"Everyone wishes they'd gone bigger" advised the second mom.
Two minutes of googling tells me that high-profile is the fake porny look, and moderate-plus is supposed to look more natural.
A couple of years ago, I was at a gathering of acquaintances and strangers (to me and to one another) and people started mocking implants, at length and mercilessly. No one else seemed to notice that one young woman (who was quite attractive) pretty obviously had them. Awkward! But only to me and to her, I guess. (Yes, there's a chance I was wrong, but I doubt it.)
Not that rich - they were rueing the price tag. Autocorrect tried to change rueing to Turing, which is kind of sweet.
Wow have never overhead anything like this while waiting for the kid to finish dance class! Perhaps being discussed in Russian tho.
Not that rich
I think the numbers I've heard chucked around by women I know have been in the 5-8K range. Not nothing, but certainly not a rich thing.
I had to get to my doctor's to pick out my new balls. The doctor was encouraging me to go with the Swing Low Sweet Chariots, but I was more inclined to go with the Can't Sit On 'Em.
I'm not calling you a liar, Apo, but I'm pretty sure an aging man would want more compact balls.
Come to think of it, implants would be problematic for a dancer, would throw off your balance. Also, imagine partners wouldn't be too keen on lifting any additional weight.
implants would be problematic for a dancer, would throw off your balance
Actually, I'd bet that there are more working professional dancers in the United States with implants than without.
So ogged, fess up: does your wife wear make-up?
8 I'm pretty sure they call those things neuticles, Apo.
1: Nah, I have a coworker who'd rather have gone with something not so obviously fake.
10: They're silicon, not gold. Even pretty big ones are going to be maybe 1.5-2lbs.
10: maybe! 325cc implants would weigh about a pound and a half, total. So certainly that would change a bit.
does your wife wear make-up?
Ha. She's more of a "I know I have some makeup around here somewhere" type. I'm honestly not sure, but I think she wears mascara once or twice a week and other makeup once every month or two.
They're silicon, not gold
Sure, if you get the cheap ones.
15 was me. A couple pounds of weight isn't going to change your dynamics much.
You'd adjust to the new weight distribution for sure. And prob true re incidence among broader population of dancers, but really difficult for me to see widespread adoption of implants among professional ballet and "serious" modern dancers. Plenty of odd physical presentation in that world! Just not this one.
The second mom couldn't remember if she had saline or silicon, either, and the first mom assured her that it must have been silicon. And they were quoting a 5k price tag.
Silicone and silicon are different things, people.
Anyone named Turgid certainly an authority on this!
24: Now I'm wondering if your pseud is a reference to your giant cans.
Wait, in what sense are we using "cans" here?
The kind you milk a cow into?
26: A pro builds plausible deniability into his harassing remarks.
9: That was the point, pops. Can't sit on 'em.
23: Silicon breast implants wouldn't be very convincing.
I had to get to my doctor's to pick out my new balls
This was a celebrated operation a hundred years ago. Yeats had a monkey balls transplant, and it changed his outlook. There's a Sherlock Holmes story where the man who gets the operation goes ape, so to speak and is barely stopped from raping.
What happened to this? I'm guessing hormone injections meet the need today.
Selvedge implants are all the rage but you need a special freezer.
I believe in "Adventure of the Creeping Man" the dude in question is just shooting up monkey gland extract.
I think "glands" was a euphemism for testes.
In sports the classic reference is "Elixir of Brown-Sequard", used by Pud Galvin among other 19th-century base-ballers.
Yes, but shooting it up, not trading ball for ball.
If you were getting monkey balls, you don't need to limit yourself to two.
37: two sets of testicles, so divine
A long time ago, when people were still sort of a new thing, every man had three divine sets of testicles, but male animals didn't have any, just a penis, by itself. The men were all very proud of these glands that festooned the space under their penis, even if though it was very uncomfortable to sit down, as they pretty much always sat on a testicle or two.
One night, apostropher called all the men together for a big meet-up on an island that had a particularly fresh salt lick that all the deer came to. They killed and butchered and ate some deer, and were all feeling pretty logy and tired.
"I have an thought," said apostropher, "we'd all like to sit down, but with how tired we are, we'll probably sit on several balls each, and that will be uncomfortable." All the men agreed with this, and were distressed. "But what if we each took off two pairs of testicles, and gave them to the doctor to keep for us while we sit around?" The men were a little worried about this, but they didn't really want to sit on their balls all evening, so they practiced good consent and gave the doctor 2 out of their 3 sets of testicles. One or two of them still managed to sit on his remaining balls, to the great amusement of the rest, but for the most part, they were a lot more comfortable.
But what they didn't know was that apostropher and the doctor, who was really just another avatar of the ur-trickster figure, like apostropher, were playing a trick on them, and had put all the sets of testicles on various other male animals. The animals were very proud of their new testicles, and immediately ran off into the woods so that the men wouldn't take them back.
Later that evening, the men started to get suspicious, and went looking for apostropher, the doctor, and their other balls. But those tricksters were nowhere to be found! All the balls had belonged to the men, but now they could only has one pair each.
Ever since then, men have constantly scratched and grabbed at their balls, to see if by some miracle, the other two sets have come back. But they never have.
nice myth. but I prefer the pair of ball of the mustard seed.
41 is, oddly, a direct quote from the never-filmed Big Trouble In Little China sequel.
39: I hate to have to be the one to break this to you, but Eddie Murphy has been shopping around a script just like that.
Me and Moby read the screenwriter trades.
As long as they get Eriq La Salle to play apostropher, I'm cool with that.
rfts is right about the Sherlock Holmes story, but the transplants, or rather grafts, were real. From the Wikopedia article about Serge Voronoff:
His first official transplantation of a monkey gland into a human took place on June 12, 1920.[8] Thin slices (a few millimetres wide) of testicles from chimpanzees and baboons were implanted inside the patient's scrotum, the thinness of the tissue samples allowing the foreign tissue to fuse with the human tissue eventually.[8] By 1923, 700 of the world's leading surgeons at the International Congress of Surgeons in London, England, applauded the success of Voronoff's work in the "rejuvenation" of old men.[9]
Article also explains the Brown-Sequard reference.
La Salle, Roberts. Same difference.
47: de La Salle? J-B? Not available.
48: That's something completely different.
Two minutes of googling tells me that high-profile is the fake porny look, and moderate-plus is supposed to look more natural.
Tells you that and shows you lots of pictures of scarred breasts and that you should talk to your doctor to find the one right for you. Moderate plus is apparently the hip, new thing.
The hip, new thing known to a relatively few clued in people. It's the Bon Iver of breast implants.
"Those are fun for the whole family."
but she'd brought in photos and said "I want to look like this"
Unfortunately, there's no Buzzfeed quiz for "Which size breasts should you have" so it can't be settled scientifically.
I think Buzzfeed accepts submissions.
It takes seriously qualified professional quizwrights to craft quizzes of that caliber, after all.
T-Rex has some thoughts relevant to the OP.
And they were quoting a 5k price tag.
Eh, well, the market for luxury goods: it is not always (if ever) reducible to the so-called principles of supply and demand, as understood by we plebs. But wow, that's a bit spendy, no?
[Obligatory lay-away plan joke]
Doesn't seem that spendy. That's what, a 12 year old Corolla? And the Corolla is a lot less fun.
American health care is notoriously expensive, of course, and this sort of thing is unusual mainly because it isn't covered by insurance and the patient therefore has to pay the full price. Within that context, 5K doesn't sound all that expensive.
Still a bit more than a 2002 Corolla, though, according to KBB and NADA.
Maybe a 10 year old Corolla! Boobs...still more fun.
I'm curious to know at what age of Corolla boobs become less fun.
That's a question every man has to answer for himself, McQueen. I'm still in my 30's and boobs are the clear winner for the foreseeable future.
Ask someone who gets both (new) boobs and (new) Corolla in the same year. I would presume they depreciate at different rates, thought that may be in the eye of the be/holder.
Well, yeah. I'm in my forties and still wouldn't opt for a brand-new Corolla.
Let's all get breast implants before the next big meet-up.
65: "perfect size, handles well, and great lines... But thee e still have that 'new boob smell'"
Also: "Kelly Boob Book." Heh.
The movie quoted in 53, Summer Rental also included some discussion of relative value. "They cost $2,000. It was either these or a chain sow for Ed." 1985, so the $2,000 is probably similar, but that'd be one hell of a chain saw.
$2K in 1985 is about $5K now. Roughly.
So, yeah, nice chainsaw.
First you get the money. Then you get the chainsaw then you get the women. Then you surgically enhance the women.
I suspect that most of the social gatherings attended by most Unfoggeders include more than one set of breast implants.
will what do you know? WHAT DO YOU KNIOW?
Then you start to get worried that the women will find a better man. The women start to feel that you only like them for their bodies. A certain distance emerges.
Long story short: lock up the chainsaw before you go to sleep.
That was a dark place you got yourself in for a minute there, Moby.
A certain distance emerges.
If distance becomes an issue then the implants are definitely too big.
Unfortunately, there's no Buzzfeed quiz for "Which size breasts should you have" so it can't be settled scientifically.
Damn, Thin White Duke is out this year.
I'm actually in a PTA meeting, so yes on the dark place.
will what do you know? WHAT DO YOU KNIOW?
I could tell when we brought it in, sifu.
Good thing that you were prepping a number theory lecture, rather than, say one in CS: you might have been tempted to use an unfortunate visual to explain binary arithmetic ("Even though this looks like 2 (or maybe 11) it is 32, children"), and, well, things might have gone downhill from there.
If the surgeon knows their job, I thought things were supposed to downhill for a long time.
It makes me sad this thread has died.
I went to book club last night, and small towns being what they are, it turns out that the first woman is friends with a few of my good friends. Apparently it is a 40th birthday present.
Thanks for the update, heebie-jubblies.
*Pours an ounce out for the boobies that didn't make it*
So after the birthday, you can walk into dance class and greet her with a congenial, "Nice tits! Happy birthday!"
Apparently it is a 40th birthday present.
For whom?
I just got a haircut inspired by asilon's suggestion of Edward Furling's John Connor, though I've never seen the movie and don't intend to. Much cheaper than implants. Photo in the pool.
98: I deliberately chose a shot with no visible breasts to prevent any ambiguity in comments like that. And thanks! I'm pretty sure Lee hates it, even though she was the one who told me I should cut my hair again and got me thinking about it. But I hate her current haircut, so that's fine.
96. Looks sharp. Watch out for Terminators.
95: The card just said it was from some guys at her gym who wished to remain anonymous.
96: Looks great.
Also, somebody met Hasselhoff and didn't mention it?
101: Right, because "the guys from that row of stationary bikes behind the erg" wouldn't be *quite* creepy enough.
Heebie's response to that was funny. We get that, that guy and I.
103: Not as creepy as "The Neighborhood Watch."