Re: Guest Post - Technique

1

I think I saw Death Blowjob on Cinemax After Dark.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:32 AM
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The scientist faked his orgasm/death and caught her before she could steal the codes for the controls of the satellites.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:35 AM
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Also known as Master Pai Mei's Five Point Blowjob Exploding Heart Technique.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:45 AM
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If you have five points, maybe see a doctor.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:47 AM
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Clearly we have moved beyond Superkoranic.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:59 AM
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I was really not aware of the "blowjobs are what white girls do" narrative until I spent a whole lot of time in the black community. I do think there's a particular racial dynamic to what she's teaching.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:01 AM
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Blowjobs = Death.
White girls = Blowjobs.
White girls = Death.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:05 AM
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7 Blicero's blowjobs will make you come screaming across the sky.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:20 AM
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A racial dynamic? And blow jobs are a white girl thing?

I learn so much from Unfogged.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:27 AM
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10

And well-done with the GR reference.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:28 AM
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11

6:
Is that gender-specific or all oral?


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:29 AM
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11: That seems to depend on the person believing in the prohibition, but I think it's specifically female->male that's deprecated by a fair number of my (educated, middle-class) friends as disgusting in a way that I wouldn't expect to hear from similar white friends. It's a HUGE topic and debate on Black Twitter. Beyonce has a whole song about receiving oral sex, though maybe one of the others ("Partition," right?) was about giving; I haven't actually listened to the whole album or anything.

There was an episode of Braxton Family Values, the reality tv show about Toni Braxton and her sisters, where one of the sisters was criticized for engaging in what she called an "oral transaction" with a guy, which her sister Tamar, who's judgmental but not a prude, seemed to rule out just categorically while other sisters insisted that it would be okay but only if she'd received from him at least three or four times already. All of this was separate from the issue of her cheating on her husband to do this, and what she'd done in choosing a sex act was clearly the much more scandalous part.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:39 AM
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I never really appreciated until now exactly how privileged White Male Privilege actually is.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:02 AM
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Nix the Piketty comments momentarily, people. I want to see Mouthpiece Technique all over the sidebar.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:06 AM
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I didn't actually know about Auntie Angel before this piece, though I was vaguely aware that a grapefruit video existed. But there are several black women working as sort of blowjob evangelists from both quasi-religious rationales like this one as well as more explicitly feminist ones. (Much as I hate to even type it, "knob-slobbing feminism" is what to google not from work if you're interested in the latter.)


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:07 AM
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blowjob evangelists

Janey Oral Seed.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:10 AM
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I want to see Mouthpiece Technique all over the sidebar.

Comments on Sneaky are permitted as well. Sneaky Mouthpiece Technique is the best Mouthpiece Technique.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:28 AM
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Not the first time I've thought how many compatilities I might have with a black partner. Not the one that's mostly determinative, of course.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:31 AM
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17: There was a Connect-Four-themed incest joke in there somewhere but it seemed like a good one to throw back.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:45 AM
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16: Aimee Mouthful McPherson


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:45 AM
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21

I suppose the missionary position is outdated as a means of proselytision now.


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:58 AM
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Also, Thorn's comments on this are just, um, blowing my mind. A reality show where sisters discuss cheating on their husband? Isn't the point of cheating that it be somewhat surreptitious? And, um, in real life do people get into discussions of orifice preference as between particular partners?


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:05 AM
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blowjob evangelists

Speaking in tongues is making a comeback.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:08 AM
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22: Well, he started it! And so her sisters already judged him for that. It's a super messy show, though I admit to not watching as closely as Lee does and I'm probably missing things. I'm pretty sure at least three of the five sisters have cheated on their husbands during the run of the show. They are all of course still vocal about their Christianity, too, and there are plenty of prayers. Their mom still hasn't forgiven their minister father for his infidelities when they were married. Seriously, I hope someone is getting a dissertation out of this stuff.

Another Braxton Family Values story that will probably flop as drastically here as it did at home was when I complained about the poor quality of the sisters' lacefronts (wigs) and Lee thought I meant camisoles or something. I think this is not a show that straight white people watch, though there's apparently significant camp appeal for certain white gay men.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:16 AM
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23 is in the vicinity of my 4-way incest better-to-be-thrown-back joke.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:17 AM
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22: I should really try to find a clip. I'm pretty sure while they had this discussion they were shopping for clothes together, so there were plenty of other regular people just doing their shopping having to overhear this conversation and all the shouting about it. I know Tamar pretended to take a call from Jesus Christ partway through. I should probably just hit youtube now.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:20 AM
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27

Here, oral transaction.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:22 AM
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Black Twitter

One hundred forty characters, and a mule.


Posted by: Todd | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:23 AM
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29

[Obligatory George Herbert reference omitted]


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:25 AM
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Man, when this Piketty stuff is over I should totally start an unfogged Trashy Reality TV Viewing Group. I have seen way too much.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:27 AM
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Isn't there an actual naked dating reality show on right now?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:29 AM
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I think my lifelong crush on Abby Lincoln as the preacher's daughter might be dissonant with B'ton Family Values.

Used to love Toni's videos; twenty years ago when my daughter was just a tot.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:41 AM
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29. Wut?

A main who looks on trashy reality TV
On it may stay his eye
Or if he pleaseth suck some dick
And then the heaven espy.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:43 AM
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Isn't there an actual naked dating reality show on right now?

Naked throughout the entire dating process? Where does one take a date under such circumstances? I mean, putting aside all the places with a "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" sign in the window . . .
And at the end of dinner, do you have to do the dine-and-dash? Because I'm assuming you left your wallet at home, unless . . .


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:47 AM
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35

I have rarely felt whiter than I do now.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:01 AM
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Look, flip, we're not all dating people who require us to see a lot more chamber music than we would otherwise. It's just like that except not.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:09 AM
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35 is a bold claim.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:11 AM
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Isn't there an actual naked dating reality show on right now?

It's like you don't watch the Teo and Smearcase Show.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:13 AM
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39

Which is to say we discussed it. We didn't go on an actual..oh, forget it.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:13 AM
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40

I should probably also have said that among black blowjob evangelists there's also a racial arms race strand where the driving theory is that black men are dating white women for reasons like this, and so black women need to step up their game. I find that really creepy and shaming and don't pay much attention to it, but it's probably a more common message than either version I referenced.

Also, I'm not sure if it's weird that I'm dominating this conversation so much. Unexpected, maybe? Perhaps any weirdness can be discussed later on the Teo and Smearcase Show!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:28 AM
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The Teo and Smearcase show may in fact be the whitest show ever. Although it has stiff competition from every early '60s sitcom and Game of Thrones.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:42 AM
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38: My Tivo ate it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:43 AM
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40.last: Perhaps any weirdness can be discussed later on the Teo and Smearcase Show!

It's like the Highway 61 of Unfogged.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:44 AM
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42: IYKWIMAITYD.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:44 AM
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45

Professor Banks and I would like to suggest to the sisters that many a white guy would have no issues with their preferences.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:47 AM
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I do hope the presidential commenter will explain why he (or she, I suppose) chose to go presidential about this.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:47 AM
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"given their men my blowjobs"


Posted by: torque | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 12:15 PM
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I should probably also have said that among black blowjob evangelists there's also a racial arms race strand where the driving theory is that black men are dating white women for reasons like this, and so black women need to step up their game.

That would certainly go along with the notion that white women are comparatively afraid of pregnancy.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 12:26 PM
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49

Compared to white men, for certain.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 12:42 PM
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I've been told, but don't know, that European women are less likely to offer fellation than their American sisters. Maybe this really is the greatest country in the world.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 12:47 PM
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Thorn, your video is not available in Knifecrimea. I will never understand now the finer points of blowjob discussion on a shopping trip.

Still, when I look back on my life I would like to be able to say that I spent more time engaged one way or another in oral sex than ever shopping for clothes.


Posted by: King Charles II | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 12:49 PM
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52

You have two equilibria. One of them involves you looking like a particularly lazy hobo.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 1:06 PM
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53

The other involves you spending much of your life in a nudist camp.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 1:11 PM
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I suppose there's also the scenario that involves you having a personal assistant who does all of your shopping.


Posted by: MAE | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 1:14 PM
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51: Get tunnel bear.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 1:44 PM
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I find it incredibly difficult to watch reality TV, but I find summaries of what is going on in them incredibly compelling. I think I just need to find good reality TV recappers.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 1:50 PM
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57

This really seems like it'd be somewhat out of the realm of expertise of Thorn,


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 1:57 PM
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That video is really something.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 2:02 PM
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59

Kinda sounds like Taz.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 2:04 PM
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60

I got tunnel Bear. It is a filthy republican program that refuses to work for European royalty.


Posted by: King Charles II | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 2:27 PM
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I'm going to have to look that up on urban dictionary.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 2:30 PM
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But the official glossary of that show is really something:


aura:
the glow around something.
Used in a sentence:
Tamar- "You know that aura Jesus got around him? That's pretty much what I look like after I go spray tanning."


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 2:37 PM
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I had some taxes to do. I have now listened to 5 straight hours of Braxton Family Values. I do sympathize with Towanda.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 4:33 PM
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64

who will try it for science? surely someone.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:02 PM
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Spray tanning?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:08 PM
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66

If this is the Race/Gender thread I thought this was an interesting article about the Beyonce/Nikki Minaj remix of "Flawless"

From Donny Hathaway and Stevie Wonder to Kanye West and Black Star, these are all people who have made me want to scream "I am black" from the highest mountaintop, with the loudest megaphone.

But race and gender aren't the same thing. They're cousins, not fraternal twins. And you can't always put yourself in someone else's shoes, every single time, purely for the sake of your own acceptance and self-reference.

....

When "Flawless" first came out and would come on at a social gathering, the dance floor would often quickly be covered by women, as if we were mere moments away from a bouquet toss. And the result would be a bunch of dudes standing around, watching a room of women losing it. There are only a handful of examples that can mirror this reaction, most of which are Nicki verses and Beyoncé songs. But none are quite like "Flawless."

And every time, it's amazing to watch. To witness women getting excited over music that's actually pro-woman. It's beautiful to watch people go through things, even when you aren't privileged to have the same reaction and, in the moment, are more of a spectator than participant.

There's a certain amount of hyperbole there, but it nevertheless seems sincere.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:10 PM
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64: Heart stopping blowjobs? I'm not sure I could get the boyfriend to sign on. He's pretty risk-averse about death.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:12 PM
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67: she didn't indicate that the grapefruit was potentially fatal though, specifically. maybe folks were just scared to death by the tasmanian devil they thought had arrived to disembowel.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:21 PM
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we definitely don't keep grapefruits around though


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:23 PM
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I recently read some account of the Grapefruit Technique being tried in real life though I can't remember where. Apparently it was effective.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:23 PM
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That video is really something.

Yes it is. Way more interesting than I would have guessed from the description in this thread, and definitely something.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:29 PM
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72

I will selflessly volunteer to be on the receiving end. For science.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:44 PM
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I was *not* expecting the sound effects.

72: you should put that in the profile!


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:45 PM
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Just the text in 72, though. No further context.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:51 PM
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72 to 53


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:53 PM
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76

57: Actually....


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 5:58 PM
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67: It was the one combining a blow job with a vibrator on the perineum that was deadly.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:01 PM
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78

I very much doubt that that would be deadly.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:03 PM
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79

you can more than just doubt it


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:04 PM
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76: fair enough.out of your usual lane then


Posted by: turgid jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:09 PM
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80: For sure! I'm just glad/sorry I could turn people onto the Braxtons.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:10 PM
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78: I do too. I just wanted to clarify that Angel never said that the grapefruit technique was deadly. I think that there are people whose cardiovascular health is so compromised that sex is too dangerous.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:11 PM
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83

Looks like Angel has solved our execution crisis.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:18 PM
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82: she even mentioned grapefruit/medicine incompatibility


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:18 PM
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Nelson Rockefeller?


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:18 PM
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86

85->82


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:19 PM
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85->70


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:21 PM
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Oh, also I transcribed the Braxtons video for werdna since he couldn't see it, and I can give it to anyone else who wants a copy, though watching 3 minutes of fascinatingly stupid tv is probably easier than emailing me. I have still not watched the grapefruit video and have no plans to transcribe its contents.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:38 PM
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87 was great.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:39 PM
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66: Song features three cunnilingus references (that I caught, anyway) and no fellatio. Just for the record!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:52 PM
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I haven't watched the video, but the grapefruit thing does make me wonder. Peeling or juicing citrus makes my hands hurt. It's kind of acidic for these purposes.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 6:59 PM
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It's kind of acidic for these purposes.

One of the things noted in the article I read (where?? ah, here) was that the juice stung in the urethra in the aftermath.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:05 PM
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This has left me feeling even more obsolete than usual. I've never enjoyed fellatio particularly, and have always been under the impression many women treated it as something of a chore, which they'd be happy to forgo if it weren't desired.

But I'm getting the sense that both parties now expect this, and a reaction like mine might be hurtful or baffling if encountered, so that the man might not want to give offense.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:08 PM
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The link in 92 is great. "I thought back on all my years reading Pinterest, and realized that this was truly the first time any craft project I had found on the Internet had actually worked out."


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:10 PM
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94: That line made me laugh out loud.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:13 PM
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Aw, don't worry, idp, there are still women among the youth who don't like fellatio.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:21 PM
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96:

I'm sure, and this is all hypothetical anyway, and there is discovery and risk-taking and trust in every encounter always.

Still, the expectation I postulated might very well control the situation, at least to start with.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:29 PM
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96: At least that's what they told neb.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:31 PM
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I think "I would prefer not to" works fine in most sexual contexts and you can hash out the details of whose interests lie where and how to deal with that later.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:32 PM
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I thought, somehow, that 98 would be so obvious that not even our most shameless commenter would make it.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:33 PM
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Is Stormcrow the most shameless commenter? Speaking of that, where's drunkurple?


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:33 PM
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102

I think there are also many boys who would prefer other acts if given the option, but then again, aren't the actual youths out having anal for Jesus?


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:40 PM
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This is the first time I've ever noticed anyone link to Bustle since the New Yorker profile.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:41 PM
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101: The produce aisle.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:46 PM
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104: Oh no, not a genuinely novel sexual act one could perform with a bean thing!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:48 PM
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The Thing with the Cup O' Noodles?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:48 PM
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I'd say "learn from porn,"--presented by Angel's interview as an obvious step--is a big change in how people start out sexually from 50 years ago, when this stuff wouldn't have been available for kids. That was about when puberty hit for me, and for better or worse, we were in the dark about how it would go.

I know the experience of porn has been part of the environment for my kids, and I'm presuming wasn't too damaging--the contrivance is too obvious, so that it'd be hard to take literally. But there is probably still an impact on expectations, however unconscious.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 7:58 PM
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"Learn from porn at age 27" was her specific step, which seems different, and her own videos are (I guess; having only now seen the grapefruit one) presented as an alternative of sorts.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:05 PM
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109

When I hit puberty, ramen noddles only came in a brick.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:13 PM
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110

Guilty as charged.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:29 PM
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111

I thought I was having a lot of weird conversations today, but I really missed out by not being online for the great reality TV blowjob discussion.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:34 PM
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112

Although discovering that my hotel's only vending machine dispenses hot bottles of Coke for 50 cents was also weird.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:35 PM
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113

Is there an ice machine?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:35 PM
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Haven't found one. I guess I could ask the surly 12-year-old guy at the front desk.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:36 PM
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111: You're just in time for the Teo and Smearcase show, though. Tonight's topic: blowjobs.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:36 PM
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116

Rerun?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:37 PM
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117

You're going to want that Coke bottle to be room temperature.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:37 PM
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118

Someone somewhere must be writing teo/Smearcase slash fic.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:37 PM
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119

Amarillo, btw. Today was not great, but nothing in particular went wrong. I think it's just enough with the driving already.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:38 PM
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120

Although discovering that my hotel's only vending machine dispenses hot bottles of Coke for 50 cents was also weird.

Did you want to pay a different amount?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:39 PM
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Good driving, heebie! Now you can kick back and work on your Teo/Smearcase slash fic!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:41 PM
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122

Well, first I was puzzled by the 50 cent price for a 20 oz bottle, thinking I must have been transported back to the 80s or something. Then the price seemed more reasonable once I felt what the machine dispensed.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:41 PM
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123

Lessons learned today include "if only one hotel in town seems reasonably priced, it probably isn't", "no, dumbass, you really don't want to spend 8 hours on a plane two days in one week just to spend 8 hours on the intervening day listening to people have the same argument they had the last four times you were in the same room with them", and "never trust a 50-cent Coke machine".


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:44 PM
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124

Good luck building a blowjob-advice-video empire out of all that, essear.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:46 PM
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125

One of those has a really low opportunity cost.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:46 PM
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126

There's probably a Fitty Cent joke to be made. Also I own Toni Braxton CDs, maybe not plural though.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:47 PM
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I would have suggested 123 as a t/S scenario, but the implausibility of having Smearcase on planes for 8 hours at a time seemed insurmountable.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:49 PM
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128

I knew that looked wrong, but I couldn't resolve without looking it up how 50 Cent is supposed to mean the rapper and not the cost of essear's soda.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:49 PM
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129

So, teo/Smearcase slash. What's the scenario?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:49 PM
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130

Start with some Amarillo helium.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:51 PM
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131

Do we have to worry about the ethics of real people slash or are teo and Smearcase sufficiently fictional for that not to count? I suppose Bave's answer is the one that matters most.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:55 PM
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132

127: Maybe I'm the only one flying.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:57 PM
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133

131: I think we're fictional enough. But yeah, probably Bave's call.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:58 PM
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134

99: there are works of fiction I've thought of in bed, but "Bartleby the Scrivener" hasn't been one of them.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 8:59 PM
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135

134 to 129.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:00 PM
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136

134: Maybe you need to live a little!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:02 PM
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137

136: I would prefer not to.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:05 PM
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138

137: Deprecated emoticon!!!!!!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:06 PM
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139

This is pretty good.

Say what you will about Bartleby, dude had stamina.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:08 PM
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140

I'm concerned that so little progress is being made on the S/t thing.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:09 PM
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141

Be the change, nosflow.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:10 PM
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142

Too bad that teo writes his pseud in lowercase and Smearcase with capitals, rather than the other way around.

141: oh gosh, me, write something? I couldn't.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:12 PM
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143

The night was sultry.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:27 PM
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144

If i remember correctly from my surreptitious perusing of mass market paperbacks at a used bookstore in my youth, there's quite a lot of advice for woman on how to give oral sex in The Sensuous Woman, by "J", first published in 1969.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 9:41 PM
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145

I've been really hoping 142.1 will lead to a followup about what nosflow assumes the relationship dynamics are, but it's almost as if no one wants to explore that further. (Possibly, just possibly, it was a bad idea for me to drink that off-brand diet cola with caffeine when I presented at a training on transracial parenting this evening. But everyone was very complimentary about what a great foster/adoptive parent I am, because it's easy to listen to a white woman, and now I'm stuck awake and suffering. Suffering from a lack of teo/Smearcase slash, at least!)


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:25 PM
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146

it's almost as if no one wants to explore that further

I do!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:27 PM
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I don't feel like I'm in the best position to do the exploring myself, though, IYKWIM.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:27 PM
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Smearcase is going to be so weirded out when he returns to the thread and sees the direction it's taken.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:28 PM
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Or will he, though? And do you have an explanation for why you chose to not capitalize yourself? I have to admit that I find that question most interesting for will, but I've wondered sometimes if most of the people here are lower-case at this point.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:30 PM
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150

No particular explanation except that I like the look of it written out all lowercase.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:32 PM
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It's definitely more pleasing that way, but I think that's just because I'm used to the all-lowercase version being you. I'm sure if you'd done it the other way that would also feel right from the outside.

And now I'm reconsidering nosflow and thinking it was just a D/s joke and not actually any particular insights into the Teo and Smearcase Show or its constituent parts, which is sad!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:34 PM
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152

I was also wondering what he meant, but that's probably it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:35 PM
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153

That or he's extrapolating a hell of a lot from Smearcase's opera fascinations and/or off-blog knowledge of both of you.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:37 PM
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Though as I recall, teo, in DC you wore jeans and some sort of checked shirt. Perhaps it's your cowboyish masculinity making such an impact. It would be foolish not to speculate if the alternative is letting the blog lie fallow until Smearcase is available, bless his heart.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:38 PM
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Speculate away. I wear jeans and checked shirts a lot, FWIW.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:45 PM
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But what is it worth to YOU, teo?


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:49 PM
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Nothing, which is why I gave it away for free.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:49 PM
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I thought that might just be a sample to lure in unsuspecting customers. I mean, it seems sort of incompatible with naked dating, among other things.

(Finally starting to get marginally tired! Maybe soon I'll stop commenting and go to bed!)


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 10:51 PM
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You guys, it's not like I'm the Conan Doyle estate and claiming any right to the Smearcase character.


Posted by: Bave | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:17 PM
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Well, we just wanted to check first.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:17 PM
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131: I suppose Bave's answer is the one that matters most.

We are a very modern couple and I am allowed to appear in whatever fanfic I wish to appear in.

Hmmmmokay this thread is the weirdest thing that has happened to me in some time. But in a hilarious way. Anyway, must read the rest of it.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:26 PM
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162

It could be some kind of S&M fic in which I am punished for not closing my html tags.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 08- 4-14 11:36 PM
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I've been told, but don't know, that European women are less likely to offer fellation than their American sisters.

I've heard that too; I've also heard that European women are more likely to just get on and fuck than their American sisters. I suspect neither stereotype was ever all that true and to the extent they were they're both well out of date.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 1:38 AM
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claiming any right to the Smearcase character
Droit du seigneur! This suggests it should take the form of an opera buffa.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 3:02 AM
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165

That was me.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 3:03 AM
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166

the Conan Doyle estate is what have calls his penis


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 4:17 AM
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162, 164: I'm remembering a John Belushi movie where he was a hardbitten, quintessentially urban Chicago reporter (based on Mike Royko? Maybe.) who falls for a wilderness-living eagle biologist. Something like that, although we'd have to substitute something else for the eagles because birds.

But I may have moved out of slash fiction into romance novels.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 4:48 AM
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Does the slash fic involve a grapefruit? Working title: "Pulp Friction."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 4:48 AM
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What is the dividing line between slash fiction and romance? The Conan Doyle Estate?


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 4:51 AM
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I think for romance you're supposed to write your own characters, rather than just using ones you found wandering around the internet after midnight.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 4:53 AM
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171

blowjob evangelists

Oral Roberts?


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 5:04 AM
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Speaking in tongues is making a comeback.

Reminds me of the the blowjob advice given by a character in a Walter Moers comic: "Take your partner's member in your mouth and try to say 'General Consulate'".


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 5:08 AM
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167: Continental Divide.


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 5:22 AM
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84: I think that the medicine incompatibility only occurs when you eat it, so it's the woman who needs to worry about that one, not the man.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 5:25 AM
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174: Yes, but it's good of her to cover the bases, so to speak.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 5:39 AM
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I've been really hoping 142.1 will lead to a followup about what nosflow assumes the relationship dynamics are, but it's almost as if no one wants to explore that further.

Sorry! I went to bed because I was super tired! And yes, it was basically just a D/s joke, sorry.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:13 AM
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162: one hears it's just "SM" but if I post this comment immediately after 176 who knows what inferences people will draw.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:14 AM
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167: Continental Divide.

I remember seeing that on HBO back in the 80s. The only thing I can recall clearly is a scene when they arrive in Chicago and he's advising her in the ways of the big city. She nods and smiles at some passers by as they walk down the street and he says "Don't smile. It's a sign of weakness."


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:19 AM
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If i remember correctly from my surreptitious perusing of mass market paperbacks at a used bookstore in my youth, there's quite a lot of advice for woman on how to give oral sex in The Sensuous Woman, by "J", first published in 1969.

Very much a subject of adult conversation in the sixties, possessing that cachet that the transgressive has, vid Lenny Bruce.

My question is whether there hasn't been a ticking-over point, where it's expected by both parties, so that anxiety--in sex? circumstances in which mature, adult honesty doesn't occur? how could that be?--might prevent either or both from challenging it.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:26 AM
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180

Lenny said at one point that Jews didn't do oral, for no reason he could think of. Was he right? Is it still the case? Is it something you start doing once you're officially white?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:35 AM
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Continental Divide sounds like a remake of Something for the Birds, starring Patricia Neal and some guy whose name I don't remember off the top of my head, maybe Dana Andrews.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:39 AM
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182

Clearly this should be taking place in the southwest so teo can be costumed in his ranger outfit.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:42 AM
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183

I mean.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 7:49 AM
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Next on deck, teo/nosflow slash, apparently!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:04 AM
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Oh man I've been shipping nosfilo for ages.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:06 AM
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186

Working title: "Pulp Friction."

Ha.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:08 AM
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185: of course! Wasn't it Steve Jobs who said "Real artists ship"?


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:24 AM
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185: not teoflow?


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:26 AM
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189

Never.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:27 AM
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190

Well then. This is how schisms in fandoms begin.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:28 AM
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Turns out the movie I was thinking of in 181 starred Victor Mature, whose name seems appropriate for this thread.

Also, the Belushi movie seems different enough not to be a remake (reporter, not lobbyist; Chicago not DC; eagle not condor).


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:34 AM
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192

Home. I'm so fried. The house seems so big and beautiful compared to the minivan.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 4:35 PM
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Welcome home.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 4:43 PM
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Welcome home. Have a grapefruit!


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 5:22 PM
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||

How am I just hearing about the implosion of the Ohio Democratic candidate for governor? Also, how on earth does the party not do background research on its own candidates? A candidate for lieutenant governor with $1 million in unpaid taxes? A gubernatorial candidate who hasn't had a valid driver's license in ~10 years and was caught at 4:30am in a parking lot "talk" with a woman not his wife? Do they not screen candidates at ALL?

||>


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 6:16 PM
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195: And yet still none of them are worse than their Republican counterparts!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 8:38 PM
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195 -- They don't because there's not really a "they." People select themselves, and see what kind of funding they can attract.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 08- 5-14 9:15 PM
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Tying lots of bits together, there's already Beyonce/Nicki Minaj femslash prompted by the Flawless remix Nick posted above.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08- 6-14 5:58 PM
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