Re: A tiff

1

If they warn you about the throw praise isn't automatic unless the catch is diving or something. If the object is tossed at your head without warning and you snatch it out of the air like a motherfucking ninja then yes, they should affirm your awesomeness.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:44 AM
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2

Stop trying to make nice catch happen.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:45 AM
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3

A one-handed catch from any sort of distance IS nice. It is a nice catch.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:47 AM
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4

ANY sort of distance?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:48 AM
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5

I trip on, if not over, door jambs with reasonable frequency.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:49 AM
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6

I err on the side of courtesy.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:50 AM
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7

Oprah recommends frequent thanking and complimenting. That way nobody feels ignored for always doing the laundry.

She doesn't specify whether this advice applies more at one time of life or another, whether it's more relevant for people whose self-control is weak, or a bunch of other possible qualifications.

It seems like a good habit to me, especially during times when couples are getting along less well. Doing it only when there are difficulties doesn't work, it has to be a slightly cloying habit in order to have a positive effect.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:50 AM
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8

ANY sort of distance?

It's a figure of speech, used to imply "any sort of not-too-shabby distance".


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:51 AM
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9

1 gets it right. Done and done. Next topic!


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:52 AM
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10

ANY sort of not-too-shabby distance?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:54 AM
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11

a slightly cloying habit

When I think of the cloying people I have known, I remember that they only gave compliments if they perceived some obvious interest for themselves. I think that has something to do with the way that word is typically used.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:54 AM
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12

10: Oh, absolutely.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 10:58 AM
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13

You don't say "nice catch" to anyone over the age of six. It's downright rude.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:01 AM
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14

This thread needs more women.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:02 AM
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15

No self-respecting woman would be in favor of the soft bigotry of low expectations.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:08 AM
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16

When I make a nice catch, I just go, "HA! Look at me. Nice catch." And then I'm happy.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:08 AM
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17

is like complimenting them for not tripping over door jambs or hitting their head on the cabinet.

Door jambs are decent types, but cabinets are mean and violent; one should be congratulated on avoiding their sneaky attacks.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:11 AM
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18

You don't say "nice catch" to anyone over the age of six.

Indeed, it can only sound sarcastic unless you just saved a falling vase or something.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:13 AM
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19

No self-respecting woman would be in favor of the soft bigotry of low expectations.

You can say it to guys. Just add "no homo" after.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:14 AM
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20

What, like, all the time? Save "nice catch" for actual nice catches.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:14 AM
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21

I'm starting to understand: you all only conduct the pansiest of tosses. Perhaps if you were married to someone who lobbed items dramatically far, you'd be more sympathetic.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:15 AM
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22

If it's a nice catch say "nice catch." Exactly where the line is isn't clear, but at the very least "nice catch" should mean better than the average catch.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:16 AM
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23

Catching a tossed burp cloth isn't exactly plucking an arrow from the air mid-flight.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:17 AM
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24

To be clear, I'm not advocating saying "nice catch" for lame catches. For nice catches.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:17 AM
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25

RWM is in fact very good at catching things, so I do say "nice catch" (or it's equivalent) often. But not always.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:17 AM
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26

Catching a tossed burp cloth isn't exactly plucking an arrow from the air mid-flight.

Perhaps you are holding the baby, with puke on you, and had to move with some agility to get to the trajectory. In which case.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:18 AM
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27

Not catching, but I've been whining for cooking praise lately. The boyfriend is spending the week on a very restricted diet, and he complained about how bland everything was with all the restrictions. So, I've been making the tastiest things I can that adhere to the rules (roast chicken! pho!) and shamelessly begging for compliments afterwards.

So, in solidarity, saying nice catch seems simple enough, with an upgrade in awed tone if the catch is especially impressive.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:20 AM
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28

I'm starting to understand: you all only conduct the pansiest of tosses.

Proper etiquette indicates the the correct response to "Nice catch" is "You throw like a girl."


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:20 AM
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29

We generally go with "Oops! Sorry!" for such situations but that may not apply to your circumstances.


Posted by: widget | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:22 AM
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30

you are holding the baby, with puke on you, and had to move with some agility to get to the trajectory

Oh, you're looking for "good save." Totally different.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:24 AM
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31

If you're holding a baby with puke on you and Jammies shoots an arrow at you, you'd have excellent grounds for divorce.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:29 AM
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32

I know 27 is right that giving praise is easy, but Lee wants to be complimented for every single thing, especially if she ever cooks, and I get stingy about it. But here, ydnew, some people who appreciate blandness to help you feel better. I'm sure your food has been lovely!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:34 AM
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33

Since I drop things 9 times out of 10, I really do deserve that compliment. So, in conclusion, Heebie is right. I also trip over door jambs and hit my head on cabinets, though, and I kind of would like to be complimented when I don't.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:35 AM
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34

Since I have so little to offer otherwise, I'm generous with praise.

On those rare occassions when I don't drop something, my wife tends towards expressions of genuine surprise.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:48 AM
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35

There is an obvious compromise to be had between gswift's evidently correct 1 and heebie's desire to be praised every time she catches something: Jammies should restrict himself to tossing items at heebie's head without warning.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:52 AM
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36

Technically, the post doesn't specify whether Heebie wants praise for her catches, or Jammies wants *not* to be praised for his. Either way, it's all about tone.


Posted by: dz | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 11:56 AM
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37

OP gets it exactly backwards. Keys etc. should only be thrown in situations where catching them will be easy, and "nice catch" therefore unnecessary. If Jammies throws an object that is difficult to catch, what he should be saying is "whoops, sorry".


Posted by: L. | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:09 PM
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38

37 is a recipe for a boring marriage.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:18 PM
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39

32: Thank you, that was cheering. I miss Indian food. I think the little compliments generate goodwill only if both people do it a reasonable percentage of the time.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:18 PM
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40

HG is right that compliments should be given for a good catch but wrong that they should be vocalized. They should be communicate by facial expression.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:19 PM
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41

Maybe the part we're missing is that heebie's catching things with her vagina.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:26 PM
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42

They should be communicate by facial expression.

Better yet, by mating display.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:26 PM
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43

41: Like chlamydia?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:27 PM
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44

43: Or keys! Which, come on, if caught that way when tossed from across the room would totally merit a "nice catch".


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:29 PM
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45

I also want my food complimented when I cook, but I afford the same courtesy to others.


Posted by: J, Robot | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:48 PM
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46

heebie seems not to have mental space for the concept of a catch that is neither notably good not notably bad (or in heebiespeak, neither nice nor lame).


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 12:56 PM
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47

45: Complimenting food is tricky. Once I was trying to be polite about a dish that nobody else was eating and I almost polited things to the point where the hostess would have obligated to make more.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 1:00 PM
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48

I also want my food complimented when I cook

Have you tried throwing it at your dinner companions?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 1:12 PM
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49

46: To be fair, she's a soccer player. Catching rarely enters into the equation.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 1:15 PM
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50

I also want my food complimented when I cook

I don't usually talk to food. (semi-pwned, I know)


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 1:20 PM
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51

47 is why I get large boxes of homemade caramels every year for my birthday made lovingly by the boyfriend's mother and her husband. I think maybe I complimented some they made once, years ago? They're too kind.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 1:40 PM
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52

(They're not bad, but receiving pounds every year is a bit much.)


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 1:42 PM
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53

50: basis of one of my favorite "guy walks into a bar" ever, the "complimentary peanuts." Love that joke.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 1:50 PM
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54

'nice catch' only if it is indeed a particularly good catch. But a wink and a click of the tongue would suffice in most of those instances too. I'm a pretty good catcher though so the only person whose approval I want is my own. (Like parking.)

I checked with C, who is much more praise-hungry than me, and he thought it was unnecessary too.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 3:02 PM
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55

Not complimenting nice catches is a mark of respect for the other person's catching ability. You say "nice catch" when someone catches something you didn't think they were capable of catching. Not saying nice catch implies that you think they are generally capable of catching difficult-to-catch things.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 3:53 PM
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56

On the earnest side of things, I really am a big believer in compliments for small things and lots of praise. It's easy, and it makes one feel good. I can't think of a better route for at least some marital happiness. (Granted, I suspect I have a pretty dog-like personality. It might not work for more sophisticated beings.)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 3:59 PM
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57

That was a really insightful comment, Parenthetical!


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 4:03 PM
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58

This post is too long. Can't it be condensed into "a jpeg"?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 4:14 PM
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59

Younger me would probably have agreed with Jammies, reserving praise for high degree of difficulty catches, but now that I'm married to a non-catcher with non-catching kids, I find myself praising for merely getting solid hand on the object before it hits the ground to be praiseworthy.

I'm almost entirely happy with my family, but sometimes I can't believe the distance between my upbringing and my current life. Of COURSE you throw the keys to the other person.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 4:47 PM
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60

Also, I'm sorry if this is being a killjoy or something, but jambs are the sides of doors. Thresholds are the bottoms, and heads are the tops. If you're tripping on jambs, you might be really bad at walking through doorways.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 4:49 PM
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61

||

Thanks to years of conversing with you folks reprobates, I found myself mentally adding "IYKWIM" when the travel agent said "your visa will be valid for multiple-entry."

|>


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 4:50 PM
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Indeed, it can only sound sarcastic unless you just saved a falling vase or something.

A few years ago, I made a (objectively really impressive) grab of some falling, breakable object, and my dad refused to compliment it. I can't remember if his argument was that it was my fault it was falling, or simply that I had been raised to grab falling glasses inches from the floor. Either way, I was a bit annoyed.

Actually, when we have people over, they're often impressed by grabs I make (like, say, I open the freezer and a box of spinach falls, and I snag it). I think maybe my family really put a premium on that sort of thing.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 4:53 PM
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63

61 is so delightful.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 4:53 PM
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64

In sum, 1 and 55 get it right.

I think I'm bad at complimenting food. Or at least, at complimenting it in real time. I like to think that this is due to my (unusual) circumstances: I do 99% of the cooking at home, so obviously I don't compliment that*. And then, when we're out, I'm generally speaking critically (in the technical sense) about the food, which isn't polite as a guest. So, when I'm at someone's for dinner, I'll be scarfing stuff down, and then suddenly realize, as I clean my plate, that I never said, "Thanks, this is delicious." And by that point, I suspect it seems obligatory, not heartfelt.

Although I suppose the scarfing might seem like a natural compliment, if you will.

*OK, sometimes I do, but only when it's really, remarkably good: "This really turned out!"


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 5:00 PM
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65

I also cook a lot and since I don't follow recipes closely, the dish turns out slightly different most times. My most self-complimentary is a nod and "good batch". But if I award something a "good batch", I really mean it.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 5:21 PM
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66

I'm fine with receiving obligatory-sounding compliments on my cooking--in fact, that's basically what I'm after.


Posted by: J, Robot | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 5:27 PM
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67

62: Or MAYBE your father used this to deduce that you are ex-KGB..


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 5:54 PM
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68

Actually, when we have people over, they're often impressed by grabs I make (like, say, I open the freezer and a box of spinach falls, and I snag it)

Maybe they're just from around here and are astonished at the sight of spinach frozen and boxed.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 6:06 PM
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60: If you take corners really fast, you can trip on the jamb pretty easily. If you are me, at least.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 6:29 PM
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70

I'm no more likely to trip over the threshold of a door than I am to trip over a random bit of floor. Which is to allow that tripping over a threshold is a concern.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 6:33 PM
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71

I thought threshold was the bit of floor under the door, that sometimes rises up, not the bottom of the door per se.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 6:47 PM
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72

Maybe the part we're missing is that heebie's catching things with her vagina.

Nice snatch?


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 6:59 PM
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73

71: Not the bottom of the door itself but rather of the door frame, in the same sense that the jamb is the side of the door frame. I'll leave it to the architect to explain the difference between the sill and the threshold, as definitions in the building trades vary.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 7:03 PM
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59: Of COURSE you throw the keys to the other person.

Huh, I must be a member of the non-catcher subclass, because, well, NO you don't. I'm pretty sure if someone routinely surprised me by tossing things toward me with a casual, "Here, catch," in fairly short order I'd be like, "Hey, can you not throw things at me?"

My god, am I totally weird? Okay: now that I think about it, my work partner and I do toss things to one another from time to time, only because one of us has asked the other, "Do you have the white eraser over there?" or something, where "over there" is 15 feet away.

We do jointly throw balled up wads of paper in the trash. Partner says "Hey: bank!" and lobs the paper toward me, and I bat it, like a bank shot, into the trash can. That totally deserves a "Alriiiight: good one."


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 02-19-14 7:06 PM
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Saying "nice catch" implies that the catch just executed is out of the ordinary. This is deprecated, because it in turn implies that you wouldn't normally expect the catcher to be able to catch things, and Implying Physical Ineptitude contravenes the Bloke Convention. The correct response to any successful catch is simply to nod at the catcher, which implies "that was a well-executed catch, but nothing more than I would expect from a chap of your calibre". Exception: if the catch requires significant physical effort - eg massive fielding lunge across the desk, etc - an intake of breath and/or a quiet "well held" is permissible. If the catch is unsuccessful, the Bloke Code requires that the thrower take responsibility as per 37.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 2:37 AM
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76

I have to recommend against throwing keys, at least if they include one of those vehicle remote control doohickeys. When they hit they ground, they do not always act so resiliently as keys, and it turns out they're surprisingly expensive to replace.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 5:55 AM
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77

My dad had a habit of tossing his keys in the air and catching them as he walked around. He was cured of this when he did it under a tree and the keys snagged on a branch, necessitating sending ten year old me up the tree to get them.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 7:25 AM
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69: I do often catch my shoulder on jambs.

77 is hilarious. When I'm carrying keys in my hands, whether tossing or not, I'm always hyper-conscious of storm drains, and hold on extra tight.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:02 AM
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I'll leave it to the architect to explain the difference between the sill and the threshold, as definitions in the building trades vary.

I think sill is vernacular (in some places) for the bottom of a door frame, but in the American building industry, it's more or less only threshold.

I'd note here that threshold mostly applies to exterior doors, as most interior doors have no bottom to their frames. Sometimes you get a transition strip there if the flooring changes at the doorway, but that's not truly a threshold.

Also, everyone knows the origin of "threshold", right? Picture a winnowing floor.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:06 AM
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80

I thought the sill was the board you bolted to the foundation and that it wasn't limited to the door but went around the whole building.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:10 AM
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81

I didn't realize "sill" applied to anything but windows.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:13 AM
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82

I relate to 78.last. I have a grate fear of storm drains.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:16 AM
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83

Go to a stick-built house of recent vintage, cut away the siding just above where the wall meets the foundation. That's what I call the sill plate. It's usually a treated 2x4 or 2x6.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:17 AM
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84

Go to a stick-built house of recent vintage, cut away the siding just above where the wall meets the foundation.

Then run away really fast before the owner shows up.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:22 AM
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80: That's a "sill plate". I mean, it's called sill for short, just as windowsill is, but you'd need context for someone to be sure you meant that kind of sill.

A quick search of door sill turns up millions of results (some car-related), so it's not an archaic term, but it's not, at least, the one that that I find most common.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-20-14 8:22 AM
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