Re: Facebook is so terrible

1

???


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:22 AM
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I have a soft spot for good intentions in real life, even if they haven't been thought through at all well. But real life does not translate into fb smoothly for many people, reading this would bug me too.

Also, I thought boobs were forbidden there.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:25 AM
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"The African tribe." Might as well have put up some photos of otters snuggling.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:26 AM
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Now send this message to 100 friends or we'll copyright your song and sue you every time you want to have sex.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:31 AM
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O.K., Marty, it's like a live-action Happy Feet, but instead of penguins they're African villagers. And the women walk around bare-breasted, which will bring in the teenage male demographic. I'm thinking Beyoncé in the lead role. Can we greenlight it?


Posted by: Opinionated Hollywood pitchman | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:31 AM
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You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions

D'j'y'think?


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:33 AM
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Jeesh, people can get so crabby and cynical, when they haven't had anyone to sing them their song


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:37 AM
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This seems less like a "Facebook is terrible" post than a "People are terrible" one.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:39 AM
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...and for one particularly unlucky African child, that song was Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone".


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:40 AM
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What's your song, Peep, so that I may sing to you?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:40 AM
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This seems less like a "Facebook is terrible" post than a "People are terrible" one.

Possibly. But they used to be better concealed. ]


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:41 AM
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Hey, this is where I can brag that Mara's latest totally adorable hobby is reenacting the entirety of the Babies movie (while watching it) with her baby doll, although she's been breaking the longstanding rule about no spitting on your baby to clean her while pretending to be Ponijao's mom. I think this is Babies-specific and not a gateway drug to Rocky Horror or whatever, but I guess we'll see as she grows.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:41 AM
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Topically, we are having a birthday party this weekend for my mom's boyfriend the African tribesman. His tribe actually don't keep track of birthdays at all, so I believe that the imbued-with-meaning song we will be singing to him is "Happy Birthday" or, if the rights to that aren't available, "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow". Also, the date of the birthday is made up, and we are not (to my mom's immense social benefit) sure how old he actually is.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:41 AM
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I think this is Babies-specific and not a gateway drug to Rocky Horror or whatever, but I guess we'll see as she grows.

Hey, we showed Rocky Horror to the kids. Or at least the musical numbers.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:43 AM
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This exact same thing would have been the subject of a post called "Email is so terrible" six years ago.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:45 AM
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The person who posted this is, of course, a basically lovely person with really good intentions.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:45 AM
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There is a tribe in Africa America where people make up bullshit stories about tribes in Africa or Native American tribes with gay abandon.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:46 AM
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a basically lovely person with really good intentions.

Like the ones that the road to Hell is paved with?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:47 AM
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There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance. There's a tribe in Africa where the naked ladies sing.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:49 AM
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18: More like the background music on the road than the pavement.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:50 AM
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Topically, we are having a birthday party this weekend for my mom's boyfriend the African tribesman.

Holy crap, Sifu is Bridget Jones!


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:52 AM
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otters snuggling
What is wrong with you people?
Cute animals and children are part of what makes the internet great. One thoughtless platitude is OK, or one forwarded joke. It's repetition, especially from the same person, that makes them irritating.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:53 AM
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22: LAMBS, hooray!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 7:58 AM
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21: on googling... hah, wow. Well, there you go.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:00 AM
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I mean, it's enough of a cliché that I figured it had to have been in some romantic comedy or other. I was thinking maybe a Diane Keaton vehicle, but sure, Bridget Jones, that works.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:03 AM
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And Bridget Jones is a great book, up there with Wodehouse for perfectly-executed style. Honestly, Helen Fielding and David Sedaris give me some hope-- finding funny writing that is not also insulting is really difficult. Oh, wait, Augusten Burroughs also, another contemporary funny writer.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:06 AM
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Wow, what a fucked up story. Yeah, conception totally works like that. Also, women are totally the ones to decide if and when to have a kid. All over the world.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:10 AM
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27: But, it's a nice fantasy, isn't it?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:23 AM
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10: That is very sweet of you to offer, heebie.

If only I knew!

Wah!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:25 AM
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Yeah, conception totally works like that. Also, women are totally the ones to decide if and when to have a kid.

Exactly. If a woman isn't singing the right song, her body has ways of shutting that whole thing down.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:29 AM
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Yeah, conception totally works like that. Also, women are totally the ones to decide if and when to have a kid.

Conception by means of Africans singing? It's called the natural rhythm method, Blume. Surely you've heard of it.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:36 AM
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A friend of mine was in the Peace Corps in Burkina Faso, where they have a similar heartwarming tradition.

Apparently the locals there have the belief that if you miscarry, it is because the spirit of the baby is punishing you. If you miscarry repeatedly, the same baby spirit is punishing you each time, by starting to come into your life and then leaving.

SO! The way to avoid miscarrying is to convince the baby spirit that it is NOT WANTED. That way, it will think it can't punish you by making you miscarry. And all sorts of rituals develop to help convince a fetus that it is NOT WANTED.

This is how one man in the village came to have a name that translates as "dog shit."


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:40 AM
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22 - I love internet otters! But on Standpipe's blog, I was talking about The Otter.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:46 AM
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I believe 31 wins the day.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:46 AM
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34: Indeed. I made an undignified yelping noise, trying not to laugh.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:48 AM
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It was ajay's 9 that caused me to very nearly L right OL.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 8:52 AM
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31.last: All the other people named Dog Shit got the name because the in-laws pressed them to use a name with family tradition.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 9:03 AM
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It's called the natural rhythm method, Blume. Surely you've heard of it.
Of course she's heard of it, she's like 8 months pregnant, right?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 9:05 AM
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37: In Samoa, that's a possible thing to say about a guy named Chicken Shit.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 9:06 AM
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Chicken Shit should get a fake girlfriend and own the whole internet.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 9:08 AM
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Heebs, there's some problem with your post. I clicked "read more", but I still can't totally see her boobs.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 10:26 AM
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Yeah, I was promised boobs.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 11:58 AM
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Oh, well, an African tribe. That explains it!

31 is perfect.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 1:49 PM
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OT, but this type of thing is always on topic for Unfogged.

"Alas!" one customer lamented in 1803, "for the last 14 days, I have turned my cock repeatedly, but nothing comes from it."

Laying pipe in NYC.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 4:50 PM
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31 really is fabulous.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-18-13 4:56 PM
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26 finding funny writing that is not also insulting is really difficult

Sarah Caudwell! Unless you went to Cambridge.


Posted by: Sheila | Link to this comment | 04-19-13 8:59 AM
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I don't know that she's less enjoyable if you went to Cambridge. It might make you feel smug about being less completely up yourself than those who had been to another place.


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 04-19-13 12:07 PM
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So, a college friend of mine posts on FB: "My coworker also believes that President Obama was protecting the Boston Marathon bomber, sneaking him out of the country to keep the bomber safe and free from prosecution. Wow. Just ... wow."

First comment in reply from one of her friends: "If you go look at the photos there are 2 guys with backpacks and after the bombs several photos if the same guys running without backpacks. They are wearing the same boot type shoes and you can see they have sons type of device in their hands. Can't tell if its a cell phone or what? Very fishy."

FB truly is horrible.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 04-21-13 11:44 AM
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