Re: Guest Post - When the 'rents come to town

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It seems pretty surprising for a non-estranged relationship, though in the last few places I've lived I don't think my parents visited more than once or twice (in the space of a few years). Having said that, I've only been in my new home for five days and my dad's already been round.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:33 AM
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17 years is unusual. Since I moved out, my parents visit me every three years or so and stay in a nearby hotel (bless them). They've seen every place I've lived since I moved out, but that's because I haven't moved within a city all that often. My sister has never visited me, although I see her at my parents house (or other family get together) every couple of years.

The boyfriend's mother would visit 2-3 times a year if he let her, and wants him to do the same. Her husband is totally awful as a guest, but luckily, he is allergic to cats, and our current place is too small for us to clean and close off a room, so they resentfully stay in a nearby hotel. We've just managed to invite her to visit without him for the first time since she married him by dangling lots of carrots. (We'll go shopping! You can stay at our place! We'll eat seafood that he's allergic to!) She is lovely and agreeable as a guest, so it will be kind of fun.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:40 AM
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It's a plane flight for us, and my dad refuses to fly because you can't smoke (!) so, I guess he'll never come see where I live. I feel like I should be sad but I really don't care.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:08 AM
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We've just managed to invite her to visit without him for the first time since she married him by dangling lots of carrots.

She's a cartoon donkey?


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:12 AM
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my dad refuses to fly because you can't smoke (!)

Wow.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:22 AM
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My father-in-law would probably refuse to fly for similar reasons; as it's only a 9-hour drive, flying is marginal anyway.

Our parents seem to visit once or twice a year, all told. But they have other connections to where we live and/or reasons to be passing through.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:25 AM
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My parents have helped me move twice and visited for just general visity purposes twice since I graduated from college. Lately they're making a lot of noises about how I haven't been visiting as often as I used to, but it doesn't seem like they want to visit me more. For one thing, any travel at all becomes a giant epic thing for them and they think plane tickets need to be purchased at least six months in advance.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:42 AM
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Although in some ways the way my parents deal with travel is cute. They've been talking excitedly about, and planning in obsessive detail, their upcoming trip to Hawaii for something like two years. I wish I could be that excited about going somewhere.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:47 AM
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My mum comes down to visit a couple of times a year. Partly because my sister, and my uncle and grandfather all live within an hour or so of me, too, so it makes sense that she visit us rather than us visit her.

I don't think my Dad has visited any of the places I've lived in London, though. I'd guess it's at least 5 years or more since he visited. Although I've seen him whenever I've been up in Scotland [for work, mostly].


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:51 AM
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I live 10 minutes from my parents and see them weekly. I never thought it would happen to me!


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:51 AM
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8: so no "ahhh fuck I forgot I have to go to switzerland tomorrow. Why can't I just sit in a windowless room and do math?!?" for them?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:53 AM
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I see my parents at least weekly. Last week my mom was being pissy and not talking to me but she still wanted to babysit Zardoz, so she came over and ignored me. Fine by me, mom!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:55 AM
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I live 10 minutes from my parents and see them weekly. I never thought it would happen to me!

Worst Penthouse letter ever.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:55 AM
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My parents don't travel much. I don't think either of them have been out of the UK in the past 10-15 years. My Dad, maybe, to a few folk festivals in Brittany. Both of them travelled quite a lot when younger, though, so they aren't unused to it. My Dad because he was in the army, and my Mum because her dad worked for the 'airways' and she got cheap tickets.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:55 AM
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11: Ha! Is that what I sound like? Christ, what an asshole I am.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 9:04 AM
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15: ahh I dunno I think unfogged is probably the right audience to find that sort of endearing.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 9:08 AM
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My parents only saw my place I lived in for five years a time or two. They had bought a place in DC so I always went down there. They would sometimes come to NYC (not all that often because it costs so much to stay anywhere and they hate that, and they were very definitely not staying with me in my studio apartment) but my neighborhood was inconvenient and uninteresting so all the family socializing would happen in midtown.

I found five dollars the other day but quickly found the person who dropped it and gave it back.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 9:27 AM
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I moved overseas in 2011 and my mother has already been to visit me twice. Both step-fathers, once. 17 years seems like a really long time, but then again, I think my bio dad has only visited my home two or three times since I was about 5.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 11:07 AM
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Since she married him by dangling lots of carrots.

It was only when I tried to come up with a long-hanging vegetable(s) joke that I realized that part of what makes "low-hanging fruit" work is that it is generally but not always used as an uncountable noun.

And in fact, the Wikipedia article uses fruit/vegetable as the basis for a an illustrative paragraph:

For another illustration of the principle that the count/non-count distinction lies not in an object but rather in the expression that refers to it, consider the English words "fruit" and "vegetables". The objects that these words describe are, objectively speaking, similar (that is, they're all edible plant parts); yet the word "fruit" is (usually) non-count, whereas "vegetables" is a plural count form. One can see that the difference is in the language, not in the reality of the objects. Meanwhile, German has a general word for "vegetables" that, like English "fruit", is (usually) non-count: das Gemüse. British English has a slang word for "vegetables" that acts the same way: "veg" [rhymes with "edge"].


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 12:33 PM
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20

My mother in law and her husband visited us last week. It's their first visit in 4 years; my wife's fathers have visited us 1 and 0 times in 10 years.

The fathers' assumption is that she'll travel; they're a plane flight away and relatively close to each other (and other family of hers).

Like Halford, my Dad is local, so it's a rare week that we don't meet for a meal. Before meeting my wife, we got together more than that.


Posted by: Mooseking | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 1:14 PM
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When I was in college it was about 150 miles, but I did the visiting. When I was working and then in grad school it was about 1000 miles, and I/we did the visiting--less. Since then, it's 3000 miles and I/we visit still less.

They lack the funds to travel, and while we do not, it is a huge hassle and really fairly expensive, since we're trying to put money away for when I get fired for using the internet or something.

But this time I decided what the hell, and told them I was buying them plane tickets. I think their first air travel in 35 years.

We're not estranged at all, either.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 3:00 PM
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20 implies that Mooseking's wife has three fathers? NTTAWWT.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 6:50 PM
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20, 22:

I don't know what your acronym means, but 20 is too carefully punctuated not to mean what it says: wife's father is in SS relationship, ergo 2 "fathers," wife's mother has remarried.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:27 PM
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Not That There's Anything Wrapped With Tinfoil.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:31 PM
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Now I want one of those small peanut butter cups.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:38 PM
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Why limit yourself to a small one?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:40 PM
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The big ones aren't wrapped in foil.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:41 PM
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My in-laws (now only m-i-l remaining) have never visited us. 31 years. Brother-in-law neither. M-i-l hasn't ever flown, I don't think. B-i-l is afraid he'll starve, as American cuisine is reputedly too awful to actually eat.

My parents visited Montana the first winter I was here, then my mom came to see the new baby 8 years later. Then they both visited after we moved to DC a couple years after that -- probably 4 more times over the 20 years we were there. Now we're on their way from winter home to summer home, so we see them here almost every year.

I guess I play for the other team. I've been to my daughter's place once in 4 years. Wife twice. I should go again sometime soon.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 7:52 PM
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Went this weekend to visit our only remaining parent, my mother, 96 tomorrow. Nice visit, my B-i-l showed my wife how to order a Wisconsin specialty properly: Brandy Old Fashioned, Sour. Without specifying brandy you'll get whisky, without specifying sour they'll use 7up instead of seltzer or club soda. She was happy with the result, supper club heaven.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 04- 9-14 8:12 PM
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