Re: Guest Post - vegetables

1

First, pour your clock into the saucepan...


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:02 AM
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The same link takes you to Marinetti's Futurist Cookbook, which is even stranger.

AEROFOOD
The diner is served from the right with a plate containing some black olives, fennel hearts and kumquats. From the left he is served with a rectangle made of sandpaper, silk and velvet. The foods must be carried directly to the mouth with the right hand while the left hand lightly and repeatedly strokes the tactile rectangle. In the meantime the waiters spray the napes of the diners' necks with a conprofumo [perfume] of carnations while from the kitchen comes contemporaneously a violent conrumore [music] of an aeroplane motor and some dismusica [music] by Bach.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:13 AM
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2 is awesome, and is made even funnier by the fact that, as a parody, it still feels contemporary. You could imagine that in a Shouts and Murmurs column in the NYer.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:16 AM
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2 describes actual dining experiences you'd get in 'El Bulli' and the 'Fat Duck', i.e. with music/sound-effects and sprays of perfume.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:32 AM
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Anyway, on the first link, it's hard to know what to make of it. I mean, it's obvious we (the Anglosphere) eat lots of potatoes. If you take out the potatoes, does the graph look good or bad? I don't know. Without seeing the tail, how could you?

Also, people only eat canned chile peppers? People eat canned chile peppers full stop?

If I had to guess my non-potato vegetable consumption ranking, it would probably be something like carrots (100), sweetcorn (90), broccoli (80), tomatoes (70), onions (70) , spinach (50), artichoke (30), others (20). I really don't eat much lettuce, and I never have it in the fridge.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:35 AM
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I eat a lot of onions, but I really don't think of them as a vegetable. They're a flavoring element in, um, everything. I wonder if they have any significant nutritional value, in the amounts I use. They cook down so far, it seems unlikely.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:36 AM
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The book sounds fairly Blumenthal-ish - lots of stuff about how SCIENCE! will improve the cooking experience.

A battery of scientific instruments in the kitchen: ozonizers to give liquids and foods the perfume of ozone, ultra-violet ray lamps, electrolyzers to decompose juices and extracts, etc. in such a way as to obtain from a known product a new product with new properties, colloidal mills to pulverize flours, dried fruits, drugs, etc.; atmospheric and vacuum stills, centrifugal autoclaves, dialyzers. Chemical indicators will take into account the acidity and alkalinity of these sauces and serve to correct possible errors: too little salt, too much vinegar, too much pepper or too much sugar.

The recipes sound horrific, though. Aerofood at least would be edible. But how about this?

HUNTING IN HEAVEN

Slowly cook a hare in sparkling wine mixed with cocoa powder until the liquid is absorbed. Then immerse it for a minute in plenty of lemon juice. Serve it in a copious green sauce based on spinach and juniper, and decorate with those silver hundred and thousands which recall huntsmen's shot.

Hare stewed in prosecco and cocoa? Good grief.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:36 AM
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I suppose, for me:

onions, carrots, leeks, celery, peppers [capsicums], cabbage family [cabbage, bok choi, etc], everything else.

I don't eat a huge amount of potatoes, and I eat a lot of tomatoes, but usually in canned form, and then made into sauces of various kinds.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:42 AM
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battery of scientific instruments in the kitchen: ozonizers to give liquids and foods the perfume of ozone

Mmmm, tasty, toxic ozone.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:42 AM
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As I sit in my office in a produce warehouse, working (or not) as a produce buyer, the article matches my impressions. I've got to go unload a truck, but I'll be around later.


Posted by: Light Rail Tycoon | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:43 AM
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I don't know why people don't eat more cabbage. My stirfries got much better when I realized that about half the volume should be shredded cabbage, with other vegetables and meat as sort of flavorings.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:45 AM
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Also, people only eat canned chile peppers? People eat canned chile peppers full stop?

I guess from the econometric point of view, people are buying canned chile peppers when they buy sauce containing chile peppers. Also, "pickled" sounds more appropriate for peppers than "canned" but would be a subset of canned.

It is weird that apparently all fresh use of chile peppers is not visible on the graph at all.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:45 AM
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Potatoes are the best food ever, excepting meat and dairy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:46 AM
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I don't know why people don't eat more cabbage.

We've been making fish tacos and that involves quite a bit of cabbage. I like it O.K.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:46 AM
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We eat a bunch of hatch green chiles from cans. Jammies slops them on eggs and anything else.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:47 AM
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My stirfries got much better when I realized that about half the volume should be shredded cabbage

That sounds good.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:48 AM
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I just got lunch; only vegetable: lettuce.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:48 AM
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Maybe I'll go eat my healthy lunch at the Greek place. Spinach pie, hummus, salad. Or maybe I'll go to Five Guys and get a bunch of fries.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:50 AM
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2 describes actual dining experiences you'd get in 'El Bulli' and the 'Fat Duck', i.e. with music/sound-effects and sprays of perfume.

It's so easy to make fun of, but my one experience with scents effects at a restaurant was incredible. But I can't even describe it without sounding like a douche to myself.



Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:52 AM
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I eat a lot of fruit, but not that many vegetables. Does that have any nutritional significance?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:54 AM
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It's so easy to make fun of, but my one experience with scents effects at a restaurant was incredible. But I can't even describe it without sounding like a douche to myself.

I'm not sure douche sounds should be part of the experience.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:56 AM
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The lunch I have packed is a shapeless and degrading mass of spinach and chickpeas, cooked with coconut milk. Dali would despise me.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:57 AM
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You did that on purpose?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:57 AM
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21; Although it was the Beach Boys' best album.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:57 AM
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1 made me laugh.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:57 AM
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I don't know why people don't eat more cabbage.

Word. Raw in salads! Braised with apples! Baked with bechamel!

Zardoz will eat braised cabbage over just about any other non-fruit food.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:57 AM
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re: 26.last

xelA will scoff brussels sprouts, and parsnips as if they are made from chocolate covered crack.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 8:59 AM
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Baked with bechamel!

People really need to be sure Maureen Dowd understands how much THC is in her food.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:03 AM
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23: This stuff is awesome. Cook a bag of dried chickpeas until they're cooked; saute a biggish onion, chopped, with a reasonable amount of the Indian spices of your choice (I'm a terribly inauthentic Indian cook, so I add "Curry powder". Kids, don't be like me!). Throw two pounds of frozen spinach, a can or two (I've made it both ways. It's probably better with two) of coconut milk, and the chickpeas in the skillet, and cook low until it's not watery at all. Really really good.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:03 AM
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re: 29

Sound some sort of saag chana masala.

In fact, a quick google gives me:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/feb/11/coconut-chana-saag-vegan-recipe


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:06 AM
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I didn't even know chickpeas came dried. But, I'm not a fan of coconut. I don't even go to Thai restaurants.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:07 AM
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I hope Dali's cookbook includes lots of ants in the recipes.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:08 AM
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22: but it is a lunch of LIBERTY! Apparently.

The first time I ate at the f laundry I was in the vise-like grip of intense morning sickness. It was truffle season. I was the only woman at the table (so served first) & no one there knew I was pregnant. They kept coming at me with covered dishes containing truffles 86 gazillion ways, and opening them at just the right spot for me to get concentrated blast o truffle. Everyone is of course looking at me, as the room spins and i fight desperately to hold back the retching. Truly horrific memory. Luckily had an Italian dude sitting to my right who was happy to eat all my food & drink my wine on the sly, which got much easier to accomplish as the evening progressed and bottles were emptied. He asked no questions, just put it all away.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:09 AM
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31: fresh chickpeas are very fiddly to prepare, usually only one per hairy little pod, also not available for very long. But cute! Dried so much easier.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:11 AM
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I've never even seen a fresh chick pea. We used to buy them in cans and mush them for baby food.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:12 AM
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I'm guessing Moby was implicitly contrasting with canned. Which you could do too -- I'm just hypersensitive to something I don't like about the texture of canned beans.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:14 AM
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re: 36

With chickpeas, if the brand is the right one, I find the canned just fine. However, quite a lot of canned chickpeas are horrible. It's somewhat sensitive to price, but there's a cheap brand here that you get in some supermarkets, and lots of Indian grocers, which is just fine.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:16 AM
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And hardly anything easier to cook, bang in a saucepan with plenty of water, salt, clap a lid on and set on low. Ignore for a few hours.

LB, your lunch sounds delicious. A large part of my diet is pulses and cooked vegetables, the rest is fruit, salad, cheese, almonds & some other nuts, wine and beer, coffee & tea. I am not particularly fond of potatoes, and don't usually bother to eat the piece of bread I use to push things about on my plate. I eat meat if not currently being plagued with insomnia.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:20 AM
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We are entering the season where I eat so many vegetables. I have all sorts of salad greens growing gangbusters in my garden so that is now a staple of the dinner menu. Collards will be ready to start picking in another week or two, I think. Peas are flowering. Planted the kale right behind the peas, which it turns out also means behind a big shady wall of pea plants. It may be awhile before I have significant kale. We planted zucchini again even though we had no idea what to do with all the damn zucchini last year. (I still have zucchini bread in the freezer.) Raw carrots make my mouth itch, but I planted them anyway. I don't eat nearly enough vegetables in the winter. But for the next 2 or 3 months, hurray!


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:21 AM
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I still have zucchini bread in the freezer.

You live in the midwest. The freezers are shipped with zucchini bread in them.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:22 AM
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This place in Nicasio grows peas that are AMAZING and the only fresh ones I've ever thought were worth skipping frozen for. They haven't come in yet this year, I am so looking forward to them...


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:24 AM
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re: 38.1

Yeah, except, I'm never home [or finished putting the baby to bed] before 8:30. So, no dried pulses for me, most of the time. Takes too long. Tinned, or lentils [whch cook quickly enough].


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:24 AM
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That's a drag, just from an overall quality of life time perspective.

I'm pressure cooker curious, anyone here have one?


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:27 AM
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42: Anything I cook with dried beans is cooked on the weekends and frozen for the week, for exactly that reason. I try to keep a batch of chili in dinner-size portions frozen most of the time.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:29 AM
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I try to keep a batch of chili in dinner-size portions frozen most of the time

Plus, in an emergency you could huck it at an intruder.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:30 AM
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46

You periodically thaw and refreeze your chili?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:31 AM
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42.last: no slow cooker? That's our solution for "needs to cook a long time" plus "not home".


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:31 AM
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43 When I lived in Morocco and cooked a lot with dried chickpeas I used a pressure cooker.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:32 AM
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46: technically it sublimates into chili vapor.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:32 AM
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Slow cooker too boring, pressure cooker might EXPLODE! Clearly preferable.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:32 AM
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47.last: Not for beans it's not. Putting fresh beans on low at 8am still makes them overcooked by the time we get home around 6. Bah.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:33 AM
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You could easily make a slow cooker with a small probability of exploding.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:34 AM
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53

If you cook it sous vide you can achieve Chili IX. Then all the beans in the world congeal into a giant mass.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:34 AM
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48: how long did it take, usually? Any explosions? Would you use one again?


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:34 AM
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43.last: Got an electric one this past winter. It's great although I feel like I'm only now finally getting a real feel for it. Which you really need, what with the whole explosive steam precluding a quick investigation of the current state of the contents. But definitely nice when on the fence about whether it's too late to bother starting some beans or dal or even rice.


Posted by: potchkeh | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:35 AM
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I'm pressure cooker curious, anyone here have one?

clew has been talking up the Instant Pot for a while.

I've just gotten into lentils this last year, and I don't know what took me so long. They're delicious, simple, and seem healthy.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:36 AM
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Slow cooker is my solution for dried beans and no time. I dump them in the slow cooker in the morning, they are done when I get home from work. Extra bonus: I've often forgotten I'd done this by the time I get home and am so excited to open the door and discover I DON'T HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO MAKE FOR DINNER!!


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:36 AM
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51: that's why we should put the slow cooker in the freezer next time.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:37 AM
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53: refry the earth


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:40 AM
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All this talk about cooking and spices is pushing me the opposite direction. I may go get sushi for lunch. There's a place with a machine to enrice the seaweed.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:40 AM
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I don't know what took me so long

They're made of people.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:40 AM
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48 That was a long time ago and I don't recall precisely how long it took. Not very long I'd say, maybe 25 minutes to a half an hour and then time to cool down. Sometimes I'd presoak overnight which changed the cooking time. I was always I bit wary of the thing, accidents were not unheard of.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:47 AM
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There is a Tunisian-Moroccan cafe here that makes the most amazing lentil soup. So so so delicious. Zitouna, for anyone in SF. Sadly the guy who runs it closes it for loooong unpredictable stretches. He must have a very odd lease. A month during Ramadan, I can understand, but random multi month stretches? I go through painful withdrawal. There's a very traditional Yemeni mosque round the corner from the cafe, and usually lots of dudes from the mosque at the cafe when it is open. I figure likely 25% of the mosque goers are on the federal payroll, so whenever a cafe hiatus starts to drag on I'm always tempted to ask the AUSAs I know to ask their F/B/I colleagues when the cafe is going to open again. Thus far I've managed to not ask, as likely not to go particularly well, but hard to resist.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 9:47 AM
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Chickpeas and lettuce suck. Why the fuck have they invaded everything. Most other vegetables are good and easy to make. Corn is death and not a vegetable. Potatoes aren't death but will make you fat. All of this "oh I don't know how long to cook the daal" nonsense goes away if you just have a fucking tasty steak on a bed of kale every night, 15 minutes top start to finish.*

*not actually permitted every night in the current Halford domestic setup but when I'm cooking that's what we're eating.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:08 AM
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I use the Instant Pot daily, sometimes with a standard pressure cooker going on the stove. The next model is going to be controllable over bluetooth, but the existing buttons do me fine so far.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:08 AM
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On the other hand, despite chickpeas sucking it, you know what Indian food item is super awesome? Ghee. I just got a huge fucking jar of that shit at the gym and it makes everything awesome. Here comes a fucking fat bomb in your cooked collard greens!! A dollop on your steak!


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:15 AM
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a fucking tasty steak on a bed of kale every night, 15 minutes top start to finish

How does this work with cleaning the kale? Crinkly leaves get lots of dirt in them. Or am I just getting particularly dirty kale?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:19 AM
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Eating dirt is very paleo.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:20 AM
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I just got a huge fucking jar of that shit at the gym

I guess gatorade isn't so paleo but what's wrong with just having water mid-workout?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:20 AM
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I don't even really know how you drink ghee, come to think of it. Do you need like one of those big boba straws?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:21 AM
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Maybe? I dunno, I just run the leaves under a pretty hard stream of cold water from the sink faucet for a few seconds and they seem to be dirt free. Separate out the bunch first. And I always cook the kale (quickly, in olive oil or even better GHEE) so maybe that helps.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:22 AM
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71 to 67. To 69, my pregnant wife is refusing to use the jar-from-the-itinerant-ghee-vendor-picked-up-at-the-gym ghee raw because of "health" concerns but goddamn is it tasty.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:24 AM
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Speaking of mysterious, butter-themed health fads.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:26 AM
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OK, I literally had bulletproof coffee at the gym with the ghee on the day I bought the ghee.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:27 AM
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Sorta wondered.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:28 AM
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Here is the ghee company.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:29 AM
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The belief that lettuce sucks is almost certainly based on a lack of familiarity with the proper types of lettuce. Since picking up gardening, I have discovered all kinds of nutty, mustardy, tangy buttery flavors existing in lettuce form. Sadly, my inability to either label things or hold on to the seed packets means I don't actually know what kinds of lettuce I am eating. But it's all kinds of tasty. My garden makes me so happy.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:32 AM
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The world's most awesome lettuce moves the dial from "sucks" to "kinda OK" but doesn't get beyond that IMO. Cooked vegetables fuck yeah.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:33 AM
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42.last: no slow cooker? That's our solution for "needs to cook a long time" plus "not home".

Skipping half the thread, we're gone too long to make the slow cooker work. I think 6-8 hours is probably fine, but at best we're gone for ten hours. Everything turns into overcooked grossness.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:34 AM
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How much science can fit into one cup of coffee?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:36 AM
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Halford, do what you must with the lettuce, but if you ban chickpeas, things will get ugly.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:41 AM
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That coffee sounds delicious. But I'm betting they will look at me strangely if I tried to order it at my local coffee shop. (Even if I explain how to make it.)


Posted by: Zurple | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:45 AM
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64 if you just have a fucking tasty steak on a bed of kale every night, 15 minutes top start to finish.*

Don't you get bored? I eat a pretty boring diet but at least it usually doesn't involve precisely the same foods more than one night in a row.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:46 AM
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Zurple!


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:46 AM
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The bulletproof coffee really is delicious, though I'm so used to black coffee that I haven't bothered making it, especially since one thing that's for sure is that I'm already eating plenty of fat in the morning.

83 -- you can sub in pork chops, or lamb, or sausages, or collard greens, or chard, or bok choy, or even, God help you, chicken or fish. And you can use different seasonings (I have some mole that I just started to use as a sauce for chicken, and that alleviates boredom). And, in reality, even for me it's only a weeknight staple dinner, and even then only when I'm doing the cooking (on weekends you can go to steakhouses). But, still, under 15 minutes gets you a big fat protein on a bed of some kind of cooked green vegetables night after night. Cooking problem solved.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:57 AM
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Mole!


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 10:58 AM
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I am now eating what is basically Super Colon Blow once a day in yogurt. It is successfully preventing some of my most unpleasant pregnancy symptoms, but it really does taste like sawdust-wrapped-dog food.

OTOH, it keeps me full for a shockingly long time.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:10 AM
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88

Full and empty, at the same time.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:15 AM
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The hare krisna lady cookbook from years ago has the sweetest method for making ghee, it's always worked well for me. Put a good amount of butter (at least a pound) in a heavy bottomed pan on very low heat and then listen for when the burbling & chitter chatter of the water cooking off stops. Eavesdropping on cooking butter makes me cheerful.

Pour off the ghee but don't discard the milk solids that fall to the bottom, they'll have delightfully caramelized. Spread them in bread or put them on rice, a piece of meat, vegetables...they are delicious! Particularly good with a tiny bit of salt and tart jam or a hot, sweet pickle.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:19 AM
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88: The distribution is important.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:20 AM
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Sweet pickles should be legal, because freedom, but they should have to call them something else. Candied cucumbers?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:22 AM
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I'm starting to suspect I go to Fake Crossfit. The douchebro's brother owns a bunch of local NutriShops. They're very into mysterious supplements.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:22 AM
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I'm pretty sure my gym owner dude is at the far crazy extreme of any diet, or really of anything else. The new official line is "eat almost exclusively organ meat" which is pretty amazing.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:26 AM
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I don't think either common English slang or science is going to make that one easier for him.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:27 AM
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Douchebrowner is so terrible that I brought my out-of-town friend in on Monday and he did not watch her form and make sure she was doing things safely. There were five of us in class, so he didn't exactly have his hands full. He just mostly sits in front of the computer.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:28 AM
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The other trainers were much more into the Crossfit-supportive-safety-etc-vibe, but I think since things are so slow over the summer, he does a lot more of the classes himself.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:29 AM
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"Douche-browner"


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:30 AM
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Ewwwwwww.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:30 AM
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Douchebrowner? Is that that famous sandwich?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:31 AM
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"That's not the douche browner. That's my bulletproof coffee enema."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:32 AM
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Also I'm now openly pregnant there, and people chat about it with me, but Douchsandwich and I do not acknowledge it to each other. Me because I think it's kind of funny to see how long this stalemate will continue. Him because it's awkward, I assume. I'm a jerk!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:32 AM
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We have one trainer who seriously looks like Thor, has flowing blond locks, is an incredible athlete, is a soft-spoken, sweet guy, and is also a Ph.D. grad student in literature who earns good money on the side as a motorcycle mechanic.

I keep thinking that I should somehow make money by exploiting his erotic-novel-for-professional-women potential, but I can't figure out how to do so.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:36 AM
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I think the wikipedia page on "pandering" would be the place to start.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:36 AM
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There was a guy working the till at a local chi chi pizza joint when it first opened like 6 years ago who was the spitting image of a young Neptune. Mmmmmmm.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:38 AM
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102: Back when I took that ski trip to Taos, I mentioned that Buck's ski instructor was a Native American grad student biologist who made money on the side in a mariachi band? Which seemed absurdly romance-novel cool to me. (Although, he admittedly did not look like Thor. Little wiry guy with acne scars. But athletic.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:42 AM
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102: Have him launch a nutritional supplements line, like Fabio's doing now.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 11:53 AM
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Halford, just sleep with the guy already, you wuss.

I have an Instant Pot. Used it last night, in fact. We got in NM when we got tired of waiting for hours for things to cook at altitude. It's good.

Don't you get bored?

My goal is to eat the same thing for each meal (breakfast differs from lunch, but never from breakfast, etc.). Variety happens, just because sometimes you go out, or to someone's house, whatever. I think I'm almost there.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:04 PM
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Is there a reason for the goal? I could see how it might make it easier to lose or maintain weight. And less effort shopping, I guess.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:06 PM
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Just because I like routine and don't like not knowing what I'm going to be eating later.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:07 PM
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108. Absolute consistency and predictability of elimination. The toilet has a built-in scale.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:10 PM
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I love all shell fish... food that only a battle to peel makes it vulnerable to the conquest of our palate

You know what I really don't want to hear? Salvador Dali's thoughts on seduction.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:10 PM
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102.1 We have one trainer who seriously looks like Thor, has flowing blond locks

I wonder if there's a population in Norway or something who are totally pissed at Marvel for overriding the traditional image of Thor.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:32 PM
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ogged's thoughts on seduction mirror his thoughts on meal planning.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:34 PM
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112: the Jheri curls, you mean?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:34 PM
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102: You're assuming that the good money he makes on the side is all from fixing motorcycles? Does he make housecalls for women who need their motorcycle fixed?


Posted by: Dave W. | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 12:43 PM
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I think whoever wrote this article is not FB friends with me, as lately I've taken to spamming the world with vegetables soon to be found on my plate, and so far there have only been 2 potatoes (no corn, no lettuce).

(Now I shall read the thread.)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 1:00 PM
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Also, I concur with the cabbage lovers in the comments above. Cabbage is truly great. (However, getting multiple heads week after week in my veg box can be.....tiring. Hurray for England in the winter!)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 1:09 PM
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Hang on, ms bracketly: it isn't winter any longer in this part of England, not this week at least.

(oh, fuck I am tired. I gotup at 4:20 this morning and am now not doing corrections for a piece for a magazine that runes on Eastern time. Tell me they've all gone home for the weekend already)


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 1:29 PM
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I was thinking back to the parade of cabbage heads I received during winter.

It has been spectacularly lovely for the last month, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, I went to Scotland and only got rained on once! Though I hear we're in for a storm tomorrow....

And they've all gone home -- you go home too! Or at least go to sleep.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 1:35 PM
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fuck I am tired. I gotup at 4:20 this morning

That's code for Nworb went to sleep stoned and woke up same.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 1:49 PM
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Vegetables are nice as a bit of flavoring or color, but for the most part that's it. (Prime greenmarket season partially excepted)


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 1:51 PM
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You know what I really don't want to hear? Salvador Dali's thoughts on seduction.

Eyes, it's all about the eyes. You just need to handle the woman's eyes in the right way.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 1:55 PM
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Also I'm now openly pregnant there, and people chat about it with me, but Douchsandwich and I do not acknowledge it to each other. Me because I think it's kind of funny to see how long this stalemate will continue. Him because it's awkward, I assume. I'm a jerk!

Did I miss something? Is Douchsandwich the father?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 2:30 PM
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Ssssh! Jammies doesn't know.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 2:32 PM
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a magazine that runes on Eastern time

Old school.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 2:57 PM
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Eyes, it's all about the eyes. You just need to handle the woman's eyes in the right way.

Ew. Andalew, specifically.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 3:00 PM
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Tonight, we are eating the least common vegetable. Makes up for the iceberg lettuce at lunch, I hope.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 5:36 PM
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Tonight, we are eating the least common vegetable.

Man?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 5:38 PM
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128: *clap clap clap*


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 5:46 PM
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102: Cam man! Ask a bunch of people at the gym questions, but make it possible to subscribe to just Sweet Thor.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 06- 6-14 7:11 PM
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11: I think you just changed my life.


Posted by: Benquo | Link to this comment | 06- 7-14 5:05 AM
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51: that's why it's important to get one with a timer.


Posted by: Benquo | Link to this comment | 06- 7-14 5:06 AM
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64: my life probably got a lot healthier once I figured out the crappy downscale version of this:

Pre-washed supermarket baby kale sauteed with a couple of frozen garlic cubes and a sliced chile de arbol, also from my freezer (I bought a bagful at the farmers market four years ago, and use them regularly).
Burger on top.


Posted by: Benquo | Link to this comment | 06- 7-14 5:09 AM
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This thread is dead by now, but by god, I must say: my household is in possession of a new fridge, and I cannot tell you how exciting it is! It's well-lit, it has tons of compartments in the door section ....

Well. It is very exciting. No more with the on-its-last-legs piece of junk refrigerator we'd been grappling with, which occasionally melted the ice in the freezer or produced condensation on the veggies in the fridge. So awesome.

Erm, I should probably stop opening and closing it just to look at it. It's only been plugged in for a couple of hours. Good news also: one can receive a $100-$150 rebate for acquiring an EnergyStar fridge, and an additional $50 for turning in the old one to the appropriate parties.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 06- 7-14 12:48 PM
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11: I think you just changed my life.

Now, if anyone ever asks, "what has unfogged done for you?" You can reply, "Nothing! . . . no, wait, it did convince me to use a lot more cabbage in my stir fries, and that changed my life."


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 06- 7-14 1:34 PM
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134.last: Just so long as the appropriate parties aren't unlicensed day care centers.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06- 7-14 2:15 PM
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135: I also learned about Ook shields to hang things on plaster walls, found out about that Comme Une Enfant music video that delighted a very picky friend of mine, and picked up a sense of humor that I've been successfully using to flirt up a new friendship via Twitter (basically, I ask myself, "what would the generic Unfogged commenter say in response to this?", and then I say it).


Posted by: Benquo | Link to this comment | 06- 8-14 8:11 PM
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137.last is terrifying.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 1:56 AM
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134.last: Just so long as the appropriate parties aren't unlicensed day care centers.

Yeah, you really want your daycare centres to serve booze.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 2:45 AM
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my husband wishes to point out that compared with marinetti's ideas that wars were a super-awesome idea and people should fight them all the time, his cooking foibles are as naught.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 4:15 AM
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Well, yes, that's the nature of the beast with Futurism. Great art, if you ignore all the purification through technologically enhanced slaughter stuff.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 5:03 AM
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re: 141

Same with Vorticism, although you do get quite a bit of good war art, and anti-war stuff emerging out of that once yer actual Vorticists came in contact with yer actual war.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 5:07 AM
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138: Hey, the generic Unfogged commenter is suave, aren't they?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 5:08 AM
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LB knows that she is the generic Unfogged commenter, but won't admit it openly.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 6:00 AM
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66: How does dairy fit in with a paleo diet? This is almost making me question the sincerity of the attempt to replicate the actual eating behavior of cavemen.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 6:07 AM
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I love our CSA; the whole "you get lots of new (to you) vegetables + recipes" plus the guilt at throwing out food uneaten does a good job of pushing us to eat more veggies.

A big part of it is that you're eating things when they're ripe, instead of things picked weeks ago and shipped from half-way around the world.


Posted by: Mooseking | Link to this comment | 06- 9-14 9:37 AM
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138: I just called another friend racist, in the Unfogged style, over an Africanized killer bees joke. I sure hope this goes over well.

144: I wish I could mimic with that level of precision. And that I could write like LB.


Posted by: Benquo | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 8:05 AM
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Were you around, back in the day, when The English Courtesan told me I had to learn to be nicer or girls wouldn't like me? Imitating my writing style might not be your best flirting option. (I'm not even going to go into how it works in reality.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 8:07 AM
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146 - we abandoned our CSA because our guilt at throwing out vegetables just led to us keeping rotten vegetables around until we finally threw them out anyway.


Posted by: Tom Scudder | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 8:10 AM
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Incidentally I cooked up a head of cabbage last weekend with some ground pork and it was very tasty. So thanks for the prompting (without the mention here I probably would have used broccoli which also would have been good, but cabbage with a fatty meat is a classic combination).


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 8:11 AM
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Fisherman who ate his friend walks free

A Russian fisherman has been given a suspended sentence for eating a friend despite admitting he was not hungry at the time

Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 3:55 PM
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Despite? Murder for personal gain has always been punished more heavily than almost all other motives.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 6:22 PM
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Wait. There's nothing about murder in the headline. I suppose if he just found a body, that would be weird if he wasn't hungry and still ate it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 6:30 PM
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You wouldn't be curious? Or guilty about letting him rot and go to waste?


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 6:42 PM
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A lot of my friends are doing that while alive.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-11-14 6:47 PM
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