Re: Guest Post - Random access mammaries

1

Boy, I think regardless of the political leanings of the group, there would be a very strong "Sharing bodily fluids outside of an intimate personal relationship, ick" reaction, enough to make it hard to find a difference between different political groups.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 4:59 AM
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I don't think those are the only variables. I know I make assumptions about implementation based on who is making the case for a policy change. You can believe something is in keeping with your political values and still not trust that it would be implemented in keeping with those values.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:03 AM
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Placenta with ranch dressing seems like it might be easier to normalize in mainstream America.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:05 AM
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I haven't read the article yet, but in most places you're not allowed to use even breastmilk from a milk bank for a foster baby late alone breastfeed yourself, but some people do induce lactation to be able to breastfeed adopted babies and this creates all the fun arguments you'd expect in foster/adoptive groups.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:07 AM
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ten years ago, eating your own placenta would have been unthinkable.

Or indeed someone else's placenta. Just eating placenta in general. Ownership is immaterial.

(Is it your own placenta, really? Surely it's the baby's? It's part of the foetus, same genetic code, develops from the fertilised egg... surely your placenta is the one that is attached to you until you're born, in the same sense that it's your leg or your head?)


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:11 AM
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I mean, yes, it's your baby. But that doesn't mean it's correct to talk about all its bits being yours, rather than its.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:17 AM
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7

Have you tried the placenta chips at Whole Foods? Delish!


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:19 AM
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8

I didn't realize inducing lactation was a possibility.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:35 AM
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9

You have to squeeze 'em for, like, an hour.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:38 AM
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That doesn't sound right but you are married to a doctor.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:50 AM
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Have you tried the placenta chips at Whole Foods? Delish!

Possible names for a pop-up restaurant specialising in this sort of cooking:

Placenta Forward
Al Dente Placente
Finger Umbilickin' Good
Childbed Birth and Beyond
Neonatal Attraction


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 5:52 AM
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No, feminists are not so silly and rigid.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh wait you're serious. Sigh.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:02 AM
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I was once in Georgetown (DC) talking to a woman with a baby, and I said that I wasn't sure whether I could hack having kids, because I didn't know whether I could handle the sleep deprivation involved in getting up to feed an infant.

She said, "You could always get a wet nurse." For real.

I saw that there are breast milk banks which pasteurize the milk. There's only enough supply to get it to the most vulnerable infants. I sort of wish that it were more available, since there are women who need to take medications which pass through breast milk.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:03 AM
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OP, 5: Eating your placenta has been a "thing" for decades, but obviously very much not a mainstream practice. I can recall several friends/acquaintances who claimed to have done it (lasagna, anyone?) or had the placenta in the freezer for future use.

I wonder who is allegedly doing this today? Brooklyn hipsters? Off-the-grid survivalists?

7: Surely Trader Joe's placenta chips would be cheaper.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:05 AM
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3: Ew. Ranch dressing is disgusting.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:07 AM
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14 gets it right. I thought the placenta-eating thing was a stereotype of the wacky hippies of many decades ago, with their macrobiotic diets and macrame-riddled sitting rooms.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:08 AM
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I wonder who is allegedly doing this today? Brooklyn hipsters? Off-the-grid survivalists?

Anyone who might tend toward believing new age-y medical woo. I personally know two people who've done it. Both had it encapsulated, rather than just cooking up the bloody thing in scrambled eggs or something. Some midwives and doulas offer placenta encapsulation as a part of their service package.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:11 AM
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I already made my proposal for a goat-based wet nurse day care program, a la 18th century France, RIGHT HERE and the response was VERY POSITIVE I believe. If you use goats you can keep costs down to make the wet nursing affordable, plus the goats will just walk right up to the babies. You can even run it as a drop in day care for SAHMs who need a little break.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:13 AM
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Twins. We're going to need a bigger capsule.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:17 AM
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I also know people who've eaten encapsulated placentas. Also some placenta art stuff.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:21 AM
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21

Are vegetarians allowed to eat placenta?


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:21 AM
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Vegans are allowed to eat placenta. Vegetarians can have placenta with sour cream.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:24 AM
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23

Someone ate his placenta for a ScavHunt item one year.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:26 AM
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Do vegetarians ever chew their finger nails?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:26 AM
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Based on media trend analysis placenta will be served in TGIF Fridays in 20 years.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:28 AM
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And Taco Bell, last week.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:29 AM
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Where they have ATM Machines.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:29 AM
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28

Not having asked to look at the placenta is my one of my only regrets about Zardoz's birth. I made a whole new organ, and then it got thrown away! It crossed my mind to ask, but it just seemed like too much at the moment.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:32 AM
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28: I know the feeling.


Posted by: Opinionated Defective Dildo Manufacturer | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:33 AM
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30

I don't remember looking at it when xelA came out, either. That was all a bit fraught, though, as it was an emergency c-section, and around the time they were removing the placenta they were handing a squirming baby to me.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:33 AM
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28: I looked. It's disgusting looking. It really does look like an internal organ, though, which for some reason surprised me.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:37 AM
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Someone ate his placenta for a ScavHunt item one year.

That seems like a rather drastic way to prevent other people from finding it.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:38 AM
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33

30: "No! Take it away! I want to see the next bit!"


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:43 AM
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34

I was pretty focused on looking the baby. I don't even remember if there was a placenta.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:48 AM
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35

Immaculate birth.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:51 AM
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I was fairly focused on not dropping the baby, tbh, who turned out to be a lot stronger and more wriggly than I was expecting for 2 minutes old.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:52 AM
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37

I was berating him for not trying his hardest on the Apgar and pointing out that standardized testing will be absurdly important in his life.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:55 AM
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I have a great picture of my firstborn, taken when the doctor tried to hand me the slimy little lizard-creature after removing him from my wife. I warded the doctor off by grabbing my camera instead.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:59 AM
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I thought it did look surprisingly like meat one could find at a butcher, making the whole eating/encapsulation thing more plausible even though my response to that is still fuck no. Pretty cool looking though.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 6:59 AM
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28, depending on where you gave birth that placenta could have been a hot commodity to some researcher. Did you sign any consent forms about it?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:08 AM
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It's only an urban legend that researchers eat nothing but placenta.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:16 AM
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For our premie they took it away for testing, I think it had some kind of inflammation due to bacterial infection.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:17 AM
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22: Indeed, when I was still vegan I had a firm plan to eat my placenta because it was meat I could have. I still might. Why not. Scramble it up. There's a picture of me from when I was 14, visiting New York on my first solo trip that required a plane flight. My aunt's midwife friend had a human placenta in the fridge, for what purpose, eating or burial, I can't remember, but I posed with it, stretching out the umbilical cord and pretending to cut it with scissors, so the picture would be captioned "Tia cuts the cord."


Posted by: Tia | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:29 AM
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44

The Sue White teriyaki special.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:30 AM
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45

I remember being very impressed by how big the thing was with Sally -- the doctor was holding what looked like a dishpan full of liver. Don't recall noticing Newt's, but the circumstances of the birth were very different; Sally was whisked off to be inspected, so I was focusing on what was happening to me, while Newt got to hang out with us immediately afterwards.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:31 AM
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5: Is your placenta reattached in the afterlife?


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:34 AM
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47

Our third kid had an enormous placenta, easily bigger than him. Also was by far the worst morning sickness. We hypothesized that he was initially twins, one of which was absorbed or lost very early.
Autocorrect changed enormous placenta (spelled correctly) to enjoy mouse placenta. Maybe Apple is planning a new line of products?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:38 AM
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48

My mouse has a USB placenta, but a lot of them nowadays are wireless and don't have placentas at all.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:44 AM
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49

My mouse is wireless and has a USB placenta, because that receives the wireless signal and turns it into pointless movement.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 7:49 AM
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I was thinking mice will be obsolete and you just rub your stomach to make the cursor move.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 8:00 AM
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49: good point. I suppose they have placentas but not umbilical cords.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 8:01 AM
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52

Mice have placentas and umbilical cords.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 8:09 AM
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53

I did not see and was not offered the placenta. I did have this conversation after the second baby's birth.

"Dad, do you want to hold him?"
"No."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 8:53 AM
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54

Because you weren't hungry yet.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 9:03 AM
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55

Buck got to cut Newt's cord. He said he was surprised by the gristlyness of it -- he was expecting something softer.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 9:06 AM
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56

The whole birthing enterprise is fucking disgusting.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 9:10 AM
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57

Indeed.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 9:16 AM
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17: I had to look up "placenta encapsulation." Woo.

I was there for both of my kids' births, got to see the placentas, got to cut the cord for the second (the doctors didn't offer on the first, or I was too out of it to hear them). I didn't think the birth was all that disgusting, just messy. Also hard work that I couldn't really help much with. A father mostly offers a hand to be held as tightly as a vise, and superfluously says "breathe" or "push." Holding the babies was great, if brief, before they got down to business.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 9:54 AM
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The whole birthing enterprise is fucking disgusting.

I had to be compelled to be present in the delivery room when mine were born. My father forced me at way too young an age to help with the problem delivery of livestock. I retain horrible memories of it. Even the routine births involved disgusting gore (placenta, amniotic sac, etc.), and a lot of them were not routine: I'm talking stillborn calves that come apart when you pull on them, prolapsed uteruses that have to be reinserted and secured with a surgical suture (my dad did that part, obviously, but I'd be standing there holding the tail out of his way). I have something resembling a PTSD reaction to the thought of childbirth.

I have a similar rationale for refusing to have a vasectomy, but I'd rather not go into it.


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 9:55 AM
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My kid was c-section. I got to hold the bowl for my wife to puke into during the surgery.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 10:01 AM
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Have been present for a (difficult) vaginal delivery, one emergency C-section, and one scheduled C-section. Regular birthing is certainly weird (and seeing an episiotomy stitched up was probably the most gruesome part of that episode), but seeing somebody's intestines pulled out of the way and rested on their belly was much weirder.

I declined to cut the umbilical cord on any of my kids: look doc, I paid the deductible so that other people would handle stuff like that. Squeezing a pair of scissors doesn't really make me feel like a more involved participant in the miracle of life.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 10:08 AM
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61.2: with Zardoz they asked if I wanted to cut off the remainder of the umbilical cord that they had already cut somewhat long. I... sure? Okay? It wasn't very magical.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 10:37 AM
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Kid D was born at home before the midwife arrived. I was standing in our hallway holding her, not wanting to go anywhere else in case I bled on floors I was more concerned about, and had to send C to the kitchen for a bowl for the placenta. He seemed to take ages, and I almost had my legs crossed. And then I was a bit disappointed that he hadn't brought a glass bowl so I could get a better look at it from all sides! I had not been interested in previous placentas. Although I certainly knew people 18 years ago when I was first pregnant who were talking about reading or burying placentas, or doing lotus births.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 10:58 AM
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On second thought, I'm sure I can eat soup from a plate.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 11:02 AM
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28: I regret not seeing the placenta too. I had a C-section and was way too out of it to remember to ask.


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 2:56 PM
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66

Well this thread sure went off topic quick.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:13 PM
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67

What? It's still on topic.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:15 PM
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68

As far as I know. I only read the last paragraph of the OP.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:20 PM
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69

Outside of a uterus, you can read a placenta. Inside of a uterus, it's still being used.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:25 PM
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I sat in the waiting room, reading and drinking coffee, for both of ours. Things have apparently gone greatly downhill since '68 and '70. Feminist revenge, I guess.


Posted by: biohazard | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:30 PM
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At least the doctors don't smoke during the delivery anymore.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:35 PM
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72

||

Someone just posted this on a friend's facebook page and I thought I'd pass it along. It's a recipe for paleo-diet porridge. You thought it couldn't be done, but apparently it can. Think about it, Halford - no more need to grit your teeth in the mornings and choke down another strip of steak fried with bacon!

TL;DR: it's ground up nuts, with hot water. But it's fancy because it's almonds and walnuts instead of just adding hot water to Jif.

|>


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:43 PM
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OT: I'm reading the Peter Wimsey book written by the new author (Thrones, Dominions). Nobody has been murdered yet and I'm getting annoyed.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:45 PM
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74

Finally, a murder. Or at least a dead person.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:52 PM
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75

the slimy little lizard-creature after removing him from my wife

Remember that scene in V? They oughta show that in HS sex ed class if they wanna cut the teen birth rate. Do you think the aliens ate their placentas? Wouldn't they have laid eggs? Was that ever covered? What if they weren't true people-faced lizards at all, but birds? If the aliens evolved from lizards into people, does that mean the birds on their planet are all horrible bat-like things with human faces?


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 3:58 PM
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ZOMG, it's so much better than I remembered:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvwfdLdEdVA


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 4:13 PM
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I don't know why they stopped showing that miniseries every year, it was awesome. The question I never figured out was whether the lizard baby had a human tongue. [SPOILERS] Maybe that's why it died.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 4:50 PM
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Okay, I am going on an internet diet FOR REAL now. Going to read and do productive stuff instead.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 4:52 PM
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Placenta: fetus's mother-hijacking tool.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 4:57 PM
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80

When my first godson was born, I was also surprised by how large the placenta was, and how freaky it felt to cut the cord.


Posted by: J, Robot | Link to this comment | 08-14-14 9:39 PM
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76: this may display my abnormal psyche a little too clearly but ZOMG CUTE LIZARD BABY.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 1:36 AM
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73,74: "Thrones, Dominations" is disapproved of by the Unfogged Wimsey Caucus on account of it not understanding the difference between the Egotists' Club and the Bellona Club.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 3:40 AM
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76: Having an emergency C-section with Freddy Krueger as one of the attending nurses was never going to end well.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 3:51 AM
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84

||

Everybody fire up their ekranoplans: today is the centenary of the opening of the Panama canal.

|>


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 4:42 AM
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82: Mostly it seemed to be an essay on marriage that was briefly interrupted by a dead body.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 5:26 AM
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86

I'm surrounded by MBA students. Apparently, they are moving out my way and ride my bus now.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 5:48 AM
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87

There goes the neighborhood.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 5:49 AM
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88

I tried to warn people.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 6:00 AM
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84: Maybe Obama should invade and take it back:
1) Mid-term electoral boost.
2) Distract from Iraq/Syria, Gaza, and Ukraine crises.
3) Honors the birthplace of great American patriot and warrior John McCain.
4) Use up military equipment before it falls into the hands of people like ISIS and the Ferguson/ St. Louis County Police.

WWRRD*?

*(Ronald Reagan)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 6:45 AM
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90


Time was, a post like this would have elicited a "Titties, hurray!" comment within the first 24 hours.


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 8:48 AM
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91

They're great, but you lose everything if the power goes out.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 9:06 AM
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92

91 to 90? To 84? To placentas? I am confused.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 9:29 AM
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90: I guess that was back before everyone here was traumatized by the miracle of birth.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 9:30 AM
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90 And a link to that "Placenta Helper" SNL skit.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 9:38 AM
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91 to 90. But it can be to whatever you want--this one's on me.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 9:41 AM
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Someday Unfogged will be gone, but at least we'll always have the mammaries.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 9:49 AM
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55 was me as well (not Newt's cord). AB wanted to see the placenta, but iirc was too wrung out by Iris' birth to look, and Kai's birth was too rushed and then they whisked him away to deal with meconium, so she was distracted again.

She's decided it's not important enough to justify a third child.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 2:57 PM
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I believe I was directed to cut the cord on one and possibly both of ours, but until this conversation had forgotten about it. Obviously didn't make much of an impression. Plenty of meconium on our daughter, so she was washed, and I've a strong memory of looking at her in the tray, under the heat lamp.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08-15-14 5:22 PM
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