Re: ATM: what shall we say?

1

"The television show upon which this movie was based aired for three seasons!"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:08 AM
horizontal rule
2

I hear sloths are a great topic.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:15 AM
horizontal rule
3

"I'm thinking of getting a wallaby..."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:17 AM
horizontal rule
4

something something something Mutombo


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:20 AM
horizontal rule
5

Get Kristen so sing songs from the Little Mermaid: http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2013/12/kristen-bell-a-hollywood-princess.html


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:21 AM
horizontal rule
6

What is your annual income? How much can you bench press? What is the IQ of each of your children?


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:27 AM
horizontal rule
7

"You might have seen this video that just went viral on the internet, and we were wondering ..."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:28 AM
horizontal rule
8

"How many 5-year-olds could you take in a fight?"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:29 AM
horizontal rule
9

To Francis Capra: "Oh Niners are the best!"


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:31 AM
horizontal rule
10

"How come you and Logan aren't married in real life?"


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:32 AM
horizontal rule
11

Be prepared to talk about yourself and Texas. Also, have a non-insulting/embarrassing reason you're there.

Beyond that, I'm trying to think of the perfectly insulting thing to say to Kristen Bell, incorporating the facts that she's short, loves animals, and is a tiny bit cross-eyed.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:32 AM
horizontal rule
12

"Actually we just met; and it's kind of an interesting story on why we did and why we're here in the first place. You see, there's this blog on the internet that's actually a really active community, and sometimes people from it meet up in real life and ...
...
... so you can see it's really quite interesting that we are here under these circumstances."

Given their sheltered lives, they'll lap it right up. Might even become commenters.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:34 AM
horizontal rule
13

Beyond that, I'm trying to think of the perfectly insulting thing to say to Kristen Bell, incorporating the facts that she's short, loves animals, and is a tiny bit cross-eyed.

"Look up here at this Magic Eye poster of a sloth being tortured."


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:34 AM
horizontal rule
14

"You're no Jessica Biel."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:36 AM
horizontal rule
15

"I'm amazed you were in the movie. I thought Zachary Quinto killed your character."


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:37 AM
horizontal rule
16

"On the way over, I saw a dog as big as you injured on the side of the road. It was so sad. The driver must have been [cross-eyes]."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:37 AM
horizontal rule
17

"The people here sure watch a lot of TV, eh? Do you drink your own poison, so to speak?"


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:40 AM
horizontal rule
18

I posted a version of 8 to xkcd what if about a month before Newtown and boy it really doesn't seem so funny as a meme any more.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:42 AM
horizontal rule
19

"How much did you donate to the Kickstarter drive?"

"When does Matchbox 20 get here?"

To Kristen Bell: "What is your favorite Deadwood swear word?"


Posted by: Todd | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:47 AM
horizontal rule
20

18: Yep. It's got deep pre-internet roots, however. The first variant I heard was as a kid from an uncle; "During recess we'd pursue the eternal questions of life such as 'How many 1st-graders could a 6th-grader take in a fight?'" I presume he got ripped it off from someone else.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:49 AM
horizontal rule
21

Somewhat sincerely, the right* questions are definitely not show/superfan ones, but ones that at least arguably treat the recipient of the question as a real and ordinary human being. So, some kind of shared interest, background, etc. Telling the story in 12, if you get a chance, is actually a great idea. I'm not sure how much time you'll get with anyone, so you might not get the chance to do anything other than squee appreciation.

*if you want something other than additional information for the superfan bank of knowledge.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:55 AM
horizontal rule
22

Well, sure, we used to talk about it on the bus in elementary school. The assumption was that sum of ages meant your team would win, so the arguments would be, "Sure you have a brother who's three years older than mine, but my parents are each two years older than yours, so my family could beat up yours!"
My 4-year old is convinced that age is correlated with height, since that's how it is with his siblings. So his grandpa/my FIL is younger than me and I'm younger than (actually younger) his tall uncle/my BIL.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:56 AM
horizontal rule
23

So, some kind of shared interest, background, etc.

So, how 'bout that anal sex the kids are all into these days? I'll bet that smarts!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:00 PM
horizontal rule
24

"Where do you buy your sweatpants?!?!"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:01 PM
horizontal rule
25

"Do you have a personal relationship with our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:04 PM
horizontal rule
26

"That'll do, pig."


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:06 PM
horizontal rule
27

"If I show you something, will you promise not to be mad?"


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:15 PM
horizontal rule
28

"So what's the creepiest thing a stranger has ever said to you? 'Cause whatever it is, I bet I can top it."


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:17 PM
horizontal rule
29

"If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?"


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:25 PM
horizontal rule
30

"Is this caftan awesome or what?"


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:26 PM
horizontal rule
31

"Guess how many toes I have. Nobody ever gets it on the first try."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:28 PM
horizontal rule
32

"Isn't it weird how people always ask doctors they meet at parties to look at their weird rashes? I have a treatment for a screenplay about that that I think you would find just fascinating. It's out in the car, can you wait right here while I go get it?"


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:34 PM
horizontal rule
33

"Could you be a dear and fetch me a gin?"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:35 PM
horizontal rule
34

"Isn't that Jennifer Lawrence just so funny and cute? Do you wish you could be as big a star as her?"


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:39 PM
horizontal rule
35

"Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, Kristen, that's a dumb question... skip that."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:39 PM
horizontal rule
36

"I could make you famous on the internet!"


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:43 PM
horizontal rule
37

Whatever you say, say it as "OPINIONATED HEEBIE" or "OPINIONATED AIREDALE."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:48 PM
horizontal rule
38

37: Wear giant nametags to make sure the point gets across.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:49 PM
horizontal rule
39

"My buddy has this crazy idea that the average flow of water at the mouth of the Zambezi is less than 200,000 deciliters per minute, what do you think?"


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:54 PM
horizontal rule
40

"Guess how many toes I have. Nobody ever gets it on the first try."

Give up. OK, here's a clue: not all of them are, strictly speaking, my toes. But I do have them.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:54 PM
horizontal rule
41

"Would you like to be in a video kissing a complete stranger?"


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:55 PM
horizontal rule
42

"Have you been in any real movies?"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:57 PM
horizontal rule
43

You should say you've gone at dusk through eight-laned freeways and watched the smog that rises from the exhaust pipes of lone drivers in SUVs, caught in snarls of traffic.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:58 PM
horizontal rule
44

"What is that behind you?"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 12:59 PM
horizontal rule
45

Ask her to give a shout out on video to your internet friend essear.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:06 PM
horizontal rule
46

"Do you want to come stay at my house sometime? You can have the mattress that the dog didn't pee on, and we can microwave some Hot Pockets down in the rumpus room."


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:10 PM
horizontal rule
47

37: Wear giant nametags to make sure the point gets across.

We found ourselves awash a stream of people leaving a taping of The Price Is Right yesterday, nametags intact and in place.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:24 PM
horizontal rule
48

"So, the whole debate over d/ark m/atter killing the dino/saurs, any thoughts?"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:24 PM
horizontal rule
49

I can actually talk to Rob Thomas about extremely local geographic things, such as his high school.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:30 PM
horizontal rule
50

"Why did you indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way?"


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:34 PM
horizontal rule
51

I fully endorse 45.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:40 PM
horizontal rule
52

To Kristen Bell: "Have you ever squinted at the guy who plays your dad and thought: 'Is that Bob Hoskins?'"

To Rob Thomas: "I want you to know that Smash Mouth is definitely worse than your band."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:40 PM
horizontal rule
53

"Thank god I've found you. You're the only one who can help me, Veronica."


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:46 PM
horizontal rule
54

Then we can find out if "essear" is pronounced "S.E.R." or something else.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:48 PM
horizontal rule
55

Ask if $famousperson has a favorite recipe they can share? Or favorite ingredient pairings/trios


Posted by: annelid gustator | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:54 PM
horizontal rule
56

Ask if $famousperson has a favorite recipe they can share? Or favorite ingredient pairings/trios


Posted by: annelid gustator | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:54 PM
horizontal rule
57

"What's your home blog community?"


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 1:56 PM
horizontal rule
58

Well played, Stanley.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 2:07 PM
horizontal rule
59

You should definitely ask Ms. Bell to opine on the relation of dark matter to dinosaur extinction.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 2:11 PM
horizontal rule
60

Jesus, you idiots, get it right. It's dark matter and the E/ocene-O/ligocene extinction event. Tiny horses and badass super whales, all killed by Essear.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 2:15 PM
horizontal rule
61

Ask if she thinks dark matter caused the extinction of home blog communities.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 2:23 PM
horizontal rule
62

Have you ever really fucked a clown? Do you want to?


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 2:25 PM
horizontal rule
63

What about:
"Who is your favorite Beatle?"
"Ginger or Maryann?"
"Cake or Pie?"
"SCTV or SNL?"
"MadTV or Kids in the Hall?"
"Which is sillier, the recumbent bicycle, or rollerblades?"


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 3:01 PM
horizontal rule
64

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? What about a groundhog? Explain your reasoning."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 3:35 PM
horizontal rule
65

I feel like the main thing is to address the star as Veronica at all times and make it clear you are aware that she is the same person she portrays onscreen.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 3:44 PM
horizontal rule
66

"It's pretty well-known you love baby sloths, but how do you feel about baby star-nosed moles?"


Posted by: Todd | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 4:02 PM
horizontal rule
67

One of you should definitely just stand against the wall, sobbing hysterically.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 4:08 PM
horizontal rule
68

Whatever you ask, and whatever the answer, your next line should be: "Why? Is it because I'm Armenian?"


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 4:12 PM
horizontal rule
69

Oh maybe sing and air guitar the theme song from the show at everyone individually. That could never be awkward. Make sure you get through all the verses.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 4:31 PM
horizontal rule
70

Do you know Pauly Shore? He used to comment on my blog.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 4:50 PM
horizontal rule
71

Did you go to the circus this year, what's your favorite kind of ice cream, how do you spell cat?

This comment is for LB of course.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 6:26 PM
horizontal rule
72

I think my phone just won't load the LA meet up thread. This thread is easier. Update: omgomgomg!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 6:40 PM
horizontal rule
73

They're playing the we used to be friends song.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 6:47 PM
horizontal rule
74

That is a nice theater.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 6:50 PM
horizontal rule
75

Now they're playing covers of it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 6:50 PM
horizontal rule
76

In case heebie fails to liveblog the film, here's the earliest VM thread I could find. We can read along at home. There are probably earlier references to it, but hoohole.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 6:51 PM
horizontal rule
77

76 That's a great Buffy thread.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:04 PM
horizontal rule
78

It's supposed to be starting, but the theater is still half empty. Or half full! But it's odd.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:05 PM
horizontal rule
79

It's a mystery! They should get someone to solve it.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:11 PM
horizontal rule
80

Probably something like the ending of They Live. Look for somebody with sunglasses and follow their lead.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:14 PM
horizontal rule
81

They're dimming the lights!!!!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:24 PM
horizontal rule
82

HG, stop posting I'm afraid some nut might shoot you.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:26 PM
horizontal rule
83

She's from Texas. She knows the risks.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:35 PM
horizontal rule
84

And in LA, not FLA.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:39 PM
horizontal rule
85

She's also from Florida, so yeah.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:40 PM
horizontal rule
86

Cold blooded bunch.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:46 PM
horizontal rule
87

We just want to keep receiving updates, regardless of the personal risk to heebie.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:49 PM
horizontal rule
88

83, 85: In that case, don't shoot anyone, heebie.

(Just a Bayesian reminder.)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 7:52 PM
horizontal rule
89

Except please do take pictures of people - shoot only in that sense. And ONLY AFTER THE MOVIE IS OVER.

Meanwhile the rest of you lot should scare up the youtube video of Shura Cherkassky playing the Albeniz tango, var. Godowsky. So lovely! Didn't know him at all before 2 days ago when a used LP of his washed up next to the turntable. Appears to have been a delightful maniac.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:00 PM
horizontal rule
90

Alternatively the first 8 minutes of VM are now online. So you experience a small part of what they are in the relative squalor of your own home.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:03 PM
horizontal rule
91

Time for bed here, but I think you should greet them with, "We're from the internet!"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:11 PM
horizontal rule
92

Inspiration from Thorn in the other thread; neg them! "You're only a bit shorter than you look on the screen."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:14 PM
horizontal rule
93

"We'd like you to meet our imaginary friends! They're right here."


Posted by: torrey pine | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:17 PM
horizontal rule
94

I'm trying to think of maximally creepy.

"Hi! I like sloths, too. How do you feel about caterpillars and glue combined? I'm here from the internet! But really, though, homelessness, yes. Down on that. I have a home. It was partially built by the internet. Let's be friends."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:27 PM
horizontal rule
95

"This is my favorite interactive fan experience ever, even better than the time I made my own human centipede!"


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:31 PM
horizontal rule
96

I'm trying to think of maximally creepy.

Just in general, "Can I smell your hair?" works for that.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:36 PM
horizontal rule
97

"We come from haunts of coot and hern!"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:41 PM
horizontal rule
98

Stormcrow, put down the Thurber and go to bed!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:46 PM
horizontal rule
99

And don't even try to convince me you're up because you heard a seal bark. No one falls for that one.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 8:47 PM
horizontal rule
100

"Kobe!"


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 9:01 PM
horizontal rule
101

Alternatively the first 8 minutes of VM are now online. So you experience a small part of what they are in the relative squalor of your own home.

Some of us are away from home, you know. If I were to view this (which I won't) it would be from the relative squalor of the Baranof Hotel in Juneau.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 9:06 PM
horizontal rule
102

Also, 99 is excellent.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 9:07 PM
horizontal rule
103

"Allow me to introduce you to my friend from the internet, Wry Cooter."


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 9:38 PM
horizontal rule
104

We've just started watching Les Revenants. It's on netflix. Anyone else?


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 9:56 PM
horizontal rule
105

Jason Dohring told me he likes my dress.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 10:09 PM
horizontal rule
106

Woo!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 10:12 PM
horizontal rule
107

(Not that I have any idea who Jason Dohring is.)


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 10:12 PM
horizontal rule
108

Ah, I see, he's one of the actors in the show/movie.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 10:13 PM
horizontal rule
109

I have the only photographic evidence of [SOOBC]!


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 10:15 PM
horizontal rule
110

Also I made Bave watch the sloth meltdown.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 10:22 PM
horizontal rule
111

109: a drink that tastes like Pine-Sol?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 10:26 PM
horizontal rule
112

Enrico Colatoni is one of the most charismatic people ever. Dick Casablancas danced on a bar a few inches away.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:39 PM
horizontal rule
113

I told rob thomas about our mutual hometown. He convincingly feigned enthusiasm.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:44 PM
horizontal rule
114

Did you end up telling them a variant of 12, though?


Posted by: x.trapnel | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:46 PM
horizontal rule
115

It was a great movie as a fan, but probably not to someone who isn't. Like a really good episode.

The after party was pretty damn awesome.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:47 PM
horizontal rule
116

It's super loud and so I mostly said "great movie" then took a photo and got out of the way.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-12-14 11:49 PM
horizontal rule
117

Despite not being in LA, I'm staying at the same hotel as DMX, so I automatically win. His entourage is about 98% women, which is the exact percentage I'm aiming for in my entourage.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 1:51 AM
horizontal rule
118

98: Nice! I always wanted to have an excuse to use that line (originally from a Graves' poem) and am very gratified in the event to have a catcher. Wait here and I'll bring the etchings down.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:05 AM
horizontal rule
119

Les Revenants.

TEH AWESOME.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:50 AM
horizontal rule
120

His entourage is about 98% women, which is the exact percentage I'm aiming for in my entourage.

Even better would be to have an entourage which contains exactly 98 women and two men. Also, in addition to each being a fabulous babe in their own unique way, each person in the entourage would have some other function, like being your lawyer, accountant, bodyguard, science officer, or ninja assassin.

Maybe I've just revealed too much about my mental life.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 6:27 AM
horizontal rule
121

John Ringo-Chalk!


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 6:39 AM
horizontal rule
122

120 - This is why Halfordismo will crush Helpy-Chalk Thought; his entourage will all be ninja assassins, with a few ninja assassin/cobblers and ninja assassin/certified fraud examiners mixed in for spice.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 6:48 AM
horizontal rule
123

Ninja assassin/cooper (master of donkey kong fu)


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:02 AM
horizontal rule
124

So the whole Halfordismo ninja army thing is kind of biting my style, by the way. I've had a ninja army since the early '90s. I bet Halford's ninja army doesn't even have uniforms yet!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:03 AM
horizontal rule
125

Yeah, how many total hit points do they even have?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:13 AM
horizontal rule
126

All y'all are going to lose out, because your entourage doesn't include a science officer, and you won't be able to deal with any space-time anomalies you encounter.

Also, my science officer is Kirstie Alley from the second Star Trek movie.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:17 AM
horizontal rule
127

Wev. My ninja army is real. It is also made up of nerds with no martial arts skills, but I bet they could beat up imaginary people most of the time.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:21 AM
horizontal rule
128

I wish I could make a to-go box full of these little lox croissants.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:22 AM
horizontal rule
129

Heebie I do not think your admittedly fulsome descriptions of the lox croissants are satisfying people's desire for (almost) liveblogging of the premiere.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:25 AM
horizontal rule
130

(originally from a Graves' poem)

?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:31 AM
horizontal rule
131

Sifu, I think you just have to accept that the ninja army, like sex, has been invented many times.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:32 AM
horizontal rule
132

I think we got pictures with (switching between character names and actor names randomly) Logan, Keith, Wallace, Weevil, Rob Thomas, Principal Clemmons, Ryan Hansen, Dax Shepard, Martin Starr, and KB. Most were just planted in one spot or another, but for KB, you had to wait in line and then they took the picture. Supposed to get an e-mail with the link to the pics at some point. It was exciting and fun, and even though I was really tired afterwards, I slept very badly! Not sure if I'm missing anyone. Mac was not there, I don't think, nor Vinnie Van Lowe. Cliff McCormack and Piz were also there, but we missed getting pictures with them. I'm not sure why, because it was obviously set up to make it pretty easy to get the pics, but it still felt like an achievement getting each one.


Posted by: airedale | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:41 AM
horizontal rule
133

When we first got there, it seemed super crowded and all we saw was the huge line for KB. Not very encouraging. So we were just moving to the bar for drinks, when we suddenly saw Jason Dohring, not very far away, and although with some people standing around waiting to get pics, it turned out very easy to stand there for a minute or two and then get the pic. And that's how most of them ended up going. Except no one seemed very interested in Principal Clemmons.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:44 AM
horizontal rule
134

130: Oops, during his previous life as Tennyson. One of them English dudes, anyway.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:44 AM
horizontal rule
135

134 is why you don't do quick glance on your phone at Google search results when all you really remembered was that it was from some English poet. Details of how that happened left to the motivated reader.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:49 AM
horizontal rule
136

118: If it had been anyone else, I might have assumed the poem was the reference, but I know you've been into Thurber lately, which I actually think might be my fault. The only downside is that now I think I might do well as an overbearing Thurber harridan.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:08 AM
horizontal rule
137

Have you ever been stopped by a highway patrolman to explain why Lee is crouched by the side of the road ahead of your car? If not, you're probably not in full harridan mode yet.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:13 AM
horizontal rule
138

Thorn?

And on preview, Lee?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:16 AM
horizontal rule
139

Now that you mention it, that is probably what Lee thinks of me. But neither of us is quite as pithy as a truly Thurberite relationship requires.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:19 AM
horizontal rule
140

"Look," he said. "You claim that the whole thing depends on how low a cat's eyes are; I -- "

"I didn't say that; I said it all depends on how high a man's eyes . . ." -


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:19 AM
horizontal rule
141

140. I was just looking for full text of that story!

It's the Topaz Cufflinks Mystery.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:21 AM
horizontal rule
142

And that house is probably even close to the right vintage and/or style. No one is as pithy as people are in books or movies. Just don't have the relationship break up over a Greta Garbo/Donald Duck fight.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:23 AM
horizontal rule
143

Assume you found it. If not, here.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:25 AM
horizontal rule
144

I feel that I should admit my lowbrowedness and failure to have complete recall of Thurber here: I somehow managed to confuse "haunts of coot and hern" with the the verse Margalo recites in Stuart Little to explain where she's from. "I come from fields once tall with wheat, from pastures deep in fern and thistle; I come from vales of meadow-sweet, and I love to whistle."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:54 AM
horizontal rule
145

I only know The Brook because molesworth one had to learn it and didn't quite:
Peotry is sissy stuff that rhymes. Weedy people say la and fie and swoon when they see a bunch of daffodils. Aktually there is only one piece of peotry in the english language.

The Brook

i come from haunts of coot and hern
i make a sudden sally
and-er-hem-er-hem-the fern
to bicker down a valley.

that is the lot tho the Charge of the light brigade and the loss of the royal george are nearly peotry too. Even advanced english masters set THE BROOK they sa it is quaint dated gejeune etc but really they are all in leag with parents who can all recite it. And do if given half a chance.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:07 AM
horizontal rule
146

144: I think I have you beat for thread lowbrow with the Graves/Tennyson mix up. But Midwestern drudge that I am, I do know my Thurber!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:25 AM
horizontal rule
147

We had to sing "Loss of the Royal George" to a suitably dirge like tune. I was over 20 before I realised that she hadn't been lost in some heroic action on the high seas.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:37 AM
horizontal rule
148

So, youtube should be rich with excellent recitations of good poetry that could be ripped to make pleasant listening.

a) Anyone found a Paradise Lost they are happy with? There's a librivox version that has one great section and a bunch of not-so-great ones.

b) other favorite youtube poetry links?

c) Any interest in a tag-team unfogged rendition of Auden's Caliban to his Audience? Or maybe something from Brodsky.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:41 AM
horizontal rule
149

Mmm. I do love reading poetry out loud, and it makes everyone else in the family wince, complain, and either leave the room or start throwing things at me. I need a more compliant family.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:43 AM
horizontal rule
150

Maybe what this blog needs is a set of audio versions of all the poems in the "Fuck you, clown" thread.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:44 AM
horizontal rule
151

148.c: Mememe! Though ideally it would be the whole The Sea and the Mirror and one lucky person would get all of Caliban.


Posted by: Awl | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:50 AM
horizontal rule
152

a) Anyone found a Paradise Lost they are happy with? There's a librivox version that has one great section and a bunch of not-so-great ones.

Maybe it's just me, but I find Paradise Lost, and indeed a lot of poetry of that period, like Donne, too syntatically dense to work off the page.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:54 AM
horizontal rule
153

This is an interesting question. As somebody who, like all real Americans, grew up with basically no one reading poetry aloud and came to it only on the page, I find almost all poetry reading, even of poems I like to read, grating like nails on a chalkboard and have the wincing reaction of LB's kids. I like reading poetry on the page though I'm hardly expert.

I guess "slam" poetry doesn't provoke the wincing reaction but it still makes me embarrassed for everyone involved.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:59 AM
horizontal rule
154

I feel that I should admit my lowbrowedness and failure to have complete recall of Thurber here: I somehow managed to confuse "haunts of coot and hern" with the the verse Margalo recites in Stuart Little to explain where she's from. "I come from fields once tall with wheat, from pastures deep in fern and thistle; I come from vales of meadow-sweet, and I love to whistle."

If this is it, "lowbrowedness" is really a meaningless concept.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:02 AM
horizontal rule
155

My kids and Buck. I used to read poetry to the dog sometimes, when she was around. She got me.

I admit that I'd rather read poetry out loud than listen to someone else doing it -- when I'm with someone else who enjoys that sort of thing, we're handing a book back and forth and I'm waiting through them reading to get to my turn.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:04 AM
horizontal rule
156

RH, do you read poetry to your daughter? I love reading poetry aloud and did it a lot as a kid, and they're young enough I can sort of make them listen to short things at least.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:04 AM
horizontal rule
157

I saw a clip of Ginsberg reading "Howl" and it's terrible. Sounds like an uninspiring college professor delivering a lecture on economics. Lifeless. Unemotional. Prosaic.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:04 AM
horizontal rule
158

Wow. I'm on Safari because my chrome browser is screwing up, and so comment 154 is me. Anyway, when I went to fill in my name, Safari auto-completed heebie_geebie, and I think I stopped using the underscore nine years ago (and a different computer ago).


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:05 AM
horizontal rule
159

Ok, I just added a bunch of photos to the flickr stream of all our famous photo-buddies.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:06 AM
horizontal rule
160

Kind of. We have some book of poetry for kids, but it's not really a favorite of either her or me. We read Dr. Seuss and stuff that rhymes a fair amount, though a little less so recently as she's gotten into listening to longer prose books.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:06 AM
horizontal rule
161

160 to 156. The pictures are great!


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:07 AM
horizontal rule
162

Me, me.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:07 AM
horizontal rule
163

You should at least read her Ogden Nash's "Isabel". Possibly "Belinda" as well, although the meter of that one breaks down unsatisfyingly when the dragon is eating the pirate.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:07 AM
horizontal rule
164

I've found that google and wikipedia have changed my experience of reading C.P. Cavafy's poems.

It's different somehow when you can instantly look up the obscure hellenistic figures he writes about. Before easy googling they were mostly just names. I assumed many of them had some sort of back story, but I wasn't going to bother trying to hunt down what it was.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:11 AM
horizontal rule
165

Although the actual name of "Belinda" is "The Tale of Custard the Dragon." (The name of the poem is called, of course, "A-sitting On A Gate".)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:12 AM
horizontal rule
166

152. It's a different experience, but there's something there: https://archive.org/details/paradise_lost_08083_librivox try book1 section1, skip to 6:00 for Satan.

This one is less succesful:
https://archive.org/details/audio_poetry_104_2006

I can't decide about this one:
http://www.scmp.com/news/china-insider/article/1399808/hong-kong-students-poem-recital-goes-viral-mainland


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:13 AM
horizontal rule
167

The whole evening was great. They delivered a totally not-disappointing movie and were incredibly gracious and friendly about mingling with the kickstarter supporters afterwards.

Although, seriously: in the opening voiceover, VM says that her best friend was murdered when VM was 15, and obviously we all know that Lilly was at VM's 16th birthday before the show even started, so please. I refrained from asking KB about this in person.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:14 AM
horizontal rule
168

When I was in grade school, I liked Now We Are Six and Where the Sidewalk Ends. I'm a philistine, though, and don't much enjoy poetry for adults (not to be confused with adult poetry, which I'm sure must exist somewhere).


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:14 AM
horizontal rule
169

I want to see the pics! Give me access to the stream when you get a chance. I don't have the KB pics yet.


Posted by: airedale | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:14 AM
horizontal rule
170

165: Of course! Belinda lived in a little white house / with a little black kitten and a little gray (grey?) mouse / and a little yellow dog and a little red wagon / and a realio trulio little pet dragon!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:16 AM
horizontal rule
171

168.


Licence my roving hands, and let them go
Before, behind, between, above, below.
O, my America, my Newfoundland,
My kingdom, safest when with one man mann'd,
My mine of precious stones, my empery ;


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:18 AM
horizontal rule
172

Perhaps the only context in which Newfoundland has ever been perceived as sexy.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:19 AM
horizontal rule
173

168: I like poetry pretty much only to the extent I let myself be a philistine about it -- I like regular meter and rhyme, and poems that make pleasant sounds. If I were actually putting any effort into knowing what I was talking about, I probably wouldn't.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:21 AM
horizontal rule
174

I do love reading poetry out loud, and it makes everyone else in the family wince, complain, and either leave the room or start throwing things at me.

The great anthology "Other Men's Flowers" (ed. Field-Marshal the Lord Wavell) has something similar in the notes: "Horatius was the first poem I got completely by heart. Admiring aunts used to give me sixpence to recite the whole thing. A wiser uncle gave me a shilling in return for a promise to do nothing of the kind... My ADCs have perforce to listen to my recitals of poetry. My wife and daughters have kindly but firmly cured me of the habit as far as they are concerned. I would advise any young man that, if he finds a woman not only willing but apparently eager to hear him recite poetry, he should watch his step very carefully."


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:21 AM
horizontal rule
175

Actually OMF also has something very similar to 173. LB should either read it, or has read it already, or possibly is being sockpuppeted by Lord Wavell.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:22 AM
horizontal rule
176

169: I think you should get an invite in your gmail account.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:28 AM
horizontal rule
177

176: got it! Thanks!


Posted by: airedale | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:35 AM
horizontal rule
178

This is a great thread and LB is absolutely humble-bragging.

Lifeless. Unemotional. Prosaic.

Isn't (something like) this a style of poetry reading? I remember looking up Dean Young poems on youtube and being struck by how clearly he is not performing the poems, he is just reading them -- for example.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 10:37 AM
horizontal rule
179

178.2

It is. But reading a poem called "Howl", possibly the most ragey poem of the 20th century, as if it was an underprepared student presentation is just wrong. Even if you wrote it.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 11:37 AM
horizontal rule
180

So the whole Halfordismo ninja army thing is kind of biting my style, by the way. I've had a ninja army since the early '90s.

It's kind of like that time Wendy's stole your intellectual property.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 11:39 AM
horizontal rule
181

178.1: I am absolutely humblebragging about my laser-sharp recall of books written for eight-year-olds.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 11:45 AM
horizontal rule
182

possibly the most ragey poem of the 20th century

I don't think that's right. Sure, there's a lot of anger, but a fair amount of it is intended to be funny. Actually, I vaguely recall that I heard Allen Ginsberg himself say that.

Now, "Daddy" (Sylvia Plath)-- there's a ragey poem! Although, maybe if she lived long enough she would have explained that it was also meant partly as a joke.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 11:46 AM
horizontal rule
183

The reading on "100 Years of Recorded Poetry" features Ginsberg clearly amused as he reads, "America, I still remember what you did to Uncle Max*", and the crowd laughs appreciably. But in general it's a non-ragey reading. I don't mind it.

I saw Ginsberg read when I was in college, but all I really recall was feeling kind of uncomfortable when he read a poem that was, essentially, "Ode to my Asshole". Equal measures due to ageism, (mild) homophobia, and keepyourprivatestoyourself.

OTOH, one of my favorite poetic similes is from a friend's poem (a real poet person, not just a friend) who compared her empty vagina to holding one's own hand.

*or possibly some other super-Jewish uncle's name


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 12:57 PM
horizontal rule
184

120: I can't decide if your plan is sensible, and therefore should be adopted, or sensible, and therefore defeats the purpose of an entourage.

An entourage of ninja assassins doesn't make sense because ninjas aren't real. Might as well ask for an entourage of pirate elves. An entourage of smart, compassionate libertarian pirate elves.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:09 PM
horizontal rule
185

Aww, I missed the liveblogging! I'm glad you had a good time, and 105 is awesome.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:15 PM
horizontal rule
186

Ninjas are stealthy, right? So for all we know, we've all got ninja entourages all the time. Or maybe there's a pro bono ninja organization that provides stealthy entourage service to lots of badass dudes (and Halford).


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:16 PM
horizontal rule
187

he read a poem that was, essentially, "Ode to my Asshole".

Ginsberg read that same poem when he visited my college in the early 90s. Although what really stuck in my mind was the bit where he played the drums and sang a sort of calypso number about Iran-Contra.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:17 PM
horizontal rule
188

Worth mentioning: this performance by Jack Kerouac is great.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:22 PM
horizontal rule
189

186: And then years later they don't get confirmed for an important government ninja job when it turns out they once protected someone deemed dishonorable.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:23 PM
horizontal rule
190

Zomg! The photos in the Flickr pool are awesome.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:25 PM
horizontal rule
191

180: I don't think it would have been my intellectual property under any circumstances; titles aren't copyright able, as far as I know, and even if I had trademarked it because I was trying to be hilarious or whatever there doesn't seem likely to be much confusion between a time machine and a burger.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:31 PM
horizontal rule
192

If anyone has a child under, say, 7, this book of rhymes doggerel and non is almost mandatory.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 4:49 PM
horizontal rule
193

JM abruptly stopped making sense.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 5:18 PM
horizontal rule
194

Oops. I meant this book, or really most things by this dude.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 5:31 PM
horizontal rule
195

John Ciardi was my favorite writer of children's poems.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 6:00 PM
horizontal rule
196

I have read to the boy from my childhood copy of the now out of print I Met a Man, but not for ages. I should dig it out.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 6:12 PM
horizontal rule
197

I love the photos -- you guys look great! Heebie, your caftan is amazing.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 6:19 PM
horizontal rule
198

Also out of print, but if you can find it, Ciardi's The Man Who Sang the Sillies is excellent, plus Gorey drawings.

Children's heads are very loose
Mother, Father, screw them tight.
If you feel uncertain use
A monkey wrench, but do it right.

If a head should come unscrewed
You will know that you have failed.
Doubtful cases should be glued
Stubborn cases should be nailed.

Then when all your darlings go
Sweetly screaming off to bed,
Mother, Father, you may know
Angels guard each little head.

Come the morning you will find
One by one each little head
Full of gentle thoughts and kind,
Sweetly screaming to be fed.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 7:12 PM
horizontal rule
199

In high school and the start of college, I memorized some poems, generally the kinds of things loners might memorize. No one really cared to hear me recite them and mostly they served the purpose of giving me something to mutter while waiting for the bus, but occasionally those memories have fueled parody doggerel posted as blog comments.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 8:33 PM
horizontal rule
200

I may have told this story before, but it is semi-revelant now so what the hey.

One of my great-grandfathers was prospecting? hiking? along a canyon in southern Utah, and then suddenly, it rained. Knowing something othe flash floods, he scrambled up a nearby cliff a couple of hundred yards until he found a cave. He knew, however, that as safe as felt for the moment, he could not afford to fall sleep, so he kept himself awake reciting all the poetry he had ever learned.

And that is why I wish I had a better memory...


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:07 PM
horizontal rule
201

Were you ever out in the great alone when the moon was awful clear?
And the icy mountains hemmed you in...


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 03-13-14 9:13 PM
horizontal rule
202

Could I have the Flickr password, please?


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 03-14-14 7:36 AM
horizontal rule