning them in (one student group office I was in a lot had a stapler near the door that may have been their most popular public service). Since mini-staplers all suck, I ended up doing a lot of creative pinch-fold-tear tricks with the green graph paper I wrote on.
They require a decisive stapling action
Can't argue with that.
If I didn't do this in-class quiz thing, I'd demand that they came with their papers stapled. I make my upper level students type all their proofs.
Since I want the quizzes graded by the grader and counted as part of the homework grade, it makes sense to provide a stapler so that they can staple their quiz to their homework.
creative pinch-fold-tear tricks
I loathe these tricks. The kids get really ninja with them.
Hey brewmaster Williams- the parents of a guy at work do maple sugaring for fun and end up with excessive amount of sap. What happens if you try to brew it? A couple people at work like to brew mead and they were intrigued by the possibility.
46
The other 99% of the paper takes out the garbage. And drives me to golf.
Unless a stapler is involved in the sap brewing process.
14: JM and I own (and cherish!) the same stapler.
Can't someone invent some sort of spring mechanism that lets you slam down on the stapler and have it react as if it's been carefully squeezed?
Most of the staplers at work are always out of staples. Just like the printers are always out of paper. And the chalkboards are missing chalk. You would think these things would be easily dealt with.
Of course, if the coffee runs out it's like a national emergency and instantly dealt with.
Wait, what am I talking about, this is America; national emergencies are never dealt with. Insert whatever the right analogy is, then ban me.
67: you should write an artisanal stapling book and go on tour.
In my little office/clinic thing at the law school, elections have been won and lost over stapler policies. We had a golden age that lasted about 6 months, but lately it's been getting dire. We need staples because the judges scold us if we don't use them; no electronic filing.
one of those that sits upright and ready grabbing position
I think these are convenient and in their way beautiful. Yet, when my sister was trying to choose a college major and flirted with ME for a week (our dad is an engineer), she talked to the department's undergraduate advisor and was horrified to see him pick up such a stapler and give a five-minute declamation on its virtues, as ambassadorship for the profession. She's in pharmacy now.
Did flirting with you help your sister choose a college career?
Anyhow Henry Petroski is the champion of the "o, the glory of the stapler" genre.
I have heard that mechanical engineering is all fun during school and then you get your masters and find yourself designing toothpaste tubes or whatever, but the one mech. eng. I know built robot fish and now makes things cold with lasers so don't believe the hype.
sister don't like EE
sister don't like ME
nothin for sister but far-ma-cee
Revenge is best served cold with lasers.
I think these are convenient and in their way beautiful.
Me too, but I've never gotten one because they somehow seem like way too much stapler for me. Like they're at the ready all the time in a way I just don't need. My stapler sits quietly out of the way, waiting patiently for the rare occasions I need it.
I've nearly bought a Petroski book a couple of times but then I think, am I really going to read a book about the pencil right now? I can wait.
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I'm some kind of mad genius, I tell you! Mad!
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For the little stapling I do, I've found that a mini-stapler is actually fine and I've had the same one for something like 10 years. It's only good for <15 or 20 sheets of paper but I rarely need more than that. I usually use regular gray staples instead of the weird green staples it came with, though.
Also, I recently mailed my passport renewal form and had to borrow a stapler from a hotel front desk because the mini-stapler couldn't reach far enough to make all four staples required by the U.S. government for attaching one of the photos. But that doesn't happen very often.
82: I haven't read the pencil one, but the other ones are great. Particularly the one about failure.
am I really going to read a book about the pencil right now?
The bit about the pencil in Transparent Things is probably the best thing in the book. I don't know that Nabokov ever tackled the stapler?
I've never seen the failure one (or ones, I guess) but I have seen the pencil one and the bookshelf one a few times. I'm sure I'd like them. At some point in the future.
This discussion is reminding me of how disappointed I was to learn that there are apparently no decent used bookstores in town, even though there are colleges and universities in the area. (Also, the university bookstore, though it looks like a university bookstore, is one of those big chain affiliates.)
Just found 10 dollars on the sidewalk. I win.
Huh, the one in 91 is handsome. Seriously, people, you need to look through the archives of the blog I linked in 16. So many crazy staplers!
93 is right, you should look at it. Isn't the internet marvellous? Any old mundane object, and someone else is already obsessed with it.
I don't know about you, but I control my hand with my mind, and my staplers with my hand.
IT IS BY WILL ALONE THAT I SET THE STAPLES IN MOTION.
SERIOUSLY, KID, SOME ANCIENT OFFICE ACCESSORY IS NO MATCH FOR A GOOD TREASURY TAG BY YOUR SIDE.
Now, you got your people who hold the stapler in one hand and apply it to the corner of the papers, held in the other hand. THEN you got your people who leave the stapler on the desk, stick the corner of the papers under the stapley part, and smack the stapler's top viciously. The latter people are going to experience stapler difficulties: they are going to have top-popping-open and jamming problems.
parsimon:staplers::gswift:firearms
And in urple's world random drunken stapling breaks out at every campfire.
Just found 10 dollars on the sidewalk.
Impossible!
I remember as a youth having one of these non-stapling staplers and thinking it was very hi-tech and cool. It basically attaches mini-bulldog clips to things instead of staples. Can't say I've ever seen one since though.
And in urple's world random drunken stapling breaks out at every campfire.
I have just invented what I believe to be a completely novel form of staple.
I just realised my freezer has been defrosting for about a day and a half. (I only meant to leave it off for an hour). This means I will have to cook all the frigging meat I had in it.
100 - oh, we've got one of those - I think my dad bought it for Kid Aa few years ago. I use it when I have a bundle of paper too thick for a stapler. It's useful.
I would find Union Made Promotional Products more convincing if it explained which unions made the staplers
Yeah, as with many of the "union" swag providers, you have to ask for clarification on whether it's the item that's union made or just the printing on it.
(I use that company for some things. The proprietor always calls me "Miss FirstName.")
Miss Sir? I can see why that's confusing.
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I just noticed that a job ad to which I applied requested, very explicitly several times, that I include salary history and requirements. I completely blanked these instructions out and didn't do it. Do I resubmit my application through the automated site with the salary info, or just write it off? Is it a lost cause either way ("detail-oriented problem-solver"...)? The listing I saw had these instructions, but the original job listing on the company website does not, BUT I stated where I saw the ad on the application form.
Oh FFS.
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I wouldn't worry about it -- refusing to give a salary history or requirements is (I have the impression) a savvy negotiating tactic, and if they're going to punish you for it you probably don't want to work there.
On the other hand, I wouldn't take my own advice about job hunting if anyone who had a clue disagreed with me.
100: yeah, those are just like the Clam Clip.
Oh, so they are. That'll teach me not to click on let-me-google-that-for-you links.
Yes. Well I think we all learned a valuable lesson, today.