Re: No.

1

She just added that she likes her JakToGo. Which makes the whole thing seem more reasonable, actually. She has one, she likes it, why not see if others do too.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:13 PM
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2

This one is great: "Air travel not crushing your soul enough? Why not literally put the weight of the world on your shoulders?"


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:24 PM
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3

My mother asked me if I wanted a copy of Franzen's new book, and I told her that I definitely did not.

She then sent it to me anyway.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:24 PM
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4

It's even better when you close your tags.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:24 PM
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5

Parents, amirite? They just don't understand!


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:24 PM
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6

I dunno, what if you had, like, forty-five pounds of meat around all day and wanted to be low-key?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:25 PM
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7

Worst John Woo movie ever.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:25 PM
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8

6 would have better with "to carry" inserted in it somewhere. Also it would have been better if it was directed to 3.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:26 PM
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9

The "JakToGo" marketing department probably should have focus-grouped that name a bit more.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:27 PM
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10

Actually, how is this thing not the world's biggest pain in the ass at an airport? Don't they make you empty your pockets?


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:29 PM
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11

You can just take your jacket off.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:31 PM
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12

A ringing endorsement:

"Steve McNamara of Ryanair said 'We have no problem with [Rufus Roo], we don't think its going to cause us any particular problems'."



Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:33 PM
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13

Maybe you can just take your jacket off and ... stuff it ... onto the conveyor belt.

Is it too soon to be contrarian? The JakToGo is just dumb and horrible. The Big Pocket Travel Jacket, though, now that's not totally stupid. Wouldn't wear it for air travel, though.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:33 PM
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14

Oh. My. God.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:37 PM
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15

13.2 cont'd: Except that the people pictured there all seem to be just stuffing into their big pockets things I would stuff into a shoulder bag, which is fine for carry-on.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:37 PM
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16

"Jak Togo" would be a great name for a post-colonial assassin in a series of potboiler thrillers.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:38 PM
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17

I dunno, Heebie. The model in that picture looks pretty happy with it.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:40 PM
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18

My mother went Orders Batty Products at a relatively early age. The kids got the brunt, so my son at about age 10 (when he was in fact a baseball nut) got salad tossers one of which had a mitt and the other a ball on the end. I was actually more gobsmacked that someone made them rather than that she bought them.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:42 PM
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Mom is aging into the Orders Batty Products age range,

I like the idea that there is a kind of perceptual shift that happens around retirement age. At puberty, the opposite sex goes from looking gross to looking fascinating. Similarly once the pension kicks in, the Ronco Pocket Fisherman starts looking like a really practical, clever idea.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:47 PM
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20

When you reach a certain age, you just start noticing that the veg-o-matic slices and dices. And really the whole world changes.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 1:51 PM
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21

The JakToGo is the reductio ad absurdum of the photographer's vest*, which is, unless you are a photographer in a war zone, pretty damn absurd to begin with.

* Disclaimer: I own one.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:00 PM
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22

It's plausible that as your body collapses you place your hope in convenience technology. Old people want to be cyborgs.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:02 PM
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23

How many old people are not cyborgs?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:03 PM
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24

3: Maybe your mom is tryiing to hint that you should spend less time online.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:08 PM
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25

At puberty, the opposite sex goes from looking gross to looking fascinating.

And once you've given up totally on sex, you can buy a vest that holds your luggage.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:08 PM
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26

Also, heteronormative.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:12 PM
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27

Convenience theology is as important as convenience technology. The straight and narrow path does not include attention to small comforts.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:14 PM
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28

I have been waging a lonely campaign for years to convert my family to a sensible gift approach vis a vis adults : wine/whiskey/brandy/etc, chocolates or flowers. Appropriate for all occasions, endlessly customizable for individual tastes and, crucially, perishable /consumable. I believe the resistance is based on some insane notion that such gifts are insufficiently 'personal' or some such which is in fact the whole POINT.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:15 PM
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29

How many old people are not cyborgs?

Hang on, I know this one. You take the number of habitable planets, you multiply it by the proportion of old people...


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:16 PM
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30

The real question is: Can you buy it through SkyMall?


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:18 PM
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31

28: I thought about getting you a bottle of 20-year-old single malt scotch, but I got you this JakToGo instead. In leopard print, because I know you like cats.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:19 PM
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30. I flew this weekend, so:
http://www.skymall.com/the-human-slingshot/HS5710508.html


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:20 PM
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33

I wonder how many bottles of single-malt scotch you could put in a JakToGo before you wouldn't fit down the aisle of the plane.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:31 PM
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34

You down with OBP?
Avoid the luggage fee.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:44 PM
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35

This is Skymall to the tune of "Skyfall", but it could be funnier.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:53 PM
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36

Oh my god, I did not expect to laugh until I was crying reading this thread. Thank you all.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 2:55 PM
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37

My dad orders tons of shit from various online vendors: white oxford-cloth shirts he'll never wear, super-fancy power strips and other cheap electronics, the occasional food-type item. It makes my mom crazy, but not nearly as crazy as the discovery that he had purchased $10,000 in Netflix stock. $10,000! (My parents are comfortably middle class, mind you, not rich.) Then the stock went waaaaaaay up, so now mom feels somewhat conflicted.

Meanwhile, she revealed yesterday that she's been wearing hearing aids for the past couple of years. Who's sneaking around now, mom?


Posted by: Von Wafer | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 3:05 PM
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32: I bought this for my son, who is 15, but we have been using it! It's super fun and good exercise. A bit dangerous for a 40 something woman and a bunch of drunks, but given only 1 hurt shoulder and 1 bloody nose, it was well worth it! Mine is not near as big as the picture shows, but perhaps it's will stretch out over time. Well worth the money spent

A 5-star comment on the slingshot.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 3:08 PM
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39

38. I am fascinated by your personal style and would like to subscribe to your webcam.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 3:10 PM
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40

This was clearly the right thread for the Thomas Kinkade-Star Wars mashups.

I see that the nasty will dispute between his wife and girlfriend ended last December. "Putting Mr. Kinkade's message of love, spirituality, and optimism at the forefront, the parties are pleased that they have honored Mr. Kinkade by resolving their differences amicably."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 3:17 PM
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Mine is not near as big as the picture shows, but perhaps it will stretch out over time.

Genus: Fruitus
Species: Lowium Hangium


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 3:24 PM
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42

My parents, who are the nicest and I don't mean this in a bitchy way, somewhere along the way mistook "Smearcase likes cats" for "Smearcase likes things with cats on them." T-shirts. An espresso cup. Stuff like that.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 4:24 PM
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43

The fact that I think those "vests" are unbelievably cool is probably was not as successful with the ladies as I might have otherwise been. See also the fact that I am a strong advocate of phone holsters.

Really, we all just need to wear utility belts. Or utility bandoliers. Or, maybe both.


Posted by: Trumwill | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 4:25 PM
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44

42: Sweater vest?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 4:34 PM
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45

42: Ask them for things with your parents on them instead. I am sad to see that the photo of my dad and stepmother has just about worn off my favorite mug.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 4:36 PM
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46

My parents don't buy me gifts, but for Mara's birthday my non-tech-savvy mom shopped on eBay for cheap individual doll outfits from a bunch of different sellers and then put them in a wicker hamper, which is actually a great gift.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 4:57 PM
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47

I can imagine a nice espresso cup that has a picture of a cat on or in it.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 5:05 PM
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48

I can imagine a great espresso cup with three wolves baying at the moon.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 5:13 PM
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49

"Put a wolf on it."


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 5:18 PM
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50

43: utility kilt. The trick is to combine your own (mistaken, but whatever) desire for pockets flaps and whatnot with a striking claim to sartorial independence. Some poor sap is bound to fall for it, if worn with elan.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 5:30 PM
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51

Gimme an E!
Gimme an L!
Gimme an E!
Gimme a C!
Gimme a T!
Gimme an I!
Gimme an O!
Gimme an N!
Gimme a thread!
What's that spell?
A place where we can discuss whether the correct article before letters is a or an!


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 5:36 PM
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42: This happened to me with my in-laws and birds. I now have bird salt and pepper shakers, a bird bath (maybe?), a bird purse, you name it! The bird purse was so ugly I used it for the irony...and then I grew to love it because it had such convenient pockets.

48: Have you all seen the sloth variation?


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 5:41 PM
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53

I'm wearing it now.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 5:52 PM
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54

[Nothing to see here, just preserving the sidebar.]


Posted by: x.trapnel | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 7:24 PM
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55

If only I'd clicked the link in 52.last before posting! Because that's hilarious, and I'm kind of surprised no one has yet bought it as a gift for me. (My friends give me sloth-related things sometimes.)


Posted by: x.trapnel | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 7:27 PM
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56

These are really spectacularly ugly


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 8:59 PM
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57

Liberty University votes just came in (can;t swing gov, but makes AG harder) Cooch 1161 McCauliffe 20.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 9:02 PM
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58

Oops, wrong thread.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11- 5-13 9:03 PM
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59

Upon clicking through the link, I went from "oh my that's awful" to "actually, maybe that's kind of cool" in a disturbingly short span of time.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 11- 6-13 1:49 AM
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A friend of mine, regarding the imminent birth of his first child, had what he thought was a brilliant idea: the Baby Chest Rig.
A chest rig is one of these: http://www.warriorassaultsystems.com/elite-ops-range/chest-rigs/
And the idea is that you take it and add one more huge pouch on the back, into which you put the baby. (cut holes in the bottom for the baby's legs to poke out, and a couple of bungee-cord loops to restrain the baby during rapid movement.) All the baby paraphernalia, meanwhile, goes in the pouches on the front, balancing the load.
His wife disagreed.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 6-13 2:37 AM
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There's a load of photography related tat of that like, as per MAE's comment above. Lots of rapid reaction straps, and holsters, and quick release waist mounts, and so on. Harnesses so you can carry three or four SLRs with lenses all ready to go at any second, and so on.

Much of the camera market is geared at the whole 'fantasize you are Don McCullin'* demographic. I expect no-one would make any money if their stuff only sold to the tiny percentage of people who have an actual need for it.

* actual peak-period Don McCullin at work, not so much with the fancy gear:

http://www.wemadethis.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/don_mccullin_nik_wheeler.jpg


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 11- 6-13 2:45 AM
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Saying nothing about the linked items (nor about any of the foregoing comments), I must say that garments geared towards "loading all the pockets with kid toys and producing a new toy every fifteen minutes during a flight" have been awfully appealing in my recent past.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 11- 6-13 7:58 PM
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